#writtenwhileedging

[sarah-denial-cq]

Just spit in her food.

Don't make it a big deal. You don't have to make it into a five minute dialog. You don't even have to look away from the TV or interrupt her talking.

It's sweet. You kiss her, right? You like being intimate. So just take her drink, spit in it, and hand it back. She wants it so bad. She loves you. She's *obsessed* with you.

Don't over think it. Just walk up to her desk, turn her chin towards you, and spit on her face. Then just walk away and go back to whatever you were doing. It's easy. It's just like kissing her really. It's sweet. It's what she needs.

How could it be degrading if she loves you? She loves you. She worships the ground you walk on and the way you laugh. She's thirsty. Grab her cheeks and spit in her mouth.

Just do it.

[sarah-denial-cq]

I'm on my knees, looking at another girl who's on *her* knees, looking at me. Someone is standing behind me, my long braid wrapped up in their hand. The other girl looks scared.

"strip.". We're both wearing identical matching bra and panties. We both look away from each other as we take them off, too nervous to look- until I feel a yank, hard, on my hair. "No, look right in each other's eyes. Look at her tits. You're both fucking porn, act like it. "

I feel the hand slap my ass. The other girl winces, seeing the pain on my face. "Tell her she's just porn, just like you. She's nothing."

I look at her carefully. Her makeup is running from crying. She's already been beat quite a bit. "You're just porn. You're nothing." She just looks at me silently. "Keep going".

I look right at her. I try to summon up my contempt for her. She could have been so much. Now she's here on her knees in front of me stripped and crying. So vulnerable. "You're a stupid, stupid bitch" I start laying into her. "You're pathetic. No self respecting woman would let this happen to her.". The girl starts sobbing. I feel the approval from behind me and I can't help but start insulting her and betraying her for the approval of the force of that hand in my braid and the validation I know I'll find there if I just do a good enough job tearing down this victim.

I'm going to make her a victim.

"you're shit. You're barely a person, you just sit there and strip and cry.". I start getting into it. I'm masturbating on my knees staring at this helpless naked loser crying. "Go on, cunt, touch yourself while I insult you.". She's touching herself, one hand between her legs and one on her nipple. I can't tell if she's doing it to impress the one behind me or just to self soothe or because- "fuck, you actually like this? You sick puppy. You're not even rape bait, because I don't think you're even capable of having an opinion on who gets to use you. Nobody thinks of you as anything other than a slutty, easy, fuckdoll. You're going to remember this moment for the rest of your life. I hate you. I hope you get drugged and passed around a party. You deserve to be pinned down by somebody and fucked dry. You, oh my god," the hand is twisting in my hair and this poor girl is absolutely sobbing at all the abuse and I'm filled with traitorous contempt as I realize her flush is half crying and half arousal and I see- "you whore. Don't you dare cum. You sick fuck, you rug munching cock sucking ass eating porn making easy access " I think the bitch is actually going to cum, I feel all the approval in the world from behind me as I realize this is what they want, they want to see if I can truly betray this victim they brought for me to abuse to get them off, this is my value to them, to hurt this girl, I go harder, I feel a hand on the back of my neck, "failure, nobody takes you seriously, everybody just imagines putting you on your knees any time you open your stupid mouth, people on the street look at you and imagine raping you, your colleagues call you names behind your back, you're going to be like this forever, you stupid, stupid, stupid-"

I feel, somehow, the pull on my braid that tells me to shut up. I look at the girl I've been tearing down to earn approval. She's quietly crying. Both her hands have come up to her tits. I hear the voice behind me. "Spit on her."

I... hesitate. Do I really hate this poor girl enough to do that, is she, okay with that? Do I care about that more than I care about doing what I'm told? She looks so afraid. She looks so... you know what? She looks like she deserves it. She deserves it.

I spit on the mirror.

"good girl", I hear.

[sarah-denial-cq]

Cute Date Idea

Hide my antidepressants and antianxiety meds. Ration them out to me when I'm a good sex toy. Condition me to associate happiness and calmness with sex-on-your-terms.

[sarah-denial-cq]

What makes you enjoy slave Leia so much? Merely a strong woman in a humiliating, revealing costume, or is there anything more to it?

Slave Leia fixed me.

I don't think I have a lot to say about it that isn't obvious, since I'm kinda stupid. But it's more than just a strong woman being put in a humiliating revealing costume.

