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angelsanarchy · 8 years

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Hi, I had a fic prompt of Lukas between hiding who he is/his relationship with Philip to be able to compete in pro motocross... obviously deciding not to because he hid their relationship for so long before. And of course he chooses Philip because he's his new dream? And he basically goes on to talk about how Philip makes him feel/how madly, truly, deeply in love he is with him..... I'm giving myself so many feels just suggesting it 💗💗

Okay this got away from me a bit so I’m sorry it’s a bit long. I hope you enjoy it!

Lukas kept ringing his hands out. It was his first competition back and he really needed to get sponsored today or he’d miss his shot.

“Just relax. You’re going to do great. You’ve worked your ass off to get better and your jumps have gotten even better than before you were shot.” Philip gripped Lukas’ hands and rubbed them between his own.

“I know I just…what if I don’t get a sponsor today? What if I carry too much baggage you know?” Lukas worried and Philip smiled at him.

“Witnessing a murder, getting kidnapped and shot are kind of out of your control. I don’t think anyone can really hold that against you.” Philip reminds him. Lukas ducks his head so he doesn’t see him smile.

“You’re going to take pictures right?” Lukas moved into his space and Philip held up his camera.

“Helen and Gabe got me a new one for my birthday. It takes pictures within a video so I’ll have both. I’ll try not to be the cheering boyfriend in the background.” Philip teased making Lukas laugh. He kissed Philip’s forehead and hugged him.

“Thanks for being here.” Lukas said but before Philip could respond, a loud banging on the door of the trailer made Lukas jump away from him.

“You’re up Waldenbeck. Let’s hit it.” Lukas grabbed his helmet and Philip followed him out of the trailer, camera in hand as he walked over towards the stands. Lukas was out…to Helen, Gabe, Rose and his dad but they’d decided that for now, it’s best it stays between just them. Rose had sort of adopted Philip into their friend group to make things less weird for everyone. Told their friends, Philip saved Lukas’ life so that kind of greased some wheels but Philip didn’t seem to care. He hadn’t cared what people thought of him, only what Lukas thought.

Lukas jumped on his bike and looked focused on, less nervous and Philip looked for some good places to get some shots so he could post the race on Lukas’ channel afterwards. The starting siren went off and Lukas took off down the ramp to start on his first set of hills getting impressive air and doing his first set of tricks.

Lukas took off, gripping the bike tightly between his thighs focusing on nothing but the ground beneath him. Philip followed his bike careful not to shake the camera so much whispering encouragements between gritted teeth and remembering to take shots whenever he caught air or did an impressive maneuver with his feet leaving the bike.

“Come on Lukas. You got this!” Philip breathed hearing cheers growing louder behind him. Lukas had let go of the bike mid air and pulled it back under himself with little effort making people go nuts. It was like he never left. The announcer praising him and calling him the “comeback kid” quite a few times. Lukas had one final big jump and Philip held his breath knowing he was going to try the backflip. He’d practiced it a few times but only landed it once. He hit the jump and hesitated, throwing the bike to the side before pulling it back underneath of him to land and skid to a stop.

“YEAH! WOOOOOO! LUKAS!!” Philip heard Helen and Gabe cheering behind him in the stands with Bo. Lukas fist pumped the air and everyone got to their feet to cheer him on. Philip ran around to see them interviewing Lukas who looked like he couldn’t smile any bigger.

“Lukas you’ve been out of the circuit for a month and after everything that’s happened, how are you feeling after such an amazing run?” The man held the mic up to Lukas’ mouth and he laughed.

“Oh man it’s unbelievable. I can’t describe it. It feels good to be back again. It feels like I never left.” Lukas said wiping the sweat off his forehead.

“You without a doubt had the best run today out of everyone here so far and I know you’ve been looking for some sponsorship’s, I think it’s safe to say they’ll be knocking your door down after this one.” Lukas shook his head.

“You know what, I’m just a regular guy out here doing something he loves. I’m not trying to focus on any of the stuff I went through. I’m moving past it and if sponsors can handle that then I’ll be happy to help them make some money.” Lukas had his cocky nature back and it made Philip smile proudly.

