#wonder where he got redeployed anyway

[skyloftian-nutcase]

Febuwhump Day 4 - Obedience

Healthcare AU, anyone?

The letter shook in his hands.

Redeployment.

Sky stared at the word. Stared long and hard. He'd only just been discharged from the hospital and he was not only being thrown back into the war, but in a completely new location?!

0700.

Tomorrow. First thing tomorrow. He was being ordered to pack his bags and leave everyone he knew first thing in the morning.

Was this punishment? It had to be punishment. He'd flown into too many hot zones, damaged too many birds, put too many lives at risk all for the sake of trying to get to everyone, trying to save everyone.

He'd messed up. He knew he had. Nearly everyone had died in his last rescue, and he'd gotten himself injured and his helicopter now had holes riddled through it.

Sky sat slowly on his bed, hands falling to his lap, ordinance falling out of his numb grip. His arm hurt, pain searing from his shoulder and creeping down to his fingers like poison. If he took pain medicine he'd probably fall asleep right now, so that wasn't an option.

What was he going to tell the others? Could even tell them? Did he have time? He might be able to find Wind, but... could he even tell the kid that he was leaving him?

So this was it, then? He went through so much just to be tossed somewhere else?

Sky rose, taking a trembling breath, looking at his small quarters. The walk over to the army barracks would probably sap him of his energy. Energy that he needed to spend packing and prepping for deployment.

His shoulder hurt. His heart hurt more.

Zelda and Groose had disappeared like this too. Shifted somewhere else after the first time he'd been shot down. He'd yet to hear from either of them.

You love Zelda more than the world. If you can handle being pulled from her, you can handle this.

A hiccup escaped his lips. Then a sob. Fuck he was so damn tired.

Sky solemnly started to gather his things. He didn't want his friends, his family to endure the pain of separation that he had when Groose and Zelda had been taken away. He resolved to find them and talk to them once he finished packing. But instead, he finally gave in to the agony in his arm, he took pain medicine and barely managed to finish packing before passing out.

0700 came. Sky hurried to the hangar. And within a few minutes, he left that world behind.

[melissagt]

Where did I go?

So a friend on FB asked how I was doing and instead of typing everything over again, I figured I would just copy/paste it here too...in case anybody was wondering where I’ve been...

I have ups and downs. I got laid off a couple weeks ago...my last day of work is October 7th. It's been hard. I knew the company is going through changes, that’s public knowledge, but I thought I was safe because I've been there for 14 years and I'm one of the top of my team in terms of performance. I’ve always been the one with the sun shining out of her ass (sorry for the image, but that’s the way I’ve always been treated at work). Which means I made more money than my team mates. That was the deciding factor. That’s what put the target on my back. I was just a number. Who would have thought being a high performing player would have actually screwed me over in the end? 

Anyways...I get 22 weeks of severance (it comes as one lump payment, so yay taxes up the wazoo) so I can pay off all my debt when I start on unemployment. My resume is out there on Indeed and LinkedIn etc etc. Multiple people have given it the thumbs up. But...I haven't had luck finding any comparable jobs. Oh, they’re out there...I just can’t get them. Not now. I thought I was skilled, but it feels like my 14 years have meant nothing. The way the US is right now with jobs, it's a seller's market...meaning recruiters can ask for the moon and always find higher-skilled people tripping over themselves for jobs beneath them. So while I'm trying to post for a lateral position, in reality I'm going to end up having to start over again in a call center taking calls. Because while I'm experienced, there are people way more experienced than I am clamoring for the same jobs...who under normal circumstances, wouldn’t even be competing with me because they'd be my boss or even my boss’s boss. But because of The Cheeto™ and his (mis)management of COVID (along with everything else he’s done), we're all fighting with each other over scraps...and it’s only going to get worse...

I'm going to take a breath...realize that I'll be okay while I'm on unemployment...hope that gets extended past the state base of 26 weeks, and concentrate on my artwork. My dream is to make money with my art...I don't need to make as much as I do/did...enough to live ok and I'd be happy. I know other people have taken this kind of adversity and gotten the opportunity to do what they love. I just hope I can be so lucky. 

