#yeah it's cat Phobos

[bewdite-spacey-coffee]

[neoplatinum]

we can't be friends - ariana grande | minatozaki sana

summary: the earth only has one moon, are you really the moon to sana's earth?

pairing: childhood-friend!sana x fem!reader

themes: extremely angsty, best friends to ?? to ??, internalized homophobia, gender dysphoria, sana's not too great of a friend, reader is a pushover until she isn't, implied sex, original male character, [----] x reader

wc: 3.2k

(side b: north and south poles | minatozaki sana)

from what you've learned in school, at the very early age of kindergarten is that the earth only has one moon, only one. mars has two moons: phobos and deimos.

when you were kids, you were called deimos, sana was called mars, and fuji was called phobos. it was always you three together, running through the streets of the countryside of japan.

causing so much trouble for your administrators, running around yelling down the halls of your school, the terrible trio of class 2-A. leaving school was always fun too, running around for snacks and jumping at the sight of cats.

you and sana were always closer, whenever fuji had to go home early because of his strict extracurriculars, you spent time with sana. walking by the train tracks, looking for lost coins for the vending machine or even staying for dinner with sana’s parents. it felt like it was you three taking on the small town.

until it didn’t. when middle school rolled around, you were excited to see them two after a couple of weeks of summer. each of you was busy with other things in life, making it hard to meet each other. so on the first day of school, you strolled in, ready to take on the new school year with sana and fuji by your side, when you noticed they weren’t talking much to each other.

fuji found basketball friends in his group, clinging to them like they were his new lifeline. sana has gotten close to the popular girls, they were nice but very superficial, all having drama with each other but in front of the group, they all faked smiles for each other.

you found yourself in between two different worlds, you tried calling to them after school, but they both dismissed you saying they had extracurriculars. fuji had gone off to play with his friends during basketball practice, while sana participated in school government association.

you got tricked into becoming treasurer for the sga that very year, so it was nice to still be around sana. although you could feel her distance.

it isn’t until one spring afternoon, you feel your first ever heartbreak. sana rushes into the sga room while you were napping on a desk.

she taps your shoulder excitedly, “wake up!”

you rub your eyes and focus on sana, who’s shoving a letter in your hand. you read the first line and yeah, your heart is crushed.

“fuji confessed to me!” she shouts excitedly, doing a little dance by herself as you read the lines.

“oh, congrats.” you hand the letter back to her, she looks at you a bit puzzled by your simple reaction.

“he asked me out! im so excited.” she explains, going into detail about their supposed first date. “he might kiss me, what do you think?”

“if you want to kiss him, then kiss him.”

she rolls her eyes at that, of course she knows that. that’s not what she’s implying.

“what i mean is, i’ve never had my first kiss! i don’t know what to do.” she goes on, thinking about it seriously. “what if he kisses me, and i suck and he doesn’t want to kiss me.”

“sana, if he thinks you being a bad first kisser is a deal breaker then dump him.”

you explain, placing your head back on your arms.

“you have to help me!”

“help?”

“kiss me, pretend you’re fuji.”

“no way sana.”

“why? too much of a chicken to kiss me?”

“no im not!”

"bawk bawk bawk" sana mocks you. making flapping arm motions to imitate a chicken.

“fine!” you hold yourself together (as much as you can) and place your lips gently against sana, pulling her in by the neck. caressing her cheek before letting her go. her eyes are dazed.

“wow yeah, that was good.” she fiddles with her school skirt, “i wish you were a boy, you’d make a girl very happy kissing her like that.” she blushes and leaves you alone, you feel that jagged break in your heart tear a little longer.

your tears don't stop as you try and go back to taking a nap, feeling your breathing getting heavy and you stay the rest of the afternoon, crying about not being born a guy for sana.

--

that was the last time you really talked to sana, too hurt that you cut your hair short the next day in the bathroom sink. crying tears into the porcelain bowl, with tears filling around your choppy hair. when you finally stop, you try liking the idea of it being short like a boys. but sana doesn’t spare you a glance. suddenly the hair feels too choppy and the air that you didn't feel when your hair was long starts to bother you.

it doesn't bother you for long, once your hair grows back. it feels right, like you were meant to look this pretty and feminine. you stay away from both sana and fuji as much as you can.

until one day sana knocks rapidly at your door, you haven't had her over in years. high school created even more distance between you two, you found your own people to be around. people that never overlapped with sana and fuji.

--

until you see sana staring at you from across the door, eyes still sparkling as they always have, in that charming look. and the longer face, the warm smile and comforting scent of flowers. as much she is the sana you remember, you don't think she's the same sana you once knew.

"hi."

"hi sana, are you okay?" you let her in. and it's like you're transported back to when you were thirteen, letting sana come over whenever she needed to complain about fuji and his "boy" tendencies. now that you're both 18 and ready to set off into the real world, you feel a little strange having sana visit.

"yeah, i need your help." she starts, dropping her bag onto the floor. you feel your heart rate spike a bit, was sana in trouble?

"help with what?" you offer her a bottle of her favorite drink, royal milk tea.

"you remembered." she says softly, grabbing it and downing it in a few quick seconds, a sign she's nervous and with the tapping of her foot. you're feeling anxious just at the sight. "fuji asked to have sex."

you nearly spit out your own water, "what?" your eyes are wide and you stare at sana as she keeps her eyes away from you.

"i need your help."

"did he do something sana? i'll kill him myself." you get up.

"no, none of that. i want to, have sex i mean. i just can't with him first."

"why not?"

"well, i...i want my first time to not be him. i just know it in my heart."

"okay. so how am i supposed to help you?"

"be my first."

"sana! you can't ask that of me."

"why not? we're best friends, of course we can."

"sana no, you love fuji, he should be your first if you love him. you're dating him too, that would be cheating."

"i dont, i dont think, i just." she shakes her head. "it can't be with him first." she ends it softly, hands in her lap. looking like she's been scolded. you feel the guilt bubbling up in your stomach; here she was being vulnerable, and you just accused her of being a cheater.

"what's really going on?" you ask, she's not making sense anymore.

"i need you to be my first, i want you to be. it can't be anyone else." sana is firm. standing up and taking your hands in hers. with her eyes looking into yours like that, like she knows how much you love and adore her. you can't find yourself to say no, even if it betrays fuji.

"okay."

"yeah?" her eyes light up.

"yeah." you pull sana upstairs, and begging her to forget about fuji, just for one night. to only focus on you and to pull out those pretty sounds of sana uttering your name into the night.

you don't stop until you feel sana against you, like it's where she belongs, right in your arms.

--

when sana leaves in the morning, you feel that gash that you've been trying so hard to heal get ripped apart again. she thanks you like you're someone who was there to provide a service to her, like that's the only purpose you served her that night.

as if you didn't pour your heart out as you kissed down her torso, cherishing her body like the gods sculpted it. as if she isn't the only woman in the world, you begin to think maybe that's what you were made for. someone to exist for sana, and never with her.

this hurtful thought bumps around your brain, hitting every surface of it, you feel your heart break into two. like you're led on a leash by sana, without her letting you ever leave.

it becomes a habit, a habit you can't break. you circling between the sana and fuji whenever it was the holidays or birthday parties. each year you feel more and more of your soul slip away. you can't begin to tell where your identity begins and ends without sana.

doesn't help that fuji is a good man for sana. always considerate and careful, giving her the space and time she needs when she's overwhelmed. you think sana chose well, a good man in her life that'll never waver his loyalty for her.

but it leaves you in disarray, sana contacting you for her relationship problems. leaving fuji all alone as she calls you to escape. weeks spent away from fuji, where you two meet hidden away from the world. a hidden place filled with drunk kisses and hookups, ones you would never utter to fuji.

you being invited at her parties, seeing his arms draped around her like you weren't caressing them just days ago. it's all too much, you don't know if you can be friends with her. ever again.

until she marries fuji, she hands you their invitation card herself. how dare she? after years of being a secret she hands you a knife for you to stab into your heart, and she does it with a smile. explaining how happy she is to have the wedding of her dreams, while you feel the woman of your dreams slip right through your fingers.

but then the reality hits, she was never yours to begin with, you two are simply friends. just best friends that know each other's bodies too well.

you play your part well, giving a dedicated speech to them two. reminiscing of the early days of you as a trio. days of mischief, talking about learning of their feelings for each other, making jokes about how they were polar opposites, destined to find each other magnetically. you leave out the part where you think you would fit well with sana even if you aren't the opposing magnet.

you try and stay away from her as much as you can after the wedding, to save your own heart (as much there is left). blocking her number and taking time away from japan. going overseas to travel, and it works out well, you meet a woman named momo, you don't mention the woman to sana. you don't hear from sana and you feel your heart calm a bit, like it's finally able to take a break.

when you return to japan, you find her at your doorsteps, fallen asleep at your door. she wakes up to the sight of you and hugs you immediately, complaining about how worried she was that you disappeared. you don't mention how you blocked her number. letting sana into your apartment and she drops the biggest news on you that you could ever expect: shes pregnant.

"congratulations sana!" you fake a smile and she goes on to explain that it's going to be a little girl. and she's so excited to dress her up and have a daughter.

you feel like you're hearing static noise as she goes on, sitting on your couch talking animatedly about the new nursery and all the books she's been reading about motherhood. it isn't until she finally steps away to go home that you realize that you never said more than congratulations.

