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#yeah its russian dub i keep it for myself only
lunian · 1 year
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*CRYING SHAKING WHEEZING*
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zapsoda · 1 year
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Hey.
What is Postal? I find myself increasingly attracted to the Postal Dude and I would like to know.
Uh.
Everything I suppose.
hell yeah!! based! so postal is a video game franchise (and also movie). the games are typically first person or isometric shooters (although in some of the games you are presented with the option not to kill anyone).
the games typically revolve around this fuckin ginger (some version of him anyways) and his deal is that he just keeps wnding up in situations where everyone is trying to kill him.
if ur interested in getting into specific games ; postal 2 is the classic, its a banger, everyone likes that one. lil bit cringe and edgy and dated but its a lotta fun. the deal w this game is that you can kinda do whatever the fuck you want (main appeal). like it has tasks that you needa complete to progress the game. but you can do those at whatever pace or order you want and in the meantime just fuck around exploring the map. you can pick up cats in the game :33. you smoke crack to restore health. theres a piss button and a suicide button. lotta bangin dlc
the first game (postal 1), the april fools game (poostall royale), and the third game (postal 3) are all free 2 play. the first two are on steam theyre cute lil isometric shooters. the first one has a lot of appeal with the story going on. between each level theres these little bits of text like journal entries from the dude. i did not read these the first time i played it and thus i thought it was boring. (eheh). poostall royale has a girl version of the dude (huge win for bisexuals everywhere).
postal 3 is generally considered the worst game ever made by redditors and the creators themselves, so you can only play it if you pirate it (which is endorsed by the creators lol). i cant say much about this one my only experience with the game is a russian speedrun of it.
more recent games are postal 4: no regerts, and postal: brain damaged. i have heard mixed reviews of the former, but there is a drag outfit and you can pet animals so those are pretty enticing imo
the latter is GREAT. fucking gorgeous trippy silly game. the dialogue is unbelievably cringe. love this one. 10/10. been trying to 100% it. slowly.
the movie is on tubi its. unrecommendable. but. i have a soft spot for it, it was kinda funny sometimes to me... i hate what it did to zack wards place in my brain. its like. edgy 2003 type shit. Based 9/11 humor. take this as you will (maybe give it a try?)
on tumblr you may find many people referring to a version of the dude who is ripped and dressed in a blue and white striped tank top. this is shtopor he is from some russian version of postal 2 made by a different company. its called postal: corkscrew rules by many, but thats not the most accurate translation afaik. it never got an american release, however it did get a japanese release which was dubbed in english. game itself is utter shit from what i can tell but i have heard good things about the music (banger russian indie metal). i dont think i can mention this game without mentioning that the plot revolves around sexual reassignment surgery shenanigans. idk how to elaborate on this one its a lot. lmfao.
anyways. i focused mostly on the franchise itself rather than Him, i can elaborate on him more if u want. hope this was helpful nonetheless :-)))
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crashdevlin · 6 years
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Bottle-14: Safe House
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Bottle Masterlist
Author’s Note: Originally posted to ao3 (This is an edited and improved version), I work in info from the comics (Like Hawkeye was married to Mockingbird and Red Skull had a disappointing daughter) and I took a few liberties with what the scepter could do (but not really because the Mind Stone was used to create the Twins so what I did is not that far-fetched). This is a lot more angst than I realized when I wrote it, but it’s compelling angst.
Summary: Cassandra Campbell is a Stark Industries lab tech with dubious genetics and a history with the new Director of SHIELD. She’s been working in New York since right before the Chitauri invasion. What does she have to do with Loki, and what will happen when he returns? Starts post TDW and continues to the end of AoU.
Pairing(s): Phil Coulson x OFC (Past), Loki x OFC (Non-con), Clint Barton x OFC, Steve Rogers x OFC
Word Count: 4810
Story Warnings: So many, worst (to me) are bolded. Younger woman/older man relationship,non-con, mutilation, torture, mind control, PTSD, depression, alcoholism, forced abortions, bad things (non-con) in a church, insomnia, memory manipulation, eventual consensual oral sex (female and male receiving),
Chapter Warnings: canon-compliant violence, 18+, HERE BE SEX, DON’T READ IF YOU’RE A YOUNG’UN, dub-con dream, canon-divergence (I hated the Laura Barton storyline for various reasons, so I fixed it) Bad German from google translate
Cassie woke up alone, but there was a note next to her head. Had to vacate. I made bacon and coffee. Call me when you wake up.
