#would still fuck this man in the parking lot of an applebees

[firstaidspray]

WIP DAY

Tagged by @ghastlyrider to share some WIP today. Even though I'm very into Kiefer Sutherland characters and pairing them with Juliette rn, I don't have anything substantial to share from any of my works with them. So have a snippet of the fic where Reese and Nonia met. It's kind of old but I am still working on it so it counts as a WIP ok??

Reese's eyes once again reached Nonia's chest, although this time she knew it was to focus on the necklace she wore.

"So, what's your deal with Chevy?" He asked, pointing at the golden pendant, which let off a small sparkle under the fluorescent lights of the gas station.

Nonia sighed and began to play with the necklace once again. "My dad always promised me he would find me a car. My dream car. We'd find one and fix it up together, and it would be special." 

"What kind of car was it? A Chevy, I assume?"

She nodded. "Yes. A 1969 Chevrolet Chevelle. My favorite car, my dream car. But we never found one...and probably won't ever find one."

Reese perked up at this, jolting up and placing a hand on Nonia's shoulder. It surprised her, making her jump away from him a bit. 

"You're not gonna believe this, Nonia. That car of mine, the one that's still at the Applebee's parking lot? It happens to be a 1969 Chevrolet Malibu Chevelle! I drive your dream car!" Reese was nearly shouting, seeming truly happy about the situation.

Nonia smiled, a genuine, open mouthed smile, and placed her own hands on Reese's shoulders so that they were essentially holding one another. 

"No fucking way! You have to show me, Reese! We've gotta go back to that Applebee's and get your car!" Nonia's voice was nearly shaking with excitement, her hands trembling from the same emotion. 

He nodded and attempted to stand up fast, although the alcohol in his system made him stumble a bit. To help Nonia up, he grabbed her by the hand, making her face burn with blush as she rose up. 

Reese left behind the remaining beer and trash, which Nonia would've normally reprimanded someone for, but at this moment she couldn't care less. Her hand was in the tight grip of a handsome older man who was dragging her into oncoming traffic, taking her to see his car, which happened to be her dream car- there was nothing that could bother her in that moment.

"Is this not dangerous?" Nonia laughed as Reese pulled her into the street. "You're insane!"

Reese turned his head over his shoulder and laughed. "Ah, don't be scared, darlin'! Are you gonna be this scared goin' a hundred and five in your dream car?"

Nonia scoffed and rolled her eyes, although kept a smile on her face, continuing to follow Reese through the traffic. They eventually ended up at Applebee's, stopping to catch their breath next to the restaurant. 

"Just...just don't let them see me," Reese said between heavy breaths. "Car's in the lot over there. C'mon."

The pair headed to the parking lot, evading the view of the Applebee's employees. Nonia was caught in her tracks, speechless, eyes wide and sparkling as she saw Reese's car. 

Of course, as he'd said, it was a 1969 Chevy Malibu Chevelle. A soft black body, with a dusty golden colored roof and hood. On each door was the number 13, also gold, lined in the same red that ran in a small stripe along the bottom of the car. 

Reese stood next to Nonia, a satisfied smile on his face as he observed her reaction. "Well, is it everything you hoped it would be?" He asked, placing a hand on her shoulder.

She nodded wordlessly, eyes still wide, and walked towards the car. Her hand gently slid along the hood, but she recoiled it quickly as if she might have damaged it. 

"Reese...Reese, your car fucking rules," she finally managed to say. "This is...it's gorgeous. Can...can I sit in it?"

His grin widened, and he walked up to the car as well, opening the driver's seat door. "Well, get on in."

She looked nervously back and forth from Reese to the car, but ultimately crawled into the front seat. Her hands went to grip the steering wheel, but she stopped when she saw a note taped to the middle of it. 

"Hey, uh, there's a note here." Nonia pulled it off the wheel and handed it to Reese.

He frowned when he read it in his head, and kept the expression when he read it aloud. "Dear Reese, we decided to leave your car here in case you came back. If it doesn't get towed, that is. Keys are in the visor. Don't hurt yourself."

Nonia could only assume Reese's family was the one who left the note. He crumpled up the paper, tossing it on the ground. 

"Ah, whatever. What do you think about experiencing the thrill of driving your dream car, Nonia?" 

"Oh...oh God, Reese, I don't have a license...and I wouldn't want to damage your car…" She tried to get out of the driver's seat, but Reese gently pushed her back in. 

"I've had quite a few beers, you know," he laughed. "And you, you just had water. You're the designated driver, darlin'."

She shook her head, feeling the back of her neck get hot again. "I don't have a license, Reese."

He shrugged. "So? You'll be fine. And you can't do any more damage to it than my son did." 

Inhaling shakily, Nonia wrapped her hands around the steering wheel. "Okay. Okay, I'll drive. But where are we going?"

"How about you just drive me home?" He asked, slamming her door shut and walking around the car to the passenger's side, jumping through the window as if it were a stock car. 

Nonia smiled, reaching into the visor and grabbing the keys. "Yeah, that sounds good. You just tell me where to go, and I'll drive...I'll drive."

Reese was leaning back in his seat, one of his arms stretched behind Nonia's shoulders. Her heart was pounding, both from the anxiety of driving- no, from driving her dream car- and from Reese being so close to her. 

With a shaky hand, Nonia started the car, hearing and feeling its powerful engine spring to life. Her hand slightly steadied as she moved it from the key to the shifter, inhaling sharply as she put it in drive. 

"Are you ready?" Reese asked, giving her a look that set her whole body on fire. That smirk, those half-lidded green eyes…

Nonia nodded. "I am." Her foot hit the gas and hands jerked the steering wheel, swerving the car out of the Applebee's lot and onto the road. 

As she sped- yes, sped, disobeying whatever the certainly low limit was by going 75- Nonia felt the wind in her hair through the open window, the adrenaline pumping through her body, and nothing but pure, unbridled joy. 

[baeheekang]

the Mysme LIs + V-Day (18+ for spice)

i’m baby in this fandom but i got the idea,,, pls enjoy

Yoosung: 

shows up to your house with grocery store flowers, wearing a bow tie

secretly wants one of the cute plushes but doesn’t want to be treated as less of a man because of it so he Suffers unless you buy him one

takes you someplace with really good ramen and then to a shop that sells all kinds of Nerd Shit like tabletop games and retro console gear

gets adorably flustered when asking if you want to hold hands or kiss

made you a cross-stitch of whatever you geek out about, be it Mario, Doctor Who, or evolutionary biology 

tidied up his dorm room for you (the tiny closet is bursting at the seams with clothes that were littering the floor mere hours ago)

promises that this round of LOLOL will only take 10 minutes tops and gets sucked in but will tell his guild to cover for him when you initiate makeouts

1.5 hours later, and he’s wearing nothing but a headset and a smile, calling anyone who aims for his avatar or tries to shit-talk him a “virgin who can’t drive” with newfound confidence

Jaehee: 

your cafe has lots of heart-shaped patisserie and latte art, plus a myriad of chocolate and pink, red, and white desserts

imagine if that cafe becomes kind of a local hangout spot for LGBT+ couples??? it would be so blessed to see a bunch of wlw couples come in for an adorable Valentines’ coffee date and just share a nice tender Look about it with your gf

buys you some fancy chocolate and not-so-fancy boxed wine to share

likes to watch and make fun of hilariously bad romance movies with takeout, in comfy pajamas

clipping and painting each other’s nails,,,,

unpopular opinion maybe but I think she would Not want to bring Zen DVDs into your V-Day date, he���s your mutual friend and that would be Too Weird (her birthday, on the other hand....)

basically think a Galentine’s day sleepover but you’re girlfriends so you make out and/or have sex 

Zen: 

will legitimately ascend to a higher plane of existence if you give him flowers, go on, do it, please

switches out the black turtleneck for a bright red one and his everyday cologne for a spicy date night scent

spends most of your lowkey dinner date ignoring his beer and getting lost in your words and your eyes

today’s his cheat day, order him dessert (feed him and he’ll Die)

his grandest gesture of romance is dramatically throwing his last box of cigarettes off the roof of that building you first hung out on

wrote something super cheesy but 100% genuine in the card he gave you

gifts are not outrageously expensive but very personal

he’s always a slut for romance so you bet he’s gonna be horny all day you better believe that boy gets pegged

shamelessly goes to rehearsals the next day with visible love bites 

Seven, Jumin, V, and Saeran under the cut 

Seven: 

you are going to the Korean equivalent of Chili’s or Applebee’s, sorry to break it to ya if you were expecting fancy

he is going to wear a perfume that smells like the sexiest thing he can think of, New Car Smell, and give you a bouquet of printed-out surreal memes folded into rose shapes 

your gift has a package of glow in the dark ceiling stars taped to it 

he is also going to try to bring Saeran on the date to bond with him cause damn it, V-Day isn’t just about romantic love (Saeran is Grumpy)

somehow the date is good in spite of the twin third wheeling, leading to a lot of flirtation on the car ride back and along the way to the bunker

Saeran fucks off to his room immediately, leaving you to go at it all you want (Seven has costumes, wigs, and makeup--your pick)

embarks with you on a 2 am half-off chocolate adventure covered in a messy blend of your makeup and his own

Jumin:

usually he just puts Elizabeth the 3rd in a cute pink outfit and showers her with toys and treats and he’s still gonna do that

But,,,

he’s got a fiancé to please now, so he’s waking you up with a cocktail with breakfast and some fancy underwear that he doesn’t demand you wear but does strongly encourage you to

1000% bought an expensive sex toy

had the foresight to ask before taking the day off so he could have all day to shower his fiancé in gifts and affection

gets very wine tipsy and starts fully crying because he just loves you,, so much,,,,, cuddle him please

sends a message in the RFA chat like ‘happy to have a beautiful night making love to my beautiful future spouse😽’ instead of just updating his status like the old man he is and immediately both Jaehee and Zen leave the chat 

V: 

brunch in bed

just,,, so many cuddles

screw flowers, you’re getting an adorable succulent bouquet

gifts you an album of all the art he’s made of you since you started dating, plus a very sappy and beautifully made card 

also gives you an audiobook that helped him a lot through the whole ‘suriving a cult and an abusive relationship at the same time’ thing

takes you to see the ocean together and look for sea glass or cool shells and kneels down to make sure not a grain of sand is left on your feet by the time you’re ready to go back home

quiet, intimate dinner at a private table in a very swanky restaurant

will laugh lightly at every bad ‘haha, V-Day’ joke or pun you make

takes so many Polaroids throughout the day

Saeran: 

will take any and all flowers but he can Tell when you’ve spent a bit more on em

gives you a semi-ironic card that has, like, ‘I don’t hate you’ written in a heart on it, but a genuinely heartfelt message inside

will not try to third wheel his brother into your adorable date

splits a huge sundae or ice cream parfait with you and miraculously doesn’t get any of it on the preppy button down and pink floral tie he chose to wear today

loves a trip to a nice park or some botanical gardens or like, a natural history museum (he deadpans a lot about the weirder taxidermy pieces and rolls his eyes when you point out marshmallow root and give him a Look, but he can’t stop himself from smiling a little)

big on hand-holding and nose nuzzles

[bishiglomper]

I HAD WEIRD DREAMS

Probably because I took my drugs at bedtime. My glipizide causes funky dreams.

First of all I woke up mentally chanting:

"Demons never stay

Stay away, stay away"

It makes less sense the more I sift back through it..

So. I (not physically myself) had a little sister. At some point she turned into an orange kitten that had licked up a pill that had poisoned her. The male guardian dude didn't give a shit. I shot a baby bottle of milk down her throat because I'd read milk will bind to some poisons. It worked and the kitten expelled brown chunky sludge. (Dream logic! I popped her head off like a bottle to dump the liquid out. I had to give her cpr to start her up after screwing her head back on...)

She apparently accessed some forbidden knowledge and her soulmate-couple parents were doomed to split so she decided to give up her form and we would become sisters again sometime later when the time was right. Next thing I know, she's a little Lego viking woman.

I was taken to some boy's house to play and I dug around in a junk box in their garage to find little Lego weapons and stuff my Lego sister could use to entertain herself with because she was staying there. We made the promise that I could come visit after a while. Like a year. I was worried the kid would get rid of his legos and she would be gone.

Next part is murky..

