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#yes you can perceive me now
doom-dreaming · 3 months
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Cheerful Oblivion
Thought that I was hungry for love… Maybe I was just hungry for blood. **********
I met a woman in a club once. Years ago. Can’t get her out of my head. If I didn’t still have the napkin with her number on it… Well. Would’ve been easy to assume I dreamed the whole thing up.
It was a miserable night to be out. Rain was coming down in buckets, flooding the streets. Could almost hear it over the music, pelting the roof. But there she was. Filling the entire doorway. No coat. No umbrella. Nothing but a black tank top and jeans that looked too tight to be comfortable. Soaked to the bone, dripping wet, faded blue-raspberry-bright hair plastered to her neck. She looked like she’d dragged herself straight out of the ocean. In hindsight, maybe she had.
********** England is only ever gray or green. The girls glitter, Striding glorious and coatless in the rain. I remember falling through these streets, Somewhat out of place, if not for the drunkenness… It makes my chest hurt to think of it, Not of regret, but of missing that… …cheerful oblivion… **********
I remember the way she stood there, caught under spotlight rays of blue and green, the rain on her face sparkling like diamonds… She looked like an angel. Could’ve been. Probably wasn’t. More than likely…something else.
She didn't belong there. In the club. I don’t mean that in a judgmental way. Maybe philosophical. She didn't really seem like she belonged anywhere. But I could see it in her eyes, almost fluorescent blue under the lights. To her, it didn’t matter where she belonged. What mattered was where she wanted to be. And she wanted to be there. In that club. On that night.
I’d never been afraid of being noticed by a beautiful woman. I craved it. Don’t we all? This was different. She was different. Never felt my blood run colder than the second our eyes locked. It felt like being hunted.
********** It was not all pain and pavement slick with rain, And shining under lights from shitty clubs, And doing shitty drugs, And hugging girls that smelled like Britney Spears and…coconuts… **********
She flowed through the crowd like water, parting the proverbial sea, leaving a wake of awestruck stares. If she knew she was the center of attention, she didn’t care. She was a full head taller than anyone else, a titan amongst mere mortals. Muscles rippled when she moved. Wet skin shimmered. I tried not to stare, I really did. Couldn’t help myself. I could’ve watched her for days.
She swept ashore at the bar, smelling like petrichor and oil slicks. Ordered a drink. Smiled down at me, sitting so small a million miles beneath her. There was nothing human about that razor-sharp flash of teeth.
She asked if I wanted another drink. Hadn’t realized I’d finished the one in my hand. I nodded. Couldn’t find my voice. Tab’s on me, she’d said. Not here for long, least I can do. After tonight, you’ll never see me again.
********** And with your mermaid hair and your teeth so sharp, You crawled from the sea to break that sailor’s heart. You only get one night upon the shore, So dance like you’ve never danced before. And the dance floor is filling up with blood, But, oh Lord, you’ve never been so in love… **********
I asked her where she was from. She laughed, a harsh bark of a thing that ripped out of her throat like it hurt. Nowhere. I asked for her name. She didn’t answer. But that animal grin flashed back, a bright white scar across her face. For no reason, I thought about moths. And flames.
We stopped talking. Kept drinking. Started dancing. God, the way she moved. Like a machine. Like a predator. Like a ballerina. Equal parts precision, power, beauty.
I couldn’t keep up. She didn’t seem to care. I was a prop. A plaything. An entertaining little toy, something to keep her distracted. From what, I didn’t know. But it didn’t matter. It felt like an honor.
********** And the mermaids they come once a year, They climb the struts of Brighton Pier, They come to drink, they come to dance, To sacrifice a human heart. And the world is so much wilder than you think. You haven’t seen nothin’ ‘til you seen an English girl drink… **********
I do still see her. Sometimes. In my dreams. In those hazy amber-clad memories. It’s hard to know what was real. Don’t know who she was. Or what she was.
Never did call that number. Not sure she’d really wanted me to. Probably for the best. I get the feeling that if we’d been in that club alone together… She would’ve eaten me alive.
And I think I would've let her.
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msue0027 · 22 days
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Martha Jones - Jesus Christ parallels (never thought i'd write a sentence like this)
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there's the other one who has sent me
For I did not speak on my own, but the Father who sent me commanded me to say all that I have spoken. I know that his command leads to eternal life. So whatever I say is just what the Father has told me to say. (John 12:49-50)
Very truly I tell you, whoever hears my word and believes him who sent me has eternal life and will not be judged but has crossed over from death to life. (John 5:24)
I judge only as I hear, and my judgment is just, for I seek not to please myself but him who sent me. (John 5:30b)
I have much to say in judgment of you. But he who sent me is trustworthy, and what I have heard from him I tell the world. They did not understand that he was telling them about his Father. So Jesus said, “When you have lifted up the Son of Man, then you will know that I am he and that I do nothing on my own but speak just what the Father has taught me. The one who sent me is with me; he has not left me alone, for I always do what pleases him. (John 8:26-29)
[...] for I have come here from God. I have not come on my own; God sent me. (John 8:42b)
etc., and so on...
