#xisuma buddy it seems like you’ve got a lot going on in that helmet of yours bud

[shepscapades]

Xisuma, why in the world were trying to fix your helmet with TAPE?? I thought the superglue idea was unhinged but THIS IS A NEW LEVEL

(I know that it's probably not holding itself ONLY on tape, but the image in my head is too funny)

What's next? You tell me he attached Doc's new arm to his body with tape and glue too??

THIS RESPONSE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE COMICAL but I let it get away from me;;

[theres-an-impulstor-among-us]

I’m back! With more oneshot suggestions! Woo!

Please, if you have the ability to, supply me with alter brainrot. Here’s a basic plot outline (I always come prepared lol):

BadTimes has finally been banned. After years of antics with his counterpart, he finally stepped over the line. He doesn’t know what he did, all he knows is that it was too much. He gets dragged out of the void by EX and Hels, who also want to apologize to their counterparts. The three set out on a short flangsty journey of misunderstood-ness and attempts at proving themselves worthy of forgiveness.

;)

Now THIS was a lot of fun to write! Ended up being very long tho so I’m sorry about that, but I hope the quality is still good. I also hope you like the ending, even though it went off in a different direction than I originally intended :)

...

  “He’s there! He’s right there! Just grab him!”

  “It’s harder than it looks, okay?! Back off!” 

  He gasped as he felt himself get wrenched back into existence. Stumbling as his feet touched the ground, he pitched forwards and would have fallen over if he hadn’t been caught by a pair of strong arms.

  “Easy, man,” came a British-accented voice. “Easy. Just breathe, alright? Breathe.” 

  He took in a few gulping breaths, his oxygen-starved lungs drinking in the fresh air, and closed his eyes against the dizziness that was threatening to topple him. He widened his stance slightly, his shaky legs strengthening by the second. 

  Finally, he opened his eyes and found himself looking at two people. One was wearing a familiar helmet and the other was dressed in full armour. They both looked almost exactly like two people he knew very well.

  “Who are you?” he asked.

  “You first,” said the helmeted one, identifying them as the British-accented one who had caught him earlier. 

  “My name is BadTimesWithScar,” he said. “You can call me BadTimes, or  just Bad.”

  Bad could see a spark of interest in the helmeted person’s eyes, even through the visor. “You’re GoodTimesWithScar’s evil counterpart?” They circled Bad, looking him up and down. “I guess I should’ve expected that, huh? Considering you look almost exactly like him.”

  “In that case, am I to assume you guys are Xisuma and Welsknight’s evil clones?” said Bad. 

  The helmeted being nodded. “Sure am. I’m Evil Xisuma, but you can call me EX.” 

  “Hi, I’m Helsknight,” blurted out the armour-clad one. “I like rap battles and medieval-style architecture.”

  Bad stared at him.

  “I’ve been making him do group therapy,” EX explained tiredly. “He was utterly obsessed with violence and destruction when he got here. It got a little too much to handle after a while.”

  “Speaking of which, where is “here”?” Bad asked, staring around at the blank world they were standing in. 

  EX shrugged. “It doesn’t really have a name. It’s the place I ended up after I got banned by Xisuma.”

  “B-Banned?! Wait a sec…” Bad frowned as memories came back to him. “How did I get here?”

  “Well, I pulled you out of the void,” said EX. “That’s where people go when they get banned.” They jerked their thumb at Hels. “I fished him out of the void too a few weeks ago.”

  “I tried to kill them,” said Hels helpfully.

  EX nodded wearily. “He did.” 

  “Wait, wait.” Bad stared at the two in shock. “Does this mean… I’VE been banned?!”

  “Yup.” EX spread their arms wide. “Welcome to the banishment club.”

  “What did you do to get banned?” Hels asked eagerly. “Did you destroy stuff? Kill someone? Try to take over the server? I did that, by the way.”

  “I…” Bad hesitated, his shoulders drooping. “I don’t know.”

  Frowning, EX and Hels exchanged a look. “How do you not know?” the former asked slowly. “Surely you must have done something bad enough to get flung into the void permanently.” 

  Bad shook his head. “Look, you guys are legendary on the server. So legendary I didn’t even believe you existed. Everyone knows the evil stuff you guys did to get banned, but I’m not like that. I like spreading mischief and pranking people. That’s what I exist to do; it’s literally what Scar created me for. So the fact that I’ve somehow crossed the line without even realising what I did is beyond worrying.” His eyes widened in fear. “Oh no, did I hurt Scar?! Oh no, oh no… I gotta… I gotta go apologise to him!” 

  EX caught him by the wrist as he tried to dash off. “Hold on, there. You’ve been banned, remember? You can’t just waltz back onto the server.”

  “There has to be another way!”

  “There is, there is.” EX gave him a serious look. “But it’s risky. Going back to a server you’ve been banned from can be more trouble than it’s worth. If someone sees you before you get the chance to talk to Scar… Well, let’s just say there’s worse punishments than just being banned.”

