#it might entirely change over time
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Lemme like
Ask about ur Hanahaki cccc au
(I'm being paid to say this with a grand total of nothing on discord)
skfkjsnsdn I hadn't even posted yet kat lmao I make yall too excited.
I don't got much? In the brain? But the summary is that, well.
Heart doesn't remember who these people living in his house are. They are Familiar yet Not. The flowers in his wings tell no secrets, nor do the plucked and pruned branches growing out of his heart. Who are they?
(Mind and Soul are Trying. Heart had hidden the symptoms much too well in Apathy. He was in late-stage hanahaki when they found out, and their only solution had been as surgical as they could manage. Heart doesn't remember them. It doesn't take a genius to know that he loved them and they tore out most of the memories to save him.)
TBH I haven't fully decided on the direction of the au LMAO its literally just this synopsis still. So if anyone wants to ask more and help fill it out I would be down.
#reply#cccc#cccc au#Tangled Wisteria AU#hanahaki#hanahaki disease#cause I KNOW hanahaki is triggering to some folks so#anyways this is just the Beginning Thoughts of the au haha#it might entirely change over time#and yes#yes I am putting Mind and Soul through the guilt blender again#at this rate I should just make Heart my favourite blorbo#chonnys charming chaos compendium
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anyway, i’m leaving for my upstate eclipse trip on friday morning. gonna be about 8-10 hours in the car all by myself. i desperately need entertainment to occupy me during it. can i PLEASE get some music recommendations so i can check it out during the drive
#preferably entire albums !!#but im planning on making a whole playlist so i guess individual songs are fine too BUT PLEASE ALBUMS#just to fill up more time if nothing else 😭😭#literally please drop any recommendation whatsoever i need fucking 10 hours#nvm the return trip which will be another 8-10 hours#You understand my desperation .#im even thinking of maybe audio books but like idk i really cant do them and i cant guarantee i can pay attention while driving#but if i get truly desperate i might turn to that#brot posts#not only is it 8-10 hours alone in the car but its also fucking upstate ny#aka just nothing but the same mountains ovwr and over again#the same fucking road for hundreds of miles#so its not even just the time thats mind numbing. its also the lack of change of scenery#staring at the same damn thing for 10 hours#SO PLEASE GIVE ME RECSSSS
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ok let's catch up quickly
#so i went on a few dates w this guy. long hair beautiful face kinda looked like a girl (good) said yes ma'am when i told him to do smth#(also good) film student great at photography including candids. made a sheath of leather for a sword pin i have . et cetera.#he asked to cuddle and i was like iggg and then i felt Nothing and i was like ohhh yh ok ok yep lesbian#like he meets almost all my criteria but. yeahhh no . also at the end of that date he had some weird takes. anyway broke up w him and told#him actually im p sure im a lesbian (again) and he was like yk thats the second time this has happened to me this week but its ok bc ive#fallen for this girl from berlin. and then we cooked together. anyway . met a beautiful butch lowk in love w her. weve been on (1) date.#have two exams in a few days havent studied enough going to like end it all basically. my research partner kicked me off our research#(expected(it was always skinda sketchy)) which was devastating + it happened in a lidl 15 hours into a journey from bordeaux#to go back to the UK. my friends were kinda busy paying for baguettes but also they heard this whole exchange and are kinda mad at him#my friend of 10+ years is coming over in a few days. my evil ex situationship person that i decided to stay friends w because i kept#insisting they are a good friend and not evil and also extremely beautiful? turns out shockingly enough they were evil. tried