#would have kept the sketch alone because one thing I'm not fond of is how I'm coloring lately

[ndostairlyrium]

something something devotion

sketch under the bridge

[ragbros1enjoyer]

Lost Samurai

This is another of my unfinished pieces, detailing Kazuha's feelings of loss during his escape in Liyue. I always imagined Kazuha to not be immediately accepting of his ban in Inazuma, even before GAA2 came out. The result of my thoughts were poured on these sketches to get an idea of how Kazuha felt during that time. As it often happens with my writings, I don't so much try and write a story, because my main intent is to detail the emotions of the characters rather than their acts and choices when put in certain circumstances. I guess that is pretty much boring, so I treat it as a character study, even tho I'm afraid I can’t call it as such because I don't feel like representing the characters correctly most of times. Anyway, for this one shot I have plans on how to finish it, so it's possible I may complete it soon. For now, however, I leave this little drabble behind for you to read.

■□■□■□■□■□■□■□■□■□■□■□■□■

Kazuha pointed his eyes towards North, a habit he had picked up since the day he had left his home. Trailing with his thoughts, his eyes searching for an opening in hope to see a piece of his homeland that was situated right in that direction, he sighed as an heavy burden kept clenching his soul. The woods he had been exploring this morning where covering the distant sea and for the first time in days Kazuha hadn't had the chance to look back at his nation, the first sign of what his choice had actually came to matter. He had always been an Adventurer but that had been his life in Inazuma's confines. Here in Liyue everything was different. The trees were different, the colors of the leaves were different, and while part of his heart was in awe at the sight of something new that he never had experienced before, another part of him died any second, rethinking of the soft blues of the trees of his home and all the ways he had named them alone. He told himself he didn't have any regrets but for the first time in weeks there was a proof of doubt in his mind and an emotion he couldn't quite place but that shook him whole. Homesickness, probably. But he needed not to be afraid. He was an Adventurer at heart and knew that he would always love to meet new sights, to learn new cultures, to talk with more people. And even so, a small, painful sting was that of the order given by his God. The possibility of a future where he wouldn't return home was something he had considered before. He knew exactly what his journey entailed and he was sure of the choice he had made. But despite all of that, there were things that made him nostalgic, things that were shaping his person in a way he never had experienced before. Where were the corals of his homeland? The birds with their familiar chirps and trills? The flowers with their sweet smell filling the air? If he closed his eyes he could imagine them in all their smallest details. Because of that, the illusions kept tricking his mind at every bat of eyelashes and his heart would skip a beat, pain and fondness mixing together as time seemed to stop completely and the familiar shapes and colors appeared before his closed eyes, cutting deep wounds into his bones. With renowned frustration Kazuha kept walking the woods, a bitterness clenching to his heart. He was tired.

[buckybarnesdiaries]

bucky barnes x reader. masterlist.

part 1 — part 2 (soon)

a / n. this is a series of 15 mini-drabbles to celebrate the 500 followers' milestone, based on one word for each story. this first part contains 8, and the next one contains 7. it was supposed to be posted one story per day, but by that way, it'd take me to last an eternity to post other works / requests.

words. 1.533.

warning, tags. none, just a bunch of fluffy and cute situations with bucky.

join my tag list.

necklace;

It was the first time since you started to date that Bucky had to leave for a mission. Neither of the two of you knew when he'd be back, and that got you worried than ever. You were conscious of what he did for a living when you met him, but you couldn't help but feel scared. Next to the front door of your apartment, Bucky left his backpack on the floor, leaning to cup your cheeks on his palms and kiss your lips tortuously slow.

“I'll be okay, (Y/N)”. He murmured keeping his eyes closed.

“You better”.

Your hidden threat made him giggle. The soldier felt goosebumps bristling his skin as your fingertips toured his neck blindly, just to put in place the chain of his necklace. But soon, Bucky stopped your moves to take it off from him and place his dog tags on you.

“I'll come back for them”. He promised, fixing his pale blue orbs on yours, holding your hands to bring them to his lips and place fond kisses on every knuckle of both. “I love you, don' forget it, okay?”

“I won't... How could I, Buck?”

eclipsed;

Bucky was sweating, still not believing he was about to get married to the love of his life. He was on the altar, waiting for you and surrounded by all of your friends in common. Steve had had to help him with a panic attack he had suffered while dressing up, thinking that maybe you could change your opinion at the last moment. He couldn't blame you. But all those doubts vanished at the second you crossed the huge, heavy doors of the church. Your beauty eclipsed him, wearing a white lace wedding dress and seeming like you floated over the floor. Just like an angel.

His heart jumped. His oceanic eyes got covered in tears. A giggle escaped his lips, stretching a hand towards you, still praying it's not a dream. And you noticed the tension and the nervousness running his veins, leaning forward to kiss his cheek with all the love you felt for your future husband.

“Can't wait to say yes”. You whispered into his ear, causing Bucky to lace his arms around you and embrace you tight and tenderly. “I love you, James, from now and forever”.

sunset;

After his most recent nightmare and walking all grumpy from one side of another around your house, you decided to cheer him up only like you can do. With reluctance, you managed to get him out of your apartment and drag him to your car. Bucky was like a child, cross-armed, lips puckered and frowning annoyed. He tried to hide the fact that he had another nightmare to not worry you, but you weren't stupid.

Thinking that glimpsing the beach throughout the large front window would make him feel happier, your boyfriend just reclined himself on the seat, causing you to roll your eyes. That mood changed as soon as Bucky was sitting on the sand, between your legs, tho. His back was resting against your chest and his neck was wrapped by one of your arms, watching fascinated the sunset on the horizon. He wouldn't recognize it, but he felt much better hearing the waves crashing into the shore, while you stroked his scalp tenderly using the tip of your nails.