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selvepnea · 5 months
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Been thinking about my body a lot
#Sel talks#Listened through Fat Talk by Virginia Sole-Smith which talked a lot about how bodies are tools#And the way she talked about how thin-ness shouldn't be something we strive for#And I can't help but draw parallels between my own desire to go on t? I don't know. Been having too many thoughts stewing#I keep coming back to isabeau's line of “maybe it was easier to change into someone I could love than to learn how to love how I was”#And I had drawn both hrt and diet culture back into this; but. Neither of them are from self love?#It's. Idk; a friction? On how you perceive yourself and how the world perceives you?#Or. Idk idk. It's hard to articulate now that I'm trying to get it down#If I remember right; one of the messages of fat talk was how bodies should be for function first and foremost; and should hardly-if ever-#Considered for aesthetic. And yes- trying to loose weight is one of the most damaging aesthetic changes you can do-#Idk! I feel like I'm looking too far into it#Something something you're not happy with how your body looks/is perceived so you want to change it#Whether that's influenced by society; loved ones; or something biological; it's still a desire to change your body#Although one is vastly more accepted than the other#Trying to become thin is trying to make yourself more comfortable in a vastly fatphobic world; to placate the people think they have say#Over your body; make yourself more palettable to the world around you.#Which I guess is an important distinction#Becoming the person you want to be even through everyone telling you that it's wrong or disgusting#But a part of me can't help but think a part of the reason I want to do hrt might have something to do with our male centric society?#I'm too tired to elaborate any further but I feel less busy now that I have it out
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kibibarel · 1 year
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i don’t understand the Alolan VA at all...so Masters wants me to believe that its version of Lusamine is based on the USUM continuity, but now it’s also telling me that her past goal was to “keep the Ultra Beasts for herself” (??? not even her motivation in USUM) and Faba is still Branch Chief somehow instead of an intern...AND they’re seemingly just redoing the Rainbow Rocket arc as if it never happened??? if they do a swerve and tell me she’s not actually based on USUM continuity at all and is in fact an entirely different Lusamine i’m gonna go nut
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kaeyapilled · 9 months
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So with the hangout.. do you think that settles the issue of mistranslation or not of Kaeya and Diluc being brothers?
is it even possible to settle it? i feel like there must be some insane cultural difference between me as a western person and chinese people when it comes to adoptive siblings because, i honestly don't see how the biological son of the guy you consider your adoptive father isn't, by extension, your adoptive brother; how would that relationship not be familial? even when you bring in the "sworn brothers" trope as a means of queercoding, which is a concept ive had explained to me more than once – like, okay? i agree that it's true you can't properly translate/localize that, but. how else did you want them to translate it? even if the word brother was never used once in the eng translation, how do you make it so that kaeya and diluc calling the same guy "father" doesn't imply some uncomfortable things if he and diluc are romantically involved..? but then, who knows, maybe i just don't have enough knowledge about how censorship works in china, how they do queercoding over there, how they deal with adopted relationships, whatever. it's fine. different cultural upbringings, no? it's funny when it's the western side of the fandom discussing this, though. because you'll have these extremely white people arguing with you about the intricacies of chinese BL media. as if either of us knows what the hell we're talking about. anyway, none of this matters in the end because most klc shippers just... like the incest. and the day we stop arguing about mistranslations and simply accept that people either 1) see this relationship in a different light due to their cultural background or 2) are a little bit of a freak online is the day i will finally know peace as a kaeya fan
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steampunk-raven · 4 months
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spider in room but everyone else is asleep so no one can help me :/ panic time i guess lol
#having scary things in my room is fun because i get to play the game of “which phobia am i MORE scared of: being around lifelong phobia of#mine OR the phobia of leaving my room and risking Being Perceived”#right now it’s the second one :/ which is pretty funny given that every else is fucking ASLEEP so there’s your proof that phobias can be#SUPER irrational lmao#but also my arachnophobia isn’t the worst like I’ll avoid places where spiders were near recently but i can still sometimes watch videos of#them sooo. yay for me lol? this isn’t true for other bugs (yes ik spiders aren’t bugs but my phobias don’t) which sucks for me because the#second most scary one is viewed as beautiful by most people and so many people love them. noooooo thank you. number one most scary aren’t#talked about but idk why they’re super common. and terrifying and OUT TO FUCKING GET ME. WHY DO THEY ALWAYS RUN *AT* ME#bugs love me. if i think about their existence too much i will have a panic attack. this is not a good relationship.#except for silk moths specifically. Ive never seen one irl and are still a little scared but i have a dnd character who loves them so same#ALSO BEES. I love bees. Not scared at all beyond like a normal reasonable “don’t fuck with them” kinda thing. bees are great i love bees#most of the stingy ones I’m ok with individually actually. i dislike the massive loud swarms of them but on their own they’re cute lol#(also to the bug and/or spider lovers i am not a kill bugs kinda person if this is worded weirdly that is because I’m having a fucking pani#attack please be nice)
