#y'all probably had to kill the guys at town hall to get that shit in order LMAO

[pinkbubbles-and-bigtroubles]

Crush (Girls Talk Boys part 28)

It's crazy I'm thinking Just knowing that the world is round

Here I'm dancing on the ground Am I right side up or upside down Is this real or am I dreaming

Lovely lady Let me drink you please I won't spill a drop, I promise you Lying under this spell you cast on me

Ashton blinked at the clock and stretched out trying to shake the feeling that something was off. He rolled over onto his side and fumbled for his phone just as his foot hit something soft yet solid. He was not alone and for a minute he had no clue where the fuck he even was. He rolled over slowly trying not to disturb the person sleeping next to him and Ashton was relieved when he recognized the long brown hair and shoulder Pisces constellation tattoo that belonged to Cher.  He started to remember what happened last night. He and Cal showing up to surprise the girls, and then Cher agreeing to get out of the club with him and come back to his place. Ashton smiled at the memory of her bent over his couch then on her knees before him. It finally dawned on him that he'd passed out while she was in the shower.

He slipped out of bed and down the stairs to make a cup of tea. He made two cups and took one up to leave for Cher in case she woke up. He hopped in the shower, wanting to rinse the sweat and stickiness of last night away before trying again. He was kind of surprised Cher stayed the night, although with Calum back at Camille's it was probably the only way she could get some sleep. It wasn't like she hadn't slept over before but those were unintentional, like when she falls asleep on the couch watching Shameless or a movie. This was different, there were expectations to live up to and a lot of shit talking he had to live up to. Ashton stood under the water surprised at how anxious he felt about walking back into his own bedroom.

Cher unnerved him but at the same time he'd never been more attracted to a girl. It was the contradictions about her that fascinated him. Cher wasn't the prettiest, thinnest, or curviest girl he'd ever been with, but she was hands down the sexiest. Tall with nice boobs, an even better ass, Cher was the soft side of thick, but it was the way she carried herself that was irresistible. There was an innocence to her that made her unabashed love of sex and kinky nature that much more unexpected.

Ashton got out and wrapped a towel around his waist and padded back down the hall. Cher had rolled over to his side of the bed and stirred slightly as he came into the room. Ashton opened his dresser looking for a pair of shorts to slip on when he heard a sleepy voice “You don't have to get dressed just come back to bed.”He turned around and Cher was looking at him through half opened eyes and pouting, “I'm cold.”

Ashton grinned, “we can't have that now can we doll?”  He left the shorts in the drawer, dropped the towel and crawled back into bed wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her back into his chest. His lips found her skin as he buried his face in her neck. Cher hummed in response and pushed back against him. His hand toyed with the edge of his T shirt, the one she had worn to bed, before sliding up to grip her hip. He smiled when he realized she wasn't wearing any panties. Cher could feel his erection pressing against her as his other hand went under her shirt grasping her breast and pinching her nipple, his teeth on her now, biting and sucking along her shoulder. Ashton reached down and gave her ass a sharp smack causing her to cry out. He rubbed the red mark and asked her “do you like that kitten?” “Yes sir,” Cher purred bouncing her ass against him eliciting a groan from Ashton.He gave her two more smacks each time caressing the skin he'd just struck. Ashton was growing impatient and moved his hand between her thighs. His fingers found her opening already wet and waiting for him. “Damn kitten you're so ready for me,” Ashton growled in her ear. His fingers went to work while continuing to suck and kiss her neck which he knew made her crazy. Cher was at his mercy as she felt her orgasm build, but Ashton denied her pulling his fingers away just as she was at the edge.

Cher whined in protest but Ashton just rolled away from her and reached into his nightstand pulling out a condom and a bullet vibrator. He put the condom on before positioning himself behind her. He started slowly entering her, giving her time to adjust to his size, but Cher pushed back against him and rocked her hips both of them moaning together. Ashton used the bullet to tease her placing it on her clit and stopping his hips entirely before pulling it away and pounding hard into her. His other hand was on her breast, at her throat or with his fingers in her mouth. Cher felt herself building up and Ashton knew it too he put the bullet back against her clit and fucked her hard. Cher was getting louder as she got closer and then Ashton denied her again. Pulling out and away and holding her thighs open taking away any chance of finding friction or release.

“WHAT THE FUCK ASHTON” Cher's face was pink with frustration. Ashton rolled her onto her back and held her legs open on his knees looking down at her. “Look at me kitten.”Cher pouted and refused to look at him earning her a slap on the thigh. She whined but Ashton saw the grin she was trying to hold back.“You wanna be a brat? We both know I'm gonna win this, and when I win, you win.” Ashton put just the tip of his cock inside her and didn't move. Cher whined again and tried to move her hips but he had her pinned down. Finally she met his eyes and the intensity was almost too much. Cher smirked back at him and went for the kill. “Please fuck me daddy, make me cum,” she whined, smiling at the look of surprise that crossed his face right before he began to fuck her senseless. Ashton slammed into her holding the bullet against her throbbing clit and Cher screamed from the intense pleasure. He hovered over her fucking her with long hard steady strokes while her nails scraped his back and arms. His teeth were on her skin scraping her jaw, biting her collarbone, grazing her nipples. Cher felt like she was floating underneath him as he brought her closer to climax the build-up intensified by the times he'd denied her until she finally clenched hard around him before finding release.“That's it kitten, come for daddy. Squirt on my cock baby. Fuck that feels so good doll,” Ashton wasn't far behind as Cher quivered from her orgasm. His hips stuttered before he collapsed onto her panting and sweating.