She smiled and dressed in a pair of jeans and a short-sleeved blue turtleneck. As she poured coffee into a travel mug, she put her cell on speaker and dialed Clint. "Good morning, Hawk."
"Not so much," came through the phone. "Uh, so, Natasha knows."
"What? Are you kidding me?" She twisted the cap on the mug and picked up her cell phone.
"No. We're spies. She didn't like my answer of where I spent my night, so she followed me on the camera footage."
Cassie took a drink of her coffee and groaned, walking out of her apartment. "I'm sorry, Agent Barton. Aren't you supposed to be well-versed in keeping shit secret?"
"Hey, I'm great at keeping secrets. I was on my way to delete the video from the cams in your apartment when Nat told me she got there first."
"Great. So, your best friend, who thinks I'm a cocktease, knows you spent the night in my bed? Wonderful. So, what, did she tell you to stay away from me? You gonna listen to her?" she asked, getting into the elevator. She rested her phone between her ear and shoulder and pushed her right hand onto the biometric scanner above the numbered buttons.
"That's a negative. I answer to you." His voice switched to a military tone.
"And someone just walked up on you. One of the bosses. Tell me you deleted that footage."
"Yes, ma'am."
"I'm on my way up," she said, pressing numbers on the screen to send her to the lab level. She heard someone in the background, sounded like Steve.
"I gotta go," Clint said, into the phone.
"See ya in few," Cassie said, hanging up and putting her phone in her back pocket. As she walked into the lab, drinking down her coffee like ambrosia, she noticed everyone around Natasha at the computer. "What'd I miss?"
"Ultron killed your buddy Strucker," Tony answered, handing a tablet to her. 'STRUCKER, BARON VON' and 'DECEASED' shined up at her, over a picture of Strucker, dead in his cell. 'PEACE' was written crudely on the wall in blood.
"This is a smokescreen. Why send a message when you've just given a speech?" Natasha asked.
"Strucker knew something that Ultron wanted us to miss," Steve caught on.
"Yeah, I bet he..." Natasha started, pulling up the file on Strucker. "Yep. Everything we had on Strucker has been erased."
"Not everything," Steve said, with a smile. "I prefer paper."
"You've got analog files," Cassie said, with a grin. "Thank God for the man out of time. Where are they?"
"There's a storage room down the hall. Strucker files will be there."
The team grabbed the boxes and dug in, Clint taking a box over to the window to be by himself. Cassie stuck by the table, going through a box of Strucker's history. A Hydra file caught her eye, one labeled 'Projekt Kind'. She pulled it as Steve dropped a box on the table. "Known associates. Strucker had a lot of friends."
"Well, these people are all horrible," Banner said, flipping through files.
"Wait. I know that guy," Tony said, pointing at a picture. "From back in the day. He operates off the African coast, black market arms."
Steve gave him an accusatory look, so he quickly defended himself as the picture was passed around the table. Cassie tore her eyes away from the 'Kind' file to stand and look over Thor's arm at the picture. The man looked dangerous, covered in tattoos and heavily muscled. "There are conventions, all right? You meet people, I didn't sell him anything. He was talking about finding something new, a game changer, it was all very 'Ahab'."
"This?" Thor asked, pointing to a red symbol on the man's neck.
"Uh, it's a tattoo. I don't think he had it..." Tony answered.
"No, those are tattoos, this is a brand," Thor responded, showing the picture to the table.
"A brand? Like, a voluntary body mod thing, or... 'we want you to be forever remembered as a criminal' kind of thing?" Cassie asked.
"Well, he operates in Africa. There are still tribes that do that. I mean, the ones that don't just kill you," Clint offered from his place behind Stark.
"Let's find out. I'll scan this picture and find the symbol." Banner said, gently taking the picture from Thor's hands and walking to the computer.
