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bidoofenergy · 2 years

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let’s ditch the dance floor

it starts with a Grian Party and a cowboy hat (yeehaw) also on AO3 (5,011 words)

Like far too much in Jimmy’s life, it starts with a Grian Party. Jimmy doesn’t want to go when he first hears whispers of another legendary party at Grian’s place. Grian loves a theme and it’s almost time for a third murder mystery party. Jimmy isn’t interested in being the victim for the third time. Grian swears the roles were randomly assigned, but he looked way too pleased when Jimmy announced, “I’m dead. Again.”

Grian’s formal invitation comes as Jimmy is slowly puzzling through this week’s reading for a philosophy class. He’d love to just skim through and call it a day, but this professor is a little too fond of asking detailed questions to anyone she thinks isn’t paying attention for Jimmy’s comfort. Not that Jimmy doesn’t pay attention! But sometimes he’s still stuck on the last thing she said and then he loses track of the lecture and she asks him a question and he’s barely processed it before she’s mad at him and moving on.

Jimmy’s phone buzzes and he swipes open the text notification, smiling at the contact photo he’d set for Grian: a grainy picture of a younger Grian with a slightly unhinged smile and the reflection of fireworks in his eyes.

Grian: hi tim party at mine this saturday don’t worry you’re not fake dying this time it’s a costume party

Grian: im’ randomly assigning everyone a letter come dressed as something starting with that letter and it better be good or i’m not letting you in

Jimmy snorts and taps the link Grian included. It opens a wheel picker website, titled “good costumes or DEATH”. There’s only one option: C.

Jimmy: grian there’s only one option

Grian: don’t be difficult tim just spin the wheel

Jimmy: THERE’S ONLY ONE OPTION

Grian: SPIN THE DAMN WHEEL TIM

Grian: and send me a screenshot when you do im making a spreadsheet

Jimmy sighs, a little amused despite himself. Of course Grian is making a spreadsheet. He’ll probably be checking everyone’s costumes at the door and rating them for quality and adherence to theme. He taps the button that says “spin” and watches the digital wheel spin pointlessly. “C!” the website announces happily and Jimmy sends a screenshot to Grian.

Jimmy: [image]

Grian: thank you god was that so hard

Jimmy: i hate you

Grian: strong words

Grian: if you show up as a fish again im kicking you out.

At this Jimmy groans out loud and winces when the person at the table next to him sends him a glare. It’s early in the semester, but it’s never too early for the upper floors of the ESU library to be full of anxious try-hards. Grian, as usual, is purposefully making his life difficult. He knows that Jimmy barely has anything for a costume. He’s shown up to at lease three different parties in the codfish mask he originally made for the D&D campaign fWhip ran last year.

Jimmy: why did you give me C just to tell me not to show up as the codfather

Grian: i don’t know what you’re talking about

Grian: if you show up in your LARP costume im stealing your shitty face

Jimmy: IT’S NOT LARP

Jimmy: OH MY GOD HOW MANY TIMES

Grian: oh my cod*

Despite himself, Jimmy laughs. The person nearby coughs pointedly and Jimmy takes the hint. He starts to pack up his things, thinking about costumes that start with the letter C that he can throw together before the weekend. Grian loves to make his life difficult: telling him on Wednesday about a party on Saturday, not letting him wear his usual costume, making him laugh and have to leave the library. He’s probably going to try to introduce people to Jimmy. Grian loves an inter-school party and he loves to throw Jimmy to the wolves. The wolves in this case being HCU students that only know him as Grian’s pseudo-younger-brother that died at both murder mystery parties

Jimmy’s still going to the party, of course, and he has just the costume in mind.

Grian doesn’t answer the door when Jimmy arrives on Saturday, which is a little disappointing, but Gem does, which more than makes up for it. “Hi Jimmy!” she exclaims. She’s dressed up as a butterfly, in a black dress with wings that look like a monarch butterfly and pompom antennae on a headband.

“Howdy ma’am.” Jimmy grins and touches the brim of his hat. He’s speaking with his best southern American accent. It isn’t very good. “I must say, you make a mighty fine butterfly.”

“You’re a cowboy!” Gem claps her hands together in delight. “Oh my gosh, that’s so great!” She moves aside to let him in and Jimmy follows.

Jimmy is indeed a cowboy, wearing mostly pieces that he got as props to help get in character for Pixil’s new campaign. His character is a sheriff, but without the badge he’s like any other cowboy. He’s got a cowboy hat that’s almost comically large on his head and a genuine-leather fringe vest that was the luckiest thrift-find of his life. He’s wearing jeans, a light blue button-down that probably won’t survive the night unstained, and a bandana around his neck. He’s also wearing a beat-up, ancient pair of Docs, which are the closest shoes he has to cowboy boots. He wears the vest and hat to D&D games because it’s fun to get into character, not because they’re LARP-ing, Grian.

“Thanks! It’s most of the Sheriff.” he confesses and Gem laughs.

“I guessed.” She hops and smacks the brim of his hat so it falls over his eyes.

“Gem!” Jimmy shrieks and Gem just laughs. By the time he fixes his hat, she’s gone and Grian’s standing in front of him, very close, and inspecting his costume. “Hey Grian.” Jimmy says and absolutely doesn’t jump. He lets Grian scrutinize him—parties are always more fun when Grian feels in charge.

“Hi Tim.” Grian replies. He’s inspecting Jimmy’s vest, right where the Sheriff’s badge usually sits. He sniffs and steps back. “Acceptable.” he announces—high praise for him to give Jimmy. “Not on my level of course.” He spreads his arms to let Jimmy take in his full costume, revealing red and blue wings attached to his wrists. He’s stuck fake feathers to his cheeks and his eyeshadow is green and yellow and dramatic.

“You look so cool!” Jimmy enthuses and Grian preens under the praise, lifting his chin and looking every inch the proud, pesky parrot he’s trying to be. “Who did your makeup, Scar?”

“Fuck you!” Grian squawks, insulted, and Jimmy knows that’s a yes. He starts laughing and Grian smacks the brim of his hat over his eyes, again. Jimmy sighs. He pulls his hat back up and Grian dances away. He’s barely been here five minutes and that’s happened twice already. It’s shaping up to be the running gag for the night. He decides to find a drink.

Scott is in the kitchen, in an icy blue dress, mixing drinks in a giant glass dispenser. Mumbo’s there too, looking a little terrified as Scott casually pours an entire bottle of pineapple-flavored rum into the dispenser. He’s dressed fairly normally, in jeans and a turtleneck, but he’s got fake blood smeared around his mouth. For a moment, Jimmy considers a graceful retreat—not that he’s avoiding Scott, that would be silly, it’s been almost 7 months since they broke up!—but before he can decide, Mumbo sees him and says, “Hi Tim.” Scott glances up and smiles a little at the awkward way Jimmy’s standing in the doorway and stammering out a reply.

“Hey Mumbo.” Jimmy manages. “Nice blood.” He pauses and then mentally kicks himself for it. “Hey Scott.”

“Hey Jimmy.” Scott replies, effortlessly casual, as always. He cracks open a bottle of Sprite and starts pouring. “Or should I say: Howdy Sheriff.” Clearly, he recognizes the props from D&D nights and, unlike Gem, he doesn’t mind putting Jimmy on the spot for it.

“I’m a cowboy.” Jimmy sniffs. “No badge, see.” He taps his chest before grabbing a cup from the top of the upside-down stack. “Could I get a drink Elsa?” he asks, holding the cup out to Scott.

“I’m an ice queen.” Scott insists. He grabs his own cup and another bottle of rum. “Don’t let Grian hear you say that.” He turns to Mumbo. “C’mon, do a shot with us.”

“I dunno, Grian told me to take it easy.” Mumbo replies, hesitant, but still holds his own cup out.

Scott rolls his eyes and pours them each a healthy shot. “We all know Grian only said that because he and Scar are planning on getting shitfaced and need a babysitter. Cheers.” They knock their cups together and down their shots. Jimmy coughs, immediately, and the other two laugh.

“I’m gonna go find Grian.” Mumbo says and, as he passes Jimmy, taps the brim of his hat down and over his eyes. Scott bursts into laughter.

“Mumbo,” Jimmy complains. This really is going to be the party’s running gag if even Mumbo is joining in.

“Sorry mate.” Mumbo laughs as he leaves, not sounding very apologetic. “Couldn’t resist.” Jimmy just sighs and fixes his hat. When he gets it on properly again, Scott’s taken his cup again and is pouring him another shot.

“Are you trying to get me to fall asleep in the middle of a party again?” Jimmy asks, complaining again, but he downs the shot. He’s not about to let the risk of yet again waking up with a stack of solo cups balanced on his head stop him from having a good time. Scott laughs and the warm feeling in Jimmy’s empty stomach is just the alcohol burning pleasantly on its way down. Nothing else.

He needs to find an out before he spends yet another night pathetically shadowing his ex, hanging off the way his mouth forms Jimmy’s name, the familiar way Jimmy’s chest twists when he joins the others in their ribbing.

“Hand me a ladle?” Scott asks and Jimmy finds one in Grian’s perpetually malfunctioning dishwasher.

The worst part is that, as he hands Scott the ladle, he can see the same question in his mind across Scott’s face: are we doing this again tonight?

Scott, clearly annoyed at having a moment of understanding with his ex, uses the wrong end of the ladle to smack the brim of Jimmy’s hat down. “Scott,” Jimmy exclaims, but is immediately cut off.

Cleo bursts into the kitchen, wearing a lion onesie Jimmy knows is Scott’s, her hair teased into a bright orange mane, and yelling at Scott to “hurry up with the drinks before Grian has a conniption or I break his legs because honestly theses are both very likely outcomes.” She stalks across the room, pours herself a shot and downs it before looking over at Jimmy.

Jimmy lifts a hand to say hello but Cleo interrupts him again, pointing at him with her empty cup and laughing, “Oh, this is too good.”

“What?” Jimmy wines. He just got here! He’s barely started drinking, what is possibly so funny?

“Have you seen Tango yet?” Cleo turns to Scott, ignoring Jimmy completely.

“Yeah,” Scott laughs, clearly in the know. “I was gonna let him find out on his own.”

“Find what out?” Jimmy tries to physically insert himself between Cleo and Scott only for Cleo to have a hand out and hit his hat over his eyes, without even looking.

“Sorry!” Cleo calls, laughing, not very sorry. She turns back to Scott and says, “I can’t wait that long. I have to see his reaction.” That’s all the warning Jimmy gets before Cleo’s grabbed his hand and drags him out the kitchen, into the living room and the party. Jimmy stumbles past Grian, who’s definitely close to having a conniption, and Scar—in a Mike Wazowski onesie? —right outside the kitchen and through the people casually dancing in the living room. As far as Grian Parties go, it’s remarkably laidback, though Jimmy knows that as soon as Scott’s punch makes its way out, that will change.

Cleo stops by the TV, where a couple of guys are huddled around the mess of cables, arguing about something. She pushes Jimmy in front of her, like an offering to the tech nerds, and calls out, “Tango!” One of the tech nerds glances up and Jimmy feels the air leave his lungs.

Jimmy’s met Tango before, in passing as one of Grian’s many HCU friends that Jimmy can barely keep straight. He’d been at Grian’s murder mystery parties, though they’d barely interacted, and probably at some of Scott’s much larger parties. But for all the times Jimmy’s met Tango before, he somehow isn’t prepared for Tango right now, hands full of wires, in a red button-down that’s open at the top, throat covered by a bandana, blond hair swept back by a wiry headband.

“Well, one of us has to change.” Tango says, grinning.

“Huh?” Jimmy replies, intelligently, and then spots Tango’s very cool pair of cowboy boots. “No!” he cries, gesturing dramatically. Tango frowns down at his own shoes and the group around them laughs. “Your boots are so much cooler than mine!” Thankfully, Tango laughs too.

“Well, that’s all I wanted.” Cleo announces cheerfully, clapping Jimmy on the back a bit too hard. “See you later boys!” She heads back to the kitchen, leaving Jimmy who’s only a little devastated by the situation, Tango, and Tango’s friends who all look very amused.

“I thought we all got different letters.” Jimmy frowns. He hopes he isn’t pushing the topic, like he does all too often.

“Yeah, I got ‘R’.” Tango explains as he goes back to the mess of wires behind the TV. “I’m a rancher.” He doesn’t seem annoyed at Jimmy yet, which is always a plus.

“Oh.” Jimmy feels a bit ridiculous just standing there as Tango and his friends work on Grian’s TV, but he was actually a little upset to see someone wearing a similar but cooler costume, especially because it seemed like something Grian would orchestrate to mess with him. “I’m a cowboy.” He adds, probably a little too late.

“Yeah?” Tango turns back to him, hands now empty. “Your hat looks so cool dude.” He reaches out and nudges the brim up into the right spot, while maintaining eye contact. Jimmy feels his face burn.

“I like your boots.” He blurts and Tango’s smile softens.

“You guys got this?” he asks his friends over his shoulder, not breaking eye contact.

“Yeah, go have fun.” One replies without looking. Jimmy recognizes Impulse, one of Grian’s old roommates, in a long, fake beard. He pushes Tango out of the way and Tango goes easily, laughing.

“You wanna get a drink?” he asks, gesturing back to the kitchen.

“Sure.” Jimmy squeaks.

The worst part about Scott’s punch is that, even knowing exactly how much alcohol is in it, Jimmy can still drink it like it’s juice. Tango pours both a cup and they find an unoccupied section of wall to stand against. Jimmy feels so nervous and awkward, he drains half the cup before the burn in his chest and stomach registers and he slows down.

“Fuck,” he groans. “Scott knows how to mix a drink.”

Tango laughs. “Yeah, that first murder mystery party threw, I got pretty sloshed on accident.”

“Ugh, don’t talk to me about the murder mystery parties.” Jimmy throws his head back dramatically and the wall nearly knocks his hat off.

“Oh yeah,” Tango reaches behind his head and fixes Jimmy’s hat for him. “You were the victim, right?”

Jimmy tries to ignore the warmth of Tango’s hand lingering on the back of his neck. “Yeah, even though the roles were “completely random”. Can’t wait for Grian’s next murder mystery party so I can spend half the night playing a corpse and talking to no one!” he exclaims sarcastically. He doesn’t actually think Grian rigged the roles but, knowing his luck, it’ll definitely happen again. Tango frowns, looking like he wants to ask a question, but before he can, Scott slides out of the crowd to stand in front of Jimmy.

“There’s food that I know you need to eat, lightweight.” he tells Jimmy teasingly, jerking his head towards the table of snacks Jimmy missed earlier. Jimmy groans, though he knows Scott is right. He didn’t get a chance to eat before coming over and, if he doesn’t want to pass out at Grian’s again, he needs to get food in his stomach.

Scott glances over at Tango and raises and eyebrow, as if seeing him for the first time. “Oh, this is cute.” He gestures between the two of them. “Put together you both have the full outfit.”

“Hey, leave my rancher partner alone.” Jimmy throws his arm around Tango’s shoulder and puffs out his chest.

“Yeah, leave my cowboy friend alone!” Tango mimics him, though their height difference means he’s on his tiptoes which kind of undermines the point they’re making.

Scott presses his lips the way he does when he really wants to laugh, which Jimmy counts as a win. “This is all very… homoerotic, but I’m leaving now.” He says and slides back into the crowd, calling out for Cleo as he goes.

Tango immediately dissolves into giggles, leaning on Jimmy for support. His hand slips off Jimmy’s shoulder to rest on Jimmy’s hips and Jimmy flushes even as he laughs along.

