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#yes I am putting Mind and Soul through the guilt blender again
randaccidents · 6 months
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Lemme like
Ask about ur Hanahaki cccc au
(I'm being paid to say this with a grand total of nothing on discord)
skfkjsnsdn I hadn't even posted yet kat lmao I make yall too excited.
I don't got much? In the brain? But the summary is that, well.
Heart doesn't remember who these people living in his house are. They are Familiar yet Not. The flowers in his wings tell no secrets, nor do the plucked and pruned branches growing out of his heart. Who are they?
(Mind and Soul are Trying. Heart had hidden the symptoms much too well in Apathy. He was in late-stage hanahaki when they found out, and their only solution had been as surgical as they could manage. Heart doesn't remember them. It doesn't take a genius to know that he loved them and they tore out most of the memories to save him.)
TBH I haven't fully decided on the direction of the au LMAO its literally just this synopsis still. So if anyone wants to ask more and help fill it out I would be down.
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Tear Me Down Part 2 “Now”
(if you want in on the tags, message me or send me an ask, always looking for new people to add to the Army!!!)
Fanfic writer: MaximumKillshot
Warnings: bit of angst in the beginning, depression, descriptions of possession, FLUFFY AS ALL HELL, make out (if that needs a warning?)
Characters: Sam, Dean,Reader, Cas
A/N: Hey everyone its me again! So I just wanted to say that I had a blast writing this… So I did a little something in here, let me know if you guys like it…. It seems a bit out there… even for Supernatural’s standards so just lemme know if you like it or not! Much love…. By the way… There must be a part 3 to this so That may be coming soon, depending on if my classes will allow me the time to provide the ending that I want to give y’all!! ENJOY!!!!  (if you want in on the tags, message me or send me an ask, always looking for new people to add to the Army!!!)
“How is he?” asked Cas.
“He hasn’t left her side. I can’t get him to eat anything, he doesn’t sleep. He just keeps on staring at her…” said Sam as he made a smoothie for Dean. The last three weeks have been that from hell, literally. Ever since Cas cut out the demon you have been in a catatonic state. Just breathing.
“Any news on where she is?” Asked Sam. Dean would kill him for it but usually when someone is catatonic for this long, it means that they will never wake up. So Sam has had Cas go out and look for your soul, at least if you were in heaven, that would be some type of comfort to his brother.
“No, I checked Heaven, Hell, I checked with all of the reapers, I even got in contact with the angel who watches over purgatory, no sign of her.” Said Cas in reply. Sam looked discouraged and Cas continued “That is a good thing, that means that she is still in there”.
Sam just nodded and knocked on the door to your room “Dean?” said Sam as he slowly opened the door. Dean was sitting there, the same place that he’s been ever since he stepped into this room after the incident. Dean couldn’t help it. He believed that it was all his fault. He was the one that caved and let you go on the hunt with them, he didn’t watch carefully enough. Dean looked at Sam weakly, then he saw what Sam had in his hand and said “I’m not eating Sam, I’m not hungry”.
“DEAN where are you going?! It’s going to kill me! Don’t turn your back on me Dean! DEAN!” yelled y/n as Dean was ushered out of the dungeon “I LOVED YOU!! AND YOU FAILED ME! NOW I’M GOING TO ROT IN HELL BECAUSE OF YOU” she screamed.
“I’ll get it out Dean but you can’t be here” said Cas as he grabbed his angel blade.
“Tell me that’s not her saying that Cas” said Dean as he looked through the doorway at your body strapped to a chair with blood dripping from your mouth.
“It’s not her Dean, I know that for a fact, but right now she needs some help that only I can provide. Go upstairs and put on music, so loud that you can’t hear anything” said Cas.
“Why?” said Dean, why was he so specific?
“She’s going to scream, loudly” said Cas as he walked back into the dungeon.
“Cas… get it out… at all costs ok?” y/n said with tears in her eyes.
“This is going to hurt, but I’ll be with you the whole time” said Cas as he closed the cast iron door, leaving Dean to hear screams that he’s only heard in hell.
Sam’s voice cut through the fog of that memory “That’s why I made the smoothie, just sip on it Dean. You have to be strong man, I don’t wanna lose you both” said Sam as he looked at his brother sheepishly. Secretly Sam cried to sleep every night. He hears his brother praying and begging for God to bring you back to him. Dean’s screams wake Sam up at night. He misses your laugh, your company, he just misses you. He also knows that this is way harder on his brother because of the fact that Dean blames himself for everything, especially things that he can’t control.
Originally posted by roseinruins
“Thanks Sammy” said Dean as he grabbed the smoothie. Even that made him want to puke because he was so sick with guilt and worry. “I didn’t protect her Sammy, that demon slipped through the cracks, I didn’t …couldn’t save her” said Dean as his eyes began to well up again and, for the first time, Sam sat on the floor with his brother. He knew that Dean would be ready to talk about it when he just says it… There was no use in pushing the issue until he was ready.