As the computer scanned through thousands of symbols, Cassie opened the 'Kind' file. Most of it was numbers and dates. #1: FEHLSCHLAGEN: 23/5/1978-23/5/1978, #5: FEHLSCHLAGEN: 9/6/1978-9/7/1978 ... on and on with failure after failure, until #452: GELINGEN: 12/9/1989-? LEBENDE EXEMPLAR.
"What are you reading?" Natasha asked from over her shoulder. Cassie hadn't realized how close the Russian was to her.
"Projekt Kind. Me. I'm reading about me, and all the failures that came before me. All the brothers and sisters that died in the petri dish."
"Why was that in with Strucker's stuff?" Banner asked from the computer.
"Because Strucker ran the lab where I was made. It was one of his first assignments, back when he was a balding young Hydra agent, instead of a bald asshole." She flipped the folder shut and looked around the room. "They called me 452, but I never really thought they'd failed 451 times before they got it right. The one before me only lasted a month. I... wonder what they did right with me."
"Don't worry about what they did, just be glad they did it," Tony said, looking at the computer.
"Oh, yeah," Bruce said, as a match came up on the screen. "It's a word in an African dialect meaning 'thief', in a much less friendly way."
"What dialect?" Steve asked.
"Wakanada?" Bruce tried, before turning back to the screen to try again. "Wa... wa... Wakanda."
The word hit something in Cassie's mind. Phil had told her about Wakanda. What had he said? "If this guy got out of Wakanda with some of their trade goods..." Stark started, looking completely exasperated.
"I thought your father said he got the last of it?" Steve said.
"I don't follow. What comes out of Wakanda?" Bruce asked, stepping away from the computer.
Steve and Tony turned their heads to look at Steve's beloved shield. "The strongest metal on Earth."
"Where is this guy now?" Steve asked.
"Africa?" Cassie suggested, taking a drink of her coffee and standing.
"Yeah. A shipyard in Richards Bay, South Africa. East coast, about 600 klicks away from Johannesburg," Natasha said, pulling up a location on the computer.
"Suit up? I'm gonna go suit up. Meet you at the jet," Cassie said, grabbing the 'Kind' file and walking out with it and her mug. As she waited for the elevator, Natasha walked up beside her, grabbing the folder. "What are you doing, Romanoff?"
"You don't need this. It's a deep hole. You're already in one of those. Don't dig yourself deeper." She held the file away from the blond next to her.
"I'm already in one? Really? I wasn't aware."
Natasha turned to her, the file safely behind her back. "You still don't know who you are. I understand that. You have an internal fight going on between you and the occultist Hydra princess," she said the words with a mixture of malice and pity. "You're gonna look at this file and see their plans for you. It's Hydra, so they had your whole life planned out. But you, whoever you actually are, you're not who they wanted you to be. You aren't 452, or Junior. You're Joanna and Cassandra... Red Queen. All of those names, SHIELD and its operatives gave you. Like you said, even your dark side has a respect for human life. This file is not you."
"Why do you care how deep I dig myself? I'm just a tease, right? Nobody you want on your team."
"Because Barton cares, and you've chosen. That's all I asked. You chose Clint and he asked me to be nice. I'm willing to do that. I'm willing to try to be your friend. I'm happy to be your teammate. Just so long as we're all clear that you've chosen and last night wasn't a fluke."
Cassie sighed and walked onto the elevator as it opened. "I chose. Yesterday, I chose. Not because I was scared of some robot, not because he showed up in my bedroom while I was vulnerable and sad... but because I like the blunt, forward child of the '70s... the man who knows me, both sides of me, better than I do. And better than you do."
"Then, we're fine. See you at the jet," Natasha turned and walked back toward the lab, putting the file under her arm.
***************
"All right. Heavy hitters, go in first. That's me, Thor and Cap. Red, Hawk and Widow, you pull a stealth entrance and bring up the rear. Banner stays on the jet unless we need a 'Code Green'," Tony ordered.