Michael and Luke had been back almost a week before Camille recruited Luke to go on a road trip to run some out of town business errands. Cher had flat out refused to go and Camille knew if Calum came along she'd be distracted and possibly late depending on when and where Calum pulled off the road to fuck in the car. Luke laughed when she'd told him that and agreed to go with her. Luke drove and Camille was the co pilot in charge of music, directions, and snacks. First she was meeting with a potential vendor for The Chelsea, with fantasy season mostly finished Camille had a little time and was unofficially working for Harry. He paid well enough and with most of her current salary tied up in her mortgage, student loans and savings, Camille was stashing the Harry money into a travel fund. Calum hadn't been thrilled when she'd talked to him, but he was getting better about his jealousy. Camille couldn't figure out why Calum was like that, and all he'd ever say is “I don't know, I just am.”

Camille had her 80's playlist and soon she and Luke were both singing along. Camille thought Cher was better with Ashton but she was grateful Luke's brief fling with Cher had led to him being close to Camille. They had a brother/sister bond and Luke could read Camille almost better than anyone, it was a shame his girlfriend didn't like her. Camille shrugged it off, she had a big personality and it rubbed some people the wrong way. Cher thought it was weird, but Summer didn't really come around as much and then they were always in a big group so it was easy to avoid her.

“How are things between you and Cal?” Luke teased her turning down the radio.“I don't want to say because I don't want to jinx it,” Camille grinned at him. “I missed him terribly while y'all were gone.” Luke pouted at her and Camille laughed “I missed you too sweet boy,” and reached over and scratched him behind his ear like she did to Duke. “What's the deal with Ashton and Cher? I'm dying to ask but I'm afraid it'd seem weird.” Luke asked bobbing his head before hitting the high note in Take On Me.“Well, they finally slept together New Year's Eve.” Camille told him.“I knew something had changed. You know he didn't hook up with anyone at all in Australia. He had chances but shrugged them all off. He always says they're no strings, no commitment, no big deal but I think he's full of shit.” Luke replied.“She didn't hook up either,” Camille nudged him.“What about Niall thought they had a thing?” Luke asked her.“They hooked up again but that was before Thanksgiving.” Camille had to think “but these two are so skittish neither will admit they want to be together. I know Cher's history but what's Ashton's deal?”“His ex played games with him. She'd break up with him, fuck another guy then call up Ashton begging him to take her back. She really fucked with his head, then he's had a couple girls he started to catch feelings for but they had agendas. He stopped trusting his own judgement.” Luke sighed. “I know Cher's ex is an asshole, was he abusive?”“Sort of, he's older and met her when she was really young. The sex was good and he took care of her but then he turned on her. Started talking down to her and acting like He owned her, as she got older she got  more independent and he didn't like that. Then she gets these guys that she starts dating or sleeps with and they get super clingy and needy right off the bat. The poor girl snatches souls.” Camille shook her head.“Sounds like what you did to Calum., got any plans for his birthday?” Luke changed the subject before it got too sad.“None that I can tell you,” Camille was blushing “but I am thinking about booking a trip for Valentine's day.”“Don't do that,” Luke cut her off “I can't say anything but don't do that. Is this the exit?”  

It took about twenty minutes for the distillery partners to annoy Camille to the point where she was done. She'd ask question and they'd exchange a little smile like they thought it was too cute she was asking real questions. They kept over explaining things to her with a really condescending attitude. Camille didn't care how good their whiskey was it couldn't be worth the hassle of dealing with these assholes. She cut the meeting a bit short, but they didn't seem bothered. In fact they were so confident they were getting an order they sent her back with boxes of freebies and an order guide.  Camille took the free booze and called Harry as soon as she was out of there.

With that settled she stopped by her lawyer's office to iron out some details of her new contract with ProFantasySports. Her boss Stephen had moved her up to be the face of the company and this past season had been their best yet. Female enrollment in both pay and free leagues were up over 40% She had the second most successful fantasy record amongst the company behind only Stephen. Camille had created the Holloway scoring system that had been widely copied and all but killed PPR leagues on some sites. She was a regular guest on ESPN and SportsTV, Camille was upgrading to nearly six figures a year plus travel perks for the draft and other major games. Calum had been the one who kept pushing her to ask for more. He convinced her not to let her close friendship with Stephen stand in the way of asking for what she was worth. She couldn't wait to tell him what she'd ended up signing for.

On their way home they passed by a little Tex-Mex restaurant that Camille absolutely loved. Even though they were only 30 minutes from home they were both starving and decided to stop and eat, and then they could get take out for their friends waiting at home. The restaurant was busy so the hostess told them they could wait in the bar until their table was ready.

Cher worked through that morning before Calum and Ashton stopped by with a pizza around 2 thinking she could use a break. Calum had Duke with him and the little dog immediately hopped up on Camille's chair to take a nap. “That's his favorite spot when she's not here” Cher told Calum making him smile.Michael and Crystal came by a couple hours later and they all hung out Cher and Crystal listening to the guys talk about a song they were working on. After that Michael started asking Cher some questions. He had the Vexxed video games and Cher had gotten him some merch from the second games release. She was showing them storyboards from the upcoming graphic novel when they heard a car horn outside.

