#yeah its about him and immortality and how he’ll change and how he wont change and i’ll love them all

[utterdrip]

sorry i’ll love you til the end of time. sorry i want to be with you forever and that i want to learn and love all these versions of you. sorry that i want to find you in every lifetime and love and adore that you as well. sorry that i want to look for you in everything mundane to make it special. sorry that every version of you that ive known is my favorite and sorry that youre all i want

[platinummice]

This was a lot more that i thought for some reason, the answers are pretty short and to the point so if you want me to elaborate on something a bit more feel free to ask :)

@rockshortage

What of the Meyers-Briggs personality types they most fit into? INFP, ENFT, et cetera…

Did a take a test to figure this out? Why yes, yes I did. ISFP-T, or Adventurer is what I got for Archer.

Do they have any emotional or psychological conditions? Are they aware of it? Do they try to treat it?

He sure does, but he doesn’t really know what it is. He mostly just thinks he’s going literally insane. It’s a pretty big reason for him not sticking around people very much even though he craves affection.

Are they good at handling change in their life?

No not really, Archer has a hard time, now more than ever trying to keep his simple life together, he’d prefer it not change as much as possible.

Is your OC a martyr?

He tries pretty hard not to be, or at least to not show that he is. He sees the truth though.

Does your OC make a lot of excuses? For themselves? Others?

Archer is pretty straight forward, if he fucked up he’ll say something. But he’ll make things up for others if he like them enough.

Does your OC compromise easily? Too easily?

I guess it depends? If its not something that matters very much, compromise will be easier, but if he thinks it’s important then he’s going to be harder to bargain with.

Does your OC put others’ needs before their own?

Only his dogs and his friends needs get put before his own. Anyone else? so sorry.

Does your OC have any addictions? If so and problematic, have they admitted it to themselves?

He’s addicted to taking in animals? Seems harmless, but in truth he does it so he has a reason to keep living, which isn’t healthy. I can’t say he’d still be alive if he hadn’t taken Ranger and Fletcher with him the day those raiders killed the rest of his dogs. 

Does your OC have any phobias? If so, where did they come from?

He’s terrified of needles. Thanks mom and dad.

Is your character empathetic?

He is, but that doesn’t mean he’s going to care.

Is your character observant?

Yes, very. Probably because he works with animals a lot, and its very important to notice their body language, so he can read people and situations pretty well. Plus he’s more of a sniper so being observant is important.

What’s one of your OC’s proudest moments of themselves?

He was really proud when he finished building his house, and all the furniture for it.  

Do they get jealous easily? Do they feel bad if they do?

He doesn’t get jealous very easily, but even when he does he doesn’t bring it up. He’ll sulk around a bit, and when asked he’ll say he fine. He wont really feel bad about if? Its just an emotion, it happens sometimes.

What instantly irritates them or puts them in a bad mood?

Seeing people hurt animals for no reason. He will throw down. Might not win, but its the thought that counts.

Are they harsh on themselves?

YES.

Do they make excuses often?

Nah he’s pretty fast to admit when he’s doing something wrong.

Is your OC intended to be found generally attractive? Unattractive? Average? Is there a reason why?

I mean i didn’t make him like super ugly? But i wasn’t going for amazingly attractive either, so average i guess?

Does your OC place much importance on their appearance? Do they feel confident in it?

He wears a mask all the time so he really doesn’t care. I mean at one point he had tore most of his hair out and just had a few scattered clumps clinging to his head, but people couldn’t see his face so it didn’t matter to him.

What are some of your OC’s biggest personal obstacles? This could be emotional, physical, social… Are they aware of it? Are they trying to overcome it?

He got some damn big emotional problems, and he recognizes some, like his slowly diminishing will to live. But things like his urge to have someone else control his entire existence he doesn’t really realize are problems. 

Do they believe you have to give respect to get it, or get respect to give it?

Everyone starts off with a set amount of respect. You either get more or have it taken away depending on your actions.

Is your OC considered funny? Do they believe they’re funny?

Arch can be pretty funny, if he has anything its a sense of humor.

Does your OC find any “bad” or “mean” humor funny? Do they wish they didn’t?

Yeah he does, what can you do. No guilt will stop him.

Do they have a large or small group of friends?