“Well I’ll let you go, I know there are about 30 girls over there waiting to ring your bell so congratulations!” Lukas glanced over at Philip and smiled awkwardly as he headed off to his trailer. Philip walked in as he was pulling his shirt over his head and Lukas pulled it back down.

“You did AMAZING! I’m so freaking proud of you!” Philip threw his arms around Lukas and he pulled away slightly when Philip went to kiss him.

“You okay?” Philip asked making Lukas look nervous.

“I just…maybe we shouldn’t be too close when we’re here. I mean we’d decided that it was okay to just keep this under wraps right? Maybe we should keep it off the track too.” Lukas said hoping Philip wouldn’t lost his shit but Philip stepped back.

“Yeah…I mean I just…you aren’t on the track right now, we’re in the trailer but that’s fine. I’m still really proud of you.” Lukas frowned reaching out to rub Philip’s hand that rested on the wooden bench inside the trailer.

“I kept hearing your voice in my head and I felt calm…like no matter how I did, it’d be okay. Thank you for being here.” Lukas wanted to kiss him so bad but he knew he had to get these sponsors if he wanted to get into the pro circuit by the summer.

“You know I’ll always be here for you.” Philip reassured him. That’s how it always was. Lukas could feel like his whole world was falling apart but Philip had a way of bringing him back, making him feel safe. The fall continued with Lukas winning more and more competitions and turning a lot of sponsorship heads. The footage that Philip was getting was also a huge bonus for turning pro circuit heads as well. Philip went wherever Lukas went. Sometimes Gabe and Helen would make the drive, other times Bo would allow Philip to go with them. Him and Philip had spent a lot of time together traveling for Lukas and getting to know one another. Gabe thought it was a great idea and the more Bo got to know him, the more comfortable Lukas was holding Philip’s hand when they were on the road or kissing Philip good night. But if they weren’t on the road, Lukas treated Philip like his friend.

Philip hoped it wouldn’t always be like this but he would never force Lukas to do anything. Watching girls hanging off of him drove him nuts. Lukas never gave into them obviously but it still bothered Philip. Lukas didn’t get it though. He constantly told him that he didn’t do anything, he was just being polite. Philip continued to cheer him on and film his runs. Take cards from sponsors wanting a meeting and making sure he was everything a supportive boyfriend should be.

“Hey son, we’ve got that meeting tomorrow with three different sponsors so you’ll need to get some rest tonight.” Bo said from front of the trailer as Lukas came out from the back wearing fresh, clean clothes.

“I won’t be out late. Some of the other guys want to hang out and tell me about some of the sponsors. You know, try and sway me to the dark side.” Bo looked at him confused.

“Are you taking Philip with you?” He asked but Lukas fixed his jacket.

“No he said he wasn’t feeling well. He’s out taking some pictures of the course. I figured he could turn in early and be ready for tomorrow’s tournament.” Lukas had reached for the door but Bo shook his head.

“If you aren’t careful, you’re going to lose him.” Lukas stopped and laughed.

“He’s a big boy dad, plus it’s not even that dark. He’ll find his way back just fine.” Lukas opened the door and turned around to wave. Bo waited up for Philip to come in and he had his eyes on his camera.

“I got some pretty nice photos of the sunset if you want to see.” Philip smiled and Bo chuckled.

“Sure. Let’s see what you got.” Philip looked surprised but quickly realized Lukas wasn’t in the trailer. He frowned and Bo put his hand on his shoulder.

“I actually think I’m just going to get some sleep. You’re welcome to look through them though. Good night.” Philip took his sleeping bag and climbed on top of the trailer. He’d liked sleeping up there now that it was warm out. The stars reminded him of Tivoli. He’d considered leaving twice but he couldn’t take this from Lukas. This was his dream. He heard him open the door and get into the trailer before climbing the ladder a few moments later.

“Hey, dad’s asleep. Did you want to come down here and sleep in my room?” Lukas asked but Philip didn’t move.

“No I’m fine here. How did it go with the other guys?” Lukas finished climbing the ladder and sat down next to Philip looking down at him.

