#like these are just MY interpretations that are entirely and heavily formed by my life experiences and understanding of my identity

[aroanthy]

Besides Anthy what other characters do you are aro- or any kind of a-spec?

All Of Them.

on a more serious note, im very partial to the following aspec readings of characters:

aroace/aroace lesbian nanami; one thing to know about me is that i realised i was aromantic because of two things. the first is that i wrote a 55k word fanfiction about two side characters from the 2005 bbc political satire 'the thick of it' that was basically just me airing my fundamental discomfort with romantic relationships, and the second is watching her tragedy and the romance of the dancing girls for the first time. Yeag.

aromantic nanami is profoundly important to me and i really just resonate with her character on a personal level. like shes so me. i dont get it. i too have convinced myself of all kinds of taboo and 'weird' affections and feelings because i Dont Understand Romance (just as a side note: i understand why some people take the cold turkey 'nanami never considered romantic feelings for her brother!!' reading, but for me personally. i think it's important to consider nanami considering those feelings, specifically because they make her feel uncomfortable, alienated, etc. there's also lots of interesting things to be said about how incest can affirm heteronormativity (and how it can't!! but that's more of a kaoru twins can of worms)).

and there's other stuff but we needn't get into that. i love when other people feel able to talk in-depth about how their personal expereinces shape their responses to rgu, but im not quite at that point with certain things. i do also just really like reading nanami as an aroace lesbian bc i find her connection with utena specifically to be soooooo. gah. delicious. fascinating. devastating. and also i love aroace lesbains they are the best

asexual utena; i just think he's neat :} sometimes i feel hesitant to read characters as asexual if theyre teenagers or if they have sexual trauma and funnily (not) enough, utena is both! having said that, i recently decided 'fuck it' and have been thinking about this interpretation of his character more and more. like, my aromantic identity is partially political, partially trauma-informed, and i feel quite strongly about queerness in part being one's choice to define (or not define) themselves on their own terms, be they 'contradictory' or 'inaccurate' or whatever the hell else.

i also have a fondness for asexual masculine characters. me personally i read utena as butch and transmasc and i think it's really interesting to think about how that queer masculinity can be expressed outside of allosexuality, especially considering what rgu as a show tries to do wrt that matter. dont ask me about my feelings on ikuhara and false dichotomies of love and lust in his works or i WILL explode ok sarazanami is The aroallo show and im soooo normal about it all tbh

i have this kind of vague arospec touga reading that im always knocking about in my head but kind of scared to talk about online because like. it's quite a lot to get into and, as an aroallo person, i dont want to get into discourse about if it's problematic to read a character like touga in that way. bc like. i dont think it is. but that's because i'm basing this reading off of my own lived experience and understanding of what aromantic allosexuality can look like. to be honest, if i really had to stick labels on them (bc labels are a shorthand to me that never fully express the complexity of identity that i want to personally (writer disease)) i read anthy as an aromantic lesbian and touga as aromantic and gay. but normally you would have to waterboard that out of me because im terrified of how people who aren't aroallo respond to aroallo conceptions of like... Anything. lol.

i think the tldr of Why im compelled by those similar readings of their characters is. something about how terrifying and constraining and rigid and incomprehensible and inaccessible romance feels to me as a concept. and something else about how important sex is to me as a concept, and kind of. this radical sex positivity that is so essential, imho, to beginning to unpack the issues baked into our hetero- and amatonormative conceptions of romance and sex, and thus reclaim human connection as we please. blah blah blah wah wah wah body as a bargaining chip or whatever (guy who is mildly terrified of talking about these things for Reasons).

that's it for specific readings i have of specific characters, but i will say that i do find it hard to put myself in the shoes of certain characters if im thinking of them as alloromantic. like i think juri probably is but i dont not understand her conflict with shiori and why it agonises her so much. but tbf, most of my focus on juri as a character is her struggle for self-acceptance and her fascinating gender troubles. funnily enough, that's also kind of how i feel about saionji. they are just both so genderfuck self-hating gay plagued by the power dynamics and i love that for them.

anway yeag :} rejoice, aromanticism be upon ye

[howdoyousleep3]

Rating: Explicit (E) Word Count: 4.7K Notable Tags: Dom/Sub AU, Heavy Power Imbalance, Non-Con (from characters other than Steve and in the past, no major detail), Daddy Kink, Age Difference, Sex Trafficking, Human Trafficking, Submissive Auction, Angst With a Happy Ending, Depressive Thoughts, Depressed Bucky Barnes, Slight Stockholm Syndrome, Crying, Subspace, Blowjob, Face Fucking, Orgasm Denial, Cock Cage, Size Kink, Size Difference A/N: This was originally supposed to be published in the last Kinktober I participated in under my Age Difference day. I've only read one story that was in the Dom/Sub AU and I was so taken with it, it's all I thought about as I wrote this. It's a universe where, kind of like Omegaverse, everyone has a designation of Dominant or Submissive. I didn't dive into it too heavily, but I left it totally up for my interpretation so...don't mind me lol. Compared to what I usually write, this one is kind of twisted and dark. Please read the tags and don't continue reading if it makes you uncomfy. ❤️

Read here on Ao3.

The lights in this room are much more dim than the ones in the showcase room they’ve just performed in. He feels the line of his shoulders relax at the sight, be it merely a smidgen, heart still hammering against his rib cage. His limbs continue to tremble unpleasantly, his head pounding, his hole wet and aching to the point of pain. 

He is used to this happening when he’s used without completion, climax other than his own being robbed from him, when he isn’t used for his purpose. He does as they’ve trained him though— he ignores his tender emotions and his body’s biological signs of unfulfilled submission. 

Bucky barely has half the mind to take in his surroundings, to lift his chin and glance around the room he’s quickly being shuffled into. It almost looks like a study, someone’s personal office or library. It’s deceivingly cozy with its maroon walls and moody lighting, a fireplace lit and in use on one end of the room, bookshelves lining the opposite wall. He’s slow to take in the bed in the center of the room, one that seems entirely out of place yet perfect in this setting, large and cloud-like and luxurious. 

The exhaustive ache that Bucky feels deep down to the center of his being yearns to curl up in the center of that bed like a kitten, to not be roused for hours on end. Instead he’s ordered to his knees on the rug next to it, the command settling unpleasantly on the nape of his neck like they always do. 

He looks down at himself, his nude and flushed form, eyes locking onto his hands bound and curled together in his lap, and he wonders how this is where he ended up in life. 

“Listen to me,” the handler tells him, voice unharsh yet still grating, the command one he’s forced to listen to. Bucky’s never enjoyed his designation, has rarely ever been comfortable being a Sub, but these moments are the ones he hates the most. He despises not having a choice, has a special kind of hatred for being commanded against his will, his body listening before his mind can fight against it. But he’s quick to respond, quick to mumble, “Yes, Sir,” because that’s what they’ve spent the last three months training Bucky to do. 

“You no longer belong to us,” the Dominant handler states without emotion, and even given the circumstances, relief kicks up into Bucky’s chest. “Your personal possessions are in this bag, your Dom will handle everything else once your bond is initiated. If it is initiated.” Bucky flinches. “You understand the reputation we hold here and the standards we’ve instilled in you, yes?” 

Bucky bites out another, “Yes, Sir,” before the handler is done moving purposefully around the room, coming to stand in front of Bucky. He doesn’t raise his head, just as he’s been taught.

“Good. I advise you to keep those in mind once you leave this place. You haven’t been the easiest Sub to deal with, James. I’d hate for your Dom to send you back here because you did not meet expectations. He won you fair and square with the highest bid; don’t make him regret that.” 

The severity of the situation Bucky’s been put in, the past few months, hits him in the solar plexus when he hears these words. He isn’t sure why his brain decides to catch up in this moment, why he decides to feel the weight of the past weeks here at the feet of his handler in the very last moment they’ll see each other, but he feels his chest constrict painfully. His hole aches in waves, mouth watering in preparation for what it thinks is coming, desperate, and Bucky bites back his whimper when he feels his dick wish to fill out. 

He never gets what he wants, what he needs, is always left feeling unfulfilled and purposeless. They’ve had to increase his dosage of meds they give him each day as a result of how affected he has become from touch after touch leaving him emptier and emptier. A Sub shouldn’t live like this yet here he is, having been picked up off the streets and trained to be the best of the best on such evil touches. 

He’s going to be so fucked up because of this place. 

Having been put on display in every possible way in the performance room during his shining moment, he wonders if this is the last time he’ll feel so used and hollow. Will his new Dom continue to leave him feeling so empty? Will he make Bucky do things he doesn’t want to do, use him against his will, take advantage of him and his designation? He feels so low in this moment he can’t see anything but that happening, of being owned and living this life of misery. Surely Bucky won’t survive. 

His handler doesn’t even say goodbye, doesn’t acknowledge Bucky as he leaves, and Bucky hates how much that hurts. He’s once again betrayed by his biological needs, betrayed by the intrinsic need to please and to obey, and even given the piss poor treatment they’ve put him through here, Bucky wishes his handler would leave him with more positive words, with the praise he so desperately craves. 

When he hears the door close behind the Dom, he can’t help the whimper that bubbles up and out of his mouth. 

His eyes don’t leave the floor because no one has told him he can raise his head, and even though he no longer belongs to this establishment, he can’t will his inner submissive to look up. Instead, his eyes lock onto the cage around his dick. He despises this thing. Before he was lured in with promises of a warm meal and an even warmer bed he had only heard of cock cages being utilized in either the most severe of relationships or for fun, no in between. He had never worn one until his training. 

He hates it, has tried taking it off on his own multiple times before his harshest of training had set in. He hasn’t come once during his time here, can barely remember what his own climax feels like. 

“Your pleasure no longer belongs to you, James. Your orgasms are not your own; they belong to your Dom.”

It’s ironic yet devastating to Bucky that all of this training, all of this pain, was pointless. Bucky could be a good Sub for someone, he knows it. He could give the right someone all of the things his training had brought out without the misery he’s gone through for these people. He could give his mind, body, and soul easily over to the right person. This line of thinking shifts into the only thing that brought him comfort each night; the only thing that helped him get the little sleep that he did— 

His Daddy. 

