#writing in solitude

[esuemmanuel]

You are the most beautiful puzzle; a labyrinth of nobility, tenderness and emotion that I don't want to get out of. And to think that I reached the center of your heart with just a smile.

Eres el acertijo más bello; un laberinto de nobleza, ternura y emoción del que no quiero salir. Y pensar que llegué al centro de tu corazón con sólo una sonrisa.

[remembertheplunge]

Journaling Journey evolves.

My journal entry August 16, 1991

I suppose that my journals represent my ongoing philosophy, and they remain quiet and safe, rarely shared. I pour liquid thought onto the day's rough and tumble blizzard, but the essence left behind on her benevolent white pages are spared our deep scrutiny.

End of entry

Notes 10/19/2024 Saturday: On February 5, 2023, I began my blog in which I post entries from journals I have kept since 1977. What gestated in solitude in 1991 was ready to speak to the world by 2023.

[esuemmanuel]

Here we come to love in freedom. Unfortunately, there will always be minds full of prejudices that harm love, because those who are unable to see beauty in the beautiful by nature have lost the most valuable thing: the soul.

Aquí se viene a amar en libertad. Por desgracia, siempre habrá mentes llenas de prejuicios que dañen al amor, porque quienes no son capaces de ver belleza en lo bello por naturaleza han perdido lo más valioso: el alma.

[esuemmanuel]

May life kiss you, while I dream of doing it, my soul.

Que te bese la vida, mientras yo sueño con hacerlo, alma mía.

[esuemmanuel]

Tengo demasiada noche... demasiado silencio... demasiada nada... aun así, soñaré... y te llevaré conmigo, aunque no quieras ir.

I have too much night... too much silence... too much nothingness... still, I will dream... and I will take you with me, even if you don't want to go.

[esuemmanuel]

La desilusión mata más que la realidad. La realidad se tolera. La desilusión se sufre.

Disillusionment kills more than reality. Reality is tolerated. Disillusionment is suffered.

[esuemmanuel]

Ojalá pudiéramos recuperar el tiempo perdido, siendo honestos con nuestros sentimientos y con esas ganas inmensas de dejarnos llevar por lo bello que es soñar.

If only we could make up for lost time, being honest with our feelings and with that immense desire to let ourselves be carried away by the beauty of dreaming.

[esuemmanuel]

El corazón abierto y el alma desnuda, esa bendita mancuerna que posee el que no teme lanzarse al mar de lo inconcebible.

The open heart and the naked soul, that blessed combination that possesses the one who is not afraid to throw himself into the sea of the inconceivable.

[esuemmanuel]

Quedarse no siempre es amor e irse no siempre es no amar. Todo depende del cristal con el que se sepa mirar.

Staying is not always love and leaving is not always not loving. It all depends on how you look at it.

[esuemmanuel]

You don't lose what you don't have.

No se pierde lo que no se tiene.

[esuemmanuel]

A lifetime of loving you… it wouldn't hurt.

Una vida amándote… no me dolería.

[esuemmanuel]

Come, hide in my arms, don't leave me out of your pain. My heart is ready to accompany you, please listen to it.

Ven, escóndete en mis brazos, no me dejes fuera de tu dolor. Mi corazón está presto a acompañarte, escúchalo, por favor.

Pinterest Image

[esuemmanuel]

Write anything, but write honestly, from your heart, mind and soul. If there is pain, write about it. But don't forget that pain causes more pain and you will create an abyss if you lose yourself in it.

Escribe lo que sea, pero escribe con honestidad, desde el corazón, la mente y el alma. Si hay dolor, escribe sobre él. Pero no olvides que el dolor provoca más dolor y crearás un abismo si te pierdes en él.

[esuemmanuel]

Me cansé... de verdad, me cansé. Me guardaré el corazón en el pecho, lo cerraré con llave y lanzaré ésta al mar de lo que no volveré a buscar, porque, en definitiva, no lo vale. ¿Qué caso tiene sentir tanto cuando el único que muere soy yo? Me deshago por sentir... me quemo... me ahogo... me duelo... me amo y me odio en un ciclo constante y sin fin, ¿y para qué? Para terminar ahogado de sal en una esquina de mi habitación, vestido de hojas blancas, tatuado de palabras que se me clavan en las putas falanges, porque no tienen otro lugar en donde vivir. Me cansé... ¡Sí, me cansé! De volar cielos que no son míos, de mirar ojos que no reflejan ni una pizca de lo que llevo en el corazón, de tocar cuerpos vacíos que fingen tener alma, de tener la maldita esperanza de que sientan lo que yo cuando, en realidad, no sienten nada, porque van muertos, porque no tienen ni la mínima intención de querer vivir. ¡Qué sensibilidad tan cruda! ¡Qué realidad tan hiriente! Mejor es esconderse tras las cuatro paredes de la inmanencia y ahí, sumergido en ella, encontrar la paz en la propia flaqueza.

I got tired… really, I got tired. I will keep my heart in my chest, I will close it and throw it into the sea of what I will never look for again, because in the end it is not worth it. What's the point of feeling so much when the only one dying is me? I get rid of myself to feel… I burn… I drown… I mourn… I love and hate myself in a constant and endless cycle, and for what? To end up drowning in salt in a corner of my room, dressed in white sheets, tattooed with words that get stuck in my fucking phalanges because they have no other place to live. I got tired… Yes, I got tired! Of flying through skies that are not my own, of looking into eyes that do not reflect even a hint of what I carry in my heart, of touching empty bodies that pretend to have a soul, of having the fucking hope that they feel what I feel, when in fact they feel nothing, because they are dead, because they have not even the slightest intention of wanting to live. What a crude sensibility! What a painful reality! It is better to hide behind the four walls of immanence and there, immersed in it, find peace in one's own weakness.

[esuemmanuel]

I write to you, to you and to you, because it is you that I feel.

Yo te escribo a ti, a ti y a ti, porque es a ti a quien siento.

[esuemmanuel]

If I kiss you, it is not to stop drinking the longing that dwells in your soul, because love pours out, succumbing in your pupils, and manifests itself like a river in your pale cheeks.

Si te beso es para no dejar de beberme las ansias que habitan en tu alma, porque el amor se derrama, sucumbiendo en tus pupilas, y se manifiesta como un río en tus pálidas mejillas.