#yeah you got an avacyn but now i do too!

[simicmimic]

Is there anything better than beating someone on Arena after they’ve sent a taunting “Good Game”?

[fade-and-loathing-in-thedas]

do any of your other amells have romances? also what are the deets for akroma leaving cullen 👀

Hahaha omg you've unlocked the beast.

I'll start with the Akroma/Cullen break-up. She really only just began her romance with Cullen when she ended it. Alistair is King in her playthrough, so since she recruited the mages she encountered him at the end. It was awkward for everyone involved. Alistair kinda lingers in her mind afterwards. She pursues the relationship with Cullen with incredible speed and a level of fixation that was a clear indicator she was trying to avoid something else (specifically her residual feelings for Alistair). It's after encountering Avacyn, and hearing her story, she kinda has to reassess how well she knows him. Then throw in her cousins getting involved, Kaalia Hawke (the Champion) and Kalum Hawke (the warden contact) and their relationship with the former Templar. Then you have the moment she wakes up in Cullen's arms, after dreaming of Alistair, and thought it was Alistair she was with. After a deep and meaningful conversation with Leliana, she kinda realised she'd been using him as a place holder and that she might need to work on getting over Alistair before trying to have a new relationship (she is very much avoido girl when it comes to dealing with her own actual emotions, and not just urges, so progress). She tells Cullen she can't be with him, cue his brooding, and then she heads to the Western Approach to avoid any awkwardness (okay, so not that much progress lol). That's all I've got, except they eventually kinda become friends again (leaning towards over protective brother in law now lol)

I've actually seriously been thinking a lot about romances for the siblings, which is how I ended up here lol

For Roman I have been leaning heavily towards Dorian. Roman has a weakness for pretty men and especially pretty men with major smarts, confidence, bordering on arrogance, and can be drama. I've got some stuff to work out here. He's kinda already in a casual thing with someone in his mercenary group, but the guy's an Orlesian and a complete dick (which has kind of been Roman's type/dating history). It's gonna take him a while to realise everyone he dates doesn't have to be an asshole. He doesn't have to be dirt for others to shine ya know.

I have also been tossing around a Jowan romance for Roman, only because the squick factor for Akroma would be hilarious. And Jowan is totally the kinda drama Roman's attracted too.

I haven't decided if Avacyn is having a relationship, but I could see her with the Iron Bull. Especially given his strong feelings around consent, understanding of power dynamics, and ability to read people. I could see him being her friend. Helping her let out the rage, setting up dummies for her to set aflame, and getting her to socialize more. He's also very much not someone who would pursue someone without explicit interest, which she would appreciate. I also think he is the kind of person who understands sex, romance, and relationships aren't all synonymous. You can have any of these by themselves, or in conjunction with any number of others and it doesn't make them any less meaningful. Idk I think they could click. What that will look like is still swimming around in my head.

Remus is straight up crushing on Leliana. Her skill with both a blade and a bow, not to mention how she could/would murder a man in his sleep. Yeah, she's his kind of woman.

As you are already aware Arcadia is currently trying to seduce Cullen in my head lol and failing dismally.

Oh and for the Amell cousins: Kaalia Hawke romanced Isabela, and Kalum romanced Anders.

[inventors-fair]

Calls to the Wall: Flavor Callback Winners! ~

Our winners this week are @helloijustreadyourpost​, @hypexion​ and @snugz​! Bask in the glory, feel the crowd, etc.

@helloijustreadyourpost​ — Light of Salvation (Sengir Vampire)

The more I thought about it, the more I realized that yeah, that’s probably the best way to put the wording on this card. Oddly enough it’s the second Sengir card that someone submitted this week? Regardless, though—yeah, no, checks out! I really like how this one works mechanically as a combat trick. It certainly takes out big attackers, and the indestructible counter is a piece of work. This is a card that I’d like to play for sure in limited. I’m a fan of [[Brought Back]] style effects myself, but I understand how they can be broken; this one’s got a good amount of ‘give’ to it, as it were.

I’m also a fan of evil-to-good flavor text, or at least the manner in which the snarling predation of the vampires is turned on its head here. Is the “light” something canonical to whoever’s fighting the Sengir folks on, uh... Is it Ulgrotha? I’m not looking it up, I’m so exhausted right now, but I know they live vaguely somewhere in the multiverse. Great execution there. I feel the way in which you’re expressing the soldier’s steadfast devotion as something outside of themselves. We’re looking in as observers of the light in action, potential devotees. Neat!

@hypexion​ — Prismari Surrealist (Vitu-Ghazi Guildmage)

I think this is one of the ones where I feel the most tickled, in the good way. Wow, what a card! Certainly creative, and not just the sculptor. The manner in which you encourage the oddities here of Prismari and Strixhaven in general is really well-done. I can imagine the expression on this character’s face as they manipulate materials in a wonky-cool manner—utter serious stoicism, the arts major who is taking this quite seriously. Even though ‘preach’ feels a bit strong, that’s just the manner in which they’re speaking, no? This card groks well.

With the combination of hybrid cards and combat tricks, plus the draw and big-spell flavor that Prismari can handle, this card feels like a doozy too. It still feels like a limited-only card, but the scrying and the reward for spellcasting to hold up instants during the opponent’s turn is still pretty neat. Filtering for spell types is awesome, too. I think that the card’s straightforward nature that rewards a multifaceted deck is stellar and connects quite well to the feeling you’re evoking. That’s what this card really handles well: emotional guidance. As a creator, and as we all are creators, this card just plain makes sense.

@snugz​ — Mournful Sphinx (Angel of Flight Alabaster)

Well, this is a sad card. Spectacular, but really sad. Mechanics first: it’s a blue card that does blue things that’s really strong. You still need to adjust the reminder text about what exerted creatures do, AFAIK, and not just itself. But that’s not what this is about. Except it kind of it because this is a multifaceted contest but I digress. In a deck where you can get your cheapish creatures and then fill the yard with zombies, perhaps, or just filter out the deck, the ability to get your graveyard packed is a delight indeed. I think this card’s a limited all-star.

But man. Angel of Flight Alabaster was one of the most beautiful cards from OG Innistrad, in my opinion, just in terms of art direction and purpose. Its place in the world was then made more beautiful by Avacyn’s return, and here? Seeing the opposite effect in motion really feels like a punch in the gut. Imagine, being a creature dedicated to riddles, and the only riddle that matters is “Hey, do you know that God was actually awful this whole time?” Like, that existence is torture, an absolute maddening wasteland of the mind. And mechanically, they’re shredding their own memories—each exertion, even, shreds that memory. How breathtakingly heartbreaking. Fantastic work.

Runners-up and more soon! @abelzumi​

[abzanascendancy]

In Today’s* Magic Story...

Children of the Nameless Chapter 2

*And by “Today’s Magic Story,” I mean the novella they released and I’m still going through.

First of all, a hearty glare for Wizards for not including chapter bookmarks in the pdf. Like... it’s a novella. It has chapters. Common decency decrees ye should put bookmarks where the chapters are.

Now with that out of the way, back to story!

Previously, on Children of the Nameless...

Girl in village discovers Disney princess singing powers. Is also blind, though only during the day.

Village killed, singing has no effect on “whisperers”. All assumed dead. Man of the Manor couldn’t possibly have anything to do with it.

Also, you may have noticed there was no “We got--!” in the last episode. This is intentional -- I’m gonna save it all for the end of the novella. For better or for worse.

Chapter Two: Tacenda

She really has high hopes that someone, anyone, would be alive after the days of murderous whispers. True, they didn’t kill everyone before, but the end result had to be coming...

Wait hang on, the Man of the Manor actually attacked her family? Are they sure about this? And what’s this magic he has?

But wait a minute... If they’ve never seen the Man of the Manor before... HOW DID THEY KNOW IT WAS HIM???