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constantly being reminded that the standard acknowledge-enough formula for getting guard/guardian dogs to stop barking does not work on many other dogs
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dbphantom · 9 months
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fuck it im watching the (other) mermaid magical girl show
<- obsessed with magical boys and girls and merpeople
#no the OTHER other mermaid magical girl show#wait ok i just looked it up on crunchyroll holy shit there's SO MANY i didn't realize this was like fi/nal fan/tasy there's so many...#not all of them have mermaids tho. wadda hell#cruddy rambles#i know this is because as a trans dude i intentionally removed myself from feminine stuff out of fear of being perceived as a girl as a kid#you know ye olde 'i HATE pink stop FORCING pink on me' -> 'actually pink is such a nice color now that im not being forced into it'#so now that i know myself im exploring it like ''hey this stuff actually slaps AND i get to be a dude 'despite' liking it''#i can have my cake and eat it too and if you're mad about it then die mad about it bc im not changing for anyone anymore#rahhhhh rahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh#and im gonna watch it while beating the fuck outta people in skyrim. very much looking forward to it actually.#update:#so i didn't realize this entire show is gonna be about putting on make-up ;-;#episode 1 was uhhhhhhhh. well... they REALLY like lipstick. im happy for them don't get me wrong but this is not for me LOL#makeup gave me serious self image issues sooo i do not feel good watching this even if the message is just 'wear it and be confident'#which like. i probably could've guessed from the name? but tbh i thought it was like... magical girl 'make-up' not LITERAL makeup#happy for everyone who likes it tho! mermaids are awesome and the characters seem great i am just getting ick-ed by the focus makeup has
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pastelpendant · 2 years
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This person followed me and sent this ask within a few minutes of doing so.
I have this setting enabled so I can avoid getting dick pics as someone who gets nauseous when they see genitalia, and guess what the photo is? It’s of this person’s submissive in a vulnerable position w/ their dick out
That is NOT something you send someone in your first message, I don’t care what kind of negotiations you made with your sub to show them off to strangers, but you need the stranger’s consent as well. Not getting consent before sending me this shit just makes me think you’re incapable of respecting boundaries
Not to mention the blog in question mostly posts political takes about how the left are fascists or whatever the fuck else
I’m only not showing their name because I’m still feeling triggered and volatile and if I post their name I’ll probably be really mean
Do not do this to people with photos that aren’t yours to share. That shit is private. Even if it wasn’t I never in any of my content implied I wanted pics from strangers.
Kindly fuck off ❤️
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abyssalpriest · 23 days
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Ahhh I was sitting thinking on Lev's connections to various sun deities and which ones involve him and which don't. They vary between him himself, his sons, him originally now someone else, his archetypes, he uses some names occasionally, he shares other names, some are conceptual Sun Things he's tied to as a sun deity, etc....
But you know. I wasn't expecting to get thrown into a copy of... what is this?? Rig Veda?? On to a page he opened months ago when I tried to open a different file, and now I'm getting schooled on Surya
#Godddd. All the Seven Versus Six stuff is fucking wild. Because that's like. Lev's thing lmfao#The Six That Are Seven. The shatkona is a diagram of 7 points. Seven rays of the Sun. seven horses on the charior#chariot. reading through this part and it keeps saying like ''those who know tell me'' and ''those who have good eyes will know'' and I'm#like yeah. lmfao. I know. This is the Sun King - the king of Six=Seven#But also. Surya AFAIK is just a name he uses. Or I presumed before reading this that yeah that's someone in his lineage or someone#he oversees or knows that's Surya... But now I'm like. We're you once Surya? Don't smile at that#Anyway. I do love how Lev's approaching this with me by just entertaining various configurations of truths that are true when#isolated but not the full picture and then just. reconfiguring them. I need to keep reading but#I mean. I need to keep reading to form an opinion on Surya but all I know is this whole talk on the six and seven like bruh#OK. Well. It's at least your family yeah that's very signature lmfao#Especially getting into ''the seven were created at the same time. Six of these are connected like twins. Although they function#independently they were created at the same time and have the same origin.'' like yeah. I mean. Yeah. They're paired#The shatkona shows they're paired in three groups and it's really really significant to understand that they originated#from the same point that's like Key Gnosis lmfao that the shatkona display of the seven... They're intermingled. They are separate#and they are from the same point. Oh yeah. ''the learned ones use seven different types of thread to create the universe that can#be seen and lived in'' again! Yes! Those With Eyes weave the tapestry created by the seven/six and the reality they create#is the one perceived and lived in because outside of that is the source of the six and the six exist both inside each other and creating#themselves as a whole in - anyway#ramblings //
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nibbles-whispers · 1 month
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so many things to tick off that list.... though I'm sure I won't have to teach you a thing you've been whoring yourself out on here for so long. I wonder if you need someone to teach you how to take nudes though...
i could still use some direction sir, what i do on here is different. That's for everyone. I wanna know how to be the perfect slut for you.
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