But the next part got very plot heavy. I guess I had made friends with the warrior cats and some of them had traveled out of their place and into the world. So I went looking for them

Somehow toy story characters got involved and they were interchangeable... (I remember seeing life size Woody and Buzz go into Applebees. I don't know how, why or when. I remember wondering how they were life size)

I went to the zoo and sought out this prairie dog exhibit. You could walk right up to it like it were a guinea pig pen at Earl May's.

One of my buddies was a prairie dog. He'd been separated by his buddies but he was going to somehow get back to them. I could speak to the other prairie dogs and they thought this not-really prairie dog was weird because he had refused a mate. You could tell he was sad and lonely but he was holding out for his clan. I wished him luck and said goodbye. I'd find him later.

There was this resort.. theme park... city? Thing an hour away. I think I had a lead that my buddies were headed in that direction.

Mom read me a job ad for this area. They wanted a kid for PR purposes. You have to work on this stone bridge, posing and taking pictures with cats and dogs. They did articles on service dogs and warm fuzzy things like that. We discussed it because 1) I am a very socially anxious person and omg a job wut. 2) this place was an hour away we can't just drive there everyday. Someone then said we could be picked up by helicopter (and I was like whoa I don't think I would be real chill with that, that's scary)

But then I realized I was too old but my (non-lego, now 12ish year old outgoing sister would be perfect! ...???)

I'unno. We end up in the city (its evening/night now) and I'm anxious to find a sign of my friends. I split up from my family and look around.

I find some cheap souvenirs someone dropped that were kid make-up and 2 necklaces. They were clues somehow..

There was a line going up this resort's stairs and all across the balcony, my family were in there. It was for a nifty private movie showing.

But I went looking for clues.

I found this pretty white cat with an orange patch wandering around. I talked to her, waiting apprehensively to see if I understood her speaking to me. (I could understand the warrior cats and it spanned the gap to the prairie dogs so why not)

She did speak! But it was in spanish.

I was disappointed. But then I saw 3 Latino kids playing nearby and I called them over like "Hey! Spanish speaking children!"

To the cat I was like "....habla espanol?" And she looked suprised. I told the kids I needed help with some sentences and they translated for me.. not knowing I was talking to the cat right there. I pretty much just asked if she saw any weird cats. She confirmed with a couple more tiny clues.

During this exchange, my aunt Susan had wandered over looking for me. She overheard me asking about warrior cats and she griped "You're still on that cat story? Aren't you a little old to be believing that?"

And, it was glorious. I just glared at her, raised my whole arm above my head and flipped her off. Because I was still talking to the kids/cat. She stalked away in a huff.

(My aunt always does that, saying I'm too old to like Disney characters and shit. Like wtf? Who the fuck is too old for disney?)

Anyway.

Back when we pulled into the place, I saw a "Cars" beetle car pull out of the parking lot. It was "my friend, RC" he was upset. But by time our car had stopped he was long gone, heading in the direction we CAME FROM which was odd. I tried calling for him. Obviously didn't work. Got lots of weird looks for screaming "RC!!" Into the night.

Plot happened fast after that.

I wandered up into the hotel area, trying to find the movie viewing mom was at. I wandered a hallway of rooms. I stopped at one where a woman was playing a record. There was hippie stuff in the room but otherwise was kinda sparse. I was carrying a large pan of casserole that I put down and went up to talk to the woman who looked like she expected me and greeted me with a smile.

I forget how I received this information, but Firestar was trying to lead his clan when Squirrelflight decided she wanted to go to college. She had a little teal, square album or notebook that had a spiral of pearls on it and a bottle of what was salt? Or beach sand? She took it as a nice little pretty thing but if she didn't do something specific with the bottle of sand, something would happen to the clan and they'd fall apart. But they couldn't find her.

While I'm finding this out (I think by ambient dream symbiosis) a white cat with brown tabby patches comes in. He's a jerk but I don't remember what he said.

I take some metallic plastic confetti and some tiny potion bottles from the woman's table (who had left) I had a very strong sense I had to take a piece of this heart shaped spiral confetti from this paper bag.. I was about to write the woman a note explaining this when a man entered the room. I told him that (the woman) knew I was there and I was just about to write this note..

When the cat yells at me "What, are you an idiot? He's a demon!" Y'know. Like, run!

So I flee and he lumbers after me. Suddenly people are everywhere like a convention. I'm dodging, trying to lose him..

Stuff happens. Some girl finds me and teaches me a chant that's essentially "see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil" and is a ward against demons that very fragiley renders me invisible to them. But I have to keep chanting it and I kept stumbling over it. The girl helped. An extra chanter strengthened it.

She led me to a hidden alcove in the side of the building like the size of a vent. The piece of spiral confetti; when you held it, bent in the direction of something like a locator spell . It led me to the correct hole. (There were half a dozen) Where there were several piles of random little items and pills. Apparently these all helped ward me against the demons. They were for specific times and situations.

The girl explained that as time went on, wards moved away from enchanted items and they just started making pills that did the work. It was more convenient and worked more reliably. Some looked like antihistimines..

So I shoved all these haphazardly in my little backpack and I followed the girl who ran across some lawns away from the hotel.

I needed somewhere to take a breather and sort through all this shit. Also there was a letter from the alcove too.

But this was BAD because I look back and find a teenage black girl was running... or gliding after me. She looked like a pissed vampire.

Girl I followed yelled at me that my chant only worked in the vicinity of the hotel. I was completely unprotected. I wasn't supposed to follow her. Oops

We ran until we crossed a few lawns a few blocks and towards a strip mall.

A very dismayed middle aged Asian dude was waiting at the door of one store. As soon as the we cleared the door, he closed us in with like a garage or storage unit door. It would protect us for a while.

Asian doctor guy was very unhappy that we were there. He was friends with the girl but did not have permission to use him to protect us.

Unfortunately that's when I woke up...

So I woke up chanting for demons to stay away and never found out what happened to my friends 😣

[timehealsfanfictionbka]

Time Heals.....Chapter Twenty-Three

Chris dialed Robyn’s number. She picked up on the second ring, “what VA?”

“Where you at?”

“Applebees.”

“I’m coming so don’t leave.”

“Ain’t Tiana there?”

“Nah, she left a few minutes ago.”

“Oh alright. See you in a few.”

“Alright.”

Chris hung up. He tucked his cell phone in his pocket, pulled on a hoodie and grabbed his car keys before leaving out the door. He hummed lowly as he climbed into his car and pulled off down the street.

Tiana watched as he drove and let him get a bit further ahead before pulling off after him. Where was he rushing to?

“Bajan Girl.”

Robyn smiled and stood up. Chris hugged her and bent down to kiss her cheek, “what you eating?”

“Burger and fries. Waitress hasn’t bought my food out yet.”

“Oh cool.”

Robyn slid back into the booth and Chris slid in next to her, “you couldn’t wait until I came back to your house?”

“I could. Just figured I’d save you a trip.”

“How’d your conversation go?”

“As well as could be expected. She really isn’t understanding that this isn’t gonna work.”

“You broke up with her?”

“No.”

“Are you going to break up with her?”

“Thinking about it.”

“What’s the hold up?”

“I want her to come to terms that this isn’t gonna work and it has nothing to do with you or our relationship. Like I told her, she doesn’t trust me and she doesn’t want to be a step-parent. She thinks I don’t notice how she’s acting. I don’t think she wants this but she doesn’t want you to win.”

“Win what? You ain’t no damn prize.”

Chris scoffed and Robyn laughed, “I would apologize but I’d be lying.”

“Asshole.”

“You love me.”

“I’ma stop, you keep being mean to me.”

“You’ll get over it. So when you gonna do it?”

“I don’t know”

“I still think you should just get it over with. It’s bad enough you fucked her, waiting is just gonna make it worse.”

“I’m still not sure.”

“No, you just don’t wanna risk being alone. The fact you are even thinking about it means you don’t want to be with her.”

“Don’t start telling me what I feel, Ms. Robyn.”

“Unlike Tiana, I can because I know you. I know you better than you know yourself and you are still afraid to be alone, Christopher.”

“I can be by myself.”

“So why are you stringing this woman alone? You don’t want her then tell her.”

“I never said I didn’t want her.”

“Still wanting to stick your dick in her doesn’t equal wanting her.”

“So crude.”

“Don’t bullshit me, Chris.”

“I’m not bullshitting you. You think it’s easy to throw away 10 years of a relationship?”

“No but I wouldn’t wanna waste 10 more years in a relationship that I know I don’t want to be in. You’re either gonna hurt her now or later and the longer you wait the worse it’s going to get. Why are you making it harder for yourself?”

“This is hard regardless, Bajan Girl.”

“And waiting will not alleviate that. You’re a man, you should start acting like one.”

“Wow, tell me how you really feel.”

“I’ve never bullshitted you and I’m not gonna start now. Somebody needs to be honest with you.”

Chris sucked his teeth as he clasped his hands together, “we really should’ve started off talking about the girls.’

Robyn took a sip of her drink and chuckled, “speaking of them, I ordered their uniforms.”

“Ordered?”

“Well because your daughters are so damn tall, I had to get them specially altered.”

“You’re not very short yourself.”

Robyn shrugged her shoulders as the waitresses appeared with her food in a to-go box. She took it and stood up to leave.

“I thought you were eating here.”

“I never said that.”

Chris rolled his eyes as they started walking towards the exit, “you got somewhere else to go or can you hang out with me?”

“Question should be if I want to hang out with you.”

Chris threw his arm over her shoulder and pulled her in tight as they walked to her car, “you always fucking with me.”

Robyn laughed, “I’m serious. You always assume that I wanna be around you. You’re annoying.”

“You love me.”

“Nope.”

“Seriously?”

“Seriously.”

“Why you playing me to the left like that?”

“I’m not playing you to the left, I’m being honest.”

“No, it’s like you’re intent on making me believe you don’t like me.”

“Why do you care so much about whether I like you?”

“You’re my best friend, shouldn’t it matter whether you like me?”

“You just answered your own question, I’m your best friend; Why do you think I don’t like you?”

“I don’t know.”

“Chris, why are you so insecure about our friendship?”

“I’m not insecure.”

“So why do you keep asking if I love you? What exactly does that do for you? Does it make you feel better?”

“Yes.”

Robyn stopped and looked at Chris as he tucked his hands into his pockets, “Chris, you are not gonna do this to me.”

“I’m not doing anything but being honest. You asked and I answered.”

“I haven’t seen you look like that since Shayla broke up with you in middle school.”

“Shayla didn’t break up with me, I broke up with her .”

“That is beside the point, Christopher. What is going on with you?”

Chris sighed and moved to stand closer to her. Robyn looked up at him and he pressed his forehead to hers, “Talk to me, VA. I’m worried.”

“I love you.”

“I know.”

“No, I mean I love, love-”

Robyn interrupted, “ I know, Chris.”

“You know?”

“Of course, I know. I’ve known since you came back to Texas and we saw each other for the first time. You can’t think I’m too stupid to notice how you look at me and how you talk to me.”

“Oh.”

“Chris, I won’t play second fiddle and I won’t be your backup plan. You are not gonna turn all this attention to me just because your marriage isn’t working out. I’d rather be alone than deal with being a replacement.”

“Robyn.”

“I know what you’re going to say and right now, it means nothing to me. There’s way too much uncertainty floating around for me to even think about what you’re about to say.”

“Is that why you won’t say it back to me?”

“Chris, if I say it out loud it makes it too real. It took years to get to the point that I could be around you and not want to choke you. And it’s taken me the last few months to realize that I would only want to choke you because I’m still in love with you and it’s not right. And it’s not fair.”

“Bajan Girl, I didn’t want this to happen. I didn’t even intend on this happening. The more I talk about everything, the more I start to notice things and I didn’t want to say anything because I didn’t want to put this on you. I’ve been married for the last eight years, do you think I wanted to realize that I was only with my wife because I couldn’t be with you?”

“Wha-”

“That’s what changed. I was talking to my therapist and-”

“Chris, don’t. I can’t, I can’t deal with this right now.”

“I wasn’t trying to put this on you, I swear I wasn’t but I gotta be honest.”

“Why now, Chris? Why would you tell me this now?”

“You asked. I answered.”

“You could’ve said something funny. Why give me this emotional shit? You know how much I hate being emotional.”

Chris chuckled and wrapped his arms around her. Robyn wrapped her free arm around his waist and leaned into his chest, “I need to get home.”