Also, maybe that’s why the whispers started -- the Bog didn’t receive tribute. Always remember to feed your local bog, folks.

Approachers? What’s this new cult?

But...who would return all these corpses to the Bog? The entire village?

Well since you’re the last one alive, Tacenda, I’ll give you one f*cking guess...

I mean, this is Innistrad. Of course the corpses are watching her.

STOP. HOLD THE PHONE. THE NAMELESS ANGEL. AVACYN’S OTHER SISTER THAT SHE KILLED. WE GET MENTION OF HER.

Don’t go into the forest, go to the Bog. Your powers obviously come from some sort of black-aligned mana. Green-aligned mana is antithetical to that.

So that’s three, three blind girls. There’s a TFS Vegeta quote to be had here...

Wow, a whole half hour with nothing attacking her on Innistrad. And with no Church of Avacyn around. That’s got to be a record.

No, it didn’t fail you: you failed it, when the Man of the Manor stopped your family from giving a sacrifice to the Bog.

Oh? Who’s this telepathic voice telling her not to kill herself? It’s good that she’s getting it, but it also created her, so... dubious motives at best?

Rom. His name is... Rom. In Innistrad. After what happened with Emrakul. ...

Don’t act like you didn’t see this reference coming.

Why would the priests try to stop anyone from worshiping the benevolent Bog? It’s done nothing but good...

Maybe one of the priests dressed up as the Man of the Manor and attacked Tacenda’s family, to besmirch his good name!

So they’re geists now? I mean, not many other things whisper, and just float along, not leaving any footprints. Plus, WU does have a lot of taxation/protection effects to prevent/counter her singing.

Okay, Tacenda? I know you’re stricken by grief and all but... you were blind. You don’t know who was standing there breathing.

Prioress? The head of a bunch of nuns? Sure, why not.

Now you may think that on Innistrad, it may be a bit too much to use the curse ‘Hellfire’, especially when the card Into The Maw Of Hell exists. But, as he’s a former priest/hunter, he’s allowed to curse up a storm. Literally, even.

“Stay away from the Bog,” he said. “You promise me that, at least.” -- Rom

“I solemnly swear to stay away from the Bog... until you’re gone.” -- Tacenda, probably.

But why does the Man of the Manor have diplomatic immunity? If he were a vampire, then yeah, I get it. But so far he’s just some supernatural bloke. You’ve literally fought worse -- werewolves, vampires, and demons from hell. What’s one magical bloke to you?

Actually I take it back. The next paragraph is rife with political/class intrigue, and I am all for that. Yeah, we get the church versus the monsters, but here’s another level we don’t get to see in Innistrad: the corrupt humans leveraging what power they have over the masses they rule. Do tell on!

The Bog rumbled approvingly...

I’ve been going through my Awards tags, and naming categories. One of them is the “Slimefoot thought this was a terrible idea,” for plans which are bound to go wrong. I think the counterpoint to that category should be “The Bog rumbled approvingly” Award, for plans filled with righteous purpose.

You go, Tacenda! Fight him with your bardic singing and rusty ice pick!

The mystery continues! Wards were not enough to stop the Whisperers, we get a better timeline to the events leading up to their arrival, and the Bog approves of revenge! Surely, the Man of the Manor will explain that this has all been a misunderstanding.

But has it??? Will the Man of the Manor reveal his identity and his abilities? Is the church planning a coup? Has Emrakul already happened? If so, when will Rom be granted eyes? Who’s going to get to all those corpses supplies first -- Gisa or Geralf? Will Tacenda sing Kill the Beast from Beauty and the Beast as she approaches the manor?

And will the man in the Manor finish his Corvo cosplay???

Stay tuned!

[toastiel]

Honey Bee

Author: Toastiel Rating: PG Characters: Chuck Shurley, Original Female Character (Meghan Shurley), Original Female Character (Avacyn Shurley) Pairings: Chuck/Meghan Word Count: 4387 Prompt: “Honey Bee” - Louden Swain - Sky Alive Summary: Kids grow up. Chuck knows this better than anyone. It doesn't stop him from wanting his little girl to stay little forever. Author’s Notes: This was originally written as a series of one-shot sequels to my fanfic ‘Ama Lurra.’ I’m posting it now in response to the 2018 Louden Swain FanFic/FanArt Project, run by the always lovely @mrswhozeewhatsis. I hope you all enjoy!

Nightmares

At first, Chuck wasn’t sure what had ripped him from an unusually deep sleep. It wasn’t that it had been peaceful, because it hadn’t. It was riddled with nightmares, his overwhelming fear of those he loved being taken from him, leaving him alone and stranded in the darkness. But at least it was sleep. He didn’t get a whole lot of that.

A scream pierced the silence of the night and he was out of bed and down the hall in a matter of seconds, his socked feet sliding over the hardwood floors in his haste and sending him to the floor. He landed on his back with a heavy ‘thud’ and a wheeze as the breath in his lungs was forced out. A door opened a few feet away and two tiny feet appeared beside his head. His gaze moved up, taking in the fluttery yellow nightgown with it’s bumblebee pattern, then the small teddy bear held in a death grip by tiny hands, long sandy curls, and chubby cheeks. Finally, concerned and worried azure eyes met terrified sapphires. Tears brimmed in her eyes as she looked down at him.

“D-daddy, are you okay?”

Her voice was small and shaky, but all too loud in the silence that filled the house.

“Daddy’s fine, baby.” Chuck said with a smile as he pushed himself up off of the cold floor. “See?”

He held his arms out and gave her a smile.

“You shouldn’t run in the house, Daddy. Mommy says it’s da-dan-”she paused, trying to form the word. It wasn’t easy for the four year old, so she settled on another. “Mommy says it’s not safe.”

“I know, but Mommy isn’t home, now is she?” Chuck gave her a pointed look. His wife was indeed out of town. Her brother, not that either he nor Meghan claimed him as such, had fallen ill and she had gone back to her hometown two states over to help care for him for a few weeks until his wife returned from a business trip to Hong Kong or Beijing, or one of those massive cities in Asia. He hadn’t wanted her to go, but Meghan had insisted, and he knew that once her mind was set on something, there was no changing it. It came with the territory of marrying Gaea incarnate, he supposed. Though, being God, he was hardly one to talk.

The little girl shook her head, curls flying about her head.

“Then it’ll be our little secret, yeah?”

This time she nodded.

“Why’d you scream, Ava? Did you have a nightmare?” Chuck knelt before her, leveling her with a serious look.

Again, she nodded. “I saw shadows. They were moving, and yelling, and I got scared. I’m sorry, Daddy.”

She hid her face behind the teddy bear, fresh tears tracking down her cheeks..

“Shh,” Chuck pulled her to him, wrapping her in a tight hug. He picked her up, setting her on his hip, and carried her back to the master bedroom. He slipped into the bathroom, grabbing the pink sippy cup they kept on the counter for these situations, and filled it with cool water. He’d become a quick master of doing things with only one hand after Avacyn was born, and now he had no trouble screwing on the cap and handing it to the toddler as he carried her back into the bedroom and sat her on the bed.

“You wanna sleep in the big bed with me? Will that make the shadows go away?”

“Yes, please.” She took small sips from her cup, her tears drying. When she’d calmed enough, he sat the cup on the nightstand. They both crawled beneath the covers, Ava curling up against his side, her head pillowed on his chest, and Chuck couldn’t help but smile. He’d done a lot of things in his long, long existence, some good, some bad. He’d made his share of mistakes, and some of them he couldn’t fix. Still, he was certain that the little angel tucked against him was one of his best works yet. Neither he nor Meghan had planned on her arrival, and both were terrified at what might happen afterwards, but none of that mattered now.

Chuck pressed a kiss to the top of her head and snuggled back against his pillow, falling into a peaceful sleep as faint hints of sunlight colored the morning sky beyond his windows.