--

months later, she births the beautiful baby girl. you wait outside the room, a balloon in one hand and a pack of diapers in the other. the nerves of having to see sana after so long made you vomit in the hospital bathroom just ten minutes ago. you try to focus on anything else, the sterile walls, the smell of sanitizer, the sounds of nurses chatting. then you see fuji step outside, looking like a tired first-time father.

"congratulations fuji!" you say as you pass him the diapers. he laughs at the sight and thanks you before saying he's going outside to get some food and that sana is awake.

you step into the hospital room and hear the rhythmic heart monitor and low beeps of machines. there sana is, exhausted as ever but happily babbling to her baby. you can see the little baby in the swaddle. you walk up to the bedside.

"hi sana, congratulations on your new baby." you tie the balloon to her bed, and she smiles at you, tired but always warm. "she's beautiful, sana." you wash your hands and poke at her cheek.

"isn't she? i think it's too early to say, but she might have my eyes." you look back down and see the baby, eyes closed in bliss. you think they look like sana's too. ones that you used to look at as kids.

"i want to name her after you." she starts, gently caressing her head. you stop, leaning back quickly.

“dont do that sana, don’t give it the same curse you gave me.” you bite out. sana stops caressing the baby's face to look at you. “forced to love someone who will never love them back.”

"what are you talking about?" sana says gently, you've never raised your voice at her in all the years you've known each other.

"sana, you can't give her my name. i forbid you to." you say sternly; after how much she destroyed you, you're not letting her name her daughter that.

"but, why?" she's still perplexed, eyes wide.

"it's not right." you look away from sana, years of pain resurfacing just at the idea. "you really hurt me, i don't want you to name your daughter after me."

she doesn't press you on the matter anymore, anxious eyes darting all over the room, trying to find an escape from this conversation.

"what about being her godmother?"

"i'm moving away sana."

it's like the final nail in the coffin, both phrases being said at the same time. you realize there's no other way to say it, not over text or a call. it's better to say it here, ripping off the bandaid completely.

"moving? where are you moving?" you can hear the heartbeat machine beeping faster, and you see her heart rate climbing steadily.

"korea, i got a job over there." you say dismissively.

"oh wow, when do you move?" sana's voice is timid as she tries to hold back tears at the idea.

"i leave in a week." you say, picking your stuff up getting ready to leave. "congratulations again sana, your baby is beautiful and healthy. tell fuji that he'll be a good father, i know it." and with that you step to leave, and just as you turn the knob you can hear it, the sound of sana crying.

you try not to cry yourself, but you can't stay here. orbiting around two people who are building their life together. you weren't supposed to be here to begin with. earth never had two moons. you nearly bump into fuji when he opens the door.

"oh fuji, i'm sorry i couldn't stay long." you offer when you see him outside, food in hand and excited to talk to you, he smiles sadly. giving you a hug as you walk outside.

feeling like for once you control your own life, your love is yours, and no longer sana's.

"stay a while longer, sana is so excited to see you!" he says, trying to urge you to come back inside.

"it's okay, we'll see each other around." you turn to look back at sana, and she stares right into you with tears running down her face and glaring at you. you just told your final lie to sana, closing the door behind them, like you closed your relationship with sana.

--

you don't see sana for years; it's strange. growing up with so much hurt and pain made it difficult to enjoy your romantic relationships, but you realize there is always a person for you, yours being hirai momo, not sana minatozaki.

here at incheon international airport, you stretch from your seat, needing to get some movement in before you sit in that cramped airplane seat for hours. so you make a beeline to the bathroom, walking directly into a young girl.

she falls backwards, nearly hitting her head on the floor, but you catch her in time.

"hi sweetie you okay?" you pat her down, pulling her shirt down. she nods at you and you see her eyes, and you feel your memories shift back to when you were five years old, meeting that girl that sat near you in class 2-A. she runs towards someone.

you stand up and recognize those eyes immediately, sana minatozaki in the flesh after five years. eyes wide as she stares at you. fuji right by her side.

you can see the recognition in sana's eyes. you walk right up to them, offering the couple a hug. sana's arms grip onto you so tightly you feel your ribs in her hold. then you feel a tug at your pant leg.

you turn around and smile at the girl by your leg.

"say hi hana, this is sana and fuji." your little girl waves to them hi, while sana is still staring at you. fuji starts congratulating you, excited to see that you have a daughter. you let out a laugh. then you feel a pat on your back, with momo walking up to kiss you.

then you let your daughter down to play with sana's daughter. eyes fond at the two little girls chasing after each other.

“it’s been a while.” sana's voice cuts into your thinking.

“yeah, i guess it has.” you reply, finally looking at her after so long. sana gulps, willing the tears away.

"honey, you’re crying.” fuji says wiping away sana's tear, you smile at that. he's good for her.

“oh i didn't notice.” sana laughs, rapidly wiping her tears away.

you let the three of them talk, momo joining in and introducing herself. you're left feeling a bit better about your decision to leave sana's side all those years ago. waiting for her to love you back would've costed your relationship with momo, especially since you would have never had hana.

it's important to know when being friends turns into we can't be friends anymore.

--

a/n: hehehehehe, angst is so fun to write, that's probably why it's everywhere in my writing. thank you to the anon who requested this! i wrote this in like 6hrs. stay safe and stay healthy everyone!

[agent-8449]

Agent Logos CJverse chatroom summary.... REAL!!!!

Clears throat. This may be a long post, be warned. Actually, yeah. Bwoink.

The OG AU: Voice of Reason

Whole: Dead as fuck. Sort of. Way before the events of the comic, their Whole 'died'. We refer to not-dead Whole OOCly as 'Hope', but he also sort of exists afterwards as a figment of himself-- the 'shadow' called Cast. Cast can only speak in song lyrics, and currently resides in... the TMAverse, as a cursed item. Woaw.

Heart: Would kill you if you called him Heart. Ozzy/Oz/Ozymandias is a real piece of work. Sourceless guilt incarnate, magically influenced by a cursed mirror to eat it, in a symbolic attempt to erase himself. He's so chill. So fine. So cool. Definitely not so close to collapsing at all times. Got glasses though.

Mind: Tinker/Ulysses. So violently soggy, but hides it under his inexplicable British accent and polite demeanour. Made the transmitters that allow Thirds to traverse between their Surrealities. He half-regrets this. The only one of the three fully aware that Cast is an actual sentient guy. Hid his Soul's trident in his hand after the comic, and so that hole is very much still there <he's 'fixing' it atm...>

Soul: Coda. Coba. Coba Cola. What a disaster. After the comic, it <he/it> was kept in his room as much as possible. Then Oz left, and he completely lost it. It was a big storyline, so feel free to ask about it. Coda is really fun because he's not sane

Me-only AU 2: The Negatives

Whole: Eris... also known as Chase. The Negatives are a sort of "reversal of personality". Eris is a shitty content farm-making YouTuber, and generally hates this too. He also has to deal with the Cold War he sort of constructed with his own Thirds. He remembers what his Thirds do, which is good because he split <past tense> often... like. Every day. They called it 'shifts'. Yeah.

Heart: Phobos, ahhhhh my horrible boy Phobos. Personification of egoism, self-aggrandization, imagination, and intrusive thoughts. Green. Mean. A bitch and a half. Generally sadistic. The de-facto leader of the Negative Thirds. Wears crocs. Idolises Whole.

Mind: Deimos. That is all. Personification of logic, reasoning, and thinking ahead. He is also an absolute goon and pushover. All too happy to be Phobos' lackey.

Soul: Nemesis, though he hates that nickname. Personification of 'cringe culture', self-doubt, second-hand embarassment, and critical thinking. Basically ignored by the other two. Does all the work in the Vessel. Clinically annoyed by everything all the time. Very spiteful.

ASSORTED GUYS <from co-op AUs>:

Allen: Soul from Voib, Andy, Shade and I's AI AU, also known as Reification Initiative: Apotheosis. Yeah I came up with that. My bad. Allen is shitty. So very shitty. Ran away. That's all I can say for now.

Valentine: Heart from WAAAILSSSSSS IT'S ONLY ME BUT HIS COUNTERPARTS ARE ALL DEAAAAD. The Bachelor AU, a 'Lonely' AU. He is trying to live his life now that he fucked up and he's alone. He committed arson. He has to go to government-mandated therapy. He is beloved.

Nyx: Whole from Xanadu AU. Haven't done much with him, but he's in space, and he's an idiot.

Vlinder: :>

Thyme: Mind from the Aonaran/Apocalypse AU. The world ended. It be like that sometimes. And the stress got to their Whole. Thyme killed multiple people.

Pursuit: Heart (2) from Voib's Labyrinths AU. He is big kitty cat lad. Does eat people. Tries to maintain the status quo. Genuinely satisfied with the state of things.

Magna: Mind from Demersal AU. Basically, he got pitted instead of Heart for being a delusional little shit. He did not get any less delusional. Conspiracy nut, drowning 1/4th of the time, and generally horrible person.

Brevity: Soul from Voib and I's Syncopation AU. Olde Mann. No legs, they froze off. He is not mentally well at all, but he's got to keep it together if he wants to continue being 'him'.

Crawl: Heart from the Asides AU. Fourth-wall breaking eldritch horror. Collector of things. Collector of extinct things. Full name 'Crawl of the Horizon'.

