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aiikawarazu · 5 years

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Hourglass Chapter #19

Title: Serendipity

Rated: M

Summary: Armin fought to prove Mikasa’s innocence, while Mikasa and Eren both tried to find a way to overcome the incident between them, and come to term with their feelings.

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Disclaimer: I do not own Shingeki no Kyojin (I wish I did... then I wouldn’t make them suffer as much...)

- All of this isn't a coincidence

Just just my own feelings -

It was, to put it short, a very beautiful day for winter.

It was chilly still, just several degrees above zero. But Mikasa checked the weather forecast in her phone early that morning before heading to school – and there should be no rain nor snow today. It was, finally, a winter day full of sunshine.

However, Mikasa could feel nothing in her heart except dark, gloomy, out-of-the-mood irony.

"Mikasa! Breakfast is ready!" She heard her mom calling her from downstairs. "Coming!" she answered. But she didn't budge from her place in front of the mirror. Carefully, she took out a hairbrush and started brushing her hair, trying to find any strands to detangle, staring at her reflection absent-mindedly.

Actually she knew, her smooth black strands required no more brushing. She was just trying to put off going to school for as long as possible.

"Mikasa!" Her mother called the second time. Mikasa heaved a deep sigh and put down her hairbrush. She took a pair of fresh socks and started putting them on, taking her time to do it much more slowly than usual. She counted until five minutes had passed. Then she ran down the stairs just as her mother was about to call her the third time.

"Finally," she said. "What took you so long…?"

"I woke up late, sorry," she apologized and took her seat on the table. Her mother had cooked her some eggs, along with fresh vegetable salad. Mikasa began scooping rice into her bowl and grabbed her chopsticks, while Kyoko helped her with two pieces of sunny-side up. "Eat your veggies," she reminded her daughter. Mikasa nodded wordlessly and started digging in.

Truth was, she really didn't want to go to school. Maybe she should pretend that she had a fever. But her mother would know as soon as she checked her temperature.

Mikasa let out another sigh before she knew it. Her mother raised an eyebrow.

"Is something wrong?"

Yes, Mikasa wanted to answer.

If she remembered correctly, a boy just kissed her yesterday.

Out of nowhere.

In the middle of the street, in a public place where anyone could have seen them.

And then, as though not to make matters worse, he left just as suddenly, saying that he 'was sorry' because he 'didn't mean it'. Mikasa didn't know how anybody could have kissed another person like that and not mean it. Was that supposed to be normal? Or was she the one too inexperienced at these things?

She needed answers. But she was too afraid to initiate anything, so she hadn't talked to Eren again since then. The boy hadn't contacted her either.

As a result, she almost couldn't sleep the night. Even now, Mikasa found herself torn in between. Half of her really didn't want to see that boy (she didn't even know what kind of face she was supposed to make when she saw him) – but another half was dying to see him, just to ask what was going on between them yesterday.

She took another deep sigh.

"I'll be going now," she said, finally realizing that the latter side had won. Staying home will only exemplify the magnitude of questions she already had in her head right now – and sooner or later she would have to see him – so why not now?

Mikasa rose from her seat and gave her mother a peck on both cheeks.

"Bye mom."

- The whole universe was different from yesterday

Just just from your happiness -

Mikasa was half worried that she might have run into Eren accidentally in the station. Trying to not make eye contact with anyone, she quickly swept her way past the exit, joining the crowd of students in Shiganshina North High uniform, all heading toward the same direction – up the hill, and past the front gate of their school.

Some students stopped to chat or greet their friends. Others who were walking in groups took their time to walk slowly. Mikasa slipped past a group of male students from 3rd grade – who were discussing loudly about the football game last night – bowed politely to a teacher who stood near the entrance to school building, grabbed her slippers from her shoe locker and quickly left. As she climbed the flight of stairs and took a right turn toward the end of the corridor, Mikasa slightly prayed that her expressions wouldn't betray her when she finally saw him.

Which was, she realized, near impossible.

The buzzing sound of early morning conversation reached her the moment she opened the sliding door. No one uttered a single greeting to her – not even a simple 'hello' or 'good morning' – but Mikasa was used to the silent treatment by then. She proceeded to her table, only to find that her bullies simply didn't take any rest. She stared straight, unblinking, to the word 'TRASH' formed by capital black letters, which glared at her silently from the shiny surface of her table.

Of course. She had come to school too late today – much later than her usual early morning schedule. As a result, she now felt the prowling glances of her classmates on her back, waiting to see her reaction. As if. She wasn't going to ever give them the satisfaction. After a few moments of silence, Mikasa carefully put down her book bag and started the routine – which was slowly becoming like a habit – of cleaning up her table.

Her lack of reaction seemed to disappoint her eager classmates. Reluctantly, they went back to chatting – resuming their previous discussion which was cut off due to her arrival. As she continued cleaning her table – Mikasa felt a strange tug in her heart. It wasn't pain. She wasn't hurt. She didn't care that she was being bullied by the whole school. Surprisingly, what she felt in her heart was pure, unadulterated pity.

She pitied all her classmates, all the students in school who commenced the bullying toward her. They wanted her to feel lonely. They tried their best to treat her like she was invisible, the scum of the earth, like someone who never belonged in their society.

But they never knew. She had felt that way since a long, long time ago. All the time she spent enduring the abuse in her house had made her change, though not for the better. She'd lost track of how many times that bastard of a stepfather had made her feel like a trash. There were countless times when she felt empty – pained, and hurt, she almost thought of taking her own meaningless life. But she struggled, through and through. And the only way she found to keep clinging to this life was to desperately hide her scars, her insecure self, by pretending to be someone she wasn't.

She wanted to be everyone's definition of perfect. Because she knew – it was the only way for her to ever get along with people – to make friends. Had she shown even an inch of her weak and pitiful self to anyone – no one would ever want to approach her.

And now – these people thought that they managed to exile her, made her suffer. They were terribly wrong. Their abuse was nothing compared to her past horror. It was like child's play – it didn't affect her one bit. But of course, Mikasa couldn't bear herself to tell them the truth.

She finished cleaning up her table, and put away her washcloth. Now sitting on her chair, she stared listlessly ahead.

It wasn't that she felt she didn't belong with them now. She'd never belonged there since the beginning.

- I'm afraid, just as much as my heart flutters

Because fate keeps being envious of us -

His chair was empty.

Mikasa tried to keep herself from looking – but found her eyes helplessly darting between Eren's table and the door. A million thoughts were racing in her head.

When is he going to come? Is he absent? Is he avoiding her? Is it because of yesterday? And then…

What the fuck is she going to do if he really doesn't come? She couldn't possibly endure this pain for another day!

She was distracted for a while when the morning bell finally rang – and Mr. Levi entered the classroom for homeroom period. The students rose from their seat, bowed politely to him, and sat back down, waiting for him to make a call roll.

Mikasa's name was the first to be called. She rose her hand. And Mr. Levi went on the next names on the list. One by one he called the student's names to check if they were present. And as he got closer to the bottom of the name list – Eren's chair was still empty.

Mikasa started tapping her fingers impatiently to the surface of her table. If the bullies wanted her to feel pain – this was the real pain. Waiting on him to show up (not knowing if he ever will) was torture, and telling her mind to shut up was even more agonizing. She tried to find other focus, but it lasted only for several seconds before her mind was back to him.

Will he ever show up?

Fortunately enough (or unfortunately), she heard the classroom door open a few moments later.