“We’ve gotta stick together now,” Tango says after he calms down a bit. “Pretend like this was on purpose.”

“Of course this was on purpose.” Jimmy gasps in mock insult and Tango starts giggling again. Jimmy, pleased, decides to try the southern accent again. “Let’s go round up some food, partner.”

“That was awful.” Tango cries, delighted, and pulls Jimmy by the waist towards the food.

It’s quickly clear that in the time Jimmy and Tango had been talking, the food had been thoroughly picked over. There’re still some things left, like cupcakes Jimmy recognizes as Lizzie’s and mozzarella sticks that he grabs a handful of.

“Gross Tim,” Grian’s voice calls from behind Jimmy. “Have some class.” He appears suddenly by Jimmy’s elbow and Jimmy jumps.

“Hey Grian.” Tango waves from where he’s refilling their cups with the last of the punch.

“Hey Tango,” Grian says absently, more focused on stacking empty dishes, then double-takes as he processes their costumes. “Aww, that’s so cute, you’re matching with Timmy. I’m so sorry.” He nudges Jimmy away from the table. “Make room for the grown-ups Tim. We’re gonna start playing beer pong here.” Jimmy groans and grabs another handful of mozzarella sticks. Beer pong is an awful, horrible game and he doesn’t understand why Grian likes it so much. Jimmy doesn’t have the coordination or the taste for beer to have any fun.

“Maybe we can team up?” Tango suggests, which is really very sweet of him.

“No.” Jimmy and Grian insist in unison. No boy is cute enough to play beer pong for and no matter how sweet Tango is right now, Jimmy doubts he actually has the patience for Jimmy’s utter lack of coordination especially when it’ll be made worse by him already being pleasantly tipsy.

Grian, who looks like he passed tipsy a while ago, shakes his head and shoos them away. “Go be gay on the balcony or something, Timmy is not playing beer pong.” Tango frowns but follows Jimmy as he heads for the balcony door, laughing.

“Okay, we’re leaving, you control freak.” Jimmy calls at Grian teasingly.

“Fuck you!” Grian yells and smacks Jimmy’s hat down over his eyes again. Jimmy just laughs and stumbles along, his hands too full to fix his hat, until he feels Tango gently grab his wrist and lead him out. The cool night air washes over him and he breaths a sigh of relief, thankful to be away from the heat and noise of the crowded living room. Annoyingly, Grian was write to send him towards the balcony. He needed to step out for a minute.

He finally gets his hat to sit right and glances over at Tango, who’s looking at him with a serious, unreadable expression. Jimmy doesn’t try to understand, just offers up one of his hands. “Mozzarella stick?”

“Sure,” Tango says softly and takes one.

Calling Grain’s balcony, a balcony is generous. He has a ground floor apartment and the bushes in front were cut down before he even moved in, so it’s really a tiny patio with warm Christmas lights up year-round and a single camping chair.

Tango gets the lights on and they eat the mozzarella sticks and talk, the music and noise from the party distant. Tango’s a senior in electrical engineering at HCU and he tells Jimmy about meeting Grian in an entry—level physics lab and the horrible circuits Grian tried to turn in. Jimmy tells him about the ridiculous pranks Grian roped him into when they were in high school and the D&D game his costume is really for. He’s embarrassed and apologetic when he realizes he accidentally talked about his ridiculous paladin Dungeons and Dragons character for nearly five minutes straight, but Tango waves him off and tells him about the boardgame he’s spent the last five months developing for his friends.

Jimmy finds himself hanging on to Tango’s every word as he talks about game balance and designing items and building circuitry to make the game flashier for no reason other than that it would be cool. Jimmy agrees: it is very cool. He barely understands any of the math the balancing took but Tango clearly does and he’s so passionate and smart and cute Jimmy is going to scream if he doesn’t do anything about it before the end of the night. And he keeps acting like he isn’t, waving off the work he’s done for this game as if it’s normal.

Jimmy is on the right side of tipsy, warm and confident and happy, and emboldened enough to take one of Tango’s hands in his own and interrupt his attempt to downplay his work. “This sounds so cool Tango. You’re so cool.” The earnestness of his own voice surprises him and, by the way Tango freezes and flushes, surprises Tango as well.

“Thank you.” Tango says. “You’re really cool too. I’ve really enjoyed talking to you tonight.” All the bravado Jimmy had felt until then suddenly leaves him and now he’s looking at the ground, ears and cheeks heating up.

“Hey,” Tango says gently and he’s got a finger under Jimmy’s chin, lifting his face back up. They’re going to kiss; Jimmy can feel it in his bones. They’re going to kiss and Grian’s going to take all the credit for it in his best man’s speech.

The balcony door crashes open and Joel barges through, yelling Jimmy’s name. Jimmy and Tango both jump and, judging by his self-satisfied smirk, that was Joel’s plan exactly. “Jimmy!” he calls again, like they didn’t see each other two days ago in their horrible economics class. He’s wearing a t-shirt with a picture of another one of Grian’s friends, Etho, printed on it. Before Jimmy can say anything, Joel turns to Tango and says, “Etho wanted to see you, by the way. Something about an H-T-M-I cord?”

“HDMI,” Tango corrects flatly. He squeezes Jimmy’s hand quickly. “I’ll be right back,” he says and slips back inside.

As soon as Tango leaves, Joel turns to Jimmy with a shit-eating grin. “Shut it.” Jimmy groans and buries his face in his hands.

“I didn’t say a thing.” Joel says, laughing. “Gosh Jimmy, you’re holding hands already? You dog—” Jimmy shoves Joel, trying not to laugh. “Rude!” Joel exclaims and shoves Jimmy back. “I’m here to compliment you on a job well done and this is how you treat me?”

“You interrupted us!” Jimmy complains

“Etho needed help.” Joel insists and shoves Jimmy again, for good measure.

“Oh, and you do everything Etho tells you to?”

“Duh,” Joel rolls his eyes and spins to show off the back of his shirt. “I’m his biggest fan.”

The back of his shirt says, in writing Joel clearly did in a hurry with a marker: #1 ETHO FAN. Jimmy has to laugh.

“I can’t believe Grian let you get away with “Etho stan” as a costume.” Jimmy says, though he actually isn’t surprised. Grian probably thought it was funny, and that was enough.

“At least it’s not a D&D cosplay.” Joel pokes Jimmy in the chest where his sheriff’s badge usually is. “Nerd.”

“You play too!” Jimmy retorts and has to dodge out of the way when Joel tries to grab his hat. They scuffle for a minute. Jimmy’s taller but Joel’s faster and in the end Jimmy’s so out of breath he’s laughing without making noise. Of course, that’s when Tango returns and watches with an eyebrow raised. Joel takes advantage of Jimmy’s distraction to snatch his hat.

“Joel,” Jimmy whines. Joel just laughs and dances out of Jimmy’s reach.

“Catch!” Joel calls and throws Jimmy’s hat like a frisbee, over his head and off the balcony. Jimmy groans as it flies over his head and he misses it completely. Joel knows he has no hand-eye coordination—he’s hit Jimmy in the face enough times in the past. At least his hat doesn’t land in the mud. He turns back to Joel, his best kicked-dog expression already on.

“Don’t be a dick, Joel.” Tango snaps and he looks genuinely annoyed. Before Joel can defend himself, Tango has hopped the railing and is walking over to Jimmy’s hat. Jimmy just blinks stupidly at where Tango just was.

“Whatever,” Joel scoffs and opens the door to head back inside. As he leaves, he makes eye contact with Jimmy and mouths “hot”. Jimmy flushes and pushes him back inside. The door closes on the noise of the party and Joel’s laughter, once again leaving them in the cool night air.

Jimmy turns back around to Tango, who’s still on the other side of the railing, frowning down at Jimmy’s hat. “Sorry about him.” Jimmy says, gesturing back inside. Tango blinks, like Jimmy interrupted his train of thought. Jimmy powers on. “He’s a little obnoxious.” He laughs a little and shoves his hands in his pockets, not sure what to do.

Tango shakes his head. “You don’t have to apologize for him.” He pauses and then says, carefully, “You don’t have to apologize for someone who was mean to you.”

“Huh?” Jimmy says, completely lost. Yeah, throwing his hat was a bit much but it wasn’t really out of character for Joel.

Tango spins his hat in his hands and continues, “I mean him and Scott earlier, a little, and Grian—and I know Grian, he can be a bit of a dick, but he’s never really mean—and you’ve been so sweet all night and funny and—”

Jimmy is so completely lost he has to cut Tango off. “Tango, what? That’s just Grian—that’s just how they all are.” Tango looks genuinely distraught hearing this.

“But normally—Grian isn’t like this in class or—” Tango stumbles over his words, clearly trying to get something across. “I don’t get why they’re suddenly such dicks and only to you! You’re nice!”

Jimmy finally gets it and he’s so enamored with this man he might scream. For a moment, all he can do is laugh a little helplessly, which only confuses Tango more. Eventually he chokes out, “If Grian or Joel were ever polite to me, I’d think they were possessed.” Tango just gapes at him. He looks so pretty in the warm light of Grian’s apartment, the anger on Jimmy’s behalf keeping his back straight and shoulders firm. Jimmy can’t keep thinking about how pretty Tango is or he’ll never finish explaining. “I’ve known them both forever. I don’t mind them making fun of me—I’ve told them what’s okay to joke about.”

Understanding blooms across Tango’s face, followed quickly by embarrassment. He shoves Jimmy’s hat back on his head and buries his face in his hands. “I’m going to go now.” he says into his hands. “This is so embarrassing—I’m so sorry.”

Jimmy is too used to embarrassing to let this ruin his night. He leans over the railing and pushes one of Tango’s hands away from his face. “No, it’s okay,” he insists. Joel—who clearly understood this all way before Jimmy did—was right. This was kind of hot.

“It’s really not, I got all macho and butted into your friendships because I think you’re cute and wanted to tell you that all night—”

“Tango,” Jimmy reaches to tug Tango in by the shoulder, but ends up grabbing his bandana instead. He tugs and Tango comes easily, falling quiet. “Can I kiss you?” he asks, voice dropping unintentionally. Tango nods. He closes the distance and finally—finally—kisses Jimmy. His lips are soft and one of his hands reaches up to carefully hold the side of Jimmy’s face.

They kiss for a long moment. Jimmy’s head is buzzing—from the alcohol and the giddiness and the press of the railing into his stomach causing him to lose his breath. Eventually, the break apart and Jimmy whines a little and clings to Tango. Tango smiles up at him, eyes scanning across Jimmy’s face, drinking him in. He pushes the brim of Jimmy’s hat up and his smile sharpens as Jimmy flushes.

“Grian’s about to be so smug.” Jimmy says when he feels a little less floaty. He is and it’s going to be awful and deserved. Tango laughs.

“It’s worth it if I get to kiss your cute face.” he says and Jimmy whines and kisses him to shut him up. Tango laughs into the kiss. The cool night air brushes across Jimmy, the lights are warm on his closed eyelids, and, faintly, he can hear Joel and Grian cheer.

#solidaritek #team rancher #jimmy solidarity #solidaritygaming #tangotek #double life smp #double life #trafficshipping #life series #tango tek #ranch duo #cw alcohol #tumblr why did you get rid of page breaks why do i have to use the html editor if i want page breaks #my fic #lddf-verse

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advernia · 4 years

Note

What do you think would happen if Alice had fallen into Cradle with her child? I’m particularly curious about Sirius and Luka OwO

in general i’d say the presence of the mother-child combination in cradle would (rather, should) raise the tension higher because two people from the land of reason = two people who can repel magic, yeehaw. i think that gives the magic tower more incentive to be aggressive point blank bc 1) two magic repellers = greater chances of world domination plans being thwarted, 2) on the other hand they will make excellent test subjects, 3) them being blood-related + different ages (and possibly genders) opens more avenues for varied forms of experimentation, and 4) more ways to enter the land of reason, hella rad.

there’s probably more but morbid thoughts aside... here’s some general scenarios!

sirius:

he grew up having lotsa siblings + if you count the black army as the whole he’s raised a lot of brats lmao, so alice having a kid doesn’t faze him the slightest!

in the prologue where ray ends up catching alice, sirius ends up catching her kid instead. thinks the kid’s five years old or something. sirius is about to ask the child some basic questions, but the kid suddenly points to a running blanc so whoops. before the strange pair go rushing after blanc, kid says a thank you, mister! and that earns immediate brownie points because the! kid! called! me! mister! and sirius proceeds to make that veeeery clear to ray lol. maybe to fenrir and seth too, later.

so after all the prologue drama, alice & the kid formally introduce themselves as mother & child to the black army. there’s a few murmurs of reallys and awwws because tbh alice looked rather young to be a mother but oh well. it doesn’t change sirius’ welcoming and accommodating approach, though he keeps more tabs on the child because honestly...

a young child in the barracks... where there’s a stocked armory + shiny magic crystals... ridiculous brats - ehem, grown men prone to showing off + creating trouble... yeah. though it’s really not a hassle on sirius’ part to somewhat act like a babysitter, he gets to suffer being teased about nonsense like paternal instincts coming to life in full force lol!

though seriously speaking, he’s very careful not to ask / bring up the biggest subject of them all: alice’s husband (if there’s even one to speak of, ooh). on the kiddo’s side of course, it’s already hard enough that someone so young suddenly ends up in a strange place + gets their mother and themselves threatened by a whole goddamn army (sirius, to lancelot: i stg what are u doing???) + has to live out a whole month in a new environment all of a sudden, so he believes the least that he & the black army can do is keep the child comfortable enough so that the feeling of fear would be lessened, get a sense of comfort going on. sirius definitely can’t blame the kiddo if they start crying out for their father/home though - though he knows it’s not his fault + can’t do anything much, he’ll feel bad about the fact that he can’t do much for the child’s homesickness.

he’s not going to broach the topic on alice either - if alice wanted to talk, then he’d do his best to listen. if she didn’t then he wouldn’t dare ask, it’s a very personal topic after all. who was he to pry into her personal matters when she + her child would be leaving in a month???

so picture this: he did say he’ll help watching over the kid, but there’s not much to do bc her child is good enough. what a little angel, polite and curious and quiet. maybe a little too quiet, withdrawn??? hmmm. either way, the child didn’t seem too (pro)active. or was playful the term sirius was looking for?

like sure, there’s the loud laughs for stupid antics, answers when talked to, smiles and walks around the barracks on their own but... more often than not, the child keeps close to alice or is just around her general line of sight. separation anxiety, maybe??? that’s natural, so okay. or maybe it’s alice who’s always hovering around her child??? either way, there’s nothing odd about that, but upon longer observation...

the kid is just... really responsible / really loves their mom??? alice watering the plants??? quickly looks for another watering can / gets a bucket of water to refill the can with. general cleaning or laundry??? puts a hold on whatever they were doing, rolls up sleeves, gets ready to do some work. prep work for dinner??? peeling’s a bit wonky, but they’re doing their best while trying not to cut themselves...

this strikes off as a bit funny to sirius, because wow, they really are related. where alice is quick to offer her help on all sorts of tasks in the barracks, her child is just a step behind her, little hands willing to do some work. on some tasks, alice does tell her kid that she’ll be alright doing it on her own, but her kid insists doing it alongside her anyway. and that there, that’s a very alice thing to do, too. sirius - heck, maybe the black army would know that by now as well, lol, considering how alice flutters around the barracks looking for something to do if she’s not having some alone time + private time with her child.

though, as much as the help was appreciated... it doesn’t sit well with sirius that the mother & child are spending most of their hours working rather than enjoying themselves in cradle. he thinks it’s a shame, especially for the kid. back when sirius was younger, he would...... then he’d go to....... and then sometimes he’d.............