“You're welcome, grumpy mummy”.

clingy;

You didn't want to drink, but Sam and Sarah wanted to celebrate that the family business was picking up. On another occasion, you wouldn't mind, but Bucky was there. So, when everything started to spin around, you lead your clumsy steps to the edge of the harbor, having a sit there and let the soft breeze help you.

“Stop”. You heard from behind.

“Uh?”

“You're stealing my antisocial personality”. Bucky chuckled, taking a seat by your side. “What's up? Why are you here all alone?”

“Truth or lie?” You asked tilting your head towards him, raising both eyebrows.

“Truth”. He scoffed as if it wasn't obvious.

“I'm too clingy when I'm drunk”.

“Can't see the problem there”.

You chuckled, shaking your head inevitably, causing him to pucker his lips with a funny grimace.

“What?”

“Tru—”.

“Truth”.

“I've been all night wanting to rub your beard”.

Bucky exploded in loud laughter, not believing your words until you put your hands on his jawline. “God... It's so soft”.

His laughs increased, causing you to burn in shame. “No more drinks for you, ma'am...”

But the fact was that he turned to you, so it could be easy to caress his face.

safe;

Bucky was deadly tired on the sofa, warmly cuddled between your arms. A while ago, he stopped to pay attention to the movie, turning his back to the TV to hide his exhausted expression on your chest. You placed the cozy blanket over your bodies, making sure it covered both of you, being aware that tonight you'd sleep there. You felt sorry just at the thought of waking him up, seeing him peacefully breathing and his face more relaxed than the last few days.

Shutting off the TV and stretching an arm above your head, you turned off the small lamp on the auxiliary table close to the sofa, before getting comfier by Bucky's side. Your boyfriend purred delighted, still sleepy, as your fingers got tangled on his hair and started to scratch his scalp slowly, urging you somehow to place a leg over his waist, so he could settle between both a little more closely.

“Feel better?”

“I feel safe”. He replied in a low breath, to exhale the sweet scent concentrated on your neck.

“You're safe, James. You're at home”. Your calmed tone made him sigh, snuggling you strongly.

stay;

You snapped awake because of some knocks on the front door. Tossing the sheets to a side of the bed, you grabbed the gun under your pillow. It was stupidity. If somebody wanted to kill you, that would be the last thing they'd do: knock the door. You walked slowly, step by step, through the main hallway aiming to the door, more than ready to shoot your assailant.

“It's... Bucky”. You heard from the other side.

Sighing in relief and closing your eyes for a split second, you left the weapon on the dinner table in the living room. Not doubting on opening the door, you couldn't help but raise an eyebrow when you noticed the reddened mark around his left eye and cheek.

“Can I, uh... stay tonight with you?” Bucky inquired, licking his upper lip ashamed, bowing his eyes down to his boots covered in dust.

“C'mon, Sergeant”. You invited him to walk in, using such a sweet tone, while holding his cold hand.

He looked like shit but felt much better when his arms got wrapped around your waist and middle-back, hiding his face into your neck. Kicking the door shut, you embraced him tighter to your body.

notebook;

You were lying on the opposite side to Bucky on the sofa, but keeping your legs tangled. It was a rainy evening with nothing to do and you decided to start to read the book you bought last week. Your boyfriend was silently doing something in a notebook. Maybe writing memories, maybe doodling, you didn't know. But the third time you caught him staring at you, you had to ask.

“What?”

“Uh... nothing”. He whispered focused on the paper in front of his eyes.

“Whaaat?” You kicked his right leg with your bare foot causing him to chuckle.

“Nothing!” Bucky replied using the same playfully tone of voice.

Putting the book on the coffee table, you sat up to lie on top of him, cuddling between his legs and resting your head on his chest. Glancing to the sketch of yourself he was drawing, you raised your heart-eyes to his. It was such a piece of art. The drawing and Bucky. Both.

“I learned in Romania. It kept me sane sometimes”. He confessed, leaning to place a kiss on your forehead. “I want to remember you forever”.

marshmallow;

“Truth or dare?”

Bucky narrowed his eyes, leaning on the table just like you did, challenging him. He was trying to read your mind to figure out which were your intentions.

“Dare”. He answered firmly.

“Put twenty marshmallows in your mouth”.

The soldier stared at you in silence, watching him lick his inner cheek and push it with the tip of his tongue. He nodded his head then, grabbing the plastic bag without losing eye contact, to start to place —one by one— the sweets into his mouth. In less than thirty seconds, he looked like a squirrel with his cheek swollen. Bucky squinted at you again, triumphant.

“Hold on, I need to capture this moment”. You laughed, catching your phone to take a picture.

When the flash went off, he spitted a marshmallow like a shotgun. And you couldn't help but laugh.

“C'mon, Bu—”.

You didn't finish the sentence, being hit by another marshmallow slightly wet because of his saliva. Your grimace turned into a funny disgust, grabbing it back to throw it to his face.

“You're like a five years old in a body fos— STOP!” You ended up giggling as he spitted you the third one.

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[theravencawsatmidnight]

Pink Chains (cont.)

Kyotani owns a grunge /punk apparel shop after leaving the Sendai Frogs after a incident with the Black Jackals. He designs his own clothes and hires Oikawa & Iwaizumi as his employees. Everything goes smoothly for awhile, till you walk in; pink dress, big smile , and bubbly personality. His whole life stops in that moment. 

Punk! Kyotani x Bubbly F! reader. Aka my favorite cliche trope. It lives in my head every second of the day.

Brief Violence

The rest of the first half and all ive got so far ! / first half at the bottom !!

Your home was a cheap studio apartment not far from the college; a small studio with a cute bed by the window , a table with a bunch of markers with a big sketchbook sitting in the middle . You had the basic needs and a little couch in the corner but no tv , but there was a little pink cat bed next to the couch.