"'Sup."

Mikasa's body froze. He's here. She couldn't have mistaken that voice.

"Is that how you apologize for being late?" Mr. Levi's steely gaze greeted the boy, as he walked, ever so casually to his seat behind Mikasa. She didn't dare to turn.

"My alarm clock's dead," said Eren, slamming himself to his seat. "And homeroom's not over yet, so – guess I'm safe?"

"Sounds like you need me to get you a new one," Levi remarked, to which Eren replied lightly, "Sure Sir, could you get me a new TV too…? My old one's broken as well."

Several students gasped, probably horrified at how cheeky Eren could be toward a teacher – but Mikasa heard several others scoffed into their textbooks to hide their laughter. Levi's cold gaze swept the room, effectively silencing the class. Sometimes Mikasa still got the impression as though her uncle was secretly trained as a humanoid weapon. How else did he learn to give such cold, murdering gaze?

"And with that dramatic arrival from Yeager – our homeroom is over," Levi said dryly, clapping his attendance book closed with his left hand. "Ackerman, Yeager, report to me once the school is over for your detention duties."

"Yes, Sir," said them both in unison.

The room was once again abuzz with conversation once Levi slid the door closed. Usually, Eren would have reached straight to Mikasa, sitting directly in front of her – just to see her face, her smile, and talk about anything – or nothing – in particular. Today, however, he simply couldn't do it. From his seat, Eren could see that Mikasa had opened a grammar book and was reading intently. He got a strange feeling as though she was only pretending to read the content. But he didn't want to make her face this way.

He lied to Levi about his alarm clock being broken. He arrived late on purpose. As cowardly as it sounded, he really didn't want to face her after the mess he made yesterday. Hell, he didn't even know how to explain himself – or to apologize. He just kissed her. And left.

Kissed her and left! It sounded even worse every time he repeated it inside his head. He cringed every time his memories brought the fresh details of the events yesterday afternoon vividly. She was warm, and fragrant, and her lips were so… soft. Damn it. He was such a goddamn pervert! But seeing her in front of him now – her back to him, ever so calmly reading her book while he could see glimpses of her profile and her delicate shoulders – really didn't help him erase that memory.

His face burned. The heat was severe, he almost thought he had a fever. Hopelessly, he buried his face in his palms.

He just wanted today to pass quickly.

- I am just as afraid as you are

When you see me, when you touch me -

"Ayako, I need to talk to you about something," Mikasa said as soon as the bell rang, marking the start of lunch break. The brown-haired girl stared at her friend curiously. Mikasa really didn't seem like her usual composed self. She looked… urgent. Like she might explode if she had to wait another second before spilling her thoughts.

"Sure," said Ayako. "I'll just go grab something from the cafeteria for my lunch, and then let's head to Home Economics lab to meet with the others."

"NO," Mikasa pressed. Her tone caused Ayako to raise her eyebrows a bit. "Er… just today, I don't want to have lunch with the others. Let's have lunch, just the two of us."

"Okay… then let's buy something and eat our lunch here."

"No," Mikasa said again. "Let's have our lunch… outside."

To Mikasa's surprise, Ayako really didn't complain about her idea of having their lunch outside, in the garden, although the weather was freezing cold.

"Y-y-you'd better explain," Ayako's teeth started clattering. She was desperately holding her warm canned coffee with one hand and grabbing her pocket heater with the other hand to stop the cold from creeping in. "Before us both caught h-hypothermia for standing here too long in the cold."

"I'm sorry," Mikasa said automatically. She kind of felt bad toward her friend, but she really didn't want to risk anyone eavesdropping on their conversation. Thankfully, the garden was deserted (absolutely, because no one in their sane mind would have wanted to go outside in this cold).

"Why are we not having lunch with Yeager and Armin? Did something happen again between you and Yeager? I think I'm starting to get used to it," said Ayako, trying to keep her tone from being too sarcastic.

"No, it's just that… I have something I need to talk to you… privately."

Ayako looked curious. "And Yeager and Armin absolutely can't know about this? Wonder what's so important."

"That's why I'm telling you now. Ayako… I know you have more experience than me about boys…," Mikasa's intro caused Ayako to raise her eyebrows again, not quite following her friend's point. "And umm… I just wanted to ask…" for a moment Mikasa was uncomfortably playing with her fingers, clasping and unclasping them again, trying to arrange her thoughts into something comprehensible.

Waiting on her friend to finish her sentence, Ayako clicked open her canned coffee, and started sipping it. Her curious light brown eyes were on Mikasa all the while – trying to guess where the black-haired girl might have wanted to go with the topic of their conversation.

"Can boys really kiss someone without meaning to do it?"

Ayako almost spit her coffee. She was coughing rigorously for a few seconds – Mikasa patting her back all the while – as she tried to regain her train of thoughts. Whatever Ayako had expected Mikasa to say - she totally did not expect this question.

"That depends," Ayako said, after her coughing fits had passed. Cough cough. "I think they certainly can. Even I kissed a lot of people without really meaning it. Sometimes just because I was bored, or because I was curious how it would feel like. But then that's that – like you said, there really was no meaning to it." Mikasa's expression suddenly turned grim.

"I see, then," she said flatly.

Mikasa really didn't seem happy, that Ayako had to ask her what was going on. After a while, the former finally started again.

"Say you… say you know a boy. Just imagine that you have this boy you're really close with – but he's not your boyfriend."

This was getting weirder, but Ayako said nothing. She nodded. "Okay, done."

"Then," Mikasa continued, "One day this boy just… suddenly kissed you, out of nowhere. You were surprised, and it looked like he was surprised too. But then he left, saying he was sorry. He said he didn't mean the kiss." Mikasa paused. Ayako still stared at her strangely.

"What do you think it's supposed to mean? Was it just a one-time thing? Or… was… I mean, could there be any other meaning to it – to that kiss…?"

For a long while, Ayako stood without uttering any response. Mikasa's story went from weird to downright bizarre in a matter of seconds – and she was left with connecting the dots.

"Wait," said Ayako, trying to slowly shed some light in her friend's story. "Are you saying that a boy kissed you…."

"Not me," Mikasa protested, "It was my… my friend."

"Okay, so your friend was kissed by a boy who said that he didn't mean the kiss."

"Yes."

"And he said he was sorry?"

Mikasa nodded.

"And… what happened after that?"

"Nothing. The boy didn't say anything to her at all after the incident, and she was too afraid to ask so that's why – that's why I'm asking you right now." Mikasa flushed slightly at the end of her sentence, so she turned away quickly before Ayako could see her.

Ayako processed the facts in her head for a while before asking, "Were there feelings involved?"

Mikasa didn't answer, only her face was turning slowly - into a more obvious red.

"I don't know," she said finally. "He might be tipsy or something, or just lost in the spur of the moment. He might just have a slip-up, or like you said, just wanted to try something different. That might be why he –"

"Did Yeager kiss you yesterday?" Ayako asked. It was kind of a lucky guess, but she learned the truth the moment her friend's expression change from bemused to mildly shocked.

"Oh My God!" she squealed. "I was right, wasn't I? Did you kiss? Did you really kiss? How did that happen…? I can't believe you tried to hide this from me!"

Mikasa sighed, looking into Ayako's grinning face. She totally gave herself away.

"Fine," she said, scowling a little. "You won."

"So it was true…?" Ayako asked, slightly jumping upside-down on her spot, barely trying to conceal her excitement. "Did you and Yeager just… kissed yesterday? How did that happen?"