“You call me when you get in?”

“I think we need a few days apart.”

“Robyn.”

Robyn stepped back and opened her driver’s door. She placed her bag of food on the seat then turned back to Chris, “I need some time. Just give me that. I need to think.”

“I didn’t mean-”

“I know, Chris. I’m not gonna ghost you, I promise. Just give me a few days to think, ok?”

“Ok.I’ll pick up the girls today.”

“That’s fine.”

“Be safe driving home.”

“Will do.”

“Love you.”

“Chris.”

“Bye Bajan Girl.”

Robyn climbed into her car and backed out of the parking lot.

[kyaada]

Max Stuffing

An original weight gain story by kyaada

It had been a couple of months since I’d seen Max in the flesh, and I always looked forward to his visits to town with the neverending hope that I’d see more of him than the time before.  Each time we’d meet, I’d concentrate on bolstering his waning self-confidence attributed to his ongoing weight gain, assuring the 26 year old Swedish meat ball that he still had more than his share of good looks.  Of course, I’d also fill his head with restaurant ideas and tempting recipes, never letting him forget that it was important to keep that belly of his full of many pleasingly delicious things.

It was fairly busy day at the warehouse club with a steady stream of shoppers pushing their as-yet unfilled carts past Max’s roadshow table.  Very few stopped to show interest in the product, making it a perfect time to hang out and chat.

“Yeah, I tried to go on this diet that my father recommended, and I had bought all of this stuff-- $400 worth--” Max said, scratching the top of his belly, “but it lasted two weeks. Then I gorged my way through Thanksgiving, then the whole month of December, well, hell, I’m still eatin’ like a pig.  My pants are so fucking tight, and well, this is my biggest shirt and it’s completely filled.”

“Max-filled, by the looks of it,” I said, reaching over and giving his rounded belly a gentle pat, bringing out a bit of laughter.  “Don’t beat yourself up about it, Max, I mean, come on-- you’re still a really handsome guy.”

“Well yeah, but I was so hot when I was in college.  I need to get back into shape.”  He stood there letting his belly stick out as far as it wanted after his substantial lunch at Applebee’s.  Giving his stomach a friendly massage with one hand, Max worked out a steady stream of mini-belches.  “Fuck, I ate too much for lunch.”

“Aw c’mon, Max.  You enjoyed it, right?”  

“No doubt, man.”  Max put both hands on his midsection, spread his fingers, and gave his food barrel a squeeze.  “I enjoy everything too much-- the main reason why I weigh 240 pounds now.  I’m the biggest I’ve ever been!  My roommate calls me his “big boy” now.  Damn him anyway for being such a good cook.”

“Oh, does he cook for you, Max?”

“Yeah, with me being out of town for a week at a time, it’s hard for me to keep groceries in the house.  He usually just cooks for me when I’m home, and with what he learned in those cooking classes last year, he’s become quite the budding chef.”

“That’s more than handy, huh?” I asked, watching Max reach down and shift some stiffness in his pants zipper region.

“You could say that.  The other week, he made this awesome tender steak with these loaded baked potatoes and this vegetable dish and this amazing garlic parmesan bread and my favorite salad and even some homemade pasta.”  Max kept his hand on top of his belly as he described the lengthy meal, rubbing back and forth as his eyes nearly rolled back in his head.  

“What? No dessert? The bastard!”

Max’s belly shook as he laughed.  “It’s all good-- I don’t really care all that much for sweets.  Besides, I probably wouldn’t have been able to fit it in.  As it was, I could barely move.  I just sat there on my fat butt like a big vulnerable pregnant Buddha.”

At the mention of his divine after-dinner state, I found myself getting harder.  “That must have been quite the sight, Max.  Did your roomie rub the Buddha belly for luck?”

“Come to think of it, he did, and he snapped a couple photos with his phone.  He told me that I was too big to get away and that I’d have to eat the rest of the sausage cannelloni because he didn’t want any leftovers.”

“Wow! It sounds like you were definitely vulnerable to a serious overfeeding at that point.”

“I was beyond swollen when I finished that last bite of saucy pasta goodness. Good thing I was close to the couch and he only had to help me waddle a short distance.  The Buddha was ready to burst!”

“You know, you really do need to come to my house on a night when you don’t have any appointments.  I’ll make you some dinner, and you can relax yourself with a good feed.”

5’ 10” Max smiled at me, showing off his irresistible dimples, “that sounds like fun.  We could have drinks and I bet you’re a pretty good cook.”  

“Oh absolutely.  Guys that come to my house for dinner should wear pants with a little give in ‘em and a shirt that will stretch some.  I’ve had a couple complaints where my dinner guests had eaten too much.”

“Are you gonna impregnate the Buddha?”

“Maybe a little bit, Max.  Overstuffing you and putting you into a vulnerable state is pretty appealing to me, I’ll have to admit.  I might even have to you weigh in and out.”  My eyes shifted down to his belly region again after thoroughly inventorying his dimples, much fuller cheeks, and beginning double chin.  “By the way, what time do you go to lunch today?”

“We could go now, actually, it’s not that busy.” Max began gathering his various phones and electronic devices.  “Besides, all this talk about food has made me hungry.” As we walked across the parking lot to his favorite standby Applebee’s, I noticed how much his round belly bounced with each eager step.  

“Where are the good places around here to run?” Max asked me as one of his heavier steps dislodged a small belch.

At first, my mind refused to connect the vision of his perfectly fat bouncing ball of belly and his desire to go through such ridiculously pointless physical effort; nonetheless, the memory of his diet and exercise talk spurred my response.  “Run? That’s too hard on your knees, Max.  You don’t want to be running.”  The short walk across the parking lot was topped by the sight of his wide rear going into the restaurant ahead of me.  He really did have an amazingly shaped bubblebutt and gloriously stacked love handles.

When we got to the booth, I noticed that the table was pushed over to one side, and he automatically chose the widest seating area. Max said that he was going to be good and just have a salad.  I told him that I knew he was trying to stick to his diet and “get back into shape”, so I first interested him in the French Onion soup that he’d never tried before, then ordered the 4-Cheese Mac and Cheese with Honey Pepper Chicken Tenders along with a steak quesadilla appetizer for us to share.  He gave it some thought and added some crispy chicken to top his humble Caesar.  

Max received his soup first, and was completely thrilled with the new flavor and stacks of gooey cheese.  He helped himself to pieces of the steak quesadilla at my urging, and was well through that pile of nibbles by the time our entrees came.  The server flew about like a crazed bee between tables because it was so packed, but she still managed to keep Max up to his nipples in Coke, which he sucked down at a near-panicked rate.  Next, Max conquered his heaped salad easily, and didn’t flinch when I pushed my mac and cheese towards him with a heartfelt request for assistance.  

Max’s belly swelled with obvious confidence.  The gap between his expanding stomach and the table edge narrowed as he widened in front of my eyes.  The fleece pullover, already tight all over, was getting a stretching in the midsection.  Suddenly realizing how full he was getting, Max leaned back momentarily and emitted a stout belch.  The bearchub of a manager chugged his way up to the table and asked how everything was tasting, recognizing Max from his many previous lunch trips.  “How’s my best customer?” the bearchub asked, “from here, it looks like you’ve got a little space left between you and that table, so we should fill it with a nice big dessert. What do you say?”

Powerless to avoid being desserted, Max watched as the bearchub sat an overscooped Blue Ribbon Brownie in front of him with two spoons.  The brownies were stuffed with chunks of dark chocolate and nuts, covered in hot fudge.  Two large scoops of chocolatey decorated vanilla ice cream sat on each side of the brownie pile in a similarly irresistible manner like Max’s fattened pecs adorned the top of his rising belly.  Despite his previously mentioned aversion to sweets, Max gorged himself to capacity on the quickly melting heap of decadence.   “There! That was a great diet lunch, Max.” I complimented the completely rounded stud seated in front of me.  His overfull belly pushed against the table hard enough to cause a mini-roll of fatness just above the table ledge.  If I would have shoved the table over just one inch toward him, it was likely that I’d be wearing his enormous dessert.

Max smiled at me as he rested his head back against the top of the booth, absentmindedly running his hand across the top of his big bloated belly.  “I’m so fucking full that I hurt.”

“Poor guy! Applebee’s apple barrel boy.”

Max looked at his phone.  “Oh shit-- I better get back to work!” His sudden realization spurred him into movement, but his next revelation was that he was a bit too overloaded to move quickly.  “Oh my Goddddd, get the forklift!  You might have to help roll out the barrel boy...”  Belching and grunting his way out of the tight fit of the booth, Max was finally able to stand up and begin his journey to the front door.  Even the most casual of observers in the restaurant could make out Max’s protuberant bulge and how it led the way while he shifted his pasta butt into gear to motor towards the entrance.  

“Take your time, Max, remember, you’re built for comfort, not speed.” I told him, looking ahead to see the bearchub manager waiting patiently at the front with a to-go bag.  

“You got that right-- besides, I don’t think I could move faster than this if I tried.”

Max slowly glided into position by the bearchub manager like a heavy-laden truck pulling into a highway weigh station.  The manager smiled and thanked him profusely for coming in again, handing him the to-go bag.  Addressing Max’s confused look, he offered, “you forgot your leftovers at your table, sir.”

“But I didn’t...” Max sputtered, relaxing his belly for a moment to let it become as round as possible.  The hefty young manager peeled off a “Blue Ribbon” sticker and smoothed it onto Max’s extra-taut fleece right above his left nipple.  Finding the humor in the situation, we all chuckled at how Max really did resemble fattened free range livestock.  The bearchub reached over and patted Max’s very full belly and thanked him for being a valued customer, “I know that you’re pretty stuffed at the moment, but here’s a little snack to tide you over before dinner.”

The walk back to the warehouse was a much lazier affair due to Max’s heavy lunch.  His gut was so packed so tightly that it essentially refused to bounce with each plodding step. 
 “Still thinking about taking up running again there, Max?”

“Smart ass.” Max smirked at me.  “Exercise of any kind is pretty much out in my present condition,” he confirmed as he rubbed his impressive sphere in languid circles.  “Buddha Boy here overdid it again...”

~.~

The next day, Max sent me pics during his visit to Famous Dave’s.  “Diet food” was the title of the first one, showing a mega-pile of food for his “Feast for One”, and this was after he’d guzzled beer at the bar during happy hour.  He’d told me before that he usually avoided drinking beer because it made him bloat so outrageously, but the cute young bartender had convinced him to try a local brew he ended up really enjoying. Max devoured his single feast after tanking up with beer, and sent a photo looking down to show how round he’d become.  His new gal pal behind the bar went on to work out a deal on a giant bowl of bread pudding with sauce and ice cream, enticing Max to stuff it in.  He must have handed her the phone to take the picture, so I received a very revealing shot of his tight shirt and swollen belly accompanied by a text that said he was going to “have to be rolled out.”  I texted back and told him that I loved his new diet plan.   The following night, Max ate Mexican food before going out to two appointments.  Then, he went out for pizza and beer.  Following that, he used the 2-for-1 Whopper meal coupon I’d given him and had to go to his hotel room for a rest.  He sent me several photos of his attempts to get comfortable on the bed, blaming me for his overgorged state because I’d shoved that coupon on him.  After accusing me of being a bad influence, he told me that he had the next evening free, so I jumped on the chance to invite him over for dinner.  Then he called me.

I answered the phone and heard this protracted belch rumble through my earpiece.  

“Wow, Max, you okay?”

“Oh my GOD I’m so full.  Just stick me with a pin and pop me already.”  Max said, breathing loudly enough for me to hear him over the phone.

“Poor guy. At least you’ve had two nights of stretching your stomach before you come to dinner at my house.”

“I’m definitely stretched out. I had to unbutton my pants.” Max belched again.  “I look so fat right now.”

“You looked like a big ol’ sausage in the pics you sent me.  A big, stuffed sausage...”

“Sauté me in beer until I split.” Max quipped.  

“So, are you in the mood for beer tomorrow night, Max?”

“Whatever you got.  I’m just gonna sit there with my mouth open like a little baby bird and let you feed me whatever you want.”

“Okay then.” I felt my face get hot as my blood started to rush around my body.

