#yeah sorry im a hater now. this was shit tier

[mamawasatesttube]

you guys i have so many thoughts about tdr. i have so much to say. like i don't want to be super mean but dude that comic fucking sucks and i can't lie i think it made me kind of homophobic actually

[the-necessary-unnecessary]

hesitated on doing this bcos i think it'd be long and i think ive sent quite the number of long asks to you. should probably just make a separate blog here alr but oh well. like your other anon, my impression of RM is real minimal but im a very anti-RM person for champions league reasons ahemoffsideahem. when they first announced their tacon takeover, to me it felt purely a capitalistic move since the wwc was booming. it felt disingenuous, as like united's inception. i shall declare that i (1)

dislike both men's teams so that its clear im a little biased. but what makes united and RM so different is the way they went about doing it? united started at the 2nd tier and capitalised on liverpool's failings to sign players (abt 4 players moved?). united also focused on a very homey squad; if im not wrong, groenen was their first international player? whereas RM just signed asllani, jakobsson and babett. it felt like a "yeah yall arent good enough" move. but when that happened, i was like hey im biased bcos i hate both teams from the men so who knows? if i can like support more than one women's team in a league, maybe i'll come around. 

but as time passed, i think all the tacon reports came out where the players were treated poorly etc (i cant rmb exactly now) it just really rubbed me the wrong way. i ended up liking united (honestly the personnel and not the club bcos... nah i cant do that, sorry united fans its just the culture yk) but tacon up till now just feels disingenuous and more abt the brand than the team. i mean its debatable if this is a club issue or a women's team issue (i mean look at the shit their men's team has in just the past year. from bale and james to jovic and hazard? ive got many opinions) but the club itself feels so focused around the marketability than actual investment and care, esp when ex tacon players are having issues and those reports are buried below the whole "RM has a women's team!!" shit. just doesnt feel good yk (4)

It’s more than okay for you to send these long asks, they never fail to raise interesting points! Once again, I’m going to let the avid RM haters down by defending them a bit here - but only with facts not with my actual opinion which is still very anti-Madrid in the futfem world. So firstly, although it may have looked like they came sweeping in after the world cup to pick up a team, this move had admittedly been in the works for quite a while. Tacon was born out of a team called Canillas four or so years ago, and even back then there were articles written about how they were vying to become the new Real Madrid. The sentiment had been for a while that if and when Tacon managed to get promoted then they’d fuse with RM. Even still though, the fact that they refused to take the team on until they reached the first division (unlike Man United who bought their place but started as their own team in the championship). And where still reluctant about inverting the just three million euros it would take to get the team on its feet definitely show the capitalistic aims of the club rather than wanting to help the growth of women’s football in Spain.

In terms of international players, Man United brought in a few more than just Groenen, if you count the scots as international than there were two on that first Championship team and a few others that came in this season, but it’s true that that ‘homely’ atmosphere was conserved a lot better than RM did where the Tacon team this year seemed to be a mix of the old team thrown in with signings of international calibre which kinda destabilised the team. Jakobsson, Asllani, Daiane, Ohale, Thaisa Moreno, Kaci, Chi, and later Babett were all brought in and there just wasnt any gelling making it seem like it was all about the stars rather than the play. And yeah there’s been cases of the players not being paid, not covering them under social security despite it being announced that they were covered and trying to cover it all up. So yeah I totally get where you’re coming from and I agree with you that a lot of the ways in which they’ve gone about this wrong has been hidden under the blanket praise that they’ve finally got a women’s team so they’re the saviours of the game!

[caskit2]

Gorillaz Analysis

Caskit’s not ready to throw all their cards on the table but the time has come!!! 

Okay then, I had to think long and hard about what I wanted to talk about here with Gorillaz cause DAMN!! 

I love gorillaz, 

I love the characters 

damon is a gift that we just dont deserve 

But how did I end up in the fandom pool? 

Well for one, I have heard of gorillaz music back in middleschool but at the time I was busy with Invader Zim and Inuyasha as well as jumping into this band wagon as well  (Full metal Alchemist) 

so by the time I turned to look at Gorillaz was when phase 3 was JUST wrapping up and making way for phase 4. which means I jumped into a fandom that had characters that I knew NOTHING ABOUT. Do you know what that means?