"We didn't kiss," Mikasa said in a half-groan. "Well, technically it was a kiss, but… Anyway… we were on the way home from school, and we stopped by the convenience store, and we were talking. And then it just – stop squealing, it wasn't like that! It just sort of… happened. But it's more like… he was the one who kissed me. And I was too surprised to do anything."

"Wow."

(Damn it, Yeager)

"And after that, he said he didn't mean it."

"What….?"

(Yeager, you fucking idiot)

"I just… I don't know…," Mikasa covered her lips. She could still feel him. His taste of coffee, and the smell of cigarette – even his soft breath on her skin was too real to ignore, and it's driving her mad. "I don't understand…. is that how boys are…? Can they really kiss someone without meaning it?"

"Umm…" Ayako contemplated for a while. Truth be told, Ayako did know Eren and his previous track records – she knew that the boy have had flings and make out sessions with girls left and right – girls he didn't even properly date. He probably – no, positively – had even gone further than a simple kiss or two with the girls that he dated (and the girls he did not). But Mikasa was unlike any of them. She was too pure, not to mention inexperienced.

And now Eren just treated her like she was one of those simple-minded girls out there. The girls he met at a blind-date events, in a bar, or in a karaoke. The girls he could make out with and bring home and see if he could get lucky with them. That made Ayako even angrier. She continued her inward cursing, trying to remember every single bad words she'd learned and direct them toward Eren. That idiot really couldn't read the circumstances. She didn't know if she should slap him on behalf of Mikasa – or kick him in the groin. She wanted to do both.

"Well – I don't know either," Ayako said finally with a shrug. "If you want to know what he meant – then talk to Yeager. I'm not a psychic. I can't understand his thoughts."

"I don't want to," Mikasa said, half-panicked at the thoughts of facing him directly. "Ayako, I can't. I can't face him. And I certainly can't ask him if yesterday's kiss meant something."

"Wow, Mikasa. For once in a while, you are totally human." Ayako wanted to laugh, but she restrained herself after a close look at her friend's upset face. In spite of everything, Ayako did know Mikasa very well. At this stage, she could see through her friend's mind as easily as though she was seeing them from behind a glass window. Nevertheless, she tried her best to repress further teasing remarks that were on the tip of her tongue.

Because this was such a simple matter. And Mikasa's inability to make sense of things somewhat amused her, if not making her more exasperated. Sure, Eren did make things difficult for her - but the answer was so easy. Mikasa, of course, will still struggle to find answers in matters concerning the heart, instead of the brain.

Ayako decided to give her friend a little extra hint.

"Why are you so afraid to ask Yeager now?" she asked, eyeing her best friend closely for her reaction. She could almost hear Mikasa's brain thinking.

"Why? There's no specific reason but – is it supposed to be normal to just ask him casually 'why did you kiss me'?" Even Mikasa could feel her insides blushing at that prospect. "That sounds silly to me, or even more – it's embarrassing."

"Look here, I can't help you to understand what Yeager thought of that kiss," Ayako continued, rather carefully. "But at least, I can help you to not lie to your own feelings. Or," she contemplated for a few split seconds, "I can help you come to terms with them."

"Come to terms with what? You're not making any sense now."

Mikasa slowly turned to look into Ayako's furtive smile, and immediately, she felt strange. Her best friend looked like she knew something about Mikasa, that she herself didn't.

"Hey, Mikasa. Just… give me your honest answer, okay?" Now it's Mikasa's turn to be confused by how serious her best friend sounded. Ayako heaved a deep sigh.

"Did the kiss actually mean something… for you?"

"For… me?" Mikasa blinked at Ayako's question. "How is this connected? I thought we were talking about Yeager." Ayako gave a tired sigh. Surely, there was a limit to how thick someone could be.

"Summer is going to come before you even realize what's going on with yourself," Ayako let out a desperate laugh, slightly covering her face with one hand. "Or… we will both be rushed to the hospital in a few hours, because we caught hypothermia. Well, I don't want to continue standing here in the cold, so… I'll make this quick. Lend me your ears now, Mikasa," she pulled the other girl closer and leaned forward to whisper in her ears.

"Hey, what the -?" Mikasa tried to pull away, but Ayako impatiently yanked her back, shus-ing.

"Shut up! I'm only going to say it once, so listen carefully." She looked satisfied when Mikasa finally gave her the undivided attention.

"You are…"

- You are my Penicillin, the one who saved me

My angel, my world -

Armin knew something was wrong. The moment Eren stepped inside the Home Economics lab on his own, announcing that Mikasa and Ayako won't be joining them today – Armin eyed him with his typical scrutinizing look. He didn't say a word and nodded calmly at Eren's explanation – of why the two of them were absent - but then, ever so lightly, followed it up with a killer question.

"So what did you do this time, Eren?"

Which made Eren wonder if Armin was actually a psychic in disguise.

"Why do always you suppose I did something?" he asked rather defensively. He hoped he sounded innocent, and a little bit hurt. "Like I said - they just told me they wanted to have girls' time, so they're not coming today – that's all I know."

"You're lying though," said Armin lightly. His blue eyes were tinkling with some sort of wicked amusement.

"I didn't –"

"Your ears are red when you tell a lie," Armin pointed out, grinning. That shut Eren up completely.

Fucking non-cooperative ears.

"So – just admit it," Armin asked once again. "What have you done this time? I have a feeling you've done something stupid again. Don't tell me you're throwing away all your hard efforts to get along with Mikasa until this point."

There was a complete silence, only to be broken later by the sound of Eren clearing his throat.

"Well… like you said… It's just something stupid. So… not worth mentioning." His right hand jumped to ruffle his hair awkwardly – a gesture he tend to perform every time he got nervous. "Anyway – things will be all right again soon. I hope." There was a pause, and Eren could hear his inner self doubting his words.

"Well, they might not, but – I hope they do." He swallowed.

And suddenly, he felt all feverish again.

"Whoa, you're all red," said Armin, stating the obvious. "Are you – are you okay…? Do you want to go to the nurse's office?"

"NO! No, I'm… I'm fine," said Eren, sounding way more agitated than usual. When will that scene stop replaying itself inside his head? When will his stupidity stop slapping him in his face?

And when, just when will he stop imagining the taste of her sweet, soft lips?

He wanted to know if he could ever stop himself from feeling like he wanted to kiss her again, hold her inside his arms, bring her somewhere just the two of them – and make out with her for days on end.

Because that was wrong. That was completely inappropriate of him on almost every moral ground. He wanted her. He'd realized that since the first day he'd known her – although it turned out ugly, because he was too busy stereotyping her with certain people he had met from his past.

He might not like her back then, but still – he was attracted.

It was a complex mix of emotions, really – he wasn't even sure what he was feeling toward her back then. She was pretty and attractive, and that prompted his interest. And then he got to know her a little more – and she wasn't at all like he expected. From then, his interests only deepened with time – until he realized that she had been occupying such a large part of his mind.

When he spotted her sitting in silence, calmly reading her book – he started wondering what she might be thinking. When he knew she was abused but she didn't do anything – the pain in his heart was beyond any physical pain he had ever felt. There was sort of an uncomfortable prick that he felt in his chest every time he saw her then – anger, pain, exasperation, impatience, and all other sort of displeasure that killed him slowly – but the more he felt them, the more he realized that his attraction toward her wasn't a simple feeble interest.