And if all else fails, there's a myriad of entry-level call center gigs out there...I have an insurance call center background, but whether it's a bank or insurance or whatever...a call center is a call center. In fact, while I don’t relish the idea of being chained to a phone again (believe me, call center work is brutal), it would be refreshing to have a job I can actually put down at night and take a vacation from (I literally have not taken a full day off this entire year because I have no backup...so even on days off I’m still logging in for at least an hour and half to do essentials...because that’s the way I roll...yada yada about the sun shining from places as mentioned above). But good lord I would love if I could somehow find a way to make ends meet with artwork. My husband is still working (for the same company that axed me...and we're keeping our fingers crossed he doesn't get the boot).

But the worst part is that I get that the company needs to make changes...but I had to learn the hard way that all they care about is their image. They said they would do everything they could to avoid involuntary separations...that they would redeploy staff to avoid it and even upskill where necessary. But those were just words to make themselves look good. They're not doing any of that. I didn't get a thank you or a we're sorry or anything. Just "buh-bye". I tried applying for a position in my same department that would literally be the next natural step in career progression for me and I got turned down today because it's a seller's market for jobs and they can ask for completely ridiculous pedigrees when last year I would have been more than qualified. (Hell, my boss, who was also laid off on the same day, by the way...was even grooming me for that same mother-fucking position as part of my career development.) And even worse...I have to train the rest of the people on my team, the ones who stayed with the pack and are safe, on how to do my job after I'm gone. If it wasn't for the severance check in two weeks, I'd have told them (the company) to take the eternal bird and stuff it. I don’t hold it against my team at all...I will miss them and I hope to keep in contact with a good number of them...but good fucking god do I have things I want to say but can’t say about that company.

And please no comments about how America sucks. Yes, it sucks. I fear/hate/loathe the direction the country is going. I don’t want to live here anymore. But it’s not like I can just uproot my life and go someplace else. So here I am. In America. In Connecticut, one of the most expensive states in the country to live in. That is my life. My family is here. My husband’s family is here. So here we stay...and here I vote. 

But that’s what’s going on in my life. Right now the Excedrin Migraine is finally starting to kick in to help take away some of the pressure in my skull from crying earlier. Sorry to be such a downer. It seems like everybody is down these days. 2020 is the worst year of my life. The worst year of a lot of people’s lives, I’d imagine. But somehow, we’ll make it through. 

[a-crack-in-the-universe]

Episode 1x02: Rising Malevolence

The Republic hears of a deadly weapon that the Separatists are making, and sends Master Plo Koon and his fleet to investigate.

Spoilers below the cut.

 *music of doom plays*

 Grievous is waiting for them… And Dooku is with him!

 Master Plo wisely decides to wait and notify the Council of their position before attacking the Separatist fleet. Probably senses (like I do) that something is going to go very wrong in just a few moments. He also decides to contact Anakin Skywalker’s fleet for reinforcements.  

 Clone Trooper: “From what I hear, Skywalker’s always ready for a fight.”

Damn right he is!

 Booyeah, it’s Anakin and Ahsoka! :D

 Ahsoka Tano: [via hologram] Koh-to-ya, Master Koon.

Plo Koon: Koh-to-ya, little 'Soka.

Okay, that really reminds me of one of those avatars in video games that you turn to for help. XD 

I can’t believe how much I’ve missed seeing Anakin on screen! :’)  

Master Plo asks Anakin and Ahsoka for reinforcements. 

Anakin: ‘Oh, I’ll have to ask the Council, Master Plo. I was given strict orders to protect our staging area.’

In other words, ‘I’m going to see if the Council will give me the go-ahead, and if they don’t I’ll go off and do it behind their backs anyway.’

lol at Ahsoka’s shocked look at Anakin. She’s probably thinking, ‘No! Master, what are you doing??’