“Dean, no one could have known that she was possessed. You couldn’t protect her, neither could I, or Cas, hell not even Crowley could’ve protected her… She knows that” said Sam. Dean just let his tears fall as he continued “We did save her though, we saved her soul, she would’ve been consumed Dean, you didn’t fail her… we didn’t fail her”
Cas then walked into the room,  “ How is she?” he asked.
Dean then quickly wiped away some tears and said “no change” as he set the smoothie down on the nightstand.
“You’ve gotta take care of yourself Dean, you won’t survive like this” said Cas
“What if I don’t want to without her?” said Dean as he stared at you blankly. Dean then grabbed your hand and continued “I didn’t get to tell her…. I didn’t get to…”. Then he felt a pressure surround his hand. His eyes shot open and stared at his hand now being firmly squeezed by yours. When he looked at your face your eyes had just remotely fluttered open “De-Dean?” you breathed.
Dean’s face lit up as he hovered over you “Hey y/n hey… Take it easy kid” he said pushing some stray hairs out of your face, tears welling up at the fact that he heard your voice again.
Sam and Cas were shocked when you opened your eyes and in no time Cas was at the foot of the bed bed looking you over.
“Hey, you gave us a scare, how do you feel? Anything different?” asked Cas
“Right now I feel like I got hit by a 18 wheeler and then thrown into a blender” you said chuckling as you continued “Is it gone? Did you get it out Cas?” you said with concern.
“Yes it’s gone, you did a great job at fighting it too! Your soul is tough, which doesn’t surprise me, do you mind if I have a closer look?” asked Cas as he moved to where Dean was. You nodded and Dean stepped back. Cas then ran his hands over you, you felt the familiar calm and warming tingle that was Cas’ grace. Cas stopped at your chest and the tingling got more intense.
“This is impossible” said Cas as he ran through you again with grace.
“What is it Cas? What’s wrong?” said Dean worried at what he had just heard.
“You can’t have that unless…. What do you remember?” Asked Cas
“Nothing really, Dean walking out, you carving into me…. I died” you said it with an odd calm.
“What happened when you died?” said Cas as he stared into your chest.
“I went up to heaven, I saw Bobby, Gabriel, Michael, God” you said. As you said that last one Cas covered his eyes as if something had blinded him.
“What’s going on Cas?” asked Dean now legitimately worried.
“Her soul, it’s not human anymore” said Cas as he turned away, blinking rapidly.
“What do you mean it’s not human anymore?” retorted Dean.
“Her soul is imbued with grace… it’s blinding ” said Cas.
“So what are you saying Cas?” asked Dean.
“I’m saying that y/n must’ve never once lost faith in God during all of this…..” Said Cas as he looked to you and then to Dean. Dean knew he was holding something back.
“OUT WITH IT CAS” yelled Dean
“SHE’S  HALF ANGEL DEAN!” screamed Cas “ That would explain why I didn’t see her in Heaven” said Cas now addressing Sam. “I was looking for a human soul, not an angel”.
While all of this is happening you heard voices in your head; one of them more pronounced than the rest, Relax, Castiel will help you.
“Why is everyone talking at once?” you said out loud grabbing your head.
Cas walked over to you and said “Look at me, ground yourself here. You are with Dean, Sam, and myself, focus on that..” as you did that the volume started to go down “Imagine yourself getting farther from the voices, like they are out of your reach” after that the voices went away and you got tired.
“Why am I so drained? What’s happening Cas?” you said, scared for a completely different reason.
“You’re drained because it takes some energy to block the voices out. You’ll learn… I’ll teach you” said Cas with a smile. Then he turned to Dean and Sam “Can I talk to you guys quickly… in private”
All three of them walked out of the room and you laid there wondering what the next move would be.
“How is this possible?” asked Dean.
“I don’t know… Angels with that much grace are created that way, not added onto a soul that converts into an angel when they die…” said Cas
“What if she was born an Angel?” said Sam
“That’s ridiculous” said Dean “Sammy, she wouldn’t have died if she was an angel all along”
“No Dean I’m saying what if that was her destiny, to be attacked and torn to shreds, to unlock that potential” said Sam.
“I wouldn’t put it past father to do that, I mean… look at what he did to Jesus” said Castiel, “this is a blessing, I know it” continued Cas as Dean looked at him with an annoyed face.
“OKay well regardless, she’s back.. And that’s what matters” said Dean as he walked to the kitchen.
“Where are you going Dean?” said Sam
“No where, I’m making y/n food. She’s been in a coma for three weeks, she’s gotta be hungry.” replied Dean as he got out the burger patties.