Cher opened the front door to see Camille and Luke stumbling out of an Uber.“What the fuck guys?” Cher was laughing but a bit concerned.Camille staggered into the house followed by Luke tripping over himself.“Okay, listen,” Camille slurred “I just wanted tacos and then that bitch said we could wait at the bar  and she FORGETS US.”“I'm still hungry,” Luke whined slumping onto the couch and looking up at Cher. “Me too all I've had are chips and tequila,” Camille tried to take her shoes off and almost fell before Calum caught her. Camille face lit up “BABY!” she squealed “Okay never mind no food just Calum looking like a snack.”Calum laughed surprised at Camille's attitude and intoxicated state. “Did you get everything taken care of? Where's the car.”“At Carina's restaurant!” Luke shouted “They wouldn't let us drive home or get take out. Cher bear will you get me some food please” He looked so pitiful Cher had to give in and went to find something for the poor boy to eat.Camille grabbed the drawstring on Calum's pants “Darling what are you doing?” Calum grabbed her hands.“I want to take you upstairs as suck you off” Camille whispered loud enough for everyone to hear.

They all laughed including Calum and Camille blushed a little. Luke spoke up “Camille we all know you guys are always having sex. He won't shut up about it.”

Camille looked worried “I hope he says nice things.”

That made everyone laugh harder and Luke replied “He says you're the best he's ever had and we know you love his cock,” Luke cracked himself up.

Camille sighed “actually it's his tongue, my boyfriend is the pussy eating king right baby?” she said kissing Calum's jaw.

Ashton snorted and reached for his phone to film this but Calum shook his head. “Okay Camille darling let's get you upstairs.”

“That's what I've been trying to do” Camille told him letting him pick her up and carry her upstairs over his shoulder. Calum laid her on her bed and gave her a kiss before getting back up.

“We're not gonna have sex?” Camille was pouting.

“Darling I need to get you some food and some water and I'll be back. Then you're gonna take a little nap, just wait here.”

Calum stroked her cheek and spoke softly. Calum headed downstairs to grab Camille a Powerade and make her a sandwich. Luke was sitting on the couch happily finishing cold fried chicken and potato salad. He smacked his lips and leaned back putting his head on Cher's shoulder. Calum went to the fridge and grabbed corned beef and Swiss, put a little honey mustard on some sourdough bread, and popped the sandwich into the toaster oven.  There was a weird energy in the room that made Calum look up. Ashton was scowling from across the room at Cher and Luke on the couch. Luke was still resting his head on Cher's shoulder and playing with Cher's bracelets as he told the story of his and Camille's day. Cher straightened up when she saw the look on Ashton's face and pushed Luke away gently. Luke caught what happened and was instantly pissed.

“You've got to be kidding me. Are you serious right now Ashton? After all the shit I overlooked between you two and you're gonna act like I'm doing something wrong? You're an asshole.” Luke got up and half staggered half stormed out of the apartment.

Calum was stunned as he looked at Ashton “I have to take care of Camille, this is your problem. You need to fix it.”

Cher was visibly upset and Ashton felt like a total dick. Cher stood up to go after Luke and Ashton stopped her.

“Hey, please don't be mad. I'm a dick but I'll fix this.” Ashton kissed her gently on her nose before running after Luke.He found Luke trying to get in his back door but struggling with the handle.

“I got it Luke,” Ashton reached around and opened it for him.Luke stumbled in to his condo Ashton catching him before he fell. He led him to the couch and got him situated with a glass of water and the remote.

“Thank you,” Luke grumbled still annoyed. “You're still an asshole.” Luke started giggling “I called you an asshole.” More giggling, “You’re a stubborn dickhead who won't admit your feelings, you're afraid to admit you like Cher because she scares you. You never cared the whole time I was sleeping with her why do you care now?”

“I cared then too, I just couldn't do anything because she chose you and not me. There wasn't anything I could do about that. You're right though I'm still an asshole and I'll probably fuck this up just like I do all my relationships.” Ashton sighed.

“So don't be an asshole then, go back over there, she likes you too dumbass.” Luke giggled again. “Will you bring me pizza or food later. I'm gonna go to sleep for a bit” Luke stretched out and turned the tv on.Ashton went back over, Michael and Crystal had left, Calum was upstairs still and he found Cher digging through the downstairs bathroom closet till she found her plastic tub with her nail polishes. “I'm going to paint my toes, pick a color.” Cher told him.

“Red, always red,” Ashton told her confused by her demeanor.Cher nodded and winked at him before hopping up on the kitchen counter and handing him the bottle.

“Please paint my toes for me daddy?” Cher grinned at him and Ashton realized she wasn't freaked out by what happened, she was turned on by it.

@biba3434 @toofadedtofight @babygirlcashton @slimthicccal @kiiiimberlyriiiicker1995 @vfdsstuff @unabashedlymyself

[dreams-of-wings]

Impossible (4/8)

Imagine Billy Hargrove with a Mixed Race/Biracial S/O

Warnings: Racism, swearing, homophobia, homophobic slurs, mild violence, I told you you don’t take no shit, angst.

Masterlist

By the time you get home you’re a mess.

Tears streaming down your face, stuffy nose, and red puffy eyes.

You park your car in the garage today.

You don’t know how the hell this happened.

