#yeah I'd say I like them equally? bc any relationship has to have a foundation for me to Care

[raayllum]

I love your aspec rayllum posts so much, and I've gotta say you describe qprs better than most posts I've seen (and I've done tons of research into it). I was wondering though if you minded talking a bit about being alterous, bc I've done some research into that recently, and I was thrilled to find someone in the wild who identifies as it while just looking around for posts for this fun dragon show!

Thank you for the kind words!! My own relationship with my partner is very much a QPR at its core (with a smidge of 'romance' whatever that tangibly means lol) and I've been pretty entrenched in the ace community reading wise since 2016 so that probably helps!

Being alterous is hard to describe, but here are the metaphors I've found help / how my experiences have manifested. Other alterous people may or may not relate and this is also probably affected by me being ace (so no physical and very little aesthetic attraction either!)

Very inconsistent 'crush' feelings that were hard to identify because I'm genuinely, equally down just being someone's friend. Think liking someone right away as a crush, but the next week there's nothing so you figure "huh just as a friend then" and then next week the feelings come back and then the week after that they're gone. Cue rinse and repeat

On that note: because the romantic fuzzies are inconsistent, the platonic core rules all. For most of my loved ones (before I got into my one & current relationship) that meant they had 'a door' I could've opened if they'd said to me they wanted a relationship / life partnership and I'd be down with it, although there are some people I am extremely close to who don't have a door I can open on my end, so... yeah. Not every platonic relationship has that potential to get another layer stacked on top but the foundation has to be there Regardless

The more emotionally compatible you are with someone, the more attractive they are. The root of attraction (since I also don't experience a ton of aesthetic attraction) for me at least is usually admiration (traits, talents, smarts, kindness, etc).

If you can't see yourself being friends / aren't friends with them, any other kind of interest is dead on arrival