.... right. if the guests wouldn’t relax themselves, then sirius would take it upon himself to show them a good time. it doesn’t have to be through big events, it doesn’t have to be everyday, it doesn’t need to be through fancy or expensive gifts either...... if only just to see both of them smile more often, then it’s definitely worth the time thinking about.

more bonus points if he’d get to see alice’s kid start acting like... well, a child! while there’s nothing wrong with being responsible or wanting to help, a kid should definitely experience all sorts of things, explore what they can, and most of all, enjoy themselves.

that’s what it means to be young, and alice should do the same as well... being in cradle is their adventure, after all! they’re not completely unrelated to the war but..... if anything else, sirius wants to fulfill the black army’s promise of precting them until the full moon comes around, and when that day comes.... he hopes the two have made a ton of good memories of their stay in cradle.

......... funny that this guy’s thinking about how make the two relax when he can’t even stop and do that for himself lmaooooo

luka:

lol he starts off the same as he’s always been in most routes: shying away + nothing much to say to the parent/child combo now suddenly under their wing.

though, he does keep watch of their eating habits on the first days of their stay: alice eats anything + everything so that’s a relief, she’s adjusting. now if only he can say the same for her child....

imagine alice’s kid still being uncomfortable & cranky a few days in cradle + black army company, refuses to eat much even though his mom’s urging him to. breaks into a tantrum one day, saying that i wanna eat mama’s cooking instead! or something similar for everyone in the dining room to hear before storming out. ooh. there’s a brief silence - most stares land on luka, who isn’t really offended.

..... well, okay, so maybe it did sting a little bit. alice apologizes to luka before going away to calm her kid down. fenrir + ray tell him not to worry about it, seth + sirius muse about the kid feeling all homesick / sensitive. cue other soldiers saying something about puberty (whut lol). or y’know, kids being kids.

luka tries thinking about the kid’s situation for a bit. away from home, living in a whole new environment, surrounded by a whole lot of other people with attitudes and faces way different from those around at home... huh. that kinda sounds like himself in a way, except that the away from home bit on luka’s part was a voluntary choice.

having realized that, luka has a better guess of what the kid might be feeling. overwhelmed, definitely. from a very hostile welcome with handcuffs + the red army carrying the threat of death, suddenly being surrounded by the kindness of the black army is a total 360. must feel unreal, suspicious, even. the sight of real weapons around, the existence of magic and all that, unknowingly having a power so strong the whole country fears it. sounds like too much too process for a child.

..... alright, but looking at alice’s kid being unfriendly + clingy to alice 24/7 + being such a crybaby also reminds luka of... uh, himself, when he was younger. not to his own mother, but to... well, jonah, ugh. it’s not an easy pill to swallow (it takes grudging acceptance), but at least luka gets to know why he always felt some pang of irritation looking at the child.

so the next time the kid starts crying over something/causes trouble for alice, luka surprises everyone in the room by taking the initiative to scold the kid for acting so selfish. tough call, by the way - the child is wow, stubborn as hell + likes to keep the waterworks going while screaming; luka’s got a pretty good idea of what he wants to say but is having trouble getting it across properly and in a less menancing manner, so in short its a mess. witnesses ray blackwell + fenrir godspeed find the whole scene sorta funny though, much support lol.

alice wants to cut in, but sirius + seth tell her to leave it to luka, who seems to be winning since her kid’s running out of energy from crying & shouting at the same time. luka seems to be calming down too, because his tone + volume + facial expression is getting less stern. this seemed like a good time to mosey out of the scene so sirius ushers the audience to go away lmao, even the worried mother (who, decides to eavesdrop instead. no one has the heart to pull her away... so they hover around the doorway with her too.)

not arguing with luka anymore, the upset kid starts to babble of nightmares about the scary men in red with their sharp swords, not wanting to sleep because maybe when they close their eyes mama might suddenly be gone and they’re all alone, the scary feeling of losing mama to strangers, and the list goes on and on. its a collection of fears + worries of a child, and luka’s patient enough to listen. in fact, he smiles wryly when there’s mentions of monsters under the bed: it’s embarrasing, but luka used to cry over that too.

... seeing the kid bawl their eyes out like this, luka really is reminded of his younger self. the clinginess, sudden outbursts, the fear of maybe one day, they’ll be left behind and will be all alone. luka might be speculating the kid’s feelings, but more than anyone else, luka would be the closest one who could relate to what the kid was going through because.......... he acted that way towards jonah, back when they were younger.

he wonders if they’ve mentioned any of this to alice, even if just the smallest of their fears. he wonders how long they’ve been bothered over those fears, if they’ve been sleeping well at night. with all those questions in his mind, luka’s not so sure what to say; how to comfort the child.

he still tries though, even if his words come out a bit clumsy, even if the kid’s still sniffling all the way through the process. it’s a quiet moment, one that lasts till the child has cried themselves to sleep. they just stay that way for awhile, the kid resting their head on luka’s arm, until luka decides to carry the child back to their room........ alice must be worried.

..... she is, actually. when she and luka talk, she keeps quiet of her eavesdropping. luka doesn’t tell her everything either, because he believed that some of the things they talked about are better said by the kid themselves rather than him relaying the message to alice.

there’s nothing much to say after that, so luka goes on his way. alice says a very sincere thank you before he goes. she... has a lot of other things to say other than just that, but.... maybe another time. maybe when she’s plucked up the courage.

anyway, after all that alice’s kid seems to have gotten off their... spoiled phase, lol. still a little clingy to alice, but is getting less prickly + talking to others now. most notable development though, is if the child isn’t around their mother......... they could be seen hanging around luka.

.......... cue comments on how heartwarming it is to see a young child tottering around luka like a little duckling. luka does not appreciate the teasing. especially when it comes from seth + fenrir because why are their grins so big??????? but he doesn’t say anything against the kid following him around lol.

#askdfghjl #ikemen kakumei #ikemen revolution #sirius oswald #luka clemence #... honestly if alice had her child with her the first thing i thought was....#family apPROVAL FIRST IKEMANS no route progression for u if there's none lol #lmaooo earn them kid brownie points before getting to the final boss bruhs

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charles-rxwlands · 3 years

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HI YOU'RE AMAZING CONGRATS BE'SHMAI OKAY OKAY CAN I PLEASE GET:

🥇 - i'm curious??? you were still davidkostyyk and like i didn't interact w u that much (i was a stupid child)??? and like back then i had maybe 30 followers and pretty much only knew june???

✉ - okay okay okay hear me out,,,,, you're my comfort character

DAE MY LOVE. MY LIGHT. MY ANGEL. MY DARLING. MY B'ESHMAI.

this took like a week im so sorry lmaooo

🥇 - PLS i literally saw you as such a big and popular blog and i genuinely thought you were, like, 18 or something 😭😭 like i was intimidated by you (in a good way i promise ily) and was ready to worship the ground u walked on 🙇🏻‍♀️. and ohmygod you called my rambling cute during our first conversation do u have any idea how hard i melted.

✉ - catch me sounding like a british gentlemen from the 1800s in this letter 😭🤚🏼

read it under the cut !!

celebration 🎉

My darling b'eshmai,

My love for you knows no bounds. Every time you penetrate my thoughts, I am reduced to nothing more than a flailing pile of adoration, and the only sounds I am able to make are impressions of a dying squirrel. I can assure you they are very accurate impressions, however.

For your upcoming birthday, I have decided to write more poetry with ~fruity~ undertones, as well as a list of reasons I love you. I shall consult your spotify in search of songs to base the poem off of.

Ok so talking formally got tiring after a while (and by a while I meant like two paragraphs) so yeehaw. I'm currently reading The Hanged Man (the second book in The Tarot Sequence) by K.D Edwards and HOLY SHIT. Please please read it, it's so good and absolutely hilarious. I love it nearly as much as I love you.

By the way, I feel like I need to mention how I have written multiple dramatic letters to my teachers. And actually sent them. I want to merge into the ground every time I think of them, because I'm pretty sure one of the teachers got very annoyed, but I've regretted most of the decisions I've made in this lifetime, so it's nothing new.

But I certainly don't regret befriending you, my love.

Literally marry me (if you want to ofc ily). In the future. Platonically or otherwise I don't care I just want an excuse to propose to you in real life with a paper ring (*cough* taylor swift *cough*).

I must end this letter here, but please get back to me on the offer to get married :D

With love,

your b'eshmai

#dae 🖤🖤🖤#vignette's asks #vig's 100 follower celebration #my b'eshmai 🖤

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darlinrogue · 4 years

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His chest aches, his cheekbone throbs with the imminent development of a bruise. (How? He doesn't remember, as faint as he is. Adam had fought, and he fought hard.) But Kenny is the one victorious. Victorious, but all he's able to do is kneel, half collapsed, his hands against the canvas for support. He doesn't know why. He doesn't know why, but he kisses him, lips to the forehead of the man he—. He kisses him. He walks away. He touches the bruise on his cheekbone, and he smiles. It still hurts.

Kenny Fucking Omega

w/ the sad yeehaw man

He didn’t hook the leg.

Adam rolled through the snapdragon and countered with a firm elbow to Kenny’s jaw. He put Kenny on his feet and then lifted the other man by the thighs, over his shoulders. Deadeye, right to the back of the head, a knock-out for a lesser man. Except Kenny Omega was Kenny Fucking Omega, and he kicked-out. The match rolled on, Adam lost, he’d seen the ending twenty-thousand times. The One-Wing Angel was a punctuation point at the end of a statement. Yet, each time he watched through the recording he paused on that one pin after the Deadeye. Adam had Kenny stacked, his full weight on his shoulders. The bell should’ve rung. Except Adam only hooked the left leg. He only hooked the left leg on Kenny Omega. He only hooked the left leg on Kenny Fucking Omega. The best pin he got the whole match. Right after Omega ate: a half-dozen elbows, too many chops to count, a starching power bomb on the ramp, three boots to the face, and got dropped on his head from four feet in the air. The planets aligned, the Scorpio was in Aquarius or whatever, and Adam only hooked one leg.

“It was the-- it was the right leg!”

Tony’s voice shuttered through the phone in Adam’s lap. The screen paused on the collapsed forms of the combatants in the ring. Adam face down in the fore-ground and Kenny clutching his leg not far behind. In that moment he hadn’t thought about the right leg. Kenny had kicked out by some miracle but it wasn’t sheer luck. Kenny exploited Adam’s error. Of course, unbeknownst to Adam the comms were carefully picking-apart Adam’s critical mistake. The legs weren’t neutralized. Kenny could swing his right leg and leverage his weight-out. If Adam had hooked both legs the match would be over, he’d be facing Mox. Instead, he made a stupid mistake so obvious even Tony Schiavone, who would break his hand before he could throw a good punch, pointed it out.

A headache formed behind Adam’s eyes. He tore his gaze from the screen and glanced-out the window. The dark night streaked black, reflecting back his hotel room and his bedraggled body propped-up in bed. A limp hand fluttered out to find his bourbon on the night stand. He lifted the glass to his lips and found no relief for his parched throat. Adam scowled and returned the glass to where he found it. The bottle was empty too. He couldn’t tell if he was buzzed, drunk, or hungover. Just a dullness, settling in with the ache and exhaustion. Adam used the tip of his finger to edge the glass away from him. A final statement that he was done for the night. He slid down from his upright position against the pillows and sprawled out the bed covers The fan swirled in lazy circles above him. After months of blistering heat Florida had cooled to a tolerable temperature but this room was cooking him alive. His hair was still damp from the shower. He glanced at the clock, 1:43. No phone calls, no texts, no twitter updates, he put his phone on airplane mode hours ago. It was just him, the recording of his life’s greatest failure, and an empty bottle of bourbon.

Adam lifted his phone from his side. He turned onto his cheek to glance at it again. He hit the play button and the recording rolled. The two men recovered, Adam was up first. He set-up for the buckshot but Kenny anticipated it and rolled him into a crucifix. He was so fucking predictable. Adam used a boot between the ropes to stuff Kenny’s charge three times that night. No wonder he had his leg well scouted. That twisting move on his knee obliterated his chance in the match. Can’t stand, can’t fight. Oh, Adam had a couple more signs of life in him but two knees to the face, well. He was up on Kenny’s shoulders now. Kenny caught the head and Humpty Dumpty took a great fall. The leg hook was a formality. Adam wasn’t even sure he was conscious for this part. One, two, three, and Adam paused the video again. He haphazardly tossed the phone and it clattered off the edge of the bed. Adam had a life proof case for a reason.

There was no point in watching any further.

For a head-spinning minute, Hangman Adam Page was somebody. He was the tag team champion, alongside Kenny Fucking Omega. He was on top of the world. It was all so good. Training with Kenny, fighting with Kenny, sometimes, fighting with Kenny. Getting distracted by another tag-team-- No, Kenny literally dropping Adam like a sack of potatoes was inevitable. He had held Kenny back, made stupid fucking mistakes, hit his partner on accident, got drunk and wandered around arenas like a moron. Bickering with the bucks and ruining his friendships. Adam was an arsonist, he only burned down bridges and never built them. Now he was alone on his Island, just like he always wanted. And he had a lost tournament to prove how ‘accomplished’ Adam Page truly is. Matt and Nick were right about him. For all his bluster, all his big talk, believing in himself when no one else would. Empty words, Adam could talk the talk, but he couldn’t walk the walk. Because he ran-up against someone like Kenny Fucking Omega.

And he forgot to hook the left leg.

He didn’t need the video for the next part. Kenny’s head and hand lifted high. Kenny, haloed like an angel of death by the Dally Place lights. Kenny, knelt above him like a prayer at the altar. Cheeks blushed in rose, breath spilling from his chapped, pink lips. Curls like spun gold, framing his sculptured features. Like something out of a renaissance art painting. Out of a great tragedy, Lucifer, Achilles, Gabriel. His lips against his forehead in a kiss as delicate as a flower petal. Paul Turner helping Adam limp out of the arena. Fuck Hangman, and then taking the Uber back to his hotel alone, in utter silence with the guy working the graveyard shift. Alcohol, shower, alcohol, video self-pity marathon, alcohol. He wished his dog was here. Wait, what was that last bit?

Adam lunged across the bed. Kicked into action as if bitten by a Hell Hound. Belly against the comforter his hands searched the floor until he found his phone lodged by the head board. Half-his chest off the bed he hit the play button. Adam slammed against the ring mat. The fall-out, the replay, the play-by-play, the comms chattering, (”Kenny came out the better man”), blah, blah, blah. Paul Turner helped Kenny up. Then he was back down, knelt over Adam, and with great reverence, Kenny stooped to kiss Adam’s forehead. The he rolled out of the ring. Adam paused the video. Then he played it back. Then he paused the video and then he played it back. he paused the video, he played it back. Inch-by-inch Adam slid off the mattress until he was slumped against the floor, legs hooked on the bed above him. He watched that little end sequence on loop until it was emblazoned against his memory. It was so quick the comms didn’t even mention it.

A kiss. Kenny kissed him. Kenny Fucking Omega kissed him. Adam laid his hand over his sternum. His heart shuttered in his chest, pounding, tight, and agonizing. Pure pain, looking at the blurred pixels on his phone screen. It wasn’t near enough, the taste of it was like a morsel of food for a starving man. Kenny lingered over Adam in nothing but obscure pixels. What was his expression like? What did he do with his hands? And most important, something the phone could never tell him, why?