First is the in universe concept (uh, I guess, spoilers for like a forty year old movie). It's not just that Leia is captured and put in the bikini. She's captured while in the process of thinking she can be strong and capable, that she can save someone. The outfit and voice changer she used while trying to rescue Han covered up her sex and her weakness. The contrast with that is immense. And when she's caught, people *laugh*. It's a big *joke*. It's not a serious she did a good try but jabba's crack team of security were better. It's like a surprise prank that they all pulled on her. Compare the defiance from when Vader first captures her on the blockade runner in EP IV, when she is strong in the face of capture after a battle well fought, to the face she makes when jabba catches her. No defiance. Just embarrassment, disgrace, weakness, confusion, stupid girl. Sorry I'm kinda masturbating while writing this.

And then she is stripped and put in a tacky bikini with arm bands and hair bands and a collar and leash. Fine. But she is exposed in front of Luke. The one who she was trying to be all tough girl equal around in EP IV and v. He is calm, composed, powerful, which just makes her weakness and stupidity more evident. Of course she couldn't save a man. But one could save her, at the price of seeing her stripped down to a waist and pair of tits.

And that's edge edge that's what brings this into the real world. It completely destroys Leia's character for the entire series. Ask any man who's watched star wars to describe the most iconic scene for Luke and it's idk his training with Yoda or his blowing up the death star or whatever. None of them will say him shirtless and weak and vulnerable in the bacta tank. But ask the same question about Leia and you will get one answer. If it had been her character from the start it wouldn't wreck me quite so much. But it isn't, it's two movies of.building her up as a badass strong independent woman and then haha no you stupid girls who thought this universe took you seriously this is how everyone sees you. The fact that it took away and overwrote and deleted and replaced oh god everything that she did in the eyes of the male audience the film was marketed.to edge is she's literally on a chain looking up at the guy she was pretending to be an equal to just like how I have to be lower and beneath and

And on top of all of that was Carrie's discomfort real world with how revealing the costume was to her professional colleagues it's literally wear this bra and skirt with no panties in front of people you pretend edge are workplace equals wet and pose while kneeling in it for the official promotion materials bark and inspire generations of girls to think that when they attend conventions about their hobbies they should dress up like subservient edge sluts and pose in huge undifferentiated groups for photos and anyways that's part of why I like slave Leia so much thanks for the ask.

[sarah-denial-cq]

Happy International Women's Day to all the women with better boobs than mine and who know how to push around a doormat girl like me 🥰

And especially to all the trans femmes, double happy IWD to you too. 💙🩷🤍

[sarah-denial-cq]

The kinds of feelings I am having in public about a scared, uncomfortable looking woman being stripped completely nude and groped on the Grammys red carpet and

the kinds of feelings I am having in private about a scared, uncomfortable looking girl being stripped completely nude and groped on the Grammys red carpet are

really quite different

[sarah-denial-cq]

Pretty sure that, as a lesbian, every single time a man has sent me an unsolicited dick pic I've masturbated to it and said thank you.

(obviously, every time a woman has sent me an unsolicited dick pic I've gotten on all fours and barked for her and then masturbated and sent pictures).

[sarah-denial-cq]

Oh my god I was scrolling and saw a post from @badhabits8 (she's amazing 😍😍 by the way such a role model for me) talking about a hotter younger woman catching her husband's attention and said it was her "wet nightmare" and I just love that idea that phrasing that new hurtful-sexy phrase that she gifted the world. Wet nightmare, yes please.

[sarah-denial-cq]

"Click"

So I've been clicker training myself.

I remember at one point reading a kink post on here about clicker training. Basically, the idea is that you associate a sound (or other thing - a sight, a touch, etc) with something else (like physical pleasure from edging) by pairing the sound with the feeling. Then later on, when you hear the sound, you get aroused and get back all the feelings you have when you edge, even without touching yourself. It becomes an involuntary response to the sound itself. It's similar to the idea of pavlov's dogs.

It's been working - really - extremely well. I have very effectively conditioned myself to get aroused at the notification sound that a tumblr DM makes. While I edge, if I see or think of something that really turns me on, or I'm right on the cusp of a hard edge, I have a button that I push to play the sound in my headphones. I've been doing it for a few weeks.

At one point, I was camming with someone, and I set something up so they could play the sound in my headphones by pushign a button. I was halfway through explaining the idea when they just went ahead and pushed it. Without thinking - without even enough to time to consciouslly process what had happened - I broke off halfway through the sentence to moan and roll my hips, instinctively thinking there would be a vibe there.