You vaguely wonder if Billy started it.

When your parents get home they find you curled up in a blanket on the couch, staring off into space.

You tell them everything.

They don’t want you driving your car to school tomorrow, and you agree with them.

Steve, Nancy, and Jonathan blow up your house phone.

They’ve heard everything, and they’re furious.

Steve threatens to smash someones face in with his bat.

Jonathan thinks they all need to calm down and that you should try to lay low for a while.

You didn’t even think you were on anyones radar to begin with though?

Sure Tommy and Carol picked on you, but they picked on everyone.

Nancy thinks you should just let your parents handle it or, if anything, you should tell the principal.

The next day, your parents take you to school.

You get there early enough for there not to be many people in the halls, so you can grab your stuff in peace.

You rush to your first class when you’re done and people start to steadily trickle into the school.

You sit at the back of the class.

Both out of habbit and because you don’t want anyone to take note of you today.

Billy comes in five minutes late and sits away from you.

You don’t really pay attention in class today, you just kinda’ zone out or doodle in your notebook.

Class ends and the trip to your next period is uneventful.

Nancy and Jonathan sit on either side of you.

“Hey, we saw your car yesterday when you were leaving, are you okay?”

Nancy’s voice is soft, like she’s worried she’ll scare you away if she speaks too loudly.

You shake your head without turning to look at her.

“It’s all bullshit, they just want someone to poke at, you shouldn’t listen to any of these assholes.”

Jonathan tries to encourage you.

You nod your head, before zoning out again.

Your next class you have Steve and Billy.

Steve wastes no time claiming a seat next to you.

He glares at Billy as he walks in - positive he had something to do with this mess.

He didn’t.

But he doesn’t know that.

And honestly,

Neither do you.

“Don’t worry about it, we’ll get this shit sorted out.”

He pats you on the back, his voice low so he won’t attract attention to either of you.

Once lunch comes around you go to your locker to leave some books, but what you see stops you dead in your tracks.

Your locker had been tagged.

The same words that were on your car were now painted on your locker door, with the added phrase of, “Go to hell,” and news paper clippings of missing people.

Will’s newspaper clipping from when he went missing is one of them too.

You dropped your books to cover your mouth with one hand and then hugged yourself with the other.

People were watching you.

Some whispering.

Some looking just as shocked at you.

Some muttered words of pity, some of malice.

But you couldn’t hear it over your own quiet sobbing.

Don’t get me wrong, you’ve got a thick skin - it’s not the first time you’ve been bullied for being different, and it probably won’t be the last in a small conservative town like Hawkins.

You aren’t crying because your being bullied, you’re crying because your pissed off and your emotions are overwhelming you.

People who are barely getting out of class start to crowd around you and your locker.

They start whispering, and muttering, and cracking jokes, and what the hell makes them think this is funny?

You go to take a step closer but Steve and Jonathan grab you and usher you away from the crowd, while Nancy scrambles to get the books you dropped.

You don’t even know why you’re being targeted.

Everything seemed to be going so well.

“Aww, poor thing.”

You can hear Carol’s voice over everyone elses.

She and Tommy are standing at the outer edge of the crowd, and you slowly start walking towards them.

Nancy, Jonathan, and Steve are calling your name, but you don’t hear them.

“Why?” You voice is almost too quiet to hear, but Carol and Tommy hear you - and that’s all that matters.

“Why?” She mocks in a nasally voice.

“Don’t take it personally, sweety, it was all in good fun,” she laughed like her saying that was going to fix things.

SMACK

You didn’t even realize you’d hit her till it was done.

She looked at you with a shocked expression - wide eyes, and mouth agap.

“Hey!” Tommy tried to go for you but Jonathan and Nancy held him back.

A string of “Oooh’s” could be heard as Carol came at you.

You were still a bit frazzled, and next thing you knew Carol was within arms reach of you.

“You stupid-”

And you reacted by backhanding her across the face.

“Fuck.”

“Holy shit.”

The redhead tried to come at you again and you readied yourself this time.

The two of you are ripped away from eachother before things could escalate any further.

Steve was holding Carol back.

Billy was holding you back.

“Let me go! Dumb bitch needs to be put in her place!”

You struggled against Billy’s grip till one of the teachers came storming down the hall.

“Hey, what’s going on over here?!”

Nancy, Jonathan and Steve literally toss Carol and Tommy to the side.

Billy and your friends evacuate you from the area so you don’t get in trouble.

You struggle against them till they get you into an empty class room, and Billy releases you once Jonathan locks the door.

“Mother fucking, son of a bitch-”

You storm towards the door, but Billy holds you back again by hugging you from behind, “Woah, easy there tiger.”

“And where the hell have you been?!”

Nancy steps in front of you and puts her hands on your shoulders.

“You need to calm down, if you do anything while your upset it will only get you into trouble.”

“I swear to all that is holy, I will drag her ass, kill her, bring her back, and then kill her lying ass again!”

Steve coaches you in deep breathing to calm you down.

Just want to give your guys a heads up that updates on ‘Impossible’ will be slowing down to about one or two updates a week! Just to help give me time to focus on school, and keep producing work that I can be proud of and that you all can enjoy! Love y'all!