Well, hopefully his Daddy. 

If he’s the perfect man for Bucky, he’ll be his Daddy. 

And his knight in shining armor, this perfect Dom, his Daddy, would come one day to take him away from this hell. That’s what he dreamt about each night, that his Dom, strong enough for the both of them, big enough to easily cradle Bucky’s not entirely petite form close to his chest, would whisk him away from this place and give him everything he could ever need. His Dom that can teach him how to cook his favorite meals for him, his Dom that is patient, his Dom that is proud of Bucky. Every night when he needed comfort to sleep, this man would be the comfort Bucky needed to finally rest. 

Bucky wonders what his Dom is going to be like, what he’s going to look like, but most of all Bucky wonders if he is going to like Bucky. Surely he is attracted to Bucky if he got into a bidding war with someone else for Bucky, if he paid damn near a million dollars for Bucky’s bond, for his life. There is a sliver of hope that the highest bidder’s intentions are pure.

Bucky is so exhausted, right down to the bone, that he doesn’t even startle when he hears the door to the room open once more. He doesn’t lift his head, as he’s been taught, but this time he does it because of the onslaught of nerves that wrack his body. This is it, this is his new Dom, the one he’ll have for life, the one whose bond will be initiated tonight. With one last unmated deep breath, Bucky sends a wish out into the universe for his Dom to be kind, for him to show Bucky the love he’s never been given in life, to love Bucky. 

The sound of steady footsteps reach his ears at almost the same moment a sense of calm washes over Bucky’s being. It hits him in waves, drips down his spine like warm honey, a sensation so pleasurable his chest shakes with his caged sob. His nostrils fill with the scents of cinnamon and vanilla and a bonfire deep in the forest. His eyes well up with tears as he continues to look down at his hands, mind racing in disbelief at his body’s immediate reaction to his new Dom, a reaction he’s not experienced before.

Hope begins to seep into Bucky’s limbs as a pair of sleek, black boots come into view.

“James?”

Oh. 

He doesn’t realize he’s holding his breath until his next exhale comes out as a choked sob. Upon hearing that voice the hope in his body bursts, shatters, into something more fierce, something that has him responding with a quiet and thoughtless— 

“Daddy?” 

He doesn’t look up, doesn’t let his eyes leave the floor, those expensive boots. He feels his hands tremble in his lap, can almost hear them do so. He isn’t given enough time to panic about addressing his new Dom by a title that wasn’t approved by him, wasn’t given permission to use, because his Dom is responding confidently. 

“Look at me, please.”

Bucky’s eyelids flutter upon hearing the gentle command in such a soothing, rich voice, and he takes a deep and shaky breath before listening like a good boy…

And immediately begins sobbing in full.

It’s the faceless man from Bucky’s dreams, he’s sure of it. He has kind ocean eyes, an otherworldly physical presence. There’s experience etched into every part of his being, from his graying hair to the wrinkles around his eyes to the calmness that sweeps off of him in waves. He smiles down at Bucky and it makes him feel like he’s the most precious creature on the planet. 

“Oh, my angel…”

This is the man that is going to save his life.

This is his Daddy. 

With his eyesight now blurry because of his tears, he doesn’t see the hand coming down before it cups his chin. There’s a strength in this grip that Bucky knows will soothe him, hold him, love him for the rest of his life. A thumb swipes at his tears, wiping them from his cheek. He can’t remember the last time he felt such comfort from another human being. Even before he was forced into this facility, through all his sexual encounters, gentleness and softness were not things he experienced. He’s almost forgotten what it’s like, to feel a reassuring touch. 

“James,” his Daddy reverently murmurs, stroking his thumb over Bucky’s trembling bottom lip. “Why are you crying, sweetheart?” 

He swallows thickly, his eyes roving over his Daddy’s face, taking a few seconds to selfishly drink the older man in. His body reacts to its Dom’s presence like it knows its Daddy is finally here, its biological needs taking over all other needs, roaring to life within him. Bucky’s eyes fight to cross when he takes in the size of his Dom’s denim-clad thighs, how he fills out his cozy sweater. His Daddy’s so big. He wiggles his hips where he sits, chin in his Daddy’s big hand. 

“I’ve just…I’ve…I’ve been waiting for you for so long,” is what Bucky ends up saying quietly, sniffling, and his Dom’s smile is slow and sweet, like he enjoys Bucky’s answer. 

“I’ve been waiting for you forever, James.” 

Those words feel like pure sunlight.

But Bucky shakes his head without thought, stops himself abruptly after two shakes. He’s reminded then of his handler’s words, that he was a difficult Sub. He can’t take the risk of being anything but the best Sub. He’s already afraid to lose his Daddy; he has to be good. 

But his Dom has caught his defiance. 

“What is it, James?” 

“Nothing, Sir.” 

His Dom doesn’t miss a beat. 

“No, sweetheart— no lies, no holding back, no unspoken feelings. I always want to know what you are thinking, what your feelings are. So tell me, James. What is it?” 

Christ. Bucky can’t help but sniffle again, unable to get his tears under control. His Dom is perfect. 

“B-Bucky,” he mumbles. “I go by Bucky. I don’t…I don’t like James.” 

His Dom’s smile is warm, his fingers that squeeze around Bucky’s chin reassuring. He repeats Bucky’s name, practicing it a few times, each one sending Bucky melting further into his head and surely into the floor. 

“Of course, sweetheart— Bucky. My name is Steve,” he tells him, and Bucky’s insides warm with more of that sunlight Steve is bringing into his life. 

Steve. 

A strong name for a strong man, a name that belongs to a man that gently commands attention. It’s the perfect name, or so Bucky thinks.

“But you can call me Daddy, Bucky.’

That’s the best name, the perfect name. 

Hands still tied together in his lap, dick still in its cage, Bucky turns his head and nuzzles his cheek into his new Daddy’s palm, the warmth and sheer size of it making him lightheaded. It takes him a moment to recognize that this is the beginnings of him going under, of finding that sweet space within. He’d gotten so used to being forced there, his designation being used against him to put him under, that he’d almost forgotten what it was like to be sent there willingly. 

His whimpers seem endless even to his own ears. 

“Look at that,” Steve marvels from his place above Bucky, voice the most soothing of tones, a sensation in and of itself. He allows Bucky to nuzzle his cheek further into his palm, even as Bucky gives into the urge and desire to press kisses to his fingers. Such a forgiving Dom.

“I knew it the moment I laid eyes on you, that you’d be everything I’ve dreamt of having all to myself.”

Bucky sobs. The emotions that one sentence brings him is enough to beg Steve to not go any further. But Bucky is selfish, he is admittedly greedy. He’s been given nothing while being here, before this. He has continuously poured from a deserted and infinitely empty cup and has been given nothing when his heart, his mind, his body demands it, needs it, in order to survive. 

“Your tears,” Steve murmurs, interjecting his own shared line of thinking. “Are they good or bad, Bucky? Please tell me.” 

A request yet a command. A tender one. One Bucky must answer, is finally willing to answer. “Both,” is what he decides to admit. 

“Both?” 

He nods his head within Steve’s grip. “Yes, Daddy. Bad because…because I am sad for my past self. That I was never given a chance to be good and then said chance was forcefully taken away from me.” Before Steve can speak to those words, Bucky quickly continues. “But good because you’re here…you’re finally here. And I…I get to be so g-good for you.” 

Steve’s exhale is heavy, laced with a sound of pleasure that settles over Bucky’s own shoulders and neck. Bucky’s dick strains against its cage, his mind slipping from himself further. 

Steve sticks his thick thumb between Bucky’s lips and Bucky nearly sobs again, hiccuping around where he purses his mouth.

“You are extraordinary,” Steve tells him and Bucky truly believes it given his reverent tone. “The moment you stepped on stage, I knew it. I’ve been coming here for years. Did they tell you that? Years, Bucky.  I’m their hardest client to please, the one they couldn’t wait to be rid of. Money is of no importance, my preferences vague. Kept telling them I’d know when to bid, when the right Sub would be coming home with me.”  

Bucky sucks on Steve’s thumb harder, grateful to have something in his mouth as his Dom showers him with praise. 

“They even told me they’d go out of their way to find someone that fit what I was looking for, that we could forgo an auction altogether. I told them no.”

His Daddy is so powerful. 

Bucky slips further into his head. 

“Never once did I question myself; I knew you were out there. And when you stepped onto that stage with those legs and that mouth and those eyes…oh, kitten— you were made for me.” 

Bucky sways forward, head dizzy with need and relief curling together, tightly wound. Steve wraps his other fingers around Bucky’s chin, holding him steady. 

“And you’re going to be the sweetest, most affectionate boy for me, aren’t you? This is everything we’ve both been waiting for, isn’t it?”

Bucky nods his head frantically, laps at Steve’s thumb and sucks it into the back of his mouth. 

“You’re going to bring us so much joy through your submission, aren’t you? You’re going to bring us the purpose we’ve been craving. Together.” 

Bucky doesn’t know how to communicate that his feelings are terribly overwhelming, that he doesn’t know what to do with himself because of it. The force of his emotions leave his body trembling where he kneels. If Steve’s thumb weren’t in his mouth his teeth would surely be clacking against one another with the force of his tremors. His head spins in less of the dizzy way he’s been experiencing these past weeks and more in a euphoric way he’s always dreamt it could. 

His body already trusts its Daddy, leaning towards him and into his touch, loosening up further and further. The line in his shoulders softens, the tension in his thighs diminishes. Even with Steve’s thumb in his mouth, the tightness no longer residing in his jaw is obvious. 

Even as Bucky spent his nights dreaming of this moment, weeping for this moment, he never imagined it could be this perfect. 

But then Steve is reaching for his belt buckle with his other hand, the button on his black dress pants, and Bucky wonders if he is in fact dreaming. 

“Let Daddy give you something else to suck on, sugar. You look like you need it,” Steve purrs, reaching into his now open dress pants and pulling out his cock. Weeping nearly as much as Bucky has been, Steve’s cock is impossibly thick and deliciously heavy. It has Bucky’s hips wiggling once more, his vision going blurry as he’s presented with his Daddy’s cock for the very first time. He can’t stop the onslaught of sniffles and weepy eyes as he reminds himself once more that he’s so goddamn lucky Steve waited for him. 