~.~

I certainly didn’t mind spending hours preparing for Max’s Big Meal the next day.  Cooking and baking non-stop, I gave my collection of cookbooks a thorough workout.  Feeling a touch exhausted, I poured myself a gin and tonic and looked over the assortment with undeniable satisfaction as the doorbell rang.  Time had really gotten away from me during all of that preparation.

I opened the front door and guided Max in.  “Hello there,” I said.  “Hey,” Max replied with a smile.

“You know, I’ve never been invited to a guy’s house for dinner before,” Max said as he shed his coat and showed off his ensemble.  To my amazement, he’d chosen his black knit pullover shirt he’d outgrown several months prior, stretched it over what appeared to be a tank top underneath, and then struggled to button his tan dress pants from work.  The zipper had no hope of traveling up to the top of the track, and there was a “v”-shaped gap underneath the tortured pants button.  

“No worries, dude.  You just sit back and get a bellyful of food and drink like normal.”

“All right, I can do that!”  Max confirmed, running his right hand over his rounded middle.    He sucked in the delicious aromas that filled the air.  “Wow, what smells so good?”

“I’m so glad you asked.  Would you like a drink?”

“That sounds perfect.” Max said, “I could use a stiff one.”  

“Kitchen’s that-a-way,” I pointed out, letting him walk in front of me.  His fat butt wobbled from side to side in front of me, and I tried to calculate how many pots of pasta it took to get the seat of his tight pants to fill out that much.  “How about a martini?”

“Sure!”  Max looked around at the smorgasbord of food around the kitchen and was genuinely surprised.  “Oh. My. God. You really outdid yourself!”

Max made short work of the frozen glassful of gin I’d poured him and held the empty out for me to fill again.  “No way, you left the scale out for me?”  Seeing the scale over by the back door, Max sauntered over and stepped on it.  “Not sure if I should do this or not...”

I took another long drink of my gin and tonic as I walked over to see what the scale had to say.  “Huh.  251 pounds, Max,” I told him as he tried to suck in his belly and lean forward to look down at the readout.  

“251, really?” Max sipped his martini confidently.  “Damn. I just keep putting on weight,” he said as he started scooping up seven layer dip with tortilla chips, “ Well, I guess I shouldn’t be too surprised with how much chow I’ve been pushing down my gullet these past few days.”  The effects of the quick infusion of cold gin became obvious; Max was getting “softer”.

Like a switch had been flipped, Max concentrated on conquering the chips and dip while alternating nibbles of crostini slathered with roasted garlic cream cheese, roasted peppers, and balsamic vinegar.  I opened him a beer and he guzzled to wash down the uninterrupted stream of appetizers.  Finding true love with the barbecue sauce-drenched bacon-wrapped Italian meatballs, he popped them in his mouth, one after the other, like Pac Man on a hurried trip through the maze.  Max’s black shirt stretched as his stomach swelled, and his facial expression was that of pure bliss.  “What’s for dinner?” he asked.

“Come this way,” I said, guiding him into the dining room where I’d set a very attractive table.  “Make yourself comfortable.”

“One minute,” Max delayed, as he doubled back to fill a large plate full of his favorite hors d’ oeuvres.  

“You’ve sure got a good appetite there, Max.” I complemented him, giving his middle a lustful stare.

“You’re an amazing cook, too.  I think I’m in trouble,” Max told me, setting his big plate of nibbles on the table and rubbing his rounder belly in wide circles.  

Max’s prediction of trouble became more real over the next hour of uninterrupted binging.  After he’d finished the entire pan of steak enchiladas, the outline of his wide belly button was unmistakeable through his divinely taut shirt.  The slipperiness of the black knit material caused the hem of that outer shirt to slide up a bit on his swelling belly, creating a white strip of the cotton undershirt below.  Max finally took a break from shoving food into his mouth.  He scooted his ample butt forward and leaned back in his dining chair, arching his back slightly.  The movement caused him to emit a very satisfied belch; startled at the volume of the burp, Max excused himself and rested a hand on top of his much taller belly.

I leaned toward him, unable to hide my pleasure in his condition, and pushed my hand against his firm stomach.  Max let out a grunt and looked over at me.  “How are ya feelin’ there, big guy?” I asked, giving his bulging belly a couple enthusiastic thumps.  “Yer gettin’ big!”

“The food is too good. I gotta use your restroom for a minute.”

Max struggled to get up, grunting and groaning all the way, pausing to stand before me while he stretched his arms up to the ceiling.  His combination of shirts rode up his belly, baring a nice portion for me to view, and his pants button appeared to be in imminent danger of launching.  Max grabbed his latest beer bottle off of the table and chugged down what was left.  “Ahhh, good stuff,” he said, belching loudly.  Allowing his belly to relax a little, the increased size was enough to pop his pants button off into my lap.  

“Well, it was only a matter of time.  That button’s days were limited,” I comforted him.

“40s here I come,” Max said before turning to wobble to the bathroom.  I watched his concerted effort to walk after eating as much as he did, and continued marveling at how fat his ass had gotten over the previous few months. His gait seemed unnecessarily hindered until he let out a fart as he exited the room.  “Excuse me!” he called behind him as he continued his journey to apparently release even more accumulated pressure.

I checked on the outrageously topped pizza in the oven and pulled it out ahead of it becoming too browned.  Opening another beer for Max, I waited for him to return.  As I was cutting slices, I heard Max puffing his way down the hallway.  Emerging in the kitchen, he lacked his overtight black pullover shirt and was clad only in his completely filled white tank top.  His nipples were obviously hard and he’d made no effort to raise his pants zipper whatsoever.  Max’s basket was plump as he opened his mouth.  “Pizza?  Oh no.  My weakness.  You know my weakness.”

“Yup.  You told me one time and I’ve never forgotten.”

Max stood there in the kitchen admiring the incredibly tasty mound of toppings smothering a semi-thick crust, sucking back drool and swallowing hard to keep it from escaping the corner of his mouth.  “It looks so good.”

“Do ya think it will fit in your belly?”

“It’s definitely gonna be a tight fit.  I’m gonna have to stretch top-to-bottom and side-to-side.”

“Attaboy, Max! That’s the spirit!”

I picked up a heavy slice and guided it towards his mouth.  His lips instinctively parted as he opened his mouth wide for a giant bite.  I pushed the ample portion in as far as I could and he responded by taking an enormous chunk.  That first piece disappeared quickly, and his hunger was reignited by the irresistible combination of flavors.  He stood there in front of the cooktop gorging himself on pizza as I opened another beer for him.  Max spread his feet apart to lower his center of gravity toward the food supply, and relaxed his abdominal muscles as possible to facilitate continuous swelling.

I must have created the perfect storm of toppings because Max could not and would not stop eating.  His midsection blew up like a balloon as he used both hands to push in slice after slice.  He looked over at me with a couple pieces remaining, blinked several times, belched forcefully, and said, “I’m getting s-t-u-f-f-e-d!!”

“No doubt, Max.  Your gut looks like you’ve swallowed a beach ball.”

Max chuckled as he requested another beer. “I can’t believe what a bad influence you are.  I’m supposed to be on a diet!”

“Hey, I’m sorry, Max.”  I walked over and placed my hand on top of his protruding belly.  I pushed in to fully appreciate the fullness, watching his nipples harden again.  His softened pecs sat on top of his overfed belly as plump reminders of his long-forgotten days in the gym.  I put my other hand on the small of his back, brushing his thick lovehandle on the way over.  Pushing him forward with one hand as I rubbed back and forth on his solid belly with the other, I noticed him chew his mouthfuls faster.  “Your diet is as blown as this fat belly.”

Max looked down and the surprise on his face was evident.  “Holy fuck...my belly has never been this big!”

“Feels good, doesn’t it, Max?”

“Fuck yeah. Keep rubbing!  Maybe get behind me and use both hands...”

He didn’t have to ask twice, and I pushed my hot crotch into his fat bubble butt as I reached around his front.  Max gobbled down the last of the pizza and guzzled his near-full beer.  I squeezed a big long belch out of him and then shook his enormously swollen belly from side to side.

“You’ve impregnated me with food!” Max babbled in a daze, leaning his head back against my shoulder.  “Not that I’m complaining at all, but fuck, I’m so fat!”

“Yeah, you are. Your belly feels like it’s gonna bust!”

“No lie. You ought to pop me and put me out of my misery!”

“Maybe after dessert.”

“Dessert?”

I started smacking Max’s tight gut with alternating hands.  “Damn, this tank makes some fine sounds.  I could play this drum for a long time!”  Max put his weight back against me as I harvested a new round of burps from his ripe watermelon of a belly.

Max pulled away from me and waddled over to where the scale sat on the floor.  He was so full that his arms swayed out away from his body.  Stepping on the scale, he became frustrated almost immediately.  “Shit.  I can’t see the display-- my belly is too big.  You fed me too much!”  

I walked over to his side, looked down, and reported the 261 that showed on the display.  Smacking him right in the full gut, I told him “hey, it takes two to make a 10 pound food baby.”

“Fuck, man.  I gotta go on a diet.  I’ll never find a girlfriend at this rate.”

“Max, I’ve told you before...you’re a damn handsome guy!  So what if you’re thirty, forty, uh, sixty or so pounds overweight for your height.”

“More like 80 pounds overweight,” Max smirked, putting a hand on each side of his bloated sphere of chow.  “Okay, 90.”

“Trust me, Max.  You can find a girlfriend.  There’s plenty of women out there that will find you a plenty good catch.  You’ve got a steady income, you’re reliable, and you come with nice big bubble in the middle, which means you’re on the level.”  

“I’m just not looking because I don’t like how I look right now...” Max said, stepping off of the scale.

“But hell, you’re so hunky and chunky.  You just need to find a girl that will bring you beers while you sit on the couch waiting for her to finish making you an extensively filling dinner.  You’d be much happier letting your belt out another notch than going and sweating it up at some gym.”

I could sense Max traveling to this magic land of perpetual weight gain in his mind as he   wobbled back into the main kitchen area sniffing around for more food. “I do hate cardio, that’s for sure.”  He parked his fat butt against the counter and let his gut relax out to full bulge.  

“See?” I eased my way over in front of him and gently punched around on his enormous ball of belly.  His tank top’s hem lifted up to expose his belly button, inviting my finger in for a visit.  “You’re destined to be an overfed chubby hubby.”  As I pushed my finger in and out of his belly hole, he horned up instantly.  “Now, how about some dessert?”

“Jeeeeeez. Are you just going to keep pushing food in me until I explode?”

“Is that a bad thing?” I inquired.

“Nah. You’re an amazing cook.  My belly is telling me to stop, but my taste buds are longing for more.  Why did you make everything so delicious?”

“It was all part of the plan to make sure you really enjoyed yourself, Max.  I’ve loved watching you grow fatter over the last few months.”

“Hmmm.  Well, you do talk about restaurants and recipes a lot.  You’re always making me hungry....even after I’ve eaten!”

“Oops... Sorry about that.”  I pulled out a plate of brownies and wafted the aroma under Max’s nose.  He started salivating again, and his dimples made a lengthy reappearance.  “Brownie cups with Reese’s peanut butter cup centers...”

“No way...”  

I took one and shoved it halfway into his mouth.  Pouring him a big glass of chocolate milk, I had him take a big gullet-clearing swig after he swallowed the generous bite of brownie treat.  “C’mon.”

Soon, I had him laying across my lap on the couch as I fed him stuffed brownies and poured chocolate milk down his throat.  After I’d shove another morsel in his eager mouth, I’d give his ever-swelling belly an intense rubbing.  Max’s stomach pushed up higher and higher into the air, becoming tighter as it rose.  Finally, Max was struggling to swallow down each subsequent bite, and I knew he was reaching capacity. 

“Ohhhh, my belly...” Max moaned.  

I put both hands on his mound and finger-massaged my way around it.  “It’s like a big round rock!”

“I know...it’s all your fault.” Max got out between labored breaths.  “I’m overgorged.”

“Poor guy.  Hard-bloated from rib to cock....” I thumped his enormous gut like a ripe melon.  “Now, aren’t you glad you finally made it over for dinner, Max?”
 “Buddha is on the verge of going boom!”