Adam and Kenny were out. Now that his obligations to the tag title were done, Kenny returned to the single arena. Tired of dragging dead weight, tired of the noose around his throat. Kenny walked out on the tag team Adam prayed to stay in. Adam screwed over the Bucks. He spitefully entered a tournament to prove he didn’t need Kenny anyway. Adam didn’t even shake his hand at the start of the match. Not just because he was angry --Adam was pissed in that unshakable focused way-- but because he was afraid. Taking Kenny’s hand, never letting go, too tempting a possibility. The longer he stared at the screen the longer this shameless act of devotion eluded him.

For the first time in hours Adam turned his phone off airplane mode. He shuffled through the deluge of notifications by dismissing all of them without reading any. He pulled-up Kenny’s contact, drafted a text message.

“Hey, man, good fight today-- well, yesterday, I guess. I just wanted to ask, out of curiosity, did you kiss me at the end? I mean, it’s no big deal. I was just wondering is all like i thought it was a little odd is all. Are you ok? You know you can always count on me, no matter what. I’m sorry i’ve been such an ass. I need to start drinking less, much less. It’s just that everything, the tournament, the belts, it’s been getting to me, I only wanted to prove to you guys I could keep up. I want you to know, I feel the same.”

Adam paused, his thumb hovering over the send button. The last line stained in black font against his vision. He then selected the entire text, cut it, and pasted it into a note’s app. Adam sighed and turned off his phone. His arm slung over his eyes. Five minutes later he was passed-out cold, still on the floor, snoring, and with the lights on.

#ofgrief #‘The Hangman’ || Adam: IC #‘Deals with God’ || Adam: Verse #if adam was in a better head space or had better coping mechanism #he would rephrase this #such that the only thing standing between him and Kenny Fucking Omega #Kenny Fucking Omega who is easily one of the best in the world and has 8+ more years of experience than him #is a single minor error #if Adam had hooked that leg #he would've won the match #he was that close #instead he's stucking in this negative downspiral thinking about how terrible and awful he is #glass half empty #instead of seeing actually #his glass is 9/10 full and he's bemoaning a quarter inch of emptiness

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brothersgrim · 4 years

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4, 9, 29 for big husband

30 UNCOMMON CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT QUESTIONS ( SEND ME A NUMBER )

4. Do they have any verbal tics? Do they have trouble pronouncing certain words or getting their thoughts across clearly?

Tics for him tend to depend on the mood. He’s got the southern drawl, of course. He’s a born and bred Texan. Says y’all sometimes, ain’t, drops the verb ‘to have’, et cetera. These contractions tend to come out when he’s feeling more relaxed or confident. The more threatened or angry he feels, the more likely it is for him to go into that more formal way of speaking he has (threatened especially; you might still get some yeehaw speak if he’s just ticked).

Both Taker and Kane are remarkably well-spoken, when they want to be. He’s correctly said and used words like ‘acrid’, ‘accursed’, ‘depravity’, ‘cowardice’, ‘descent’, ‘reconciliation’, and a lot of other five-star vocab off the cuff. Hell, sometimes the brothers nearly sound like Shakespeare rejects (dick jokes and all). When he wants to articulate his thoughts, he can. He just prefers to be unreadable, given that most people in his life are literal filth and he doesn’t want them in his head.

I guess the closest things to a real verbal tic he’d have would be his tone and pacing? It’s really obvious during the fire arc, but you can see it in a lot of his early promos, and some of his later deadman ones, too. That low, slow, deep drawl, the ‘bottom of the crypt’ voice, as they’ve sometimes called it? When he talks that slow, it typically means lights are on and nobody’s home. Shut down from trauma, as it were. That’s why it’s more prevalent when he’s young, and under the influence of the urn. This is different than when he draws words out or pauses for emphasis; he’s just dramatic. The low, monotone, robotic drawl where it sounds like he’s forcing out every word - look up his old work, you know the one - is the equivalent of your car flashing a light at you to let you know something is fundamentally wrong. (Interestingly enough, a similar method of speaking comes back at the beginning of the Ministry, when he introduces it with Paul. It fades after that as the Ministry progresses.)

There’s one more important tonal change. This is the biggest one in the fire arc. If you want, go back and listen to Taker recounting his version of the fire. When he’s talking about an experiences as a kid, about his family, he sounds… Normal. His voice is a lot softer. A bit higher. Less gravelly. He sounds like a person. There’s also a lot of emotion that we don’t usually see there. Not that Mark can’t put emotion into his spots; he’s an incredible actor. But ‘Taker isn’t exactly the most… Open, person. Most times before this, his emotional radar was either off or set to angry. No real in between. But in the fire clips, you hear him at his lowest. Grieving, scared, fighting back tears. Bared his unbeating heart for the world to see. And he sounds like Adam. That’s also why you see it more during the Badass run. That’s when he’s human, closer to who he used to be than any other time. And then when he switches from talking about his family and the trauma he went through, when he’s back to talking about the power he has as the Undertaker, the power he draws from death, it’s back to deep and gravelly and angry. Back to putting on a show. Walls back up, defenses back up. Back to hiding behind his role as the reaper of souls, the fourth horseman, the master of the yard. Adam was weak, the reaper is strong. You do the math.

9. Does your character dream or are their nights filled with an empty blackness? Describe a dream they’ve had or a night they couldn’t sleep and what they did to preoccupy their time.

Usually it’s empty. Dark and silent. He works himself so hard he just wipes out, and if that doesn’t work? When he’s younger, the drink helps. But he does dream, sometimes. On bad nights, it’s the fire. Red and orange and yellow, roaring like a hellcat. Especially when he’s younger, he sees his nine year old brother trying to reach out to him through the fire, framed by a door. He can try to run to little Kane all he wants, but he either doesn’t move or just runs in place. No matter how hard he tries, he can’t get close. Sometimes he sees the burnt corpse of his mother, staring down at him through the window. Sometimes she’s screaming with him. … Sometimes she’s just staring at him with those charred sockets, and he thinks she looks disappointed. Sometimes there’s a charred hand clamping on his shoulder, and something he thinks might be his father’s voice tells him Kane was his responsibility, and he should have known better.

Sometimes the dreams are a dark yard. A dark mansion. A dark arena. A dark church. Just somewhere dark. And he’s always moving, always working. It doesn’t matter if he wants to stop. It doesn’t matter if there are hands on him and he wants to move away. Even if the work he’s doing in the dream is horrific. Just keep working. Even amid the laughter, the insults, the accusations. Keep working. Even when his hands tear and stain red. When the red keeps flowing and pools at his feet. Floods the ground. Hands pull and rip and tear and restrain and–

Sometimes his dreams are fuzzy and indistinct. Flickers from a past long since lost. They’re clearer some days, but it’s hard to get clarity after the Ministry. The picture helps, but it can’t fix everything. Sometimes it’s bits of day to day - those dreams you get that are hard to distinguish from reality. Going to town. Working in the shop or the yard. Exercising. Fighting in the arena. That kind of thing.

Of course, he has nonsensical dreams, too. He once had a dream of walking down Center Street, middle of the day, and he’s not sure he ever saw a sky. Nobody was around, but he still felt watched. For some reason, he found a gigantic tower, this gleaming skyscraper type thing, in the middle of the road, and it somehow fit without being squished against the buildings on either side. He walked inside and the building was a huge, almost cavernous office, all sterile whites and light greys, with one single black office chair in front of a grey desk with a white top, and a single green leafy plant on the desk in a cylindrical grey-white marble pot. The chair started rolling, getting bigger and bigger, then bumped into a wall, tipped over, and shattered like glass. He stared at it for a while, then walked out of the building. He woke up after that. Still no idea what that was about.

29. Does your character get restless when things are too quiet or do they favour solitude and silence? Why?

It depends. Sometimes, especially when he’s working, he likes quiet. He might have quiet music on if he’s in the shop, but for the most part, he hates being bothered while he works. And there are times he just needs the quiet and the space to cope with his PTSD. He needs to decompress. To hide. Take a hot minute to sort out whatever’s happening in his head that set him off. He generally prefers quiet and lack of noise. But hell. He can’t deny that he loves a good party, and that the roar of the crowd gets him pumped. And causing chaos with his brother, his son, his SO(s), well, that comes second nature. And bikes are pretty noisy. So I think by and large, if he’s in a low-spoons/panicky mood, tired, or working, he wants it quiet, and most days, he can appreciate the peace. He just wants the time to rest that he never got before. But if he’s in the mood, he’s not at all opposed to running amok with the best of them.

#texasrcttlesnake #&& reburied; ooc #&& whispers from the crypt; deadman answers #&& necronimcon; deadman headcanons

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dreammutual-remade · 6 years

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best friends to lovers!lucas

request: ok ur SO FUNNY when i was reading ur hyunjin scenario i almost pissed my pants istg ur fckin hilarious !! and could you do like a best friends to lovers type trope with lucas from nct? love ur writing and please go nuts my guy <3 <3 - @nctro

word count: 3.7k

a/n: djfhgkhdj thank u sO MUCH everyone who compliments me on here makes me blush dhbfkhsbdk anywhom I actually enjoyed writing this so much mainly because I love big dumb boys and Lucas is one of those !!!! I hope u like it bby<3

warnings ?: cursing and brief mentions of underage drinking

okie doke babe

l e t s d i v e i n

let’s set the scene fellas

you’re in like the second grade right

boys are: disgusting and mean

but this is when you meet your bestie !!!!!

lucas was a new kid all the way from china and he was , the only boy you’d ever found cute

(i mean y’all have seen those baby pics oh my gOD HE WAS SO CUTE)

and when the teacher introduced him he was obviously a bubbly kid but none of the others in your class seemed to warm up to him

:((((

later when you all are at recess he keeps trying to join the boys but they won’t let him because as previously stated

THEYRE MEAN AND GROSS

he looks so so sad and lonely and you’re a Sweet Baby Girl so you go up to him and ask if he wants to play w/ u :)))

he’s so excited !!!! hooray !!!!!!!!!!

you guys play house and BAM

BEST FRIENDS FOREVER

your friendship lasts all through elementary school !!

even in fourth grade when you guys were in different classes he would come find you at recess and your moms would arrange play dates :))))

middle school was,

middle school

we don’t talk abt that

all you need to know is that it was embarrassing

and yeehaw we’ve made it thotties aLL THE WAY TO SENIOR YEAR

let’s do a brief summary of 9th-11th grade

9th grade:

lucas is taller than you but only by a little and his voice breaks every other sentence

his ears are still too big for his body :(

you are a late bloomer and still look 12 but you’re , TRYING YOUR BEST

you guys have about half of your classes together but remain really close since you eat lunch together and hang out after school too

lucas attempts to join the basketball team

he . doesn’t make it and is v upset so you have to come over and comfort your Pitiful Man Baby

he cries a little and ouchie yOUR HEART hurts

but then he’s like u never saw that THOT

and so you are forced into silence rip

10th grade:

lucas FINALLY gets his permit halfway through the year because he fuckinh forgot to do it last year and you’re TERRIFIED but it’s fine

you’re starting to look more like a female and less like a fetus congrats !!!!!

lucas has now grown to almost 6 feet tall what the FUCK BRO

he grew at least 6 inches over the summer and you don’t really notice until one day you’re like uhhh excuse me since when are you half a foot taller than me

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

and this boy LORDS his height over you

purposefully places things where you can’t reach it so he can be like

*tips fedora* m’lady , are u in need of assistance

after this you have perfected the art of pinching his arm til he screeches

also his voice has gotten sooooo so so deep

like okay darth vader CHILL OUT

with all this height though he is even clumsier than before

it’s like he forgets he’s now a giant 15 yr old

he’s always covered in scratches and bruises so you’ve taken to carrying disney princess bandaids

they’re disney princess because you thought it would embarrass him and encourage him not to get hurt but

he loves them so it didn’t work rip

he tries out for the basketball team again and genuinely makes it based on height alone

i mean the boy can barely dribble but ??? he can learn i guess

he calls you when he makes it and screams for 45 seconds straight

you don’t know wtf goin on so you’re like oh mY GOD ARE U OKAY

and he’s like yES BITCH I MADE THE TEAM

and then you scream for 45 seconds

next time you see him in person you tackle him with a hug and he lifts you up and spins you around because wow !!!!! so happy !!!!

11th grade:

ah, yes

the year of PARTYING

you always go to parties together and switch who’s dd each time

eventually more friends start coming with you so that you can both get drunk tho ayy

but for the first couple times it’s either drunk lucas half draped on you as you drag him home or sober lucas carrying your lightweight ass to the car

he’s a real one so he won’t say anything about the time you were really drunk and got separated from him so you stood on a table and screamed his name til he came and snatched you down lmao

lucas has reached full height as well so he’s like, so much bigger than you

also he’s gotten so much better at basketball and is practically the star of the team

you go to every game and cheer as loud as you can bc that’s your BOY

puberty is Complete for you and you look female and everything!!!! go off queen

lucas is now on Protective Mode since you’re really cute and a very agreeable drunk and under no circumstances will he allow you to be taken advantage of

NOT on my watch- lucas

alright we’re gonna make senior year the present timeline bc

YOLO

lucas is officially more popular than you

BUT

he actually sticks around because he’s The Best

okay also this guy just keeps getting larger

like he got all tall but THEN

he was doing basketball so much and just genuinely enjoyed doing sports in general that our boy was thicc with two(2) got damn c’s

you don’t notice that much until he gets into a habit of throwing you over his shoulder whenever you won’t pay attention to him

and it’s , unnerving how easily he does it

he’s started wearing shirts that show off his, eh hem, assets

long story short he’s hot as fuck and even you see him and you’re like DAYUM

also every female in your school is. ALL OVER HIM

it’s hard to walk next to him in the halls because people genuinely shove you out of the way to get next to him

at first you just kind of let it happen and he didn’t notice the first few times

that made u hella emo :(((((

but now he INSISTS upon holding your hand and dragging you behind him through the crowds

you highkey blush the whole time and everyone is all ArE yOu GuYs DaTiNg ?!/&:&:$

lucas is like NO.