He opens his mouth as soon as that cock is above him, letting Steve’s thumb pop from between his lips, whining as he does so. He can smell Steve from here, his warm scent with an added muskiness to it that has Bucky unabashedly groaning, tongue out. 

And then Steve pulls his balls out too, and Bucky nearly asks to be pinched. 

“Daddy…” 

“Gimme a kiss, sweetheart. Let Daddy feel that precious mouth.”

The moment the fat head of Steve’s cock lands on his tongue, Bucky feels the closest thing to submissive bliss he’s ever felt. It’s euphoric. The taste of him, this Dom, his Daddy, blooms on his tongue, bursts through his being. The taste of his excitement, his precome, forces another ragged noise from Bucky as he sucks Steve further into his mouth, savoring every inch of him. Steve’s thunderous and drawn out groan feels like a climax to Bucky.

“Oh, sweetheart,” Steve exclaims through an exhale, Bucky barely tethered to the earth. “That’s it. Show Daddy how much you’ve missed him, show him how perfect you are.”

In the three months he’s been here, servicing a Dom has not once felt like this. In his time before this, his time on the streets and beyond, he’s never felt solid within his submissiveness. The stretch of his jaw, the hot slide of velvet wrapped steel on his tongue and down his throat, the feel of Steve’s large fingers sliding through his hair; it all brings him a sense of purpose he’s failed to receive all these years. 

And he can’t help but sob around his mouthful. 

“I knew it, I…fuck, I knew you were made for me, Bucky” Steve tells him, voice full of awe and dripping with lust. “I can’t wait to see how far you drop, how far I can push you. You’re gonna let Daddy push you, aren’t you? You’re gonna let him learn all about you?” 

Bucky confirms Steve’s suspicions with another loud, garbled noise around his cock, one of obvious enthusiasm. He’s dropping hard now, wants to tell his Daddy he’s barely holding on, but then Steve’s hands are moving, holding Bucky’s head in place as he pulls his hips back. 

Using Bucky. 

What little headspace Bucky has left reserved for himself is used to marvel at how easily, how purposefully, it was for Steve to step into this role as his Daddy. 

He’d give Steve the world. 

He’ll give Steve whatever he wants, whenever he wants it, all the time. 

This is his life’s purpose now, being used for his Daddy’s pleasure, serving his Daddy. Being owned by his Daddy.

He’s left with no choice but to cry. 

Bucky opens up his throat as his eyes begin to close, leaning forward on his knees, letting Steve fuck his mouth. With an easy and sharp noise, Bucky immediately knows that Steve wants his eyes open and on him. He does just that, looking up at Steve as he sticks his tongue out obediently, moaning at the fullness of his mouth. 

“That’s it, that’s a good boy,” Steve murmurs, voice melting down Bucky’s spine as Steve’s fingers dig into his hair. “You’re so good, you’re already so good for your Daddy. Look at you, look how much you love sucking on your Daddy’s cock. You perfect baby Sub.”

Bucky’s head grows fuzzier, his dick aching, his core aching. He slurps around Steve’s cock but it does nothing to slow the trail of spit dripping down his chin and sliding towards his neck. Steve is a dream, an absolute dream. Bucky needs a communicator, needs someone who will listen and who will talk to him, especially when it’s filthy. Bucky wants to be talked dirty to, wants to experience that side of sex, especially when it’s praise. Especially when it’s from Steve. 

Without warning, Steve kicks his hips forward, a noise akin to a growl falling from his lips, his fingers tightening in Bucky’s hair. It’s a slip of his obvious control, his inner Dom breaking through, impatient. Bucky meets him full force with his own submission, moaning around his Daddy’s cock, showing him he can take it. 

“Yeah, you know what that is, don’t you? Your Sub knows a Dom when he feels one, doesn’t he?” 

Bucky’s whine is damn near desperate. 

“You know how hard it is for your Dom not to take you right here on this fucking floor, sweetheart? Makes me feel feral, the way I want to make you mine. Mhmm, your Daddy doesn’t want that though. Your Daddy wants to take you home, take you away from this place forever. He wants to treat you right.” 

Bucky swallows around his mouthful.

He can feel Steve’s groan all the way down here, down in his toes.

“Here’s what we’re going to do, sweetheart,” Steve tells him, his hands holding onto both sides of his face. He pulls his cock out of Bucky’s mouth just enough to where Bucky can only suckle on the tip of it given the restraint Steve has put him in. The connection of their eyes, the way Steve looks down at him, strikes a chord deep, deep within Bucky. 

He whimpers as he suckles on the big, swollen head of his Daddy’s cock as he listens. 

“I’m going to give you what you want. I’m going to give you my come, fill your pretty belly with it. I have a hunch that’s going to send you right under, which is perfect. You’re so perfect, angel.”

Bucky whimpers again. 

“And then Daddy’s going to take you home. And when we get home, I’m going to give you a bath and play with your little body until you’re nice and loose and ready to take my big cock.” 

Bucky whimpers again. 

“And then I’m going to fuck your little hole until it sends you right back under, until you come all over my cock, until our bond snaps into place and we finally and officially belong to one another.” 

Oh. 

Bucky sniffles as he lets Steve use his mouth, tears trailing down his cheeks and mixing with the spit smeared on his chin. He wasn’t sure if the person who bought him would want to bond so quickly, if they’d want to bond at all. It’s been implied to him since he got here that he was too difficult of a Sub to become bonded. To hear that Steve wants to take him away from this dreadful place, to their home, in order to bond with him is a dream come true. 

It’s what begins to send him under. 

“That’s it, kitten,” Steve pants, fucking himself impossibly deep into Bucky’s mouth. “That’s it, baby. Oh, I can almost feel you slipping from me. Have you stolen my heart already? Have you tempted my bond already, Bucky?” 

Bucky’s vision begins to grow fuzzy around the edges, his mind pulling in on itself, hypnotized by the drag of Steve’s cock in and out of his mouth. In and out, in and out, in and out. Blessedly not rough, but intense and all-consuming. His jaw nearly aches at the stretch of Steve’s girth and it’s— 

It’s bliss. 

Daddy’s hands in his hair, Daddy’s cock in his mouth, Daddy’s praise in his ear, Daddy’s eyes on his face, Daddy’s come on his tongue. 

“Daddy.” 

“You’re mine now, Bucky. No one is ever going to hurt you, never again. I’ll give you everything you could ever want as a Sub and as a boy. You’ll never wish for anything now that I’m your Daddy,” Steve tells him as he shoots off down Bucky’s throat, hands in Bucky’s hair, petting him as he pumps his hips.

His Daddy’s voice is steady and strong, full of promise and love. And as he kneels there at his Daddy’s feet with Steve’s warm come settling into his belly, his Daddy’s cock still in his slack mouth, Bucky finally, finally lets himself sink.

[semi-sketchy]

Alright, since I'm at that episode, I'm gonna elaborate on my actual problem with Dark Sonic:

To be honest, I don't think there's anything really wrong with Sonic during the episode. He's angry his friends have been hurt by a villain, so he harnesses the power of the fake Emeralds (which he has a physical negative reaction to) and smashes said villain's testing robots to pieces.

I never really considered this a problem. Sonic can get angry, be antagonized, the SA2 Shadow fight in Green Forest springs to mind.

Plus, Secret Rings has Darkspine Sonic, which is about as close to Dark Sonic as it gets. Sharha just died, trading her life for his, he absorbs the Rage, Sadness and Hatred Rings and transforms.

Even after he leaves the transformation, he still seems pretty pissed at Erazor Djinn, with killing Sharha at the top of the list.

So, yeah. It's not 1:1 and I'm not claiming these are the same, X is obviously more exaggerated, but I don't really have a problem with the concept. We can talk about how Eggman comes in, tells Sonic he needs to be better and not let his emotions overwhelm him, but frankly I think that's more of an X!Eggman issue than the transformation itself.

No, my real problem is, and always has been, how the fandom interpreted it. That's it. I've read so many fics, seen so many posts about Sonic just "turning dark" when angry, as if any transformations have ever been purely emotion without an external power-source. (Super requires the Chaos Emeralds, Hyper the Super Emeralds, Darkspine was 3 of the World Rings, Werehog was Dark Gaia energy, Excalibur Sonic was the sacred swords, Wisp transformations needed the Wisps, Super Sonic 2 was Chaos Emeralds + Cyber energy....you get it.)

The way I've always saw it, is yes, Sonic is upset, but he also is being affected by the fake Emeralds.

This is the Discotek translation, I don't know enough Japanese to say how accurate it is, all I know know is "warui" means bad/sick depending on the sentence. An older translation (and the English dub) points to him feeling physically sick around them.

Far as I can tell, he's already reacting bad to these Emeralds on top of being antagonized, so he uses power that's at his disposal does what the villain wants: fuck up his shit.

If the fake Emeralds didn't exist, this transformation wouldn't have happened. Additionally, since X ended and the only fake Emerald in the games was blown up in SA2, it can't happen again. (Unless you write scenario where someone makes fake Emeralds, but that requires writing for the form instead of just slapping it in à la characters in IDW.)

Perhaps I'm being too hard on a lot of kids that never really interacted with the source material and just wanted to write Sonic fanfics. I've read so many that made it quite obvious that the author didn't know anything about Sonic besides he's fast and I'm not really out here trying to say Sonic shouldn't inspire people to create. Never said I hated reading those fics, I got a good deal of entertainment out of them. It's simply this misconception has stretched so far, it's like the original context has been entirely erased.

And that's the part of Dark Sonic that bothers me.

I've seen plenty of arguments for why the transformation was a poor choice and I don't entirely disagree with them. For me, I could take it or leave it. It was a one-off short transformation in an anime where Sonic pretends to be Star Trek for a season, it just exists to me.

Although, it's been awhile since I last saw discussion of Dark Sonic, as a whole it seemed to be a bigger thing in the early 2010s. Possibly because now we have more recent Sonic shows and movies, it's not just X being the latest thing anymore. I certainly don't read fics like I used to, so I'd be surprised if it is still as heavily used as it used to be. Maybe if I get some time, I'll look up some fics and find out.