to fix them#and then i realised due to their entire friendship group being ppl like me (Every Single One of their friends are ppl they met on dating#apps then led on then dumped and proposed staying friends w) and are collectively extremely attracted to them and not over them they#keep validating the most diabolical shit they say/do to hace a chance w them. they broke up w their ex and the way they keep leading#this poor girl on and making her heartbeeak worse and saying that they want more power over her and want her to beg for them back etc...MY#JAW HAD DROPPED esp bc i didnt even know the ex was in the picture BECAUSE ME AND ONE OF OUR FRIENDS (that they also dated) HAD JUSR SLEPT#NAKED TOGETHER IN THEIR BED W THEM. GIRL. anyway that is the least of the diabolical stuff they said but no we are moving onnn#this was b4 the beautiful butch btw. anyways . i have a mitski concert tmrw i think?? idek anymore#i used to have a crush on this guy very briefly and then it disappeared and then i realised if he fundementally changed everything abt#himself then maybe id like him but ofc i didnt tell him that but i still think abt it sometimes but anyway thats irrelevant now bc 99% sure#even if he did id still not find him attractive (lesbianism). please recommend good overnight moisturisers btw i have super dry skin#right. the friend of 10 yrs. we had a hard convo abt why she essentially bullied me in year 8 and it made me highly bitter but i also love#her and ik things are diff now its been like . Many Years . and shes going to stay a while I HAVE TWO EXAMS I DONT HAVE TIME but i love her#its fine. i think i might just switch into medicine and do the whole become a neurosurgeon thing (which was my plan B) bc plan A is looking#kinda impossible rn. I WANNA TALK MORE ABT WHAT THE EX SITUATIONSHIP PERSON SAID but i wont bc i dont wanna be too mean but also . MY GOD#i had a conversation w a philosopher friend about whether i have a moral responsibility to try to fix them bc unleashing this on society#feels wrong and he said 'probably but...run' so yeah im not talking to them atm. second date w beautiful butch on monday btw IDK WHAT TO#WEAR. she said she likes fems. im just gonna wear the shortest ralph lauren skirt i have w the cute leg warmers and hope 4 the best#its 1:15 AM im abt to drink coffee and start studying bc what the FUCK man. also almost finished watching the boys its very good#one of my best friends is struggling rn it is breaking my heart i want to take the burden from her i miss her very much
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Many people say at a glance, AI looks OK, but it messes up the details. Artists have a field day screenshotting the errors most of the time.
The issue is, we're conditioned to simply scroll. A glance is all we offer, and if it looks fine we don't bother to dig deeper. A layman could never see the myriad of issues with AI-generated art. It's a similar case for writing, really. Most people won't see the problem with AI writing, but any writer will.
The point is - AI is here to stay. Which also means that the creative process is more undervalued than it already is. It means a future generation of creators who won't understand what it means to pour your heart and soul into a creation; to etch a piece of yourself upon canvas; to write the song of your soul into existence.
The masters we study and the stories we analyse - all were crafted with a soul, with a fervent desire, with a dream. No matter how accurate or amazing AI becomes in the future, this I believe - no work of a machine will ever touch the hearts of humans the way a heartfelt poem or painting can. And no AI work will ever break the rules it has been constructed to obey, for that requires a soul and a yearning for something greater; a vision; a work that has yet to manifest.
The art of creating is dead. In AI we have forged unbreakable boundaries - not because we cannot, but because we will eventually forget how to break and rebuild our limits.
We will still aim for the stars, but we will no longer reimagine what the stars could be.