Everyone nodded and readied themselves to head onto the ship. Cassie nodded to Clint as he started to climb to a vantage height, but she stuck to the shadows on the lower. She could hear the A Team above her, chatting with Ultron and the twins. "I'm glad you asked that, because I wanted to take this time to explain my evil plan!" Ultron shouted, before a series of explosions and hits and thuds were heard above her. She pulled her gun from its holster and snuck to a point still mostly covered, but able to take aim at the Ultronbots suddenly flying above, attacking everyone. Two shots to the head of one put it down a few feet from her, and she managed a bullet into the leg of one of Klaue's men. When Steve knocked the fast enhanced into the boxes she was hiding behind, Cassie came around them. No more hiding.
"Stay down, kid," Steve said, before running off.
Cassie pointed her weapon at the Maximoff. "I know you could be gone before I finished pulling this trigger... and even if I could hit you, I wouldn't want a body on my soul, anyway. So, I'm gonna go this way..." She gestured to her left with the pistol. "...and you can go wherever else you want."
The silver haired enhanced looked up at her, then stood, brushing his clothes off. "You have no bodies on your soul? You are Avenger. Is that not requirement for joining?"
She shook her head. "Sie wissen nicht wovon Sie sprechen. [You don’t know what you’re talking about.] You have a vastly distorted view of the Avengers. Your outdated idea of Tony Stark is the problem. But... me... I'm just one of Strucker's experiments gone right. I'm..." Her head went fuzzy as she spoke, and she turned her head to see the sister and a red mist floating around her head. "Vat did you do?" she whispered, accent heavy on her words as her head went fuzzy.
"Guys, is this a code Green?" came through the comms as Cassie tried to blink away the dizziness in her head.
"Thor! Status?" Steve came through next as Wanda and Pietro disappeared from Cassie's field of vision.
"The girl tried to warp my mind. Take special care, I doubt a human could keep her at bay. Fortunately, I am mighty." Thor's voice was muffled by a louder, seemingly omnipresent voice.
"Joanna." Cassie twisted, the sing-song voice sending fear straight to her gut. The ship had been replaced by the lab she used to work in at Stark Tower. She looked down, her super suit replaced by her old lab coat and a light blue blouse... and there he was, inky black hair, blue-green eyes, green and black armor, sitting on the counter between two Bunsen burners on at their highest level. "Clinton, then? You replace me, Asgardian royalty, the son of King Laufey of Jotunheim, with a circus freak?"
She took a step backward, which prompted Loki to jump down and walk toward her. "Loki, I-"
"Don't worry, Joanna. I'm not angry," he said, grabbing a fistful of her hair and pulling her into a kiss. She melted into it, his cold touch forcing shivers throughout her body. "You are my queen, my Red Queen, and I know you love me. I know you love my touch." His long fingers came to her lab coat, pulling it down her arms to drop on the floor.
"That scepter didn't make you scream my name, did it? It didn't leave you dripping your juices down my chin or make you ride my cock like a wench in heat." He turned her, roughly, pushing her chest into the counter and bringing his hands around to unbutton her black work slacks, pushing them down her legs.
"Loki, don't-"
"I know your mind. I know you miss me, Joanna. You refuse to acknowledge it, but I can smell your lies, even the ones you tell yourself. I know how much you long to be in my arms again, how you miss being impaled upon me." His hand slid down her ass and between her legs, rubbing her lips through the thin satin of her panties. He tore the material away and stood, lining his cock up against her and lifting her hips to improve his angle as he rammed his hips forward. "You... are... mine. Only mine... I know your body... such that... I can make... you cum... without even touching... your little bundle of nerves." He hammered his hips forward, causing Cassie to whimper and claw at the slick granite countertop.
He was right. As his hands grabbed her shoulders to hold her steady, an orgasm rushed over her. "Oh, my god," she moaned.
He continued to fuck her past her orgasm, drawing the sensations out longer. "Yes, I am. Do well to remember it, Joanna."
Cassie was suddenly back on the ship, sprawled out on the floor, her body thrumming with arousal. She shuddered and stood. "Natasha, I could really use a lullaby," Tony's voice came over the comm.
"Well, that's not gonna happen. Not for a while. The whole team is down. You got no backup here," Clint answered.