[chroniclesofawkwardness]

Prvi maj

I’m not sure if there’s an exact moment American society became largely soft, or when/if popular perception became that it was.  Maybe the cows got too fat in the absence of lean times. Rich white Americans have always sent those of other colors and socioeconomic classes to fight their wars and keep their peace. All while trying to convince those of us who had to stay behind that those who were doing the fighting were protecting our freedom to keep up with the Kardashians – from the same couches where we watched them struggle to preserve the American ideals of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness —ideals we were taught to revere almost from the time we could walk. For some reason, whenever these thoughts dance in my head, I think of Maggot Brain by Funkadelic:

Mother Earth is pregnant for the third time For y'all have knocked her up I have tasted the maggots in the mind of the universe I was not offended For I knew I had to rise above it all Or drown in my own shit

I’m not suggesting that my generation and the one after it aren't acquainted with suffering, merely that for too many and for too long, these American lives have been too comfortable and hollow for our own good. A strong leader won’t save us, our children, or the children yet unborn. We’ve got to save ourselves. No one can (or should) do it for us. The best reminder I’ve ever gotten of this came on a train ride thousands of miles from home, as I sweat armpit-to-armpit with hundreds of single-serving friends on my way to see a family who lived on a street named after the guy who supposedly discovered of all places, America. The first of May in many parts of Eastern Europe is observed like Labor Day in America. Trains overflow with university students bringing themselves and their laundry home from the big city to the slowly dying villages and towns that speckle the countryside, home to their families and stories of those who’ve left in search of a better life in America, Canada, Australia… Anywhere really. Trains are easily the cheapest and slowest (unless your name is Josip Broz Tito) method of transportation throughout what was once Yugoslavia. Still, I can only speak for the Serbian ones because they alone have come into contact with my senses of sight, smell, touch, taste, and hearing. It was nothing for a train to stop for forty minutes with no explanation from the conductor or engineer. Many of the tracks probably hadn’t been worked on since Tito rode on them in the blue train that carried him around the country after his death on May 4, 1980, his final act as president of the League of Communists of Yugoslavia. Even today, nearly four decades later, I’ m almost positive that if you ask someone of the right age, they’d tell you May 4th should be a national day of mourning. 

I sometimes wonder if the Partizan generation that rose after World War II in Yugoslavia is much like what Tom Brokaw has called the Greatest Generation, its American counterpart. For my money, their biggest similarity between them is that both came to prominence through a set of historical circumstances that could not repeat themselves. I think both generations knew it, too. And those of us who came after them secretly hated them for it, at least a little bit. 

The task of crafting your future is daunting no matter when or where you are, but it’s easier when the other side is in ruins. There’s a reason history is more often than not a victor’s story: There are more of them left to tell it, and if you hear it often enough you start to believe it. Soon, if you’ve drunk enough of the Kool-Aid, you don’t even question it. Just like an inexplicable pregnant pause aboard a Serbian train. It’ s just the way it is. If you’re lucky, in nine months, you’ll reach the end of the line.

If a pregnant pause happened on an American plane, train, or automobile, there would be hell to pay. So many people have grown so accustomed to order and precision that even the slightest inconvenience could be blown way out of proportion if it happened to the wrong person at the wrong time. In Serbia, I imagine they feel the pain no less, but most would greet it with a shrug of the shoulders. This is why none of my single-serving friends on the train to Subotica that day were particularly bothered by having to stand armpit-to-armpit until someone freed themselves from the mass of humanity when the appropriate station finally appeared on the horizon. No one raised their voice in protest of the off-key signing or free-flowing alcohol. I think I was the only one who wanted to punch the guy strumming along with his girlfriend’s Mp3 player on his guitar in the face. Hell, he probably went to elementary school with half the people in our compartment. 

I don’t miss Serbian trains one bit. The relative order and comfort of American public transportation are nice, but there’s only so much a man can take. I’m not suggesting that we need another Normandy or Vietnam to thin out the ranks of the American weak, or that we give them no choice but to forge themselves in battle, as the youth of Yugoslavia had done during the lost decade of the 1990s as their country and civil religion of brotherhood and unity disintegrated. I just think we could learn from a bit of chaos. We’re all tougher than we think, no matter how much we try to ignore, forget, or numb that fact. 

When the train finally made it to Subotica, my fiancée (at the time) and I took a cab from the station to her family home on the street named after the guy who supposedly discovered America. As I write this story today, I wonder if the street has been renamed Indigenous Peoples’ Street – that’s not a knock on them, more of a curiosity – but I quickly remember that in Serbia, it’s far more likely a street will be named after a long-dead Russian poet in a nod to shared Slavic origins, or a long-time janitor in the Ministry of Foreign Affairs, in a nod to sacrificing the best years of your life for the good of the idea of your country. I can’t really blame them for being nostalgic about their past and unsure of their present. Each person and nation carries some of each with them no matter where they are. Resistance to change is only natural. Why should they have to give up their 330 ml beers and learn to have lunch at noon? Polse Tita,Tito (After Tito, Tito) still resounds with those of a certain age.

As an undergrad, almost every time I told someone that my major was Slavic and East European Studies, their immediate follow-up question was, “Why?” Occasionally, I’d get the classic: “What do you want to do with that?” In my early twenties, the best answers I could often come up with was that I knew I wanted to go to Ohio State, I enjoyed studying languages, or the prom-date-on-the-porch story. By my mid-twenties, the stories had morphed into a dream of working for one of the alphabet agencies of the U.S. government. “I knew I needed in-country experience…” We are nothing if not the stories (and lies) we tell ourselves.