Max wriggled off of my lap and capsized onto all fours on the floor.  For a moment, all he could do was adjust to the amount of gravity pulling his tumescent abdomen close to the rug.  “Blue ribbon Buddha...” I observed, remembering the sticker he’d gotten the other day from the hot bearchub manager at Applebee’s.  Thumping the side of his full tank, I produced a series of most pleasing “bomp” sounds.  “So ample and plump, this Buddha Boy,” I told him, scooting forward to sit on the edge of the couch so that I could reach all of the way under his solid gut.  “Like a big tom turkey being fattened for a sublime Thanksgiving meal.”

“Tell me about it.  I keep wanting to get back my hot college bod to get the ladies, but all I have are guys stuffing me until I’m ready to pop like a tick!”

“You should resist those insane temptations and do some push ups -- right now!”  

Max grunted incredulously.  Pushing his legs back one after the other, he soon found himself laying on his beach ball of a gut in a pregnant plank position.  I pushed him over onto his back and watched his mountainous bellyful wobble into upward prominence. I mercilessly fingered his shallower belly button and shook his tank from side to side.

“Heh.  I thought so.  Now, try to do a sit up.”

“Please.” Max breathed, working out a long, satisfied belch.  I knelt down beside him and put both hands on top of his tall girthy gut, applying pressure in various degrees all over the broad expanse.  I watched his cock lengthen inside his taut underwear, knowing that he was thoroughly enjoying the attention. Grabbing the hem of his tank top, I worked the skin tight affair up to his fattened pecs crowned with hard nipples.  I slapped the bare skin of his bloated stomach, careful not to work his packed digestive tract too much.  

“Max can’t run, he can’t do a push up or a sit up,” I stated, lifting my leg up and over to straddle his big round mountain.  “He can’t even escape a sure and certain forcefeeding coming up to finish him off.”  I gently bounced on his giant gut, quite mindful of the fact that it could prove disastrous to put much weight on it.

Max sputtered out an oh-my-god, then “sit on my cock instead. My pregnant belly can’t take any pressure at all.  I’ll split down the middle!”

“Attaboy, Max,” I affirmed, giving his taut balloon a good massage, “now to push another fattening pile of food into Buddha...”

[dylan-ohbrien]

A Place to Call Home pt. 4

PART ONE | PART TWO | PART THREE

Pairing: Dylan O'Brien x Reader

Wordcount: 4,717

Warnings: Language

A/N: This is one of the shorter parts but there is still quite a bit that happens. Once again, huge thank you to Chloe ( @writing-obrien) for letting me run an idea past her. As always, I hope you guys like it, let me know what you think. ENJOY! 

Five days. Five days since the attack. Five days since I almost lost her. Five days I haven’t been able to hear her voice. Five of the longest and worst day of our lives. It was as if time was standing still or at least moving at a snail’s pace. Five days where the only times I left her side were to get food or go to the bathroom and when her parents came to see her. All I wanted was for her to wake up and be okay.

Her parents came by every day and when they did I would excuse myself and take that time to update the cast and crew back in South Africa. I called Tyler who was planning on flying out so that he could be with Liz. She spent almost as much time with [Y/N] as I did.

[Y/N]’s room was filling up with more flowers, cards, and balloons every day, it was amazing to see how many people loved and cared for her. I knew she would be so thankful to have all the support through this. If only she would wake up to see it. Whenever new cards would be delivered I would read them to her, hoping she could at least hear my voice.

As I was reading her cards from all the kids in her class one of her nurses came in and started checking all her vitals before unhooking some of the wires.

“What are you doing?” I asked nervously.

“We just have to take her down for a few scans to make sure nothing has changed for the worse.” She continued prepping her to take her to wherever they had to do the testing. “It’ll probably be a while if you want to get out of here for a while. I know sitting in these rooms can be exhausting in itself.” She suggested.

“No, I’m fine I’ll just wait here.” I said shaking my head and running my hand through my hair.

“You really should get out, get some fresh air, shower, eat something other than hospital food. I promise it’ll make you feel better.” The nurse insisted. I was hesitant, just thinking about leaving [Y/N]’s side made me anxious. But maybe the nurse was right. I hadn’t been outside in five days, I probably did need a shower, and a real meal did sound pretty good.

I sighed and stood to my feet, giving in to the nurses suggestion. I looked down at [Y/N] after setting the cards I had been reading on the table. I gently brushed my thumb across her cheek and leaned down to press a gentle kiss to her forehead.

“I’ll be here when you get back, baby.” I whispered to her before the nurse wheeled her out of the room.

I picked up my bag that had been in the same place on the floor since I arrived five days ago and followed the signs to the hospital lobby. Pulling out my phone I started a text to Liz to let her know what was going on in case she and Tyler showed up.

[Dylan]: Hey, they just took [Y/N] to do some scans and tests to make sure nothing has gotten worse. They told me to get out for a little while so I’m going to find a hotel and get cleaned up. Just wanted to let you know what was going on in case you and Tyler showed up at her room and no one was there.

[Liz]: Okay, thanks for letting me know. We’ll probably head over there in a while.

[Liz]: Oh, but don’t get a hotel, just come to [Y/N]’s. Tyler and I are here now, I was making sure things were all locked up and everything. I’m sure she would rather have you here than at a hotel.

[Dylan]: Are you sure? I don’t want to intrude on anything or do anything that would make her uncomfortable.

[Liz]: Are you serious? She would probably force you to stay at her place and not a hotel, besides, you’ll have more privacy here.

[Dylan]: Alright, if you’re sure. Thanks, Liz.

I put in a request for an Uber and sat down on one of the benches outside the hospital waiting for it to arrive. It was midafternoon, the breeze was cool, it was nice to finally get some fresh air. Once the car arrived I slid into the back seat and put my window down, looking around at all the things the passed by. I laughed when I remembered how she told me she lived in a small town that had basically nothing because she was clearly being overdramatic. There were building and business all around, restaurants on every corner, even chains like Starbucks and Applebee’s.

Soon the car pulled into the parking lot of an apartment complex and found the correct building number. I thanked him got out looking around at the complex. It seemed nice, safe. My mind flashed back to [Y/N] laying in her hospital bed. How could no one have seen anything around here that night? How could something so terrible happen here and no one heard anything? It didn’t make sense but I knew wondering how it could have happened wasn’t going to help anything now. Sighing I walked up the stairs of the building and found her apartment number, assuming Liz and Tyler were still there I knocked on the door.

A few moments later the door finally swung open and I was greeted by Tyler.

“Damn, bro. You look like shit.” Tyler said looking me up and down. I rolled my eyes and walked passed him, patting his shoulder as I did.

“Nice to see you too, man.” I walked into the apartment and looked around, it was small but nice. [Y/N] had pictures all over her walls of her family and friends, paintings, and artwork that looked like it was from her students. I could picture her living there, coming home from work, taking her shoes off and lying back on the couch to relax. Everything about her apartment seemed to suit her perfectly. And the smell, it smelled like her. Like clean smelling flowers with a hint of vanilla.

“Hey, Dyl. How ya holding up?” I was brought out of my thoughts when I heard Liz come up behind me.

“I’m okay I guess.” I shrugged and she nodded.

“I know what you mean. But she’s going to be okay, I just have this feeling. It’s all going to be okay.” Liz gave me a small smile and somehow when she said it, I believed her that everything would be okay. She’d known [Y/N] longer than I had, their whole lives basically, if she believed [Y/N] would pull through, then so did I.

“Do you need anything? I know you kind of rushed here, Liz and I were going to go get some food to bring back, we can swing by a store if you need anything.” Tyler said as walked over to me. “Hey bud I know I give you a hard time and mess around with ya but you know I’m here for you, anything you need just let me know, I know how much she means to you.” He gave my shoulder a squeeze of reassurance and I nodded.

“I know you are, and I really appreciate it. Seriously. I think I’m okay for now.” I told him and gave a small smile.

“Okay, well if you change your mind just call me. We’re going to get Chinese, you want anything?” Tyler asked walking over to the door.

“Uh, I guess just some lo Mein would be good. Anything other than hospital cafeteria food is probably going to taste amazing.” I laughed and Tyler winked.

“I got you, don’t worry.” He said and headed out, Liz following behind.

“Oh, listen just make yourself at home, I know [Y/N] would want you to feel at home here.” She smiled and shut the door behind her.

Once they were both gone and I was left alone I took a couple minutes to look around the apartment. Walking into her bedroom the first thing I noticed was the hoodie I had let her borrow laying on her bed. I smiled knowing that she had probably worn it recently hoping that when she did it gave her some comfort of being with me in a way. There were more pictures placed along her walls and one sitting on the night stand by her bed. It was one of us that Liz must have taken when we were at the beach, I’d never seen it before, she was sitting between my legs, my arms wrapped around her waist, her head resting on my shoulder. I picked it up and ran my fingers over it remembering that day perfectly. That was the moment I realized how hard I was falling for her in such a short time. She made me feel things that I had never felt before and I knew I would never feel them with anyone else.

I sat the picture frame back down in its place and set my bag on her bed. I pulled out a clean pair of clothes and my phone charger, finding an outlet to plug it into to let it charge for a little while. I found my way to the bathroom and undressed, putting my clothes into a pile on the floor before starting the water. Once it was warm I stepped in and let the hot water run over my body, placing my hands on the wall in front of me, the heat relaxing me, so much so that it almost put me to sleep.

After letting the hot water run over my body for a couple minutes I washed my hair and body, it felt good to finally take a shower, I hadn’t realized how much I needed it until I had it.

Just as I tuned the water off I heard a loud crash and hysterical laughing causing me to almost fall on my ass. I quickly reached out of the shower and grabbed the towel that was hanging on the hook on the wall. I ran it through my hair for a minute then wrapped it around my waist. I walked over to the bathroom door and cautiously opened it.

“If all of this doesn’t work we’ll just have to kill her next time.” Heard a female voice say with a laugh.

“Hello?” I asked, my heart starting to beat a little faster now as I walked out of the bathroom and into the bedroom. I saw two girls scurrying trying to figure out how they were going to get out. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing here?” I asked loudly and they looked and me and froze.

The two intruders had destroyed [Y/N]’s room, things were thrown all over the floor, lamps were broken, and the picture of us was ripped to shreds. I was standing right by the bedroom door so they would have nowhere to go unless they could get through me.

“You-You’re D-Dylan O’Brien,” one of them stuttered looking at me in a state of shock.

“And you’re destroying my girlfriend’s apartment. I’ll ask you again, what the FUCK do you think you’re doing here?” I asked, my voice even louder and harsher than before. Finally, I realized who must have been standing in front of me but just as I was about to speak again I heard the door open and close.

“Dylan, we’re back and we have enough food to feed an army!” I heard Liz yell through the apartment, “Oh my god!” I heard her yell again. The girls were frozen.

“Dylan?!” Tyler yelled this time.

“I’m in the bedroom, call the cops!” I shouted back, not taking my eyes off the girls in front of me.

A moment later Tyler ran into the room, I could hear Liz on the phone in the other room, hysterically crying into the phone.

“It’s them. They’re the ones who put [Y/N] in the hospital.” I said as Tyler stood next to me. I could feel my body burning with rage and disgust. I couldn’t tell if I wanted to go at them or throw up.

“What? How do you know?” Tyler said looking at the two girls, they were small and didn’t look very strong and I had to admit, I didn’t understand how they were about to cause such harm to her.

“I heard them say something about killing her next time.” I said through gritted teeth.

“The cops are on their way, are you o- “Liz stopped talking when she walked into the room and I assume it was because she saw the girls standing there. “What the hell?” She asked.

“I got out of the shower and they were in here trashing the room.” I glanced over at Liz who was frozen in shock, like she didn’t even know what to say.

“We should have killed her this time.” The other girl spoke this time and I felt my blood boil, I didn’t care if they were small, weak looking girls, I wanted nothing more than to inflict as much pain on them as they had on [Y/N]. Tyler must have noticed my rage building because he gripped my arm.

“Go get dressed, Dylan.” He said knowing that I needed to remove myself from the room before I lost it.

“You may have killed her!” Liz suddenly yelled as I walked out of the room making me look back. Tyler had both his arms were wrapped around Liz trying to hold her back. “They don’t know if she’ll even wake up! How could you do this?! I should fucking kill you!! She never did anything to you! You fucking pieces of trash are going to rot in hell!”

I had never heard or seen Liz like that. Granted, I didn’t know her all that well but she never seemed like that type of person to ever feel so much rage. But I understood where she was coming from, I felt the same way. As I walked into the bathroom I could hear the faint sound of sirens and I knew it must have been the cops. I quickly put my clothes on and rushed out the door to meet the cops to make sure they came to the right apartment. Once they arrived I lead them into the apartment.