Forever and Ever

At nine years old, Avacyn Lorrin Shurley was a force of nature unlike anything Chuck had ever witnessed. She could bring demons to their knees with a look and she had the entire Heavenly Host wrapped neatly around her little finger. She was smart, but more than that, she was intelligent. She knew things grown men didn’t know and she had no problem admitting as much.

It was hard for him to believe that nine years had already passed. He was sure that just last week, he was bringing her home from the hospital, and just yesterday, she’d come to him crying because she’d fallen trying to learn how to ride a bike. Now she was doing everything on her own. It pulled at his heart to see her fixing herself a sandwich for lunch, or doing her English homework without asking for his help.

It was a rare night when Meghan worked late nowadays, but Chuck was used to getting Ava ready for bed. He’d come upstairs to help her change and tuck her in, but she was already sound asleep, golden curls splayed over neon purple pillowcases, and a lime green blanket pulled up to her chin. He leaned against the doorway, not sure if he wanted to be proud and congratulate her, or sob silently in the corner.

He knew the day was coming when she wouldn’t need him anymore. He’d always know that day would come. Hell, he had enough children to know that much. It didn’t help to lessen the pain. She was growing up so fast. Too fast for his liking. By next month, she’d be in high school, and by the end of the year, she’d be off to college, starting a life without him in it.

“Hey,” soft lips brushed over the nape of his neck as a pair of arms wound around his waist. “What’s wrong, Chuck?”

He turned in her arms and pressed a kiss to his wife’s lips. When he pulled back, he couldn’t help but toss a somber glance over his shoulder at the sleeping child. He flipped off her light and pulled her door closed before letting Meghan lead him down the hall to their bedroom.

“She’s growing up.”

“They do that, sweetie.”

“I don’t like it.”

Meghan laughed at him. “Stop pouting, Chuck. Children grow up. That’s kind of how it works.”

“Still don’t like it. She doesn’t even need me anymore. She put herself to bed, Meg!” He gestured in the general direction of the child’s bedroom.

Meghan sighed and leveled him with a look that was half annoyed and half amused. She’d managed to change from her work clothes and into one of his tees without him even noticing, which only irritated him more. It just proved how distracted he was by the whole issue.

“Charles Shurley, you listen to me because I am only going to say this once. Take it from a girl that’s lost her father, Ava will always need you. I don’t care if she yells at you, if she screams and cries and says you’re ruining her life, I don’t care if she tells the whole world she hates you.” Meghan poked him hard in the chest with her finger, emerald eyes dancing with a fire he’d never seen before. He almost wanted to cower, but he stood tall instead.

“A daughter will always need her father, even if neither of them realize it. Just because she’s getting older and more independent doesn’t mean she isn’t going to need you around. It means she’s trying to show you that she can take care of herself so you don’t have to worry about her. She’s trying to show you how strong she is, because she wants to make you proud.”

Chuck swallowed, nodding slightly. He knew, deep down, that his wife was right. He just didn’t like the sudden transition from ‘daddy, can you read me a story,’ to ‘I got an A on the paper I wrote all by myself.’ It made him feel like he was missing out on something. The angels had always needed him, always looked to him for guidance and wisdom, even as they grew. Humans were different, not that Ava was entirely human. Still, the principle stood.

“Now, go kiss her goodnight, check on Karin, and let’s go to bed.” She shooed him out the door and down the hall.

Chuck opened her door, trying not to make a sound as he crept across the room to crouch beside her bed. He brushed her hair back from her face, and he swore he could see the halo resting atop her head. She shifted, blue eyes opening slightly before falling closed again. Ava rolled onto her side to face him and wrapped both arms sleepily around his neck. He hugged her tight for a moment before she pulled away and fell back onto her pillows.

“Night, daddy. I love you.” Her voice was thick with sleep and he could hardly make out what she’d said.  Chuck pulled the blanket back up beneath her chin and pressed a kiss to her forehead.

“I love you too, baby girl. I’ll always love you, no matter what.”

“Forever and ever?”

“Forever and ever.” He stood and left the room to check on the three year old sleeping next door, then he was crawling back into his own bed, wrapping himself around his already sleeping wife.

He had a hard time remembering what things had been like before Meghan and Ava and Karin. He knew he’d been lonely. He’d spent most of his time at the bottom of a bottle with no care to climb out. But for the life of him, Chuck couldn’t recall the events of a single day before them. Not a single one. If he was honest, he didn’t want to. Without his family, it hadn’t really been living anyways.

Heartbreak

Chuck had been prepared for a lot of things when Ava was born. He’d been ready to deal with nightmares and temper tantrums, first days of school and raucous slumber parties. He’d been okay with the princess themed birthday parties and fairy Halloween costumes. Really, he’d been ready to handle anything that came with having a little girl.

Until she wasn’t such a little girl anymore.

No, Chuck Shurley had not been prepared for high school. Or the drama that came with it.

He had gotten better about the whole “my daughter’s growing up and doesn’t need me anymore’ issue he’d had when she was younger, but this was different. This was a whole new level of worry that he had never been prepared to deal with. Chuck had never had to worry with the angels, though seeing how some things turned out, he probably should have been.

It wasn’t even the typical things that he worried about. Peer pressure, smoking, drinking, drugs, flunking classes, wearing inappropriate clothes, or hanging around with the wrong crowd were fears reserved for normal parents. Chuck wasn’t normal. He knew Ava well enough to know that she would weather all of those storms just fine.

His real worry, the one thing that had concerned him the most, was unfolding right in front of him. He’d seen it coming and still he hadn’t done anything to stop it. Part of him didn’t want to stop it, and that left the deity feeling somewhat guilty. He’d never cared for the boy, and not having him in his daughter’s life was a blessing, though not his handiwork. He’d have to thank whoever was responsible. ‘A fruit basket maybe? Or muffins. Everyone loves muffins.’

His heart clenched in his chest as he heard her scream, followed by the sound of something smashing against the living room wall. Probably a lamp. Hopefully the ugly one his wife so dearly loved. While he was happy to see the boy go, it was killing him to see what the arrogant young man’s actions were doing to his littlest angel. Another scream, muffled by the kitchen door and the hum of the air conditioning kicking on, and he heard the front door slam.

“Good riddance,” Chuck muttered into his cup of tea. He stood as the kettle clicked off, pouring the hot water into a large pink mug and following it with a tea ball full of Ava’s favorite tea. He didn’t say a word as he carried both his cup, already half gone and fairly cool, and her’s into the living room. He sat the fresh cup on the coffee table in front of the silently sobbing young woman and took a seat beside her, leaving enough space between them so as not to crowd her. He’d learned that when Meghan had been pregnant the first time around.

They sat there for some time, neither saying a word, but he smiled softly as she picked up her steaming mug and held it close to her face with both hands. She sipped it slowly, sniffling now and then, until the tea was gone and with it her tears. The sadness remained.

“Why?”

He’d almost missed the question, her voice was so quiet.

“I get that a lot, Ava. You’ll have to be more specific.” He gave her a smile, hoping the favor might be returned. It wasn’t.

“Why does it have to hurt so much? Why-” she sniffled again, “ Why do people have to lie and hurt and break things?”

It wasn’t often that Ava didn’t count herself as a person. Most days she was happy to blend into the masses and play the part of the unwitting human. Now clearly wasn’t one of those times. He could see the celestial glow of her eyes without even looking at her. He took a deep breath, trying to figure out the best answer he could give her, only to find that he didn’t really have any good ones.

“Humans...they mess up. They make bad decisions, they don’t think things through. It comes with free will. Every person gets to decide their course, good or bad, and a lot of them don’t know the difference until it's too late. Especially at your age. Teenagers are impulsive, reckless, careless. They never see themselves as being wrong until something comes back to bite them.” Despite his words, Chuck’s tone was endearing.

