#worm is about the tragedy of loving taylor hebert

[shsl-heck]

Every once in a while, I think of Taylor and Lisa's relationship and I have to sit down. Like these girls loved each other so much, and I just clutch my chest and try not to sob hysterically.

[lakesbian]

“I’m not getting enough details here to paint a picture.  I trust the hell out of you, but I’m not sure this is you, Taylor.”

I pocketed my phone, then reached into my belt.  I hesitated for an instant, then pressed my hand to my chest for long seconds.  I knew I didn’t have time to spare, but…  no.  I didn’t have time to spare.

I opened a portal twenty feet above Tattletale, then opened my hand.  The little tube of pepper spray dropped through the portal.  Tattletale caught it.

“You couldn’t have made it easy?”  Tattletale asked, looking down at it. 

[trans-queen-administrator]

Sometimes I think about the intrinsically doomed tragedy of Lisa loving Taylor and frantically trying to prevent her self destruction by doing absolutely everything for her while refusing to let down her own walls, and when she is genuine and lets Taylor see through the facade it's not enough to keep her and she still leaves both times. Or I think about the unbreakable bond and trust between Rachel and Taylor where Taylor is the only one who tries to communicate properly with her and does so much to help to the point where Rachel would trust her with literally anything which means she trusts Taylor to have a plan even when Taylor's plan is to throw herself away. Or I think about Brian and Taylor's friendship and later relationship that happened because Brian needed some way to deal with the horror of what Bonesaw did without letting down his walls because if he stops appearing in control he'll crack and they just both tried and failed so hard to be normal, but if things went differently they could have been happy together. Or I think about Taylor and Alec and how Alec saw her as a good normal how Taylor never really understood him even at the end and didn't even like him because she can't acknowledge their similarities and maybe if things were different they could grow to understand each other a bit more. Or I think about Taylor and Aisha and how Aisha went from being a mischievous gremlin constantly to losing her best friend and then her brother and then she had to stand by Taylor and sing to her as she broke and faded as a person while fully knowing she was going to lose another friend and having that confirmed when Taylor seized her body and held a knife to her throat. And every time I think about all the tragedies of loving Taylor Hebert, the ways things could have gone differently and everyone could have been happy if things were tweaked in the slightest way, I remember the glory of fanfiction and bask in the knowledge that other people feel this and will write their own fics where the characters get a better ending, and life is good.

And then I go on AO3 and I remember that 35% of fanfic in this wretched fandom is alternate powers for someone named Taylor who definitely isn't acting like her, 18% is revenge fantasies against the bullies where Taylor is harsher to Sophia specifically hmmm I wonder why, 22% is Taylor in the most unrealistic sanitized relationship ever written where everyone is out of character and reading it feels like eating styrofoam, 13% is attempting to redeem Purity or Rune or someone else in the E88, 11% has Greg as a main character with epic gamer powers, and the remaining 1% is actually readable original fanfic. I'm so tired. Why are so so many people shipping some combination of Taylor, Victoria, and Amy. Who the fuck is writing Polysiders. Why is 80% of this written and read by people who haven't read Worm and smugly believe that the absolute garbage fanfics they've read are better because nothing bad happens. I'm going insane I can't take this.

[transtaylorhebert]

Taylor, and/or Lisa for the bingo thing?

TAYLOR!!!!

taylor hebert is my favorite character in worm, which is both basic and obvious. i love her so much, i don’t even really know what to say here without launching into a multi page essay about her and her powers and her thoughts and her philosophies and-

i truekin her, no doubles. i wouldn’t do all that evil shit tho, probably because i’m not 15

i would read a full sequel about taylor hebert in low-powered earth aleph learning to adjust to that universe and dealing with her guilt and trauma. i wouldn’t need anything else from worm, no interludes, no character cameos, no shard lore- i just want love taylor and i want to watch her grow

lisa is probably my favorite character besides taylor, which is also pretty basic but i’m gonna be shameless about it

she and imp are the only reasons i’m considering reading ward, i canNOT get enough of lisa, similar to taylor. i finished worm like a week ago and most of the post-canon fic i’ve been searching for has revolved around lisa

not to center her around taylor, but her devotion to her friend (queerplatonic soulmate in my mind) is one of the most beautiful things in the story and the ending along with her trigger origin makes it such a stomach churning tragedy to me

i’m certain i have more thoughts about both of these characters but these are the main things. i don’t have a lot of negatives to say about most worm characters so these might be as nuanced as one might hope

[half-man-half-lime]

On why being dark makes Worm a good power fantasy

Okay I have a tendency to pointlessly and circuitously ramble so I’m just gonna leave a TL;DR up here: Worm shows that the most powerless people in the most hopeless situations can still make a difference through perseverance.