"Quinn": Soul from Good Day. Very new AU with me, Voib, Q-ott, and Ledge <@/nitroish>. Meant to be close to album guys. He's denying his halves exist and matter atm.

There you go! Not including the alternate timelines because jesus christ

[p0t3nt1al]

Camp Hamato:

“I Don’t Like Christmas Trees Anymore.”

[warning for implied major character injury]

Ever since last week, everything went quiet. The camp was silent, it felt like a ghost town…except with sobs.

It was just one call to a counselor, and it wrecked a heartbreaking havoc on Camp Hamato and Camp Usagi, and it was just the start of the new year, even after so many things have happened.

“Shhh,” hushed Hibiscus as Khaos curled in her arms, her hands rubbing Khaos’ back as he quietly held back tears, as he barely ever cried much around others, but this, this was a day Khaos may never forget. It was just a few hours after something happened, and only a handful saw it, even the younger ones. Everyone was rushed inside while the other Cabin Leaders tried to calm down the situation…but it was messy- especially to Khaos, who now would feel pure fear being near a body of water.

“Khaos..” whispered the siren. “I can’t do it..” Khaos mumbled, his voice hoarse, “I’m not ready.” Khaos shook his head in denial, his mind flooding with the thought of being in charge of many, many campers, especially since Camp Hamato was unfortunately understaffed that they didn’t really have much of a system when it came to how many campers were with one counselor or Cabin Leader. “I wasn’t prepared.” He spoke up as Hibiscus listened, before she looked up, seeing all the other purple ponderer counselors looking devastated before looking back down at Khaos, “…for what?” Hibiscus softly asked. “For this- for him to get hurt, and now I’m in charge taking care of the campers, watching over a whole cabin when all I’ve ever been was a counselor, a counselor. I don’t know how to be a substituting Cabin Leader, I’ve always been a counselor helping a few campers, I’ve never helped over 60 campers at once, and we are just getting rookies and new counselors, along with registering season coming up.” Khaos ranted anxiously, his hands fidgeting with his long ears as Hibiscus listened. Hibiscus’s large tail curled around her and Khaos as Khaos continued ranting as Hibiscus kept listening, before looking back up and seeing the rest of the counselors’ cabin- and seeing the other counselors get comforted by each other, with Amora comforting her brother, Diamanté- who just came to visit and say hi, Deimos was talking to her twin brother, Phobos, who witnessed the recent accident, and Trickster going out to check up with the campers along with a few other counselors.

At the Purple Ponderers’ Cabin, Mirage- a Maroon Mischief, was entertaining a few younger campers by answering questions about his two tails, which Mirage had names ‘Alpine’ and ‘Lavender, who had mouths and minds of their own. “What can they eat?” Asked one camper, “Anything that I can eat.” Mirage kindly answered with a smile before another camper asked curiously, “Does that mean that if you have allergies they can’t eat that?” Mirage answered again, “Yeah, that’s right!” He chirped happily before one of the tails- Alpine, wandered towards a camper, before said camper started to pet Alpine, petting it like a dog or cat. Mirage smiled as the campers sought interest on his odd tails and distracting them from the ongoing panic and worry going on outside. Then, another Counselor approached Mirage and the campers, it was Astoria, a yōkai with whip-like tail and a distinctive star on his forehead, along with streaks along his face that faded to a bright blue, somehow earning him the nickname “Shooting Star”. “Astoria!” Mirage smiled seeing him, while Astoria had a grimace, making Mirage’s smile dull. “…Astoria? What’s wrong?” Mirage repeated, the campers still distracted by his playful tails. Astoria would exhale, before speaking, “They’re calling a meeting in the headmaster’s cabin, he’s requesting for all the cabin leaders and counselors, even the ponderers.” Astoria detailed quietly, as Mirage looked at Astoria, before looking back at the tech-adorned cabin, with half of it’s campers worried and sad, while the other half was either trying to cheer up the first half of the campers, while the others kept themselves distracted with their projects and little inventions. Mirage’s eyes laid on them for a moment, his mind wandered about how the campers would- are feeling about this. “…I’ll be there.” Mirage assured as his mind still wandered on that thought as Astoria gave a nod before leaving the cabin. Mirage soon looked back at the campers who played with Lavender and Alpine, their smiles bright as his was gone. “Okay, guys, I gotta go for a bit, okay?” Mirage said, as Lavender and Alpine tiled towards him in confusion, “Say goodbye, you two.” Mirage whispered, before the two tails playfully nuzzled and nudged at the campers like playful dogs, making them giggle and laugh before they waved goodbye to the playful two before Mirage stood up and left, opening the door, hesitantly nudging the door open - before closing the door of the cabin.

The Headmaster’s Cabin was quiet, tense. Headmaster Splinter was on the phone, Mikey was consoling Raph, April talking to Diamanté, Deimos was sitting with Phobos, Hibiscus comforting Khaos, Streak trying to talk to the others, Amora dialing a number on her phone, and Casey giving everyone some coffees or teas- or a soda. Soon, Splinter ended the call, before everything went quiet- waiting to hear what the headmaster had to say. The headmaster sighed heavily, before finally saying it. “The hospital called, they said that he’s in stable condition, but he has critical injuries, so he has to go into surgery.” Splinter announced, his tone full of concern “Did they say if he’s going to survive?” April asked, “We are not sure...” Splinter detailed, which gave everyone a sense of relief. “What about…the tree?” Casey asked. That question itself slammed tension back into the room as Splinter’s eyes widen, but soon softened. “…It’ll be taken down by someone else.” Splinter uttered, avert his eyes from the others. “Who’s going to watch his cabin?” Mikey questioned, but that question stalled Splinter. He never really thought about who would take the place of the missing Cabin Leader while he was unfortunately away. Splinter thought about this first a few moments, unprepared for such a scenario that he never knew would happen, trying to make the wisest decision possible, “How many counselor are in that cabin?” he asked, only for 5 counselors to raise their hands, including Khaos and Phobos, and doing the math made it realize that this wasn’t going to be easy, especially with the low amount of counselors they have, just now getting ready for registering season. “That is a hard question, Orange.” Stated Splinter, before thinking of something, “Would he have some sort of protocol for this?” Splinter asked, raising a brow towards the others before they all looked at each other in confusion or unawareness- leaving Splinter with nothing. “Well then, I have no choice. You there, purple rabbit.” Splinter said, pointing towards Khaos, who just looked back at Splinter with a sour face, “I’m…I’m not a rabbit.” Khaos corrected quietly, “Ah, apologies, You will be in charge of the cabin.” Splinter declared..again. “What?!” Khaos exclaimed, “Headmaster, I am not able to do this,” Khaos replied unsurely, “I cannot be a substitute to a cabin leader in charge of nearly 60 campers, and possibly more in the upcoming registering season!” Khaos reasoned as the others collectively agreed- with the registering season coming up, there is a high chance that a lot of campers may join due to their year-round camp- and that made Splinter…almost reconsider. “I have seen you be with us for years, I’m sure you’ll be able to handle it.” Splinter assured. “Headmaster,” Khaos repeated, “I cannot handle this. I have been a counselor, and I’m sure you have seen how many campers we get every registering season.” Khaos reasoned again, trying to express how unfit he is to the role. “Splinter, Khaos is right- we aren’t really able to handle that many campers, and with this, it leaves the counselors of that cabin with more campers, and with him in the hospital, there will be no Cabin Leader in that cabin to handle the main stuff, meaning that while he is in the hospital, the campers may have to reside in our cabins, imbalancing everything.” April warned, “And, with the campers spreading out, the counselors may spread out, and possibly scramble up the system we have already made for Camp Hamato, so the best option is finding a replacement.” April suggested, before Mikey spoke up again, “But why would we find a replacement for someone who you can’t replace, especially someone like our brother, our friend, our inspiration- why would we?” Mikey said, confused about April’s suggestion. “Raph agrees, why would we replace him?” Raph joined in, before April reconsidered. “You guys are right, we can’t replace him, which puts us back in square one; what do we do?” April said, now confused again. Splinter now was back at the question that started it, what now?”

“Well then, we will keep the campers in their cabin until further notice, Khaos, Phobos, and all the other counselors that were assigned to their cabin, you will be postponing any activities planned for February, let’s try to rest. It’s been a..stressful day.” Splinter set forth, before dismissing them.

As they left, the other cabin leaders went to their cabins as the counselors resided in their cabin- the counselors’ cabin. Soon the counselors were getting ready to rest, some cuddling up to their partners, some putting on music to fall asleep too, some with their stuffed animals that they bought from home, and some doing their own thing for nighttime. Phobos clung to his partner, Diamanté as they both tried to rest, but they both couldn’t. “Can’t sleep?” Diamanté mumbled as he held Phobos in his arms, his nose tucked into his neck, nuzzling as he gave out a hum. “Yeah.” Phobos murmured tiredly, before thinking of something, trying to say it before he forgot about it.

“Hey Di?” (<- Pronounced “die” (One of Phobos’ odd nicknames))

“Hm?”

“Do you…wanna stay here?”

“Really?”

“Yeah, you don’t have to really deal with bad customers, just a lot of kids.”

“That..seems cool.”

“You..aren’t gonna say no?”

“At what? The last part?”

“Yeah.”

“Phobos.”

“What?”

“…You do remember I have eight other siblings, including one that comes here?”