[genderkoolaid]

re: tme discourse. did these people forget about gnc men?? gnc men are ABSOLUTELY affected by transmisogyny despite not being transfem. but that's not convenient for the argument so it doesn't matter (sarcasm)

I mean they literally do not care. The answer to this will always be "that's just misdirected transmisogyny, its not the same". I've seen people claim that homophobia towards queer men is essentially transmisogyny-lite (and the two are connected but imo its about the misandry/antimasculism directed at queer people perceived at transgressing male gender roles, and I have a feeling TME/TMA proponents would Not like that interpretation lmao).

The thing is I do understand part of the use for TME/TMA. In that transfems are the targets of transmisogyny, tend to be the ones most aware of it because of this, and therefore transfem voices should be central to its discussion*. But thats true of every single form of bigotry, and we don't use this "affected/exempt" system for literally anything else. Because its entirely unhelpful to imply that who can be affected by a bigotry is based on their identity. Not only can you be targeted for the wrong reasons, but it can be physically and mentally damaging and occur often enough to be a fundamental part of your life experience. And this is why I mean that "misdirected bigotry" is never used for anything other than possessiveness over being the victims of a certain type of bigotry. Its only ever used to tell other people that their victimization was less harmful and that they do not have a right to speak about that form of bigotry, creating a dichotomy between "real victims" and "fake victims", which alienates a large portion of the people being directly affected by that bigotry.

I try to do the opposite on this blog: while transmascs should be centered in discussions of transandrophobia, I actively encourage anyone to discuss their experiences with it, or antimasculism/misandry, or exorsexism, or anything I talk about! Because it helps us learn more about the functions of bigotry, and creates solidarity between all victims regardless of who they are. People who otherwise would not have had their pain validated (bc they are not in communities where it is addressed in the first place) are helped, and we get so many more comrades in our fight! And we can be open and supportive of non-transmasc transandrophobia (or non-transfem victims of transmisogyny) without decentering transamscs(/transfems) from the discussion.

The reason why creating this victim binary is important for TME/TMA is because imo these acronyms cannot be divorced from the baeddelist idea that transmisogyny is the worst form of transphobia/oppression, and non-transfems are oppressors of transfems... and therefore cannot be allied with, or can only be allied with if they act subservient**. Its fundamentally tied to the idea that other trans people have systematic power over transfems (& the sister belief of "transphobia isnt real its all transmisogyny" and "transfems are the only real trans people"). Which is antithetical to transunity. The belief that transmascs/afab trans people(/maybe amab trans people depending on whos talking about who) have an oppressor/oppressed relationship with transfems should be a major red flag; it's the source of a lot of people's feelings of not having the authority to talk about transphobia or transness in general. It's the source of uncomfortable dynamics between transmascs&fems where transmascs are expected to be differential to transfems and see themselves as oppressors obliged to "give back" to their victims. It's the source of transmascs being told they aren't in danger and have an obligation to serve as human shields for transfems, which puts can put people in real, serious danger.

ANYWAYS. My point is that there is no group you can pull out to prove TME/TMA proponents wrong. Even intersex people are either completely ignored, demonized, or heavily criticized and nitpicked when talking about how this binary is intersexist, and same with black women, despite intersex cis black women being a main target of a lot of transmisogyny. The fact that non-AMAB transfems experience transmisogyny will not do anything to make them change their minds because it can and will always be labeled "misdirected" and therefore insignificant.

*before anyone says some shit: transfems helped create transunity, many transunitist are explicitly following the beliefs of transfems they know and have learned from. anti-transunitist transfems are not the only ones to have valid opinions on how transmisogyny works. stop erasing the work transfems have put into constructing transunity theory. its okay to admit you disagree with transunitist transfems you don't have to act like they don't exist while harassing them off the internet

**no this is not about all transfems. there are many transfems outspokenly against this & many transfems who have been hurt by this. it is not transmisogynistic to address the real, serious harm certain transfems have done to trans people, which (as can be read abt in the link) very much includes abusive behavior towards transmascs which (imo) mirrors a lot of the rhetoric I see online about how "TMEs" should behave.

[beevean]

I saw the post about Shadow having NPD and your comment on it, and I gotta say, it does somewhat bother me how fans will shove multiple neurodivergencies, personality disorders, mental disorders, etc on characters as if those are just funny quirks and not highly serious afflictions that influence entirely how you can live life and how others treat you. Autism and ADHD are the ones I see most commonly used, but there's certainly more. And it's treated as just a goofy little personality trait, thrown onto characters in the way that you would say they don't like raisins in their apple pie or are fond of the colour red because they wear red clothing at times. It truly feels as if there is zero regard for how such a divergency would actually influence character behaviour, nor how it fits in canon, and any "proof" often is cherrypicked or plain incorrect (e.g. "Sonic can never sit still, ADHD icon!!!" What, Sonic who likes taking naps and reading books in the games, and Sonic X as well? Even in Boom he lazed around endlessly!). I'm all for letting people write ND characters, but it does get irking to see every single character be characterised with Fun Buzzwords™️ like that, no matter how unfitting or stereotyping.

To be fair, NPD is not one of those "silly disorders" like autism/ADHD (they aren't silly either but I hope you know what I mean), which yes are assigned like candy to characters who dare to be quirky or a little naive. I do understand why people with it would want to destigmatize it.

It's the concept of "I am/have X so my fave is just like me fr fr" that makes me raise my eyebrow.

Do you really believe Shadow is a narcissist? Where? What symptoms does he display? Saying stuff like "I am the Ultimate Life Form" is not synonymous with having such an unstable ego that you crave praise like air.

But if your reasoning is not based on canon interpretations at all, but it's just projecting... that's not a headcanon to me. That's just you inserting yourself in the character you like. And, to be very blunt, I am not interested in this game, because I don't know you, and you haven't given me any reason to even consider your proposal seriously.

Saying "Shadow has low empathy but a solid moral code" is very different already. I can compare your statement with canon and agree. I don't know if this means he has a disorder, and I wouldn't assign one to him (I mean, my man is already Traumatized and recovering, I think it's enough), but at least you are making something that resembles an argument and invites engagement.

I'd even take absurd statements like "Sonic has low empathy", something I read once. At least it comes from an interpretation of canon, one I heavily disagree with, but it still has more thought put into it than "he's just like me fr fr"

I probably sound like a bitch, I'm aware. I'm not preventing anyone from doing what they want (although please put more thought into assigning autism to characters because enough of you seem to think that any kind of personality means autism and ND people are just empty shells of assholishness). I just personally am very, very bored of this approach to canon that can be boiled down to "I want my faves to be like me", when for me the fun is reading canon and extrapolating from it.

[goldrushenthusiast]

Which The Hunger Games characters :

1. Do you relate the most?

2. Do you think missunderstood by people?

3. Do you want to know better?

Please give reasons for your answers. And you can pick more than one character for each question.

Thank you :)

@curiousnonny

1. Honestly probably Peeta

I’ve grown up with a lot of privilege, same with MOST (but not all) of my friends. Whenever I love someone I have the tendency to hold onto it no matter what. I have a great view of the world, and no matter how much I think I can I can’t really hold a grudge for the life of me. I take pictures of everything naturey, if I could paint I’d be doing it all the time, and in general I think we have very similar senses of humor and outlooks on life in general. Peeta and James Potter have been my top fictional character relations since probably early 2022 tbh.

2. Sejanus & Lucy Gray (this is influenced by Coriolanus HEAVILY)

One thing that’s interesting about these is that while people call Katniss an unreliable narrator (she really isn’t tbh, you get that with a lot of first person POVS), Coriolanus is really the one not to be trusted. Every word in that book, even thought it’s from a third person POV, is stained by his mind. It makes it hard separating characters true personalities in it because they’re so diluted by what Coriolanus wants them to be. Dialogue is the most important part of it, but just the dialogue itself. I don’t think we can trust Coriolanus much after.

For one- Coriolanus sees Sejanus as a bit dumb, like he doesn’t know everything he does but it’s not ignorant, just dumb and not smart enough to realize it. This is because of Coriolanus’ idea that he’s smarter than everyone, so he automatically thinks people who don’t think the same as he does are dumb. It’s condescending and even if he doesn’t notice it, it’s still there. When he’s confronted with the idea it might not be true (Lucy Gray winning, all of her deep discussions) his mind goes through hoops trying to explain it. His bigoted attitude towards district people is HUGE. He automatically thinks that they’re (including Sejanus and Lucy Gray) are less smart than him.

This leads to him treating them as such and seeing through that veil. There are a couple of times where we see Sejanus has a personality beyond pity and self wallowing, where he makes sarcastic remarks & acts like a complicated person. I’ll try not to let my own interpretation of Sejanus reflect too much here because I don’t have much to support it.

As a reader, naturally, we see characters how we remember them, and we remember them based on what’s memorable ABOUT them. You remember Sejanus for what Coriolanus calls “outbursts” or tantrums, so you begin to associate him with those childlike emotions and the idea that he doesn’t really understand what he’s getting into.

It’s why I see this idea - that he’s just a poor baby, who just wants to help - so much from people who’ve only read the books <3 times or so. They don’t remember his under the breath comments and things like that, or the way Coriolanus describes him. IMO, for the most part, Sejanus DOES know what he’s doing (most of the time), just doesn’t think it through entirely. I’ve seen too many people portray him like a himbo, or an idiot, which ISNT TRUE. At all. They only do it because Coriolanus still associates Sejanus with his 8 year old child self and because Coriolanus sees him as lesser, and dumber, which go hand in hand for him.

That was way more than I was planning to write- oops! But the physiological aspects of how we see characters and what affects that is fascinating.

Now, Lucy Gray. Because we see her in a more romantic way, because Coriolanus does, we see her differently, because Coriolanus sees all forms of love (minus obligatory things, like family) the same (I could talk about this FOREVER).

Coriolanus sees Lucy Gray as something he can control and own. Obviously, she isn’t. He also sees her as a bit helpless and needy, which again, she isn’t. She’s been providing for her family since she was 12 (approx). It’s easy to assume she’s very strong, and she handles things well.