It means I also had no understanding or knowledge of why people shipped “this or that” in the fandom, but I gained some intel on the characters and the growing plot of the story, but other than that, I didnt understand why I was drawn to a particular “ship” in the fandom.  

*actual expression made, im not joking*

Once upon a time, caskit discovered 2doc and was not surprised that this was a ship. I have seen similar stuff that has a common theme that i was drawn to at the time. I was more interested in why fans ship them so I dived in head first into the boiling lava and came to a conclusion.,.....

I dont see them as able (capable?) of ever ending up in the way that most 2doc shippers would pick. The two are chaotic on levels of different tiers of “weird and gross” and I dont really have a reason as to why i was drawn to the ship, but It made me want to analyse what exactly a stable relationship is!

I basically walked around in that area of the fandom and didnt really form any “attachment” to it. I never really experienced a “healthy relationship”, lived in childhood and teen years were I went through life avoiding relationships. So I didnt have a good start, but I knew eventually that I would have to explain myself. 

I feel bad that I wouldnt be able to give a solid answer to what makes me want to sit down and analyse any scenario that has “present abuse undertones” but I know that in the past and how I grew up with what I was exposed to...That I would come to realize how unhealthy it is just for me. 

This post isnt particularly about 2doc itself, but its more about discussing how I handled MY reaction to something that I have seen over and over. In a way, I could see those abusive tones that were present.

Basically Caskit never experienced good healthy relationships and decided that it was a good idea to use gorillaz as a processing strategy....not a good idea in the end cause...OOOHHHHHHH 

It confused me more than before!!! 

I got friends that tag their stuff, and I dont really get so bothered with peoples own opinions, cause I was more worried about how I would come to understand everything. 

When I think about how fans are dividing and putting up a wall to keep “haters outa my yard”  it usually has to deal with shipping stuff, and character hating. And I guess I was confused about everyone’s perception of the characters.

Talking about the characters, I dont have a “least favorite to most” cause I have specific connections to them in different ways. 

I can find similarities to noodle for the expectations she had in a band at age 10 and growing up (plus we are both gays that dont like to publicly talk about relationships) 

I connect with Russel cause I lost a piece of myself  after a paranormal encounter and 3 near death experiences and suffer hallucinations. His protective demeanor to little noodle clicked with me. I see him as the Heart and soul, dedicated and warm friendly guy. ( you mean a decent human being right?)

I relate to 2d in a way that I share his enthusiasm, and mad bravery to live with the same guy who ran him over and caused 2 accidents that are permanent. 

I relate to murdoc in a weird way...  His childhood hits too close to home for me, as a CSA survivor of 2 incidents, pain addict and victim of abuse, draws similarities. But there were things that he has done that match things to my past like the abusive father, and dwelling on the darker aspect of a bittersweet reality. I was expressing physical violence to “show affection” and was never called out for it. I was not just a victim, I was also the abuser and since it was something that murdoc is faced with, is why I hated him. He is (for me) the thing I hate about myself. 

When I saw more and more fans hating on murdoc I wondered if people would ever think I was the same as him. Fans didnt like the way he treated 2d  and the rest of the band, And I agreed. Fans hated him for lying and causing drama and I agreed.  

His ignorance was a comedy slapstick (dressing in a nazi uniform cause he thought it “looked cool” despite russel telling him that its not a good idea) and was seen as the “crazy hooligan that has delusional dreams of fame”  and it bothered me that jamie used this to cover up allot of obvious issues that needed to be addressed. and the way that the fandom treated him made me think about how I would be accused of being like him. 

(thank goodness I didnt cause a car accident and have to sell my soul to satan for a shot at fame with a kickass band and didnt make uncomfortable sexual jokes or ignore others that tried to help me.) 

I can separate what justifies the hate on murdoc when it comes to abuse and causing shit to go down. becuase I did those things in the past, but it didnt take me more than a decade or more to realize that what I did was wrong! I didnt take forever to change for the better. so Im frustrated at him for taking so long to turn around and go “holly fuck im a bastard! I should probably fix that” 

Yeah NyOO ShiTT HunnayYY!! 