  “I have to see Scar,” said Bad determinedly. “I have to find out what I did and apologise for it. Are you two gonna help me or not?”

  After a moment, EX said, “I’m up for sneaking back onto Hermitcraft. I’d like to apologise to Xisuma for… uh… the incident that got me banned. What about you, Hels?”

  “I just wanna have another rap battle with Wels,” Hels said. 

  Bad frowned at him. “Are you… you know… alright? In the head?”

  Hels stuck up both his thumbs. “Nope!” he said cheerfully. “Thinking about rap battles and medieval-style architecture is the only thing keeping my taste for blood at bay.”

  A pause followed his words.

  “Wonderful,” EX sighed. “Remind me to join you in group therapy next time; it doesn’t seem to be working all that well. Anyway, time to sneak back onto Hermitcraft. Let’s get going.”

…

  “Are you sure this is the right way?” asked Bad, unable to see even his companions in the pitch black tunnel. “Who even put this tunnel here? And where does it lead?”

  “I’m not taking questions about secret tunnels and whether or not I know where I’m going,” came EX’s voice from the front of the group. “Something tells me the answers won’t alleviate your fear.”

  Thoroughly unnerved by this, Bad leant forward slightly to address Hels, who was walking between him and EX. “Hey Hels, what are you gonna do when we get back to Hermitcraft?”

  “I’m gonna apologise to Wels for trying to take over the server, explain to him that group therapy has helped me calm my bloodlust, and then destroy him in a rap battle.” 

  Bad sighed quietly. “Well… at least you’ve got a plan.”

  “Up here,” called EX after a few more minutes. 

  Light was starting to shine through the end of the tunnel. As Bad followed EX and Hels out, blinking against the light, he recognised the place they had ended up. 

  “Wait, is this the Mycelium Resistance headquarters?” he said.

  EX shrugged. “Don’t ask me; I’ve never been in this world before. I got banned on the last one and I’ve never had a reason to sneak back. That being said, what on earth is the Mycelium Resistance?”

  “Oh, it’s a loooong story. But the good thing is nobody uses this base anymore, so we should be safe down here if we need to flee from an angry mob of Hermits. Which we will.”

  “That’s the spirit,” EX responded wryly. “So which way out?”

  Bad led the other two towards the giant hole in the wall. “We can get out this way. I remember Scar brought me down here to show me the excellent work he and his government buddies did at destroying the rebel base.”

  “Government?” repeated EX confusedly.

  “Oh, yeah, Scar’s the mayor. You didn’t know that?”

  EX shook their head. “Like I said, I’ve never been in the Season 7 world. Not properly, anyway. Not enough to know the ins and outs of what’s going on.”

  The group made it to the surface of the shopping district. Bad could see the town hall nearby. “Okay, I’m gonna go see Scar.”

  “Good luck,” said EX. “I’ll wander around and see if I bump into Xisuma.”

  “I’ll take you to his flower farm,” Hels offered. “I went there once to hide from Wels and steal some flowers. Didn’t work; he caught me and banned me.”

  “Well, hopefully history won’t repeat itself.” 

  Bad left his new friends behind and headed to the town hall, keeping a wary eye out for any Hermits nearby. He didn’t see anyone around, but that didn’t mean nobody was there. 

  But thankfully, he made it to the town hall undetected and entered quietly. He found Scar just inside, polishing the diamond throne. The mayor glanced up, his eyes widening when he registered his evil clone standing there. “Bad? Oh my gosh, I… What happened to you? Where’s your hat?”

  Bad’s hands flew to his head, realising for the first time that he didn’t have his hat anymore. “It must have fallen off in the void. Scar, I got banned and I don’t know why.”

  “You were banned?! And you still came back here?!” Scar shook his head. “You need to leave before Xisuma finds you.”

  “But I-!”

  “No, just go! Before we get into trouble.” 

  “I just want to know why I was banned,” said Bad desperately. “Then I’ll go right back to where I came from and I’ll never bother you again. I promise.”

  Scar hesitated, a conflicted look on his face. Finally, he said, “I’m sorry. I didn’t actually think X was gonna do it.”

  Bad frowned. “What do you mean?”

  “Back during the war, I was under a lot of stress. I did things I’m not exactly proud of. Eventually, I realised that what I was doing… was making me more like you. I couldn’t handle that, so I went to Xisuma and asked if he could get you out of the way so people didn’t notice I was turning into you. I didn’t-.”

  “Wait, wait, wait…!” Bad waved his hands to stop his counterpart. “Let me get this straight… You got me banned because you were afraid you were becoming evil, like me?”

  Scar nodded slowly. “I swear, I didn’t think he was actually gonna ban you.”

  “What else did you expect the server admin to do?!” snapped Bad.