“It’s not just a human condition, though.” He amended, turning to look at her. “Your brothers and sisters have been guilty of much the same. They’ve done their share of harm.”

“I know. I just...why does it have to hurt? I guess, deep down I kind of expected him to do something, but not this.” Ava bit at her lip as she gazed into her tea, looking for all the world like it held the answers she was seeking.

“He broke your trust. Speaking from experience, betrayal is one of the worst pains there is. It cuts down to the core of who you are and it makes you question everything you’ve ever believed.”

“Will it always be like this? Is this what love is supposed to feel like?”

“This?” He couldn’t help but laugh. “Nah. This...this was a different kind of love. Puppy love. Soon, you’ll forget the pain, and the one that gave it to you. You’ll find others, fall in love, fall out of love. One day, you’ll find that one person that you’ll love forever, and all the heartache and sadness and salty tea will be worth it.”

Chuck watched as Ava wiped her face with the back of her sleeve. She must not have realized she'd been crying, he thought. When she did glance back at him, a small, sad smile danced on her lips.

“Yeah?”

“Yep.”

He hadn’t been ready for it when she wrapped herself around him, and he’d almost dropped his mug, but Chuck didn’t mind. He wrapped one arm around her shoulders, hugging her close to his side, and pressed a kiss to her temple.

“Daddy,” her voice was muffled by his shirt and his shoulder. She never called him that anymore, not unless she was sick or sad.

“Yeah, angel?”

“Could you...would you sing? Please?”

Chuck’s heart warmed at the request. It had been nearly a decade since he’d heard those words from her.

“Of course I will.” He smiled warmly, glancing down into her sapphire eyes. “Any special requests?”

“That one you used to sing when I was little.” She batted her lashes.

“Yeah, okay.” He leaned forward, placing his mug on the coffee table. He snuggled back against the cushions and Ava’s head fell to rest against his chest. He pulled in a breath and began to sing, his voice low and calm.

“If I had wings like Noah’s dove,

I’d fly up the river to the one I love.

Fare thee well, oh honey, fare thee well.

“I knew a man, who was long and tall,

He moved his body like a cannon ball.

Fare thee well, oh honey, fare thee well.

“I remember one night, a drizzlin’ rain,

And ‘round my heart I felt an aching pain.

Fare thee well, oh honey, fare thee well.

“One of these days, it won’t be long

You’ll call my name and I’ll be gone.

Fare thee well, oh honey, fare thee well....”

By the time his voice faded away, Ava was asleep against his shoulder, a small smile on her lips. He brushed her curls away from her face and kissed her forehead softly. With a snap of his fingers, their tea mugs were gone, and with another snap, he was standing over her in her bed. He pulled the blankets up around her, tucking her in as he had all those nights ago when he doubted his relevance in her life. Needless doubting, it would seem. Even at sixteen, almost a woman, she was still his little angel, and she did still need him.

Chuck flipped off her light and stepped out into the hall, pulling the door closed behind him.

Never Let Go

Chuck always knew this day would come. He’d been terrified of it for nearly twenty-five years, and now he was staring it in the face. He wasn’t ready for this, and he had no trouble admitting as much to himself. He was nothing if not honest.

Still, he couldn’t deny that Avacyn was the most beautiful angel in existence. He was leaned against a wall, watching from afar as Meghan helped to finish up her hair and her makeup. His little girl was all grown up and he had to push back the tears that threatened to fall. He couldn’t cry. He was God, for...for his sake. Last time he cried, it rained for months.

Ava had graduated near the top of her class, and at eighteen, she’d left home for the first time for college. Chuck had been extremely proud and extremely distraught. Yes he had a lot of children, but Ava was special. He’d been there for all of her ups and downs, watched her laugh and cry. He’d seen her love with her whole heart, and he’d witnessed that heart being broken more than once. They had a bond that was different, unique; it was unlike anything he had with the rest of his children.

Chuck wasn’t supposed to have favorites. He was supposed to love all of his children equally. Even so, every angel in all of creation knew that those two, Lucifer and Ava, they were his favorites. The two had even butted heads over it, trying to prove that one was more worthy of his attention than the other. Sibling rivalry pertained to all siblings, he supposed. At the end of the day, though, they loved each other just as much.

When she was younger, Ava had grown close to Gabriel and Balthazar. They treated her like a princess, sneaking her gifts and treats with each visit. The older she got, though, the closer she’d become to the two eldest angels. He was convinced that had something to do with Karin’s birth. She’d taken the responsibility as big sister very seriously from day one, and she’d looked up to Lucifer and Michael because they were the biggest brothers she had. While it pleased Chuck to know that she was getting along with all of her siblings, he often found himself thinking that maybe she should have chosen better role models.

Not having Ava at home had been tough on him, but he managed. He spent most of his time caring for Karin. The twelve year-old was thrilled to finally have all of his father’s attention, and Chuck felt guilty then for not dividing his time as evenly between the two as he should have. Karin just always seemed to be alright. He never got upset, or bothered by much, and he had an easy-going attitude about things that his sister didn’t possess. Where Ava stressed and fretted, Karin just let things happen. Chuck was keenly aware that that didn’t mean the boy hadn’t needed his father. He’d seen what happened to his children when he’d run off, and he’d be damned if he ever let that happen again.

When Ava came home on break for the holidays during her senior year, the last thing Chuck expected to see was a boy on her arm. Meghan had ushered them both in from the snow and put them to work on helping her with the decorations. Chuck didn’t have time to even catch the kid’s name until dinner that night when they’d all decided it was time to stop. He’d spent most of the afternoon hanging lights outside. An easy task until Gabriel showed up and decided he needed to ‘help.’

His name, it turned out, was Theodore Dawson, and he was from Atlanta, Georgia. He was a nice kid, Chuck supposed as they passed around bowls of mashed potatoes, green bean casserole, and brussel sprouts. He was polite, well dressed, and clean-cut. His hair was a bit on the shaggy side, but next to Sam Winchester, it looked like a buzz cut. He was two years older than Ava and was working on his masters in Anthropology at TSU.They’d met through a mutual friend and hit it off. Chuck could tell by the way they looked at each other that this what the one he’d told his little angel about all those years ago as they nursed hot tea on the sofa.

The couple had been dating for two years when Theo had shown up on his doorstep, completely unannounced and looking like he might faint. They’d talked at length that afternoon, and by the time Theo had left, Chuck had gladly given his blessing. A month later, Ava called to announce that Theo had proposed and she had said yes.

That had been almost a year ago.

The thundering toll of the bell several stories above them shook Chuck from his musings. It was time. He could hear the music playing, the bellowing of the organ echoing throughout the old cathedral. That was one part Chuck still had a difficult time with. Theo, it turned out, was Catholic, and his parents had insisted on having a large Catholic wedding. Between Theo’s family and Ava’s family, a small wedding had never been an option, but Chuck had kept his mouth shut on that.

“Ready?” Ava asked him with a teasing smile as she stepped up to his side. In that instant, Chuck could see it all, from the frightened toddler, the independent child, the intelligent young woman. It was all there in that smile, in those eyes. She was a literal angel, dressed in the most beautiful white gown, with a train a mile long and a veil to rival it. He nodded with a smile and offered her his arm before leading her out into the hallway. The bridesmaids and groomsmen were all ready to go, some angels, some human, and with a kiss to her cheek, the procession began. By the time the bridal march was filling the air, Chuck was a nervous wreck. He wasn’t ready for this. He didn’t want to hand his little girl over to someone else, to watch her leave him behind.

“I’m scared, too.” She whispered, glancing up at him as they began the slow march towards the pulpit.

“You? Scared? Impossible.” He teased, his hold on her hand tightening a fraction.

“I’m terrified. I don’t know what’s going to happen.” He could sense the actual fear in her words. She wasn’t just trying to make him feel better.