Right after that, the transmission is broken, and things start going downhill for Master Plo and his fleet…

Unsurprisingly, Ahsoka is adamant that they go help Master Plo and she’s annoyed that Anakin isn’t rushing off straight away to do so. Anakin tells her that they must speak to the Council first. Like, seriously, Ahsoka, he’s going to help Plo Koon whether or not the Council agrees. He just needs to see whether he has to go behind their backs or not.    

Uh… what is up with the expression on Anakin’s face here? It’s very, very intense… and angry looking… and dare I say, Vader-like.

Ugh, not Palpatine again! :( I hate that guy. 

Back at Plo Koon’s fleet, the Separatist fleet is closing in…

Master Plo and his crew prepare for battle. Dooku and Grievous prepare to test their new weapon.

So, the weapon is fired. It disables the fleet completely, leaving Plo and the clones vulnerable. They flee to the pods. Out of the frying pan and into the fire. :(

 Dooku: “Send out the hunters! I want all of those life-forms destroyed.”

 Oh crap…

Looks like Plo Koon’s fleet is believed to be destroyed. Anakin volunteers to lead a rescue mission to search for survivors, but the Jedi Council doesn’t look very eager to let him. 

No, Ahsoka, don’t do what you’re thinking of doing! (I know she’s going to do it anyway, though.)

Back in the escape pod, things are not looking good for Plo and the clones. It’s so sad how the clones aren’t even sure anyone’s going to come looking for them, because they’re considered expendable. :(

The Jedi Council orders Anakin to send his fleet to guard the supply line instead of staging a rescue-and-recovery mission. Bastards. >:( Like, I get that they don’t want to risk more people getting killed, but Anakin’s the best of the best! If anyone can be trusted to complete the mission and get everyone out alive, it’s him.

This is when Ahsoka speaks up:

Ahsoka: “Wait! Just because there haven’t been any survivors before, doesn’t mean there won’t be any this time.”

Is it just me, or are Mace and Yoda actually considering what she’s saying? Hmm…

Palpatine: “Boldly spoken for one so young.”

Obi-Wan: “She is learning from Anakin.”

Anakin is, predictably, pissed off at Ahsoka, and after the meeting’s done tells her off big-time.

Anakin: “What you don’t understand is Jedi protocol. Or your place, my young padawan.”

Well, that’s harsh of him. And hypocritical, considering he did the same thing in Attack of the Clones when he promised Padme that he and Obi-Wan would find whoever was trying to kill her. Obi-Wan reacted the same way Anakin reacted in this episode. 

Now I have to wonder if Anakin is emulating Obi-Wan when he’s looking after Ahsoka, since Anakin’s never been a mentor before and Obi-Wan’s method of teaching him is the only thing he has to go by. He does tell Ahsoka in a later episode that ‘this weapon is your life’     

Anakin gives new orders to the admiral, and tells him that he will scout ahead to check for enemy activity. 

Anakin: ‘But I know you won’t argue with my orders.’

Lol, he really likes being in charge, doesn’t he? :’D

Back in the pod...

Clone Trooper: Do you think we’ve got a chance, general?

Plo Koon: I don’t believe in chance, commander. I know that if we work together we will stay alive, and someone will find us.   

Clone Trooper: With all due respect, general, strategically it doesn’t make any sense for someone to come look for us. If I was in command, I’d be hunting that weapon down.

Plo Koon: I value your life more than finding that weapon. 

:’) :’) :’)     

The crew spots another pod, but it’s been burst open and everyone inside is dead. :( Things are about to get even worse for the escape pod crew. 

Anakin and Ahsoka leave the fleet in a mini-star-ship (to search for survivors, though Ahsoka doesn’t know that yet). Ahsoka begins to talk about why she spoke up during the meeting, but Anakin tells her that she doesn’t need to explain anything.       

Ooh, now the scene changes to Obi-Wan and his fleet. Obi-Wan makes contact with Anakin’s fleet:

Obi-Wan: “Admiral? How goes escort?”

Admiral: “Oh, convoys are proceeding on schedule, general. No sign of enemy activity.” (*smiles*) 

The admiral is terrible at playing pretend. Obi-Wan can see right through him.