Kyo stuffed his hands in his pockets looking around the studio , it was weird being in a small studio for him since he has a home . Everything seemed shoved into one or two spots. He sat down on the couch and you were looking a little embarrassed, fussing with your dress .

“I know its not much but ! Its my little space heh, Mocha is probably in her little house sleeping. She will wake up soon though now that im home !!!” You picked up some clothes out of a basket. “Ill be right back , make yourself at home!”

“Okay sweetie.” He leaned forward dipping his head down to look in the cat hut . He could see a tiny kitten sleeping in it and smirked leaning back into the couch getting comfortable, well as much as he could in tight jeans. Kyo peeled his jacket off and pulled his phone out to check it .

Group Chat

Mattsun/ picture

Oikawa/ OOOOOO

Iwaizumi/ i knew pink was your color

Kyotonai/ guess where i am

Iwaizumi/well i dont see you so not at home

Oikawa/ are you at her house ?!?

Kyotani/yep, invited me to stay the night

Mattsun/ oh my , how adult

Kyotani/ shut up Mattsun

Oikawa/ hope you brought condoms

Iwaizumi/ be gentle with her

Kyotani/we aint gonna fuck i just didint want to leave yet

Oikawa/ 😙😙😙😗😙😙😙

Mattsun/ 😳😳😳😳😳

Iwaizumi/ 😒

Kyotani / i hate all of you

Iwa,Kawa, Mattsun/ 💕💞♥️

Kyo put his phone on the table when he saw you come out of the restroom, you were wearing a red panda shirt and matching shorts . Mocha emerged from her home too and meowed for attention . Kyo could not stop looking at you, so cute, so , so cute..

“Mocha! “ you bent down and picked up the brown kitten taking a seat next to Kyo to show him. “Shes a rescue ! I saw her all alone and i just had to help her.”

Kyo took the kitten from you and set it on his lap to pet her. “Shes cute” he leaned back tugging at his jeans trying to relax.

“Whats wrong?” You asked, Kyos lap to pet the happy kitten.

“Had these jeans on all day, i dont want to.. make you uncomfortable.”

Mocha nuzzled into Kyos stomach getting comfy and looked like she was not movin for any reason.

“I dont mine but.. you better do it fast because Mocha is not gonna care that you wanna take em off.”

Gently he lifted to kitten to fuss with his belt , you giggled getting up and grabbing your sketchbook. “Can i show you.. heh my drawings.”

“Of course sweetie, you draw?” He asked , pulling his jeans down with one hand and Mocha in the other. Kyo had on black and pink boxers . “Ugn finally..” he set Mocha back on his lap and placed the jeans on his jacket feeling a little unsure if he should have taken em off.

You hid behind your sketchbook when you saw him on the couch in his boxers. Kyo had tone legs from volleyball and a few tattoos on his legs along with some bruises and knicks.

Kyo looked down at Mocha feeling a little embarrassed. Why were skinny jeans so damn uncomfortable after a while? He asked as he pet the little kitten.

You sat down with him criss cross with the sketchbook on your lap. “Yep! I'm in college for art and design. I want to one day get picked up by a clothing store and have my drawings on shirts”

Kyo leaned towards you looking over the sketches with wide eyes. They might have been all cute things; like kittens, red pandas, hearts, patterns and space but they were so damn good. “You have a real talent these are awesome.”

“Really?!?”

“Yes sweetie. Id put these on my shirts. Oh that reminds me..”

“Oh my gosh!! Kyo that would be so cool!” Gently you placed the sketchbook on the table and looked at Kyo, he was a looking a little unsure of himself. “Whats wrong..?”

“Why exactly did you come into my store ? Ive never seen you in it before”

“ uhm Kyo.. you have a shirt in the window with kittens on it.. so.. “

He laughed wrapping his arm around you making you laugh too. “My ‘Sad Day’ shirt? With all the grumpy cats?”

“Its so cute, how could I not!!!” You hit his chest lightly not liking his tone.

“Okay okay.” Lightly he grabbed one of your hands holding it close. “Happy you did, really.” His eyes drifted off you and around the room.

“Kyo?” You inched closer, picking Mocha up leaning down to place her in her hut.

Kyo picked you up and sat you down on his lap facing him, placing his hands at your hips. He leaned back spreading his legs. “Yes? Sweetie..?” You could feel he was a little hard, it was really hot between your legs..

“Im happy i did too.. i really like you.”

His heart thumped a few times. “First girl to say that to me…” he rested his elbow on the arm of the couch to support his head. “I wasn't the nicest guy in highschool, i'll never forget the day Yahaba slammed me into that wall and told me to get my shit together.”

You looked a little sad at his words, Kyo only mentioned his aggression one other time but even then he sounded upset and full of regret.

“Do you want to talk about it?” You asked him , cupping his cheeks so he would look at you. His eyes told you ‘yes, yes please.’ But.. “No, i just want to hold you if that's okay.”

“Okay. If we fall asleep my alarm is going to go off at 8 so sorry in advance.” You got comfortable on his lap and Kyo tipped your chin up so you were looking at him.

“Would you be more comfortable on the bed?”

“Yes i think so. I dont think i can sleep like this. Hehe.”

Kyo gripped your hips picking you up, he stepped over Mochas hut and brought you to the bed to lay down with you, his face a little red. You latched onto his sleeve closing your eyes and drifting off. “Night Kyo..”

“G’night sweetie..”

Fuck what was he doing ? Talking about it will help.. right? Kyo had to wait a bit before you were fully asleep to get up and grab his phone.

Kyotani/ Iwaizumi

Iwaizumi/ Yes

Kytotani/ keep this between us

Iwaizumi/ you didn't hit it and ditch did you?

Kyotani/ what? No.