:))))

ouchie

you start overthinking things because ??? would it really be so bad to be dating you jeez

you’re not terribly ugly or anything ???

at least you don’t think so

oh my god he thinks you’re ugly and annoying and he hates you

self hatred commence in 3,2,....... someone play the icarly theme song

you lowkey start distancing yourself and he himself is busy busy bee so

you start seeing less of each other :/

and you miss him soooo so much (this is your own doing BITCH) but it doesn’t even seem like he misses you at all wtf

he’s just having a great time w/ his basketball boy(friend)s and everyone loves him and you’ve been hashtag left behind :(

he really didn’t mean to he just !!!! has so much going on aaaa

and like in his absence you start realizing a lot of things

like how much you actually liked his cringey ass flirting

you would always smack him every time he was like “oh sorry, just got lost in ur eyes what did u say :3”

you miss his hugs because they were really rEALLY GOOD

he tucks you under his chin and squishes you or he’ll just wrap his arms around and pick you up

your feet just ???? dangle

you miss when he would show up at your house at like 11 with a bunch of shitty foreign films and force you to watch them with him

you miss when you both would fall asleep in a pile on the couch and he would wake up and carry you to bed

because he’s an angel THATS WHY

anywhom

you miss everything about him and you just are so upset that he doesn’t pay that much attention to you

it gets WORSE when you notice some other girl hanging out with him

and she’s prettier than you and apparently good enough for his attention when you aren’t and you’re just so full of

what’s the word

JEALOUSY.mp3

go listen to jealousy by monsta x

but obviously you’re not going to acknowledge that because what’s a good friends to lovers story without a hearty helping of denial

he still tries to hang out with you so you guys do see each other in class and at least a couple weekends out of the month but :(((

it’s nowhere near how close you were

it all comes to a head when one day you’re walking in the hall and it’s hella crowded

way worse than usual

and in the center of the crowd is

you guessed it :’-)

our boy yukhei

and he just asked this girl to the winter formal and she’s nodding and smiling and hugging him and he’s smiling too and you

gotta go

your eyes are already starting to water and you start skirting around the edges of the crowd to get to a bathroom

one of your other friends jeno who also plays with lucas on the team sees you and smiles and lifts his hand

but it immediately shifts into a frown when he sees your face

he reaches out to grab your wrist and asks if you’re okay and what’s wrong

you just bring your other hand up to sloppily wipe at your watery eyes and whisper that it’s nothing

the hand he’s got in his grasp has started to shake and he looks really worried so he tugs you around the corner until he doesn’t see anyone around

and he turns to look you in the eyes all Serious

“alright. spill”

and you just

BURST INTO TEARS

he panics and hesitantly puts an arm around your shoulders to pat your back

you just press your forehead into his shoulder and cry

it’s a short cry though because although we are dramatic out here we aren’t doing The Absolute Most

you pull away and wipe your eyes and take a few deep breaths before you apologize

jeno smiles sadly and pats your head and says it’s okay and that he hopes it helped

you stand there for 37 seconds exactly in silence

jenos been counting

and then you let the cat out of the bag

you adMIT FINALLY !!!!!

that you are really in love with your bff/sort of ex-bff and you’re really jealous and sad because he doesn’t even CARE about you anymore

at first jeno is quiet but then he starts laughing

and he won’t stop

and you’re like if you keep going i’m going to cry again please i’m so sensitive

and he shuts up immediately and is like o_o

but then he grips you by your shoulders and is like hEY

“guess what”

“god jeno i am really not in the mood”

“no for real guess what the fuck is up”

“what is up ???? what is up you asshole ???”

“yukhei is in love with you too”

you scoff and roll your eyes

“this is a really lame attempt to make me feel better”

“no really i’m not even lying i swear he talks about you all the time in the locker room and he literally thinks you’re an angel”

“okay but its platonic as hell like obviously we love each other after all these years but he doesn’t like ME in the way i like HIM”

“how do you know??”

“how do YOU know ?????”

“,,,,,, you got me there”

you pat his shoulder and you’re like listen i really appreciate you trying to make me feel better but it’s time for me to accept my fate

now you and lucas still text semi regularly and send each other memes and stuff

but you just, cut him off because you physically can’t move on if you interact with him at all you LOVE this boy

he def notices and texts you a few times like

y/n ??? hello? is your phone broken?

but when you stop waving back at him in the hallways and actively avoiding him he realizes you’re not talking to him

and this poor boy cannot for the life of him figure out why

he doesn’t UNDERSTAND

god he’s dumb but we still stan

he figures you want him to leave you alone so he just stares at your forlornly from afar

this just pisses you off bc like wtf nOW YOURE GONNA PAY ATTENTION TO ME ??????

a couple weeks pass and it’s time for winter formal

yay.

you’ve been dragged here by jeno who is SURE that something important is gonna happen tonight and lucas is gonna Fix Everything

yeah OKAY

SURE

you may not want to go but you wouldn’t be caught DEAD not stunting on these hoes

you show up looking absolutely SPICY

QUEEN OF WINTER

you know you had to do it to em

jeno forcefully pulls you into the doors of the gymnasium and then disappears after he threatens you with an

“i told chenle not to let you leave”

and you turn to look at chenle who is SGA and helping with the dance and he gives you an “i’m watching you” hand motion

god this is ridiculous

you sigh and go find some of your other friends

you hate to admit this but. you actually had a little fun

and then of course

a slow song was played

and the dj is all yo everyone find you a honey it’s time to slow it down for a bit

sigh

you go to walk off the dance floor or find jeno or do SOMETHING other than stand around looking awkward surrounded by couples

but someone has snatched your hand up yo wtf

it’s LUCAS

and you just look at him with confusion

“dance with me, please. just this once,,,”

and you’re like hmmm pls don’t make me do this

but he hits you with Them Puppy Dog Eyes and you’re a goner

so you let him pull you close and hold you against his chest and rest his chin on the top of your head

you lift up on your toes so you can talk in his ear

“where’s your date?”

“dancing with her girlfriend”

“um. what”

“she’s not super duper out yet so i’m being her beard for the night. it was mainly to get her parents off her back”

“oh. huh”

“plus i missed you :(((( you disappeared”

your hands tighten in the fabric of his button up bc you’re like aw FUCK

you just shake your head and rest it back on his chest and close your eyes to enjoy it while you can

as much as you want to be convinced that things can go back to the way they were now

they cANNOT because you still love him and he still just thinks of you as a friend

maybe not even a best friend anymore :(

(again,, YOUR FAULT BITCH)

his GIANT warm hands slide across your waist to press you forward by the small of your back

at this point you are pressed together basically head to toe

and you can’t tell for sure but , you think he kissed the top of your head ???

maybe you were freakin hallucinating though since you’re losing oxygen fast due to his close proximity

the song ends and you slowly stop swaying and pull apart while everyone gets back to being wild

“can we.. go talk outside”

this sentence strikes FEAR in your heart but you take his proffered hand as he leads you outside

it’s cold as hell so you’re already wound up tight and wrapping your arms around yourself to keep warm

he notices quickly and wraps his jacket around you before turning to face outward towards the road

it’s quiet other than the muffled music from inside and crickets and other night noises

he opens his mouth to say something but you just blurt out

“i like you!!!!”

and he whips around to face you and you just. keep talking

“it’s oKAY i know you don’t like me back like that and i would never be mad at you about that i didn’t distance myself from you bc of that!!!! i just had to because it was hurting me to be around you and see you be with other girls and i really wanted to move on so that we could get back to being best friends if you even wanted that i just !!! IT JUST HAPPENED OKAy i’m sO SORRY AND I ComPLetely understand if you never want to speak to me again”

and he’s just staring at you and panting

why is he out of breath he’s just been standing there

you’re getting super duper nervous because he hasn’t said aNYTHING and it’s been at least a minute

and then he just goes

“you… like .. me ???”

and you’re like ugh YES you dumbass have you even met yourself you’re so cute and sweet and such a goofy boy and you’re way too nice to me and also HOT so like. you were asking for it

and he immediately swings you into his arms and gives you a big sloppy kiss on the cheek and buries his face in your shoulder and squeals

this man. SQUEALS

and you giggle because it’s tickling your neck hey stop that

and he’s laughing that loud ass cackle of his so you’re laughing too i mean have y’all heard that shit

GOOFY AS HELL

also he’s hugging you almost just like he used to with your feet dangling off the ground

and he pulls back to set you down but then

HE GRABS YOUR FACE

AND KISSES YOU ??!/&8:$:$:92&

b i t c h

he’s so gentle and is patient when you kind of freeze at first, pulling away and pressing his lips very gently to the corner of your mouth before going Back In

and even though he’s given you NO EXPLANATION FOR THIS you kiss him back because this may be a one time only opportunity and you will NOT be wasting it

he goes very slow and sweet and right before he pulls away he presses a cute lil smooch to your bottom lip and presses his forehead against yours

“what was that for?”

“oh yeah, i forgot to tell you!! i’m in love with you”

“oh hEY me too ??!!?!&/&”

and you’re both pressed together and giggling

“hey, you wanna ditch and go get some ice cream”

“absolutely”

so he lets his date know and you text jeno

(you: bIIIIIIIITTCHHHH jeno: I KNEW IT)

and you’re off

he holds your hand the whole way there and when he parks he spRINTs around the car so he can open it for you

you each get an ice cream cone and sit next to each other at a picnic table and just talk and catch up with each other since you haven’t been talkin :/

one of your hands is laced with his and your head is leaned on his shoulder and he’s like hEY watch it this is my favorite shirt

and he flexes his arm with your head on it and you’re like god dAMN that’s a bicep

and he’s like ayy lmao arent u glad ur dating a greek demi god 🤪🤪

and you smack HIM

“i cant believe you just declared us as dating in the same sentence as calling yourself a greek demigod”

“are we ,,,, not dating”

“i mean personally, i haven’t gotten asked on a date yet. hmmmm, have you? :-)”

and he sighs dramatically before wrapping an arm around your waist and leaving a somewhat sticky kiss on your temple from the ice cream

he leans down to your ear

“hey so there’s this girl and her name is y/n and she’s so beautiful and funny and i love her so much do you think she would go on a date with me ? :3”

“hmmm well i guess so,,, she could give you a chance…..”

you hold a straight face for less than 5 seconds before you get all blushy and smiley and he squeals at you

......again

and grabs your face with his hands since he literally dEVOURED that ice cream cone

he presses a kiss to the tip of your nose and then to your lips and says against them,

“please~”

another kiss

“for me?~”

another

“cmon~”

and he goes in for another but you’re like oKAY okay i’ll date you you giant pain in my ass

and he’s like :-(((((((

(DONT BE MEAN TO THE BABY BOY)

and you’re like aw i’m sorry you’re MY giant pain in the butt

he seems pretty satisfied with that and after you finish your ice cream cone he is already at the door waiting with the door open

“if you dARE say m’lady i will walk home”

“of course ,,,,,,,,, m’lady”

“alrIGHT THATS IT”

he grabs your hand and pulls you back toward him to keep you from leaving and presses a kiss to your forehead and ruffles your hair a little

before he kindly and gently shoves you into the car

he drives home with one hand on the wheel while you mess with the fingers of his other hand because wow

that shit is amazing he’s got some big ole beautiful hands

when you arrive he walks you to your door and

this mf presses you against it and presses an absolutely SINFUL kiss onto your lips before turning around and heading back to his car

“bye, baby!! i’ll see u tmrw at school :-)))))”

and first of all: KKDKDNDKDJ

second: he called you baby it’s officially over for you bitch

you wave back blankly because what the hell just happened and then you go inside

you press yourself against the door after you close it behind you and press your hands into your warm cheeks

and woooo bOY what have you gotten yourself into

a supportive and caring boyfriend who LOVES YOU THATS WHAT !!!!!!!!

okay goodbye i really love wong yukhei xuxi lucas whatever the fuck his name is

#huehueheuhuehe #sorry its been a few days I was super busy #I love u ALL #Lucas #wong yukhei #lucas scenarios #lucas fluff #yukhei scenarios #yukhei fluff #nct scenarios #nct scenario #nct fluff #nct u #nct 2018 #nct u scenarios #nct 2018 scenarios

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moldypieceoflasagna · 6 years

Text

36 questions that nobody asked me

(except @lollipoppedchainsaw )

(the 36 questions that lead to love or whatever) https://www.nytimes.com/2015/01/11/fashion/no-37-big-wedding-or-small.html

1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?

I hate going out to dinner so much i probably wouldnt be able to enjoy it properly

2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?

It would be interesting to see what it’s like for a short period of time, but i’d never be able to keep it up; i’d probably have an identity crisis

3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?

yes i have to mentally prepare myself 100% of the time

4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?

hanging out with the people i love is enough to keep me happy for a good while tbh. sitting around doing nothing literally nothing with them is endlessly entertaining to me even though sometimes i might make that hard to believe

5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?

i sing to myself a lot, not so much to others- although i AM a slut for karaoke

6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?

body because i feel thats probably what old people complain about most. plus like,, 90 years of life knowledge? sounds great to me

7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?

probably an accident that’s almost statistically impossible

8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.

single rn (ladies) but i usually try to find friends with similar music tastes because scream-singing in the car is the most fun one can have

9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?

im most grateful for my dogs and for my friends! i love them and it means the world to me to have people that i can call family. also i would die without my dog juno, she is my rock (and my therapist)

10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?

Not rly how i was raised, but i wish i had a closer relationship with my older siblings. Three of them had moved out before i was rly old enough to not be an asshole child, so most of them still see me as an asshole child and they never take me seriously. im glad i have an alright relationship with them, but that’s kinda all it is and i know i could do better

11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.

Lived in Texas my whole life yeehaw. I have 2 brothers and 2 sisters; 2 of them dont like me, and my relationship with the other 2 is,, certainly not bad. Had a lot of physical and mental illness in the past, but 20gayteen is definitely my year, yeet

12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

either speaking a different language or playing the piano. im very jealous of good piano players, and at some point i need to be able to speak a more useful language than french because so far in texas it’s proved absolutely useless (other than talking to my mom but that doesnt count)

13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?

I’d wanna know wtf im supposed to do with my life because sweaty i still have no idea. passion? dont know her please introduce me

14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?

i wanna go skydiving bitch, no one wants to go with me! pussies!!! the lot of you

15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

that one time i did an entire semester’s worth of work in the last three days of the school year

16. What do you value most in a friendship?

being able to put up with my huge fucking mouth. also honesty is super important, even if it’ll make me feel shitty

17. What is your most treasured memory?

when i went camping with a bunch of friends and they were bitter i got to be in the middle of the tent because they were all cold. either that or the time i was getting really bad sleep paralysis and @lonelywaterfall & @skity stayed over so my paranoia didnt render me completely useless,,, also the paramore concert lol ive never been more vulnerable in my life.

18. What is your most terrible memory?

coming out to my mom haha

19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?

i’d go on a trip around the world to explore/to see a few people, and i’d put extra effort into my gender expression

20. What does friendship mean to you?

comfortable silence is my kink. also emotional vulnerability and SAD BOY HOURS we cant forget those

21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?

I’m such a slut for physical affection yall have no idea please hug me as much as possible and play with my hair or my hands

22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.

i guess ill do the same with previous partners so.. i think being funny is probably the #1 thing i appreciate in someone. when you make me laugh so hard i cry, just know that’s like. peak. also stubbornness is strangely attractive to me, plus like,,, uh having an unexpected soft side? an appreciation of art is super important, too. also SPOON VERSATILITY.

23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?

it was probably happier than a lot of people’s but there wasnt much to it. plus being the youngest in my ENTIRE family really sucked during my childhood because everyone picked on me and i think that’s probably what started a lot of my issues lol

24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?

better than it could be, but definitely not what i want it to be. we both love each other and i admire her work ethic, but she gave me a lot of anxiety problems (both genetically and not) and she isnt the most understanding person. i have hope though, people change

25. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling …

I’m hungry and sitting alone in front of my computer feeling like OVERSHARING ON THIS BEAUTIFUL THURSDAY MORNING, BOYS

26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share …

many, MANY animals and a lighthouse in the middle of nowhere

27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.

I’m REALLY insecure about my body xd

28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.

LOVE feeling safe.

29. Share an embarrassing moment in your life.

probably every time that i’ve ever worn a dress, because i really,, really dont like wearing dresses and that’s it

30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?

last cried by myself this morning and last cried in front of another person at my friend’s birthday party

31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.

no partner but if youre reading this im rly proud of ur attention span. gj buddy

32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?

i think most things can be joked about after a certain amount of time, but like,, it has to actually be funny and it has to come from someone i know isnt serious about it. if a joke is made just for the purpose of being offensive and edgy, it’s never funny no tea just truth.