Today, I don’t have as many opportunities to speak Serbian, eat burek, or devour ćevapi as I used to. The alcohol doesn’t flow nearly as freely as I walk by the beer and wine drive-thru on my way to work. Usually, I don’t encounter forty-minute delays on sidewalks laid when Gerald Ford roamed the halls of the White House – the part of town I live in is too new for that – but I must confess that when I find myself surrounded by a bunch of the soon-to-be state flowers of Ohio, constructicus symbolicus (the Orange Barrel), I wonder if, one day when I leave for work, the sidewalk I walk on will be completely gone. It already ends at a random spot just beyond my apartment complex – a very Serbian approach to construction – which reminds me of the construction boom I witnessed in Novi Sad from 2008-2011. I wonder how many of the projects for building so many of those apartment buildings just randomly stopped, like my sidewalk, even though the buildings were unfinished and people had already bought apartments in them that would never be completed.  

Sometimes, I think about how I don’t use my degree in the sense that I don’t have a job in my field, and I wonder how my life would be different if I did. If I start to feel sad about it, I try to remember that I’m either tired, hungry or under the influence. If I address whichever of those three it is, I’ll usually be okay until the next wave hits. I don’t have time to feel sorry for myself or regret the choices I’ve made, and I remember how many people I met in pieces of the country Tito once ruled who would kill to have the opportunities that I have. I’m not special; I’m just trying to make the best of what I have instead of worrying about what don’t, which is easier said than done at times, but it’s the only philosophy I’ve found by which you might not drive yourself insane with envy or mad with regret. The people of the former Yugoslavia taught me lessons of survival and resilience. While their country reinvented itself over and over in the history books, they just kept on keeping on, amidst the bombs, the bullets, and the booze. As their world collapsed, they held onto whatever they could, and each other.

If that ever happens to me, or those I love outside of Serbia I know I can handle it, along with just about anything else life throws at me, thanks to a ride I once took on a train. I was not offended. For I knew I had to rise above it all, or drown in my own shit.

[dbtrilogy2]

Kids(1)

Stanley Deleting the text message I block yet another number. Why can’t he take the hint and just leave me alone. Parents are suppose to be loving and caring which is not even close to my birth father. He stopped coming around completely then randomly started trying to come back two years ago. You’d think hearing his daughter tell him she doesn’t want him around anymore give out a clear sign. Looks like I’ll have to change my number yet again. Taking a deep breath I calm myself down. I can already feel my heart beating faster than it should I go on getting myself ready for school.

Letting the last curl fall off my wand I sigh fluffing my hair. I always keep things simple over the top just isn’t for me. The clock on my phone read 6:30 meaning I should be eating right now. Grabbing my bag, new iPhone 7 custom earbuds I walk out my room.

“Get that kid!” Maurice yelled from down the hall.

Maliki was trying so hard to run from him slipping because of his socks. I caught him just as he was about to pass my door. Maurice tackled him making them both go flying.“What are yall doing running around this early?”

“Stanley!”

“Give me my phone you toad! Don’t know why you thought you’d get away from me so easy.” He snatched it out his small hands.

Laughing I pull Maurice from on top of him. “You two got some serious problems to work out. Come on let’s go have breakfast.”

“Your not always gonna be around to save him Stanley. Imma get you when I get back from school.” He playfully pushed his head.

In the kitchen dad was reading something on his laptop mom was at the stove. The twins were in their high chairs snacking away on their Cheerios.

“Morning everyone!” They both looked over with smiles.

“Morning baby girl. Where this ugly kid come from?” He kisses my head then takes Maliki tossing him around.

“He looks just like you Chris if he’s ugly so are you.” Mom laughed setting a plate in front of me and kissing my head. “Mona lets go Julian will be here any minute and if you late I’m kicking yo ass!”

“Can I please get myself together without being interrupted!?” She yelled back followed by her door slamming.

“Did she just-Imma kill her.”

“No no I’ll go get her.” I put on my winning smile stopping mom from charging.

“Thank you Stanley lord knows if she goes to jail we all fucked up cause I can’t take care of all yall lil trouble makers.”

Jogging back up the stairs heading to the room across from mine I knock. The music was sorta loud so I knocked again.

“Uh what oh good Stanley come help me pick one an outfit and two a song.” She pulled me in.

“Uh ok I guess but you know mom was about to come up here and rip your head off right?” Laughing I sit on her bed.

“Yeah I didn’t meant to yell its just I’m so fucking stressed right now I wanna pull my hair out!”

“Your fourteen what could you possibly be stressing about?”

“Have you forgotten what today is!?” She shook my shoulders.

“Friday?”

“Uh no we’re trying out for the cheer team today remember. This is the highlight of my high school life!”

Rolling my eyes I go to walk out. “Hurry up Julian is on his way.”

“Yeah yeah I just hope you remember our cheer!”

Getting back down to the kitchen Julian was now here and playing with Maliki. Seeing me he smiled coming over. “Wassup LeLe.”

“Hey Mona should be down soon.” I sit back at my seat.

“Cool. You know the fair is in town?”

“Oh yeah it was lit last week you trynna go this weekend?” Maurice asked mouth full.

“Swallow it boy don’t talk with your mouth full.” Mom slapped his head.

“Dang it momma you messing up my hair.” He glared getting another slap but from dad.