#artificial intelligence#fuck genai#i have let this fester for a really long time and#i just have to let it out#it grieves me not because creatives will be further undervalued like that has always been the damn case#but as an entire race... over time... imagine the impact#that is what is the saddest thing. this won't stop upon your death or mine#it will last for generations. the works that changed our lives might be the last of its kind#writing#art
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what if i gave castor the same eye scar that bruno has. what then
#me like ‘’im not gonna change his design much i just wanna make it match his new backstory more’’: ‘’MORE MARKS!!!!’’#but ohhhh the symbolism ohhhhhhhh your daddy passed down his trauma to you didnt he!!!!!!!!#echoed voice#question is should his eyebrow be cut…. doesnt really make sense#cause he’d get it before evolving and he didnt have the big eyebrows then#they were shorter#ehhhh actually i can make that work#i think whether of not scars carry over in evolution depends on the pokemon#but for the gligar line specifically im thinking castor has no scars on the red parts#bc im imagining that liiiike. when evolving the exoskeleton splits to reveal the red part?#so the legs and the chestplate are the original external shell while the red shell is newer#so the scars would be on the purple bits. not the red#soooo if castor has a belly scar as a gligar it might not be reflected on him as a gliscor#it might be split a bit between the legs and chestplate? but tbh that seems like a hassle to draw so i wont#tbh i cop out with castors scars… want him to have more but i imagine hes a case where you look closer at him#and you see a looooot more scars up close#the ones that are actually drawn are the big ones that left a ton of damage#buuuuut i wanna add more…. but itd be frustrating to draw them every time i think….#oh also back to ‘’inheriting’’ scars from parents (not literally but symbolically) is castor having a chunk of his right ear torn#when his mother lost the entire ear. do you get me…
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Tag drop: Dorian Pavus
#dorian pavus. [ he says we're alike. too much pride. once i would have been overjoyed to hear him say that. now I'm not certain. ]#dorian pavus: ic. [ you find joy in it not shame. it shows. / why be ashamed? power should be respected. not swept under the carpet. ]#dorian pavus: inquiries. [ stop talking like you're waiting for applause. / what? there's no applause? ]#dorian pavus: countenance. [ i'm here to set things right. also? to look dashing. that part's less difficult. ]#dorian pavus: introspection. [ selfish i suppose. not to want to spend my entire life screaming on the inside. ]#dorian pavus: meta. [ you inspired me with your marvelous antics. you’re shaping the world. how could i aspire to do any less? ]#dorian pavus: little notes. [ living a lie. it festers inside you like poison. you have to fight for what’s in your heart. ]#dorian pavus: etc. [ you can't call me pampered. nobody's peeled a grape for me in weeks. ]#dorian pavus: magic. [ don't your spells whisper things to you? what is and could be? music in the mind of strange faraway places? ]#dorian pavus: inquisition. [ we're going to get lost and starve to death. aren't we? a glorious end for the inquisition. ]#dorian pavus: tevinter. [ despite appearances. we care deeply. about everything. we have no reserve. not in war and not in love. ]#dorian pavus: felix. [ even in illness he was the best of us. with him around you knew things could be better. ]#dorian pavus: gereon. [ we used to talk about how we could make real change in the imperium. then he gave up. he stopped trying. ]#dorian pavus: halward. [ i only wanted what was best for you. / no. you wanted the best for you. your fucking legacy. ]#dorian pavus: aquinea. [ her blame was cold and smothering. never spoken but always present. he couldn't face that. not yet. ]#dorian pavus: inquisitor. [ you have too many people asking you for everything under the sun. i won't be one of them. ]#dorian pavus: solas. [ you startled me. you're always so... nondescript. / please speak up. i cannot hear you over your outfit. ]#dorian pavus: varric. [ what do you think sparkler? ten royals says the next thing we run into farts fire. / taken i win either way. ]#dorian pavus: cullen. [ gloat all you like. i have this one. / are you sassing me commander? i didn't know you had it in you. ]#dorian pavus: cassandra. [ blue scarf? why would i be wearing such a thing? / It's a painting. work with me. it'll be fantastic. ]#dorian pavus: cole. [ you say you're handsome all the time. am i? i can't tell. / you're all right. might want to rethink the hats. ]#dorian pavus: vivienne. [ i received a letter the other day dorian. / truly? it's nice to know you have friends. ]#dorian pavus: blackwall. [ point is. you should let yourself off the hook. i know bad men and you're not one. ]#dorian pavus: sera. [ you magic me: i'll put three arrows in your eye. / now we can live together in peace and harmony. ]#dorian pavus: bull. [ no qunari would accept a tevinter mage unless it was a ruse. when should i expect a knife in the back? ]#dorian pavus: corypheus. [ one of yours? / one of mine? like a pet? a giant darkspawn hamster with aspirations of godhood? ]