He cared a lot about this girl – about Mikasa Ackerman. Of course, having been through those bitter experiences in his past – Eren knew how disappointment could come from betrayals by the people he deeply cared about. But that didn't stop his feelings toward her. He mistook it as anger once, but it was a strong, burning, feverish passion. It was such an exceptional emotion, slowly consuming and drowning him. The more he tried to repress them – the stronger those feelings came back to him.

If he was to be completely honest, he'd really been trying to keep himself on restraint these following months. Didn't he succeed…? He didn't do anything to her when she was staying in his house. At least, he didn't want her to think that he was taking advantage of her. He didn't want her to see him as such a lowly human being.

But yesterday… it seemed that he's already restraining himself for long enough, that somehow it just… broke.

And he let his desires control him. He succumbed to his wild thoughts. He let himself kiss her, following the very basics of his instincts.

How very very like him, he smirked inside.

"Well, to put it simply," Eren sighed, his head a little hurt from thinking too much. Armin's eyes were still eyeing him closely. "I… lost my control again."

"Okay…?" Eren knew from Armin's expression that his friend needed further details. So he covered his face and sighed.

"I did something crazy."

"Won't be your first or last time at it."

"This time, it's completely crazy."

"Tell me what it is, and I can attest to you then."

"I kissed Mikasa."

He turned to look at his blonde friend. Armin's mouth was gaping slightly, either to protest, or simply because of utter disbelief. Slowly, he repeated Eren's words, "You… were…."

"I kissed Mikasa, yeah."

"You… kissed her…," Armin looked like he had a difficult time pronouncing the words out loud. "And – and how did it go?"

"Well, it was great, obviously. If she ever lets me kiss her again, I'd do it…"

"I mean," Armin interrupted before his friend could go into too many details. "Did she say anything?"

"Nothing, actually. I ran away as soon as I came to my senses. She just looked shocked." Armin said nothing, still trying to digest the facts.

"I – I wasn't thinking right," said Eren, more to himself than to anyone in particular. "I was possessed or something – I don't know. I had a gazillion mad thoughts at that time, and – and then it's just – she was so pretty. It's driving me mad. And the next thing I know, I was kissing her." The more he said that out loud, the more horrifying it sound. Even Armin was at loss for words to say. Once again, Eren hid his face deep between his palms.

"Just fucking say it, Man. I'm an idiot," Eren moaned. A few moments of silence. Then:

"You sure are," Armin shook his head. "A big, fucking idiot."

"Nice to hear you use profanities for once, Armin."

"And I give you a 15 out of 10 rating for your craziness."

"Shut up."

"And now you need to make things right with her again." Armin stretched his hand and patted Eren's back on a somewhat mock concern. "Good luck, I don't envy being in your place this time."

"You little devil," Eren mumbled unpleasantly. "I know you're not sorry at all. You're enjoying this, aren't you?" Armin's grin only grew wider at Eren's words, but the boy said nothing to affirm or deny the accusations.

"I have to make things right with her again – fuck this. I know that! But I just…"

"Don't know how…?" supplied Armin helpfully. "Yeah, certainly it's not like you can just go to her and apologize and tell her to forget everything. That's not how human brain works."

"You reckon she even wants to speak with me after this…?" asked Eren, looking somewhat miserable that Armin decided not to tease him further.

"Well," the blonde boy said carefully. "Let's be honest… I think she's been through even more horrible versions of you – and she still speaks with you. So… I guess it's a yes…?"

Eren looked a little relieved. "You're right," he said. "So… do you think I can just…"

"But still…. You owe her an apology." Eren's face fell. He knew Armin was right. The latter frowned his nose. "You owe her an apology… yet again. I felt like this is a deja vu. I'm sure something similar happened in December…"

"Shut it, Armin," Eren groaned. "You know what, you can be such a little jerk if you want to."

"I think that rubbed off on me from a certain someone I know," Armin replied, grinning in satisfaction.

- I am your Calico Cat, here to meet you.

Love me now, touch me now -

Eren was walking along the corridor between school buildings when a pair of hands suddenly grabbed him and forcefully dragged him aside.

"Ow! Hey! What the hell…?" he protested, but a voice silenced him. "Shush! Shut up!"

"Ishijima?" said Eren, mesmerized. The girl with fluffy light-brown hair was standing beside him, and it was indeed her who very roughly manhandled him. "What's the big idea here?" He rubbed his arm, which slightly hurt from the way she yanked him aside.

Ayako crossed her hands in front of her chest, suddenly looking stern. "First of all," she said. "How dare YOU."

"How dare I what?" asked Eren, confused.

"You know what I'm talking about," was her only reply. She sounded stiff, and from the way her eyebrows taut together, and the look she gave him - it all suddenly clicked inside his head.

"Well….," he said in a long sigh, ruffling his hair awkwardly and staring to the floor. "Yeah. Right. So I guess… Mikasa told you…?"

"Damn smart, "Ayako chimed. "I can't believe you did that to her, by the way."

"It wasn't intentional –" Eren tried to defend himself, but Ayako wasn't listening. She started talking, and her screeching pretty much drowned all of Eren's response.

"You're wrong if you think she's like one of those easy girls you find out there…"

"It's not like that, I didn't –"

"Kissing her out of nowhere like that, come on, Yeager! That could be considered sexual harassment by the way…"

"I didn't… I mean I wasn't… Oh come on, listen to me here!"

"If you dare for one second think that you can play around with Mikasa, then…."

"THAT'S WHY I'M TELLING YOU –" Eren raised his voice over hers in order to be heard. "THAT I'M NOT PROUD OF IT!"

Ayako stopped talking immediately. Her eyes were now focused on the boy standing in front of her.

"What?" she asked, eyebrow raised. "What do you mean… so you're saying... you regret it?" Ayako implored, but Eren shook his head.

"I said I'm not proud of what I did," Eren repeated, not looking directly into Ayako. The girl's look started to turn unpleasant, but Eren continued. "Look, I know I was wrong, I get that. Mikasa's not like those girls, she's not even like you. But I regret nothing."

This put a smile on the other's face – though faintly.

"I thought we're both over that one," she said.

"There is nothing to get over with," Eren sighed. "It was just us both – being bored and – trying to do something different. We only made out once – that one time."

"Yeah," Ayako agreed, "It was really nothing big. I suppose that's why you didn't remember me when we first met in this school." Eren burst out laughing.

"To be honest, I never remember all those… girls I've made out with. There are way too many – names and faces – or sometimes I don't even need names. You know how it is. They just come and go. It's not meant to be memorized."

"Yeah, I know what you mean." Ayako muttered, frowning. "To be honest, I probably don't either. I just do things and forgot." Eren grinned.

"But I was only teasing you that time," he said. Ayako looked up to him, rather surprised. "I actually remembered you, cause of the vibes you gave at the blind date. Your hair was black, much shorter, and straight back then. I got the impression you were trying to sell yourself as a girl with innocent charm. Either way, you were definitely not innocent." Ayako scoffed.

"Neither were you."

"Yeah, I think I was half drunk when we made out," Eren frowned, trying to remember. "Anyway, that's all in the past. I've certainly done… things. But that's before I – moved here and…."

"Before you met Mikasa, I get it," Ayako finished for her, nodding slightly.

"Yeah," Eren stared up to the ceiling, in a desperate attempt to contemplate, "She kinda made me wish I could start over clean. With everything. With her."

"Stop being dramatic," Ayako teased him, and the boy smiled.