“Isn’t that the point? This is the start of something new, Ava. After today nothing will be the same. Everything changes the moment you say ‘I do.’” He shook his head slightly, trying to will away the tightness in his voice. “It’s a new adventure.”

“But starting a new one means leaving the old one behind. What if-” She seemed to be having the same problem. “What if the old one isn’t finished yet?”

“You don’t always get to finish one adventure before the next one starts. Just ask a Winchester.”

She laughed and gave him a wary smile. “Fair enough.”

They were almost there now.

“Promise me something, daddy,” she let her head fall against his shoulder for a second.

“Anything, angel.”

“No matter what happens, no matter where I go, just promise me you’ll always be there, just like you always have been.” Her words were sad now, tinged with worry.

Chuck stopped, pulling her to a halt next to him. He turned, leveling her with a gaze he normally only reserved for those times when he actually had to be God. They stared at each other for a long moment before he spoke.

“I will always be here for you. I’m never going anywhere. Never again.”

[xinnistradlord]

*SLAMS 💌 DOWN* WHY DONT YALL TALK ABOUT OPENING UP TO PEOPLE AND HOW ITS IMPORTANT. ESPECIALLY U DAD.

Ok so, firstly I think it’s super important to open up and talk about your feelings to people you trust like friends and family. Lets them know how you’re doing and what not, takes a huge weight off your shoulders and you really stop feeling grumpy and irritated after it. Secondly, look man; you got a fuck ton to discuss with someone and I think it’s about time you open up.

“Young one, opening up does very little and the fact remains that I’ve seen and done many things. Keeping it under lock and key by simply not caring is how I’ve dealt with it for more than hundreds of mortal life times put together.”

Hey. Look. Opening up is difficult yeah, trust me I’ve been there and done that like thousands of times. You might be old and have experience, wisdom and whatever else. But emotionally? You’re like way less experienced because you don’t do emotions apart from one; Grumpy as heck. Like I said, you gotta talk to someone you trust. I think you should talk to Avacyn ‘bout the crap and shit you’ve dealt with; she seems more than willing to listen. 

Gotta stop bein’ so stubborn about opening up, she isn’t gonna judge you for much if that’s what you’re afraid of. Nor are you gonna be a massive burden and bring everything down. I encourage people to talk about how they feel because even if you don’t realise it, she cares a lot about you it seems. Not caring isn’t a great mechanism, I can understand why you’d do that but jez that only goes so far. You just start wasting away emotionally after so long, I’ve totally noticed reading the story over and over again. 

“Supposedly if it gets to the point I feel able? Perhaps. Old habits die hard and I’m sure you know very well yourself the difficulty of breaking cycles.”

Sure I do, I got a lot of terrible habits and I admit that; but you gotta realise opening up does a lot for your health n shit.

“It isn’t that I would assume she wouldn’t care; she has enough to be putting up with aside from my problems and issues from past events. Talking about how I feel wasn’t at the top of my priorities throughout the ages; I assumed people wouldn’t care to listen after everything that had been done at my hands. People don’t appreciate it whenever you begin to feel remorse for your own actions. Besides the fact, I have other emotions besides that feeling grim constantly.”

What like being totally sassy and snarky with people? It’s my favourite part of ‘In The Teeth of Akoum’. Yeah you’ve done terrible things but, a lot of the older planeswalkers like Liliana, Nahiri, Ob Nixilis and God forbid Nicol Bolas. I might really hate the likes of Nicol Bolas like honestly fuck that guy, but their actions have been influenced by their past expereinces with people; thus shaping them as people. 

Folk still really love the likes of Liliana, she’s a great character and she has Jace every now and then to talk to when they aren’t bickering or somethin’. She might do questionable shit but people still trust and like her, same for you too.

“You care far too much about ‘Opening up’. Though in some way you aren’t entriely wrong, which is strange. Perhaps speaking with Avacyn wouldn’t be a terrible plan. Older Planeswalkers have seen much more than the conventional younger ones; though I may have disagreements with them, their actions are explained by some means typically.”

Yeah, go talk to her; you don’t have to unload all at once, maybe do it in like I dunno parts? Treat it like you’re writing a story. You wouldn’t do that all at once, you’d get real exhausted after like the first couple chapters. I mean after all she’s technically part of your family; like a daughter? Probably.

I’m gonna stop rambling now and let you get to all that important jazz with your kiddo.

“Fine, if it so pleases you I will speak with her eventually. Though don’t take my word for it.”

Sure, sure. I know you’re gonna take like five thousands years to do something about it but it’s the effort that counts.

[askkrenko]

Magic Story Abridged: Nahiri Rocks

(Episode 6; Original stories HERE and HERE)

Art by UDON

ABOUT SIX THOUSAND YEARS AGO, LESS FORTY

ZENDIKAR

Nahiri: Goodbye, Sorin! Visit soon! We’ll go fishing or hiking or we can practice swordfighting or whatever you want really! I’ll miss you! Hurry back!

Sorin: I won’t be gone long. A few years at most.

Nahiri: Goodbye, Ugin! … ... Goodbye, Ugin!

Ugin: Goodbye, Nahiri.

(Ugin and Sorin planeswalk away, leaving Nahiri behind)

Nahiri: … Well, they’re gone, and I’m stuck on this plane for all eternity keeping an eye on the Eldrazi prison. I guess there’s only one thing to do…. PARTY!

(Nahiri proceeds to party. For five thousand years.

(She goes all over the world, meets everybody, gets laid repeatedly, and gorges herself on fine food and drink. Sorin shows up from time to time to party with her. And then everybody dies. Not all at once, mind. But over time. Everyone she meets. Dead. After like seventy years. Fine for them. Not for her. Really becomes a bummer. How’re you supposed to party for eternity when Sorin’s the only other person who even lives for eternity?)

Nahiri: Ugh… Okay, this party got bad in a hurry. It’s only been five millennia. What the hell am I even supposed to do for the rest of forever? And where the hell is Sorin? It’s been like a decade, and I could really use a friend right about now.

The Soul of Zendikar, a glowing green beastie that only Nahiri can see: Hi! I’ll be your friend. But I need you to do something for me.

Nahiri: What? I mean, sure! But what?

Zendikar: MAKE THE HURTING STOOOOOOOOOOP! (The entire plane shakes)

Nahiri: The what? Oh, scute! The Eldrazi! I need to make a call.

(Nahiri goes to the Eye of Ugin.)

Nahiri: UGIN! UGIN! I NEED YOUR HELP!

Eye of Ugin: Rrrrring. Rrrrring. Rrrrring. Rrrrring.

Nahiri: He’s not answering. Why isn’t he answering? UGIN! IT’S THE ELDRAZI!

Eye of Ugin: Hello, you have reached Ugin, the Spirit Dragon. I can’t come to the magical stone right now, but if you leave your name, home plane, and a brief message, I’ll get back to you as soon as possible. Beep.

Nahiri:  Damnit! It’s Nahiri! Zendikar! Eldrazi! Come quick!   Uumm… SORIN! CALL SORIN!

Eye of Ugin: The number you have dialed is not in service. Please check the number and dial again.

Nahiri: What? WHAT?!?! What does that even… No time! Gotta check the hedrons!

(Nahiri runs off around the world to make sure the giant floating octahedrons are still in place. At Ondu, Nahiri finds…)

Art by Daniel Ljunggren

Nahiri: SEXY ANTHROPOMORPHIC ELDRAZI STATUES? THE F***?! THE ACTUAL F***?!

Zendikar: Well, remember that time you called them gods?

Nahiri: I called them dark and vile gods that tried to destroy the world!

Zendikar: Right. Gods.

Nahiri: Oh, Eldrazidamnit.   (Nahiri waves her hand and the statues collapse.)