It's extremely hot. I know lots of kink and fetish posts on here talk about reprogramming a sub's brain. Well, I've done it. Obvoiusly, I have to keep reinforcing the conditioning - it's not a one-and-done thing - but it's in there. It entirely bypasses my conscious thought - I react *before* I realize that I've heard the trigger sound.

Someone I told about this told me it couldn't work, that people were too smart to be clicker trained and in fact lots of dogs are too smart to be cliker trained. Well - I'm not :). Click.

[sarah-denial-cq]

Did something happen at the Grammies that I'm not aware of, or was that just something you thought of?

Uh yeah something definitely happened at the 2025 Grammys.

Bianca Censori 2025 Grammys uncensored is your search phrase for anybody here in the future.

I have a *lot* of thoughts about the whole thing, there are just so many little details that make it so, so much more damaging to me as a girl. She looks so intensely uncomfortable - it's not the traditional supermodel pout, it's fear and embarrassment and regret. Her eyes keep both darting around and looking dead. And then a male photographer in the crowd yells out "Smile!!" oh goddddddddddddddd I could go frankly on and on about the unbelievably unfair, inequal, arousing sexual politics of the moment you just god you just have to undersantd that when a bitch is explolited in an image or video orsorty or public or *any* interaction there's the actual image or whatever but there's a whole story behind the moemnt edge! and the true sexual violence and and power is always the real mindfuck for me I'm really sorry about all this.

(also I'm saying even a single word about her shitstain nazi husband so keep him out of my notes, this is about Bianca and how society treats an exploited cunt)

[sarah-denial-cq]

I woke up before Rose this morning and my entire body is so unbelievably aching for her to wake up and pin me down and spread my legs and hold my throat and spit in my mouth and pull my tits and push back my thighs and slap my face and pound me uh

I think having an inconsistent libido is really hard. Aside from when I wake up ready to be pinned and bred, I feel like often it's light, escalating touch, or sudden overwhelming visual stimulus that can get me in the mood. Also I can do the light escalating touch to myself I've had uh lots of practice with that.

I wonder if I wake her up while she's still sleeping and say daddy I need you to-

Oh just had a thought of serving her breakfast in bed and her eating it above me and making a mess on my face while she rails me while I'm on my back squirming

[sarah-denial-cq]

No, no, don't think of me as "a submissive" or whatever, that's so dehumanizing. Just think of me as a friend! But like, a friend you can kind of boss around and make too-mean jokes about and bully and inconvenience and take advantage of. You know, besties.

Imbalanced, unequal besties.

[sarah-denial-cq]

Normalizing

Normalizing is a process in bladesmithing, where a sword is repeatedly heated up right below critical, and then left to cool off, again and again and again. It improves toughness and the sword's ability to hold an edge.

I read this sentence (paraphrased) recently and it just hit me so hard. Why, I'm heated up just below the critical point where I would cum (or ruin), again and again. And it has certainly helped my ability to hold an edge.

I remember a year and a half ago when I ate off the floor for the first time. It was mortifying. It was almost impossible. But the other day I had a bowl of cereal and was edging and just thought about how pathetic I felt as I casually ate it with my face with the bowl on the floor. And I thought about how much connecting with my community on tumblr has normalized all my behavior.

It feels pathetic, but not weird. Not deviant. It feels humiliating, but normal. I was telling Rose the other day how honestly most of the things I really like that enforce how I feel are honestly "pretty vanilla, like having my food spit on." That's been normalized for me. My old hard fantasies have become my daily life. My old never-evers have become my hard fantasies. There's a surrendering of control as my denial and community engagement heat me up again and again. And it all feels good. It makes me happier.

I wonder what will change next.

[sarah-denial-cq]

Open/Close

Open your legs, she said, you feel less in control that way, which you like

Close your eyes, she purred, you worry less that way

Open your mouth, she insisted, you look stupider that way

Close your fingers on your nipples, she urged, you feel more sexualized that way

Open your eyes, she barked, you need to cross them vapidly

Close your mouth on your fingers, she instructed, you are too empty without them

Don't cum, she echoed, forver.

She is the hole where my brain used to be.

[sarah-denial-cq]

Swallowed spit while my fiancee pinned me down and wrote on me with sharpie and then got to watch her cum while she got off to me edging. What a great great great way to start shaking off the rough vibes of last week 😍😍😍😍

[sarah-denial-cq]

How should girls like me edge?

I think this is my first poll ever? I don't know, for some reason this question popped into my head this morning and I couldn't stop thinking about it. I'd love to hear people's thoughts in the comments, I feel like these are all really different.

I do feel like the amount of training I've done to instinctively open my mouth might make some of the options really hard :D