Obi-Wan: “And where’s Skywalker?”

Obi-Wan knows exactly where Anakin is and what he’s doing. :’D I love that.   

Clone trooper: “Problem, sir?”

Obi-Wan: “Anakin has redeployed himself. Again.”  

So Anakin’s done this before?? :’D

 Poor Obi-Wan, having to deal with all of Anakin’s ‘antics’. It must be like having a rebellious teenager on your hands.

 Anakin, Ahsoka and Artoo reach the system where Plo was last seen.

Anakin, you could’ve just told her that you were going to check for survivors, but no, you just couldn’t resist the chance to be a drama king, could you? :’D

 Ahsoka: “So it’s okay when you don’t follow what the Council says?”

Anakin: “Doing what the Jedi Council says, that’s one thing. How we go about doing it, that’s another. That’s what I’m trying to teach you, my young padawan.”

Ahsoka: “So you always meant to come out here for survivors?”

Anakin: “Lives are in danger, Ahsoka. We can’t just turn our backs on them!” (No need to get all worked up about it...Like, Ahsoka was the one who was all for rescuing Plo Koon and the clone troopers in the beginning of this ep.)  

Ahsoka: “That’s what I said back in the briefing room!”

Anakin: “I know. But the way you said it was wrong.”

This bit of dialogue is really interesting. Anakin has a point about being careful while defying orders. I don’t know much about the army, but it seems to me that you could get into major trouble there for defying an order.     

Also I agree that this sort of thinking stems from Anakin’s slave past. He’s essentially teaching Ahsoka how to rebel as a slave.   

Back in the pod:

The clones and Plo Koon manage to get the power back on, and make contact with another pod. Unfortunately, that pod is burst open by singing Separatist droids, in a moment that looks like it’s come out of a horror film:

In a really sweet moment, Ahsoka tells Anakin how she met Master Plo. Master Plo was the one who found her and brought her to the Temple, ‘where she belonged’. Seems like Ahsoka had a hard life before entering the Jedi Order. Now he’s lost, and Ahsoka hopes that she might be able to return the favour. :’) 

God, Anakin looks like a rebellious teenager trying to get out of trouble with a parent/guardian.

 Obi-Wan does not look impressed at Anakin’s excuse:

 What? Anakin’s just giving up?? :(

 Before he can though, Artoo senses something on the scanner. :D

Ahsoka’s so adorable when she’s filled with hope:

 Back in the pod…

The troopers and Plo Koon’s pod has finally been targeted by the hunters. They watch as their doom approaches.

Luckily, Plo Koon has a plan! He will go outside the pod and attack the droids, while the clones will put on their helmets and do… something. Probably fight.

*Plo Koon and the clones fight the droids*

Palpatine makes contact with Anakin and asks Anakin to return to his fleet. Conniving bastard. He probably wants Plo and the clone troopers dead for whatever reason. >:( Maybe it would ruin his plans if they were rescued?

Palpatine… Ugh, ugh! :( I hate how Anakin listens to Palpatine like that!   

Back at the pod...

Plo Koon: “Sergeant, why are you so certain no one is coming?”

Clone Sergeant: “We're just clones, sir. We're meant to be expendable.”

Plo Koon: “Not to me.”

:’) :’) Plo Koon is endearing himself more to me with each line he speaks.

Anakin and Ahsoka find Plo Koon and the remaining clone troopers thanks to Ahsoka’s bond with Plo. Sadly no other pods were found. :’( Ahsoka and Plo Koon share a very sweet moment, with Anakin looking on:

Awwww :’)

The crew escape the weapon and rendezvous with the fleet. Anakin looks as you’d expect at the thought of reporting to the Council: 

Anakin: “Come along, Ahsoka.”

Ahsoka: “You want me there? I figured because of before…”

Anakin: “Ahsoka. Through it all you never gave up. You did a great job. But, if I’m getting in trouble for this, you’re going to share some of the blame too. So come on, let’s go.”