He has two dogs and sometimes he works with a stinky man. He thinks Gage is a friend but does Gage think he is a friend? Who knows if Gage will ever tell him.

Do they have people they are genuinely honest with about themselves?

....His dogs?

Does your OC enjoy social events, such as parties, clubs, et cetera..?

He likes talking to people, but if there are too many people around he gets overwhelmed pretty fast.

Does your OC like to be the center of attention or more in the mix?

More in the mix, he gets anxious.

Do they consider themselves superior or more important than anyone else? Lesser?

Arch considers himself less important then most people, thats mental illness babey. 

Do your OC’s morals and rules of common decency go out the window when it comes to those they don’t like, or when it’s inconvenient? Aka, are their morals situational?

He’d throw everything to the wind for his dogs. Sorry friends, but they’ve helped him through too much.

Do they believe people change over time? If so, is it a natural process or does it take effort?

Well he knows that he has changed a lot, so why not other people too?

How religious is your OC? What do they practice, if anything? If they don’t associate with any religion, what do they think of religion in general?

When he was in the Mojave, Joshua taught him about Mormonism, but he didn’t really understand. He remembers some stuff, but after he left he didn’t try to keep up with practicing it. 

Do they believe in an afterlife?

It’s not something he takes time to think about really. That kid of a ‘ill cross that bridge when i get there’ type thing

Would they like to be immortal? Why, why not? If they are immortal, would they rather not be?

He would definitely not like that. He can barely manage his mental health as it is.

Would you say that your OC is intelligent? In what ways? Would your OC agree?

Smart when it comes to plants and animals, just about everything else? Not so smart.

How many languages do they speak?

Speaks exactly one(1) language.

Do they enjoy learning? Do they actively seek out sources of self-education?

He likes learning things, its just getting that knowledge to stick in his head that’s a problem. He doesn’t really seak out knowledge but if he has the chance to ask about things he will.

What sort of home do they live in now, if at all? How did they end up there?

Its just a little shack like building, but he built it and he’s proud.

What’s their ideal home look like? Where is it?

A big ol’ farm house, lots of room for lots of dogs/friends

Could they ever live in a “tiny home”?

I dont think so, but it’d be funny as hell.

How handy are they? Can they fix appliances, cars, cabinets, et cetera?

He can fix simple things, cabinets, chairs, dressers. Nothing too much more advanced than that.

How much do they work? What do they do? Do they enjoy it?

He works really all the time. From when he wakes up to when he goes to bed. He basically runs a mini zoo by himself, its a lot of work but he loves it.

How often are they home?

Pretty often, he has animals to take care of.

Are they homebodies and enjoy being home?

Not really, he likes being out and about.

Do they engage in any of the arts? How good do you intend them to be? Would they agree they are?

Archer is actually pretty musically inclined, he’d never admit it though. You might be able to catch him singing to his dogs, if you're lucky.

Would they enjoy a theme park?

Maybe if he could somehow go when there aren’t any people there. That might sill be pushing it. He gets overwhelmed easily.

Is your OC close to their family?

Nope.

Who makes up your OC’s family, at least the more important members to them?

He only ever knew his mom and his dad. If there was anyone else in his family he never met them.

Does your OC find their family supportive? If not, what would be an example why not?

Nah he really doesn’t think they’re supportive of him. They definitely wanted him dead.

What kind of childhood did your OC have?

:)

Did they go through any typical phases growing up?

He went through a lot of things, but never got the chance to be emo.

What is your OC’s orientation, romantic and/or sexual? Has it ever been a source of stress for them? Have they always been pretty sure of their orientation?

I know i said he was strictly gay yesterday but im thinking he’d actually probably be Pan and he’d just lean towards more masculine partners. He hasn’t really thought about his sexuality so he’s never had a reason to be stressed over it.

Is your OC a thoughtful partner, in whatever aspect of that you want to cover?

Any space in his mind that was supposed to be used for math and literacy etc. is now storage space for little facts about the people he cares about. He will remember. Oh you said you thought this flower was pretty six an half years ago in passing and i found one so i thought id bring it back for you.

Does your OC believe there’s only one ideal partner (or multiple ideal if not monogamous) for everyone, or that there are many people who could be right?