Iwaizumi/ are you scared to make it official Kyo

Kyo stared at the text for a few minutes reading it over and over .

Iwaizumi/ is it the anger issues

He squeezed his phone and sat down on the couch dialing his phone.

“Im scared ill lash out or something”

“Mm.. when was the last time that happened again?”

“The Tourney against the Black Jackals.”

“Ah yes, think Kei had to pry you off Bokuto or something right?”

“Yes… Iwaizumi i can't lash out at her. I just can't, i mentioned Yahaba and that day and she asked if i wanted to talk about it”

“You said ’no’, didn't you” Sigh “Kyotani she's not a threat, she's not an enemy . She's literally just a girl who likes you. Open up to her”

“How.”

“Uuhhmmmm, tell her you want to talk about it. I'm going to bed. You can do this Kyotani”

He hung up .

Kyo rubbed his face for a minute and glanced at you for a minute then back to his phone opening up Messages.

Kyotani/ Mattsun i know your asleep but invite Yahaba to the beach volleyball.

He set his phone down and very slowly made his way back to you. He wrapped his arms around your sleeping body and shut his eyes tight trying to sleep.

**

In the morning Kyo was awake early browsing on his phone, he stared at the screen for a minute before pressing Play on the video.

-flash back-

‘Another score for the Black Jackals!!! It is Match Point !!! ‘

The Sendai frogs were tired, sweaty and losing this Tournament. The Black Jackals were still full of energy and ready to go . It was a very hard game for both sides and Bokuto kept testing Kyotani, this was the first time he met the loud grey haired boy and he just did not like him. He knew Hinata but he did not like him too much.

Kyotani was doing better at keeping his temper under control and his team figured out how to hype him up without making him angry. Kei was not too fond of him but then again he did not really need to be, they just needed to be on the same page on the court.

That owl boy though, he was loud, annoying , and just testing him. Kyotani knew it, every serve, block, and spike was for him to clear or get rid of . Kyotani got hit with the ball a couple times and thats when he lost it.

‘Kyotani has taken another hit from the ball!!!’ Yelled the annoucer .

“Hey hey hey?!! Eye on the ball yea!??”

“Dont let it get to you” Kei told him .

“.........”

“..Kyot-“

He was on the other side of the net ontop of Bokuto punching him .The whole building was dead silent.

The last thing Kyotani remembered was hearing the announcer describe what was happening and Kei pulling him off of Bokuto.

He quit the Sendai Frogs that day, took his last check and left not looking back. He opened an apparel shop he called The Dog House and got in touch with his old highschool teammates starting over.

-end flashback-

You woke up to see Kyos hand on your head , you were not fully awake so you just laid there enjoying the nice feeling on your head. Mocha had also joined you in bed and was between you both sleeping. Kyo smelled like leather… an old leather that was renewed, it made your nose crinkle a bit. Looking up you saw he had a collar tattoo with spikes on it on his wrist . It was kinda silly but kinda cute too , although you wondered what it meant.

A minute later your alarm went off and you whimpered letting Kyo know you were awake. He let go of your head to slam your alarm clock off. He looked upset or angry in the face, and he was still staring at his phone.

Slowly you got up and gently placed Mocha on your pillow so you could scoot closer to him. “Kyo? Did you get any sleep?”

“I have to show you something.” He said as he turned his phone to you pressing Play again.

You were holding the phone now, it was alot heavier than yours . You had watched the video a couple times and everytime Kyo punched Bokuto you flinched. After the second time you placed the phone down to sit facing him.

“Kyo..”

He looked the other way running his hand through his hair.

“Kyo?”

He wanted to run away so bad. Start over again. Someplace without people like -

“Kyo.”

You were between his legs now , he had his knees up and was resting his elbows on them and still did not look at you. Dammit Mad Dog just say something to her, she's right there, dont shut her out.. dont shut..

You grabbed his face turning his head, kissing him, catching him very off guard. Kyo fell back taking you with him . You had no intention of stopping and just kissed him more and more even though he cursed between breaths. Kyo grabbed you lifting you up off his face and chest. You frowned at him and sat down on his lap once he let you go, cheeks flushed and very embarrassed.

“S..swee..sweetie”

“You aren't like that anymore!” You told him while you rubbed your eyes.

“Sweetie no don't cry please..” he sat up taking you in his arms rubbing your back in circles. “Sshh..”

“Please.. talk to me..” You sniffled into his neck squeezing him tight.

Kyo was shaking .. you were shaking . He laid his head on your neck starting from the beginning.. the very beginning. Every few minutes he would stop to check if you were still crying. He would cup your face and wipe under your eyes and ask ‘Are you Afraid of Me’ and you shook your head saying ‘No’ every single time. You were both tearing up by the end of it, Kyotani told you about Yahaba, Highschool after Iwa & Kawa graduated , how he became a Pro and Bokuto. The look on his face just made you so sad and seeing you sad was something he never wanted to see.

“Sweetie.. how , how can.”

“I like you Kyo, a lot. I'm not scared, never will be.”

“I'm so scared ill lash out at you sweetie.”

You grabbed his hand holding it and running a hand up and down his sleeve while you talked. “Kyo.. you let me touch your wolves. When we first met in your shop i noticed you were rubbing it a lot , like you were worried or you thought id just out right touch it”

“I..”

You kissed him again and wiped your eyes free of stray tears. “I want to be with you Kyo, i wanna.. see red pandas with you”

He laughed at that and so did you.

“I already said i'd take you didint i?” He asked cupping your face .

“Just making sure you know i really wanna go heh..”

“I know sweetie, believe me i know.” Kyo kissed you and you blushed wrapping your arms around him.

The alarm went off again too.