“Really? Who?”

“…your sister’s girlfriend?”

“Oh. Yeah.”

Phobos looked over to her sister, Deimos’ bed, seeing her and Amora giggling at a video they’re watching together on her bed. “Y’know,” Phobos whispered, “I dunno what’s gonna happen next, with what happened.” Phobos blurted willingly, looking at Diamanté, who just listened to him quietly. “Mhm..” Diamanté agreed with a hum, l?.Do you think it will ever get back to normal?” Phobos questioned, his tone hinted with skepticism, as Diamanté assured him. “I’m sure it will, just hope for the best.” Phobos took Diamanté’s words to mind, before relaxing as Phobos tried to doze off , as Diamanté held him- his body radiating warmth, making Phobos wonder if Diamanté was secretly a big campfire.

[sams-infection-au]

Yeah! I have a fourth cat named rea, but she is not really friendly. If you want, you can pet mow, he is the most susceptible to pets, and he will bury into you for more attention. He also loves chin scratches.

I love kitties. I love kitties a lot. *Phobos wriggles from his father's arms to pet the kitties*

[saltymongoose]

YOO THE LITTLE GRUNTS ART :0 THEY LOOK SO CUTE ISJSJDBFU

I remembered the meme of - "I can make him better" "I can make him worse" Well I can hold him like this *insert close up of hank being held like a wet cat*

Also not Tricky climbing like a little kitty- (I remember getting a bunch of scratches and cuts because of em' they were worth it but still lol)

Phobos just Living The Life ™

Tho that got me a little curious, how high of an altitude can they handle without getting injured? Like if they fall from Players hand would they get really injured or just a little hurt in the feet?

-♠️ Anon

Yeah, they're adorable, aren't they haha? :D You do have a point though with the height thing. Judging from how you can technically "die" if you slip off the roofs of the skyscrapers in M:PN, it would likely end very badly if they fell off of you. Since you're the height of at least three buildings and all. In most circumstances, you'd probably have to try and use your strings to let them down softly and slowly, so they don't get seriously injured when they land. (Which you have to do a lot because of Hank's habit of shoving others off of you lol.)

So I would say that the only fall they'd be able to really handle is if you were sitting on the ground or kneeling and you let them go from about stomach height for you. It'll hurt a little bit if they don't land properly, but it won't be too serious this way. Plus, you kinda have to be lower to the ground to actually see what they're doing, so it's not like it's inconvenient for you this way. Though now I imagine some of them purposefully falling (or jumping) off you just to feel your strings help them out, if they're that desperate for your control and worried attention.

[dreamsofalifeold]

((Shy’s labyrinth is inhabited by goblins, cats, and an assortment of other creatures and characters.

The goblins are sort of amphibious creatures that resemble salamanders, if they had goat characteristics. They’re mostly harmless, but very temperamental and prone to doing stupid things out of boredom or frustration. They’re sort of a manifestation of the inner child.

Prince Phobos is named after a character in a cartoon, yeah, but he’s the Prince of the Labyrinth. He’s arrogant, self-assured, and sort of resembles what would happen if you put a jester and a pirate into a blender. He’s imposing, elfin, and wears a mask resembling a black butterfly. He’s the fears and doubts that Shy finds herself so often controlled by. He supposedly “protects” her, but in reality keeps her prisoner by making her fearful of every leaving her inner world.

A cat named Khufu is one of the nicer and more reasonable ones you’ll meet there. He’s sort of the logic center of the brain and a manifestation of wisdom and emotional maturity. He’s a beautiful black cat with a white mark on his chest that looks like a butterfly.))

[rotshop]

hiiiiiii i have a disease,,,im gonna make a seperate post for 8 other characters i had in mind w/ this same prompt for the sake of me not dying <3

anyway here's a few random madcom characters + an animal s/o because im deranged <3333333

Hank

-this one is a LITTTLEE easy i will admit but,,,Cat,,,,,it just fits!!!!

-he's very good at just kind of. dealing with whatever it is that you kinda throw at him. if you randomly decide you wanna try and take up all the space on his bed (good luck, its fucking Big) that's ok, he'll just lay down next to you somehow. if you decide you wanna lay on him then whoops!! he's stuck there till you get up now lol. (the amount of times deimos and sanford come back from missions and just see him sitting on the couch with you laying on his lap is uncountable,,,each time he just makes a gesture for them to be quiet so they dont wake you)

-VERY gentle w/ you, especially after becoming a mag. he always pets you very carefully with his more normal hand because he's scared of hurting you (there was one time he'd accidentally nicked you a little with his claws and he felt SO bad, kept fussing and asking if you were alright afterwards)

-you both purr!! his is a little louder than yours naturally but he kind of. tries to force it to be quieter because he wants to hear you :[ you kind of. get him into the habit of not doing that so instead he just lays his head on your chest or stomach so he can hear / feel it

-he can pick you up so easily its really funny. exactly ONE time on a mission where you were about to get hit from behind while dealing with another grunt and he just like??? SWEPT you up off the ground and wrecked their shit. the entire time you're just kind of there like 🧍

Sanford

-I'm so serious about this one dont even TALK to me. bnnuy.

-HE JUST THINKS UR CUTE!!!!,,,,ur a lot smaller in comparison to him (dont even get him started on how you look standing next to hank or any mag agents) and it makes him go :] ,,, on that note 9/10 he's carrying you around, he just likes picking you up and holding you since it's real easy and its a way of keeping you close to him (also he likes showing off his strength to you a little bit but shhh)

-rip to you though because you've got more sensitive hearing and. if you've heard his voice lines. then you know. this man. isn't always the quietest. BUT as soon as he noticed how you kinda flinch whenever he's yelling something on a mission or to one of the others then he apologizes a bunch and does his best to keep it to a minimum around you,,

-deimos is a menace and he would try and get san to confess to you a bunch'a times and it would usually just end in him trying to like. cover your ears or something so he can tell deimos to stfu. it barely works but its funny as fuck to see your confused expression and sans flustred one to dei

-all in all he just thinks you're really cute and kind of funny...sometimes you just kind of. sit down next to him and kind of stare because you want him to pet you lmao. on that same note at some point you just kinda. got into the habit of coming to his room to lay down with / around him and he just <:']

Sheriff

-AS MUCH AS I LOVE CATPERSON + SHERIFF,,,fox,,,,,,,,

-You're incredibly sly and fast, directly complimenting his more flighty nature. he is a coward who avoids danger and you ARE said danger, u are fucking deranged <3. at first he kinda thought of you as an enemy because you kept swooping in and saving him but the entire time you kind of. dragged him around like a ragdoll SJFFDJWCDS,,,you're running off as you pull him by the hand to follow you and you like. looked over your shoulder and gave this fanged smile back at him and he just . his brain fucing exploded you killed him. he didn't stop thinking abt it for like 3 days.

-anyways. you run circles around him its crazy, you two playfight and roughouse a lot. however he did have to ban you from biting too hard because you accidentally drew blood one time,,,,,u were apologetic and you kept checking the wound to make sure it was ok and that he was doing alright,,he wont admit it but he thought it was funny to see you all worried abt him, teases you about it but you just bare your fangs (jokingly) and threaten to do it again. he just gets flustered and rolls his eyes with a little scoff.

-you make a lot of like. squeaks and yips when you're excited or otherwise kinda worked up and he thinks they're real funny. he tries to imitate them but he ends up failing and 10/10 you hear his voice crack BUT he still considers it a win when it makes you laugh so :)

-admittedly he does poke and prod a lot lmao. he likes to trace your paws and to kinda. brush against your claws a little because he thinks they're really cool. also again this mans fucking weird, he's stuck his hand in your mouth before because he wanted to fuck w/ ur sharp teeth again. you bit him. he does not do this anymore.

Hofnarr

-(looks at a very specific mutual) hey. yeah no hof cat s/o lol

-he just!!! thinsk you're neat :) he really likes how sweet you can be and also still be evil and fucked up if you so please. you cause problems on purpose and he has to get you out of trouble lmao, SO...most times you just kinda stick around him (unless u have ur own work to do) and watch what he does. sometimes he'll have you help him out with certain things, eventually you kind of just. start picking up knowledge abt this and the first time you say something before he almost messes up on something he's just kinda 'oh yeah ur right....HEY WAIT YOU REMEMBERED-' he doesn't know WHY but it just makes him happy

-it is. admittedly. a little nerve wracking. to be nonhuman. in a lab that sometimes experiments on people. and nonhuman people. for some kind of obvious reasons. so he gets a little nervous about that sometimes. he does his best to kind of keep you out of serious trouble bc of that, keeps you away from phobos or any of his higher ups like him as much as he possibly can because he's scared of what they might do to you :[

-ON A MORE LIGHT HEARTED NOTE,,,u two stay up pretty late at the lab a lot. you just kinda help him out and you both get carried away. it's not an uncommon sight to any night guards or janitors to see you both talking in the dark with only like. a kinda dim lamp on as you both work. its like 1/4 you actually getting things done and 3/4s you two just talking about whatever comes into mind, he shows his more casual and laid-back nature in these moments especially. also not uncommon for people to see you both passed out in his lab curled up against eachother lol

-pets you absentmindedly a lot,,he isn't sure why he does it he just!! does!! he just kinda subconsciously reaches for you (sometimes you have to kinda. put your head under his hand for him which he appreciates). also likes messing with ur paws and claws a little, he's a lot more careful though since he's nicked himself on your nails before

[madcom-hcs]

Second layer of Hofnarr Headcanon Hell, lets fockin goooo

-His tastes in well… everything- is either kawaii as fuck or extremely cursed, no in between. Yes he owns a longfurby. He has a clown keychain with his car keys. He puts stickers on his laptop.