"You won't ever tell Mikasa about us, will you…?" Eren asked Ayako, his eyes were still staring at the ceiling, as though there was an invisible drawing there. She scoffed.

"You think I will go so far to hurt her feelings, Yeager? I'd never do that."

"Yeah, thanks," she could hear his smile. "I know you won't. That's why I trust you. I mean… I do want to tell Mikasa about me, or what I used to be. And how I've come to get such a shit rep here and there. Hell – she sure knows I'm not a good person, otherwise I won't be expelled."

When he said the word expelled, Ayako shifted awkwardly in her place. "Yeah, I heard a thing or two about that," she began, and Eren's face suddenly hardened.

"I expect you would. My old school try their best to fend off the scandal, but they can't silence people nor stop the story from spreading. Guess you're afraid of me now…?" Eren forced out a smirk.

"I don't believe it entirely," said Ayako, restlessly playing with her fingernails. "And don't get me wrong – it's not like I'm afraid of you. I got to know you these 6 months and I don't think you're as bad as what people say. Although I can't help but… question if it's true."

"What did you hear…?"

Ayako chewed her lips nervously. "Well…," she started.

And she told Eren of what she'd heard. About him – and how he got expelled. The boy listened to her in silence. When she finally stopped to take a breather, he let out a sour laugh.

"That," he said. "Is not far from the truth. But you didn't hear the entire story. I guess the school did a good job to ensure the most horrible part of the story never goes out."

"And that's the part that you're going to have to tell Mikasa yourself," she said quietly.

"I know," he sighed. "I'd probably scare her away though. That's why I'll wait until I'm sure I can tell her. I've made such a mess of my life."

Ayako leaned on the wall, hands on her pocket, looking at the boy with a rather gentle sparkle on her eyes. "Well… if you think you should start over for her, why don't you do it now…?"

Eren turned her way, looking pained. "Ishijima, I'm not even sure she wants to talk to me right now. Plus I don't even know what I should say to her – to make me not look like such a jerk."

"Just say whatever you want to say. Don't think too much. You know you're not good at it."

"Yeah, right on point," Eren muttered, sounding annoyed.

"I mean…," Ayako tried to slightly revise her words. "That's not my point, Yeager. Point is… the longer you put this off – the more chance Mikasa will slip out of your hand. She might think you hate her – or worse, by not talking to her like this, you're actually giving off vibes that you don't care about her, like you're just playing around." Eren suddenly looked horrified.

"Damn it. You're right." He seemed to be deep in thinking. Ayako didn't disturb her. She observed the boy calmly, but she knew he was taking her point.

"You know what, Ishijima – you gave such good advice sometimes," he finally said. Ayako looked rather pleased at the compliment. "Well, I am her best friend, after all."

"Yeah. She's lucky to have you – considering how her other best friend turned out to be."

"Actually, that's my second point," said Ayako, suddenly looking serious. "I and Armin have decided that we're going to catch them in action."

"Them who…?" Eren blinked.

"Nanako, of course. And her accomplice."

"What, she has an accomplice?"

"Yes! So we're going to –"

"And you've found this accomplice already?"

"Yeager, one more interruption from you, I'm going to cut your balls," said Ayako, sending her most dreadful look to Eren.

"Sorry, go on," he said, slightly grinning.

"Anyways," Ayako took in a deep breather. "To answer your question, yes – Armin has found her accomplice. He's been hiding in photography club all this time. Most obvious hiding place, right…?"

Eren let out a low whistle.

"So how did you smoke him out?"

"Well, technically, Armin did it – I can tell you later about it too. But we're monitoring him closely now. Armin managed to corner him yesterday, so he's bound to report this to Nanako soon. Things are going to escalate quickly from there. And… that's how you come into our plan."

"I'm all ears."

- The universe moved for us, there was nothing out of place

Our happiness was expected. Cause you love me, and I love you -

(Yesterday Afternoon – Shiganshina North High School, Club Room Building)

Ayako had gone to spy on Nanako. Mikasa and Eren had also left school after their detention was over. It was now Armin's turn to do his part of the deal with Ayako – investigate the photography club.

Saying it was easy, but executing the idea was way more complicated. He couldn't possibly waltz in to the club room and ask if anybody there possessed a strong paparazzi lens and had been using it to stalk anyone recently. Tactics, he reminded himself. He needed to be tactful, otherwise his target just won't show up. The problem was if he could ever get to fire the right questions, in the right directions.

Thankfully, he had got something up his sleeve this time. It's time to put his plans into action. He wasn't sure it's going to work the way it should, but at least it's better than nothing.

Armin went down to first floor and walked along the inter-building corridors to reach the row of club rooms located in the other building. He stopped for a while in front of the building map – and found that photography club room was located on the second floor. Following the map, he went up the flight of stairs, found the door bearing photography club name on it, and gave it a sharp tap – twice.

Knock knock.

"Yes, come in!" said a voice on the other side of the door.

It's time, Armin thought. Silently, he slid the door open, and made his way in.

"Excuse me," he said. Walking in, Armin had quite an expectation of how the club room will look like. He had imagined it to be somewhat messy – a cramped 30 square meters space where artists constantly meet to discuss and bring their creative ideas to fruition really didn't sound tempting for Armin – especially since he'd experienced the mess he made of his own workstation, every time he produced another piece of art. The more creative he got, the messier he tended to be. He only found the will to clean his room once in a while – and living alone with his grandfather certainly didn't help him becoming tidier. His grandfather didn't care whether Armin left his room in a neat state or in a mess, as long as he knew how to take care of himself.

Which was why – Armin was quite surprised to find a bright, airy room with a lot of breathing space inside. The walls were painted white, and there was a mini photo studio in the back of the room, complete with two softbox lightings and a diffuser setup. Armin guessed they must have been doing portrait shoots before he came in here. The mini studio's background was interchangeable. It was set to white, but Armin saw one black screen, and a green screen for special effects. In the farthest corner, away from the door – he saw a closed room with tight curtains. Though somewhat impromptu, that must be the dark room.

Not bad at all. In fact, this room looked more like a professional photo studio rather than an amateur high school photography club.

"Can we help you?" the question brought Armin back to his senses. He looked ahead, to the four curious pair of eyes that were staring at him. One girl and three boys.

"Are you here to join our club?" asked a boy with a serious face and a bowl-cut black hair, stepping forward. He seemed to be their leader. "That'll be the first one in a loo-ong while," said the girl from behind him, grinning widely. She had wavy blonde hair that sported a bob cut, and a cheerful, almost carefree personality that seemed to be in stark contrast compared to her peer. The boy with bowl-cut black hair sent her a sideways look, telling her silently to hold her tongue, but the girl didn't seem to mind it. "What is your name?" she asked Armin.

"Armin Arlelt," he answered automatically to her question. "I'm from class 2-3."

"I'm Hitch Dreyse, but everyone just calls me Hitch," she said. "Class 2-5. I don't believe we have met."

"We haven't," Armin replied. "I came here today just to take a look. I have been doing photography, you see – but I never had anyone to discuss it with. So… I just thought I might stop by."

"Really? What kind of photography are you into…?" said a boy with silver-grey hair, suddenly joining the conversation. He stepped up toward Armin from the corner of the room. "I did a little bit of street photography," said Armin. "But mostly… I just photographed anything that caught my interest. Here is my portfolio, if you want to see." He pulled out a clear folder from his bag, filled with photographs taken, not by him, but by his friend. Armin didn't do photography of course, that was just his cover. His friend didn't ask him why Armin would want to take home some of his photo prints, and Armin didn't tell either. Some things better remained undisclosed.