••

@zoppzoop @mocha-babes @haikyuu-but-low-iq @milkbreadcat @kozushiki

••

[lovelacegsl]

Hi! Are you still accepting amy Laurie fic prompts? If you are can you do 127. I'm tired of pretending?

I'm sorry this took me so long but anyways here it is, I've been terribly drained from inspiration but I managed to pull this out. Hope you like it! Also this is from the universe tolerate it where Amy married Fred and Jo married Laurie out of desperation!

Being married to Fred Vaughn has brought her wealth, security and a title, she should have every reason to be elated, her twelve year old self would be very proud, Amy consoled herself with the thought more often than not. She was surrounded by beautiful gowns and perfectly trimmed silk ribbons and surrounded by beautiful balls and perfect dinners and a handsome husband who so clearly loved her.

Her life was perfect, but Laurie was right, too much perfection becomes dull and boring too soon but she suck up to it and plastered her best smile when Fred carried her to his fuzzy English state. Sometimes she even believed she was happy, when Fred tried and succeeded to make her laugh, or when he complimented her art or her dress. Though those are superficial compliments, where Laurie would have complimented her cunning eye for capturing a landscape just right. For capturing an emotion just right.

She was surprised to say the least, when Fred mentioned visiting her family in Concord, it's been almost over a year since they married and moved to London. Who would have thought that all she dreamed as a girl could make her so unhappy? The thought was bitter but familiar, she was already used to it.

“That would be lovely, Fred,” Amy said trying to hide her smile and her fear and all the emotions bottling up inside her.

The Laurences offered a room in Plumfield for them, for the time of their visit which would be shortly of one month, she would love to move there and help Meg with her children now that John was gone, but she thought it was fine with helping her financially. She knew it was not fine, at least not emotionally. At least things were how they were supposed to be, weren't they? Jo and Laurie married, she and some fine European gallant they always expected her to find. She couldn't wait to go home, where there wouldn't be any nagging eyes pressuring for answers as to why she wasn't pregnant yet. She didn't knew either, maybe from lack of trying, she had maneuvered the ability of sucking Fred's cock for when he was hard and insistent against her, he never bothered to ask for more when she was finished and swallowed his fluids.

Her family received her with open arms, the first stop was Meg's house where she gave the twins gifts and sweets she brought from London, Meg almost cried when she saw her youngest sister and Amy could only hold on for dear life at her sister. Orchard House was just the same, the same old, small house but still filled her with the dreary feeling of regret, Marmee's face filled with compassion and somewhat small disappointment, Amy did not care anymore, she'd been use to it since she was young. Her father looked older, too, his eyes had more wrinkles. Jo was never one for holding big dinners or parties or balls, Meg had offered herself to organize some kind of gathering in Plumfield for her and Fred, Amy was glad at least to have all her family gathered. Her heart plummeted when she saw Laurie's mop of hair but she ignored it.

“Jo! Jo!” Amy yelled, her heart filling itself with long forgotten fondness and love for the sister she most fought with, Jo looked away from her garden and pulled herself upright, laughing and greeting her with the most beautiful smile Amy's ever seen in her face before Amy pulled her in a hug, she never thought seen Jo would get her in such a good mood since she, after all, married Laurie, she could see Fred engaging himself in an amiable conversation with Laurie.

“Laurie,” Amy said and he smiled at her, they were, after all, siblings weren't they? He pulled her in a hug and she allowed herself to bury her face in his collarbone for a minute before pulling back. He smelled of wood and clean laundry and it made her heart ache.

She didn't slept that first night, the memories that haunt her were too much to bear, the place was too familiar and she wondered if Laurie ever thought of her there, this place that used to be hers and Laurie's, once in a long time ago was now Jo's and Laurie's. She woke up in the middle of the night wrapped in Fred's big, strong arms, he was too warm for her to bear so she stood up and stretched silently walking downstairs to the kitchen to grab a glass of water. Her eyes filled with some tears when she remembered herself and Laurie eating strawberries in there, alone and laughing, him doing his best to be a distraction for her.

She started to wander through the big, old house, biting the inside of her cheek to keep from groaning at the changes her sister had done. It was a school now, so it was a very possibility that it would change, the change was unwelcome in Amy's eyes. She only hoped for the drawing room to be the same, where she would draw Laurie and he would play the piano for her, she missed him, so much it ached her ribs, they never talked about what had happened between them. His half heartedly confession to her that dreary afternoon, that one day she didn't followed his confession out of anger, that one day he married Jo. She didn't wanted to talk to him but, almost as if she manifested him, he was there as soon as she walked in

“Amy,” Laurie said in surprise as she stepped in the drawing room, she opened her lips for a minute and swallowed when his mind caught up on what she was wearing, which was a red silk robe on top of her nightgown.

“My apologies, I thought it was empty in here,” Amy said wrapping her arms around herself and he nodded “I'll just go,” She nodded and started to back away.

“No, stay, I don't mind,” Laurie said but he hadn't looked up from the piano, she sat down in the couch there and stared at him, those same dark eyes that used to admire her in Paris, when she was the only thing that kept his attention. She longed for those days, where she slung her arm across Laurie's crook of his elbow and walked around Paris like it was theirs, and it was, where he used to read to her and she would sketch him, where they would gossip at balls.

“I-We have missed you Amy, the town isn't the same without the frolicsome sister,” Laurie said cutting the silence, she looked up at him, her hands fidgeting with her robe.

“A lot of things aren't the same,”Amy answered softly and he finally looked up from the piano keys, she's never seen him look older.

“You're right, it feels as though it was centuries ago that I visited you here everyday,” Amy nodded and fixed her gaze on the floor

“Where's Jo?” Amy asked instead and looked up when he didn't answered, he shrugged and she nodded lifting her eyebrows “I've missed you too,” Amy allowed herself to say and he looked at the floor. He looked like he was swallowing words.