-If he isn’t driving a Nexus Core issued jeep, his personal vehicle is a comically large truck with flames painted on it. He has to sit on a stack of phone books to drive it, and use extenders to reach the pedals. The truck was not made to be driven my G03lms or MAGs. He’s just very short.

-He is 4’5 tall and has mastered the heavy metal scream. Imagine that sound coming from this little marshmallow. You’re welcome.

-He can fit his whole fist in his mouth and lick his elbow. Despite being really round, he’s terrifyingly flexible.

-Sometimes he pulls pranks on Phobos. In these cases the entire science tower will be able to hear phobos scream "HOOOOOFFFNAAAARRRR" like right out of alvin and the chipmunks episode. Some science tower employees even place bets on when it will happen.

-He wears light up socks!! Totally not inspired by Spencer from iCarly. /s. it was totally inspired by Spencer from iCarly

-Have you seen a random cat walking around the science tower? That’s probably because of Hofnarr. He is a cat lady and refuses to confine them.

-No but you don’t understand, he’s literally a cat lady. If you magnified him, he would grow exactly 5 inches. Because of the cat ears he’ll get. Yeah he just stays the same size otherwise.

-Of course he has beans and purrs! All grunts can do that because they have cat DNA. But Hofnarr has a little extra, which results in the occasional meow and running on all fours to get places quicker. The latter is a trait that remains in Tricky. (I mean, look at what he does in MPN2 playground mode)

-His beans are a very pale desaturated shade of pink, with darker pink scarring. He also has beans on his peets! Which only manifests in about half of all grunts.

-Hofnarr is leucistic! He has a big white spot that covers his belly and chest, he also has socks that go up to his mid-shins. Most grunts don’t get markings like actual cats, but this mf is a tuxedo cat.

-He’s not a fluffy grunt in the normal sense, but the extra cat dna made his skin take on a velvety, almost flocked feeling texture. So he quite literally feels like a squishmallow!

-The most noticeable catlike trait he lacks is his balance. It’s bad! Cats always land on their feet, huh? Nah, this one lands on his face.

-Expanding on this, his balance is terrible to the point where most of the head scientist work he does is actually computer stuff. Mf needs to sit, you can knock him over by tapping him on the shoulder too suddenly.

-His teeth are not super catlike. The bottom is like a regular human’s, but the top set has three fangs on each side.

.

[huebris808]

Dr. Hofnarr’s Horrible, No-Good, Very Weird 15 Years Of Being Dead.

a tribute to fanon interpretations/character study(?) that was going to be a bonus chapter in a post-canon/au comedy fic im working on! might come back to expand on this when i do start posting it (or if mpn gives him more background story lore that i’ll have to work with aoAHGHOAUGH)

happy madness day! :o)

“Where should I begin… Perhaps at the very beginning? OH! Christoff and I first met years before our Nexus days! Back in our freshman years of college, to be precise! You know, I was actually a theater major before switching to- ... A-Aah, too far back. Much too far... Let’s start from the point where the notes I supplied to you ended then, shall we? After our dissension...”

.. “Good luck, old friend...” ..

The first years on the run from Nexus was stressful to say the least. Hofnarr and Christoff had split up to better their chances of survival. He knew the process would be grueling, having talked to Christoff almost every night about it to calm his nerves. While he played calm for the cameras, Hofnarr truly wished he could have held him close one last time. No communications. No physical contact. Day after day, month after month, nothing. He would be separated from his husband for a very long time…

It wasn’t all bad after a while. He had a comfortable new apartment, went under a new alias, and his questionable new job paid him enough to buy food. His apartment even had cable! He could watch marathons of Slaughter Time whenever he got home! In hindsight, he wondered if that had an effect on his mental state at the time...

Hofnarr had taken the last of his S3LF regulator with him, having shipped them out to an undisclosed location prior to dissension. Dissonance exposure did a number on him and his research team, leaving them to track their “normality” through daily blood tests and injections. While they met their fates early on, Hofnarr had gotten lucky. That is, until the doses began to run out.

Stressful as it was, he knew what he had to do. Hofnarr rushed back to what remained of the labs, knowing it had been abandoned by now. It was ironic, he and Christoff’s work, the work that was turned against them, was the one thing keeping him alive. For days, he worked to make more doses from the materials he brought with him. But there was only so much he could do with limited supplies… Hofnarr made many attempts to prolong the inevitable, lowering his dosage amount, injecting it weekly rather than daily, but he eventually ran dry. 

Refusing to turn to darker alternatives, he felt the only thing he could do at this point is record his final findings through video logs.

“It was… interesting revisiting the footage, to put it nicely. Christoff had actually kept the video files on a drive after he originally found all my things in the lab! I barely remembered what happened back then, so I rewatched them out of curiosity.”

On the first night, Hofnarr recorded a message for Christoff. One filled with sorrow, but also with gratitude. For the time that they spent together. How special he made him feel. All the memories they made together...

On the next, he recorded a log detailing his findings during Project Nexus. The effects of dissonance, the Other Place, what it did to him and his colleagues, everything and anything he could.

The next, he reported on the progression of his symptoms. Fever, brain fog, insomnia, joint pain. He felt like his organs were melting, his skin bursting at the seams.

The next night he saw something and remembered. Scars. The scars on his head. That week he was in the staff hospital. He thought it was a dream but the scars were there. Phobos. Director Phobos brought him somewhere that week. He knew he felt off when he woke up in the office that night. He knew something was off when Christoff asked him where he was. He thought he passed out from over-working. That bastard Phobos. Nausea was replaced with rage as he began to scream, his throat becoming raw. What did he put in him? What the hell did he put inside him!?

On the last recorded log, he was face-down on the ground. Groaning as his body occasionally convulsed. Until the video feed eventually cut off.

His body would lay there dormant, dead, for fifteen years. 

But to Hofnarr, he felt like he was dreaming.

.. “LET’S GIVE IT UP FOR OUR NEXT CONTESTANT!” ..

“Huh?” The doctor sat up and looked around, the area around him pitch black. Wasn’t he sleeping just a moment ago? He got up and took a step forward in the seemingly endless void. “H-Hello? Who’s out there?”

“AWW, DON’T BE SHY NOW! ESTEEMED AUDIENCE, A BIG ROUND OF APPLAUSE FOR OUR GUEST; THE UNFORTUNATE DOCTOR HOFNARR!”

A light shined down on him from above. A crowd seemingly began to cheer all around him. He was in the center of what looked like a talk show set. Hofnarr awkwardly scratched the corner of his face. “‘Unfortunate’? W-What do you mean? W-Who are you?”

“FIGHT FIRST, ASK QUESTIONS LATER!” The voice above him called out again. “AFTER ALL, IT’S…!” Hofnarr drowned out the noise while trying to think. It sounded familiar. Like it came from…

Hofnarr’s thoughts were cut short. He looked down at his torso. Terror set in as he recognized an entire stop sign had been lodged through his chest.

“DON’T GET COLD FEET NOW! THE SHOW’S ONLY JUST BEGUN!” 

The words echoed in Hofnarr’s mind as he frantically tried to pull it out, his vision growing muddled, his hands slipping with blood until…

He blinked.

No stage. No sound. No pain.

Nothing around except for a single white door in front of him.

He stood up again, cautiously reaching for the doorknob.

When he entered he seemed to be in a vintage styled home. It was a kitchen with checkerboard flooring, a table with two chairs, and cheerful music playing through a small radio. It smelled of pastry and medical equipment. Suddenly, there was a knock coming from the door. A familiar voice called from behind it.

“I’m home, dear.” “J-Jeb?!”

Hofnarr rushed towards the front door. Christoff wasn’t trapped here too, was he? “Jeb! W-where are we!? What is this place? What happened to-”

As he opened the door, the clapping returned.

His husband was there, briefcase in hand, his face replaced with a black hole dripping with an unknown inky substance.

He slowly began to back away as “Jeb” moved closer.

The applause, the laughter, was deafening.

Before he could question or run away, Hofnarr was hit by something. His vision blurred, but refocused to be face-to-face with something. It seemed to be a shadow of himself. He tried to run again, but was pinned down by his doppelganger. The clone raised a clawed hand above him and then...

Like waking from a nightmare, Hofnarr quickly sat up once again. He gasped for air, dripping with cold sweat.

Was this really happening? Was it finally over? Was he free?

And then the spotlight focused on him again.

“It… got very surreal. Despite fight after fight, death after painful death... I would suddenly be somewhere else! There was a gameshow, our old apartment, a cat cafe, a... strip club of sorts, a tea room filled with these small armless doodles I used to draw on my research notes trying to offer me snacks… One time there was a sort of singing contest, but I won’t bore you with the details of that one. But when I wasn’t in those places, I felt like I was fighting for my life. It felt like an eternity! And the strangest part of it all? It… it became addicting.”