“It was alright. They keep trying to steer me in the direction of which team pulls the best chicks like that matters.” Lukas laughed and Philip kept his eyes on the sky.

“Are you sure you don’t want to come back inside with me? I promise not to make you too warm.” Lukas pushed Philip’s hair out of his face and he turned his head away from his touch.

“No I think I want to stay out here tonight. It reminds me of being back home. I miss it there. Everything seemed…easier there. I never thought I’d get homesick of Tivoli.” Philip sighed making Lukas worry.

“Well..I mean did you want to go back?” Lukas asked hoping the answer was no but he didn’t want to hold Philip hostage.

“Tomorrow is a big day, you should really be getting some sleep.” Philip tried to change the subject but Lukas clicked his tongue to his teeth.

“Don’t do that. Tell me what’s wrong.” Lukas laid down on his elbow putting one arm over Philip’s waist pulling him closer.

“Someone might see us-” Lukas knew exactly why Philip was upset.

“You said you were okay with this. I thought…I thought we were good.” Philip finally looked at Lukas and had tears in his eyes.

“I know. It’s fine. We can do whatever you want.” Lukas put his hand on Philip’s face.

“Philip…please.” Lukas hated seeing him like this.

“Lukas, I’m trying really hard right now okay so please don’t ask anymore of me. This is your dream. I’m here and I’m watching you live your dream, capturing every single moment on film and every part of my body screams for you when people start cheering for you. All I want to do is run to you and kiss you but I…I can’t. I miss the barn. I miss being able to put my arms around you. I miss going to the track we built and taking stupid videos together. I miss laying in my bed just watching you sleep but here…I can’t do that. I’m not apart of this dream.” Philip wiped the tears off his face and put his hands over his eyes when Lukas looked away to blink his own tears away.

“I’m sorry. I know how big tomorrow is. I shouldn’t have dumped all this on you. Come on, let’s go to bed.” Philip slid towards the ladder and shuffled down quickly not waiting for him. Bo nodded at him and Philip shook his head ready to apologize.

“Don’t apologize son. He needed to hear it.” Philip gaped a bit but Bo touched his shoulder again.

“Most of us are lucky to find love once in a life time. My boy gets his hard head from me so for that I’m sorry but you’re good for him. He just needs to start being good for you too or for your own sake you’ll have to let him go.” Bo said sadly just as Lukas walked into the door looking thrown.

“Goodnight boys.” He went back to his room and pulled the door shut. Philip slid into his bed and Lukas slid in behind him spooning up close to hold him tightly. They didn’t say anything, just held onto one another tightly until they passed out.

The next morning, Lukas sat through his meetings listening to all the sponsors had to offer and feeling a million miles away. The traveling and the paychecks sounded amazing. The gear and the exposure all sounded like a bonus but he knew that if he took these offers, he might never get to go back to the barn with Philip.

“Son, you ready for this?” Bo snapped Lukas back to his bike and he knew he was just about up.

“Where’s Philip?” Lukas asked and Bo pointed to the booth.

“One of the sponsors gave him a press badge to take better footage.” Lukas saw Philip messing with the settings on his camera and couldn’t help but stare.

“You can be a motocross star and a good boyfriend, son. It is possible but that kind of love you can only find with a person, not a sport.” They called Lukas’ name on the speaker and Philip looked over at him giving him a smile and mouthing “Good Luck” at him. Lukas smiled and looked over at his dad.

“I’m with you no matter what kid.” Bo reassured him as he pushed his bike to the start. Lukas started up his bike and shoved his helmet on thinking about practicing with Philip back home. He started his run and smiled thinking of all the tricks that made Philip’s eyes go wide with amazement. He kicked up dirt and clicked his heels together making people cheer. He saw the final jump coming up and he finally had enough confidence to try the backflip which he felt in his chest as he pulled the back with him through the rotation and landed perfectly hearing an applause so loud, he couldn’t hear the announcers. People swarmed Lukas as he parked his bike but he pushed through all of them to get to Philip who was jumping up and down with excitement.

“You did it! That was so awesome! I got it on film and-” Lukas stopped Philip ranting with his lips not caring what anyone around him said because all he wanted to do was kiss his boyfriend. Philip pulled away wide eyed and confused.