"I'm out... out of it," Cassie whispered. "I can't provide a Brahm's but, do you need help, Stark?"
"Banner's in Johannesburg, I don't know how you'd get there in time. Help Barton corral the rest of the team. I'm calling in VERONICA."
"Good to hear your voice, Red," Clint came over the comms.
"You got a location on the rest of our team?" She wasn't in the mood for pleasantries.
"Cap was swaying in the stairwell, got no clue on the Thunder God."
"Got him," Cassie said, looking up the stairs to the left. She ran up them, coming to a stop in front of Steve. "Steve... Steve. Hey, come back. Come back," she said, snapping her fingers in front of him.
Steve barely moved, so Cassie bent her knees, putting her shoulder against his abdomen and popping up to throw him over her shoulder. "Cap's still out, I'm taking him back to the jet. Grab Widow and meet me there, Barton. We'll take on Thor together."
As she stomped onto the Quinjet, Steve weighing her down, Clint rushed up beside her. "Here, put him down over here." She dropped Steve unceremoniously on one of the jump seats, then rolled her shoulders back. "I'm impressed. Glad for the super strength, huh?"
"Right. Come on. Let's go wrangle an Asgardian," she said, trudging back down the ramp.
"Hey. Are you okay?" Clint asked, following her. "I know the Maximoff chick hit you."
"Clint, can we not? We've just had our asses completely handed to us. You and I are the only ones intact right now, and we've got a God to put on that jet."
"Okay, well... You're gonna tell me what she made you see, right? Later?"
"Sure," she responded, running back up the ramp onto the ship.
*********************************
Clint powered up the jet and flew out as soon as Banner and Stark made it on board. He tried to beckon Cassie to the copilot seat, but she shook her head and took her place on the floor next to the scientist. She didn't say anything or touch the man, just hung her head and listened to the sounds of the Quinjet, all the while wondering what the hell was wrong with her.
Maria's voice came from the cockpit. "The news is loving you guys. Nobody else is. There's been no official call for Banner's arrest but it's in the air."
"Stark Relief Foundation?" Tony asked.
"Already on the scene. How's the team?"
Cassie could almost feel Tony scan the jet with his eyes. "Everyone's... we took a hit. We'll shake it off."
Well, that sounded optimistic.
"Well, for now, I'd stay in stealth mode and stay away from here."
"So, run and hide?"
"Until we can find Ultron, I don't have a lot else to offer."
"Neither do we." There was a moment where the screen clicked off, then Stark said, "Hey, do you wanna switch out?"
"No, I'm good. If you wanna get some kip, now's a good time, 'cause we're still a few hours out."
"A few hours from where?"
"A safe house."
Cassie watched Stark sit in one of the seats and look down at his phone, so she nodded at him and stood, walking to the cockpit to take the copilot seat. "I don't want to talk about it, now. Maybe never, but definitely not now," she said, quietly. Clint just nodded and reached his right hand out to pat her knee. "Thank you."
"Hey, secret shit is what I do. Speaking of, you remember, in Austria I told you about a farm I go to when I need to get my shit straight?"
Cassie nodded. "That's your safe house?"
"Yeah. And, uh, I'm not the only one who lives there," he whispered.
"What, you got a secret wife or something?" she whispered back, leaning over closer to him.
"No, nothing stupid like that, but... I have a brother, Barney. He's got a wife and kids. He's not always... stable and he's... not around a lot. So, I set her, my niece and nephew up with a stable home. Barney and I never got that, and she's a great woman, deserves it, so... Anyway, only Nat knows, so... Assuming Ultron hasn't found out about it, that's gonna be a surprise."
"Wait... Barney Barton... I know that name... Charles, right? He’s Trick Shot now, right?"
"Uh, yeah. How do you know that?"
Cassie turned away from him and looked out the front of the jet. "Phil brought home files sometimes."
"I... remember seeing you snoop a couple times. You never did anything with them though."
"Curiosity. Always trying to learn."
***********
Cassie fell into a dreamless sleep, which was disturbed only when the Quinjet landed outside a farmhouse situated on a green plot of land. "Wow," she whispered, standing. "Home is green."
"Yeah," Clint said, dropping the ramp to let everyone walk out.