“You have everything you always hoped for, don't you?” Laurie asked finally and she sighed heavily.

“I suppose so, and so do you,” Amy said because it was true, it was never the plan to marry the other, it had been a change she had never allowed herself to hope, a universe where Laurie loved and desired and wanted her. When it happened she was wholly unprepared and messed everything up. How weird everything was, having everything you always wanted only to realize you didn't wanted it anymore.

“I suppose,” Laurie murmured and stood up from his seat in front of the piano, she knew this was wrong, so wrong, but she couldn't bring herself to care. She wanted to be selfish, just like Jo always described her as. He sat down next to her in the couch though in the other corner, far away from her. It felt like a whole ocean was between them, she thought it might have been better not coming at all, being so close to Laurie was making her blood sing, she wanted to scream and kiss him, slap him and make him bury himself inside of her. She would never, though, nor Jo nor Fred deserved such thing.

She knew things weren't ideal with himself and Jo, Meg had written about it to her.

'𝘛𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘴𝘦𝘦𝘮 𝘵𝘰 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘥𝘳𝘪𝘧𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘢𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘵, 𝘈𝘮𝘺, 𝘐 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘵𝘰 𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘱'

'𝘓𝘢𝘶𝘳𝘪𝘦 𝘪𝘴 𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰𝘰 𝘮𝘶𝘤𝘩 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘭𝘶𝘣, 𝘐'𝘮 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘥 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘩𝘪𝘮'

“How is... how is London?” Laurie asked “I've talked to Jo about visiting you, but it's a little hectic around here,” Laurie said fixing his gaze on her face. 𝘈𝘸𝘧𝘶𝘭, she wanted to say but occupied herself explaining her new, big house, detailing the balls she went to and how she did brought those sweets he had written to her. His eyes looked at her attentively, and she tried to ignore it. “It's good talking to you again Laurie,” Amy concluded and he nodded looking at the floor, the air was too uncomfortable and tense.

“Do you think, you could like, stay here longer?” Laurie asked with hope and she smiled brushing a strand of his hair off his forehead and shook her head

“Fred has to go back to work,” Amy said although she did wanted to stay.

“𝘐'𝘮 𝘵𝘪𝘳𝘦𝘥 𝘰𝘧 𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘵𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨, Amy, I'm so tired you wouldn't understand,” Laurie said closing his eyes harshly, it took her unprepared once again. She thought they've both put it behind them.

“I never thought you were doing a fine job either anyways,” She teased and he gave her a tight smile at last, reaching to hold her hand, it made a spike run through her spine.

“We were never the best at those plays, were we?”

“No,” Amy said with a small laugh, he smiled back and it looked more sincere than all of his smiles and before she could stop him, stop it. His lips found hers, she didn't pulled back but didn't deepened it for a minute, her heart fluttered in her chest and he kissed her so slowly it made her head cloud with fog and it made her want to sob. Her hand fisted in his hair and kissed back, desperately, she resisted the urged to put herself in his lap and moaned when his lips drifted to her neck “We can't, we can't Laurie,” He ignored her and kissed the spot behind her ear and his fingers traced her breasts, she arched herself into his touch and clamped her thighs together to reign in her desire, she never knew it could be like that. He pulled back from her and she stared at his flushed cheeks, his toussled hair, his red lips.

“I'm sorry,�� He whispered and she nodded pulling back completely and biting her lip to keep herself from sobbing, she leaned her head in his shoulder and felt him press a kiss to her forehead.

“I'm sorry Laurie, I'm sorry for marrying Fred,” Amy whispered at least and his arm wrapped her shoulders.

“It's fine,” Laurie said at last and she sighed when he pulled back. He reached inside the pocket of his nightgown. A ring.

“It was my grandmother's,“ Laurie said, a beat “Jo... never wanted it, she said it's too much for her,” Amy's eyes prickled with tears, she took the ring from his fingers and ached to slid it in her finger.

“It's lovely,” Amy murmured with a lump in her throat as she examinated it, she tried to return it but he shook his head.

“I know you can't wear it, but I though, maybe for... someday,” He murmured making her look up from the ring.

“Thanks Laurie,” She chose to put it in the pocket of her nightdress instead “Maybe, someday,” He nodded and smiled sadly, his eyes expressing sadness, hope, tiredness. He closed them for a second and instead of saying anything else, she bent down and pressed another kiss to his lips which he accepted heartily.

She clings to the promise like a lifetime, and she knows Laurie does too, they found each other once, they'll do it again.

[taeminuet]

Heartbeat (17/?)

Title: Heartbeat Fandom: SHINee Pairings: Jongtae; Minkey; OnKai Chapter Wordcount: 3k Overall Rating: R (Some chapters will be NC-17; these will be marked.) Chapter Warnings: mental illness, Summary: In which not every problem needs to be fixed and not every person needs to be saved; sometimes you just need support.

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1 , 2 , 3 , 4 , 5 , 6 , 7 , 7.5 , 8 , 9 , 10 , 11 , 12 , 13 , 14 , 15 , 16

Chapter 17: Minho

The morning light is hazy and gray, filtering in through the windows and lightening the room just enough for Minho to realize that he isn’t sure when, exactly, he’s supposed to start the day. He hadn’t woken up or anything – he’d spent the entire night, actually, doing mostly nothing. He’d had a chance to sit down and actually go through his notebook a little better, memorizing the information with something that he didn’t really want to acknowledge was desperation. The rest of it though, he had spent thinking, turning his conversation with Key over and over in his head.

There’s some notes in his book, little memos of things he can do during the night; he apparently owns a few books, more than he really needs to be distracted for a few nights. Movies, with the volume kept low, are acceptable, and none of the employees here really have the heart to tell him he can’t watch movies at 4 a.m. There’s a boy that sometimes stays up with him – Taemin, it reads – but according to the map he has sketched, it’s Taemin’s door that’s shut tight, and no one’s come out from it the whole night.