The boy with the silver-grey hair leaned in closer with interest, reaching out to grab the pack of photographs from Armin's hand. "You have talent," he said, after examining the photographs closely. Hitch, who had been eyeing the photographs from behind his shoulders, nodded too. Armin pretended to be happy and nodded as well, thanking them for the compliments, though of course he knew they would praise the photos. The author had his work shortlisted for display in Shiganshina Christmas Townhall, after all.

"I'm thinking of doing something different this time," Armin began, after the boy with the silver-grey hair returned the photos to him. He raised his eyebrows, eyeing Armin carefully. "What's that?" he asked. Armin inhaled.

"Lately, I have heard people talking a lot about… Telephoto lenses," said Armin, carefully closing in on the subject of his interest. "You know, it is good to zoom in from long distance and… that means you don't need to get too close to the object." He caught Hitch and the silver-grey haired boy exchanging glances.

"Well, we don't deny it," said the boy with the silver-grey hair. "But to be honest… we don't really know much about that kind of lens."

"It has the infamous reputation of being a paparazzi lens, or a stalker lens," said Hitch, shrugging. "Unless you work in entertainment industry and have to take photos of artists, professional photographers rarely use it."

"Wrong, Hitch," said the boy with the bowl-cut black hair, turning everyone's attention to him. "There is someone in our club who uses that lens." Hitch looked lost for a while, but then her face lighted up.

"Oh, you're right!" said Hitch. "Tachibana uses it. But I don't see him use it that often, I kind of forgot about it. He is in the dark room now, but let me see if we can bring him out. Hey! Tachibana!" Hitch knocked on the dark room door.

"What?" said a voice from inside, sounding rather annoyed.

"Hey, we got a visitor! Come on out!"

"I'm not finished!"

"Finish it later then, I know you can be there for hours if we don't ask you to come out."

Nothing can be heard for a while. But then, Armin heard the dark room door click, and it swung open. From beyond the door, a boy with average height stepped out. He would have been handsome, had he not look like someone who forgot to take proper care of himself. His body was thin and fragile, his hair was unkempt, there was a stain on his uniform shirt (probably from coffee), and his face was expressionless, without any hint of smile. His eyes swept the entire room, and immediately found Armin, who gave him a half-hearted grin. "I'm sorry to interrupt your time," said Armin immediately, suddenly feeling compelled to apologize. He knew how annoying it was to be disturbed when he was concentrating on doing something. The boy, though, didn't say anything in response. It almost seemed like he didn't hear Armin. He turned to Hitch. "What is it?" he asked.

"Don't be so tense," Hitch took the boy by the arm and brought him forward to Armin. "We got a visitor. Armin, here is Tachibana – Tachibana, meet Armin." Armin politely bowed and said "Nice to meet you". He could see Tachibana doing the same, out of politeness, but Armin could tell that the boy was dying to go isolate himself inside the dark room again rather than listening to him. Armin tried to shake off his uncomfortable feeling, like was intruding on something, and instead telling himself quietly that this was his chance to dig up the perpetrator. If not now – he might never get another chance. He didn't want to go home empty handed.

"I want to ask you…," Armin began, telling the same story he had told the other three members before, "About telephoto lenses. I've been doing street photography, and my friend told me a Telephoto lens might be good to step up my game, so…"

"I don't have a Telephoto lens," said Tachibana, curtly interrupting Armin. Four pair of eyes stared wonderingly at him, confused by his words.

"But… you do have a Telephoto lens," said the boy with the bowl-cut black hair, sounding more probing than assuring. "Right?" he asked, when Tachibana didn't respond to his words.

"I used to have it, not now," Tachibana answered shortly. Armin felt like Tachibana avoided their eyes on purpose. Hitch raised her eyebrows at this statement. "What happened?"

"It… I broke it. I was careless and it broke down. It cost too much to fix the lens. So I just left it." There was an awkward pause at the end of his sentence. Nobody had guessed this kind of outcome, it seemed. Armin looked around and everyone seemed to be on the same, stunned silence. He sighed deeply.

"That's sad," Armin finally broke the silence. "I'm sorry to hear it. But… can you still give me advice? I'm looking to buy a Telephoto lens and…"

"That kind of lens is expensive," Tachibana finally stared at Armin now. "What are you going to do with it? Normal photographers wouldn't use it."

Armin could almost hear it in his words, though Tachibana didn't say it out loud.

Only stalkers use it.

"Wildlife photography," said Armin quickly. He had prepared a response in case questions like this came up. "I can't get too up close to my objects, or they will flee. I'm going to photograph birds. But as you said, that lens is expensive, so…" Armin locked his eyes intently with Tachibana, "I'm actually looking to borrow. Too bad you broke your lens…"

Tachibana averted his gaze slightly away from Armin, effectively breaking their eye contact. "Yeah," he said, without looking directly to the blonde-haired boy. "I'm sorry. I can't help you." Armin's heartbeat slightly went up. The movement might be subtle, but to Armin, it was the moment he had been waiting for. It was the movement that gave him away. Armin could feel that rush of anticipation now. This must be what hunters felt like, when they waited all day for their prey to show up, and finally spotted their target.

"I have to go back in now," Tachibana said after a moment of silence, politely implying to Armin that their business was over. Armin looked back at him, and saw an unexplainable emotion in the boys' clear dark eyes. He looked annoyed, sure, but… did he also spot fear?

Not being able to say anything else, Armin nodded. "Thank you for your advice. I'm sorry again to interrupt you."

Tachibana didn't say anything as he walked back in to the dark room, and clicked the door closed behind him.

Sorry we weren't able to help you, said Hitch, and she really did look sorry.

Come back anytime you want, maybe we can hang out and take pictures together sometime, said the silver-grey haired boy, who was apparently named Boris. I and Marlowe here will be glad to help you if we can, he pointed at his friend with the bowl-cut black hair, who also nodded. Armin smiled and told them it was no problem, before leaving their club room.

He pretended to go home, but he didn't. Instead, Armin went around and up the flight of stairs of the main building. He went into an empty classroom, where he could get a clear view of the photography club room. His business there was not yet finished. His gut instincts told him that yes, Tachibana indeed had something to do with the stalking incident and the poster, but he couldn't be sure just yet. He needed another one, the last key, last piece of evidence.

It had been over one hour, the sky was getting darker. Marlowe had come out of the clubroom, his school bag in hands, and then Hitch and Boris, but still Armin hadn't seen Tachibana going home. Armin waited, patiently, eyes never leaving the photography clubroom door in case he would miss the target.

Another hour passed, and it almost became completely dark around him. Just as Armin was wondering what he could have done with the low visibility, he saw the photography clubroom door opened, and his target emerged.

Tachibana turned around, pulled out a ring of keys from his pocket, and locked the door. Armin held his breath in anticipation. Now! he could hear a voice inside his head. Now, or you'll never get the evidence at all. Armin stood up abruptly and left his post, pausing slightly to see where his target was headed. Tachibana had turned toward the stairs. Armin bet on the possibility that he was heading toward the school gates to go home. He needed to be quick.