"What is this place?" Thor asked, stepping onto the porch.
"A safe house?" Tony said, questioningly.
"Let's hope," Barton muttered, opening the door for them. "Honey, I'm home," he called.
The brunette woman that walked in from the kitchen was very pregnant. She smiled at them. "Let your brother hear you call me 'honey', you'll have even more issues with each other than you already do."
Clint smiled. "Hi. Company. Sorry I didn't call first."
"Clint, it's your house. Your don't have to call ahead." She smiled brightly at the group. "Hey."
"She's clearly an agent of some kind," Tony mumbled to Thor.
"Gentlemen, Cass, this is my sister-in-law, Laura."
"I know all your names."
"Ooh, incoming," Barton said, pulling away from Laura and kneeling down as a boy and a girl ran into the living room.
"Uncle Clint!" the girl yelled, jumping up into his arms.
"Oh, she's been dying to tell you about this boy at school," Laura said.
The girl nodded, excited. "Do I want to know about the boy at school?" he asked.
The girl jumped down, nodding as Stark said, "These are... smaller agents."
"There's a new boy at school, we share recess, and I'm the only one who can talk to him."
"Why's that?"
"'Cause he's deaf and I'm the only one who knows Sign," she said.
Clint smiled, proudly. "Very cool. Is he cute?" He spoke the words as he signed at her. The girl blushed fiercely and puffed her cheeks out. Clint laughed at her reaction, then signed. "Glad you are getting good practice." At the look of confusion from Cassie, he shrugged. "I was kinda deaf for a while. SHIELD fixed me."
"By 'kinda deaf for a while' he means '80% hearing loss for most of his life'," Laura filled in.
"Did you bring Auntie Nat?" the girl interjected as Cassie gave an impressed look.
"Why don't you hug her and find out?" Natasha said, stepping forward. The girl rushed to her and hugged her tightly.
"Sorry for barging in on you," Steve apologized to Laura.
"Yeah, we would have called ahead, but we were busy not knowing you existed," Stark snarked.
"Yeah, well, Fury helped me set this up when I joined. He kept it off SHIELD's files, I'd like to keep it that way. I figure it's a good place to lay low."
"Well, Clint, we missed you," Laura said, with a smile.
"So, I see Barney made his way home," Natasha said, walking up and putting her hands on the woman's belly.
"Yeah. 'Bout seven months ago."
"So... how's little Natasha, huh?" Natasha asked.
"She's... Nathaniel," Laura answered.
"Traitor," Natasha said, leaning down to speak directly at the baby in the woman's belly.
Cassie turned her head as Thor stalked out of the house and Steve followed. "You're Cassie, aren't you?" Laura asked. Cassie turned back to the woman and nodded. "Clint has told me a lot about you."
"Oh, that can't be good."
Laura laughed. "No, it's good, I promise. He couldn't tell me everything, you know, 'classified'." She did air quotes around the word. "...but when you disappeared, he went crazy with worry. He obsessed about finding you. He had all these maps that me and the kids weren't allowed to look at. He'd spend hours pouring over them."
Clint groaned and pulled a knife from his belt. He offered it to Natasha and tapped the back of his skull. "If you could just, please, right here."
"Oh, come on, Clint. I think it's cute. So, where was it that you actually ended up being?" Laura asked, rubbing her hands over her belly.
"Austria."
"Oh. Pretty."
Cassie smiled, awkwardly as her stomach growled. "You mind if I take over your kitchen, Mrs. Barton? I'm feeling a bit... completely famished."
"Oh, sure. I don't mind."
"I'm gonna grab a shower," Tony said.
"Kids' bathroom is upstairs, second door on the left," Clint informed, before following Cassie into the kitchen. "Hey. You all right?"
She opened the fridge and peered in. It was well stocked with produce and meats, three different kinds of fruit juice on the top shelf and a small drawer filled with Lunchables. A twenty-four pack of beer sat on the bottom shelf next to a case of ginger ale. "I wasn't ever... that pregnant. She... looks huge," she whispered. She shook her head and shut the fridge. "Which way to town?"
"What do you mean? What do you need in town?"