“Shut up and do what she said. Mona five seconds or I’m coming up there!”

A door slammed and she came running down. “Morning everyone.”

“Mmhm hurry up and eat before yall are late.” Mom said sliding a plate her way as I take mine to the sink.

Julian Grabbing another hand full of grapes aunt Cam started swatting me. “Boy get out my kitchen!”

“Love you to aunt cammy!” I kiss her cheeks. She squirmed only making me laugh more. “Let’s go hoodlums!”

“Are max and your mom coming over for dinner tonight?” She asked picking out my curls.

“I don’t know probably but I’m trynna hit up the fair tonight can I bring your kids?”

“Yes take all of them!” Uncle Chris came in putting a mug in the sink. “And tell Isabel and max not to come.”

“For what?”

“Im taking my wife to dinner then coming home for dessert so they spending the night at your place.” He wrapped his arms around her.

“All of them like Mona Maurice Maliki the twins and Stanley?” My heart started pumping faster.

“Well the first three the others going with Cam parents. I’ll even give them all money.”

“Cool with me but y'all gotta let mom and Max know.”

“That ain’t even a problem but y'all need to be going. Niggas out my house!” He called out.

One by one we walked out the house and to my car. Maurice and Mona fought for the front seat like always. Stanley had ear buds in just walking to the car. I jumped in front of her watching her jump.

“You scared me don’t do that.” She laughed hitting my arm. I open the door for her making her blush. “Thank you.” I held her hand as she got in.

“No problem. Stop fighting over the damn seat and get in the car!”

“Tell mush mouth to get in the back and we can be gone!” Mona yelled pushing Maurice face.

“No tell super forehead to get in the back!” He pulled off her glasses. “Now what four eyes!?”

“I swear Imma stop taking y'all to school y'all can take the bus for all this shit making me late.” I clench my jaw starting up the car. “Either one of you move or y'all lapping up I gotta go!”

“You guys come on just-”

“Nah here’s how this goin.” I get out looking at my watch real quick.

Going over to the front seat I yank them both out then open Stanley door gently pulling her out. I let her sit up front. Mona and Maurice started yelling. Paying them no mind I go back to the driver side getting in.

I dropped off Maurice first being sure to let him know he catching the bus home then head to our school. “So uh Stanley did you wanna go to the fair tonight?”

“Why didn’t you ask me if I wanted to go?” Mona moved up.

“Because I just asked her first and sit back. Y'all staying at my place tonight anyway I was just seeing if she wanted to go then I would ask you.”

She smacked her teeth sitting back. “We had already made plans to go with Sam and Ian.”

“What!? Who’s Ian?” I swerve into a spot.

“Stanley new boo.” Mona gushed getting out. “Come on before the bell rings.”

“Wait since when you got a boo?” I catch up to them after locking up my car.

“He’s not my anything Mona just wants us to be together because in her mind it’ll be cute. Ian is Sam friend.” She rolled her eyes putting her ear buds in her bag.

“Ay Julian over here!” Some of my friends called for me.

“Mona!” Their friend called out.

Stanley was at her locker getting books while Mona was talking. I wonder what that’s about. I went over leaning on the locker next hers. Seeing me she smiled. “What?”

“Why you not over there with Mona and them girls?”

She looked back at them and shrugged. “Their more her friends than mine plus I have to get my things together for class which will be starting soon.”

Looking over her I lick my lips. “True so about this Ian nigga.” She laughed making my heart skip a beat. “You feeling him or something?”

“No…what’s it to you?” She closed her locker smirking up at me.

“Well your my favorite of all these fools so I’m just looking out for you. I’m not gonna let no nigga play you.” I stood a little closer seeing her still blushing. “I wouldn’t let that happen with Mona either but know you.”

“O-ok well uh t-thanks for looking out for me.”

“No problem LeLe. We gone have fun tonight then come back maybe we can watch some scary movies or something.”

“Yeah but we have to have popcorn or something Mona and I hate watching any kind of movie without snacks.”

I was kinda hoping for just us two but Mona being there is cool to…I guess. “Well just get some shit on the way back.” Just then the bell rang. “I’ll see you at lunch?”

“Yup bye Juli.” She smiled and walked off.

A few feet away and she looks back at me. I winked and chuckle as she covers her mouth with her books.

“Ay come on what you doing?” My friends came over pulling me. “What you doing talking to the youngin ain’t she your cousin?”

“Nope.”

So I guess you can already tell I have a little thing for Stanley. I’ve honestly had these feelings for years now. I wanna tell her but afraid she’ll turn me down because she’s my cousin adopted sister and she might consider us cousins to…I don’t.

Mona Almost lunch time just this last class and I can finally eat something. I should be fat as hell honestly with the way I eat but I’ve been blessed. Clare and I were walking arms linked with Stanley in front of us.

“Hey baby!” Ian ran up arms out to her. She ducked him and kept on walking. “Man stop playing me!” He ran after her.

Sam smirked taking me from Clare wrapping his arms around my waist kissing my neck. “I missed you.”

Giggling I kiss his cheek. “I missed you to. We still going to the fair together right?”

“Yup.” He squeezed me making me giggle again.

“Ay watch all that.” Julian pulled him off me pushing him in a different direction.

“Uh really Julian?”

“Yeah better hope I don’t tell uncle Chris on yo fast ass get to class.” He pushed me a little.