(Nahiri continues to roam the world, fighting small Eldrazi spawn along the way. She gets back and finds… The damage to the network was in a cave right near where she started. She’d just started going the wrong way.)

(Turns out someone carved one of the hedrons into a sexy anthropomorphic Ulamog statue.)

Nahiri: Oh, come on! Now I’ve got to melt this whole thing down and…

Art by James Ryman

Vampire, arriving with weapons drawn, and reinforcements: You’ll do no such thing! This is our sacred shrine!

Nahiri: ...There aren’t any Vampires on Zendikar.

Vampire: I think you’ll find that- (Nahri points. Rocks fall. All the vampires die.)

Nahiri: Right, I’ve got to melt this whole thing down and…

Zendikar: IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS! (Earthquakes happen)

Eldrazi Spawn: Kekeke Eldrazi Rush!

Nahiri: Well, at least I’m not bored anymore…

Art by Jaime Jones

(Nahiri fights Eldrazi off for years as she magically reforges the Hedron. Zendikar complains the whole time. Finally, she remakes it, sets it back in place, and the Eldrazi stop coming…)

Nahiri: There you go, Zendikar. All better.

Zendikar: ...It still hurts. You didn’t do it right. The dragon did it better.

Nahiri: Well, the dragon isn’t here… Neither is Sorin. Damnit, where is Sorin? He better be dead! No! I didn’t mean that! I hope he’s not dead! And why do I have vampires? Zendikar! You stay here!

Zendikar: I am the spirit of this plane and can do literally nothing else.

Nahiri: Great. I’m going to find Sorin! I’ll be back soon!

(Nahiri planeswalks away)

Art by Jaime Jones

INNISTRAD

Nahiri: ...That is easily the ugliest Hedron I have ever seen.

Sorin, appearing silently: I made do. I only know what lithomancy you’ve taught me, and-

(Nahiri GLOMPS Sorin)

Nahiri: YOU’RE ALIVE! I thought you were dead! Why aren’t you dead? Where the hell have you been?

Sorin: Right here! Why would I be dead?

Nahiri: The hedrons got damaged and I called on the Eye of Ugin and nobody came and I had to fix it myself and I was so worried about you!

Sorin: As long as you fixed it. All’s well that ends well.

Nahiri: Except you didn’t come!

Sorin: Oh, that. I put up a magical barrier to protect Innistrad from otherworldly threats. Gave me a nice alarm when you showed up. Must’ve blocked the Eye of Ugin, too.

Nahiri: ...A magical barrier.

Sorin: Oh, yeah. There’s some pretty nasty stuff out there, you know. Terrifying, really. Phyrexians, Dragons, Storm Crows, Eldrazi…

Nahiri: I am aware of the Eldrazi!

Sorin: Then you can see why I needed a barrier.

Nahiri: I needed your help! You promised! And I still need your help! We need to go back to Zendikar! We need to secure the entire network!

Sorin: Calm down, kid. I’ve like a million other things to do right now.

Nahiri: Kid?! I’m over five thousand years old!

Sorin: And I’m over six thousand. You’re a kid.

Nahiri: GRAAAA! (Nahiri hits Sorin with a rock.)

Sorin: Well, I hardly think this kind of reaction is called for.

(Nahiri keeps hitting Sorin with rocks.)

Nahiri: You’re (ROCK) going to shut up, (ROCK) come back to Zendikar, (ROCK) and help me make sure the whole (ROCK) damn (ROCK) Hedron Network (ROCK)  is safe from harm!

???: LEAVE MY DAD ALONE!

Art by Jason Chan

(Nahiri gets suckerpunched by a pale white angel with black clothes and makeup; an achromatic angel, if you will)

Nahiri: An Angel? How did you-?

(Nahiri and the angel fight; rock sword against silver spear. Clang clink clash! The battle is hard fought, and it looks like Nahiri might win, but then…)

Sorin: Stop! Time out!

Nahiri: You can’t just call a time out in a sword fight!

Sorin: No, I mean, you. You’re getting a time out.

(Sorin uses a magical laser to shove Nahiri into the big ugly hedron. She sinks into it and disappears)

Sorin: Into the penalty box with you.

Avacyn, the angel: How long is she to remain in there?

Sorin: Honestly, kid? I don’t actually know how to get her out. It’s designed to hold demons. Forever.

Avacyn: Oh, of course. Shall I fill it with demons?

Sorin: Definitely. You go do that.

(And so she did.)

Art by Kieran Yanner

[housebeleren]

Core Set 2020 New Commanders

Alright alright alright, it’s time again for a new set. Now that Core Set 2020 previews are officially done, it’s time to start evaluating cards for that very, very best of formats: Commander. I’ll run through the new Legendary creatures first, and see what looks like fun to build around. 

With that in mind, I just want to say that this core set has knocked it out of the park on the EDH front. Seriously. There are so many goodies in this set for us. It’s clear they had some Commander fans in the design team, and for that I am thankful. With that, let’s get to it.

I could’ve started anywhere, so why not start here? Apparently Wizards has figured out that people like foil Legendary Creatures & Planeswalkers, and that by putting them as buy-a-box promos, people will buy boxes. Smart cookies.

As for Rienne, she’s pretty sweet. People have been asking for more variety on Angel commanders, and Naya angels is one of the ones that was missing. Her ability is pretty frickin cool, and will encourage some specific deckbuilding choices, which I am very much for. She’s definitely casual, but could end up being surprisingly effective too. Cards you’ll definitely want for her are Saffi Eriksdotter, Qasali Pridemage, and any other multicolored creatures you can sac for value. Also, she could be great friends with Brion Stoutarm, if that sort of thing interests you.

Now, on to the actual in-set cards. Just look at this beauty. Daarken is a master at illustrating creepy crawlies, as this piece fabulously demonstrates.

As if the art weren’t cool enough, Yarok is likely the best new commander in the set. Panharmonicon is a format staple, and having one in your command zone is epic. Not only is Yarok a Panharmonicon, he also triggers off of Enchantments & Lands. Landfall triggers get doubled! Constellation triggers get doubled! The potential value is immense, and I think there are probably dozens of viable builds for this... guy? 

Yeah, we’ll go with that.

I’m sensing some flack out there about my old buddy Omnath, and I’m here to tell you that I won’t stand for it! Sure, he’s not inherently busted like Yarok, and Horde of Notions as a thing that is also Elemental tribal but with access to all colors. But no, I actually really like the design of new Omnath, Who Somewhere Acquired Blue in his Adventures. 

This, like previous versions of Omnath, is still a base Green deck as you’ll want plenty of access to ramp. But adding Blue gives you some nice perks, such as being able to run Mulldrifter and Master of Waves, which not only makes a bunch of bodies for Omnath’s first ability, but also is a lord for a tribe that really doesn’t have many of those. Tempt With Vengeance looks a lot better when all your Elementals are bigger than everyone else’s. Also, Blue opens up the possibility of running Deadeye Navigator (not an Elemental), which plays nicely with a pile of mana and Omnath’s first ability. All told, I like him, and I think he’ll be a casual favorite from the set.

I love this design. It’s very Jeskai while still being something I haven’t exactly seen before. Kykar wants to be a spellslinger, and there is no doubt about that. She (I’m totally guessing here, so apologies if I got it wrong) plays sort of like a twist on The Locust God, only... without as easily abusable of a trigger, no self-recursion, and no... mandibles? BUT, you do get access to White mana (good for wraths & powerful removal) and a mana ramping ability to keep the cards flowing. And let’s be real, you’re going to play ol’ Bugeyes in this deck too. Also Skullclamp, because you’re not going to turn down that shit, are you?

In the end, I suspect Locust God is probably more competitive, but I would be surprised if Kykar didn’t have some fans that prefer her. Oh! And there’s Bird tribal, so that’s a thing if you’re a masochist.