Probably that there are multiple people who could be right.

Does your OC believe in love in first sight?

He barely even knows what love is, really.

Does your OC believe in marriage (or their culture’s equivalent)?

He doesn’t really understand the point of it but if his S/O wanted it, he’d agree.

Has your OC ever cheated on anyone or been cheated on?

Nope :)

What’s your OC’s idea of a perfect date?

Climb to a really high place, lil picnic, watch the sun set, (maybe hold hands?) look at the stars.

What are some things that your OC finds to be an instant turn-off in potential partners?

Not liking animals. They’re literally his entire life, you cant be with him and not like animals.

What are their favorite kinds of flavors– Sweet, salty, sour, spicy, creamy, et cetera?

Umami. But he’ll literally eat anything, especially if he’s desperate.

Are they vegan/vegetarian (if their overall culture/species generally aren’t)? If so, why? Do they think animal products are wrong in all circumstances?

He doesn’t really eat a lot of meat cause he wants to hurt as few animals as possible. He uses most of the meat he hunts for his animals, and only eats it when there is nothing else, or if there’s the possibility of it going to waste.

How often do they cook? Do they order out a lot?

He cooks pretty often, that being said do NOT eat what he makes! I dont know how he is still alive!

Could they eat the same thing they enjoy over and over and not get bored of it quickly?

Yep, in fact that's basically what he does already. Food is food babey.

Did you create the character to be like yourself, did they end up being like yourself, or are they very different from you?

Archer wasn’t ever supposed to be like me, and he’s not really, which i think is a good thing?

Would you hang out with your OC if you could?

Yes he needs hugs and I will provide.

What’s the longest you’ve had an OC for?

I’ve technically had Archer for 5 years thats a long time :)

[normal-thoughts-official]

So magnus ask. Do you think magnus ever went back to the Dutch java. In the past. Or now that it is Indonesia. Also will he take alec there.

i actually tend to think he didnt? at least not after he got his mom's dagger back (because i mean, i dont think he took it on the same day, since his stepfather tried to kill him almost immediately. i think he probably was wandering around homeless for a while before asmodeus found him so maybe during this time he went back and got it because he loves torturing himself? It cant have been too long after she died because, i mean, he would have lost it. unless he never really went back for it at all and it was camille who went for it just to be a sadistic bitch haha i always assumed she stole from him but shit that's worse :) anyway im perfectly fine). the memories are just too painful, and beyond that, it would probably also hurt a lot to come back and see how much everything's changed, how a lot of stuff he remembers like the forests and towns and people were just. destroyed completely by the colonisation. like its gotta be hard, you know, coming back after all those centuries and seeing the extent of the damage that you couldnt stop from happening. he was there when these people were being murdered, when their sacred places were being destroyed, when their food was being taken- yeah. it must have hurt. a lot. and magnus seems to carefully never mention indonesia or even indonesian culture and food, so i tend to think that no, hes never come back

with that being said, i think he will come back eventually, if anything because this is kind of a milestone in his recovery from all this trauma - being able to go back and confront his loss, but also reconnect with his origins in a more healthy way, accept the pain and remember the good things, too. accept that it's part of who he is. be able to breathe through that. make new memories. all of that

it's something that would take a good while for him to be able to do - but i mean, he's got eternity, right? and i think magnus would eventually find himself a good warlock therapist who Gets It and is able to deal with the parts of his experiences that really only another immortal being can understand. hes never heard of it before because i mean i dont think it was a hot priority and magnus wasnt really looking for professional help for a long time, not really, but once he finds out he gives it a go and it does help him a lot. so one day, he decides to go, and asks Alec all timid if he'd be willing to go with him, half expecting him to say no, because this will be different from their other vacations and they wont necessarily be visiting the more tourist-y places and magnus will probably be quiet and introspective the whole time and it might be really exhausting and hard so he totally gets it if alec doesnt want to come - but alec just holds him, all like "hey, stop. id never want you to face that alone. im proud of you, i want to be there for you" and magnus, at a loss of words because this means so much to him, just looks at him with those eyes full of wonder and shakes his head slowly