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this is also why i stopped using my tracked tag for a while tbh
#and i might do it again bc its just#a reminder that no one rly cares abt what i do / who i am etc#which might sound over dramatic idk how else to describe it tho its just hollow#it feels very much like a Chore and a Task and if i dont reblog things fast enough from my tag#people get very angry and/or upset with me even tho theres just#so much content and i have 0 time so everything gets queued no matter what#like this whole experience feels like a chore lmao#and it never ever used to#but now theres so much animosity if i dont behave / interact with things Properly#or whatever the make believe rules are idk#this dash can just be so negative like have we all truly descended into madness during this hiatus#bc like i get it ive been up and down and all around too but ive never been straight up MEAN to anyone in this community#and i never want to either so this entire situation thats been bubbling for months just feels like shit#bc what the fuck changed and how do we get back to where we were#i never ever ever ever felt this way before like idk the middle of last year#but ever since like last fall its just been idk. Bad#once again im sorry if ive ever done anything to upset anyone but my silence / absence doesnt mean i dont care#ive just been Incredibly busy due to some real life changes that are out of my control#i might not have energy to answer everything but i do Read everything and it does make me smile#and i save messages that are kind in my heart so i can be reminded of the root of what this blog is supposed to be#a space for something im very passionate about and previously had nowhere else to express said passion#so like idk if we all like the same things why does this weird feeling of competition linger over us lmao#why do all ccs have to fight???? each other???? when we all love and do the same things????#i have nothing against anyone personally but what i Do take issue with is the way that ive been doing this since 2021 and im fully just#ignored and shoved aside by so many people for reasons i fully dont know or understand#so yeah idk this is a novel i just woke up from a spontaneous nap bc im so exhausted i can only stay awake for 3 hours at a time#but yeah anyways idk !#be nice its so easy !#tbd
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i love seeing all the ways I've influenced people over the time I've known them
#like an offhand comment to a friend of mine changed the entire course of their education and where they might do their Master's degree#or another friend has become way more invested in accessibility partly because i haven't shut up about elevators in several years#it's really interesting to me watching people's development over time be directly influenced by me in ways#it's also neat knowing that all of these wonderful people have changed my life too#i wouldn't have half the opportunities I have now without them#some nice thoughts for the evening ig#(it's 2am. i am procrastinating)#(very much love my friends and my community though. I'm very lucky)
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This is the drinks anecdote in fuller picture: "at the end of the night, she said "I want a drink" and I looked at her and I was yknow awed and I said "a drink drink or- or water?" "a drink drink" and there was nobody else around! it was meant for me! and I could've at that point gone "hey let me get changed and I'll see you" but instead I went (flustered) "ohhh! uh, well, you know, good night" that type of thing. and I missed a chance to have a drink and be a friend instead of an idol worshipper. and it was a missed opportunity I've regretted my whole life that I didn't take the chance and get to be her friend as opposed to an acolyte, a worshipper. we talked after that for years, off and on, often meeting at the theater or something and we were always very nice to each other and she was always very warm, she was lovely to me, but I couldn't step over the threshold of being in awe of her. and we could've been really good friends, I think."
Anon. Anon. Holy shit. You are giving me life. This anecdote is watering my crops and clearing my skin. I need you to know that I re-read this ask an embarrassing amount of times before I finally gathered my wits enough to attempt a response.
I just. Can you imagine. Beatrice Arthur. Telling you 'I want a drink'? Just writing it down is making me lightheaded. what the hell. what the hell. Lynnie Greene you are stronger than me just for the fact you didn't drop dead right then and there.
And her answer oh my god. 'A drink-drink or water'? Lynnie you're killing me I love you girl. Absolutely legendary response. The incarnation of gay panic. I have no words except iconic.
And Bea told her 'a drink-drink'? Like I just. Picture it. You're a young actress with a veneration for this legendary star of theater and television. You get a gig to actually work shoulder-to-shoulder with her (which is already. holy shit.). You're in the dressing room with her and this lady tells you she wants a drink. a drink-drink. you're the only people in the room. she can only be talking to you. Like are you seeing the mental picture i physically cannot be coherent about this. are you kidding.