Cas then started to hear your voice:
“Cas? Can you help me out? I need a shower and one of the voices said that you could help me, I don’t feel like I can walk on my own yet. I’m not too comfortable with the boys helping me either”, Cas smirked and replied “You’re getting the hang of this telepathy stuff aren’t you y/n?, I’ll be there in a minute”
Cas then started to walk to your room and then Dean said “Hey where do you think you’re going? I still have questions for you”
“Those questions will have to wait, y/n needs help showering, she’s weak and she doesn’t feel comfortable with you guys” said Cas.
“Why? I could help” said Sam almost hurt.
“It’s not that she wouldn’t appreciate it, it’s just that she’s new to this whole, resurrection thing. Add new Angel power and anything would be awkward. She just feels more comfortable because I’m an angel” said Cas as he opened your door. “Hey y/n ready?”
He then grabbed you and took you to the shower room.
“I feel different Cas” you said as Cas got the shower started.
“Anyone would y/n, that’s normal when you’re resurrected” said Cas
“No like.. I feel like something is missing, I can’t explain it. It’s almost like that demon took more than my body, I feel it” you said to Cas confused as he stood you up to undress you.
“That’s because it did… That demon was a very ancient type of demon. When demons needed all of the souls that they could get, they would latch onto the soul. If the demon would ever try to be forcefully exorcised, it would eat the soul of the human for energy to stay in the body.” said Cas as he finished undressing you and sitting you back down.
“So my soul was eaten?” you replied in a questioning tone.
“Partially” said Cas, “I realized what it was way too late. By the time I realized what we were dealing with, it had already taken a big chunk out of you”
“How much did it take?” you asked
“Two thirds of your soul” said Cas. His face was full of sorrow as if he had failed. You looked at him in the eye and said “Thank you Cas”; Cas looked like he had heard you wrong and you continued “I have one third more of my soul and my life because of you, thank you Castiel”. Cas looked at you and smiled, “you’re welcome”. While you showered Cas told you more about what happens when you’re an angel, the protocols and how to traverse the world as an angel, and much more.
After the shower you felt somewhat normal and almost refreshed, you still couldn’t walk on your own though. When Cas got you back to your room Sam had just finished changing the sheets and pillowcases for you. You thanked Sam and all he said was that hearing your voice was the only thanks he’ll ever need. You had no idea how much these guys loved you until the moment that you woke up. The look on their faces, on Dean’s face. It was of pure joy and happiness.
A few minutes later Dean had entered the room with a double cheeseburger, fries, and beer for you.
“What is all of this Dean?” you said smiling at the surprise.
“Well when you are knocked out for three weeks, you’ve gotta be hungry so I thought I’d make you a burger and fries” said Dean.
You were very grateful and accepted the food without hesitation, as you were eating you noticed that Dean was just sitting on your bed, watching you eat. “Where’s your food Dean?” you asked
“Oh I’m fine Princess, I just drank the smoothie that Sammy made” said Dean, and you continued eating. “So… how much do you remember?” asked Dean
“A good amount, I remember the demon screaming those awful things to you as you left the dungeon…” you said, knowing what he was talking about.
“It wasn’t you, I know that but…” said Dean. You then heard in your head “It still sounded like you and I can’t even say how horrible that made me feel verbally, hopefully you can hear this… If not then oh well.”
“I heard you, and I want you to know that I was actually screaming at you from inside my body that I knew that you were doing that to help me. I knew that you were never turning your back on me. I fought as hard as I could to tell you that” you said looking at his eyes welling up with tears. “Now please help me eat my fries” you said, knowing that Dean didn’t eat anything.
The next few weeks went by fast, in between learning how to control your powers and getting back into hunting condition you were busy to say the least. You’d still have nightmares of the incident, every time Dean would wake you, let you know that it’s a dream and you’d drift back into sleep. There were some nights when Sam, Dean, or Cas would have to stay with you in bed. Not one of them complained. They were happy to have you back.
Eventually a new case came up and you went with the boys to do the job, and it went smoothly. When you and the boys were at the bar Dean was back to himself again, picking up some hot chick at the bar. It stung, but nothing that a good whiskey can’t cover, usually. This was different, maybe it was the whole dying thing, but you weren’t going to stand by and watch a guy that you’ve had feelings for years now chat up a girl that he’s just going to sleep with and then come back to the bunker and flirt with you all over again.You downed the shot and then told Sam that you wanted to be dropped off at the Bunker. You hadn’t gotten used to teleporting and well, you would probably be too drunk to land in the bunker anyway. Sam grabbed the keys from the clearly preoccupied Dean and got in the car with you.
“He’s a dick” said Sam
“Who?” you said, feigning ignorance
“My brother, I know what’s going on, and you’re not wrong. You’d think that it’d be a wake up call for him” said Sam. He then continued “You are like a sister to me y/n, which is why I’d usually tell you to only touch my brother with a ten foot pole because he has the emotional capacity of a gnat.” You both started laughing.