33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?

i’d regret not spending enough time with people that i love, not traveling as much as i should have, and also i’d regret not formally coming out of the closet to my family (they probably already been done knew but like. yknow). i came out to myself & the people closest to me a LONG ass time ago, but i’ve kinda seen what it did to my immediate family so im not too excited to do that to my extended family. if i’m not too much of a pussy, ill probably do it in the summer when i see them next, bc ive been meaning to for a while.

34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?

is it bad of me to say my computer? i feel like everyone else has a much more meaningful answer lol. it would probably either be that or the papers i keep on my bulletin board, bc most of them hold a lot of sentimental value (also my prescriptions would be a pain to get copies of)

35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?

either of my parents because i dont want them dying before i reach the point where i can expect them to be happy for me when i marry a girl

36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.

personal problems? what’re those lmfao dont have any srry try me again later

i’m too much of a pussy to tag certain people so if you see this and I've had any sort of conversation with you, do it coward

(also @skity @drawinintherain )

#love exposing myself to people on the internet #hot

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0zrockbitway · 6 years

Text

@producktions matamina time yeehaw

gay tutor time w/ special guest of Tengawara’s coach being physics teacher here

"Matatagi? Can I see you for a second before you go?"

The voice had came from the front of the class, the teacher, Ms. Mizuki had called for his attention right after the bell had rung. The boy in question peered towards her. He didn't want to be late for his next class, but how could he say no to a teacher? Mentally, he rolled his eyes, regretting the fact that he might have to dash throughout the school in order to not be late. He's confident that he'd make it on time.

"Yeah," he responds back, grabbing his bag and heading to the front of the room just after the rest of the students had trailed out the door. The boy bites down on his lip, a little worried about what this might be about. He had a feeling that he knew what this would be about and he was dreading it.

The woman wears a gentle smile, brushes back her brown bangs as she prepares herself for this conversation with her student. Matatagi takes notice how she's hesitating and figures it really is bad news, no matter how kind she wanted to be about this.

"Matatagi…I hate to say this, but you haven't been doing well in my class."

And there it was. What he had been dreading to hear, even if he had known it from the start. He just wants to groan in annoyance, but holds back. Not in front of a teacher, he tells himself.

"Oh, I'm sorry about that. I do plan on doing extra credit questions for homework to make up for it though," he responds as he glances down, avoiding her gaze. His hand clenches, angry and frustrated with himself for allowing this to actually happen. Matatagi had wanted to pass all his classes, get nothing but straight A's to keep up that scholarship, but…physics had been taking a toll on his hard work. It was the one class he couldn't defeat and it would hold him back if he didn't at least pass it.

"While I do appreciate you trying, I don't think that it will bring your grade up too high." She pauses. "I think you should get a tutor, Matatagi."

Dark eyes widen as his head shoots up immediately. "I can't-!" His response comes out too fast, maybe makes him look a little scared to even hearing that. "I-I mean…I wouldn't be able to-"

"Oh no," she cuts him off, waving a panicked hand. She hadn't meant to startle the boy. "I don't mean get one outside of school."

Matatagi feels himself sight out in relief.

"I meant another student could do it for you. Someone else in the class. And I already picked someone out to help you," she says with such a sweet smile, as if she were proud of her idea and choice. "He currently has the highest grade in my class, and he's a good boy, so I think he'll be able to help you. I already asked him it he'd be alright with it and he said he would. I just wanted to know if you would be to."

He wanted to say no. He didn't like getting help, even from a classmate that he hardly spoke to. His mind reels through the students who had just been here seconds ago as he tried to figure out who it might be. It couldn't be those he spoke with, they were…average. He only spoke to them about homework and that one kid about track. None of them seemed to be a physics genius. Was there even one in this class? A kid he hadn't spoken to? That seemed like the case.

"Um, who is he, exactly?"

"Minaho Kazuto."

Yeah, doesn't ring a bell.

"Well, I guess taking some lessons from him wouldn't hurt." He tries to make it sound like it's not a big deal and that he's mildly interested. It's not like he was in a position to say no anyway. She had already gone out of her way to pick out a student, talk to him, get him to agree. The only thing he could do was go along with this. Besides, he needed this- he'd do this for his grade.

"Great!" Ms. Mizuki claps her hands together with a joyous look. "I told him that you'd go see him at the library after school. All I want is for you to study with him for an hour a day if you can. Any more is up to you. I told him to go over most subjects and even gave him some spare notes to help. You'll be in good hands."

Matatagi forces a smile to his lips, a little surprised that she had already told him he'd agree. She couldn't have planned him to say yes, could she? What if he had declined? Oh well, he's not going to worry about that.

"Thank you, Ms. Mizuki. I promise I'll do better from now on."

~…~

When he steps into the school's library, he's quiet. Matatagi makes sure his shoes don't squeak as loud, keeps his bag pressed against him to limit the noise he might emit. He keeps his gaze away from the librarian as he passes by the desk. His eyes already begin to scan the room, going to the tables that were set up near the entrance for someone- alone, he assumes, someone he could possibly recognize.

The library is fairly empty, some students in the rows of bookshelves off to the right, theres one table that has a couple studying- they don't look interested in him or physics. He lets out a sigh, wondering why that guy couldn't have just been waiting for him by the door. Or maybe he was early? He was hoping that Minaho hadn't bounced on him.

Since the first few tables didn't have anyone familiar, he passes them, heading over to those off to the side nearby the computer stations. As he crosses over, someone catches his eyes- a hand movement. His head turns and he finds someone waving to him. His eyes narrow for a second and he recognizes that face. It wasn't someone he spoke to, but someone he did have a few other classes with.

"Matatagi," the other boy speaks his name once he had walked over to him, voice low, but not in a whisper. He guessed they could speak somewhat normally since they were pretty far from the librarians corner.

"Yeah, that's me. Minaho, right?" He asks while dropping his bag by the table taking the seat beside him.

"Mhmm!" Minaho smiles, extending a hand to him. "Pleasure to finally speak to you."

"Uhh…same to you," he says, not as enthusiastically before taking his hand to shake. This seemed a little to…formal for his liking. They were in the same year, so he was hoping that he wouldn't do a 180 and become one of those punks who loved shoving their knowledge down other people's throats.

"Thanks for agreeing to be my tutor," Matatagi says, figuring he might as well try to be polite.

"Oh, no need to thank me. I've been curious on how it is to teach someone. You know, they say if you can teach a subject to someone, that means you have a good grasp on it," Minaho replies with a confident grin before he puts a hand on his book. "Besides, I have no problem helping someone who actually needs and wants the help."

"Excuse me?" Matatagi raises a brow to the last comment, hoping that sarcasm hadn't slipped through his teeth.

"I noticed," he starts, eyes going from him to the book, flipping through the pages, "that you do try your best in class. I've seen you struggle a lot, especially with the weekly quizzes. You're not the only one, but you are the one who takes it seriously."

"You've been…watching me?" Matatagi asks in disbelief.

Minaho nods with a hum in response, his hand stopping on a page as he slides the book over to him. "I prefer the term observing. I get bored when there isn't anything else to do in class. You could say people watching is a little hobby of mine to. So, I may not know that much about you, but I do know some small things about you."

"Oh really?" Matatagi gives him a challenging look, finding this to be some bluff of his. He didn't like how…sure of himself he looked when he said that. As if he could list quirks about himself that even he wasn't aware of. "What do you know then?" He's not sure if he wants an answer to that question. He could feel the regret build up when he watches that smile on Minaho's face widen.

"Since you asked…You're one of the few who come early and study beforehand, being on time shows your studious nature, especially for the first class, but looking over previous notes shows that you doubt yourself or are underprepared. You tend to avoid causing trouble with those who sit beside you. And you're rather polite, trying to avoid conflict, even when the occasional rude comment comes up. I've noticed you only talk to a certain few people, but it's always small talk and-"

"That's enough." He says, suddenly, really not having expected that. Maybe he wasn't just all talk. Hopefully that would apply to him being able to teach.

"But I didn't get to the best part…"

Matatagi sighs as the other boy pouts. "I don't need to hear anymore. Just…teach me on this already, okay? I can't stay for long today."

"Why not?" Minaho asks with a curious gaze. "It's the first day, you should stay as long as possible."

"I have something else to attend to, okay?" He replies, hates how he's sounding impatient and rude. That earlier observation of his had thrown him off. Part of him is ready to just tell him to figure it out. "I'll stay longer to make tomorrow to make it up for today. But I have to leave early. Teach me what you can, now."

Minaho stares for a moment, trying to read him. He doubts that Matatagi is trying to get away from him, but something else is important. The tutor doesn't push, not today.

"Alright, let's get started with this problem…"

~…~

"Your grades have been improving, or so I've been told by Ms. Mizuki," Minaho states when Matatagi meets with him at their appointed time and place.

"I've only managed to get a handle on the subject thanks to you," he admits while taking his seat. "I doubt I'd be doing so good on my own. Or with another tutor."

"It's rare of you to actually praise me while looking at me," Minaho says as he props his elbows up on the table, holding his head in his hands. "At least your warming up to me."

Matatagi rolls his eyes to that comment. "I am not warming up to you."

"Would you prefer for me to say you're less hostile than when we first spoke?"

"Explain? Actually- don't. I don't want to hear you analyze me today."

"But you already said explain, so maybe I-"

Minaho stops himself when he sees that glare from Matatagi. He doesn't need to read his expression in depth to know that it's time for him to be quiet. He shrugs in defeat, letting his hands fall to the table, though doesn't look hurt by this loss.

"Okay, I won't. But only for today. Speaking of…are you able to stay?"

"Mmm. Yeah. My brothers have some little fun fair activity after school," Matatagi answers. "I can stay for a little longer than usual, but not too long. I have to go pick them up."

"Good to know! Anyway, I think I know what I can teach you before the midterm. And maybe after that, you'll be good enough on your own."

As Minaho moves his chair closer to his, nearly pressing their shoulders together, his mind lingers on his last comment. He was hoping that he wasn't telling him that this would come to a stop, that this would all just…end. His gaze lifts from the text to Minaho, taking a quick glance at the other boy and how close they were. His eyes were bright, voice energetic, he swears the other had dimples when he smiled. He notices when their hands touch, both resting on the book. If this were a couple months earlier, he knows he would have swatted him away. But now, he doesn't. When had he stopped?

When had he started enjoying these sessions with him? Just…talking with him? God, he didn't know- didn't know why he was thinking about this all of a sudden now. He needed to focus on his lesson. Maybe he shouldn't be this close to him.

But did this really mean anything? It never would. It couldn't mean anything. This wasn't real.

~…~

Matatagi puts his head into his hand, eyes glancing back and forth between paper and blackboard. His hand is moving, writing down the same words written on the board, keeping up with the teacher. His gaze begins to drift away from the board, going to a more familiar person with orange hair. When he notices his attention had drifted off and Ms. Mizuki is moving on, he shakes his head to snap himself out of this daze. He's forced to raise his hand and ask for an extra minute to jot down notes before they're erased.

A sigh escapes him, hating himself for being the one in class to ask for extra time. He didn't mind asking when he really needed it or the teacher wasn't aware of how fast they were going, but asking since he had gotten distracted? God, he felt like a fool.

The lesson continues and Matatagi forces himself to pay attention. He tries to but physics still isn't his best subject and he finds something- someone else taking priority over this subject. By the end of the class, he's not even sure if he remembered anything that was said.

"Matatagi?" It's Ms. Mizuki, calling for him. "Can I see you for a few minutes?"

"Yes," he answers as he's putting away his belongings. Everyone is already shuffling out the door, his dark eyes meet with green. Minaho waves to him, mouthing a 'good luck' before he scurries out with the others.

"What did you want to see me for?" Matatagi asks once he's at her desk.

"It's not about your grades," she reassures, hoping not to startle him like the last time she called for him, even if it had been so long ago. "You've been doing very well lately. I'm happy to see the improvements and knowing Minaho is helping you. It's nice seeing you even work together with him for class assignments."

He feels his cheeks burn upon her noticing that. Well, he guessed it was fairly obvious. They hadn't been close until he started having to turn to Minaho for tutoring. And Matatagi preferred to go to him over anyone else, not just because he was smart, but because he was more pleasant to deal with. He liked him- no, he didn't. Not like that. Now isn't the time to be thinking about that when a teacher was right in front of him.

"I wanted to ask if everything is okay?" He voice snaps him away from his thoughts, thankfully.

"Everything is fine, why do you ask?"

"Well, you haven't been paying attention in class lately. I know this is an earlier one, so I thought maybe you haven't been getting enough sleep?"

"I have. I think I'm just a little worried about other classes. Midterms are coming up all at the same time. So…its a lot. I'm sorry, I'll try to focus more."

"Oh," she seems a little more relieved hearing that. "Well, if anything is ever wrong, you can come to me, okay, Matatagi? I want my students to succeed."

"I will, thank you."

~…~

Matatagi runs a hand through his hair as he stands outside the library. He'd been feeling hesitant to enter this past week. His mind had been overcrowded with thoughts and feelings he didn't want to really address. But, things would be normal. Nothing funny would happen today, he tells himself. With that, he enters the library, heading over to their usual spot. Minaho was already there, as usual.

"I found a really hard problem, bet you can't solve it," Minaho boasts like an energetic child.

"Challenging me right off the bat, huh? Cocky, aren't you?" Matatagi grins in response, taking his seat and already taking the pencil thats left on the table for him. "What is this, for the midterm?"

"Mhm. I think you can handle it now, but taking an extra step of precaution wouldn't hurt."

Matatagi rolls his eyes before they take to the paper. He hadn't expected a problem right away, but whatever. He gazes over the text, reads the problem, and begins to scribble notes necessary that would help him solve this. His mind is completely wrapped up in the problem, so eager to solve it that he doesn't notice the hand placed upon his shoulder and how close Minaho is to him. It wasn't strange anyway, not to him. Matatagi had learned the other liked getting into people's personal space- his anyway.

"Matatagi?"

He hears his own name being uttered so close to his ear, in a strange whisper. It's startling and causes him to turn his head.

"Mina-"

He stops, unable to finish saying his name as he finds something against his lips. He's frozen in place, taking a moment to realize Minaho's lips against his. He's not even sure what to think or if he can. His mind is just blank, everything had stopped. This had all happened so suddenly and- was this real? It is. It's very real. These soft lips pressing against his are definitely real. And upon realizing this, Matatagi bolts up from his seat, knocking the chair back with a thud in this quiet library.

"What the hell was that for?" He shouts, though shortly recalls afterwards that they're in a library and that he might have caused more heads to turn if there were any here. And boy is he grateful the librarian was out for whatever reason, she hadn't come running up to him or heard a shush (and the last thing he needs is detention for being disruptive).

Minaho grins, looking amused though doesn't laugh. "Sorry, I didn't think you'd react so loudly. I just had to confirm something."

"Confirm, what?"

"That you like me."

Matatagi blinks, staring at him. He scoffs, crosses his arms as he tries to think of a comeback, something that wouldn't count as a confirmation or denial. God, his mind was still blank after that kiss.

"What makes you think that, huh? How would you even guess something like that in the first place?" It takes so much to resist shouting at him. For once, he wishes they weren't in the library.

"I thought you'd never ask." Minaho points to him. "Your cheeks are red." This causes Matatagi's cheeks to burn more; he hadn't realized just how madly he was blushing. "You haven't run off or slapped me, as most would do to a failed- hmm I can't call this a typical confession, but one like it. If you need evidence to prove it, you stopped responding so violently to my touch. You find excuses to be with me, in and out of class. I've managed to gain your trust and that's something very hard to earn. And I've seen the way you look at me. I wasn't quite sure what it was before, but I think I was able to identify it. Especially since we're both young adolescents, so I believe you've been having a natural response to-"

Matatagi is quick to move a hand over his mouth before he could continue. This was a physics lesson, not a health one. God, he could feel his face heating up even more now with just a thought of that.