("don't look so surprised," alec says, "i want to be there for you". "i know, it's just hard to remember that, sometimes," magnus answers)

so they go, and, yeah, its Dense. magnus finds himself just sitting down and contemplating stuff in silence for minutes on end, but every time alec just sits beside him and waits, looking around, taking in the cities and the people. then magnus stands up eventually, and alec, obligingly, follows him.

eventually he starts to open up - he'll point to places and say, "there's where this girl i grew up with lived," and "there used to be a forest here - some trees were so big, i used to think they were gods," and "my mom really liked this dish". alec listens to him, and magnus reminisces about all the little things he thought he'd forgotten, his words breathing life into the place and making it dance with stories that were silenced for so long. the more he talks, the more alive Java seems to become, and soon he's talking nonstop, taking alec by his hand and showing him places, talking to people on the streets, visiting stuff. it starts to be more sweet than bitter, and magnus finds himself not wanting to leave. he eats things he had forgotten he loved and listens to javanese for the first time in centuries and feels just that much more whole.

when they go back home, magnus is slightly embarrassed for all the infodump that he laid on alec, but alec just smiles and says that he loved it, that listening to him talk was absolutely magical, that it had him connecting to the place like he never had before. he tells magnus that he's proud of him, and that he's come so far, and that it's so fascinating that magnus has lived so long and can carry on so much legacy, even with the pain, that this is one of the aspects of immortality hes looking forward too.

from then on, they start going to indonesia like they would go to any other place - sometimes just to eat something, sometimes to spend a little more time, sometimes just to get away from their daily lives - but every time is just as special and brings them closer together and has magnus feeling a little more whole, a little more at peace with himself, a little more like he belongs :')

[magdaclaire]

yo @ghostwheeze gave me permission to do this, so inspired by this post, here’s a monster i did not intend to be this long!

It's not something you can just bring up in conversation, you know? You're an immortal creature from hell - well, from Heaven, but also from Hell, from Earth as well, things are complicated - it's not a simple point to make. It helped that Shane had never been anyone's traditional idea of a demon, beginning with his name and ending with his laughter, his humor, his enjoyment of human life and all of its wonders. Nobody thinks that demons can make friends, can fall in love, can live and breathe and want to do all of these things and more. People don't think of demons and people like Shane Madej in the same breath, and that has always made it easy to hide.

Except, when it came to a young man called Ryan Bergara. As he is wont to, Shane is aging as normal this lifetime, planning to just cycle again when he gets too old for the humans he wants to take through life with him. He met Ryan when this life was twenty six years old, and Ryan Bergara was twenty two for the first time ever, and he was enough of a sunshine boy that parts of Shane wondered if he were an angel. With the curious edge of him, though, Ryan Bergara couldn't be. It's because of that curious edge, however, that Ryan did find out that his best friend was a demon.

It was anti-climactic really. Ryan walking into the wrong room of a haunted house at the wrong time, seeing Shane talking to another demon, negotiating Ryan's safety. No one was hurt, except Shane's reputation as a normal human being. Ryan was understandably confused, blew up at Shane a little as he was wont to do anyway, but ultimately decided he wanted Shane to stay. Shane doesn't tell him that he would have left if Ryan asked him to, would have remade himself all over again, left everyone behind at the smallest whim of Ryan Bergara. But demons don't have feelings right?

Anyway, after finding out, Ryan began his quest of being as much of a little shit about it as possible. Without Shane's own manipulation, his phone's ringtone changes from the basic unto Carry On My Wayward Son unto the Buffy the Vampire Slayer theme song, unto the Catharsis of Suffering and onto other supernaturally themed songs of Ryan's ultimate choosing. Shane never should have given Ryan his phone's password, but he doesn't have the heart to change it now; without the songs, he doesn't know that he would always be sure that Ryan accepts the worst parts of him.

Ryan gets a particular kick out of surprising Shane into using any of his demonic powers, though he only does it when he's sure no one will see. He'll jump off of the top of the stairs onto Shane so that Shane will have to use his strength, throw random things at Shane to see his agility, and what have you. Shane doesn't understand the fascination, but he doesn't mind feeding into the most innocent of Ryan's little jokes, seeing as he was expecting much worse if the younger man ever found out. Speaking of the devil - that's not a good pun.