So here and there I’ve seen posts going around (not gonna search and link the various posts I’m referencing in this post, it’s 2 AM and I’m lazy) about why everyone should shut up about people liking lighter works, and how Steven Universe is a great work of escapism because it lets people experience a world where compassion can win wars and make the world a better place. I’m not gonna argue about whether lighter or darker stuff is better, the point of those posts is people can like what they want (also see that one comic I’m not gonna link where stories are balloons and someone makes a heavy iron balloon and drops it into a pit and someone stuck in the muck grabs a hold of it; you know the one).

But that stuff HAS been making me think about why Worm is a good escapist fantasy in a number of ways. My analysis of the Parahumans stories has been kind of sidetracked by the amazing analysis by the We’ve Got Worm/Ward podcast, all that stuff about characterization and themes and shit, it’s great, but all that stuff plus the YBUTTing (You’re Being Unfair To Taylor, basically dismantling her moral justifications and pointing out the negative effect her moral choices have on her and those around her) kind of make you forget the childish, sadistic appeal of a story about a girl who cuts people’s eyes out and is Completely Justified in doing so and also Extremely Clever like a seasoned D&D player. And that stuff is fun, even if it gets less so after too many rereads. (Seriously, I’ve listened to the audiobooks so many times now, I’ve lost count.)

But one thing Matt and Scott and the reddit commenters have discussed is the usefulness of horror story elements as a way of establishing stakes, which brings me to my point: It’s really fucking empowering to see a nerdy teenage girl take down invincible serial killers and bully god to death when she seems like she should have absolutely no way or right to do so.

Like, one of the reasons One Piece was always so appealing to me, something that sort of faded with the power creep and repetition of the same story beats over and over again, is how satisfying it is to see Luffy and pals take down warlords and tyrants a thousand times stronger than them through sheer force of will. What right does this punk-ass kid from the East Blue with stretchy powers have to take down a powerful Fish-Man, or a lightning-slinging self-proclaimed god, or a seasoned undercover assassin with a thirst for blood? But he does it anyway! He works out and trains and shit, and basically wrecks his body sometimes, and in the end, after a lot of screaming and punching, those guys are gone, and he’s still here! Because they had the audacity to hurt his friends, and he and his pals will fucking bully reality into doing what they want if it means stopping people who do those sort of things.

Now the thing about Taylor Hebert is she isn’t strong, not physically. This bullied kid never got super-strength or web-slingers to swing around on, nor the charisma to make quips and piss off the local mad scientists. She’s clever, but not enough to build a laser gun or a giant robot. She controls bugs. Wowee. Like the Stretchy Man, she should by all rights be underwhelming to deal with, but somehow she always seems to make it out alive, her enemies leaving without the eyeballs or prosthetic foreheads they came in with. (Don’t worry, they both got new ones, it just took a while. Well. Not Valefor.)

And that’s cool in a vacuum, but in the Parahumans universe? That’s an accomplishment. The Endbringers and the Slaughterhouse Nine, the horror as stakes, they’re like an uphill battle against a bigger, steeper uphill battle. And Taylor has bugs. She can’t chop Leviathan in half, and if she tries (which she does, to a degree), she risks drowning, being crushed and paralyzed, and being thrown headfirst into a concrete floor all at the same time. So she slinks around the Endbringers, too far away to be stepped on, giving CPR to the fighters wounded in battle; she plots against the Nine and probes for weaknesses, even if it means risking herself and her teammates. She beats the shit out of the genius killer mannequin man, not with fireballs or hundred-ton punches, but with spiderwebs and glue, and in the end, after being wounded and exhausted, tens of people are alive because of what she did.

To compare this to Steven Universe, or the opposite side of Skitter’s coin, the Unbeatable Squirrel Girl (though sadly SU is a better comparison because on top of the positivity it handles things like abuse and trauma) (woe is me that I’m too lazy to write crossover or toneswap fanfic, between Worm and USG by the way, if you want to do that for me, be my guest (Also a Freaks and Geeks mashup, Worms and Germs)), it’s enormously encouraging that Steven is ultimately able to stop the onslaught of genocidal space empresses, not by punching them, but by appealing to their humanity, a task that his upbringing and challenges completely prepared him for. Doreen Green, in a world of angsty heroes and villains and murder and trauma, can befriend her enemies and stop them by suggesting more fulfilling career goals, or end centuries of interstellar war with a chalk board and a day or two of diplomatic negotiations.