"Okay. Stop." Matatagi slowly removes his hand. "If you…already knew that I liked you. Why did you kiss me out of nowhere?" He hisses through his teeth.

"If I wanted to ask you out normally, I doubt you would have said yes. You would have put on a polite act and turned me down, even if it would be hard for you. Maybe you would have given me time, but call me impatient to say I didn't want to wait. Besides, this was a more interesting way to ask, don't you think?" Minaho gives him an innocent smile.

Matatagi stares at him. He really should have expected something like this from him. But, he was also right and hated that he was. He mumbles a curse underneath his breath and picks up the fallen chair. He sets it back in place, right beside Minaho. He's quiet, just…thinking about what had happened, looking over to the other boy, trying to catch him before he could pull another surprise kiss on him.

"So," Minaho starts, "What's your answer?"

"You didn't exactly ask me, you know…" Matatagi mutters, pulling the book closer to him and trying to see where he had left off. "But, maybe if you help me with this problem, we can figure something out."

"Like a date?"

"Maybe."

"I'll take that as a yes."

#producktions #dragon writings #matamina #THIS IS ALMOST 4000 WORDS IM SCREAMING #I wanted it to be a little longer to show time passing and :')#did it

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jerxsnapjesus-blog · 5 years

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Jer is back

I find the idea of knowledge so fascinating. My favorite teachers, artists, and people all share this characteristic in common. Its almost relieving to be in the same room with people are filled with an abundance of knowledge. I listen intently, and try and take in all that they are willing to give because as a starving child I am simply looking every crumb of truth.

Referencing Canadian psychologist Jordan Peterson, talking to people is important because, other than for connection, everyone is unique and carries unique knowledge that is new to you. We can all learn from one another and while the degree may very everyone can offer some bit of useful information.

I struggled with this concept for years, and it wasn't until the end of my sophomore year of college that it really began to be a fire within me. I went along accepting what I was told (as my school system had allowed) and simply did what I was told. I was my own person but that wasn't saying much. If we were to cut out stick figurines of ourselves from colored construction paper, well mine would be grey. I lacked substance, flavor, uniqueness. My indifference had become the hoodie in which I had tied the strings in a knot to hide my face. I simply believed that what I felt to be true must have been true or that what I was told my whole life is what was true.

Move to the summer after my sophomore year and I am dumbfounded by the years I had wasted focusing on feelings, relationships, friends, etc. The realization itself could have easily fueled my eventual journey towards "self-discovery". I added quotes to the phrase because of how it is usually interpreted. No I wasn't trying to "find myself" nor was I trying to "be my own person". That is to narrow of a view for what I had done. Instead of asking what I was or who I was, I started asking (yes you guessed it) why I was. Why did I need to have my own opinion, why did I need to value truth, why did I need to understand who I was a person and why is this journey really necessary? If I spend hours trying to sum it down I am sure I could come up with something better, but for now I'd like to say it is knowledge.

My church has a very simplistic, yet true, quote that was often thrown out. "Know God, Love People" It may be easy to connect knowledge to knowing God, but not so much for the love people. Why is knowledge important to love people? You ever get close to someone then realize who they really are and leave due to that fact? Through knowledge we love more maturely, not like child whose love is measured in whether or not their way. We love more intentionally, more passionately. That is because in our knowledge we understand the faults of all humans, our intrinsic value, and the undeniable desire to be loved. Through our understanding and leaning on the truth we hold dear, we become better neighbors and love those around us.

This was one of the first things I grew to cherish in my journey, and if that is all that it entailed you could say it was an easy and happy ride. However, that is never the case. Just as there is the truth and knowledge that allows us to bring happiness to others, there is also truth and knowledge that causes us to shine light in areas romantically involved with the dark. This is what I am faced with on a day to day basis. Like Jesus stated very clearly that "they hate you because the first hated me". I felt like this was to come eventually. I grew the foundations of my knowledge in church of all places. However, warnings never fully prepares you for when it comes.

Before this journey and definitely before college, I would have agreed that everyone is generally smart and can understand anything logical. Shoot I feel like everyone could agree that if 2+2=4 then the following is true 2+x=4 and x = 2. While I am oversimplifying the cases in reality it still holds true. We start off knowing nothing, it was hard enough to remember what a 2 was much less that when added to another it would make a different number. I run across this disconnect in "what we know" and "what is true" in various areas whether it be at a family friends house, a college campus, or online. Why that is, I am sure there are various explanations, all I know is that its there. At first, I was very immature in my handling of such situations and people. "Wow people are really stupid" would be a constant thought in my mind. I would get frustrated and continuously go off on tangents arguing the frustration out of me. Its been a couple years and while I still stop and bask in the stupidity that is people from time to time, I am much more compassionate and patient. Its a journey for a reason, I can't expect to be done in a day.

I state all this to lead to one main point. I love learning and obtaining more and more knowledge. Its drastically improved my life and I am happier for it. So I'll be spouting out posts about one topic or another. Trust me when I say, just because I love learning doesn't mean I am this sociopathic robot here to claim my point above all. If anything it allows me to have discussions with others, to learn from them and/or vice versa. However, I don't plan to sugarcoat or hold back because it would be a disservice to not only me but you. Also, this is all free flowing thoughts. I write this down as I go and post once I am done. I try and keep errors to a minimum, but like handwritten notes, these are going to be messy. There are going to be tangents I go on, times where I might make no sense, but I promise I try and tie it all up in the end. I am not writing for a news paper, or for a book. If you want my thoughts in a formal setting, talk to me, let me know. I'd be happy to work out something. Just know this is me, and honestly that is all I can give.

Yeehaw fellas, jer is back.

#rant

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thefabulousfulcrum · 7 years

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The Democrats Need a New Message

After another demoralizing loss to a monstrous candidate, Democrats need a reboot

via Rolling Stone

by Matt Taibbi

The story of Greg Gianforte, a fiend who just wiped out a Democrat in a congressional race about ten minutes after being charged with assaulting a reporter, is déjà vu all over again.

What to make of Republican Greg Gianforte winning despite beating up a reporter on the eve of his election

How low do you have to sink to lose an election in this country? Republicans have been trying to answer that question for years. But they've been unable to find out, because Democrats somehow keep failing to beat them.

There is now a sizable list of election results involving Republican candidates who survived seemingly unsurvivable scandals to win higher office.

The lesson in almost all of these instances seems to be that enormous numbers of voters would rather elect an openly corrupt or mentally deranged Republican than vote for a Democrat. But nobody in the Democratic Party seems terribly worried about this.

Gianforte is a loon with a questionable mustache who body-slammed Guardian reporter Ben Jacobs for asking a question about the Republican health care bill. He's the villain du jour, but far from the worst exemplar of the genre.

New Yorkers might remember a similar congressional race from a few years ago involving a Staten Island nutjob named Michael Grimm. The aptly named Grimm won an election against a heavily funded Democrat despite being under a 20-count federal corruption indictment. Grimm had threatened on camera to throw a TV reporter "off a fucking balcony" and "break [him] in half … like a boy." He still beat the Democrat by 13 points.

The standard-bearer for unelectable candidates who were elected anyway will likely always be Donald Trump. Trump was caught admitting to sexual assault on tape and openly insulted almost every conceivable demographic, from Mexicans to menstruating women to POWs to the disabled; he even pulled out a half-baked open-mic-night version of a Chinese accent. And still won.

Gianforte, Trump and Grimm are not exceptions. They're the rule in modern America, which in recent years has repeatedly demonstrated its willingness to vote for just about anybody not currently under indictment for serial murder, so long as that person is not a Democrat.

The list of winners includes Tennessee congressman Scott Desjarlais, a would-be "family values" advocate. Desjarlais, a self-styled pious abortion opponent, was busted sleeping with his patients and even urging a mistress to get an abortion. He still won his last race in Bible country by 30 points.

The electoral results last November have been repeated enough that most people in politics know them by heart. Republicans now control 68 state legislative chambers, while Democrats only control 31. Republicans flipped three more governors' seats last year and now control an incredible 33 of those offices. Since 2008, when Barack Obama first took office, Republicans have gained somewhere around 900 to 1,000 seats overall.

There are a lot of reasons for this. But there's no way to spin some of these numbers in a way that doesn't speak to the awesome unpopularity of the blue party. A recent series of Gallup polls is the most frightening example.

Unsurprisingly, the disintegrating Trump bears a historically low approval rating. But polls also show that the Democratic Party has lost five percentage points in its own approval rating dating back to November, when it was at 45 percent.

The Democrats are now hovering around 40 percent, just a hair over the Trump-tarnished Republicans, at 39 percent. Similar surveys have shown that despite the near daily barrage of news stories pegging the president as a bumbling incompetent in the employ of a hostile foreign power, Trump, incredibly, would still beat Hillary Clinton in a rematch today, and perhaps even by a larger margin than before.

If you look in the press for explanations for news items like this, you will find a lot of them. Democrats may have some difficulty winning elections, but they've become quite adept at explaining their losses.

According to legend, Democrats lose because of media bias, because of racism, because of gerrymandering, because of James Comey and because of Russia (an amazing 59 percent of Democrats still believe Russians hacked vote totals).

Third-party candidates are said to be another implacable obstacle to Democratic success, as is unhelpful dissension within the Democrats' own ranks. There have even been whispers that last year's presidential loss was Obama's fault, because he didn't campaign hard enough for Clinton.

The early spin on the Gianforte election is that the Democrats never had a chance in Montana because of corporate cash, as outside groups are said to have "drowned" opponent Rob Quist in PAC money. There are corresponding complaints that national Democrats didn't do enough to back Quist.

A lot of these things are true. America is obviously a deeply racist and paranoid country. Gerrymandering is a serious problem. Unscrupulous, truth-averse right-wing media has indeed spent decades bending the brains of huge pluralities of voters, particularly the elderly. And Republicans have often, but not always, had fundraising advantages in key races.

But the explanations themselves speak to a larger problem. The unspoken subtext of a lot of the Democrats' excuse-making is their growing belief that the situation is hopeless – and not just because of fixable institutional factors like gerrymandering, but because we simply have a bad/irredeemable electorate that can never be reached.

This is why the "basket of deplorables" comment last summer was so devastating. That the line would become a sarcastic rallying cry for Trumpites was inevitable. (Of course it birthed a political merchandising supernova.) To many Democrats, the reaction proved the truth of Clinton's statement. As in: we're not going to get the overwhelming majority of these yeehaw-ing "deplorable" votes anyway, so why not call them by their names?

But the "deplorables" comment didn't just further alienate already lost Republican votes. It spoke to an internal sickness within the Democratic Party, which had surrendered to a negativistic vision of a hopelessly divided country.

Things are so polarized now that, as Georgia State professor Jennifer McCoy put it on NPR this spring, each side views the other not as fellow citizens with whom they happen to disagree, but as a "threatening enemy to be vanquished."

The "deplorables" comment formalized this idea that Democrats had given up on a huge chunk of the population, and now sought only to defeat and subdue their enemies.

Many will want to point out here that the Republicans are far worse on this score. No politician has been more divisive than Trump, who explicitly campaigned on blaming basically everyone but middle American white people for the world's problems.

This is true. But just because the Republicans win using deeply cynical and divisive strategies doesn't mean it's the right or smart thing to do.

Barack Obama, for all his faults, never gave in to that mindset. He continually insisted that the Democrats needed to find a way to reach lost voters. Even in the infamous "guns and religion" episode, this was so. Obama then was talking about the challenge the Democrats faced in finding ways to reconnect with people who felt ignored and had fled to "antipathy toward people who aren't like them" as a consequence.

Even as he himself was the subject of vicious and racist rhetoric, Obama stumped in the reddest of red districts. In his post-mortem on the Trump-Clinton race, he made a point of mentioning this – that in Iowa he had gone to every small town and fish fry and VFW hall, and "there were some counties where I might have lost, but maybe I lost by 20 points instead of 50 points."

Most people took his comments to be a dig at Clinton's strategic shortcomings – she didn't campaign much in many of the key states she lost – but it was actually more profound than that. Obama was trying to point out that people respond when you demonstrate that you don't believe they're unredeemable.

You can't just dismiss people as lost, even bad or misguided people. Unless every great thinker from Christ to Tolstoy to Gandhi to Dr. King is wrong, it's especially those people you have to keep believing in, and trying to reach.

The Democrats have forgotten this. While it may not be the case with Quist, who seems to have run a decent campaign, the Democrats in general have lost the ability (and the inclination) to reach out to the entire population.

They're continuing, if not worsening, last year's mistake of running almost exclusively on Trump/Republican negatives. The Correct the Record types who police the Internet on the party's behalf are relentless on that score, seeming to spend most of their time denouncing people for their wrong opinions or party disloyalty. They don't seem to have anything to say to voters in flyover country, except to point out that they're (at best) dupes for falling for Republican rhetoric.

But "Republicans are bad" isn't a message or a plan, which is why the Democrats have managed the near impossible: losing ground overall during the singular catastrophe of the Trump presidency.

The party doesn't see that the largest group of potential swing voters out there doesn't need to be talked out of voting Republican. It needs to be talked out of not voting at all. The recent polls bear this out, showing that the people who have been turned off to the Democrats in recent months now say that in a do-over, they would vote for third parties or not at all.

People need a reason to be excited by politics, and not just disgusted with the other side. Until the Democrats figure that out, these improbable losses will keep piling up.

0 notes

dreammutual-remade · 6 years

Text

mua!you and lucas

request: hi may you please do a bullet point scenario about lucas and his girlfriend who is a make up artist for nct. thank youu- anon

word count: 3.4k

a/n: anon !!! thank u for requesting I lowkey struggled with this concept bc I was like uhhh how r they gonna u know,,, do the affection but once I figured it out this was so fun to write !!! I love Lucas hehehehehe. also I realized when I was picKINg this gif that I forgot to include the filming of the yearbook shiygeidfhvf pretend it didn't happeN okay

ps I have 8 requests as of now and I promise I will get to all of them pls have patience w/ me ily all <33333

good evening, Thots

let us dive in, shall we

alright so you had been doing makeup since you were a wee lass !!

of course it was , pretty terrible but like practice makes perfect and now you’re an absolute LEGEND

one of your friends convinced you to start posting tutorials and have an instagram acc dedicated to your Iconic Looks and the rest was history !!!!

you started getting hella attention everyone loved you bitch !!!

so you started advertising you were like ayy if y’all need your makeup done , hmu i am Skilled

at first you started out doing other gals makeup for formal dances and whatnot

then you climbed your way up the celebrity ladder and now you’re a god damn nct makeup artist ?????

things you did: THAT

alright so you got hired just in time for cherry bomb promotions

you took a look at some of their past looks and ,,,,, you were horrified honestly who did that to them

SM CAN GET FUCKED

anyways you Turned Their Shit Around and had them lookin bout fine as hell

all the boys had been super awkward around you at first and it was soooo funny

because you were pretty used to being v close to people you don’t know well

from all the years of doing other people’s makeup now you just go right in

you got real close to mark and he squeaked and like pressed himself back into the chair

like ? shouldn’t he be used to this by now ???

johnny was the only one who was cool with you the first time even if he was an absolute SLEAZEBAG

“sorry if i get all up in your face i’m just trying to keep your eyebrows FLEEKY U KNO WHAT IM SAYIN”

“nah i don’t mind having a face like yours that close ;)))))”

“oops didn’t mean to bump into your knee like that”

“that’s okay my lap is always open for u :}”

he’s the worst god i love him

you’re on the younger side too so he’s all,

c̢̖̲̹̞̰̪ͅa̫͠l̶̜̞l̠̝͇͠ ̪̙͕̲̫̯m̙̪͖e̱͙̦̳̦̝͢ ͕̼̳̰̞o̹p҉͖̘͙͍̞̲p͍̙͙͙̹̖͞a҉̠͓̠̜͕

and you’re all

taeyong asks how old you are and as soon as he finds out you’re younger than him he becomes your mom

you’ll be doing his makeup and he’s like okay but have u eaten today ??? you look too thin please eat

“one: stop moviNG IM TRYING TO CONTOUR YOU and two: please are u my damn grandmother i’m FINE i’ve eaten plenty :&&;&,$,”

you and haechan just roast each other the whole time

“yet another pimple i see, hyuckie, have you been keeping up with the skincare regimen i sent you home with?”