Anon this is incredible information. Pride month has literally just started and this is already my favourite moment of it. Scratch that -- this is going straight to my year-in-highlights mental gallery. You're the hero of my pride month and I'm forever grateful. Holy shit.
#LYNNIE GREENE YOU ARE ALL OF US#oh anon. oh my god. thank you from the bottom of my heart#if any of you actually meet lynnie greene let her know there's a lesbian on the other side of the world that thinks she's a legend#at a time iconic and completely relatable. personally i *know* the social clue would have flown right over my head#i would have stopped in my tracks three days later like 'WAIT DID SHE MEAN A DRINK WITH ME'#a drink-drink or water. iconic. incredible. lynnie your mind. i want this ask taped to my wall. i might actually tape it to my wall.#i am so sorry for her regret. genuinely!! it's just that the anecdote itself is occupying my entire brain capacity at the moment#wow. i just. wow. beatrice arthur telling her 'i need a drink'. people have killed for much less.#anon i owe you my life. if you have any other information *please* feel free to share it. you are changing my life with this#the golden girls#ask
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Will I be able to convince my mom to watch another cartoon with me?
I've already convinced her to watch Over the Garden Wall (she loved it and now we watch it every summer) and She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (she liked some of it but I don't think she loved it).
#I'm thinking about trying with the Owl House or Gravity Falls#OR maybe Avatar#I think some of my TOP cartoons will be too random for her to like.#and also I can't show her Wordgirl because she doesn't speaks english (just basic) and the dub is ehhh... not complete and also not good#ok KO's dub is good... if it wasn't for K.O's voice. Like everything else os perfect#and wander over yonder... I don't like Wanders voice. It's not bad but I feel it changes his entire personality#might try with steven universe. i think the dub version is not bad#I haven't heard Kid Cosmic dub version it might be nice#ohhh the dragon prince is a good option. I think she'll like it#I mean myom actually likes very random stuff so she might actually like adventure time#I feel she'll love Fionna and Cake though#hilda#I haven't listen to the dub version but I feel it can't be bad#I am not sure if infinity train was ever dubbed but I think she'll really like that#don't know where to find it though#bee and puppycat#it might be too weird for her? Idk#any recommendations?#list tag
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in other news, i think i've finally!!!! planned out and fully decided on my first tattoo and will be scheduling her shortly
#for years i thought my first tattoo would be harry styles related which is wild to think abt now#then i thought i would get something inspired by one of bo burnham's specials bc they were also deeply impactful for me#but i could never come up with an idea honoring either of them that i felt confident about#and then. december of last year. i heard an album that truly changed my life#hypochondriac by brakence is an album i have played from front to back... too many times to count#and it's not a case of 'i wish i could listen to this for the first time again' bc every single song somehow still hits me the same#after an entire year of playing this record over and over again#and to me the tattoo i'm planning not only represents this music i love so so much#but about so many things in my life#bisexuality. handling anxiety. riding the line between the highest highs and lowest lows and finding a middle ground#ugh. i love brakence so much i'm so excited~#and i might get a skyrim tattoo later too hehehe
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Internet archive I love you❤️❤️❤️
#my 14 year old self is crying tears of joy rn#I was able to recover videos of a yt channel that I used to follow as a teen but was closed by the owner from one day to the other#for *years* I thought I'd never see them again (aside very few scattered reuploads)#granted my interests changed and I was occupied with other things#but every once in a while I was wishing I could just watch at least my nr 1 favourite video of them just one more time#but NOW I found out that someone salvaged basically the entire channel and just - put the videos up for downloading?!#it feels so unreal because after all this time I can just watch them again? as often as I want?! and they're mine to keep forever?!! ahhhh#I'm getting unreasonably emotional over this but that channel genuinely meant a lot to me at the time#I still remember that I was on the school bus home when I discovered it was gone#and I swear if I hadn't been in a public setting I'd legit have cried over it. it certainly ruined an otherwise really nice day for me#granted my 14y/o self probably had a bit of a dumb sense of humour (harmless. but dumb. what do you expect from a 14y/o?)#(hence I'm also hesitant to mention the channel name bc I'm not sure if I'm ready to potentially embarrass myself)#but I still feel an odd fondness looking back because I know how much those videos meant to her <3#especially my one favourite video which 1. was the sole reason I discovered one of my favourite tv shows ever#and 2. was probably the spark that really ignited my initial interest in animation and digital arts#bc for the first time I consciously realised that you can actually do cool and fun stuff even as just one single person#and that you don't need an entire animation team to just - express yourself creatively and bring your ideas to life#like I'm not even joking when I say if it wasn't for that channel I might have ended up in an entirely different education/career path#anyway I'm happy. but I'll stop now. oh gods I'm abusing the tags again instead of just writing all that *into* the actual post#internet archive#personal#selnia talks
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Okay ONE more Loki post. I liked Sylvie in s1, genuinely! She was dynamic and interesting, the banter between her and Loki was on point, etc.