Ahsoka: “Right beside you, Skyguy.”

Ahh, that last line gives me life. :’) Skyguy-and-Snips forever, please! :D  

Previous: Ambush | Next: Shadow of Malevolence

[materia-hunter-robin]

The Proposal

How did he propose? Well, I guess I should tell you about how we got together…

You see, University of Midgar is a well-funded institution with nice facilities, and tuition scholarships were relatively easy to come by. But the sliding scale for the living accommodations was steep. The nicest dorms were clean and comfortable, luxury compared to the ones that were more...affordable. They were fine for a short while but they were more or less uninhabitable, worse than most places I’ve stayed in the slums. Maybe because most people in the slums take care of what they have even if it’s shit, while college students would let mold and pests run rampant. And they were the least costly but they weren’t cheap, if you get me.

I was on my own, and a full time student. I had to scrape by on one scholarship I stretched as far as it could take me. And even I was luckier than the ones who couldn't get that and had to grind between work and school. I felt like one of the rats living in the walls, just struggling to make a life in that gross place. Anyway, I was unhappy there, and it was not a good place to stay.

So it seemed like the answer to my prayers when he suggested that I stay at his place for a while, because, he said, he was shipping out to Wutai the next day. He'd get a copy of his key and I could stay there. It made logical sense to both of us, and he was happy to help. So I said yes and immediately went to leave the dorm behind. I slept on the couch that night and the next morning when I woke up he was gone. 

[Robin shakes her head.]

No note, nothing. But I had a key and his permission to stay and it was free. I was quite pleased. I had a quick jaunt on the train, did work at school, and came home to a nice apartment. I managed to keep it tidy too. I think at this point he was fifteen and I was sixteen?

I'll never forget the day he got home, he scared me half to death because he just walked right in. I was cooking dinner, the pot had...stew, I think? I was simmering something. Maybe it was tomato sauce. Anyway, it had been six months since he’d left and nobody had ever come to the apartment. I had worried at first, you know, like what if somebody sees me and thinks I'm where I'm not supposed to go? I knew it could end at any point so I tried to keep a low profile. After a few months I was pretty sure I was probably operating under the radar, and I was all alone the whole time. It was lonely but I was safe and that’s what I needed most.

I heard a sound I didn't recognize, which happened to be the key turning from the outside, and then there was somebody else there. I was terrified until I registered that it was Sephiroth. I told him to contact me first next time. 

"It's my house," he said. He was confused by why I had been startled. I was worried, you know, like maybe I'd overstayed my welcome. But he didn't mean anything by it. I was self-conscious, too, because you know... the bed wasn't made or anything. But he just went into the bathroom and took a shower, and came back out in a change of clothes. And there was enough for both of us because I always made enough for leftovers. That night we had dinner together at the table. 

I think it was a little awkward, he was still very quiet and I had enough sense to know he didn't really want to talk about the deployment. But I started chatting about the report I had read earlier on materia formation and the factors that lead to it going faster or slower, and then he brightened up and we chatted all night. 

Then it was time for bed and I wasn't sure what to do again. I wasn't really sure what it was yet, what we were I mean, so I offered to change the sheets I'd been sleeping on and move back to the couch. I wish I could remember how he phrased it, but he told me that wasn't necessary, that I could stay where I was. I told him he should sleep in his own bed. Somehow the way he said it must have been ambiguous, because only then did he realize that we had misunderstood each other. He’d been planning to sleep there too.

"I don't mean to suggest anything other than both of us getting some sleep. If it would be uncomfortable for you, you are free to move back to the couch. There is no need for you to change the sheets, I am not bothered." 

So that night we slept in the same bed. It was platonic and functional then, not awkward at all. I don't remember how long after that it was before we had sex the first time, maybe two weeks. But I didn't feel pressured at all. We just both wanted to, and we were sharing a bed. It all felt natural.