The blonde boy rushed down the stairs, toward the shoe locker, and waited. If Tachibana was indeed going home, he'll pass by this place soon enough. He crouched behind the rows of shoe locker, making sure it was far enough from Tachibana's locker. A few minutes later, he heard footsteps approaching from the inter-building corridor. Armin held his breath and listened quietly. There was a sound of locker door opening, followed by something being put on the floor, and then fabrics rubbing against each other. The person was putting on his shoes. Then it was another sound of locker door closing, and then the footsteps headed toward the door. Armin didn't dare to look, for it might give him away. He counted carefully to ten, then raised his head slightly. He saw Tachibana, just out of the school building – crossing the front yard, and headed toward the school gate.

Now what? Armin thought to himself. He cursed at his own stupidity. There was a good one hundred meters out in the open – space between the building and the school gate – in which his target is walking leisurely in now. He couldn't possibly tail him out there in the open like that. Tachibana would definitely spot him and get suspicious. So he had no choice but to wait, until his target was safely out of the school gate.

Tachibana made a left turn. It was toward the train station. Could he possibly go home by train…? There was only one way to find out. Armin got out of his hiding place and dashed, as fast as he could, crossed the empty front yard, until he was almost out of the school gate, and then glanced to his left.

Bingo.

His target was still there, several few meters in front of him, walking in leisure pace. Trying to catch his breath, Armin considered himself lucky that Tachibana wasn't in a hurry to get anywhere tonight. If he made good use of the shadows and alleys around them, Armin could follow him without a problem. He slightly felt his adrenaline rushing. His heartbeats continued to pound in his ears like drums, despite his best attempts to calm them down. He knew his face was flushing red, because he could feel the heat radiating. Carefully he stepped forward, from shadow to shadow, making good use of the low visibility to cover himself. He felt like one of those spies from suspense movies, tailing the suspect with caution. It could all end up in his favor, or he could completely blow his cover. It was all up to him now.

Armin focused all of his senses into following Tachibana and making sure that he did not get caught, until, at one point, he realized that they were indeed headed toward the train station. Armin sighed in relief. It might be harder to keep an eye on his target now that they were in a public place crammed with people. But on the positive side – now Armin could approach him without arousing too much suspicion. It wouldn't be weird to bump into someone you know on the train back home.

Realizing this, Armin quickly picked up his pace, tapped his commuter card on the gate, and followed his target down the stairways, toward the West Line. Armin's house wasn't on that part of the town – but he could easily say that he was on the way to a friend's house, or somewhere he had a business to. Even if he was suspicious, Tachibana wouldn't be able to verify it.

His target now stood firmly on Platform 5, waiting for his train. Armin made his way, around him the train station was buzzing with the usual commuter noise. Footsteps, mingled with conversations, and people rushing toward different directions, alone or in groups, listening to songs with their earphone, looking straight ahead or down, with face masks on to fight against influenza virus or scarves to protect themselves against cold.

Train in Platform 5 is approaching, please watch your steps and stay behind the yellow line.

Armin knew he only had a few minutes to gather evidence now. He stepped forward, and called out.

"Tachibana!"

The boy turned around. His face changed when he saw Armin. "What are you doing here?" he said, his tone obviously was not friendly. Armin stayed unbothered, approached him, and answered, "Are you taking this train? I'm taking the train after this," he pointed toward the timetable. He was about to mention that he's visiting a friend's house – just like his original plan. But then he got a much better idea. "Mikasa's house is in that part of the town. I'm visiting her. Do you happen to know her…?"

It was there only for a split second, but Armin spotted it immediately at the mention of Mikasa's name. He was wary at best, or at worst, scared. The name had invoked something within him, truth that he didn't want to admit – but he knew he had no choice except to answer – exactly as Armin wanted him.

"Don't know her personally," Tachibana finally admitted, gazing down to the station floor, his tone close to an inaudible murmur. "I heard her name a lot though. She is our model student, isn't she?"

"Not lately," Armin launched his next attack. "Not after, you know, all the posters attacking her." Tachibana bit his lips. Armin watched him closely for his reaction. If Tachibana was indeed guilty, he would reveal it now, in some kind of way. Armin had given him enough push. The next thing he said, or did – would determine Tachibana's involvement in this whole incident. It could be a slip of words – a change of facial expression, or any other nonverbal clues. Lying, hiding, and pretending had never been easy. It was a mental strain on the person. Just like hunting for preys, a liar will leave their traces, their scent along the way. And it was up to the hunter to pick it up. Now, Armin was the hunter, following closely on the trail of his prey.

"I don't know anything about it. What happened?" asked Tachibana. Clever, Armin admitted quietly. He wanted me to explain so he had time to prepare to react.

"You must have not been one for gossips," Armin gave him a slight smile. "Actually, there is not much to tell. Some two weeks ago, someone spread posters around the school, accusing Mikasa of sleeping around with boys. Ever since then, the whole school seemed to conspire in bullying her."

"That is low. I'm guessing someone must be jealous of her," said Tachibana, his tone unchanging.

"That leaves plenty of people as suspect," Armin laughed. "I'm more concerned because… Mikasa told me, the day before the posters spread – that she felt she was being followed. And she was certain someone took her pictures." Tachibana raised his eyebrows, his body stood still and wary of Armin's next words.

"As I recalled…," Armin gave a slight pause. "You know… on that day, I was with Mikasa. I came around to her house, and I was with her when she started to panic." It was a lie, of course. Armin was not there with Mikasa. It was Eren. But Armin did it deliberately to fish him out. If Tachibana took his bait, and accused Armin of lying, then Armin will know immediately that he was there.

But Tachibana remained impassive. He didn't take the bait, although Armin could see colors gradually leaving his face. This was bad. The boy was tougher than he expected. He couldn't be sure. He needed one final push.

"Now that I think about it…" Armin paused again on purpose, pretending to be deep in thought, eyeing Tachibana's reaction.

"Were you somewhere around the area that time, Tachibana? I think I remember seeing you."

Unlike previously, the change on Tachibana's face was instant this time. His face went red and his breathing immediately became heavy as he blurted out, "That is not true!" several decibels above his normal tone, causing several passersby to stop and look. Tachibana seemed to be aware of the scene he caused, because he immediately lowered his tone.

"Don't speak unnecessary things," he said to Armin through clenched teeth. The other boy stood his ground, despite the quiet rage radiating silently from his conversing partner. "If you are accusing me of following her, you…. you are mistaken."

Armin opened his mouth to reply, but at that time, a train came into the platform, howling and screeching, steel against steel, and drowned his words. Several moments of silence passed between them – as Tachibana continued to look closely at Armin with a quiet rage, and Armin attempted to remain calm.

"Don't come near me. I don't ever want to see your face again."

With those final words, Tachibana entered the train, and disappeared from Armin's sight.

- Ever since the day the Universe was formed, everything has been decided

Just let me love you -

(The Day After, Classroom 2-1, After School)

You are…

Don't say it.

You are clearly…

Stop! Stop!

"What's that? A new type of theatrical act?" A sass, crass voice resounded in hear ears, and Mikasa looked up to see the familiar face of Eren Yeager looking at her from beyond the classroom door, grinning. She was about to say something witty back at him, make him swallow his own words, but nothing came out of her mouth. Instead, she just opened, and closed it again, feeling like an idiot.

"You have been squirming a lot in your seat, didn't even hear me calling, did you?" Eren moved in closer and sat next to her in the empty classroom. "You were like this." He covered his ears and began to wriggle around in his seat, like a worm tied by invisible set of strings. Mikasa's face reddened.