“Lukas...” He breathed.

“You’re my dream. This...this used to be what I dreamed about but you...this means nothing if I can’t have you too. I’ll walk away today if it means I lose you. I love you.” Lukas kisses him again and this time Philip gripped his shirt tightly in his fist kissing him with everything he had. Bo finally had to pull them apart so Lukas could accept his winnings and the announcer put his mic in his face again.

“That backflip was the most savage thing we’ve seen from you in a long time Lukas and after your 6th consecutive win, how are you feeling?” Lukas looked over at Philip who was smiling ear to ear.

“Man I wish I could explain to you how free I feel. I’ve got another win under my belt, a trick I feel like I could pull off in my sleep and a boyfriend who I love more than anything. I’m on top of the world.” Philip blushed and his dad smiled at him putting his arm around Philip.

“I guess you’re kind of out now. That’s pretty crazy. You could very well be the first ever openly gay motocross star.” Lukas shook his head.

“I don’t want to go into this as some poster boy. It’s taken me a really long time to accept myself and actually be fearless enough to stand here saying I have a boyfriend but he deserves to be praised. He’s why I’m here. If I get sponsored, I won’t be using my sexuality to get anyone a paycheck. I want to be Lukas Waldenbeck, motocross star who just happens to be gay.” Everyone cheered louder and Lukas left the podium getting hand shakes from the other riders and words of admiration, some even gave him short hugs with respect as he reached Philip. Philip wrapped his arms around him and kissed him deeply.

“I am so proud of you and I love you so much.” Philip felt his face hurting from how hard he was smiling.

“Wherever you are is where my home is.” Lukas put his hand on Philip’s chest and Philip closed his eyes, resting his forehead against Lukas’. They stood there for a moment until someone cleared their throat.

“Lukas Waldenbeck, I’m Greg Warner from EXT Motors. We would like to talk to you about a sponsorship.” Lukas had wanted to be sponsored by EXT Motors since he started racing.

“And before you give me the third degree, we want you strictly for your abilities and dedication. You’re a racer, what you do in your home life is your business, not the press or circuit. You’re brave and charismatic. I think you’ll represent the brand proudly.” Lukas looked over at Philip and he shook his head urging him to take it. Lukas knew that this was jut the beginning for the both of them and he was excited to truly start a new life.

“So what do you say?”

#xourbeautifulimperfectionsx #asks #Philkas #Eyewitness fic #prompt #kind of a cliffhanger ending but this is so long I had to end it

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philipshay · 8 years

Text

if you hadn’t found me sitting all alone in the dark

requested by @xourbeautifulimperfectionsx

au in which lukas has to choose between philip and motocross, but realizes there isnt really a choice to be made at all

Lukas Waldenbeck knew who he was, and who he wanted to be. He was into motocross, and he was damn good at it. He had a popular girlfriend, and he was popular. He saw the path in front of him clearly, and knew exactly where to step to follow it.

Then Philip Shea moved to town. And everything crumbled. His life became nightmares and a dangerous new reality, with splinters of confusion sprinkled in. There was this boy who lit him on fire, who held him as he wasn’t afraid to be burned.

This boy came along and changed everything.

At first, he thought it was for the worse. Things were falling so quickly around him, he didn’t see that his path hadn’t stopped at all; it had split in two. Two directions he could go, two roads to follow.

He didn’t realize he would have to pick one until now. Until the sponsor came back a second time, this time with terms, rules for Lukas to follow in order to keep his sponsor ship.

He would become the real thing. With money and fame and more girls than he could possibly imagine. That’s what the sponsor told him, sitting at the table with Lukas and his father. Bo looked over at him at the mention of girls, but Lukas kept his jaw set.

“You’ll have to stop hanging out with that boy. The one from the cabin. Everything that happened surrounding the incidents need to be kept quiet. It doesn’t look good for you, you understand.” The man said, already assuming Lukas is on his side.

The old Lukas would have been. The Lukas he was before the cabin, before Philip. The old Lukas would have said yes immediately, with no questions.

The new Lukas doesn’t know what to say.