"Hey Shane, think fast!" Ryan calls as he jumps from the balcony, directly into Shane's arms. They're at a haunted location, but the cameras aren't on yet - their camera crew was delayed by traffic when they took a different route. Shane looks at the man in his arms for a solid second before putting him down, watching the blush that bloomed over Ryan's cheeks. It's a good look on him, but Shane doesn't comment for fear of what Ryan could say in return; he can't afford to give Ryan more than one reason to push him away, and he can't take back the demon thing.

"You know, I barely use my supernatural strength to catch you when you do that - you're a very tiny man, Ryan Bergara," Shane jokes, and he is immediately rewarded with a growl, and a swat at his chest. The joke distracts from the tight atmosphere that pervades them even though they're still outside, and Shane wants to joke some more, but he can't think of anything to say with Ryan standing so close.

"It's not my fault that collecting souls apparently makes you taller," Ryan mutters, and Shane clicks his tongue on reflex. It's a common joke that the other makes, but it always rubs him a little wrong. It's such a common demon misconception that he doesn't want Ryan to be the one to make it, Ryan who knows so many things about the workings of the Underworld, even if he doesn't realise all of them are factual.

"That's not even what I do, you shithead," Shane replies, bumping his shoulder into Ryan's and purposefully not looking him in the face. Telling Ryan what he does as a demon will make it real, and maybe Ryan won't even want him around anymore - god, Shane's gotten used to the idea that he can stay, like he's some sort of stray dog that Ryan has taken in out of the good of his heart. Hell, maybe he is. Maybe he's more animal than human. Shane heads off that crazy train before it can go any further, just in time to listen to Ryan's response.

"What do you do? Like, as a demon, not as a ghost buster," Ryan asks, and neither of them speak the irony of Shane being a ghost buster or hunter or whatever in the first place. Shane sighs, and thinks of how to put it into words.

"I... tempt humans into the way of sin," Shane explains, choosing carefully. He doesn't want to call himself an incubus of any kind, but he's technically supposed to tempt humans into romantic or sexual sins - he hasn't done it in a while, but it's what he's supposed to do.

"So, if I wanted to kiss you right now, would you be doing your job?" Ryan asks, the picture of nonchalance, but Shane, who doesn't strictly need to breathe, may just hyperventilate right here. Ryan finally looks over to make eye contact with him, and seems to realise the impact of his words. "Not! Not that I want to - want to kiss you or anything. Yeah. Totally no," Ryan says, and Shane suddenly has to hold himself back from rolling his eyes. The humor of it all calms his nerves, and he summons a smile like a lesser demon.

"You sure about that? You don't sound too sure about that," Shane teases, because collecting himself is so much easier when Ryan is flustered. He's so pretty to look at with a blush that it's easier to think, and blush he does. Ryan doesn't nod or shake his head or anything like Shane thought he might, instead turning to face Shane directly. The suddenness of it is enough to throw Shane off kilter, making him no longer feel like the confident one between the two of them.

"I think I might not be sure about that, Shane. What about you?" There's a fierce determination to his eyes that makes Shane both falter and feel like he's being slowly set on fire, a strange amalgamation of joy and pain.

"Well, as for me, I don't think I would be doing my job. Can't afford to mix business and pleasure," Shane says, because he doesn't know how to string together enough words to make this make sense for himself, let alone anyone else. He's wanted to kiss Ryan for years, but the idea of getting to do it now is... revolutionary.

"Stop being a shithead for a second and actually kiss me, Shane," Ryan growls, holding onto the lapels of his jacket and pulling Shane's face down to his level. He didn't move first, though. Shane swallows loud enough to hear, and leans even closer.

"Yeah, okay," Shane replies, and does exactly as Ryan told him to.

[filthytabloid]

TG: i really

TG: dont want to be alone?

TG: i dont have any friends karkat

CG: DAVE.

CG: I AM YOUR FRIEND.

TG: hes all i have

CG: THAT’S NOT EVEN REMOTELY A TRUE THING.

TG: it is

CG: I MEAN I MIGHT NOT COUNT BECAUSE I’M MORTAL.

CG: SO IF YOU’RE GOING SUPER CATASTROPHIZING BIG PICTURE THEN YEAH I’M NOT GONNA BE AROUND FOREVER.