"You're joking." She must have looked completely ridiculous.

"I'm not," he grinned. "Is that the kind of thing everyone is into lately?"

"Stop mocking me," said Mikasa, flushed red. "I'm just… I was thinking."

"No wonder. Is that how smart people think? Maybe I should try it, see if it can up my grades."

She slapped him on the shoulders. "Fine, mock me all you want if it makes you satisfied. Jerk," she put emphasis on the last word, which made him grin even wider.

"Don't be mad. I'm just here to offer you a walk."

"To the station?"

"No, to the palace. Of course it's to the station, where else?"

And have you kiss me again along the way and pretend there was nothing about it, like now? Mikasa almost said it, but she quickly bit her lips. Her mind rolled back to the scene just at lunch break, when she and Ayako stood side by side, and she desperately asking her best friend for advice on how to act. She remembered Ayako, clutching her warm drink to stop herself from freezing, and her desperate laugh, at Mikasa's lack of knowledge, and lack of experience.

She remembered Ayako's frustration when the brown-haired girl finally pulled her closer by the arm, and whispered to her ear.

You are in love with Yeager.

Mikasa had heard a lot, read a lot, about blank spaces between memories, a period where human brains completely blacked out and refused to make memories, caused by a total shock. But she had never experienced it herself, never known how it felt like, until that afternoon.

She didn't remember how she reacted to Ayako's words. She didn't remember what she said, or did. It was all a complete blank. When she returned to her memories, she was already sitting back in her classroom, with Ayako by her side, looking very concerned.

"What..?" she asked. And Ayako was suddenly very relieved when Mikasa finally showed some reactions to her.

"Thank GOD. I'm sorry… I'm so sorry…," she chirped, squeezing Mikasa so tight she almost couldn't breathe.

"What happened?" asked Mikasa, lost between her friend's strands of fluffy light-brown hair.

"I'm so sorry, Mikasa… Don't be angry to me…please?"

Mikasa, of course, didn't know what to say. She didn't even remember. But according to Ayako, Mikasa just stopped responding to her – got up, and immediately went back to the classroom. She wouldn't respond no matter how much Ayako called her and apologized. Ayako really thought Mikasa was so angry at her that she refused to speak – and the girl was pretty much in the same state of shock as Mikasa, when she found out that her friend didn't actually do it on purpose – she really didn't remember anything.

Contrary to that, though, Ayako's last words – ones that she remembered, at least – rang again and again in her ears, echoed inside her brain, until at some point she could almost feel like they were tattooed inside her mind.

You are in love with Yeager.

No, I can't be.

How can you know? You've never been in love, her mind spoke again to her, annoyingly, in Ayako's voice. That's why the kiss meant so much to you. That's why you're desperate to know if it also meant something for him too. It all makes sense.

No, it doesn't!

Just stop resisting. We all know it.

"Oi, Mikasa!" Eren gave her a tap on the shoulder. "You're really not listening to me, are you?"

She blinked a few times, trying to bring her mind back to the present. "I'm – I'm sorry," she stuttered. They were halfway to the station, and again she couldn't remember how they got here. Her mind was too busy replaying the scene with Ayako, and fighting with the annoying voice. She needed to stop this. She'd had enough living a day – let alone her entire existence – like this, filled with questions. She had to make sure.

"I – I have a question to ask you, Eren." Her tone was firm. And at that Eren knew, what was coming had to come, sooner or later.

"I know," he replied, unexpectedly managed to sound calm, though his insides felt jittery, like all his organs suddenly were alive and started jumping around. "I have something to say to you too."

It was one of those moments, when they both perfectly knew, there was something unspoken between them. It was one of those moments that Mikasa would call a milestone, one day in the future when she looked back at this memory with some kind of fondness. They both knew what to say, and that they had to say it – they just didn't know how. Mikasa never struggled so much with words until now.

Because the moment she stood facing him, slightly looking up toward his pair of emerald green eyes and his crooked, furtive smile, nothing else seemed to come to mind. She never knew, that out of a billion words that existed in the dictionary for her to use, it could be this difficult to find the right words.

For a few seconds, it started to feel like a recollection of yesterday's event, they were both standing in the street toward the train station, bathed in pale winter sunlight. He didn't smoke this time, but she stood close enough to him that she almost could feel his body heat. She remembered that feeling again, being entangled in his arms, close enough to feel his breath ghosting on her skin.

And suddenly, just as abrupt as the way that memory had invaded her mind, Mikasa felt that it didn't matter. Not now, at least. Because there was only so much words could convey. And this time, words couldn't carry the weight of her feelings at all. It was something beyond words, something that both she and he knew, but couldn't describe. And she didn't feel the need to ruin it.

At this thought, she felt much lighter. Her smile emerged, and Eren was a bit surprised to see her face lighting up.

"Never mind," she said playfully. Her sudden change of attitude, from serious to cheerful, seemed to confuse him. "What?" he asked, dumbfounded.

"I said, never mind," she laughed at his confusion. "Eren, I…. I think I know what you're going to say," she locked her pair of stormy grey eyes with him. He was slightly stunned. "And I think you must know my question too, but… for now… I'm not going to ask you to explain anything. I'm just going to keep it… the way it is. The way it's supposed to be," she thought slightly to herself.

"Some things aren't meant to be explained," she continued. "At least… that's how I feel now."

"You're not…," Eren paused. "Not angry? At me…?"

"If you give me a reason to be angry, of course I will," said Mikasa, eyeing him carefully. "Do you want me to be angry?"

"Of course I don't," he answered before he could help it. "But… let me just say this," he clapped his hands in front of his chest and bowed to her. "I know I was wrong yesterday. I shouldn't have done that. It was extremely, extremely, impolite to you." She was at loss for words for a while. "It's fine, Eren… I told you, there's no need to explain."

"But I want you to know that I'm not sorry," he finished his words. He lifted up his face to look at her, and was somewhat satisfied to find her blushing red. "Next time I will do it properly. I promise."

She could feel her face reddening. How did he find the courage to say such thing, straight to her face, without even a single moment of doubt? But then again, it was very much like him to go after what he wanted, only looking forward, not letting anything ever stop him. It was the reason why she fell for him in the first place.

And, she realized now, that Ayako was right about her.

She was in love.

She had been in love with him, for a long time. She didn't know when, she didn't even realize it. But as she tried to trace her memory back, through both the dark and sweet times, the first thing she remembered was always him. He told her to fight, when no one else would. Pulled her out from darkness and gave her another home, though only for a short while. Sure, he could be a jerk – but there were countless times that she could feel his heart, his warmth. And he left her with a memento – a red scarf now tied securely around her neck. An epitome, and forever a memory, of his warmth. A piece of himself that he left with her.

She inhaled, and, once again, a smile formed on her lips.

"We shall see about it," her eyes twinkled slightly with happiness. Her free hand jumped to play with the end of her red scarf. He returned her smile, grinning sheepishly. Guess he was kind of embarrassed with his declaration, after all.

"So…," they both started, but then paused. She flicked her glance to her right hand side, and he gave a slight laugh.

"Loser pays for lunch tomorrow?"

"Deal," said Mikasa, flexing her muscles. Eren faced forward, ready for what's coming.

"Okay, ready… set…"

"GO!"

And they both raced toward the station, amidst the crisp weather and the last streaks of orange sunlight rays in that winter afternoon.

#eremika #eremika fanfiction #snk fanfiction #hourglass #hourglass chapter 19

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