“I understand it’s a lot to process. It’s a big deal. I’ll give you the weekend to think it over. Sound good?” The man asks. Lukas nods blankly, eyes on the wooden table in front of him. The man gives him a thin smile, and gets to his feet, gathering his things. Bo leads him to the floor, and closes it, pausing for a moment before coming back into the kitchen to look at Lukas.

“A few months ago, I’d have said take the sponsorship.” Bo says after a moment. Lukas lifts his head.

“And now?”

“Now, I think you should think about it.”

“What do I do?”

Bo shakes his head, looking out the window above the sink.

“I can’t tell you that, kid. It’s not my decision to make.”

Lukas frowns, and looks down at his lap.

Lukas has been waiting for this his entire life. He’s being a second chance at a sponsorship. It’s sitting right in front of him, and all he has to do is reach out and take it.

But taking it would mean walking away from Philip, and what they have. He doesn’t know if he wants that.

He doesn’t know if he could bear that.

Lukas ends up where he finds himself anytime he doesn’t know what to do.

Philip’s house.

Rather, the tree out by his barn, where he and Philip have spent hours sitting and talking and kissing and laughing.

He doesn’t even text him to let him know he’s there; Philip must have seen him drive up.

Philip tugs a hoodie over his head, and sits down beside Lukas in the grass, leaning back against the thick trunk. He draws his knees to his chest, wrapping an arm around them, and waits for Lukas to speak.

“The sponsor came back.”

“What’d he say?” Philip asks.

Lukas closes his eyes, brows knitting together.

“I have to pick between the sponsorship and-“ Lukas stops.

“And what?”

“And you.” Lukas says, opening his eyes. He looks over at Philip, whose face has gone white. His jaw clenches, and he gets to his feet, Lukas’ hand falling away as he does so. He looks away, arms crossed against his chest.

“Fine. Whatever.” Philip says.

Lukas looks up at him, confused. He doesn’t know what he said; he hadn’t realized he’d said something wrong.

“Philip-“

“Whatever you want, Lukas.” Philip says, voice sharp. Lukas stands up, lost.

“What?”

“You’re breaking up with me.” Philip says, avoiding Lukas’ eyes. Lukas’ stands up, reaching for Philip. Philip pulls away, and Lukas feels frantic; he’s going to leave.

“No. Philip-no.”

“It’s fine, Lukas.”

Philip turns, and Lukas stomach tumbles, the words spilling out of his mouth before he can think.

“I chose you. I-I chose you, because I love you. I chose you-I’ll always choose you.” Lukas says, letting his confession hit his feet, watching it register on Philip’s face.

The walls in Philip’s eyes go down, and his lips part.

“I came here because I wanted to ask you what I should do, because you’re the person I want to talk to. When I’m mad or sad or scared-it’s always you. And I realized that I didn’t even need to ask what to do, because I knew. I picked you. I’ll always pick you.” Lukas says, unable to stop.

Suddenly, the giant-ness of it all hits him, and he can’t stop talking. This-him and Philip-is big, so big, and he would get rid of that.

“It’s you, Philip. It’s always you.” Lukas says, falling short. This is the most honest Lukas has been with anyone in years; maybe in his whole life.

Lukas always chooses his words carefully. He doesn’t let people in, and he sure as hell doesn’t talk about how he feels.

He used to not, at least. But Philip has the ability to uncork the filter in his head, the one that hides things, and shoves it all to the surface.

“Don’t go. Please.” Lukas says. Philip’s eyes flick around Lukas’ face, and Lukas is sure he’s going to keep walking, but instead, stumbles back toward him.

Lukas catches him as Philip throws his arms around him, and buries his face in Lukas’ shirt. Lukas ducks his head, face pressing into Philip’s hair. His own arms wind around him, and he holds him close.

Everything makes sense when Philip is around. All the bad stuff and the sad stuff the scary stuff is manageable-even defeatable-with Philip around.

Maybe that’s what love is, Lukas thinks. Someone who makes everything clear. Someone that makes you invincible. Someone that makes you strong.

#brooke writes fic #eyewitness #philip shea #lukas waldenbeck #philkas

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