The nurse had tried to bring him pain medicine at some point, but he had refused it, afraid now of side-effects that will make him drowsy. So his head still hurts, throbbing faintly, and when he touches the back of his head, there’s a slightly painful knot. He remembers his coach saying once that if they had had a head injury, having a knot was better than not having one, because swelling outwards was a lot better than swelling inwards.

Minho doesn’t know exactly how to feel about the fact that he can remember that conversation but not what he did yesterday, but it’s not anywhere near a positive feeling. Though, honestly, it's probably better that he does know that, because having to be worried about the possibility of further brain damage is the opposite of what he needs on top of this.

But honestly, he’s starting to think that a part of the headache is just overthinking at this point. He can’t stop himself; he has hours alone, and the thought of trying to concentrate on anything else at all seems ludicrous when his mind is going at 100 miles an hour, all of his fixating on last night.

Last night he had met Key. Or, “met”. It feels like he’s known Key for years, probably because he has, but he doesn’t know him. It’s confusing and convoluted and Minho’s pretty sure that’s a summary of most of his life at this point.

But… but he really did believe Key hadn’t hurt him. Does believe that still, even hours later. He just doesn’t know why he believes it, and his logic and his intuition just can’t seem to sync up.

It makes him feel unsettled, and he keeps turning the thoughts over and over in his head and coming back to the same things: holding Key in his lap, kissing him, and the picture. In the end, that’s all he has to go on. And those things make him happy. And a part of him, a very small part that he tries to quash down because it feels selfish and awful, tells him that if he only has three days, why not make them happy however he has to.

He knows that's not right, knows he can't just do that, because for everyone else it's not just three days. For Key, who has to wake up in the morning after Minho sleeps and remember all of this while Minho forgets, will it be worth it?

The truth is, Minho has no idea – that's not something he can know about someone when all he has are basic notes. That's not something he's sure it's possible to know about a person at all, whether he's known them a day or a lifetime. Who knows, really, how someone would react to the person they cared about forgetting them over and over again?

But who is Minho to just... not let it happen? Would that be the right thing to do, save Key from future pain? Or would he just be being self-righteous, taking the choice away from someone who deserves to have the right to choose? He doesn't know, and he doesn't know which would be appreciated more or, at very least, take for what it was.

It's all so confusing, and the pre-dawn light doesn't make the night full of questions and easier to understand or comprehend. Minho is tired, and he can't help but wonder, with vague concern, what two nights feel like. What three do. Four or more.

He forces himself to shake it off, standing slowly, stretching out his limbs. They feel a little too long, like he's gone through one last growth spurt that he just doesn't quite remember, but that's honestly the least of his worries as he creeps over to Key's door, knocking lightly. He doesn't know if he wants Key to wake up or not, but after a moment he hears a quiet, "Come in."

Key is sitting in bed when Minho walks in, balled up on himself, and he looks up when Minho comes in, something in his gaze that Minho can't place; there's a tension in his shoulders, and Minho remembers the strength in his hands, his arms, his upper body. But there's also something timid in the way he's curled into himself, pulled protectively down into his own body, and Minho also remembers the general fragility of him, the weight of the trust Key was placing in him and asking from him in turn.

Minho takes a deep breath. "Good morning."

"Minho?"

It's just one word, but it's so many questions at once, and Minho has to puzzle out what they are and how many of them all really lead back to the same concept. Is Minho the same person who had held him last night, the same person who had kissed him last night? Does Minho know him? Does Minho want to be with him?  

But mostly the question is whether Minho remembers.

Minho nods slowly, responds, "Key..."

And Key slumps weakly. He unfolds, just a little, in an awkward movement that Minho realizes a moment later is because only his upper body uncoils. His legs are still folded under him as he pushes himself up to sit. "Oh," he breathes, and his voice quivers, just a little. "I thought..."

"I told you I wouldn't forget," Minho says, and his throat feels tight. It takes him a long moment to realize that it's because he feels like he's lying. He is going to forget eventually.

"Yeah," Key says, and then he's smiling, all at once, and Minho feels like the expression has socked him in the stomach. "I should have trusted you. I'm sorry I fell asleep on you."

It's oddly self-deprecating, but Key doesn't seem to notice. He looks so bright, so beautiful, and... and Minho feels a pang of something.

"It's..." he starts, and his voice cracks with nerves. His cheeks flush a little, and Key doesn't suppress his laugh. His entire body shakes, and he has to brace himself, and it's just so endearing. "It's okay. I'm still here. And there's no point in both of us being tired."

It's the wrong thing to say. Key's smile flickers, just a little. "It's going to get worse," he says. "It's always... you..."

Minho shakes his head hurriedly. "Don't worry about me, okay? I'm... used to this, right? I do this all the time?" It comes out as a question, mostly, but Key nods anyways. He looks doubtful but that's good enough, gives Minho the confidence to push on. "I'm okay, really. I'm fine. Just... how did you sleep?"

Key shifts uncertainly. "Well," he says, and then hesitates, just for a moment, mouth opening just slightly and then closing like he's double thinking what he's going to say. After a moment, he seems to steel himself, tensing in a way that juts his chest forward and makes him seem so much more confident. "Would have been better if you were here."

Minho's face flushes. "I'm—oh... I could stay with you another night? I mostly just stay up and read, I think. It wouldn't be--"

"I wasn't--" Key starts. "Look, I don't know what we're doing here."

"I don't..." Minho sighs, running his hand through his hair. "I don't know what I'm doing at all, honestly. But I've been thinking all night and I can't shake the thought that... I only have a few days. And you know that as well as I do."