As I mentioned in a previous post, the trouble with Kaalia is really herself. Her old card, Kaalia of the Vast, somewhat overshadows this new “fixed” version. And ultimately, they make basically the same deck. Sure, in this version, you might aim for a little lower CMC on average, since you can’t cheat things out as easily, and you’re also probably not going to dedicate so many slots to giving her Haste & generating extra combats. But besides that, the decks will be the same. So, maybe 80% identical? But honestly, probably the best use for new Kaalia is in the 99 of the build of old Kaalia to help replenish her hand (which was a problem sometimes, trust me, I know from experience).

Cute card, and honestly I kinda prefer this design for being less degenerate than her first incarnation, but I doubt she’ll get much play outside of OG Kaalia’s 99.

I don’t know who wanted this card, but whoever you are...here it is. (Seriously, was anyone clamoring for Abzan Legends?) 

Mostly, my suspicion is that a Kethis deck will work something like a Karador, Ghost Chieftain deck, but with a greater emphasis on Legendaries. That said, I can’t shake the feeling that there’s some sort of bizarre combo in here. Paradox Engine and the newer Moxen are Legendary, and there are a bunch of Legendary creatures that tap for mana, such as Rishkar, Marwyn, and (of course) Rofellos. It shouldn’t be hard with some self-milling and a couple quick tutors to assemble a Paradox Engine fueled untappy-fest of awfulness from your graveyard.

To what end? I have no idea.

Two things. First, I “generally” hate 5 color generals. (Apologies for that one.) Second, I love this one. I think Golos may be my favorite new Commander from the set, and the one I’m the most likely to build. What I like about him is that he doesn’t fall into the trap that so many 5 color generals fall into, which is the trap of just being generally superior to other options. Why would you run any Warrior tribal other than Najeela? For that matter, why use the existing options for any tribe when Morophon is a thing? Like Legendary things? Who doesn’t? But why would you ever build a Kethis, the Hidden Hand deck when Sisay just does it better? No need for creativity anymore, Wizards has taken all restrictions away so you can fill any deck with the best every color has to offer.

Sorry, should’ve warned about the rant. So what I’m saying is, I love Golos because he is NOT that. There are better options out there, so if you’re going to build a Golos deck, you’re going to do it because something about this weird little golem speaks to you. Yes, I’m aware that there are likely plenty of ways to break this. Yes, I’m aware most of those ways involve Paraox Engine (quelle suprise). But mostly, he looks fun. He goes around finding lands, and then uses those lands to make some random shit happen. I like.

Okay, we’re done with the multicolor Legends, now it’s time for the apparently obligatory monocolor Cycle. First things first: who the hell named this card? Drakuseth? What, was Dragobob not quite good enough? I don’t think I’ll be able to say this card’s name without rolling my eyes. It’s like a bad 90s shareware fantasy RPG character name.

In any case, Wyverjohn, Mouth of Burns is as ineffective at doing anything as his name implies. He’s big, he’s dumb, and he’s not worth including in any of your decks. Sorry Drakaphil.

Well, this one is named slightly better. (In the same way that getting kicked in the face is slightly better than getting punched in the dick.) But the real good news is that as a Commander potential, he’s waaaaaay better. Yes, Hydras are a massively derpy tribe, so we’re just going to keep that as a given. 

But he’s an enormous 8/7 for 6 mana, can attack and block well, and he helps ramp out your other Hydras. Not only that, but he offers some level of protection against spot removal, since he’ll eat something else off the board any time one of your creatures gets targeted. Honestly, this might be the best Hydra tribal commander we’ve ever seen. That’s not saying much, but it is saying something. And if for some reason you’ve decided to build a different hydra general (for... reasons?), he’ll go in the 99 for sure. 

Okay, Miss Sephara here isn’t half bad. She’s crazy expensive for 7 mana, but she’s huge, and granting Indestructible to a whole pile of other Angels is no small thing. But the real fire is casting her for her alternate cost. Tapping 4 creatures with flying isn’t nothing, but there are plenty of decks that can make that happen fairly easily with Spirit or Bird tokens or some other such nonsense. 

Honestly, I think the place she’ll see play is in Angel tribal decks, where she offers some additional Avacyn redundancy to protect your flight. I’ll probably find her a spot in my Angel deck once the set comes out.

Atemsis is a weird design, but pretty damn cute design too. Let’s just say, casting her for 6 and then trying to loot your way to her win con one card at a time probably isn’t going to get you anywhere. No, what you’ll want to do here is draw your entire deck or some ungodly amount of cards, at which point you should easily have 6 different CMCs present. Then, all you have to do is deal some damage to your opponents. Attacking is so... uncertain. I’d rather find a way to have Atemsis deal damage safely from my side of the board, thank you very much. There are some janky equipments out there that can have her tap to deal damage, plus Livewire Lash, which only requires that she be targeted by something. In any case, I think there is a build in here somewhere, and she’ll also do fine as an inclusion in Sphinx tribal decks as well. Or other random decks that are just looking for weird alternate win conditions. That too.

Again with the names. Vilis sounds so much like Phyllis, so every time i read this card I can’t help but think that this demon is a trans great-aunt of some sort. So that’s a thing. Well, when evaluating this card, there’s an obvious comparison that has to be made. Razaketh, the Foulblooded is also an 8/8 Demon for 8 mana that has a card advantage ability. Vilis has the leg up of coming with built-in removal, as well as naturally synergizing with tons of other Black cards that will incidentally also cause you to draw cards. Plus, he naturally deters attackers because every point of damage taken will cause you to draw more gas. However, Razaketh is a repeatable tutor on a stick, provided you have enough bodies to chuck at him. And at the end of the day, why are you drawing a mess of cards if not to get to the specific ones you need to win? 

So, my hunch is that Razaketh will remain the more competitive option, but Vilis may very well be the more “fun” of the two. And in decks that can handle the mana, there’s no reason you can’t run both. I’m considering adding Vilis to my Rakdos, the Showstopper deck as another Demon & source of card advantage. (Also, I don’t have unlimited copies of Razaketh, so Vilis may do in a pinch.) All told, I think there’s space in EDH for both of them.

Oh, just whatever you do, don’t bring this guy out against a Nekusar player. K?

So that’s it. All the new Legendary creatures from Core Set 2020. Honestly, despite my griping, this is a really solid crop of Commanders, and I think nearly all of them have homes in EDH somewhere. (Drakuseth excluded. He knows what he did.)

[housebeleren]

Dominaria New Commanders

Yeah, I know I’m way behind. I’m gonna try to blaze through the Dominaria posts super fast at this point, skip M19 pretty much altogether, so I can jump back into what’s current. 

But first Dominaria. Which means let’s look at new Commanders! Obviously there are a metric shit-ton in Dominaria, given that Legendary is a thing, so let’s just get right into it! Obviously, I’ll be looking at these from a 75% perspective, as always.

It makes sense to start with these two, since they’re the Buy-a-Box promo for the set. First of all, I’m just going to say that I hate that the Buy-a-Box promos are unique cards. This card is sitting at around $15, and that’s only because they’re... honestly not that great. Can you imagine if the card were something that were playable in Standard or Modern? They’d be over $50 easily! 

Anyway, as far as being a general is concerned, I do like them. They’re fully 75% playable, and they bring a different aspect to Boros, which is a very underutilized color combo in EDH. Them costing 6 mana to play is unfortunate, because making them a bit smaller body as a 4-drop would make them a great general. But for casual tables, they’re brilliant.

Let’s not kid ourselves, this card was made for Commander. It has nothing to do with the set or mechanics, but is just a sweet design for EDH. Enough has already been written about Muldrotha that I don’t need to get into it. I think the design is clever for Sultai, and there will be plenty of ways to break it. Nuff said.