At first, he felt as if Hofnarr used all of his energy, physical and emotional, to fight back. It reminded him too much of his escape from Nexus. But as time went on, he focused less on escaping and more on surviving. The more he fought, the more he began to lose himself. He was anticipating what sudden whiplash of combat would be thrown at him next. He chuckled at the thought of what excitement would be heading his way. He wanted more. The fights became too slow. Too predictable. Too boring. He began toying with whatever was thrown at him. Turning his shadowy hunters into the hunted. Why let his audience watch the same old fights all the time?

Suddenly, the fighting stopped.

Why? 

He was having fun, wasn’t he? He grew impatient.

“WHAT’S THE HOLD UP!” He yelled into the void, seething with anger. “AREN’T WE SUPPOSED TO BE FIGHTING? ISN’T THAT WHAT I’M HERE FOR?!”

He stomped his foot down, lodging something out of the ground.

The stop sign.

He looked over it curiously. How familiar…

Grabbing hold of it, quick flashes of memories appeared to him.

Nexus, the Science Tower, Phobos, the Other Place… 

A man with long hair standing next to...

Hofnarr… 

Who was that? Was that him?

No…

Only Tricky remained.

Footsteps echoed throughout the halls of the abandoned lab. Heels quickly clicking, cautiously stopping every so often. A lone Nexus Core agent entered through one of the doors.

Perfect timing.

“HAY! YOU THERE!!” A voice stuttered and glitched out, reverberating through the emptiness of the lab. The quickly soldier whipped their head around. “YEAH! YOU, STUPID. PLAY WITH ME!!”

“Who’s there?” The agent pointed their magnum towards the noise. “Show yourself!”

Gladly. The cackling figure emerged from the shadows, posing with a peace-sign, causing the agent to recoil. He grinned, slowly moving towards the cowering goon on the ground. They wouldn’t stand a chance.

“Who are you!?”

They couldn’t kill him.

“FIGHT FIRST. ASK QUESTIONS LATER! AFTER ALL…” 

CAN’T KILL CLOWN.

“IT’S MURDER TIME!”

..

“My body had been there, regenerating and repeating the enmeshment process for years. And by the time I woke up, I was a completely different person. I became a creature of unfiltered impulse… A personification of chaos itself.”

The room grew silent before Hofnarr spoke up again.

“I-Is it horrible to say it was… kind of cool?” He said with a nervous chuckle, twiddling his fingers.

2BDamned was quiet for a moment. They recalled the many times they had to stitch their comrades back together due to Clown Moments. They placed their head in their palms and let out a sigh.

“... You have the right to your own opinion.”

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

BONUS: songs i was listening to on loop while working on this instead of doing my damned writing assignment. Enjoy

lady gaga ft. dorian electra - replay

vestik - tricky's vengeance ft. monocronic

[gnocchighoul]

Scenario: surprising luci by getting up early to make him breakfast uwu

Sometimes, you think that you’ve been cursed.

Logically, you know that you haven’t been, though. Lucifer would have blown a gasket if anyone even attempted to.

No, the only curse wrought upon you is one of your own making. 

Your sleep schedule is the stuff of nightmares. If it wasn’t awful before you lived in the Devildom, it sure as hell is now. Seriously, you could be the poster-child for insomnia. It really only took a few weeks for your body’s internal clock to tick out of wack—now, months later, there’s no hope of salvaging it.

But it’s not like you wanted this to happen! You’ve tried to fix it, but your method of lounging under a stupid sun lamp for a few hours each day wasn’t enough to combat the fucking everlasting night of the Devildom. 

So, yeah. Your sleep schedule is fucked.

Which is why you’re awake in the wee hours of the morning, staring up at the ceiling with bleary eyes while Lucifer sleeps soundly next to you. 

Which, y'know, actually makes this whole insomnia thing a little bit easier to bear. Not to sound like a creep or anything, but you like to watch him sleep.

... Actually that sounded really creepy, hold on.

It’s not like you're some kind of weird voyeur or anything—you hope—it's just nice to see him relaxed, for once. That little concerned notch in his brow finally smoothed over, his shoulders no longer painfully taut. 

He’s hugging his pillow and totally drooling into it. The cat is curled up on the small of his lower back, right above the waistline of his pants, gently kneading his butt in her sleep. Makin’ biscuits out of that ‘tush. 

(Even though he constantly bitches about how Tater Tot’s white hair gets all over everything, those two are inseparable now.)

(He’s so fucking whipped for that cat.)

They’re just so fucking cute and you’re so full of love that if you don’t pour it into something right this instant, your heart is gonna start doing backflips, anatomically impossible or otherwise. You would just attack Lucifer or Tater Tot with your love, but they’re asleep, so unfortunately, you’re in need of a different outlet.

So, just like Tater Tot, you decide that you should go put on your chef hat and surprise Lucifer with breakfast. 

Now you just need to sneak out of bed.

Which is fine. It’s totally fine. You can totally do it. You’re a master of stealth and sneakery. But not like the shoes, more like the secret mission type. Oh yeah, from now on, everyone should just call you 007 with how incredibly sneaky you are. Just a little bit further now, you’ve already got one foot touching the floor, you just need to slooooowly slide your butt off the mattress and—

“Get back here.”

You most certainly do not let out a startled yelp or nearly jump a foot in the air, I dunno who told you that.

...Well, shit. There goes your short-lived dream of being a spy. So long, farewell, adieu. 

“Where are you going?” 

Both Lucifer and the cat are now glaring at you with mirrored expressions of betrayal. You wilt a little bit under the intensity of their gazes.

A bit sheepishly, you rub at the back of your neck. “I was gonna surprise you with breakfast.” 

Tater Tot looks at Lucifer as if to say, Do you hear this shit, Dad? 

Lucifer frowns. You can practically see the cogs in his brain churning away slowly, struggling to cut through the fogginess of sleep. “But it’s Mammon’s day to cook?”

“Well yeah, that’s why it would be a surprise.”

Lucifer makes a face. You’re not sure if it’s meant to be a pout, a grimace, or a glare. Perhaps it’s a poumaceare. 

“Don’t go. I’d rather have you.” 

...Damn.

Well, he doesn’t have to tell you twice, that’s for sure.

You flop back onto the mattress—Lucifer hooks an arm around your waist and pulls you snug up against him, with zero possibility of escape. Even Tater Tot places a vigilant paw on your hip.

Needy children, both of them.

“Really? Even you, Tater Tot?” you huff. 

She meeps at you.

“Don’t respond to that name, Phobos. It’s disrespectful.” Lucifer says, turning his head to look at her. You swear on Mammon’s life that the cat actually nods back at him.

You smack Lucifer’s arm. “Stop trying to put a rift between me and my child, you ass. She loves her name. Isn’t that right, Tater?” 

Your heart swells with pride when your furbaby meows back at you. Lucifer sighs bone deep and drops his head back onto the pillow. He pokes your tummy.

“Don’t be so smug. I can feel it, you know.”

Ah, yes. Pact perks. 

You grin. “We could’ve avoided this if you had just let me surprise you with breakfast.”

He squeezes you like a stress ball. “I don’t care. Go to sleep before I make you.”

There’s a saying that instantly comes to mind—something about not poking at bears. But you don’t really care about ‘wise expressions’, so you just stomp that thought down and do it anyways.

You poke his cheek and say, “Ooo, someone’s feeling spicy~” 

Lucifer smiles at you, wayyyyy too nicely. The pads of his fingertips skating up your chest to press teasingly against your throat, and you think, perhaps it’s time to re-evaluate some of your life choices.

“Do you really wish to find out?” 

...Fuck.

[sad-boy-hank]

Kso, [tucks hair behind ear] because i might be simping for an 8ft roided out humanization of mr. clean's dead grey ballsack (Mr. X). I'm just gonna ramble ab an resident evil mpn au real quick (I've only played 1 through 5 bare with me I Want to kiss vamp lady but im broke);

aahw starts out as a pharmaceutical company that decides they should prepare and strengthen the subject vessels before stuffing the s3lf energies back in but this ends up with rapidly mutating zeds roaming nevada. Phobos just sees it as potential personal bonuses for when he finally figures out how to apply it to Gestalt but without his crimes against grunt morality coming to bite him in the ass.

I don't have the heart to make Christoff or Hoffnar play the roles of Annette and William Birken as much as I'm in love with the idea of Tricky being a tyrant variant he's going to have to be his own feral case, likely trying to stop Crackpot from injecting himself with a bioweapon variety when having enough of a cat n mouse game with Sanford n Deimos (taking on roles of Claire and Leon, respectively).

Crackpot is selfish enough to take on the role of William Birken so he gets B.O.W. rights. as a treat.

Hank (Mr. X, my Detested. wasted too many grenades on him only to find out post chapter that you can't fucking kill him on the lower levels) is sent to destroy any lasting evidence of the Company's previous projects outside of making vaccines and cough medication, this includes the S.P.D. (I suck at coming up with names for the madcom universe so I just use actual places in nevada </3 sparks city police department, will not be based on the irl buildings though bc they don't fit the madcom aesthetic). Which deimos had just recently joined, the night of elimination being his first day. Now, Hank was going to kill him but Sanford got a lucky shot in and ended up shooting off the chip on the side of Hank's head that kept them on track with the Organization's orders. He doesn't ever forget his original orders and wants to complete them on his own but the moment San yells at them to drop Dei they listen. San took off the radio so he must be their new handler right? Now Sanford and Deimos have a B.O.W. that no so secretly wants to kill them but prioritizes their orders as long as it's never too off track from his original.