Key nods, and Minho wants to wince at the look on his face. He steps closer, nervously. He hadn't sat on Key's bed last night, isn't entirely sure if he's allowed, but he wants to be close to Key right now, wants to do something for him. He sinks to sitting, settling on the edge of the bed. Key is right there, and Minho wants to touch him, wants to hold him like last night when this had felt easier. More certain.

"I only have a few days," he repeats. "But that's my entire life now, in a way. I'm still trying to get used to that, and I don't think I ever will. But I don't know how to worry about that now. I just know how to worry about right now, and right now all I know is that last night was... good. And if we could have that, have something..."

Minho trails off hesitantly. Key is looking at him, just looking, and Minho doesn't know how to read the expression on his face. "You thinking gets a lot more confusing than you just doing," Key says after a moment. "You kissing me last night was easier than this."

Minho can't help but let out a little startled laugh, and it takes him a moment to find the courage to say, "I could kiss you again, but..."

"But you're right and we should talk about this," Key sighs. "Do you know how annoying you being right is?"

The teasing is clear in his voice, and he sounds tired but fond, the corner of his mouth quirking up. Minho pauses, just for a moment, and then reaches out, hand hovering above Key's. "I don't want to hurt you. But I don't think this is just my choice. I don't... I don't think I have the background to make this choice by myself."

"And you think I do?" Key asks, looking at him. "You wake up sometimes and I know you, even when you don't know me. And then sometimes you wake up and I've never met you before in my life."

Minho swallows tightly and oh. That hurt, the thought that he does that to Key. "I'm sorry. This is a bad--"

"I want to, though. I always want to. I wasn't lying. I've wanted for so long, and I don't know if I'm going to regret it, but let's face it. I regret a lot of shit. And I'll regret not giving this a shot anyways, so why not? Why can't we just..."

He trails off, looking lost, but his hand finds Minho's and squeezes, putting pressure against his palm. And Minho was right – his hand is strong, warm, firm. Minho squeezes back like a lifeline and wonders what it would be like to wake up and have a hand to hold while he mourned years of his life that he can't remember.

"Romantic," he says, for lack of something better, and Key snorts a laugh, fingers squeezing and shoulders shaking and just... Minho does want this. He does.

"Minho," Key says, and it's not a question anymore. Or maybe it is, but Minho doesn't have time to figure out what it is before Key is tugging on his hand, turning Minho and shifting himself and then he's kissing him again, like last night but more, full of intent and promise, and if Minho has ever been kissed like this in his life, he doesn't remember.

Key wavers a little, off balance, and Minho lets go of his hand to catch at his waist, steadying him gently, drawing Key in. It's not romantic, really. It's maybe a little desperate, and Key doesn't pull away until he has to fall back, panting a little for air.

Minho takes a few steadying breaths, and then he's laughing, hunching over into Key's side, his forehead resting against his shoulder. "Okay," he breathes. "Okay."

"Truly a man of many words," Key says, but he's laughing too, and he leans into Minho, his hand coming up to cradle Minho's head gently, his fingers brushing gently against Minho's throat as he does. "Your heart's racing. Do I make you nervous?"

"Maybe a little," Minho answers. "This is just... this whole thing--"

"Good nervous?" Key asks, voice just a little tentative.

Minho nods. "The best."

And Key's face lights up, that sweet, genuine smile spreading across his lips. "I'm— can I...?" He's not making a secret of looking at Minho's lips.

And that's not all this is, but kissing Key feels nice, feels right. But still... "I want to, but if we keep going, I... I'm not ready for that yet."

Neither of them mention that he might not get the time to be ready for that, but Key nods in understanding. "Okay. Just wait for me to get ready. Or..." He stops, taking a deep breath, and then looks at Minho. "Or, you could help me get into my chair?"

It's another display of trust. Key doesn't need the help, Minho knows – it's written down how self-sufficient Key is, how intent he is on being able to do nearly everything on his own. But now he's offering that up to Minho, letting Minho help him with something that he's always been intent on doing on his own and even Minho, with his limited information, can see the importance of this.

"Yeah," he says, and stands. Key's chair is nearby and like last night, all he has to do is lift him, but now Key clings to him as he's moved, arms around Minho's neck, and Key's legs loose.

When Key gets settled, he pulls him down, kissing him again slow and sweet and, "You're too good for me, Minho."

Minho stalls hard. "No," he says, and pulls straight. "No, I'm not. You're—don't think that. Please. You're so... god. I'm not better than you. How could I be?"

Minho is going to hurt him so much. However long it takes before Minho wakes up and doesn't know Key's name or his face, when he doesn't know how kissing him feels or how Key feels in his arms, weight slightly unbalanced, but so precious, not because he's fragile but because he's strong enough to trust Minho to do that after only this long.

And it's unfair that they'll have days instead of years, but... who is he to insist that Key help decide and then just ignore his decision? At least this way it's the world that's unfair and not just Minho.

"Please," he says again.

"I..." Key starts, and then his voice goes certain and he says, "You're perfect, Minho."

And Minho knows the importance of those words, knows at least what Key has told him of that phrase. He exhales shakily. "I'll remember that," he says and hope Key gets the significance of that as well. Minho will remember, even if it's in pen on paper.

Key sighs. "Remember me," he says, almost too softly to be heard, and then, "We'll make this work, won't we?"

Minho doesn't know if the answer to that is yes or no, but he does know the answer he has. "I don't know, but I want to try."

And Key's smile this time might not be bright and blinging, but its soft and genuine and he's trying. They're both trying.

"So," he says after a moment, "are we going to go confuse the hell out of the others or not? I'm pretty sure a new relationship is just what we need to make things even weirder around here that they already are, but I'm good with it."

He reaches out a hand for Minho's and squeezes. He doesn't hold it on the way out, needing both hands to wheel himself, but Minho is at his side and for now, Minho thinks, that's enough.

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