CG: BUT ROSE AND JADE EXIST, DUDE.

CG: THEY ARE ALSO FUNCTIONALLY IMMORTAL.

TG: they dont talk to me any more

TG: ive invited them over a few times

TG: john gets like

TG: jealous

CG: JOHN GETS JEALOUS.

CG: OF YOU TALKING TO ROSE AND JADE.

TG: he

TG: kind of has meltdowns whenever i pay attention to anyone thats not him

TG: but he cant help it

TG: i mean i can understand being insecure im trying to be sympathetic

CG: WHAT HAPPENS DURING THE MELTDOWNS?

TG: he just gets really cold and angry at me

TG: doesnt talk to me

TG: id prefer he talk to me

TG: so i dont talk to anyone else so hell keep talking to me

CG: DOES HE HAVE OTHER FRIENDS? PEOPLE HE TALKS TO OUTSIDE THE RELATIONSHIP?

TG: yeah

TG: mostly other versions of me

TG: which feels great by the way i love it when he does that

TG: i guess im a jealous asshole too

CG: OK, LISTEN.

CG: IF I SAY SOMETHING WILL YOU PROMISE NOT TO FLIP OUT.

TG: can i remain perched on the handle even if i dont pirouette

CG: YEAH, THAT WORKS.

CG: ALRIGHT HERE’S THE THING.

CG: TAKE A DEEP BREATH:

CG: JOHN HAS ISSUES.

TG: no fuckin duh 

TG: dont we all

CG: UH, NO.

CG: NOT THE KIND OF ISSUES YOU ARE DESCRIBING, NO.

TG: obviously we cant all have the same issues

TG: but we all do have issues

CG: GETTING COLD AND ANGRY DOESN’T SOUND LIKE A MELTDOWN AT ALL IT SOUNDS LIKE SOMETHING THAT IS VERY EASILY CONTROLLED.

TG: ok maybe i am the one having meltdowns

CG: WHEN HE’S UPSET BECAUSE YOU TALK TO OTHER PEOPLE DOES HE ACT COLD AND ANGRY TOWARD EVERYONE HE TALKS TO?

CG: OR JUST YOU?

TG: just me

CG: OKAY, SEE, THEN IT’S SOMETHING HE CAN HELP.

CG: IF IT WAS TOTALLY OUT OF HIS CONTROL THEN IT WOULDN’T BE DIRECTED AT A SPECIFIC PERSON.

TG: what if its out of his control because its our relationship though

TG: its kinda different from everything else isnt it??

TG: so

CG: I KIND OF FEEL LIKE YOU’RE REACHING.

CG: THERE ARE WAYS FOR HIM TO LET YOU KNOW HE’S UPSET WITHOUT BEING A FROTHING DOUCHENOZZLE.

CG: SEE: TALKING ABOUT THINGS.

CG: I MEAN EVEN IF HE TALKED TO YOU ABOUT IT I’D STILL SAY HE HAS ISSUES BECAUSE BEING THAT FANATICALLY JEALOUS IS KIND OF. UH.

CG: BUT AT LEAST IT’S BETTER THAN BEING PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE!

TG: we do kind of talk about it

TG: and like when we talk about it we seem to reach amicable agreements about what needs to be better

CG: SO WHAT DO YOU GUYS AGREE NEEDS TO BE BETTER?

TG: uh

TG: great this is gonna sound shit

TG: that i just need to remember he loves me and that as long as hes here im not alone

CG: …

TG: a lot of agreements about mental actions i need to be taking but not really any other actionable items

CG: OK I NEED TO SAY ANOTHER THING THAT MIGHT FREAK YOU OUT.

TG: im kneading my temples

TG: what

CG: REST ASSURED I’M ALSO KNEADING MY TEMPLES.

CG: IT SOUNDS LIKE HE’S ABUSING YOU.

TG: oh fgudjfg

TG: no

TG: no he isnt

CG: DAVE

CG: BREATHE

CG: OK?

TG: no

CG: I COULD BE WRONG, I AM JUST GIVING YOU THE IMPRESSION I HAVE RIGHT NOW.

TG: thats not even remotely whats happening here you cant say that

TG: yeah

CG: OKAY.