  “I don’t know! I’m sorry, Bad, really!”

  “If you’re really sorry, then go to Xisuma and explain you want me unbanned!”

  To Bad’s surprise and dismay, Scar shook his head. “I can’t do that. I’m sorry, but I’m the mayor; a good mayor now. A good mayor can’t have an evil clone of himself on the server anymore. I really am sor-.”

  “Oh, stop saying you’re sorry!” Bad’s voice cracked. “I can’t believe this! After all these years of funny pranks and harmless shenanigans, you’re just tossing me aside?”

  “Bad, you’re not harmless,” Scar snapped back. “You don’t realise it, but you’ve caused some real damage over the years. You’ve destroyed things, killed people, upset people, caused irreparable damage to the server. The only reason Xisuma hasn’t banned you sooner is because I kept standing up for you. Did you seriously never notice the fact that I was the only Hermit who ever had kind words for you? You never noticed the other Hermits glaring at you in the shopping district or walking the other way when you came by?”

  Bad stared at Scar in shock and horror. “N-No, I… I didn’t… Scar, I… I never meant to cause bad things.”

  “Your name literally contains the phrase “Bad Times”!”

  “I-I can change, Scar!” Bad was almost physically begging at this point. “I can change, I promise! I can be worthy of forgiveness if you give me a chance.”

  Scar firmly shook his head. “You’re an evil Hermit and you always will be. I’m sorry, but there’s no place on the server for you. Not anymore.”

  Red hot anger started to build inside Bad. “No, you… you can’t do this to me. After everything we’ve been through, you can’t just decide I don’t belong here anymore!”

  Scar took a step back, away from Bad. “Just get outta here before I call Xisuma to deal with you.”

  Bad hesitated.

  In the ensuing pause, a loud crash sounded from outside. 

  Seizing his chance, Bad snatched the hat from Scar’s head and dashed out of the town hall. When he got outside, he found Xisuma and EX locked in a battle just outside the building. Xisuma appeared to be winning. 

  Bad dashed down the stairs and slammed right into Xisuma, sending the admin tumbling to the ground. Before Xisuma could recover, Bad grabbed EX’s hand and pulled them back towards the shopping district.

  “Where’s Hels?” Bad demanded. 

  “I sent him back to the tunnel. Whether he’s still there, I don’t know. Bad, what happened?”

  “I’ll explain later.”

  The two jumped down the secret entrance to the base and rushed back towards the entrance to the tunnel. 

  “Hey, guys.” Hels emerged from one of the rooms, holding an armful of mycelium. “They have purple grass here.”

  Letting go of EX’s hand, Bad beckoned to Hels. “C’mon, we’re getting outta here.” 

  “Can I bring the purple grass?” 

  “Will it help distract you from, as you put it, your bloodlust?” EX inquired.

  Hels beamed. “Yes.”

  “Alright, then, yes. You can bring the… uh… purple grass.”

  As the evil Hermits made their way back through the tunnel, EX eventually decided to break the silence. “So… Long story short, Xisuma didn’t forgive me. How’d it go with Scar?”

  “Scar got me banned because he was afraid of turning into me,” replied Bad shortly. “And he refuses to get it reversed because he’s afraid having an evil clone whom everyone on the server hates will damage his image as mayor.”

  A pause followed. 

  “Oof, that’s rough,” EX remarked sympathetically. “What are you going to do now?”

  “There’s nothing else I CAN do. I’ve been banned and the only person on the server who might stick up for me is refusing to do so. I guess that means I’m stuck with you two permanently.”

  Another pause. 

  “I didn’t even get to have another rap battle with Wels,” said Hels sadly. 

  “Hey.” EX stopped at the very end of the tunnel, turning back to face their friends. “Let’s all quit moping. We tried asking for forgiveness and it didn’t work. No more grovelling, no more trying to change, no more stupid group therapy. We’re evil Hermits, right?”

  “Yeah!” cheered Hels. 

  “And evil Hermits want to spread chaos and destruction, right? We should be who we are, without worrying what our counterparts will think of us. They’ve rejected us, so now they think we’re no longer their problem. Let’s show them how wrong they are. Let’s show them how evil we can really be.”

  “YEAH!” Hels whooped, his red eyes flashing dangerously. “BLOODLUST!”

  “We’re not straight-up murdering people, though, Hels,” added EX sternly. “That’s not the kind of chaos we spread.”

  “Oh.” Hels settled down. “Okay. Fair enough.”

  Chuckling quietly, EX turned to Bad. “What do you say?”

  After a moment, a grin spread over Bad’s face and he swept Scar’s hat onto his head. “I say let’s do it. If Scar says I’m evil, who am I to deny it?”

  “Exactly.” EX slung one arm over Bad’s shoulders and the other over Hels’s, grinning at their evil compatriots. “It’s time to be the evil Hermits we were created to be.”