I dont hate him for being an idiot, I hate that he symbolizes all things wrong about me that never got closure! 

him admitting to being the cause of 2d’s social anxiety and eye damage as well as the abuse is easier said than done! but the fact that he is letting everything out of the “in-denial basket” is nice for me to see, cause right now Healing and progression in closure to issues of trauma is what is important to me. 

The endgame for my perspective on 2d and murdocs relationship is this: 

I dont want to ship them

I dont even see it as a thing regardless of character development and both guys working through their own shit themselves. 

I am not the best person to explain what a toxic or abusive relationship can be. 

Why? becuase I lived through it and I was both the victim and abuser to myself  and grew up without a good relationship (and I have a fear of positive affection) so I dont enjoy going through the same pattern as before where i shipped abuse in the past as a “dumb 13 year old weeboo” 

I dont view their relationship as romantic, or platonic, or healthy. 

I just want the boys to enjoy their own character growth individually. 

I would like to eventually see a friendship with them But I’ll be more excited if instead the whole band eventually gain a healthy relationship with everyone.  

Year 2018 marks the year I jumped in head first into gorillaz as a blind fruit bat 

(I call it the year caskit played with fire) for cosplaying ‘murdoc fuckn wrinkles’ at a convention around the time the fandom was yelling at him and jamming to 2d’s album. 

Caskit jumped into the shipping lava all for Behavioral analyzing and hopped over fences to see other fans perspectives of characters they liked and hated just to make sure Caskit could understand the illuminati that is Gorillaz. 

I made friends all over the fandom, and thanks to a few people, I gained more confidence to push my art skills and create some kickass art of Gorillaz. 

And yeah I yap yap about murdoc ( looks over @russelhusselhobbs im sorry you put up with my bullshit) but remember peeps. 

I like hearing about the others and have gotten more into 2d’s character as well as Jumping over the fence to go hang out with russel fans and listen to fangirling from friends and just trying to be a freakn fairy godmother and deliver some good representing art. 

And for those who aren’t aware, my past artwork is probably gonna float around so if its signed as Caskit or Caskit19 then its mine and if you see my old 2doc stuff.....,

for the trigger. 

But YEAHHHHHH!!! I wanted to throw all this on the table. and I dont know how to feel about that...(I swear my friend jokes with “need some feel good inc for Caskit” ) Kinda contemplating my choice between sticking my head into a hornets nest or jumping into a dark water trench.... the hornets nest sounds less likely to give me a seizure induced panic attack so ill go for that. ( I have a tolerance for inflicted pain so no you cant hurt me by using violence cause I dont have any consideration for myself and my safety)  

But yeah now I can get back to drawing fun stuff. (hopefuly caskit wont have to bore you guys with stupid shit ever again! xD) 

[literaphobe]

Did you read the pastebin?/gen, lh/ Dream went into why his 1.15 run and previous ones were being deleted. In case you haven't read it, it's because typically, whenever a run is proven to be spliced, all the runs in that game get removed. He did mention how it was extremely odd that they removed them only now but it was to be expected. (I swear I mean this in a nice way and want only to let you know in case you didn't. Sorry if it comes off as mean I suck at wording)

i did read it and i do know about that! i’m not saying i don’t understand WHY it was removed, i was simply talking perceptions and the Impressions all these situations gave off. and yeah, weird as FUCK for them to do it now, literally THE DAY OF MCC 14. weird as shit for haters to PAY TO SABOTAGE THE QUALITY OF HIS STREAM and thereby making me super confused when i was watching thinking my internet was buggy :(

like. i saw him lose 30k viewers over the course of the competition n yeah mcc is a fun free no stakes contest. but its not the same for everyone lmao? like dream’s thing is that he’s cracked n if he doesn’t perform he’ll get people coming for him saying oh he shouldn’t be s tier he sucks this is proof that he cheated n was never good to begin with why is he popular blah blah blah n like. he gets so much mindless n groundless hate for the dumbest reasons at this point and people don’t care about extending compassion to him its always his fault if haters get shit on by his fans and just. im rambling n getting off topic but god fuck all of that n im glad he seems happier now. im glad he is coming out of this with a lighter heart

[mamawasatesttube]

you guys i have so many thoughts about tdr. i have so much to say. like i don't want to be super mean but dude that comic fucking sucks and i can't lie i think it made me kind of homophobic actually