Now, the thing with Lucy Gray is that a lot of people think that she never loved Coriolanus, she was just using him, and I get where that comes in. However, I disagree. I think that’s the MAIN off characterization. She was not stone cold and unfeeling, nor was she some badass.

Lucy Gray’s character I actually change my mind about a LOT, because that’s exactly what she does to people. That’s what she’s SUPPOSED to do. It was how she written. She’s an amazing actor, and everything she does (although not on the first read), we start to question. This goes back into our view as a reader & how we characterize characters. She’s memorable because we saw her as Coriolanus did (someone to be helped, with a sad past, and someone attractive), then that view switched. During the first half of part 2, we started to see her come out of her shell and be more fun & rebellious. She still was in part 1, don’t get me wrong, but because Coriolanus didn’t seem to register that as much neither do we, or at least we don’t get the full extent of it until part 2.

In the first half of part 2, because of the shows and the hanging tree, we get more clues as to who she actually is. I think that part 2 is where we really have to consider her personality because it’s 10x as likely she isn’t acting anymore. We also see her past with Billy Taupe, which provides just the right opportunity for Coriolanus (and therefore us) to continue seeing her as someone who needs protection and has ownership.

This is good (ofc not really GOOD, but you get the point), because it really lets us experience the full extent of the SHOCK (the first time reading it) when Lucy Gray betrays him. I’ve already talked lots about why they betrayed each OTHER, and how it made perfect sense for each character, so if you’re interested it’s somewhere on @balladofmyramblings. It’s the one about people getting wrong why the ending was perfect.

As I’ve said before, Lucy Gray values TRUST. It’s why she does go to Coriolanus for comfort after he shoots Mayfair, and why she turns to him. It’s not about needing him, it’s about the fact that now that she’s out of the arena and can trust him & she doesn’t think he’ll hurt her, she can actually trust him. It’s why I think that she truly loved him. Remember, Coriolanus is also affected by his view of himself. We’re annoyed with him and know he doesn’t view Lucy Gray well because we know him. But he’s a good actor, and it’s vibes that Lucy Gray must go off of. Their purest stage of their relationship was during the first half of part 2 for sure.

I’d also like to mention Lucy Gray just got out of a toxic, probably abusive, heart wrenching relationship so it makes sense she’s LOOKING for more protection in a partner, even if she doesn’t exactly need to be protected (or owned especially).

Anywho, TLDR, people think that Lucy Gray was more cold and calculated than she was or (but I didn’t touch on this because I haven’t seen it much) not at all. Truth is, she’s a mix of both, and does find comfort in Coriolanus & eventually betrays him in a cold and calculated way.

3. Tigris!

I’d love to see Coriolanus’ rise to power through HER eyes, and know her story, and all that she did. She’s a very interesting character and I’m glad Suzanne made her Coriolanus’ cousin instead of some stranger- it was genius.

Thank you for the question, @curiousnonny, and as always feel free to debate but not argue with me in the reblogs/replies!

[chronicowboy]

i wish i understood media literacy like you guys but i have difficulty understanding any form of media or literacy in general because I have trouble concentrating and when I do I def can't pick up on parallels or any kind of context clues or foreshadowing so after watching this past episode I was kind of sad because I was like ...but what about Eddie. Because I thought Buck was so upset because he wanted Eddie's attention and then I see people have so much hope for Buck and Eddie still and I wish I was able to understand why they have that hope.

hi anon i want to preface this by saying i am by no means a paragon of media literacy, this is all my interpretation but as someone very close to graduating with a creative writing degree and a minor in film my interpretations are very heavily guided by what ive learnt. for me, the reason i'm still so solidly sure of buddie endgame is because of how eddie-central this episode was through buck's pov. buck was definitely wanting eddie's attention this episode, ive written both spec and meta on this if you scroll through my sami rambles tag, but yeah buck was absolutely vying for eddie's attention this episode, that's clear as day in the gym scene when tommy is nowhere to be found (i know he's on the phone but buck wasn't worried about tommy in that scene). i think it's entirely possible that buck is attracted to tommy and is wilfully misunderstanding his own jealousy as being about tommy so he doesn't have to face up to what it would mean to be jealous about eddie with this new information about himself. it's also the fact that buck's bisexual confirmation scene was literally centred around eddie so concretely. it starts with eddie, that's why tommy's there, the middle is all eddie, them gushing about him before they kiss, and it ends with eddie, tommy literally telling buck to call him. another huge factor for me is just how many christopher mentions we got. and especially the one in that final scene, a scene of self discovery giving buck the time to let his place in chris' life sink in and also have it realised by an outsider. i could go on and on and on but i'm tired and i want to go to bed so all i'll say is, you don't need to be media literate for buddie. just have faith in these writers that have crafted such a deep and meaningful relationship and are now crafting such a deep and meaningful arc for buck :)

[subconsciousmysteries]

enneagram is a game, don't overdose, DSM musings

Have a very knowledgeable friend who's sick of enneagram, not the legit spiritualist version of it a la Almaas and before him, but the version where people go around trying to "accurately type" "correctly type" everyone else, including themselves.

she says it's just a social power game and she's literally right. I've never seen any enneagram discourse end constructively. even i've been guilty of misusing enneagram, because there's no natural progression to discussing "my type" "that person's type", other than forcing either others or yourself (or both) to identify with the ego fixations that we're supposed to be transcending.

at best enneagram is something to be picked up occasionally and then rapidly put down and forgotten about for a long while so that you can experience life without the filter of enneagram getting in the way. you can draw profound new insights from personality theories for a very brief window in time before you start overdosing on them and distorting your reality with them. it's like acid / LSD. it's a once-every-few-months drug (at most) and that's assuming you have an eventful life with lots of novelty.

(this goes for any personality framework btw. MBTI, IV, Big Five, DSM personality disorders, are all included)

coz when you try to process life through the framework of personality theories, you start to see everything through the lens of your own confirmation bias very quickly. this confirmation bias leads you to miss essential parts of other people's personalities, which interferes with your ability to form meaningful bonds and connections, on top of causing other problems. and this isn't a skill issue. there is no way around this problem of personality theory distorting reality if you use it too much, because personality theory is subjective by nature. there are no clear scientific metrics to tell you that your observations about other people's personalities are wrong and you need to rethink your approach. Most who try to create these scientific metrics just end up becoming dictators, imposing their personal interpretation of how humans work and who everyone else secretly is onto others, with no objective basis.

the problem I'm describing doesn't just describe enneatards online. it plagues the entire field of psychology which is heavily dependent on personality theories. this is where the endless debate about "is psychology a science or an art?" comes from. as I've talked about before, the DSM is little different to an abstract, interpretive personality type theory. there are no objective metrics (i.e. a brain scan) to confidently tell if someone has a DSM personality disorder. diagnosis is 100% based on observations and reports of your behavior and personality, and how this picture of you fits into boxes arbitrarily defined by some other person. just like personality typing is.

despite its myriad of issues I have to praise the DSM for one thing: at least it has the courage to call a disorder a disorder. It admits that good and bad exist. that there is a hierarchy of morality. unlike personality theories which too often try to pass off dysfunctional traits as "just another type" "just another part of the human experience that we have to accept and cater to uwu" "all personality types are equal".

but you have a lot of people in the psychiatric community who are dangerously changing the way we view disorders. they want to turn personality disorders from rightfully looked-down-upon spiritual ailments, to normalized "disabilities" that deserve to be catered to. they've turned psychiatry into just as much of a moral relativist, narcissist-enabling clusterfuck as online personality discourse is. the type of people who say, "uwu Cluster Bs are valid it's just a different way of being it's not wrong it's not a disorder". "uwu delusions that people were born in the wrong body need to be coddled and enabled" are leading this change.

[atomik-art]

Wait wait wait

Ok so, I was replaying Kirby Star Allies and doing some Guest Star ???? Allies Go! Mode. I got to the fight with Morpho Knight and like...

How did it take me this long to notice the pink hearts that are mixed in with the butterflies after Morpho Knight rises up and disintegrates? I went and checked out the Morpho Knight fight defeat animation in Forgotten Land and the pink hearts don't return for that fight, they’re only in the Star Allies one, which got me thinking... [Ramble below the cut]

The fact that the pink hearts don't appear upon Morpho Knight's defeat in KatFL, but they do appear upon defeat in KSA leads me to believe that the hearts aren't related to Morpho Knight, but rather, whatever soul they absorbed for that fight. In this case, that would be Galacta Knight's soul, which might (??) have some backing?

We learn in Super Kirby Clash that Galacta Knight (in his Dark Aeon Hero fight) is apparently capable of summoning heart spears, heavily implying some kind of connection between him and the Heroes of Yore mentioned in KSA (and that he is most likely one of them, which given his 'ancient' age, is fairly plausible). The heart spears from KSA already seem to be related in some way to the Friend Hearts that Kirby can use in that game with the way that they both resist the Dark Hearts/dark Jamba Heart (the spears are even compatible with the friend abilities as seen when they merge with the Friend Star to form the Star Allies Sparkler). All of this is to say that, because of Galacta Knight/Aeon Hero's connections to Heart Spears and powers related to them (like the friend hearts), and because the pink hearts don't return in the defeat animation after the fight in KatFL, I think the pink hearts that are seen upon Morpho Knight's defeat in KSA are representative of Galacta Knight's soul dispersing alongside Morpho Knight. Which like... has been buzzing around in my head alot.

Like...this legendary warrior who was sealed away out of fear of his immense power, who apparently has the ability to destroy entire planets, who has been summoned and used as nothing more than a weapon, a tool, either for one of the villain's plans or because someone wished to fight him, a character who is often characterized as reckless and violent and a danger to everyone, who is implied to have been resealed countless times but never fully destroyed…the idea that the soul of someone like that, once he is finally defeated and lain to rest, dissolves into pink hearts? Which, in Star Allies, are often associated with friendship (Friend Hearts, Heart Spears, etc)?