“Hi Julian.” Clare waved twirling her hair. “Did you get my uh text?”

“I blocked your number since me telling you stop texting and calling me didn’t get through your head….anyway like I said Mona get to class.” He walked off with his friends.

“Your cousin is so sexy!”

“Uh ew.”

Walking into our classroom Clare and I just laughed all the way to our seats. “I swear my body leaks for that boy I just wanna do so many unholy and possibly illegal things to him.”

“Excuse you miss freak of the week that’s my cousin I don’t wanna hear that shit. Shame on you!” We walk towards our desk and I see Stanley face in her book. “Hey don’t forget about cheer tryouts it’s after school.”

“I know Mona I’ve only gotten at lease five messages about it from you.” I took my seat on her right side. “Hey Clare nice shoes.” She waved with a smile.

“Mmhm thanks. Anyway Mona I’m super excited for you to be on the team since there’s no way you could possibly not get on.” She squealed.

“Yeah yeah me and Stanley have been practicing our asses off for this-”

The teacher gave us a warning. We both just rolled out eyes and wait until she’s not pay us any attention again.

“Wait so Stanley is trying out to?” She turned up her face. “Why that’s not her thing…..I did hear that the chess club is looking for some new nerds for the cult.” She laughed flipping her hair.

“What the hell are you saying?”

“Mona and Clare not gonna warn you again.”

“Ok ok go on.” I looked at Clare then back up front. What is she trying to say? Whatever it is if it’s bad and about my sister she bold as hell.

Stanley may only be my adopted sister but were closer than any blood sisters could actually be. Yeah we are complete opposites but that’s nothing. Nobody can talk about her like that. We held off talking mostly on my part cause I’m low key pissed off about whatever Clare is hinting at. While I’m working she tapped me.

“All I was trying to say is…she doesn’t fit with us I mean look at her. The teacher is teaching….everyone else is paying no attention well most of everyone and then there’s her taking notes and listening.”

“Yeah because she’s not a dumbass like everyone else she’s really smart. Friends or not your not gonna talk about my sister like that.”

“But she’s not your sister. She’s a poor kid who got lucky befriending the right people.”

“Is that what you really think about her?” My foot started bouncing and I clench then unclench my fist.

“Well yeah because it’s true.”

“You got some serious balls to be talking about my family like that and to my face.”

I quickly raise my hand and ask to be excused using the reasoning of cramps. With the way I’m thinking and feeling Clare might not make it home and I will get expelled. When I got a yes I gather all my things.

“Mona what’s wrong?”

“I’m just leaving before I hurt Clare.” I say standing.

“What did you do to my sister?” I heard her voice making me turn back.

“Nothing you don’t have a sister.” Clare shrugged talking all loud making everyone look back.

“Who are you tell me who my family is? You don’t know anything about us.”

“Oh but I know enough. Befriend a wealthy family and get adopted by them making you set for life. I’m sure this was all just some plan made by your drugged up whore mother.”

“Clare your really pushing some buttons you don’t even want to be near.” Stanley walked up in her face. “You clearly only follow what you hear from blogs and nobodies like some lost puppy. If you’d spend more of your time invested in books and learning instead of what I’ve been through maybe things also your grades could be a little brighter.”

Clare balled up her fist standing and that’s when I dropped my things and start putting up my hair. If anything pop off I’m ready!

“I have much more important things to do other than worry about your sorry life.”

“Clearly that’s untrue. So what now your gonna try to beat me up to make yourself feel better? I’ll just go ahead and tell you now I’m not fighting you.” Stanley stood arms crossed.

“Oh what you gonna do call up your bodyguards or something? If it wasn’t for Mona family you’d probably be on your back with eagle legs getting that dope money for momma.” She smirked getting a few chuckles from other kids. I looked at them and they all stopped.

“What did you do Google me I’m not that important like honestly I’m not.”

“No duh.”

“Then why are you so invested in her life? You sound like some psycho.” I chuckled standing close behind Stanley.

“Because she’s a fake and shouldn’t be here. The kids who go here earned their way here unlike this unloved dope child.”

“Where is here Clare? Living a healthy life with a family who actually cares and loves me? Why are you so pressed about that….are you jealous?”

“Of what I got everything you do plus some and all because it’s rightfully mine.”

“Oh you’ve been working for that house those cars for how long now? Your clearly just jealous of our life and want to be her. No one likes a bitter bitch Clare trust me.” I laughed shaking my head getting some laughs. This bitch is crazy.

“Sorry your life sucks but don’t take it out on me that’s just petty and pathetic but then again look at you parents who leave for months without you….being this way is all you know especially since you don’t pay attention is class. Your a lonely soul just wanting love and when you see it in me how I’ve been saved and blessed with someone like Mona and her family it makes you think….who’s gonna save me?”

I swear I love this smartass sister of mine. She is reading this girl like her favorite book!

“I don’t need saving I have everything anyone could wish for!” Clare got closer and so did I. I’m telling you I am ready!

“It’s ok to cry for help but bullying is not the best way to do it that only makes things worst.” Stanley shrugged with a smile. The bell just rang but no one moved. She got her things together smiling at me.

I hugged her tight. “I’m glad we saved you.” Looking back at Clare she still wore her sad pathetic look of defeat. “Talk about my sister again….and I’ll make you cry more than every time your parents leave you. Don’t play with me bitch.”