And that’s appealing especially today because a lot of people feel tired of fighting and knowing that no amount of talking or empathy will stop transphobes and Trump supporters from making the world a waking nightmare. And plenty of people are tired of stories of Hopeless Bleak Despair, and want a little compassion in their lives. I get that, I truly do. I enjoy those stories for the same reasons.

BUT, Worm means a lot to me right now too. And it wouldn’t be the same without the pain and suffering. Scaring the Slaughterhouse Nine out of Brockton Bay wouldn’t seem like such an achievement if we didn’t see Brian cut to pieces, doomed to permanent PTSD, while the Undersiders lie paralyzed on the floor, subject to Bonesaw’s torturous whims. The defeat of Behemoth would seem a little more predictable and boring if the Avengers pulled it off in an hour, without hundreds of dead heroes (and thousands more who died in past fights), infighting, and the threat of an ally destroying all of India in a misguided attempt to stop the beast. Mannequin running away from a super-puncher or a fireball-shooter wouldn’t feel like the accomplishment it does coming from the scared teenage girl whose only weapons are some squishy bugs, a knife and baton, and some craft supplies.

Worm presents a world where suffering is everywhere, where the where traumatized, hopeless people can fight and fight and endure endless pain, lose loved ones and body parts, be given just little enough power by those that seek to exploit and hurt them that they shouldn’t be able to fight back, to leverage nothing but pepperspray and spiders against dragons, and, after all that struggling and fighting and pain, actually make the bad guys stop hurting people. (it’s like that Chesterton quote in Coraline that people misattribute to Neil Gaiman, about how fantasy shows us how dragons can be beaten.)

And it’s an upsetting and exhausting story to read, especially binge reading or listening, and it ends in genuine heartbreaking tragedy, yet somehow the victory seems like one of the most earned wins in all of fiction. Nobody should be able to defeat Grieving Golden Jesus or Superdense Hurricane Godzilla, and that’s why it’s so empowering when Taylor Hebert fucking does.

Isn’t that just as reassuring, in a world that seems so hopeless right now, when we all feel so powerless, so tired of struggling? I think so.

[shsl-heck]

Just hit me how much we really lucked out with the whole leviathan dice rolling thing. Could you imagine how much worse Worm would have been if Taylor died 8 arcs in and we had the remaining 24 with Aegis, a fucking Ward whose power is being the worst flying brick ever?

[lakesbian]

oh god im going to see alec again. im going to pass out. anyway. anyway.

Subject: Bug Owe you one.  Would like to repay the favor.  Meet? Send a message, Tt.

so interesting to. I need to be normal I need to think about lisa and not alec. so interesting to think about whats going on over there on a reread because on a first worm read lisa is Exceedingly Mysterious (well. not for me i had nigh full spoilers going in) but on a reread its like. ohhh youre so unwell., youre so not doing good over there. saw taylor Instantly knew she was suicidal and desperate and trying to use caping as an escape, and just fucking Couldn't sit back and risk her dying. reached out to this person she doesn't know--knows far too much about, but doesn't Know--with full intent to manipulate her into Being More Okay. jesus christ. like when you think about it in the context of how worm ends. jesus christ. the tragedy of loving taylor hebert begins the second lisa sees her.

[lakesbian]

the thing abt me is that, as i have said, everything about the twee (i love the word twee almost as much as taylor loves the word copacetic) reductive fluffy way ppl obsessively ship & write polysiders is unfathomable to me. despite this i think that brian is experiencing the tragedy of being in love with taylor hebert and lisa is also experiencing the tragedy of being in love with taylor hebert and bitch is experiencing the tragedy of being in love with taylor hebert as well. so i would not say i ‘ship’ polysiders per se but i have accidentally stumbled into reading worm as a dysfunctional taylor-centered polycule regardless. polysiders but in the “lisa bitch and brian all sitting with their heads facedown on the same table in solidarity over the fact that taylor is unhinged and self-sacrificing and terrible and weird and did i mention self-sacrificing but they all love her anyway” way. and also aisha and alec are there.