I’m sorry WHAT was that again about Galacta Knight almost being considered for the dream friend roster before they decided to exclude remake-exclusive characters? Also with the SKC lore confirming that he used to be some kind of champion/hero prior to being sealed away, that he is heavily implied to have been one of the heroes who sealed away Void to save the universe, that he was 'screaming/howling for life' (which I interpret as begging for freedom/'a new chance at life'), and that he is capable of wielding a power that seems to be tied to positivity/friendship- I just??? This extra detail?? The soul of someone so infamous and destructive, who I think the light novels may have even described as heartless, dissolves into pink hearts upon death- something associated with friendship and love.

This all just further fuels my headcanon that there’s much more to Galacta Knight personally than we currently know. I don't see him as a villain, an antagonist sure, but I don't think he's evil enough to be considered a straight-up villain. Idk, maybe I'm reading way too far into this and it's just a silly lil' detail for Star Allies, but I idk man!! I like to think it has some important significance <3.

Anyway, I have GOT to make some fanart related to those pink hearts representing his soul when I get the chance.

[goreshitrushi2]

weird personal rambling on kizashige

don’t want to talk about this on twitter or anything but I’ve mentioned on there about making a fangame focusing on kizashige and I have been taking that seriously. so I’ve been busy with that but it’s honestly one of the most difficult things I’ve ever tried to work on. 

it’s difficult to put my view on morishige and kizami’s characters into words because my interpretation of them is very personal, I don’t think those interpretations even come through in my art. but trying to write them in this project has lead me to reflect a lot on what I get out of them and corpse party as a whole, and what I have for years at this point. I always got something so specific from corpse party that I’m not sure if anyone else has before (and I’m just assuming here.) it’s cheesy to say I got into corpse party when I needed to, that it’s almost like a coping mechanism for me, an escapism, but it’s true. 

being into a... crack ship? a ship where they interacted like twice? for years at this point makes me look like an insane person, but whatever I got from seeing kizami and morishige as two mentally ill teenagers finding solace in this place where they no longer have to deal with or even revel in the ostracization they experienced in their normal lives means a lot to me.

I make so many jokes about morishige having ocd on twitter that I got an ask about it once. and I had this entire thing written out about how I actually view his whole character more as a metaphor for it-- he ruminates on his actions as part of his internal conflict, and it really resonated with me as someone suffering from “pure o” ocd. but the moment I wrote that, it felt like I was admitting to something so heinous and awful that I couldn’t bring myself to finish that ask. which is just the nature of having ocd. the nature of having a disorder where you question yourself and your morals on a near constant daily basis, and I saw that in morishige really heavily. and delving into those similar feelings as part of my interpretation of him is kind of harrowing.

even kizami, when you grow up with schrodinger’s mental illness with a family who are not prepared to deal with it in the slightest and either see you as a threat for the rest of your life or want to pretend everything is completely fine, it’s honestly really relatable, it’s realistic, and I feel for him a lot. I don’t care about the intention behind his character, there’s a lot of problems I have with it, but it’s not where I want to get rid of it. I would just want to write it differently. I want kizami to reflect on why he wanted an escape from himself through yuka, on him suddenly holding this ideal of taking care of someone, probably because he wanted that for himself deep down. 

they’re both so traumatized. and this idea of heavenly host as this place where that trauma comes out full front and center-- kizami killing all his friends because he just couldn’t ever believe in being accepted by anyone, morishige desecrating corpses as a twisted form of pity onto them-- both acting out through some strange type of revenge against the people around them, either directly or indirectly. all because of the alienation they both felt were inherent to them because they aren’t, and couldn’t, be normal. 

that they allowed themselves to succumb to this, not only reading it as them giving into their darkest desires, a typical corruption storyline, but also reading their character arcs as their struggles with neurodivergency, masking, the exhaustion that results when you’re good at it, and the frustration when you aren’t, only leading them to those breakdowns. it’s a joker arc. and I love it. and I want them to experience it together. I want them to be murder husbands killing other people and each other bfs but it’s also about a mutual understanding from their struggles with themselves and how they’re perceived by others, and throwing away all of that together.

kizami and morishige are already mirrors of each other; where kizami is someone who’s able to present himself as this normal, good guy, is respected and acknowledged by his peers because of it, an honor student with ties to the student council, he’s involved in so much and with so many people. but he hates it all deep down. and morishige being this loner, this loser, who can’t lie, can’t save face, is too honest, and is disliked by everyone because of it. and what does morishige do about it? nothing. nothing but become even more of a judgmental asshole who no longer tries because he’s over it. yet he still complains about his lack of acknowledgement and how he really does wish he could just be in the spotlight. 

whether they could have respected each other for their different approaches, being what the other could be, or just want to go crazy and letting go of that together, I just. it’s cathartic. I wish I could bring that out in my writing. I’m sick of rambling. I wish they were in love. I need to be put on antipsychotics again. 

[will-o-the-witch]

Got here, with a weird question I encountered while contemplating what life for some sheydim characters (doing a reality based urban fantasy of based around my home region, where quite a few Jews happen to be. Not every Jewish character will be nonhuman or supernaturally able, and not every Jewish nonhuman will be a sheyd, but some will be)

Any idea how the whole “Sheydim can’t understand Aramaic” thing works? Is it entirely unintelligible? If so, uh. We have a decent chunk of folks, a few different groups, who speak it, whether primarily or as a secondary liturgical language.

So would neo-Aramaic dialects be out? Or is it only an issue with older forms of Aramaic?

If they can’t understand them. Uh. Zooming out to the rest of the fantastical/magical/supernatural communities of the globe… would sheydim just like. Not live in areas with lots of Aramaic or Aramaic-influenced language speakers? Or are there just parts of the levant where a sheyd may have to ask folks to repeat in Arabic or Hebrew or another language all the time?

Just a weird little logic pothole I found myself in that I keep getting distracted by it. Keep trying to work on one of the sheydim I’m thinking about writing, and wondering what they’d hear or see in place of an Aramaic dialect.

Thanks for your time! I know there probably is no one right answer, but I’m all for ideas. Currently leaning towards “sheydim can tell that people are speaking Aramaic, but what they actually hear is Charlie Brown grownups SFX.”

You might be overthinking it lol. To start, Jewish myth/lore isn't a monolith and there are going to be multiple answers for every question and extraordinarily little if anything is going to be universally agreed upon. One thing I can say though is that typically sheydim are often considered to be literally everywhere at all times including all around you right up against you right now at this moment. They don't need to talk to you to do their thing. It sounds like you're digging very deep into Jewish lore and portraying it in a different way for the purposes of your story anyway, so I think you're fine just making up an answer for the rules of your particular fictional universe.

Also, because you're digging deep into Jewish lore and interpreting it in a new way that sounds heavily tied to the story and portrays some Jewish characters as literal demons please tread very carefully, be mindful about what topics you're covering/ultimately profiting from, and get multiple sensitivity readers to review your work. Reading this made me a little nervous.

[instantartific]

What sort of personality disorders do 1010 have?

You have made a grave mistake, my friend.

I'm only familiar with Cluster-B disorders, characterized typically by extreme emotions, so I can only speak for those. And saying this again for the people in the back: because 1010 are robots, they literally cannot fit the full criteria for actively having disorders, given that they could not have undergone trauma, nor had a generational influence, nor even have enough time to reasonably develop them. I am 100% aware of this. I just like taking things I notice in characters I like and exaggerating them.

It's more so that the basic formatting of "I live to complete my mission, and my mission is serving the fans" got exaggerated to the extreme.

Firstly! I'll describe each disorder from what I know and then talk about which boy fits what, solely off of my own interpretation of them.

ও

ASPD:

- Characterized by apathy and a sort of "disconnection" from "societal norms," very, very losely. On its own, typically displayed as a want for self righteousness over purpose.

- It is typically known for a distaste for societal sanctions, as well, and the psych in particular would more than likely have some sort of criminal history out of boredom, not "insane need."

-

Purl's traits are kept close to his chest; he shows his symptoms in a way that'd typically get a reaction of "he's too quiet and uncaring that it's almost scary, what's wrong with him?"

Purl has a sense of apathy towards performing, and you'd think it's his favorite thing in the world. But he likes the fans they have far more. Not even talking to them directly, more so watching them. He loves watching them and trying to memorize each one before they even speak. He points out specific people in crowds that he recognizes because of this. If you stand out even remotely at a fan meet, he'll pick you out and keep all focus on people he recognizes.

02, quietly, while the others are doing a bit: "... In seat 23B, second aisle. Isn't your name Lizzie? Ahh-haha... I remember you. I still don't like blueberries, if you're curious."

ও

NPD:

- Characterized by an extremely fragile state of self worth and perception of the world around oneself. On its own, typically displayed as having "a flared ego" due to it being extremely fragile.

- Typically known for a distaste in societal norms as well, but instead often believes oneself to be above or set apart from those norms rather than simply bored by them.

-

The way I write Rin fits NPD the best.

He has an inherent need for control, that's what it would be. Which manifests itself in very innocent ways. Taking control of the group when it comes to his brothers, taking control over performances, the crowd, everything. It's often unintentional, but he tries to have control over most things in his life. He's the leader, he's the head, he needs to control it.

Though it gets 'out of hand' when his leadership is questioned by one of the others. He'll get outright snappy and even less respondent than he is normally, sometimes even disregarding his brothers' concerns entirely because they act off emotion, and he knows better.

Simultaneously, he's one of the most likely to disobey Neon, finding loopholes in rules to do things purely for the sake of trying to trigger the same intense emotions his brothers feel easily. If he's too "numb," and can find a logical reason to disobey, he will.

ও

BPD:

- Characterized by extreme difficulty managing one's emotional state and relies heavily on outside influence to determine their own mental peace of mind. On its own, displayed as being "very emotional" or having "extreme emotional responses" to "minor events."

- Typically known for forming "extreme" attachments to those they care about, and allowing those attachments to control their life so much that a borderline would quicker kill themself than allow the person they love most to think poorly of them.

-

Eloni is absolutely BPD and HPD, cannot change my mind. Luckily for him, his FP is Haym, so he can (thankfully) always be around him for that extra moral boost.

But even with Haym at his side, it doesn't change he highs and lows, often triggered by the fans. His anxiety is greatly tied into extreme paranoia regarding the crowd and others in his life, that can even extend to Neon and the other boys that aren't Haym.