Darigaaz has the other problem, which is that he really plays like a Limited bomb rather than an EDH general. The trouble is in these colors you have Prossh and Karthus, both of which are better Jund dragons. Even original Darigaaz is kinda a better commander. Waiting 3 turns to get him back is just not how EDH works.

Broken. Combotastic. I’ve already seen Jhoira decks that made me want to vomit. The fact of the matter is that it’s so easy to go infinite off an ability like this, given the prevalence of cheap artifacts in Magic’s history. She also slots perfectly into Breya decks, as if they needed any more reasons to be bullshit.

Let’s not kid ourselves. Verix was designed for Standard, which is unfortunate, since Lyra is currently making Verix look cute and pathetic. Verix is a Limited bomb, but honestly not Commander material.

New Multani is interesting. My first impression is that he belongs as one of the 99 in a Lands deck, like Gitrog. But there’s actually some weird Voltron potential here. Stick him in a crazy ramp build and just run over your opponents. I could see it in casual circles.

Lyra is the real shit. She’s dominating Standard, and on top of that, she’s arguably playable if you’re looking to make mono-White Angels a thing. Avacyn is still the best EDH angel, but she is an 8-drop. Lyra comes down way earlier and makes your deck threatening until you get to your bombs. So there may be something here.

If she hadn’t been restricted to spells you control, I’d have been sold on Blue Dualcaster. As it is, she seems like mediocre filler for an Inalla deck, and mediocre-er filler for a spellslinger deck. I’d even run the Uncommon Adeliz as a general over Naru Meha, and that’s saying something. Cute in Draft tho.

Aside from having a ridiculous name (seriously, say “Belzenlok” five times fast), this guy has some potential. I’m not seeing him as a general, but as an inclusion in the 99 of decks like Rakdos, Lord of Riots, or other Demon tribal, he’s pretty solid.

Jodah is another one that was built for EDH, no question. I would’ve liked to see him at 4/4 and out of Bolt range, but whatever. I’m putting him at the head of my Superfriends deck, for sure, no questions asked. Besides that, there are some really cool builds for him to cast massive threats like Eldrazi titans and such for cheap. Seems good, but not actually broken, which is where I like my buildaround generals to live.

Aryel is slow and not super impactful, but Knights tribal is jank anyway, and she’s probably the best general they’ve got at this point. I’d make a 50% version of this deck.

Radha seems pretty sweet. I could definitely see her heading up an interesting tokens build, with the ultimate goal to burn out opponents with massive mana spells. That said, I don’t think she’ll see competitive play anytime soon.

Oh, you forgot about Niambi, didn’t you? It’s the first time they’ve printed a new Legend in a Planeswalker deck, so I’m not surprised. Honestly, Niambi is a huge miss, mechanically, as many have already commented. Having her only job be to go find a dude to take care of things is pretty inexcusable. They could have at least given her an ability like: “Tap: Prevent 1 damage to any target,” as a way to protect the Planeswalker she went and found. But whatever. If Teferi, Timebender were a better card, I could actually see running this as a weird jank deck where you just keep ultimating him then bringing him back with Niambi. But he’s basically garbage without being able to abuse his ultimate, and that’s hard to do in these colors without Doubling Season. I think there’s an infinite combo here with Niambi, Teferi, Deepglow Skate, and Deadeye Navigator. That sounds definitely like a reasonable plan, right?

Shalai is the real deal. At first glance, she reminds me of Sigarda, though the fact that she doesn’t have Hexproof herself makes me think of a different build. Instead of Voltron, I’d try to create some sort of Hatebear control deck with accidental infinite mana combos. Either way, angels are always popular, and Selesnya hasn’t gotten a ton of great generals recently, so I expect some people to be excited for Shalai.

Oof. 7 mana? Really? At 6, this would still be basically unplayable. Stick with Olivia if R/B Vampires is your schtick. I mean... fine. I guess there’s some sort of weird Pestilence Voltron build here somewhere, but that seems... not great.

Evra is really an interesting design, but I would have liked it a lot more at 4 or 5 mana, since 6 is just so punishing for a general with no protection. Even so, it’s a long shot for this to see any play outside of limited. If it does, it would be some sort of odd win condition in a lifegain deck.

Josu is amazing in the 99 of a Zombies build. As a general, he’s a little underwhelming, but I suppose if you’re looking for mono black go-wide you could do worse.

Marwyn is interesting. She leans towards a go-wide Voltron direction, which is a little strange, but works for Elfball. I don’t think she’s going to supplant Freyalise or Ezuri anytime soon, but she’ll also work well in the 99 of those builds too.

Well, Inalla got a new best friend. There’s basically no reason to run him as a general, but he’s going to be great in the 99.

We all love Squee, and this version of Squee actually has some potential. I can absolutely imagine putting Squee into some builds of Purphoros, and he’ll do work in Food Chain variants of Prossh. As a general himself, he’s a little weak and seems like a poor version of Norin.

I dunno... this card intrigues me. There’s potentially some sort of strange reanimator build here, but unfortunately a lot of the targets you’d really want are larger than 3 CMC. I could definitely see this seeing use in a Captain Sisay build, getting back all the cheap legendaries you’re looking for.

Okay, hear me out, but I think Torgaar is potentially a totally viable Big Black general. With a few cheap, recurrable creatures, you can land Torgaar pretty early. But more importantly, with a Wound Reflection out, you can one-shot somebody. It’s a little jank, to be sure, but anytime there’s “one card” combos like this, it’s worth taking seriously.

This card is for limited & maybe Standard. No way is a vanillia flier seeing EDH play.

I know I just said a vanilla creature isn’t going to see EDH play, but a 7/7 artifact creature for only 4 mana is pretty intriguing. Even just as a beater in Jhoira decks, this could see something.

Alright, now that we’re in the Uncommons, I’m not going to go through all of them, since they’re mostly just limited fodder. Adeliz is one of the 10 archetype signpost cards, and she’s the real deal. And as far as a R/U Wizards general, there’s actually some potential here. I mean, Wizards will always live in Inalla’s shadow, but if you’re in the market for a more aggressive tempo version, Adeliz is your girl.

Garna is really interesting. There’s a reanimator build in here somewhere, but it does seem a little pricy to be super viable.

Hallar is also super interesting. There’s not quite enough good Green or Red Kicker cards to really turn this on, but with a few more printed, there could be a real ramp build in here.

There’s a really interesting design here. Given the dearth of Sagas, I think this is really likely to be an Artifact build. Giving all your Artifacts Flash is a good way to keep the opposition guessing, and the potential to win out of nowhere. I could definitely see this doing something.

Another super interesting design. There’s some similarity to Mairsil here, though obviously a lot more restrictive. But if I were feeling ambitious, I could try to build something around her.

Slimefoot is the real deal. This little guy is a super strong contender for best Saproling commander printed. He’s a self-fueling machine, and a great general.

Tatyova seems like a great addition to just about any Simic deck. Playing Lands and drawing cards is exactly what the colors want to do. She’s probably best in the 99, but could head up a deck herself if you’re so inclined.

Don’t get me wrong, Tiana isn’t...great. That said, I’m really excited for them to be exploring this space for R/W, since so many Boros generals are purely focused on combat. I’d love for them to keep designing cards in this vein.

Whisper is sorta a variant on Hell’s Caretaker, but with more flexible timing coming at the expense of requiring multiple creatures. That said, I don’t think Whisper is going to be great at the helm of his own deck, but definitely could be a role player in the 99 of reanimator builds.

Aaaand then there’s Yargle. Somehow, this bizarre little guy became one of the most iconic cards of the set, spawning memes left and right. And you bet your ass I went right ahead and built myself a Yargle deck. Is it good? Not a chance. Did I put in Hatred and Tainted Strike for quick one-shot dickpunch wins? Fuck yeah.

So that’s basically it. There are a few more, but not that will have any impact on the format. With that, I’m wrapping up, and I’ll wrap up Dominaria shortly here as well.