“Why did you say usually tell me? What’s different?” you asked.
“You” said Sam and you looked confused so he continued “I’ve never seen Deen like that… Not even after our dad died… He lost all will to live y/n. I know that you don’t remember because you were incapacitated but he looked like a man with nothing left… That’s not just friendship there… no matter how badly he wants to ignore it and wish it away for your safety”
By the time you made it to the bunker you had a lot of food for thought and Sam dropped you off with a smile, saying he would go back to make sure that Dean didn’t get into too much trouble. When you woke up the next morning Dean was already up and Sam had gone out for a quick salt and burn job with Cas.
Originally posted by kendaspntwd
“Morning Princess” said Dean with that patented smile. You just looked at him and said “hey… have fun last night?”
“Not as much as I would’ve had if you’d stayed” said Dean as he sipped from his coffee.
“You seemed preoccupied so I didn’t see a need to sit there and watch” you said in a semi cold and annoyed tone. You had to know how he felt.
“What are you talking about y/n?” said Dean in a slightly annoyed tone.
“The girl that you were chatting up yesterday, you know hands all over her and all of that… You know what I don’t even know why I care. It’s not like you even like me more than a friend that you can get flirty with” you said, letting the emotions crash like a tidal wave over you.
“Don’t do that y/n… It doesn’t look good on you” said Dean. That just made you more pissed
“Don’t do what Dean?! Say the Truth? Be honest?” you said and then he cut you off.
“No, don’t assume what I feel or who I like” said Dean now walking around the counter to confront you. You started to walk away and he said “What if I do like you more than a friend?”
“I don’t believe you” you said and he replied to  you with “What do you want me to do?” said Dean . You stopped right next to the wall “Prove it”
“How?”
“Just prove it”
Originally posted by perfectfeelings
“Want me to prove it? Fine” said Dean as he strode towards you and picked you up, slammed you against the wall and he gave you the deepest and hottest kiss that you’ve ever felt in your life. The way that he grabbed you was as if you were his air, his food, his water, without you there is no him.
“Convinced?” said Dean, with you still in his arms.
“You’re gonna have to do better than that Winchester” you replied.
“I thought you’d never ask” said Dean. Then he kissed you again, slower, more passionately, clearly enjoying his actions, he then started to kiss down you neck and stopped to pay special attention to the crook of it. “I’ve wanted you, I need you” said Dean as he buried his face into the side of your neck.
“Then what are you waiting for?” you said breathlessly into his ear. You then felt him take you off of the wall and he carried you into your room.
“I have been waiting so long for this” Said Dean as he gently laid you onto your bed. You couldn’t believe that this was actually happening. You were about to sleep with Dean Winchester.
“Why didn’t you just say something to me” you uttered. You couldn’t help it. The curiosity was killing you.
“I didn’t think that you’d want me” Said Dean as he hovered over you.
“Well you could not have been more wrong” you said with a chuckle as you grabbed the sides of his face.
Originally posted by cutie---kisses
Dean then leaned into you and kissed you. This wasn’t like the others. It had a sense of desperation, like if he didn’t get you as close to him as possible, if he couldn’t show you how much you meant to him, he would die.
You could feel every single ounce of apprehension, tension, fear, all of it poured out of him. You have never seen Dean Winchester this vulnerable, and you don’t think he’s ever been this vulnerable before. Period.
As you are kissing you can feel moisture on your cheek, is…is Dean crying?
“Dean” you say as you grab his cheek again, this time wiping the stray tears “It’s ok… I’m here.. I’m okay”.
Dean just looked at you and said something that you would not believe would ever come out of his mouth “I can’t handle almost losing you. I can’t imagine a life without you.” He then started to pepper kisses on your neck “A life without this… It’s not a life… I tried to shove it away”
“Shove what away Dean?” you said.
“The truth… The honest to God truth” replied Dean.
Now is when your heart started to flutter “what is the truth Dean?”, you said, praying that he is going to say what you think he is going to say.
He then looked at you and said it “That I can’t be without you… That I can’t imagine anyone else in the world that I’d rather be chained to for the rest of my life… I don’t think I love you” your face fell and he picked it back up “I know I love you, you didn’t just take a piece of my heart, you stole the whole damn thing, Princess. And…” he pecked you on the lips “I”, he kissed you again “Don’t want that thing back” he said as he finally landed a gigantic kiss on you.
“I almost wasted all of my time with you…. I intend to make up for every second… starting right” said Dean as he started to lift your shirt over your head “Now”.
Well this fic took a turn! I hope y’all enjoyed! PART THREE WILL BE MADE!!
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Jan 29th, 2017
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