“They’re in here. They trashed the place but they’re also the ones who attacked my girlfriend.” I told them.

“Your girlfriend?” They questioned.

“The woman who was found by the side of this building almost a week ago, [Y/N] [Y/L/N].” I clarified. The officer stopped me and made me face him.

“And you know this how, son?” He questioned curiously.

“Because I overheard them say that they were going to kill her next time. And then they said they should have killed her this time. Now can you please arrest them?” I asked pointing to the room.

“We’re going to need to get all of your statements.” The officer said as two others walked by to arrest the girls. I felt a wave of relief wash over me as I saw the get cuffs slapped on their wrists.

“Right, of course. Sorry.” I sighed, running a hand through my hair.

The girls were taken out of the apartment and to the police station while a couple cops stayed to take pictures of the apartment and take statements from Tyler, Liz, and myself. Once they were done they said they would be in touch and would follow up about the attack on [Y/N]. Now all I could do was pray that they would stay locked up. I looked around the apartment, everything was trashed, the living room, kitchen, and bedroom. It looked like a tornado had been through and just tore everything to shreds. I would have to make sure all of it got fixed before [Y/N] got out of the hospital, I couldn’t let her come home to this mess, but I would worry about that later.

Tyler and Liz started picking up the kitchen a little, putting the food they had picked up in the fridge, no one was hungry after everything that had happened. I went to the bedroom and picked up some things, mostly the broken glass. After throwing most of it away I picked up my phone, when I did I noticed I had a voicemail from an unknown number.

“Mr. O’Brien, this is [Y/N]’s nurse,” my heart started racing for fear that she was going to say something was wrong. “I just wanted to let you know that she’s back from getting her tests and scans and everything looked good. We’ll see you soon.” My racing heart slowed when I heard that everything was okay and I couldn’t wait to just get back to her and be by her side.

I walked out to the living room where Tyler and Liz had started picking up the glass to tell them the good news.

“While all of that was going on, [Y/N]’s nurse called and said that her tests all looked good. I think I’m going to head back there, you guys should come, we can deal with this later.” I told them, slipping on my shoes.

“Oh, that’s good! Hopefully that means she’ll be waking up soon.” Tyler said hopefully. He was always one to try and look at the positive side of things and think everything would turn out okay, I loved that about him. If it weren’t for his positive outlook I don’t think I would have much faith in the whole situation.

“Thank God.” Liz chimed in. “I think I just want to get some rest though, all of that stuff just has me tense and I think I just need to get some sleep.” She said looking over at Tyler as if to ask if that was okay. He nodded.

“I understand, get some rest. I’ll let you know if anything happens and we can worry about cleaning up here another day.” I reassured her. Truth was, I knew I needed to get some rest too but right now all I cared about was being with [Y/N].

I grabbed my baseball cap, placing it backwards on my head and followed Liz and Tyler out the door. They offered to drop me off at the hospital which I appreciated, it saved me the time of having to wait for an Uber to get there to take me.

“Thanks guys,” I said once we arrived and hopped out of the car and made my way inside.

I sighed as I shoved my hands in my pockets waiting for the elevator up to her floor. I noticed a couple young girls staring at me and gave them a small smile, stepping onto the elevator, silently thanking God for not letting them come up to me. I loved meeting fans but I wasn’t in the mood and knew I wouldn’t give off the best impression if I met them now.

The elevator dinged to let me know that I made it to her floor and I stepped off and quickly made my way towards her room, the way I was beginning to know all too well. I walked through the door way and the bed was empty, the heart dropped, panic began to flow through me. Where the hell was she. I turned and just as I did I saw her nurse walk by.

“Where is she?!? You said she was back! You said everything looked fine! Where the fuck is she??” I yelled frantically. The look on her face was one of complete shock and it was almost fearful. Then I heard her voice.

“Dylan?” My head whipped around, looking back into [Y/N]’s room and there she was, standing in the doorway with the help of a nurse, her hair wet like she had just showered. “What are you doing here?” She asked softly, her voice was weak and raspy, I assumed from having a tube down her throat and not talking for five days.

“You’re awake.” I finally said after staring at her for what felt like ages but at the same time, not long enough. I turned back and saw the nurse smirking at me. “I-I’m sorry, I panicked, I didn’t mean to snap at you like that. I’m so sorry.” I said apologetically.

“It’s okay, it happens more than you’d think.” She laughed and walked away.

I turned to face [Y/N] again and immediately walked over and wrapped her in a hug, trying not to hug her too tightly. Her arms gently wrapped around me, I know it must have been painful to move for her but it felt so good to finally have her back in my arms.

“We need to get her back to bed.” The woman said and I slowly pulled back from the hug, I didn’t want to but I knew I needed to.

I helped the nurse get her back into bed, being careful not to move too fast with her or hold onto her too tightly. She laid back in bed with a small sigh as if she was letting out a breath she had been holding. Her nurse began to hook her back up to all the machines that she had been hooked up to before, but this time, there was nothing helping her to breathe, she was doing it all on her own. I grabbed her hand and could feel tears start to form in my eyes, I brought it to my lips and kissed it softly, closing my eyes to try and fight back the tears.

“I missed you so much.” I whispered, my lips brushing against the skin of her hand.

“He’s been here for five days. Hasn’t left your side once, except for earlier when your other nurse told him to go shower.” I heard her nurse say and I looked up, a weak smile on my face.

“Is that true? You’ve been here for five days?” [Y/N] asked softly and I nodded.

“I came the second I heard what happened, I wasn’t going to let you go through this alone. I couldn’t.” I moved my chair closer to her bed, needing to be as closer to her as I could.

“I’ll give you two sometime alone.” The nurse spoke and left the room, shutting the door behind her.

“You didn’t have to do that. What about the movie? Wont you being gone mess up filming?” I quickly shook my head as she spoke and got up. I carefully sat on the edge of her bed and leaned over her, gently placing my hand on her cheek that didn’t have stitches.

“I did have to, and don’t worry about that. They understand. They can film scenes I’m not in, it’ll be fine.” I reassured her, my voice so soft it was almost a whisper. “All I care about is making sure you’re okay and being here with you.” I told her.

She closed her eyes and leaned her head towards my hand, I gently stroked her cheek with my thumb, as I did I saw a tear fall and caught it with my thumb, wiping it away. I didn’t ask why she was crying, I didn’t need to, I knew why she was crying. I didn’t try to stop her because I knew she needed to get it out, she needed to cry and try to process everything that had happened. So, I let her cry. I sat there, wiping away tears as the fell, watching her, being there with her.

When her crying started to slow down I leaned down and pressed my lips to her forehead, “I’m so sorry baby.”

“Why are you sorry?” She asked, looking up at me for the first time since she had started crying, there was so much pain and sadness in her eyes, all I wanted was to take that away from her.

“Because this is my fault. I should have done something when you first told me what was happening, I should have said something and maybe this wouldn’t have happened. I should have been here with you. I should have made you come to South Africa with me. I should have protected you and I’m sorry. I’m sorry I wasn’t here. I’m sorry I didn’t say anything. I’m sorry this happened.” I looked down at her, her swollen and bruised face, she looked so fragile and it was my fault.

“Dylan, you couldn’t have known this would happen, no one could.” Suddenly she was the one trying to comfort me and that wasn’t how it was supposed to go. “There was no way of knowing that those girls would find me and act on what they were saying. I didn’t think they were serious, no one would have. You can’t blame yourself for this. Please.” She reached up and took my hand, lacing our fingers together. “It’s no one’s fault but theirs.” She whispered.

“They caught them.” I told her. I didn’t mean to blurt it out like that, it just slipped out and I saw her eyes widen.

“W-what? How?” She asked and I could tell she was doubtful.

“Just a couple hours ago, actually. They broke in to your apartment while I was there, Liz had let me in so I could shower and they were arrested. I mean, I’m pretty sure it was them, they basically confessed to it.” I told her, “the police are probably going to want to talk to you now that you’re awake though.”

[Y/N] sighed and I knew that talking to the cops would be the last thing she would want to do so I hoped that they wouldn’t come to see her too soon.

“They’re going away, baby. They won’t be able to hurt you again, or anyone for that matter. It’s over.” I tried to reassure her, hoping she wouldn’t start getting to anxious about the whole situation. What she needed now was to rest. She nodded her head and I gave her a small smile before I leaned down and slowly and gently pressed my lips to her in a chaste kiss.

I moved my hand from her cheek and positioned myself so that I was lying on my side next to her, propping my head up with my hand.

“Thank you,” she said once our lips parted ways and she looked over at me. I looked at her, a confused expression filling my face.

“For what, love?” I said as I ran my fingers gently through her hair.

“Everything.” She replied weakly and tried to smile but I could tell it was painful. “For being here, you didn’t have to do that, most guys probably wouldn’t. For comforting me, letting me cry, for being so…wonderful.” I couldn’t stop the small smile as she spoke the last word after waiting a moment to try and find the right word before settling on one.

“There is nowhere else I would rather be, no one else I would rather be with, no one else I would rather take care of,” I told her. “I love you and there is nothing I wouldn’t do for you. Coming here to be with you was the easiest decision, I just wish I had made it sooner then maybe we’d be laying in your bed and not this one.”

“W-What?” She asked, her eyes wide.

I replayed what I had just said, trying to figure out what I’d said that caused that reaction from her. Then it came to me. I hadn’t even realized I said it, every time I prayed for her to be okay I would say how much I loved her that I had almost forgotten that I’d never actually said it to her. I sat back up and looked down at her, starting to wonder if what I had said was a mistake, unable to read the expression in her eyes.

“I uh-I…” I rubbed the back of my neck with my hand, looking away from her and down at the speckled hospital tile.

“I love you too.”

[ecotone99]

[HM] A Girl Named Lucy

Everybody’s had a bad date. But my date with Lucy was definitely the worst date of my entire life. We met online, of course. I don’t think people meet any other way anymore. We really hit it off, she laughed at my dumb jokes and honestly, that’s pretty much all it takes for me to fall in love.

We decided to meet up for drinks and appetizers at Applebees. I was nervous, so I showed up early, had a drink at the bar and waited for her to arrive.

Meeting someone from the internet and finding out they’re significantly less attractive in person brings a uniquely guilty depression. It’s not that the person is necessarily unattractive, but in your mind, you’ve built up the anticipation for how you think the person will look. Expectation ruins reality. Usually this is just a result of normal people trying to look impressive. Which is understandable in the dating world.

But that’s the thing, when I saw her walk through the door, Lucy did not look normal. She looked very far from normal. Her face was too thin and her nose was entirely too big. Freakishly such. She probably knew this because the she covered it up with three or five or nine inches of chunky, pasty white makeup. It could have been Plaster of Paris, who’s to say? That shit was out of control.

She wore a giant green sweater, which in and of itself is not necessarily a bad thing, but it was almost eighty degrees outside, even after the sun went down. At first, I thought this was to compensate for being overweight, but she didn’t seem overweight. She seemed deformed. Like two or three different skinny people squeezing themselves into the same sweater.

She had shredded blonde hair and walked with a wobbly limp, like an ether-sniffing marionette doll at a sobriety checkpoint. Her feet were disproportionally big, as if her shoes were hiding something nasty.

Oh, God. I can’t do this, I thought. This is just too much. But I feel bad, because the expectations were built up in MY head, right? I’ll just turn and sneak out the back, text her saying I had car trouble or something.

“Seth!?” She squawked. Or barked. It was a bark-squawk that was entirely too loud for the public, very unfortunately public situation at hand. Heads turned.

Ah, shit. She saw me. Of course she saw me. I’ve been staring her down slack-jawed and silly. But really, can you blame me? This poor woman looked like a rubber horse mask wearing another rubber mask of Gary Busey’s face.

“Seth! It is me. I am Lucy! The woman you speak to.” There’s no way she’s been using this voice her whole life.

My voice was too dry so I just nodded. We’re already here, might as well have a few drinks and enjoy the food. How bad could it be?

When my mouth finally began producing enough saliva necessary for conversation, we engaged in small-talk. I intentionally kept it awkward and as far from lively as possible. Maybe she’d catch the hint and we could just chalk it up to a lack of chemistry. I started dumping whiskey down my throat like my soul and sanity depended on it. Which, at this point, I was convinced it did.