"I'm gonna go buy some beer."
"There's beer in the fridge."
She smiled, slightly. "It's so cute that you think that's beer."
"What, you don't like Coors?" he asked, leaning against the oven.
"I have something against a beer that encourages you to drink it cold." Clint raised his eyebrow. "Come on, you've spent enough time in Europe to know that real beer should be warm or, at least, room temp. Why? Because cold dulls the natural flavors of hops and barley and if a beer wants you to drink it cold, they obviously don't want you to actually taste it."
She shrugged. "Farmland, USA, I might be able to find a sixer of Guinness at the 'Five and Dime'. Just point me in the right direction."
"A: It's a dry town. You'd have to go the next county over for a beer. 2: I've got whiskey in the cabinet if you really need a drink, and Charlie: There are a lot of people out there looking for us. You don't need to be going anywhere."
"I'm not an Avenger, not so far as the world knows, Clint. No one is gonna recognize me."
Clint rolled his eyes and switched on the TV set sitting on the counter. BBC World News flicked to life on the screen. "...mysterious young woman carrying Thor onto the Avengers' jet. We apologize for the poor quality of the video. It's from CCTV. It is not clear who this woman is, but what is clear is that she is definitely not human," a petite British newscaster said.
Her co-anchor nodded. "You have to imagine how heavy Thor is, and you can see on that video, she just carries him around like a sack filled with potatoes or flour or something. It's like it takes no effort fer her," the Scottish man said.
"Video's grainy. You can't tell that's me. Look, I'll put on a hoodie and glasses if it'll make you feel better, but I'm going into town and you can't stop me, Hawk. I mean, you're just a human," she said, before sighing and looking down. "I didn't mean for that to be... so rude. I'm sorry. I just... The Maximoff chick got to me and then that... I don't need reminding of what I am. Your sister has some really nice bell peppers in there and I was gonna get some sausage, bratwurst maybe, make us some good ol' Austrian diner food for dinner. I think a hardy meal would help us a lot." She blinked back her tears and shook her head at herself.
"Can you drive?" Clint asked, softly.
Cassie nodded. "Phil taught me. I, also, know how to fly."
"He let you drive LOLA?"
She chuckled. "There was a time when he loved me more than that Corvette. I thought you were watching me. How'd you miss that?"
Clint shrugged. "I knew you weren't going to be doing any shady Hydra stuff with Phil around, so when he came in, I'd take time off. At the beginning, I went home to Bobbi until I got confirmation that Coulson had a new mission. After she... the divorce, I got a cheap apartment in San Luis Obispo that I went to when Phil was around. Mostly just slept and pigged out on sandwiches. Oh, and played PlayStation."
"So, you missed the crash."
"You crashed LOLA?" He looked a mixture of mortified and amused.
"Yeah. First time I got her in the air. Phil was so angry, he couldn't even speak for like 20 minutes after he inspected the damage. Which wasn't a lot, really, just a cracked headlight." She smiled. "It was... three weeks before he let me behind the wheel again, but I never had any other problems. Got my license a few months before I left Cali... Don't really need it in New York. Anyway, closest beer-mart?"
"Why don't I just drive you?" He reached out and grabbed her hand.
"You need to be here. Natasha needs you. Laura and the kids haven't seen you since I've been back from Austria. I'll be fine and I could probably benefit from a little alone time. I deal better in seclusion, remember?"
"Last time you needed seclusion, I spent two months searching for you," he whispered.
"I promise I'll come back. Today, even." She smiled softly and pulled her hand back. "Come on, Hawkeye. Keys?"
Clint sighed and groped behind him, on the counter, for a set of keys. "Take the van. Laura won't mind."
"And where am I going?" she asked, taking the keys with the Planet Fitness key chain and looping them over her first finger.
"Dirt road, take a left on Sycamore, right onto SR107, 20 miles down there's a Wal-Mart Supercenter. Beer, sausages, all that. You better come back. If you don't, I'm gonna have to room with Stark and that'd be torture."
She nodded, looking toward the living room before going on her tiptoes to press her lips to his cheek. She walked past the Bartons and Natasha out of the house.
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