But then they toned down the makeup and the hairspray so she's a little less polished and gave her a small life she loves with nice coworkers and a favorite record shop. and I LOVE her
#loki spoilers#i mean yeah i think they should have let her look wrinklier and odder <3#but i can admit i'm the one watching a marvel show#if that's what i want i have come to the wrong place#anyway listen i keep seeing people say she's so selfish and she's not growing#i think that she IS selfish and she IS growing and i LOVE her#yeah it looks like she'll probably get pulled into needing to save the world one more time#(she *might* not but that's another essay i'm not gonna get into)#but i hope so bad that she gets to return to the life she loves after that#loki has been building a life with his friends and that's lovely#but the tva persecuted sylvie her entire life#*loki's friends* did that#and yes they've changed!! yes sylvie is plenty flawed too!!#but a life with them isn't the way forward that she wants#and that's okay#after all#what's so terrible about wanting something?#loki is allowed#and so is she#plus i just. god with cosmic powers who just wants to be allowed a normal life in freedom. without wielding power over anyone.#it GETS to me!!#also if Loki does end up being part of leading the TVA#so that you have one of them learning how to wield power well#and the other learning to give it up#that makes for a two sides of the same coin that i find very satisfying#(granted i for various reasons would prefer burning the TVA to the ground and loki also relinquishing power#but my guess at this point is that they won't go that way with it#which i suppose isn't surprising since it's a good tool to have in their back pocket for the films)#anyway#i love sylvie <3
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some game design thinky thoughts.
#it speaks#da gameplay complaints so weird to me. which i say as someone whose favorite combat was origins.#i mean 1 like i just enjoy a lot of different types of games. including crpg style tactical and including action#and inclulding me style arpg#but fr like people just keep saying over and over 'only three abilities???????????' like bro did u know in dai#that one of the warrior abilities was COMBAT ROLL.#a lot of things like that were previously abiliities and can in real time combat become different kinds of mechanics#and lemme say as someone who never invests in combat roll i spend a lot of time in dai fighting dragons by fruitlessly jumping in the hope#that THIS time i might be able to dodge the incoming attack i can clearly see coming (i can't)#idk like the point is obv if you don't like action-oriented combat whatever but complaining about design changes which actually serve#to make GOOD action-oriented combat is wild to me.#love that it's still rtwp my beloved. love giving commands to followers. love that it's built around synergies and that the wheel actually#tells you things like detonation combos and enemy resistances because i love taking advantage of stuff like that but find often in games#that information is overly obscured or a hassle to discover#and if i in real time action combat had 20 different abilities to choose from while still needing to dodge out of the way and pop off#an attack- that would be at worst overwhelming and distracting and at best feel like more than i need.#and at the same time! the skill tree looks great. best i've seen from da (and iterated from other franchises well imo) and still looks#plenty deep and customizable. way more than me's five little blocks or whatever#and wrt to party control yeah i'll miss it i like it a lot!#but again for this style of combat i literally don't think you need it and that's okay!#the game feeling better for what it is is okay!#even in dai like i have a lot of moments in that game where it's actually more a nuisance than anything else to fully switch control#to use an ability. e.g. i usually spec solas out with spirit magic and i almost always will fully enter the tactical cam just to#tell him to cast a barrier. or a revive. or dispel some demons before they spawn in#like i'm literally already just telling him to use abilities and then i switch back to me. and in that game there are def times where i hav#thought yeah this would actually be smoother if i could just tell him to use it +position it!#i spend the most time party switching in origins esp on higher difficulties but obv the game is most fine tuned for that#and you can play through the entire series as if it were an arpg if you want. that's what i did when i was a kid lmfao#well anyways. that's my two cents! i think it'll be really engaging! from what i've seen the game director isn't talking out of her ass!#vir dirthera