“So, where are you from?” I asked, hoping another unknown cultural origin could explain this catastrophic misstep in acceptable courtship.

“Lucy is from Wisconsin. That’s normal, right?”

Jesus Christ, whatever they put in that cheese really did a number on this one. Remind me to never drink Budweiser again, either.

“I don-uh, I mean, yes, yes that is normal. Right. Have you ever been in like, a car accident or something?”

She stared at me with big sickly brown eyes. Eyes that were almost yellow. Maybe she has cancer or something? I’m starting to feel bad for her now. Maybe the whiskey is melting the shock and warming my mind to a temperate state of empathy. She’s alone. She doesn’t get out much. Kinda like me, actually. Don’t be a dick, dude. Get it together.

Then she laughs, it’s a coughy sort of laugh. It resonates from a deeper part of the diaphragm and I’m reminded of an alligator. Bet she used to smoke a lot.

“You make joke! You funny man!” She swipes her hand across my forearm the way women do when they’re being particularly obvious about their intentions. Her fingernails are long. Monstrously so, and badly painted in flecks of a dark red. Her skin is entirely too rough for a woman. Maybe she works with her hands a lot?

Oh. Oh, no.

I check the neck. I don’t actually see an Adam’s Apple, but the skin does protrude in a hangy sort of turkey-neck way. I begin to sweat uncontrollably.

Look, I don’t hate anyone. I believe everyone should live their lives and be happy. But I’m just not ready for this. I’m afraid. I feel like I’m waiting for the cashier in a gas station and a cop gets behind me in line. I compensate with more whiskey. That’ll help.

I have to ask. I can’t just not know.

“Look, Lucy. I’m sorry. But are you, like, are you a girl?”

There’s that laugh again.

“Yes! Lucy is girl. Real girl. Clever girl.”

Of course she is. Trans girls are girls, too. It’s just… I’ve already paid for the drinks, she seems very interested in me, persistent even. I just don’t know if I can do this.

Maybe just a blowjob? That’s not gay, right?

I’m gonna need some cocaine for this.

That’s it! Cocaine! I’ll see if she’s down to score some blow, then we’ll just see how it goes. Worst case scenario I get all coked up and can’t get a boner anyhow, sorta solves the whole situation. I can blame the coke, she doesn’t get her feelings hurt. Win-win.

“Hey Lucy….”

“Hey Seth.”

She does the cough/laugh. Maybe the hormones haven’t been balanced yet?

“You uh, you wanna score some coke?”

“What is ‘score coke’?”

“You know, like cocaine?”

“Cocaine? If we score cocaine, can I get your meat?”

Oh fuck. This is happening.

“My…my meat?”

“Yes. I want your meat inside me.”

Not gonna lie, my dick did a little twitch right then. Jesus. Well, I guess you learn something new every day, don’t ya?

“Okay! Um, I’m gonna pay the, uh, pay the tab. Why don’t you? Like, and I’ll then go to the car. Ya know, then we can like, you know. Wanna follow me while-“

“We ‘score coke’ like cocaine!”

“Yes.” I said. Fuck, I kinda like her now. I can get past the face. And the limpy, wabble-walk. And the…uh. Whatever else I find.

After I pay the bartender, we both walk back to my truck. I guess she took the bus or something because she never mentions a car of her own. I call up my buddy Allen, he usually has decent coke.

Allen says to come on over, I open the door for her, she does that little laugh again. It’s kinda growing on me, actually. I can’t believe this is happening.

As I’m driving, she starts purring and licking my ear. And I’m actually into it. Like, really into it. Once again, I can’t believe this is happening.

We pull up to Allen’s place, he sends me a text saying to come on up.

Allen opens the door and jumps back.

“Holy fuckin’ shit, Seth. Who the fuck is this? You told me it was just you, bro?”

“No I didn’t,” I said, “I told you a had a girl with me, Lucy this is Allen. Allen this is Lucy.”

“Hello, Allen.” Said Lucy, “Can I also have your meat inside me?”

“What the fuck?” Said Allen. Then he laughed, and I laughed, and Lucy laughed, we all laughed.

“You didn’t tell me it was like that. Why don’t you both just come on in?”

We all stepped inside and Allen clicked on the light. As he did, Lucy tripped over the doorframe. She didn’t fall all the way to the ground, but she fell just enough to cause her hair to tilt. Like, all of it just shifted to the side.

This caught Allen’s attention.

“Yo, that’s a fuckin’ wig, bro! The fuck is going on here?”

“Allen.” I said sternly, leaning in close to him. “Don’t fuck this up for me, man. I need this.”

But Allen wasn’t listening. Allen was recoiling in horror because he saw what I had been too drunk and horny to see all along.

While Lucy was fumbling with her wig and sliding around the foyer, her tail had slid out of her floppy green sweater. A tail that was long and scaly. Just as scaly as her scalp beneath the wig.

It was now painfully obvious. This was not a foreign woman. This was not a transsexual. This was a sixty-six million year old chicken-lizard stalking it’s prey from beyond the confines of the traditional understanding of time itself. And I, Seth Fox, horny drunkard and idiot extraordinaire, had fallen for it’s schemes.

Clever girl.

Allen screamed the only sensible thing to be said, “VELOCIRAPTOR!!!”

And we both dove behind the sofa for cover.

The Velociraptor Formally Known as Lucy shrieked, “MEEEAAAAAT!!!”

Why? Why me? Why couldn’t she have just had a penis!?

The Lucy-Raptor soars over the sofa with a dancer’s ease because she’s a theropod. An apex predator from the Cretaceous Period and I notice what made her gait so ungainly. Her shoes had been hiding a giant sickle-shaped talon on each foot with which her kinship would disembowel their prey. Unfortunately for Allen, he was this prey.

The Lucy-Raptor was on him instantly, she sliced open his belly with her toe-claws and his intestines flopped out like folded ravioli.

“Nnnnaaaauuuuuggggghhhh!!!!!” Said Allen as the Lucy Raptor chewed on his neck.

I had no patience for this nonsense, so I fled the scene hoping, praying, pleading with any deity merciful enough to hear my cries. I did not want to be eaten by a velociraptor tonight. I just wanted a blowjob. Is that really too much to ask from the universe? One measly fucking blowjob?

But the Lucy-Raptor wanted to feast on the flesh of living prey, and I was still fumbling with my keys when Allen had breathed his last. She came bouncing into the parking lot.

“CAAAUUUOOGGGHHH, CAAAUUUOOGGGHHH!!” Said Lucy.

The truck door clicked open.

Lucy reared back on her hind legs ready to pounce.

I yanked open the door and hurled myself into the driver’s seat, turned the key and started the engine as Lucy sailed through the air like a shark through calm seas.

Her claws barely missed my fender as I sped from my dead drug dealer’s parking lot.

I stomped the gas.

At 20 mph, there she was, nipping at my window.

I turned onto the street.

There she was.

30 mph. 35, 40 mph.

When I hit 55 mph she slowed down and wailed a roar of defeat. I had bested the Lucy-Raptor. Turns out velociraptors can run at speeds of up to 40 miles an hour. But a ’97 Dodge Ram can go up to like, 120 miles an hour, so FUCK YOU, VELOCIRAPTORS!!

Dating is hard, folks. But remember,

“Life finds a way.”

-Ian Malcolm

submitted by /u/sethfoxcomedy [link] [comments] via Blogger https://ift.tt/2t1qtp3

[leon-laurencamel-blog]

September 28.2017

DONT READ IF YOURE NOT WILLING TO UNDERSTAND ME, BE MATURE AND TRY TO FINALLY MAKE IT CLICK. Put my feelings first when you read this. I’m give you what you want. I’m being real, being honest. Saying what I’ve been holding back. Can we do it on our own? It’s never makes me happy to see you as hurt as you were this morning, hearing you cry. Feeling the pain in my heart because as much as you might disagree. When you hurt I hurt. Baby I’m a princess, you don’t treat me like one. You break me down. You beat me up with your words. I’m just not as strong as you think I am and you use it against me. Every chance you get. Why? Why do you hurt so much? 😔 Why do you take it out on me? When we first met, by you specifically I felt wanted, I felt beautiful, I felt like you were constantly protecting me. I thought your attitude was sexy until I realized it was anger. I thought the protection was because you cared, but it was “insecurity” (please don’t take that the wrong way) and you trying to keep me on the low so you can still fuck with other people on the side. I felt hidden, I felt like a secret having to drive around to the front not being able to walk through the same door. We grown. That’s high school shit. Who cares that evi or Catylin or whoever else saw us. Like damn, I didn’t care I just wanted you. It’s 7 months later and you still called me to see if I was involved in Applebees drama seeing if I called to see if you were there. The drama and high school stuff is what I’m tired of. You have a problem with nene and juleon being in the parking lot because it would be a problem, I would already have to be upstairs for things to be straight. Do you not hear how stupid and childish that sounds. Who careees? Things like this is what got me. It’s what made me lose interest. What sucked the fun out. What just became annoying. Now I feel like you’re keeping me just to hold on to me. There’s so much love between us. But we lost us. We lost the fun. The laughs. The passion. The sex. The time. The showers together, I miss them so much. Just sitting in the bathroom listening to your thoughts out loud. The walks around the complex, the cooking for you. The freedom. At the end of every night even when I’m PISSED at you I still just want you. I’m mad at you. I’ve been mad at you for a very very long time. I’ve been angry with you since you didnt come back after I tried to come get you the day. I blame you for ruining the time we got to spend with each other. I blame you for changing the way we operated. I blame you for you not controlling yourself and becoming unhappy when you first stopped working. That’s when things changed. But I tried to be supportive, i thought I was being a good girlfriend by letting you sit there day in and day out knowing you weren’t okay. I thought you were just resting. You said your hands hurt, your back. I should’ve made you get up. I shouldn’t have let you sit there for months. You were not the same, you didn’t laugh as much. Didn’t smile. You weren’t excited. I’m mad because I’ve never been treated like this. I forgave you for hitting me. I never got over you ruining us. Then to find out that you’re not who I thought you were. You’re so mean Leon. You’re just so mean to me. You get annoyed by my words, my feelings mean nothing to you anymore. You abuse and make it excuses for it. When I found out that you hit females before me it broke my heart. There was no hope because that’s just what you do. You cared so much about what others thought at Applebees and it ruined us. You called it trying to protect me, but nothing was bothering me. It’s like when we started talking and those girls didn’t like it, you could’ve just laughed and ignored them. But it was so much drama. I didn’t understand it. I never forgave you for leaving after you hit me. That hurt the most. Honestly. I’m such a beautiful girl. I don’t cheat. I just try to help. But I always lose. I feel like I missing out honestly and i don’t blame you but I feel like I’m missing something. I don’t get the fun relationship things. Even when we were good I had to beg you to go out to a restaurant. You never wanted to go on dates. I’m only 21 you had your fun. I didn’t. I don’t get the simplest things from you. A birthday dinner, or gift, no Victoria secret. No surprises, no meeting families, no puppy, no amusement parks, no fun. No something different. Everything is the same day in and day out. Wake up watch tv, eat, sleep... over and over again. I’m 20. It’s boring. You got to live and now you facing life with a kid and depression. It wares off on me because I hate that you feel that way. We don’t have nothing to talk about because we don’t have any experiences, no excitement, we just lay in the bed. Depressed. We can’t say remember this and that cause we have nothing. All our memories are about drama. What do we have in common? I’m boring to you because we not growing together. We sitting here stuck. Our sex drive not like it use to be because we we got complacent in things just being whatever, argue then sex, argue then sex some times just sex, got you asking me if I’m even attracted to you anymore. That hurt me cause I am but it’s obviously not displayed by the sex if you have to ask me. We don’t make love, the last time that happened was the last night in the boulevard, listening to SZA. We talked and had sex talked more, felt each other. Needed each other. Wanted to be so close, we were like one. When the last time you felt like that. No all I hear is “imma just not say nothing, imma just deal with it, it’s cool, it’s whatever” I feel no love! I only feel it through pain. It’s not fair. Yes I understand that you’re down right now but what 21 year old wants to go without for someone else mistakes. What did I do to you to not deserve all the special fun and cute experiences. Like everything in this relationship hurts. It’s so depressing. It’s not fair to me. I don’t deserve it. I don’t want to regret you for taking away my experience of young love like you had. We never even been to the movies. What girl can’t legally be around her boyfriend? I hate this. Maybe I’m too young. You don’t like hearing about my day, you find it disrespectful when I say I’m in class, you just can’t for me. Even when you were working at Olive Garden you put no thought into doing something special for me cause everything was about you saving for a bond. Everything is surrounded by negativity. I feel like I’m losing out on life, something you got to experience. We’ll never do like double dates because you hate everyone! It’s not fair that I get none of the experiences that I dreamed of s a young girl in love. You don’t even care to try for me. We grown, you telling me I can’t take a trip to Miami where we both from, rent jet skis and have fun? It’s not about money I swear it’s about experiences. That I don’t get and that you don’t care to give me. I just want more. We can’t even be chessy and get matching shoes when new ones come out. No customize shirts. No 6 flAgs or u fair. Just the bed. I don’t want to live in the bed, no experiences. I feel bad that I don’t feel sorry for you anymore. I mean it bothers me that you don’t eat, don’t sleep, clean clothes but because of your mistakes I lose out too. And who’s thinking about me? Who’s making sure I’m okay. Man you don’t even want to talk to me and genuinely care about my day because you have so much to focus on. You have no space for me or time because you’re to busy. I’m not leaving you in hard times. I’m still here but we can’t be together because we love each other but you’re not happy and neither am I. We can support each other but we killing each other trying to make this hard. We can’t be together right now. You still threaten me and call me names. Just be my friend. I don’t want to lose you but I don’t deserve to be unhappy. I love you. Pray that we can be friends.