Sanford was just lookin to visit his family for the first time in forever, Deimos was just living his silly little life. Now they gotta worry about escaping a more than usually hostile environment and hopefully figure what the fuck is going on. If when they get out they're goin out for mcdonalds gil's.

In Christoff's mission to stop Phobo's projects from causing any more harm and attempting to find a way to cure Hoffnar, (who he assumes is still in a freezer to prevent the infection to progress in ways that'll make recovery impossible) finds himself working with a leech operator (Sheriff gets a little Jill Valentine RE5 treatment, </3) in charge of getting rid of anyone who attempts to leave the state/ccounty?? to get information on who is where and who he has to confront in order to save the world and his fiancé

I can't decide if I want Church and Jorge to be leech queens or two tyrant variants like Hank just working under Sheriff's care? Yeah I'll go with the second [: defective n rowdy tyrants but they'll listen to their weak ass supervisor because she's just a silly goofy gal that shove parasites down people's throats sometimes and gives them kisses on the forehead.

idk what to do for doc yet but if literally anyone reading has suggestions I'd be happy to sit!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I JUST WOKE UP BUT HNGH <3333

[redspecialstardust]

My Random Commander Meouch Headcanons pt 2 Requested by @heartsinclaire

Gif by twrpgifs

Definitely enjoys chasing things; maybe a little too much. When trying to help the guys catch a pest such as a raccoon in their trash, a possum in the attic etc., he goes full hunter mode, running it down and catching it by the tail with his teeth. By the time the rest of TWRP has caught up to him, they're greeted by the horrific sight of Meouch dangling a panicked critter over his open jaws, ready to swallow, but Haave normally grabs him the scruff of his neck

"Commander, drop it."

*growls*

"That's an order!"

*growls, spitting it out"

When he sees a bird through the window, he doesn't have any desire to chase. The neighbors across the street, however, own a large number of chickens that they let roam around on their front lawn., and it drives Meouch crazy; all that fresh meat, right there for the taking. He'll stare out the window, eye wide, mouth watering and claws sliding out. Of course, Sung won't let those poor little chickens get hurt.

"Meouch, noooooo."

"Ughhhh, so much meat! I need it!"

Keeping a predator away from its food is equivalent to weaning a junkie off their drugs, so Meouch does have some type of withdrawal as he tries to resist the urge to kill. To get the killer instinct off his mind, Sung and the others will watch TV with him, maybe give him a beef jerky stick to nibble on until he's calmed down and too distracted with the movie/show he's watching. By that time, the neighbors have their chickens locked up for the night.

Kinda mad about the whole pet/owner dynamic at first. Like, people keep these little animals on chains and leashes? Determining when they get to eat and go out? That sucks! Like, set the free! For the most part, felt upset until he found out that some people keep lions, tigers, and all kinds of big cats locked up too. Then he was TERRFIED. He thought that someone might take him and put him in a zoo or skin him for fur. Still kind of is, but has calmed down since his friends promised to take care of him. But please in the name of all things funky, DON'T mention Joe Exotic or Carole Baskins to him.

TV: "That bitch, Carole--"

Meouch: *smashes screen in*

Surprisingly enjoys climbing trees since he has the coordination of a human and cat. Feels proud he can go up and down a tree without any trouble or fear of getting stuck. In fact, he likes to climb great big ones and sit on the branches, feeling the wind blow through his mane. A truly nice place to light one and relax.

Obviously a napper. He's that one friend who's always sleepy and takes three hour naps. He has designated places to rest such as his own bed, a large beanbag chair in the living room, and of course the hammock out back. The hammock is his favorite spot because it's right in the sun where it's always warm. Easy to tell if he's dreaming because his ears will flick and his bean toes will twitch. Tail might even swish.

Has cried while watching the Land Before Time, don't @ him. Littlefoot losing his mom is just the saddest damn thing he's ever seen and if it didn't make you cry, then you're a monster. Worse than Haave.

Wanna hypnotize him? Turn the tv on to some ocean themed stock footage of fish swimming around and he'll be powerless. Can't...take...eyes...away... Like seriously, he's tried watching Finding Nemo five times now, and still couldn't tell you what it was about because it put him in a trance. Does he mind? No, it's relaxing. NO THOUGHTS. HEAD EMPTY. ONLY FISH.

Thinks he's a tough guy, eh? See how tough he is when he's scratched under his chin or behind the ears. He is then instant pudding; Salted Caramel flavored.

"Wait'll i get my paws on that bastard who cut me off on the freeway this morning! He's dead meat!"

Phobos: Oh, stop. Calm down before your blood pressure goes through the roof.

Meouch: No I WON'T calm down! I'm gonna rip his arms off, and then shove 'em up his---!"

Phobos: *Starts giving him scritches*

Meouch: *Instantly stops as his eyes roll and purring ensues* "H-hey, I'm s-still gonna..."

Phobos: Relax, tough guy. You showed him.

Meouch: Yeah...I sure did...

THAT'S IT FOR NOW! Want more? Maybe I'll continue in the future! :)

[alixsgardenofnope]

What The Music Does: To You, To Me

I did some more writing, because I felt like it, and it’s a good way to waste time while I wait around for a delivery.

[Warnings moving ahead: Kind of sad/ominous undertones, brief depiction of a mild panic attack.]

With this in mind, please proceed at your own discretion.

. . . . .

If Havve still had a normal stomach, he might have felt the dread pooling in the pit of it as the navigation system chimes and a robotic voice announces their arrival in the atmosphere of MC-473. The planet is small and devoid of intelligent lifeforms, so far as the scanners can tell, but they’ve been wrong before, and MC-473 has a habit of doling out unwanted surprises, looking away from the computer screens, Havve’s gaze land on Sung, only to find himself locking eyes with the other before both stiffly, and awkwardly turn away.

Sung remembers this place, too, then. 

Havve shakes his head to clear his mind and returns to his work.

As they descend as quickly, and carefully, as they can manage, Havve hears a sharp inhale of breath to his right and instinctively snaps his head in that direction, seeing Phobos, golden eyes wide open, as he stares, unblinking, out the observation window at the planet’s surface below. It’s hard to tell from this distance if the sound is one of shock or amaze.

MC-473 is arguably a very pretty world, a many colored canvas of strange yet beautiful plantlife, littered with massive crystal structures that catch the light of the sun in just the right way to paint the afternoon sky a soft pink, making everything glitter and shine. Looking at it now, Havve can see why researchers had come here the first time; the brightness and sparkle of it all must have seemed promising back then, but looking at all the abandoned labs and abandoned mining equipment, it’s obvious all this accursed place is is a giant, glimmering lie, and a beacon of false hope.

It takes around two hours after they land for the group to exit the ship, though Havve would rather not leave at all, having to stick to protocol and make sure everything is secure and in place before getting feet on the ground. Looking around at the rest of the group, Havve has to tap his hand on the window to draw Phobos away from it, watching the man startle slightly as he looks up at him. 

Tentatively, Havve signs to him, “Are you feeling sick?”, furrowing his brow as much as his face will allow.

Phobos shakes his head, adjusting the collar around his neck, fiddling with a button on the side before replying with a clipped, “All good.”

When had he turned his translator off? Why was it off? Havve pats the smaller man’s shoulder, nodding to him before signing loosely, “Ten minutes.”

Phobos hums, hand still pressed to the collar, twisting it side to side.

‘He’s fidgeting.’ Havve sighs internally, ‘Something is wrong here. I’ll have to keep an eye on him.’

As they make their way across the landing platform, Sung is busy chatting with Meouch, who had been quieter than usual upon arrival, much like Phobos had been, but it’s a different kind of quiet, almost remorseful in a way, but when he looks over to their friend, his face doesn’t show even the slightest hint of sadness or guilt.

‘Am I projecting his feelings onto others again?’ Havve wonders, scanning the nearby outbuildings for any signs of life, and then rescanning them as they walk away. Nothing.

‘There’s nothing here, thank the stars.’

Just as he lets his shoulders drop, the tension leaving his body, he feels something press against his back and startles, twisting around at light speed, hand already reaching for the gun on his hip, but he freezes when he sees Phobos’ head hanging there.

“I can’t...” Phobos wheezes, “I can’t...” 

Havve turns back to call out to the others, but they’re already out of range, examining a bent over and rusty looking radio tower, and something tells him that drawing more attention to whatever is wrong with their companion might just make it worse.

Carefully, Havve shifts, looking back at Phobos once more before turning around to face him head on, hand shakily reaching out towards him before dropping back down to his side. No, he shouldn’t touch him, it’s like when Sung has one of his bad days, touching isn’t a good idea, he has to...

Lowering the volume on his mask, Havve makes lets out a little cough, drawing Phobos’ attention up to him, Havve winces as he sees Phobos’ eyes through his visor; they have a noticeable darkness to them. Physically, Phobos is very much in front of him right now, but mentally he’s somewhere else.

Although it’s definitely not the best decision in the world, Havve claps his hands together, making Phobos jump slightly, and watches as his vision clears.

“Havve...?” 

He nods.

Phobos looks around them, “Meouch and Sung...?”

Havve gestures ahead of them, thankfully the others are still examining the radio tower, discussing something quietly between one another, he signs, “Sick?”