TG: you dont know what were like

TG: he leaves me really sweet notes

TG: he buys me flowers

TG: he tells me nice things

CG: I AM STILL ABSOLUTELY NOT CONTESTING THAT YOU GUYS LOVE EACH OTHER.

CG: OKAY?

TG: ok

CG: I’M JUST SAYING THAT A LOT OF THIS IS REALLY WORRYING.

CG: AND I GET THAT IT’S HARD TO SEE THAT IT’S WORRYING OR WHY IT’S WORRYING SINCE YOU’RE IN THE MIDDLE OF IT RIGHT NOW.

CG: SO I’M JUST TELLING YOU WHAT I’M SEEING. AND YOU’RE RIGHT THAT I AM NOT IN THE ACTUAL RELATIONSHIP, SO MY IMPRESSION OF IT *MIGHT* BE SKEWED.

CG: PLEASE DON’T SHUT DOWN ON ME.

TG: ok i

TG: i wont 

TG: im still present

TG: what if this is the best i deserve though

CG: IT’S NOT.

TG: it is

TG: i should be happy i even get this

TG: i should be happy to be alive

CG: THAT’S RATIONALIZING.

TG: i think im really just ungrateful

CG: I AM PRETTY SURE THAT’S NOT THE PROBLEM.

TG: look maybe i do deserve this in all honesty maybe taking care of john even as he trains for the self-destruction olympics is how i can prove my worth to this world

TG: whos going to do it if not me??

TG: its not abusive if i can choose to leave at any time

CG: DRAGS MY HANDS DOWN MY FACE

CG: THAT’S ALSO NOT EVEN A TRUE THING

CG: AND BESIDES IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU CAN’T CHOOSE TO LEAVE!

CG: BECAUSE YOU’RE CUT OFF FROM ALL OF YOUR FRIENDS!

CG: AND COMMUNICATION WITH ANYONE WHO ISN’T HIM!

CG: YOU’RE COMPLETELY DEPENDENT ON HIM FOR COMFORT AND SAFETY AND SANITY SO OF COURSE YOU’RE NOT GOING TO CONSIDER LEAVING AN OPTION.

TG: ok um fuck

TG: lets not zoom out so much

CG: ZOOM OUT.

TG: theres nothing i can do about

TG: well

TG: i just

TG: i want to make this work can we please just focus on how i can make this livable

CG: YOU NEED TO TELL JOHN THAT YOU’RE UNHAPPY AND WHY YOU’RE UNHAPPY.

CG: AND IF YOU FEEL UNSAFE DOING THAT THEN YOU NEED TO DO IT WITH A MEDIATOR THERE.

CG: AND YOU NEED TO FIND OUT IF HE’S WILLING TO LET GO OF HIS HANGUPS AND CHANGE OR NOT.

TG: i cant

TG: you just have to give me some jedi mindtricks to play on myself so im not as affected when things dont go my way ok

CG: IT SOUNDS LIKE ALL THE RELATIONSHIP TALKS YOU’VE BEEN HAVING HAVE BEEN ABOUT *HIS* ISSUES WITH *YOU*

CG: AND IT’S WELL AND GOOD THAT HE FEELS COMFORTABLE EXPLAINING THE THINGS THAT MAKE HIM UNCOMFORTABLE

CG: BUT THAT HAS TO BE A TWO WAY STREET.

CG: BOTH PARTIES NEED TO BE WILLING TO COMPROMISE.

TG: i cant 

TG: i cant do that

CG: OH MY GOD.

CG: LET ME GIVE THIS TO YOU STRAIGHT.

CG: THIS DYNAMIC CANNOT CONTINUE AS IT IS.

CG: THE RELATIONSHIP EITHER NEEDS TO END OR JOHN NEEDS TO BE WILLING TO FIX HIS END OF THINGS.

TG: karkat i cant tell him that i am unhappy

CG: DAVE.

TG: i have in the past

CG: THERE IS NO COMBINATION OF WORDS YOU CAN TELL YOURSELF THAT’S GOING TO RATIONALIZE ALL OF THIS SO HARD THAT IT MAKES YOU HAPPY.

CG: YOU CAN KEEP LYING TO YOURSELF AND IT’S GOING TO KEEP MAKING YOU FEEL FUCKING MISERABLE.