It wasn't long before he got redeployed for another mission. He left again, no note but at least he had told me this mission would probably only be a few months. And we went on like that for the next three years, up until graduation time was coming up. I had to update my Residence Registration. They're pretty lax about students having up-to-date Regs if you live off campus but to graduate you need your paperwork in order. I'd been thinking about it but somehow I hadn't quite gotten up the...the courage, I guess, to ask if I could make it permanent. I don't know. Nothing in my life ever felt secure and permanent. I'd always been waiting for the end of this temporary happy state. So I managed to put it off until I couldn't.

It wasn't a big deal though, of course. I knew logically it wouldn't be. I asked if I could update my official Reg to his address and he agreed that it was fine, of course. But then it was a bureaucratic mess. I told them my address, but it got flagged during processing because it's Shinra company property for employees, and I was not a Shinra employee. The woman working in the city office called me and said they had no record of me with Shinra so I couldn't register there.

Sephiroth was at home when they called. He could tell I was getting really stressed out by this whole process and he asked me if he could speak with her.

I gave him the phone. She verified with him that he was indeed the legal resident with a Shinra ID. He wasn't a well-known war hero yet. And then she asked what his relationship was to me. I remember hearing her voice through the receiver just enough to make out those words, 'what is your relationship with Robin O'Mordha?' 

And he just gave me this look, this really...sweet soft look. He was just barely smiling, and it just felt very intimate.

"She's my wife," he answered her. I wish I could have seen my own face. "She resides here with me."

And that was that. Well. Not really, it was only just the beginning, but that moment is etched in my memory. "She's my wife," and our eyes locked together.

He explained, once he got off the phone, that he had actually perused the regulations on this once. He knew that under Midgar city rules, a "relation" could only be classified by blood or marriage, not friendship or unmarried partner status. It took a teensy bit of the romantic edge off of the declaration, I suppose, but... I remember that look. It was not a matter of simply telling a bureaucrat what they needed to hear. 

I wondered if they would check, since they had verified whether I was eligible to reside here. He offered to pick up a form. Which was the actual proposal! But that’s not what I remember. He also did ask me whether I wanted it to be something official or not. In his mind, it wasn’t him making a unilateral decision by declaring us married, as far as he was concerned we would just be making official what we were already, as cohabiting romantic partners of multiple years. 

I told him that I did want to be married to him. We got a form, filled it out, and submitted it. That was that.

...Until I got the news that he was missing.

[jonestowers]

Teenage Bishops, part one

The car was late as usual, but she didn’t mind. She’d told them she didn’t even want a car, but they said it would cost more to cancel the car than to keep it going, and in any case, the driver couldn’t be redeployed elsewhere and it would mean putting him out of a job. This had been the clincher.

As she stepped out of the car and walked into her palace, the Archbishop of York looked up at the ornate carvings on its stone architrave. Cherubs taunted demons and sinewy looking vines twined around various species of goat. She still hadn’t got used to passing under such a sight every day.

Up in her first floor flat (downstairs was filled with offices and meeting rooms), the Archbishop of York shrugged off her coat and turned on the television. The news droned away in the background as she emptied the papers from her briefcase onto the coffee table and went into the small kitchen to put the kettle on.

From the distant television she half-heard the newsreader say something about the Archbishop of Canterbury sending pictures of his penis to girls on Snapchat. The Archbishop of York shrugged, sighed and carried on preparing one of the microwave meals which were her dinner on the nights when she had no functions to attend.

The evening passed quietly; a mercy, after so many functions in the past couple of weeks. Fundraisers, seminars and the launch of that lectures series on Berkley. She’d secretly had to read up on him before attending that one.

It was almost bedtime when she turned on Newsnight. The programme had already started and Kirsty Wark was talking to a cross-looking man in a suit. Not for the first time, the backdrop screen was filled by the face of the Archbishop of Canterbury.

‘But surely’ said Kirsty ‘this kind of behaviour compromises the Church of England, does it not?’

‘Absolutely’ agreed the cross-looking man. ‘That the most senior clergyman in the country should be in the headlines – and not for the first time, might I add – for sharing lewd, indecent images on social media, frankly beggars belief.’