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when i wrote the survey, Sherwood Park was my joke answer that I wasn't expecting anyone to actually vote for... so considering she nearly won the poll, i did a quick skim of the strathcona county site to get the Vibes as i tend to do and my god. I know I have a tendency towards confirmation bias but the fact they refer to their history with terms like potpurri~ and tidbits~ is absolutely confirming my biases hard tonight
#i have a few ideas for hairstyles and i sort of know her fashion#but actually drawing her face and body hasn't happened yet#but her name was pretty easy for me#i am leaning towards marion clover at the moment because uh#marion campbell while funny might lead people to think she's directly related to ralph or something#boab meta#sp notes#there is an entire pie recipe in here guys#hapo rambles#sometimes characters leap fully formed from my head#sometimes they change over time as i improve at drawing#and sometimes i just have to think hard about how to differentiate them from existing characters
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you ever just see a post and just
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#Worst emoji combo ever but it’s gon be such big depression hours down here so scroll if you want im on the brink of throwing up#don’t you just bloody love it how over the past 3 years you’ve only seen people the large total of…. 4 times!!! An average of seeing someon#outside of school 1.3 times per year!! What a bloody fantastic way to spend your teenage years!#Don’t you also just love it when people talk right to you about how they all went out together over the weekend and like did some stupid#shit like your average high schooler would do and you’re just like “oh. I went to my 1 and a half hour long dance class and got ignored the#entire time and when you did try to talk they just spoke over you” oh my fucking god I hate that place so much even the teacher fucking#ignores me once we were going in a circle and she was asking everyone what they got for Christmas and I was in the middle of the circle so#thought hey maybe someone will actually acknowledge my existence but she fucking ignored me and went to next person like why the fuck#And now I’m debating staying in that shithole bc I was invited to a gc for that class and I stupidly thought that someone might want me#There. I wasn’t even invited I secretly scanned the qr code to join over someone else’s shoulder#everyone else there is the best of bloody friends and I’m just there talking to one friend who I don’t even think is my friend#“Hey man I’m really fucking sad rn can I talk to you” “womp womp have you heard stupid fact no.3848594 about my ocs while I ignore you when#you talk about anything else about me” oh my god shut up literally no one else sane would see someone like that their closest friend rn#At least someone wants to talk to me#Like what is it that makes people not want to see my please just tell me I’ll change I’m amazing at changing my personality to fit others#promise me on that I’ve done it my entire life#Even just messaging me more than once every year and I’d consider you my best friend this is how bad I’m getting#What is so bloody bad about me that no one else likes I don’t care how badly you fucking word it just something#It shouldn’t be normal to wish death on people you call your mates bc you heard about them all going out together without you#Oh dear did the gc’s without me in it there’s one for every friend group I’ve ever been in why isn’t there one for the main group I’m in rn#Idfc anymore just tell me what I’m doing wrong I keep asking people if they want to go out or how far away they live from some place#And it’s always met with ignoring me talking over me or immediately changing the subject#Please if you’re someone I know irl what the fuck am I doing fucking wrong I can’t fucking do this anymore be as mean as you like#Why the fuck does no one ever want to be around me why do I hear so much about stuff others are doing together but never me#It shouldn’t be normal to prefer being in a toxic relationship than what I’m in rn#I fucking hate everything
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