CG: BECAUSE YOU’RE GOING TO WONDER WHAT YOU’RE DOING WRONG WHEN YOU’RE PUTTING SO MUCH INTO THE RELATIONSHIP AND YOU STILL FEEL SO SHITTY ABOUT IT.

CG: AND HIS BEHAVIOR IS STILL GOING TO HURT YOU BECAUSE HE’S NOT TREATING YOU FAIRLY.

CG: AND THE ONLY WAY YOU’RE GOING TO RATIONALIZE HIS BEHAVIOR IS IF YOU KEEP TELLING YOURSELF THAT YOU DESERVE IT.

CG: AND THAT’S GOING TO MAKE YOU CONTINUE FEELING LIKE A GARBAGE DUMP.

CG: SOMETHING NEEDS TO CHANGE. YOU’VE CLEARLY TRIED RATIONALIZING ALREADY AND IT’S NOT WORKING OUT.

TG: karkat i cant talk to him about it and i need you to not make what im about to say a big deal because its not

TG: i have tried to talk to him about it before and he socked me in the face and

TG: told me i was

TG: i guess it doesnt matter

TG: but as long as i dont bring it up he wont hit me i need a solution that doesnt involve talking about how unhappy i am

CG: YOU NEED TO GET OUT.

TG: no

CG: NO DAVE I’M DEAD FUCKING SERIOUS.

TG: hes the only thing in this shitty world that makes me happy

CG: COME STAY WITH ME FOR A BIT.

TG: i cant

TG: he might need me

CG: OF COURSE YOU CAN. I HAVE SPACE.

TG: no karkat please listen to me

TG: i cant leave because hes the only person in the whole world that makes me feel okay

CG: DAVE

CG: YOU DON’T HAVE TO LEAVE FOREVER.

TG: i dont want him to hate me hes my boyfriend

CG: OR CUT OFF ALL CONTACT.

CG: JUST COME STAY WITH ME FOR A WEEK OR TWO.

CG: GET SOME SPACE TO BREATHE FOR A BIT.

TG: i dont want to be a burden on you

CG: YOU WON’T BE.

TG: how on earth could i not be

CG: YOU’RE GOOD COMPANY AND SLIGHTLY LOWER MAINTENANCE THAN A CAT.

TG: i dont know how to tell john id be staying with you

TG: he might break up with me if i do

CG: I CAN TELL HIM IF YOU WANT.

TG: …

TG: ok

CG: OKAY.

CG: I’LL GET THE COUCH PULLED OUT SO YOU HAVE A PLACE TO SLEEP.

TG: fuck

TG: karkat i cant hes really mentally ill

TG: i have to be there for him

CG: YOU WILL HAVE YOUR PHONE.

CG: IF THERE’S AN EMERGENCY HE’LL BE ABLE TO CONTACT YOU.

CG: AND IF YOU NEED TO GO HOME I WILL COME WITH YOU.

CG: I’M INSERTING MYSELF AS THE MEDIATOR. THAT JUST HAPPENED.

TG: no no no oh god that is literally the exact definition of a burden

TG: i dont want to be that

CG: LITERALLY NOT BURDENING ME.

TG: im sorry for bothering you i gotta go ttyl

CG: IF IT WAS A PROBLEM I WOULDN’T DO IT.

CG: DAVE

CG: DON’T YOU FUCKING DARE GET BACK HERE

CG: WHAT YOU’RE FAILING TO REMEMBER IS HOW MUCH I LOVE MEDDLING IN PEOPLE’S RELATIONSHIPS GOD DAMMIT YOU ASSHOLE YOU DIDN’T BOTHER ME AT ALL I SWEAR TO GOD

TG: you promise

TG: that this isnt some massive inconvenience to you and you dont hate me

CG: I SWEAR ON TROLL WILL SMITH.

CG: I DON’T KNOW IF YOU REMEMBER THIS ABOUT ME OR NOT, BUT I’M PRETTY FORWARD ABOUT HATING PEOPLE.

TG: hate me in a platonic despising way not a you wanna bang me way

CG: I DON’T HATE YOU IN EITHER A PLATONIC OR A ROMANTIC WAY.

CG: YOU WOULD KNOW IF I DID.

TG: ok