‘As one who opposed this appointment, do you feel vindicated?’

The cross-looking man glowered.

‘It gives me no pleasure at all to say that I do. As a senior Church Commissioner, I have been on the record throughout this entire process as being completely opposed to the whole idea.’

‘And how do you respond’ asked Kirsty ‘to those who argue that this appointment, and those like it, have increased people’s engagement with the Church of England, and made it more relevant to the modern world?’

Her interviewee bristled.

‘In my opinion, this has been the problem with the whole thing. The Church of England isn’t HERE to be relevant with the modern world. And engagement? If people want to engage with the church, they come to us, not the other way round.’  He assumed a mocking look. ‘Or was the Archbishop perhaps engaging in a little ‘outreach’ work with those Spanish twins last week?’

The Archbishop of York swore under her breath and turned off the television.

She was just thinking for the fifth or sixth time that she ought to go to bed when her mobile rang. Looking at the caller display, she grimaced and pressed ‘Answer’.

‘Hello’ she said flatly.

‘Hey!’ The voice at the other end was slightly croaky but buoyant, as if its owner were in the middle of a particularly good party. ‘Did you see Newsnight?’

‘I did.’

‘Fuck knows why they didn’t ask me on – I @-ed them saying I’d love to  but they never got back to me.’

‘You were only on there last week.’

‘Was I?’

‘When you told that Ugandan bishop to eff off.’

Laughter down the line.

‘Oh yeah! Fucking prick. Anyway, are you free at the mo?’

‘Not really – why?’

‘Was wondering if I could come over – want to talk to you.’

‘But I’m about to go to bed. And you’re miles away.’

‘How do you know where I am?’

‘You’re the Archbishop of Canterbury.’

‘And?’

‘So I kind of imagine you’re in Canterbury.’

‘True.’

‘And I, you’ll be unsurprised to learn, am in…’

‘York!’

‘That’s right.’

‘S’ no prob – I’ll get the car to drive me up. I’ll be there in what, an hour or so?’

‘You don’t know where York is, do you?’

‘Course I do.’

‘You don’t. You might do if you’d ever been up here to visit, but you haven’t.’

‘Well you know…busy!’

‘We were elected three months ago and you’ve not been up here once.’

‘OK, so it’ll take a bit longer than an hour but can’t you wait up? I really want to discuss something with you.’

‘I’ve got to get to bed. My driving test’s in the morning.’

‘Which one’s this - fourth?’

‘Fifth. And if I don’t get this one my theory test thing will’ve expired and I’ll have to do it again.’

‘I don’t know why you bother anyway, when we’ve both got drivers.’

‘That’s most of the reason – I didn’t become Archbishop of York to be chauffeured around like…Kanye West. And I’ll make sure they find another job for the driver’ she added hastily.

‘He’ll be fine. ‘The Lord will provide’, eh?’

‘I don’t know about that. I wish He’d ‘provide’ me with an insurer who charged less than five hundred quid a month.’

‘What d’you expect? You’re a new driver and you’re seventeen. People like us always pay the most.’

‘What about you?’

‘Can’t be arsed – not when I’ve got the limo. So, I’ll wake ol’…Jenkins or whatever his name is up and get him to whizz me down to you. It is ‘down’, isn’t it?’

‘Oh, for…yes, Canterbury IS south of York. You know, you could wait ‘til tomorrow and get the train.’

‘No way. This is too important. And besides, my young person’s Railcard expired and they won’t give me a new one. I said to them ‘I’m seventeen for fuck’s sake!’ and they said ‘Yes, but you’re employed’ and I said ‘No I’m not’ but they said ‘You’re the Archbishop of Canterbury – we’ve seen you on Newsnight’. I said to them ‘That’s more of a…hobby.’ Bastards still wouldn’t give it to me.’

The Archbishop of York looked at the clock over her mantelpiece.

‘If you leave now, you can be here by half twelve.’

‘Wicked!’

‘…and gone by one. This had better be important.’

‘Oh, it is. You’ll never GUESS what I’ve done…’