There’s a pause as Phobos reaches a hand up to his neck again before lowering it, raising the other and moving them both inward, palms facing his chest, “Afraid.” he replies with his hands.

Havve’s lip twitches, “Why are you afraid?” he asks, watching as Phobos flexes his fingers.

“Familiar.” is all he says before a cheerful voice breaks the silence.

“Hey, ya nerds, pick up the pace, we have a rover to collect!” Sung calls out, waving at them enthusiastically, “If you don’t hurry up, I’m gonna go explore this unfamiliar and dangerous planet without you and get eaten by a lizard monster or something~!”

Havve wants to tell him there aren’t any lizard monsters on MC-473, but honestly he doesn’t know what could be living on this godforsaken rock nowadays, so he stays quiet, looking to Phobos, “Are you alright with going further?” 

Phobos kicks a loose rock with his foot before placing his hands on his hips and nodding determinedly, “I’d rather march into potential danger with friends than be alone right now.” he admits.

Havve nods, but then signs between them so the others can’t see, “Tell me if you need to return to the ship and I will go with you.”

As they continue their journey across MC-473, with Sung leading the way, chirping out a random tune in a language that Havve recognizes but no longer understands, Phobos remains a bit out of it, but is less noticeably distracted as he joins in with the peculiar song their leader is singing.

“Whatcha guys singing?” Meouch asks after they reach the third or fourth verse, “It’s starting to get a bit creepy.”

“I don’t know!” Sung laughs, “Or more like, don’t remember~!” 

“What?” the cat frowns, “Then why...?” he gestures vaguely, looking to Havve, who merely shrugs.

“More to the point, how do both of you know it?”

Phobos, who is still dully humming the song, pauses and looks up at one of the large crystals piercing the ground, gliding a hand across it thoughtfully, “It’s... It’s hard to explain. I just... know it? Not here-” he taps the side of his helmet, “-but here.” he hits his chest lightly.

Sung nods, folding his arms, “It’s just there.”

“Well, can you stop?” Meouch asks, voice wobbling slightly, “The lyrics are ominous as hell.”

Havve tenses, ‘Meouch can understand it?’

“Really?” Phobos muses aloud, “I think it’s kind of comforting in my opinion.”

Sung nods in agreement with Phobos, the two looking at each other with some weird sense of understanding, before they ultimately stop singing... The song, however, continues and the group stills.

Havve closes his eyes and listens, audibly releasing a sigh of relief and uttering, “Echo.”

“Makes sense.” Sung says, hitting a nearby crystal with his knuckles, “These things are like glass, they carry vibrations well... That’s good to know moving forward, despite the looks of these things, they’re not very sturdy, making too much noise might cause them to break.”

Meouch crosses his arms, “No more singing then?” he asks, visibly nervous.

“No more singing.” Sung confirms, continuing forward, “It was a catchy tune though.”

“Yeah...” Phobos murmurs almost wistfully. 

“Again, it was freaking creepy.” Meouch says, following after Sung, “How can a song about death and destruction be ‘catchy’ or ‘comforting’?”

Havve looks between them, raising an eyebrow as Sung splutters out, “It’s not about something like that, it’s about hope!”

“How is it about hope, when it uses the line ‘all was lost and never to be found again’??” 

As the two argue back and forth, occasionally elbowing the other, Havve turns his attention to Phobos, whose mood has lifted significantly from earlier, tapping his arm, signing, “What does the song make you think about?” as they climb up to the top of a hill, looking out over a sea of glowing crystals, “Hope?”

Phobos smiles, “Home.”

Despite the relaxed tone of his friend’s voice, Havve feels his stomach twist.

“I am... home.”

[markusxcamlann]

🍎 alarick

🍎 a time my muse felt safe with yours.

"Lovely his body's grace, that spring-tide hour of beauty, which long since freed Ganymede--so willed Kypris--from death's relentless power." -   Pindar, Olympian Ode 10. 102 ff

“These animals are out of fucking control.” Alarick stated.

Markus looked up from the couch, perplexed as the serval on his lap looked at the werewolf and hissed as its ears ducked behind its head. Zeus took a few steps back but Alarick’s brow only furrowed as a result. On the wall the ant farm that the witch had cultured was tunnelled and varied with thousands of the insects, a tegu wandered across the floor, eager for warmth before Markus reached down and picked the overgrown and fat lizard baby. 

The serval jumped from his lap and chased after Zeus, quickly overcome they wrestled playfully under the kitchen table. The surface jumped a few times as they continued to playfully tussle. A few chairs were pushed out as they kept playing. 

The ravens in the rookery outside cawed loudly, Phobos had recovered and had rejoined the others, but they wanted out, and the witch intended to release them soon. They were good for recon, but he enjoyed their company. 

A pair of domestic house cats brushed up against Alarick’s legs and meowed idly before Markus dismissed them with a wave of his hand and a small flex of magic. The witch stood, cradling the tegu in his arms as its tongue flicked out and back in, there were more, they had a whole salt water aquarium in the back. 

“What do you mean?” Markus asked, surprised, he set the tegu down on his heated rock and turned his attention to the man he was cohabiting with. Partner? Sex friend? Markus knew what they were, but Alarick was yet to ask for a label, so the witch kept it to himself. 

“You know what I’m fucking talking about.” The werewolf argued, but Markus did little more than roll his eyes, 

“Come here,” Markus waved his hand as he led the man to the study and retrieved a long, flat case, Alarick looked concerned as the witch unlatched it. He lifted the lid and assembled the long flute within, “I procured this recently - it’ll enhance the range of my magic so that I can-”

“Oh for fuck’s sake!” Alarick yelled, when Markus turned the werewolf was massaging his furrowed brow with his fingers. “No more cats, no more birds, no more lizards, or fish, or insects, or fucking magic.” Markus set the flute down and stepped forward, he grabbed Alarick’s hand with his own, the flat of his thumb rubbed idly along warn down knuckles.

“But Zeus is okay?”

Alarick looked sheepish and shrugged. “Yeah, dogs are cool.”

“I see.” Markus smirked, “Weren’t you supposed to meet with your realtor today?” The witch asked, curious eyes fixed on the man who had a great many demands with what Markus decided to fill his home with and how he occupied his time. 

“Well, yeah, but I cancelled it.” Alarick pointed out the window, “It’s supposed to rain, so, y’know.” 

“Right. Rain.”

“What?”

“I’ll make you a deal, tell your realtor you don’t need a place, and I’ll stop bringing home stray cats.” Markus offered, it felt a fair deal.

“But where would I live?” Alarick asked, confused. Markus shook his head and gripped the back of the man’s neck with his free hand to pull their lips together. 

“Here, idiot.”

[werewolfharrington]

& all the greek mythology asks

Aether- Name?

fox or sometimes nate. i also have my real name but i don’t trust 99% of people with it, so, those two it is.

Anteros- Sexuality?

queer 

Apollo- Gender?

no

Ares- Favourite movie?

princess mononoke or treasure planet

Artemis- Favourite time of day?

night

Asclepius- Favourite animal?

foxes, possums are close second

Athena- Favourite thing to learn about?

world history/ancient civilisations

Atlas- Favourite myth?

cain and abel 

Cerberus- Dog or cat person?

i have a preference for dogs but i love them both sm 

Cronus- Favourite food?

baklava

Cyclopes- What’s your favourite joke?

my life

Dionysus- Favourite drink?

either wild cherry capri sun or fireball

Eros- Are you in love?

uh yeah, i sure hope i am (very much so)

Hades- Greatest fear?

idk ? sometimes i think abt whats gonna happen to my loved ones if/when i die and that stresses me the fuck out

Helios- Night or day person?

night timeeeeeeee

Hephaestus- What is your favourite form of art?

music

Hermes- Do you like traveling? Where is one place you want to travel to?

love travelling. would do it more if i had the money or time. i wanna go to alaska!!! or ireland and scotland

Hypnos- On average, how much sleep do you try to get every night?

enough

Icarus- How would you describe yourself?

Labyrinth- Do you have a good sense of direction/do you get lost easily?

depends? im usually alright with navigation

Medusa- Do you have any pets?

i have my rat bastard german shepherd, Bear

Odysseus- Do you finish tasks quicker, or does it take time for you to get through them?

HAHA . i have adhd so i never know! it depends! 

Pandora’s Box- What is a mistake you’ve made that you regret?

getting piss drunk at the furry con   

Pegasus- What is your relationship with your parents like?

mom and i are pretty close. my dad is just. yeah.

Persephone- What is your “type”?

my girlfriend is my type 

Phobos- Do you think it’s okay to be afraid of things?

yeah???? why wouldn’t that be okay??? i’m terrified of old people 

Poseidon- Do you like to swim?

yeah! love being moist 

Prometheus- If you could have any one ability, what would it be?

shapeshifter ??? ‘i wanna be a cowboy baby’ i say before i transform into a cowboy

River Styx- What do you think happens when we die?

well, our bones and bodies return to the earth and our souls? idk. i think maybe they exist on a plane just slightly above the one we occupy right now. i like the concept of valhalla and afterlife stuff but i’m not entirely subscribed

Titans- If you could go anywhere in time, when would you want to go?

i wanna go to medieval europe and start a mosh pit in a royal court somewhere. in seriousness i wanna go to the golden age of piracy. i want to be a pirate so bad

Zeus- Favourite weather?

snow !!!

jfc that was a lot. thank you liz. ilu