The others don't even want me to be in the group, do they? They'd like it if Captain did away with me. The fans hate me, and they hate me because I'm making the group look bad. Even Haym hates me, he hates me, he didn't say anything to me when we went to the dressing room, he wants me dead. They want me dead, they want me dead, they want me dead.

-

Haym's BPD as well, as he's erratic enough to have those great shifting moods, extreme responses, and extreme attachments. Smiley and bubbly, and he really only gets by because he splits outwardly; if something is wrong, it's everyone else's fault. And suddenly, whoever he was just all over is a terrible person and looking at them makes him want to throw up. And he can't even do that.

He'd end up getting attached to a random fan at one of their fan meets that asked only him something, to the point that that one fan being in the crowd or not can determine Haym's mood for the next few days. Purl helps him point them out of the crowd when he sees them.

ও

HPD:

- Characterized by a need for others' attention to be on them to feel worthy of being and having an extremely fragile perception of self and others around them. On its own, displays as "constantly needing attention."

- Typically known for similar attachments as seen in BPD, except displayed onto everyone around them rather than one person. If the histrio is not worthy of attention, they are not worthy of being alive, and will be willing to change their entire identity or even try to kill themself just to be worthy of attention.

Wanna still stick with the fact that if we're staying true to canon, all of them show histrionic traits, no questions about that. This all started with their extreme reaction to the fans thinking poorly of them (getting so overwhelmed they will blow up in response to poor fan reaction), after all.

-

Zim's traits are all very, very shown to the world in a dramatic fashion; he shows his symptoms in a way that'd typically get a reaction of "he's dangerous, don't get too close to him."

Zim loves being able to perform in front of people, but could give less of a damn for who those people even are. They all blur into nothingness on the stage, and none of them matter once the lights go down, but he's decent enough to try and pretend he recognizes someone that really likes him in particular. If he's not being looked at, he's tuned out, and will often act out specifically for Neon's attention. He doesn't get the same attachments his brothers do, but his emotions hit those similar extremes just as easily.

[bunnidid-reviews]

DID Series Review

Facts -

Series name: Fractale

Run time: 2011-2011 (11 episodes)

Fiction or Nonfiction: Fiction

Was there a diagnosis of DID? Not explicitly, no

Was the person with DID presented as evil for having DID? No

Major Trigger warning list:

- Heavy Religious Themes (talk of purity and sin and all that)

-Incestuous Sexual Abuse (nonexplicit but heavily implied)

- mild Anime Bullshit (Awkward sexual themes and fanservice of minor characters that all anime seems to have some of)

- Gun violence, blood

- heavy themes of government control and gaslighting

- themes of people going ‘crazy’ and suicidal

- attempted sexual assault

- Clones being created and evaporated as a government experiment (is this a trigger? It might be)

- the implication of purposefully created DID via traumatic experiences

Subjective Review(this is how I felt about it) –

Personal triggering scale from 1 to 10 (1 being not triggering at all, 10 being a badly overwhelming experience that might cause personal harm): it goes from 1-8 for me because the implications are close to home and it did send me down a weird spiral every time I watched the last episode. There’s also some fairly violent scenes

Personal relatability scale from 1 to 10 (1 being unrelatable, 10 being OMG THAT’S ME!): 9

Personal avoidance scale from 1 to 10(1 being eager to get on with it, 10 being impossible to finish): 2

My interpretation of the media(Includes spoilers):

Fractale takes place in a futuristic society that relies entirely on the Fractale System, which is kind-of like the internet + VR capabilities. Most people use avatars, or named in this series Doppels to travel throughout the world while staying stationary themselves elsewhere(?). The logic of it all is both explained throughout the series and also very vague and hard to understand

The story follows Klaine as the male lead who doesn’t use the Fractale system, instead living in a rural little town on his own, away from his parents. He doesn’t seem to care about anyone or anything but collecting tech from the old world(which would be our modern society). His whole life is turned upside-down when our interesting female lead Phryne flies into his life, evidently on the run from rebels trying to capture her. Phryne hides with Klaine and leaves him the next morning with a little pendant; the key to the Fractale system.

Within the pendant is a little girl Doppel named Nessa, who seems to have a both physical and digital form and is full of energy and attachment feelings

Everything about this anime is unoriginal, based heavily on Castle in the Sky I’m guessing, as well as maybe Ready Player One(or maybe Sword Art Online? I can’t say because I haven’t seen that one though). But somehow, by taking these honestly better Ips and mashing them together, they’ve made this incredibly unoriginal and bland piece of art. I couldn’t find anything interesting about Klaine to even root for him really.

A lot of the series is focused around The System Bad But Also The Rebels Bad Because They Are Extreme. So the message is very blurry and poorly portrayed, especially when we have the ending that… Both Are Good Enough Anyway So We Didn’t Change Anything Actually Despite Many People Dying For Both Causes. It’s…. really ambiguous as to what the fuck all this was for? The anime was made with a lot of spite and hatred for the anime industry and you can just tell there’s not a lot of love put into it, unlike other series I’ve watched for these reviews.

Except.. For the portrayal of DID. Which is what we’re here for.

Maybe it’s because of how vague the whole anime is, but it lends enough room for the portrayal of DID to be fairly accurate, which can vary wildly from individual to individual as it is.

To explain shortly, Nessa, the key to the Fractale system, is a dissociated part of Phryne. In fact, that’s explicitly what she is, as revealed in the final episode.

1,000 years ago, when the Fractale System was created, they chose a girl to be the key to rebooting the whole system if it was ever needed, essentially making her God. God was a 16-year-old girl with DID, as a result of her father molesting her. It was within this split  that they based the whole Fractale system’s stability on.

Now Phyrne had been cloned thousands of times to replicate the original God, but to no avail. One of the clones had been raised by one of the temple’s men as her father. He did some beep boop research into the first Phryne and found out about the DID, so he.. Created DID within her by molesting her too. Thus she split Nessa, who took on a physical form in a Doppel.

Throughout the series, we see the two parts interact a little more over time, from Phryne being negligent and cold to this attachment, pure part of herself, them hating eachother and slowly coming to understand and love eachother in a very DID way that’s honestly quite beautiful.

All of this is vastly interesting and I’m so furious they didn’t focus more of the story on Phryne and Nessa!!!! So much was centered around the boring main character guy’s personal conflicts of am I A Rebel Or Not which ULTIMATELY DIDN’T EVEN MATTERRRR AAAAA

Overall, the execution of the anime was really poorly done and honestly boring, but I actually loved the concept of Phryne and Nessa and I really wish there was more of them and their relationship. I’ll go into the DID a little more in the rest of the review.

What they got Right in my opinion:

-          The cause of DID being childhood trauma, in this case incestuous sexual abuse

-          Nessa, although a ‘happy’ part, encapsulates Phryne’s needs for love and attachment, and since she’s dissociated off the whole (and therefore condensed, as parts tend to be), her needs and intense and her reactions are easily triggered

-          Phryne being in a lot of denial and inability to confront the fact that Nessa is part of her

-          Phryne explicitly dissociates multiple times(eyes go blurry and blank, she goes limp, she seemingly looses time and doesn’t have the full awareness of what may be happening)

-          Phryne is notably strong-willed and confident but fawns ‘for the greater good’

-          Nessa and Phrynes relationship can only be described as someone coming to love their younger self in such a… Parts way, you know? Like the accepting that you’re eachother and you also love yourself and eachother and ugh, it’s just beautiful

-          Nessa and Phryne integrate/fuse at the end, and it’s shown later that they’re now one complete person with traits from both of them, just no longer separate

-          Oh, the insecurity and feeling worthless and unlovable from trauma is palpable

-          While I thought the incestuous father was portrayed to be pretty over-the-top, I really appreciated how fucked up and not okay and creepy they portrayed it, rather than going more of one of those anime grey area ways you see sometimes. I feel like he was ridiculous, but you felt the weight of what he was doing reguardless

-          The portrayal of Nessa being a Doppel  really fits into the magic/technology system of the world, where people already tend to have a separation between soul and flesh. It felt like the DID naturally fit in

What they got Wrong in my opinion:

-          Klaine is boring as fuck why do we focus on his inner struggles when theres literally so much more to be focused on around him

-           I couldn’t think of any glaring issues with the DID representation otherwise. Since things are left fairly vague, there wasn’t anything in particularly ‘wrong’ that they latched onto as fact

Would I recommend this to someone with DID to watch?:  Uhhhhhhhhh maybe. I think Phryne and Nessa are somewhat worthwhile, but it can be triggering and otherwise really bland to watch. I’ll just give you a similar vague message as the anime does: sure, whatever

[tarot-tea-cafe]

All About Tarot: The Major Arcana

The Lovers

The Lovers card, also called The Twins or L'Amoureux in some decks is associated with the sign Gemini and the air element. It is the fifth card pulled in a new unshuffled deck and number 6 in the major arcana.

Upright this card can mean love, harmony, trust, a leap of faith, choice, perfect union, attraction or attractiveness, conscious connections, meaningful relationships or perfection in relationships and so on.

Reversed this card can often be interpreted as meaning unreliability, seperation or a breakup of sorts, second guessing, values, conflict, coldness within a relationship, being out of sync with those around you, a struggle to take responsibility or own up to a mistake or bad decision you made and more.

In general, this card talks of finding balance in ones self and relationships, though it may talk of love, ties, attraction and relationships it isnt always necessarily romantic, it may be platonic, aesthetic or some other form of attraction as there are many types of attraction and love and its important to keep that in mind.

This card is very focused on talking about your relationships and paired with other cards, say the Emperor or the Empress, it may talk about certain figures in your life and your relationship with them.

It's all up for interpretations of the reader and yourself of course, everyone thinks differently and knows different details another might not so whatever you feel the cards are telling you is entirely up to you.

Common sighting in the cards depictions are of course, two people. These two people could be male and female to represent opposing energies (or because heterosexuality is "the norm"), they could be human or non-human. The card from my deck depicts beauty and the beast(a woman and a man cursed to live in a beasts form), figures from tales with similar meanings to the cards are a frequent thing in art for the major arcana, as interpretations are heavily based on association this sort of thing tends to help get the point across.