“first of all, fuck you, second of all, you sent me home with a piece of paper that said ‘you can wash your face to get rid of the acne but there’s nothing you can do about the ugly’ you evil WITCH”

but it’s all in good fun and you and hyuck are besties at heart and can tell when it’s not a good day for teasing

whenever you can tell he’s down you make sure to be extra playful when you’re putting on his makeup, tapping him on the nose or tickling his ear with your makeup brush til he giggles

i’m soft gOD

THIS ISNT A DONGHYUCK FIC I GOTTA CHILL

the rest are pretty cool with you too!! yuta is a worse flirt than johnny though it’s like unnecessary but it’s funny and you know he’s , mostly kidding, so you let it slide

anyways !!! cherry bomb is coming to a close and you did That the entire time you had them absolutely GLOWING

but then you get some emails from your boss talking about a new NCT U song/concept that will be filmed toward the end of the year

((i think that’s when it was filmed ?? i’m so sorry if there’s inaccuracies in here i’m very bad with dates :’-)))))))

they tell you you’re traveling to the UKRAINE

THATS FAR

and VERY COLD

they also tell you that they’re gonna be debuting two new members in this unit and you’re a little Nervous since you’ve only been doing 127’s and Dream’s makeup for the past like , half a year

(u were responsible for the we young era,,,,, god bless u)

but you’re also excited because they described the concept to you and you’ve already got ideas to make everyone look Hot and Badass

your boss sent some predebut pics and said the new ones were Yukhei and Jungwoo and, wOW THEYRE PRETTY

jungwoo looks absolutely soft and squishy so you’re a bit worried about making him look ,,,,, BOSS but yukhei.

is a whOLE MAN

he’s got big eyes and lips that give him softer features but , the look in his eyes and like his cheekbones and ????? wow you’re gonna turn him into Daddy Material

anywhom

the time has come and we are on our way to the ukraine !!! yeehaw it’s cold as balls out here

you arrive and get to stay in the hotel for a night before you gotta Get To Work

you arrive bright and early with all your beauty products

you , as the resident makeup artist, look cute as hell even if you are rather cold

your nose is tinted a bit red even tho you have foundation on rip

you set up your little station in the main tent because they’re gonna film all the outdoor parts first

jaehyun walks in first with winwin and they he looks scruffy af

“jaehyun you DOLT did you not shave ??? you know that tickles my hand when i’m trying to make you hot”

“i’m already hot”

“uh huh go shave your face i guarantee you don’t want me to try”

“ugh, yes ma’am”

“hey winwinie~”

“good morning !!!”

winwin is Precious and Easy To Work With as usual

mark comes in next and he’s flustered and cute AS USUAL

of course he’s comfy with you now but you enjoy making him flustered

“mark, baby, you’re GLOWING today!!! go off king”

“y/N PLEASE ENOUGH”

doyoung comes next and his Flawless Skin makes the process so much easier for you ugh

reLEASE THE SKINCARE ROUTINE

COWARDS

anywhom you get to meet jungwoo next !!!

FUCKIN UWU

his blue hair ,,,,,,,, amazing

he’s so sweet and releases little breathy giggles every once in a while when the brushes tickle him

you’re finishing up with jungwoo when, the Man Himself literally stumbles into the tent

“hyUNG are you almost done we’re bout to film man”

and he is absolutely Large and you are , very appreciative god damn

even barefaced this man baby looks GOOD that is not fair :-(

“lucas!~ you still have to get your makeup done but i think y/n was almost finished. are you?”

jungwoo turns to look up at you while he asked and you, have to exercise GREAT restraint not to talk to him in a baby voice

so you just nod and then give him a once over and tell him he can go ahead to wardrobe

you wave yukhei over and you’re like hey uh ,,, yukhei? or should i call u lucas ?!/!:&:&

he cackles and asks you to call him lucas and asks your name and how old you are and what your star sign is and your favorite color and your nct bias

(when you tell him you love them all equally he’s all like Not For Long

>:-))) soon i shall PREVAIL)

basically he’s questioning you and you’re like oKAY PLEASE IM TRYING TO MAKE YOUR FACE BEAUTIFUL

“my face is already beautiful thank u very MUCH”

“you boys are all the same jaehyun already pulled that shit today, LAME”

he pouts and you tap him on the lip with the handle of your makeup brush and then Get To Work

you truly have him lookin RIGHT wooo shit he looks good

and as you’re doing it your brain is like that clip from sponge bob where squidward is like oh NO he’s hot !!!! :(

you’re doing his eye makeup and you’re standing, in between his legs like they’re so long and in the way it’s the only way to get close enough to to do it well and you’re highkey, Blushing

he’s literally just staring up at you while you do his makeup and your hands are starting to shake what business does he have with such big brown puppy dog eyes :((((

“hey quit staRINg at me dude”

“ am i making u,,,, nervous ;)”

“, YES pls stop :((“

“aw i’m srry :((((“

pouts AGAIN and you shove his shoulder a little for making fun of you

when you finish you just kind of nod and he takes that as a go ahead and like SPRINGS up

and you’re standing very close so he almost knocks you the hell over

you tip backwards and he grabs you by the waist to steady you while you basically grab handfuls of his clothes to keep you upright

there’s a pause where you guys are just.. pressed together before you fly apart and lucas awkwardly rubs the back of his neck like nervous boys do in movies AW

“i really gotta stop knocking people over i almost took oUT jungwoo earlier srry abt that :’-))))))”

you’re like haha it’s fine :’-))))))))))))))

it’s really awkward so he yeets out of there just as taeyong strolls in looking entirely too smug

“so, you’ve taken a liking to our newest member hmmmm ??”

“aw no jungwoo is just so cute !!”

“quit playing dumb you knew what i meant”

“okaY but literally nothing happened please don’t make this a big deal”

“it’s a big deal bbg it’s tOO LATE NOW”

you sigh and then do his makeup pretty quickly since even barefaced he looks unreal

fckin anime character

okay everyone is now made up and dressed (jaehyun came last freshly shaven , looking like a bar of soap as usual) and you’re on standby outside to fix any little blemishes they may get while filming

everything is pretty good because most of the boys are used to wearing makeup but lucas is Dumb and just like ?? rubs at his eye and wipes half of it off ????

you sCREECH as he’s doing it and he jumps and is like ??? what is it what’s wrong with you

“what’s wrong with me ??? wHATS WRONG WITH YOU I WORKED HARD TO MAKE YOU LOOK THAT ETHEREAL DAMNIT”

you have to fix it on the spot so y’all can stay on schedule so he does that thing where he stands with his legs super far apart so his face is level with yours

his legs are so far apart in order for him to be short enough rip (.... literally. pray for his pants u guys)

you fix up his eye and warm him that you’ll give him a black eye with your fist instead of makeup if he messes up your Artwork again

the shoot goes really well and you get to know lucas and jungwoo better throughout the rest of the filming

things are…. tense between you and lucas but not in like a bad way more like a we are both sort of attracted to each other and unsure what to do from here way

lucas gets braver as time passes and has become wayyyyy more flirty

the tension just sort of transforms to hardcore flirting and little fleeting touches jskdkfk

you havent stopped blushing for like 4 days straight

as you do his makeup he’ll stare up at you with fckn awestruck eyes and one of his hands will drift up to circle around your wrist as you tilt his head this way and that

its a GIANT hand too I just wanna mention that they're very nice hands thank you for your time

as you do his makeup you’ll purposefully let your hand linger on his neck and use your thumb to caress turn his jaw

when you stand between his legs to do his makeup he’ll scoot to the edge of the chair to get as Close As Possible until your hips are almost touching the inside of his thighs ???:$&:&:@:@

SPICY

but eventually the shoot is over :(((( rip

buT no worries ;))))) black on black is being filmed in like a month and you’ll see his goofy ass soon heheh

highkey black on black makes u , Hot And Bothered like the part where lucas is on the floor and doing thaT THING

YALL KNOW WHAT IM TALKIN ABOUT

he highkey gets up and is like

did u like that babygirl ~~~ 😤😘💕🤪😩

and you just stick your tongue out at him and he sticks his tongue out at you and it’s Juvenile

“JUST MAKE OUT ALREADY!!!!”- johnny, from across the room

you: Red

lucas: wheezing

you guys pull all the same touchy flirty bullshit for this MV filming too and all the boys are like o.o

“hyung are u dating our makeup artist(¬‿¬) ” -chenle

“god i wish”

“what”

“i mean , no”

and now BOSS has been released and you’ve gotta do his makeup for all these stages and you two just , keep dancing around each other

when the boys get their first win for BOSS tho lucas is sO HYPE

because it’s his first time really performing live and they WON AND ???? THIS IS CRAZY

and he’s so happy he’s like shaking and he bursts into the dressing room after they all come off stage

he makes it there before everyone else because he RAN like a dork

you’re packing up all your stuff and hear the door open and you turn around to congratulate the boys but it’s just lucas and he runs in and pICKS YOU UP

he spins you around and sets you down and is like

JSDKSJDK Y/N WE WON ????

and you’re like

OMG YEAH I KNOW IM SO PROUD OF U ??!:&:@.

and then he just kisses you right on the lips in excitement

it’s just a press of lips and it was barely a kiss since he was still smiling so hard

his smile fades after and he looks , terrified

you also are terrified because ?

he’s Done It Now

the imaginary LINE has been CROSSED

but like, the barrier is broken now right ????

yolo

so you just shake your head and flick him on the nose

“damn you could have taken me to dinner first”

he laughs nervously because you haven’t made it clear whether or not you’re going to murder him and, That’s Scary

but you giggle and press up on your toes to kiss him more gently and tell him it’s okay and you like him and if he likes you back that would be GREAT

and he just smooshes you against him really hard and presses at least 26 kisses to your cheeks and it tickles and you’re like heY STOP THE LIPSTICK I PUT ON YOU WILL STAIN ME

“i like u too,, HEHEHHE”

“god you had to ruin it by cackling like the wicked witch of the west didn’t you???”

“absolutely, sweetheart :)”

okay the rest of nct u is on the way so you quickly agree that this should be a Semi Secret relationship because he’s so new to the scene and he’s probably not even allowed to date rn lol

but he INSISTS that he can treat you well no matter what and who are you to stop him honestly

he’s so blatant with the touching while you do his makeup now though that although you haven’t explicitly told anyone ,,, all the members of NCT know

he just loops his arms around your hips and pulls you close and blatantly admires you while you’re concentrated on his makeup

squeezes your ass every once in a while which makes you squeak and slap his shoulder

that little SHIT

one time taeil caught you sneaking in some food for lucas during dance practice and was like

“honestly just come in we all know you’re in a relationship gOD it’s so obvious”

so now you come to dance practice all the time with food for him and extra for the other boys

he’s always jealous

literally all the time

you’ll be doing marks makeup and hyping him up as usual

(baby bOY DESERVES IT)

and lucas will be :(((((( y don’t u say that stuff to me

“i literally say that and more to you and about you”

“okay but why not only me :(((((“

“oh my god”

or when you bring food he’ll be like NO she brought this for me go away you commoners !!!!!

honestly you feel like you’re taking care of a toddler sometimes except he’s HUGE

you have to be like

“now lucas, sharing is caring and i brought enough for everyone stop being gREEDY”

any free time he has he comes to your apartment

mainly because you guys want to be mushy and coupley and not have to listen to all the members whining and fake gagging

he’ll knock on your door at midnight with a blanket in hand and fresh out of the shower and looking CUTE

“can i sleep over :(((( i cant sleep without you:((((((“

BITCH

your heart melts oh my shosjdjdjckf

and this boy basically can’t sleep without you now because he sleeps over so much im emo

at first he insists on being the big spoon every time but after awhile Sleepy Baby Boy Lucas reveals himself

when he’s super tired he’ll just let himself in and climb in your bed and plant his head on your chest and his arms around your waist and just sigh contentedly

if he can’t sleep he’ll steal your hand and place it on top of his head and nudge you til you start running your fingers through his hair and scratching his scalp

uwu this is so cute

loves to hold your hands whenever possible

you guys can’t really go on dates since the relationship is Super Secret and he wants so bad to show you off but he CANT :/

so he just pretends y’all are out on the town and holds your hand at home when you’re just chillin

has taken to putting things you need in very high places so he can come up behind you and reach over your head to hand it to you

okay but like once in a while you both do your best to have a Normal Date where you go out doors you just have to be

Incognito Mode

so summer dates dont really work out since it’s hard to hide your identity when you’re not covered head to toe because it’s HOT

they’re mainly winter dates like ice skating and hot chocolate and fall festival stuff !!!!

he insists that you go to any festival in town like INSISTS

festival for a random and obscure flower?? you best believe you’re attending and going home covered flowers

he tried to make you a flower crown but it kept falling apart so he just stuck flowers all up in your hair AWE

forced you to pose so he could take pictures of you

(he made it his lock screen !!!! uwu)

this boy just, loves you so much and the day he tells you is when you’re both sick and dying because he got a cold and then gave it to you so you’re both laying in bed feeling Terrible

you’re laying there and feeling lightheaded and too hot but you’re both Clingy so you still hold hands at least lmao

and lucas tugs on your hand and you flop on your side to look at him expectantly

“yes, lucas?”

“hey”

“guess what”

“hmmmmm what”

“i love you”

“oh, me too”

“like you love me too or you love you too”

“U2 is alright i guess”

“no i mean do you love me or yourself”

“both”

“sweet, self love is important too”

and theN YOU TERRIBLE PEOPLE PASS OUT HEHSHS

WHO CONFESSES THEIR LOVE LIKE THAT ????

when you wake up you feel slightly better and look over and see Your Man sprawled out over the bed with one arm haphazardly thrown over you

he rlly can’t sleep without a hand on you that is so so cute fuckdjkdjd

you remember confessing your love to each other in a delirious and feverish haze and snicker because it was RIDICULOUS

you gently turn to face him so you don’t wake him up and trail your fingertips up his arms to trace his features

his eyes flutter open and he’s literally unreal like he looks like an angel

and he smiles all sleepy like and brings his hand up to capture your wrist and kiss your palm

“good morning i’m no longer fucked up on theraflu and i love you”

“good morning i’m also no longer fucked up and i love you MORE”

he scoffs dramatically

“not possible !!!!!”

“is too !!!”

“is nOT”

“IS TOO”

“IS NOT”

and so on :-)

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