[kbvstheworld]

Date with A

I am going to post some of my stories of dating in today’s world. I am not going to use names, just first initials.

I am on this app called Whisper, you can post anything amorously. You can look at post’s nearby, you can have private conversations and reply to posts publically.  One day I started talking to a man that was in the same city as myself. Firefighter, similar in age, seemed to keep the conversation going very well.  He sent me a photo at one point, instantly I was like “damn, he is hot! could this be true!?”, After talking for a few hours, he asked about grabbing a drink later that same night at Applebees. I said sure! Through the rest of the day, he kept asking kind of odd sexual type questions. Sadly I am used to that in today’s world, so I brushed it off.

I got to Applebee’s around 7:30, I was 15 minutes early. Five minutes before he was supposed to be there I get a text message of a picture of a very different and older looking man with the caption “do you still want to meet up”, I was pretty upset, obviously. At that point I was already dolled up, sitting there, waiting, this guy can at least buy me a drink or two! I wanted to hear in person, why. Why would someone do this to another person?  He claimed the earlier pictures were really old and he changed a lot. I wasn’t buying it

I was definitely not as attracted to him in person, even the picture he did send me was outdated. It was an okay conversation I guess, not much eye contact, a bit awkward at times. We kissed/made out a bit by our cars in the parking lot. He was wearing a sleeveless shirt, he had a tattoo on his right arm. In the picture sent earlier, there was a cross tattoo on the left arm. I mentioned this outside, and he tried to say no no no there was no tattoo. I have had a few drinks, it was late, I didn’t want to deal with this person I now knew nothing about in person.

The next morning I looked back at my messages, took a screenshot of the picture with the cross tattoo, with a message “Next time you plan on lying to someone after they give you multiple chances, to tell the truth, don’t use a picture with a tattoo that you don’t have” I got the “I’m sorry I guess you're, done with me” I said bye then later I get a text “And so you know my dick still gets hard thinking about you”  WHAT!?!? I simply said “I do not need to know that” then I got called a witch, inconsiderate bitch, a lonely loser, and a cunt.  Yet he was the one who lied!!! I told him he was fucked up and to lose my number, then it was done.

His number was on do not disturb, but he still texted me two days later when I thought it was done. Then I got a new friend request on snapchat, it was A... Begging me for his forgiveness, over and over again, not understanding the word no. It ended with me telling him I just hope he learned and doesn’t put another woman.

[outfromunderthegaslight]

What Happened Here

I have tried to mentally and physically draft this experience hundreds of thousands of times in what feels like millions of ways from all different angles. I have played around with and said and written hundreds of different responses to try to give people, and sometimes even myself an answer. 

I want to begin by saying that this is not to appease you, whoever you are reading this. This is not because anyone deserves an explanation. It is because today, my divorce is finalized and I am overwhelmed with emotion and want to have final closure on this chapter in my life. I’ve been bringing back Bracy for a long time now. And it was damn hard. And I could not be more proud of myself. So if you read this, and don’t like what I have to say, feel free to delete me.

For those of you have known me for a long time, who have watched me develop and grow up, know that I’m not the same 13-year-old I was over a decade ago. I was blissfully ignorant back then and I have grown up and experienced some of the best and worst moments of my life in the recent past. As a perfectionist, that is not an easy thing to admit. Do you remember the first time you experienced overwhelming failure? I do.

I vividly remember being maybe 13 and having my very first portable CD player stolen at City Park. Now, let me begin by saying that it was my fault. I left the pearly slim blue player under a park bench while I went to play.  Realizing what I had done when it was gone was defeating. I didn’t go back to that park for a season because I felt so stupid to have lost what I had just invested my very own $60.00 in. Plus, a $15.00 Kelly Clarkson CD. I didn’t even tell anyone how crushed I was out of the sheer embarrassment of failing, at what people would say. I tried. It wasn’t enough. I wasn’t enough.

At 18 I got my first B+ in college. I wept. I had gone to the math lab, I went to every class, I did all of my homework. And I was not enough. My hard work was not enough to guarantee success. I spoke with the professor, with the dean, to see if there was ANYTHING I could do. It was 0.3 of a point from being an A. I tried. It wasn’t enough. I wasn’t enough.

My marriage was the same way. It was the first great failure of my adult life. I tried. It wasn’t enough. I wasn’t enough.

Winter came. My depression deepened. I felt so crazy. I isolated myself, I drank a lot of tequila, I showered infrequently, I did not find joy in a lot of the things I used to love. My apartment was a mess. My job was a mess. My life was a mess. And all of those things were my fault. I just grieved. I grieved hard and I did not grieve in a way that was pretty. I frequently burst out in tears. I deleted all of my plans for the future. I stayed in bed. I didn’t sleep. I didn’t eat. For days at a time. I couldn’t. God, I wanted to be okay. I went through extensive therapy every week where they told me that I would be okay. Eventually. I used to tell them I was giving up four fancy cups of coffee a week to invest in my mental well-being so this session better be good. My therapist used to always laugh and dive-in before I lost my nerve.

For my friends and family who stood by my side during this awful season, I will never be able to thank you enough. Thanks for taking me to buy groceries or ordering me endless food when I just couldn’t handle normal life. Thanks for letting me wear sweatpants all the time and saying nothing except nice things. And thanks for being real when I needed it most. Thanks for weeping with me in my sadness when I told you there was a huge, gaping, hole in my heart and that I loved Josh so much and wanted to remain married so bad that I couldn’t go on. Thanks for dancing with me in my fear to the Taylor Swift discographies and all the other songs I would blast out of a stereo on repeat. Seriously. You probably can’t listen to “We Are Never Getting Back Together,” without seeing me gyrating and singing/screaming this anthem. Thanks for breaking dishes in the alley next to my apartment when I was so angry as we proclaimed truth over my life and denounced the lies.

Thanks for telling me I didn’t deserve this. That you knew how hard I tried. That it was enough. That I was enough.

That I wasn’t crazy. That I had had enough. When Josh asked me for a divorce on Valentine’s day for what felt like the hundredth gut-wrenching conversation, I agreed. I didn’t give up on my marriage. I chose life. I chose happiness. I chose wholeness. I chose healthiness. Unfortunately, I could not have those things with Josh. For better and for worse, I did not make this decision lightly.

Summer came. Like a timid animal returning from a winter hibernation, I fell in love with myself again. I rediscovered things that brought me immense joy and satisfaction in life. I challenged myself: in every aspect, you can imagine. I fell in love with my body. I treated myself better. I built routines and kept them. I loved that Ed Sheeran released a summer single that included the line “And, baby, my heart could still fall as hard at twenty-three.” I was twenty-three and falling in love all over again. For those of you who didn’t know what was going on and said I was “fake happy” fuck you. You can take that kind of negativity and bury it. Of course, life isn’t always sunshine and butterflies. After the season I had, I was definitely an advocate of that. Summer wasn’t all sunshine for me. It was still HARD. I was consciously undoing years of destruction. But I was working to not be bitter and to be much better. And those days, for as hard as they were, the dark and the light ones, were thousands of times easier than the kind of torture I experienced every day being married to Josh.

For those of you who haven’t lived it, let’s recap the past 5 years or so in the life of Abby Bracy/Abigail Bracy Witten/Abigail Bracy. Between name changes, address changes and overall life changes, the DMV hates me.

In Spring, 2010 I graduated from High School the same weekend my High School Prom took place. I wore a purple cap and gown because it was (and still is!) my favorite color. Some things never change. Because Ellie, Faith and I constructed our own ceremony, we danced down the isle to “Bohemian Rhapsody” (just the guitar solo breakdown) by Queen.

In Summer, 2010 I lived on the family farm helping take care of my ailing grandfather. This was an insane summer for my entire family.

In Fall, 2010 I began going to college at Clemson University and Southern Wesleyan University, 469 miles from my childhood home of Portsmouth, VA. I planned to and did graduate in exactly 5 semesters. I had short hair, a face full of piercings and the world was my oyster.

In Fall, 2010 (speaking of oysters) 18 and still a baby, I was engaged to be married in Summer, 2011 with the most wonderful antique pearl ring. I saw what my life would look like for the next 80 years. I dreamed big. I made plans. I checked boxes off.

In Winter/Spring, 2011 I lived on campus and experienced my last season of being an ignorant and blissful child. I was louder and larger than life itself and could not be stopped.

In Summer, 2011 I worked 3 jobs, pulled “triples” (aka, going from lifeguarding at 5AM, to waiting tables at Red Robin for lunch and closing out Applebee’s dinner shift in the evening) and barely remember anything that happened. Except for…

In Summer, 2011 I was married to my teenage dream, my high school sweetheart. The night before my wedding, I went on the most insane adventure trying to find false eyelashes because the ones I had picked out were gone. My friends laughed with me so hard that we cried. Everyone brought me coffee the day of my wedding. Even though I was married shortly after 10AM, I had consumed four, 24 ounce lattes/coffees. I wept with joy when my father walked me down the aisle. I felt the most loved and beautiful I had ever felt up to that point in my life. I still love my wedding dress and love my wedding and wouldn’t even change my bridesmaids super short red dresses for the world.

In Fall, 2011 Josh and I moved our entire lives to SC (two weeks after the wedding and straight off the honeymoon) where we started a new chapter together while attending school. I will never forget carrying our first sofa that we bought off of Main Street to our first home on Evatt Drive. Josh built the “Morch” (man-porch) and I learned how to cohabitate and compromise.

In Fall, 2011/Winter, 2012 I was working full-time and attending school full-time.

In Winter, 2012 I graduated from college Summa Cum Laude. My family was so proud. Except for Andy. Andy said I would never get a job with my joke of a communication major. Andy also graduated a semester after me. As a great baby sister, I definitely did not forget to remind him of this.

In Spring, 2012 I bought my first home.

In Summer, 2012 I performed extensive renovations while working full-time.

In Fall, 2013 I began my first career based job at a non-profit.

In Winter/Spring 2014 I moved back to Virginia to work for a small business near my hometown. I learned more at that job than I had ever anticipated and loved it.

In Summer, 2014 I had the best summer I had had in years living right off the beach and rooming with Christine.

In Fall, 2014 I moved to outside of DC to work at an advertising agency

In Winter, 2015 Josh asked me for a divorce

In Spring/Summer 2015 I healed from a lot of brokenness and sold the house.

In Spring/Summer 2015 I learned what it was like to be loved and respected by a man who waited a long time for me while I had the time of my life dating and eventually falling in love.

In Summer, 2015 I told Jason that I loved him. On a rooftop, overlooking the city.

In Winter, 2016 I started a new job at CHIEF. And the rest is history.

In Spring, 2016 Jason and I celebrated one-year since our very first date.

In Summer, 2016 who knows what the future holds.