[lakesbian]

'coming apart' by joywave is a tragic onesided lisa/taylor song To Me

To Me Also. "worm is about the tragedy of being in love with taylor hebert" quote from stillons is all-time and ever-relevant. like yeah it is literally about the tragedy of lisa watching taylor and not just fearing but Knowing "you're going to split yourself in two." and there's nothing she can do to stop it! lisa when she couldn't save a loved one from killing himself & then she gets a power that, instead of letting her save taylor (also a loved one. goes w/o saying), just lets her watch in more agonizing detail as taylor spends 1.7 million words killing herself for everyone else in slow motion

[lakesbian]

16

16. you can't understand why so many people like this thing (characterization, trope, headcanon, etc)

have gone on hazmat-suited explorations into ao3 before. which was a mistake.

there is a bewilderingly large subset of the fandom that likes to take a look at the incredibly tragic & compelling dynamics btwn the undersiders--all of which are characterized by some form of imbalance or distance btwn the involved characters--and then go "actually, i think this nuanced and emotionally significant character writing would be better if everyone involved was flanderized and also all dating each other in the most boring way possible."

except for aisha, of course--she's brian's sister, so it'd be awkward if they had to account for her. the fix for this is to shove her offscreen with a bit of neat little character-lobotomy to make it so that nobody gives a shit about her. alec included. fuck that he straight up killed himself for her, fuck that taylor couldn't tell whether their relationship was platonic or romantic & estimated it could become solidly romantic in the future--just make him literally Wrinkle His Nose In Horror And Disgust at the idea of dating aisha so that we can bonk him together with op's taylor doll instead! and yes, that is an actual example from an actual fic.

oh, & aisha is apparently just, like, chill with being off doing her own thing while everyone else is going on insufferably twee dates & talking about how much they dislike her instead of inserting herself into the middle of everything in the most annoying way possible for attention. i recognize it's pointless of me to focus on aisha's out-of-character reaction to inane and implausible fandom tropewriting when the tropes themselves are inherently founded on 50 layers of They Would Not Fucking Say That, but there's just something particularly funny to me about how aisha's Entire Goddamn Problem is that everyone ignores/dismisses her and the fandom not only constantly perpetuates that but gets the one (1) character who did Not dismiss her in canon (alec) in on it.

(to be clear if i was in charge of making worm good (lgbt) i would immediately and without hesitation make both taylor & tattletale and taylor & rachel's dynamics gay. she wouldn't, like, date-date either but it'd be a thing. i would not remove brian/taylor. the undersiders are a team of people psychosexually obsessed with taylor and also alec and aisha are there. worm is about the tragedy of loving taylor hebert, and also alec and aisha are there.)

anyway tl;dr i think the twee-ass flanderizing "fuck the plot and themes everyone is going out for a pizza date and then collectively telling emma to kill herself when she randomly manifests to bully taylor in the middle of the pizza restaurant" (also a real example) shit this fandom does in their 5 million all-the-undersiders(-sans-aisha-who-doesn't-exist-)are-dating fanfictions sucks and is bad and furthermore i don't like it at all. surely there is other more tonally appropriate media people could make these fanfictions about instead of Tragic Relationships: The Book. [poking wormfic writers w/ a stick] you guys don't like tragic dysfunctional relationships :(?

[lakesbian]

worm, 4, 6, 16

4. what was the last straw that made you finally block that annoying person?

i don't actually tend to block people unless they're like. Terrible people irl like transphobes or whatever. the only time i've made an exception 2 this is 4 infinity train, where i have relentlessly pruned ppl who are shitheads about the gnc girl who is my url namesake out of my internet experience. currently under the solid impression that there's nothing someone into worm could do to be irritating enough to warrant a block. this is not because i think that there's a certain Threshold of annoying someone has to be before it's fine to block them, just because i am not very easily annoyed by things online & am fine w/ seeing opinions i think suck bc they're inspiration to form opinions that don't suck

6. which ship fans are the most annoying?

tattletaylor fans but like specifically the tattletaylor fans who throw everything tragic and interesting about their relationship out the window to make them generic and cutesy. "intelligent but emotionally self-illiterate girl x girl who knows everything about her problems just by looking and is sort of condescendingly manipulating her to fix her bc she's reminiscent of how her brother killed himself" is in fact deeply dysfunctional and we should all be Appreciating that dysfunction. tattletaylor is Supposed to be about the tragedy of loving taylor hebert not about them being dinah's quirky supervillain moms or whatever the fuck else i've seen on here and thought was dumb

16.

already answered here