#yeah yeah the gifted kid pipeline breakdown we’ve all had it!

[ace-and-ink]

anything shy of perfection is an embarrassment // and impressing is just another necessity // but if i cannot feel special // despite apparently being so special, // and i cannot err // without losing my own respect, // where am i allowed to fall? // when always being told that i am allowed to stop // but never being told that i am allowed to rest, // where am i to lay my head? // slowing down was frowned upon // even though i was walking a path i never wanted to take; // taken by the hand // to follow someone else’s dreams, // to see the sights they wanted to see // in hopes they could live their desires through me. // i never wanted to know those things. // i never wanted anything more than this. // i never wanted to be anything more than innocent. // you say one thing to the wrong person // and no one perceives you correctly again. // and yet she still wonders // why i’m such a mystery; // how she only knew half of what she knew of me // before i dared to let her skim only the surface // of the mind that lurks beneath. // but i never dared to show her // the heart that cries // that whines // that begs; // that begs for release // that begs for relief // that begs for rest; // it begs you to let it rest. // it begs you to let it live, // to let it love // to let it be loved; // but not loved as someone special, // for it no longer understands what that word means; // not as someone who is grieving; // not as someone to be pitied; // not as someone who has suffered; // not as someone who is singing. // it wants to be loved as someone normal. // it wants to be separate from all it has done // and all that has been done to it. // it just wants to be. // it wants to be just as it is. // but it fears // and i fear // that it doesn’t know what it is anymore; // it looks upon itself // and begins to cry // when it can’t describe the figure in the mirror // without relating it to everything it wants to be separated from. // and i never knew // i wanted to be normal // something totally regular // someone who fades into the background so seamlessly // until i realized // that i have never been normal

— normal