You may see other things in the card such as a figure above the two or light and dark contrasts (as ballance is an important part of relationships as well as possibly representing the phrase "opposites attract"), often some form of nature like trees or clouds. A lot of cards depict the two lovers or twins as across from one another and apart but just as many may show the two embracing one another.

(its also extremely common to see these two naked in the card's art, at least in older cards that seem to be depicting adam and eve, but there are a few people have made that might show something like a nakey coupla' gays. now adays the cards are depicting more clothed couples. this doesnt necessarily mean anything i just thought it was worth noting)

Common colours tend to be black and white, yellows, pinks and/or reds, and blues and/or purples. Its common to see both complementary and contrasting colours which help bring out both the upright and reversed meanings of the card, as well as just look very nice together. Its also common to see colours that are close to each others complementary or contrasting colours on the colour wheel but arent quite that (yellow being close to orange which is blue's contrast and so on).

if you have anything more that you'd like to add or noticed something i havent brought up, or if you have any questions, please feel free to let me know!

please support me on kofi - the previous card - the full list

[grimmgrinningghouls]

Go on about ash I dare you. (Interpret this as me legit asking about ash)

OKAY OKAY There is SO much to say about Ash where do I even start bro. She's been plaguing my brain for a fucking year now she won't leave. She's a skywing from WoF but we made wings of fire dope as shit and cured the series of its straight white woman author disease. She's essentially a spartan warrior version of a dragon and she's so silly.

She's also the daughter of two rich dragons, her moms a decorated war hero, and her dads just a rich prick. Her moms a vile dragon who doesn't care about her children outside of them ending up like her, as in also being decorated and valued members of skywing society. The only attention she gives them is putting them through the whole spartan 9 yards. Much like spartans, she started training around the age she learned to fly, which is 7 years old in dragon years. She was 2 in actual years, but maturity-wise she was 7.

Most skywings are required to go into some form of military training, at least for a few years. Its legally required for them to be in boot camp for 2 years, afterward they can choose to join the military or just do what they wanna do. Most of them join the military bc skywings heavily value their soldiers though. Still, the 2 year boot camp they go through teaches them basic reading, writing, math, and all that fun stuff. Ash didn't go through that however. Due to her mother's rank, Ash was allowed to be home indoctrinated lol.

Which in turn meant she was never taught to write, read, or do math. She can read maps and basic words, and do basic math, but she can't write at all and struggles with reading. All of her time was focused on military. She spent the first 5 years of her life doing grueling exercises, including being starved, whipped, threatened with a snake that could kill her with one bite, verbally abused, and generally just neglected unless she was training. Poor girl went through hell. Ash DOES have siblings tho, in the form of Singe, her older sister, who went through much of the same torment, and her two younger twin sisters, Soot and Smog.

Soot and Smog were left pretty much alone by their mother. Their mother was a very materialistic dragon, she only saw others for their use, she saw Singe and Ash as her future killing machines, and Soot and Smog as nothing more than tokens she could marry off once they were of age to richer families in different tribes to further expand her families influence. Soot and Smog were spoiled and pampered since they had nothing else to do, their father was very uninvolved and tbh a lil bit scared of his wife, while their mother put her focus on Singe and Ash. The twins are incredibly spoiled and like to mock their older sisters.

She did intend to marry Singe and Ash both off as well, she was planning on trying to marry Ash into the royal family, and Singe to whatever dragon she thought would increase their family's riches and power.

Around the age of 19 in human years, conflict began breaking out in pyrrhia thanks to the rainwing queen getting bitter. Their mother (Candle btw) saw this as a lovely opportunity to shove her two oldest daughters into the horrors of war. Singe and Ash are both incredibly competent soldiers due to their upbringing and get praised heavily. It catches the eye of Sunstone, the queen's right-hand man and the top general of the entire army. Essentially, Sunstone has the strongest army in pyrrhia at his command. He's impressed by them, so puts Ash under the mentorship of another very high-ranking general named Aelous, and mentors Singe himself.

Aelous is rough around the edges but treats Ash better than her mother did. Sunstone is a very carefree dragon, so he and Singe end up being besties. These are the first real connections Ash makes outside of her older sister. Sunstones not all he's cracked up to be however, he's a jealous, bitter, and downright delusional monster who doesn't care at all for any dragons life but his own. He thinks that all the queens are doing shitty queen jobs, so is planning to overthrow them all and put rulers he finds more adequate on the throne. To do this, he's working with the previously mentioned bitter rainwing queen who he plans to double cross.

Sunstone sabotages his own army and sends soldiers to their dooms, secretly helping the rainwing queen take out the biggest threat to her from the inside out. Enough about him though.

Ash, after just returning from a scout mission, goes looking for her older sister in the skywing barracks. Lots of stuff happens, but for now, all yall need to know is Sunstone killed Singe. This shook Ash and completely uprooted her entire world. I don't want to go tooo into detail with it, but like I mentioned before, Ash was severely neglected outside of her soldier training. She was never taught how to deal with her emotions and is prone to outbursts of rage, sadness, and even joy. She doesn't know how to express herself, so goes through a very rough grieving process.

Won't spoil any more, but she meets some dragons from another tribe who help her with her grief and in finding herself, and in the end, she's the one who takes down Sunstone and stops the war, commits some war crimes, goes to prison and almost dies at one point, accidentally kills her mother and helps her little sisters not be little shits, as well as cuts off her father, falls in love, and gets over (most) of her trauma

[queenofbaws]

Do you have any headcanons for Kaylee and Caleb? I'm writing a fic about these two and the way you wrote Kaylee in my last ask was so fascinating cuz it's like the complete opposite of how I write her and now I'm just really curious about how you interpret them in your works.

kdjfhsjdkfh oh man, DO I EVER!!! honestly, a HUGE reason i started writing like wringing blood from a stone is because after playing the quarry, i just had...too many hackett headcanons and needed to put them all in one place, but ahhh i'd be thrilled to talk a bit about how i headcanon the hackett kids!!!

(fair warning, i am POSITIVE this will end up being a long, rambly jumble, haha!)

before i split them up, i just want to say that genuinely i think the most important piece of how i characterize the hackett kids is...they're best friends. while we see some (read: a lot) of friction between the rest of the hackett fam, in my heart of hearts and soul of souls, kaylee and caleb are best, best friends who would do anything for each other and always have each other's backs. i think they fight sometimes, like siblings do, but they never stay mad, and a lot of the time they rely on each other to balance each other out and keep each other in check in an otherwise dysfunctional household.

them being besties is just really important to me personally 😭

kaylee - athletic, considerate, lonely, defiant

so, obviously with kaylee, we get...just about nothing, right? very, very little. we have tidbits like travis saying she's one of the kindest people in the world, we have constance's explosive response to losing her, and we have the letter she writes to constance. for me, a lot of how i picture kaylee comes from that letter - she wants to tell people about what's going on with the family, she thinks the world will understand if only they can stop keeping it a secret, and she keeps having nightmares about the fire.

she does not, however, mention feeling any kind of guilt (past "wishing it never happened"), which i think is a very important thing to note for the hacketts in general, BUT is sort of the key aspect that i find so fucking INTERESTING about kaylee specifically. she wants out. she wants to be free of all this. she wants to be anywhere else but in hackett house...

and she's fucking angry. PERSONALLY, i don't get the sense that she's angry AT anyone in particular - she's not BLAMING constance in her letter, even acknowledges that the family's just trying to keep them all safe - but boy, she's MAD, and for me, all that stuff mashed together formed the image of a girl with a hell of a chip on her shoulder. that isn't to say i don't think she's still kind, or sweet, or any of that - i do! i do, in fact, think she's very likely the hacketts' buoy, so to speak - but i also think she's probably got...one hell of a temper on her.

so in my head, kaylee is sort of a wildcard, and a risky one to play, at that - she's the baby of the family and (judging by constance's...everything) is probably used to being spoiled to a certain degree, her desire to get away from the life they're living combined with her kind/helpful nature leads me to believe she's probably something of a people-pleaser, or at the very least, quick to try and make friends with, say, the campers/counselors...and if you cross her, she might forgive you, but she will not forget, and she probably won't feel too bad about doing whatever it takes to get even.

(sidenote: a LOT of how i headcanon kaylee aaaaaaactually depends very heavily on how i headcanon chris. i imagine the two of them are very, very, very similar. people love them! but watch out! there's something not entirely pleasant hiding juuust below the surface, if you go poking around.)

caleb - brooding, responsible, sensitive, creative

oh caleb. OH caleb. my sweet summer child.

i don't want to reduce how i characterize him by saying "whatever kaylee is, he's the flipside," but it's not TERRIBLY far off. it's not totally right, it's just not totally wrong either.

i think the trait that i hinge caleb's characterization on the most is, uh, guilt. when i think of caleb, i think a lot of guilt. different kinds of guilt, too - guilt because of what happened with silas, guilt because he was the one to bite chris and kaylee and make them sick, guilt that everything the family is going through comes from something he did when he was too young to really think it through, and just your plain old run-of-the-mill eldest sibling guilt that we're ALL dealing with and definitely not projecting onto fictional characters, right? right???? ;P hehehe

what he and kay definitely have in common, at least insofar as i see them, is that anger. that temper. i think all the hacketts have it, i just think they present it differently. so while i imagine kaylee is more prone to sudden outbursts, i feel like because of his guilt, a lot of caleb's anger is the quiet, slow-burning sort that he mostly turns inward, at himself...until the full moon. then you better watch out, you better watch out, you beTTER WATCH OUT, YOU BETTER WATCH OUT...

outside of that, though, i imagine him to be the quieter sibling, and the more even-keeled. he's sort of kaylee's edit function, and is very used to being the one who gets to cash the checks her mouth writes. since he's the older of them, he wants to be the more responsible, and he's always trying so, so hard to prove himself to the rest of the family. because of that guilt.

(sidenote related to my previous sidenote: a lot of how i headcanon caleb is, SURPRISE, based on how i headcanon travis. maybe it's just for my own fic-writing motivations, maybe it's a healthy dollop of that projection i mentioned before, but i very, VERY much imagine that the caleb - kaylee dynamic echoes the travis - chris dynamic...but since we don't REALLY see travis and chris interact much, this is just headcanon inception, huh??????)