#yet again imagining the little fictional people saves me from the tedious boredom of being super anxious

[hihopelessromantics]

Can clever plotting end the Holy War? Sure. But this time the plot’s just, “Meliodas decides to fuck around and find out and drag everyone he can think of into it."

ah yes another drabble that I got too shy to put in the reblogs. this meme format gives me so much joy 

from that reblog chain: Yet another reason why the Demon King ducked up by making his preteen son a war commander. The amount of strategy he displays by doing that is… might I say god awful. He consulted ZERO people on the development of children. Probably freaked out when he saw baby Mel for the first time. Like "STOP SCREAMING I COMMAND YOU TO STOP."  *even louder infant screaming* "YOU CANNOT GET AWAY WITH THIS INSOLENCE!” levels of ignorance. 

The only thing stopping Ten Commandments Meliodas from getting the audacity to kill him sooner was a lack of a support system. This kid saw the slightest hint of hope and went OH YEAH. PEACE. ALL THE WAY LETS GO. and immediately was such a disaster about it that he sent shockwaves through history. Imagine if he had been allowed to properly communicate with his brother and others even once every several weeks. The hijinks TC Mel would get into.

Prompt:

The traumatized teen leader of the Ten Commandments finds a little hope in his own home. Throwing as much caution to the wind as he can possibly afford, he drags his precious little brother around the Demon Realm and the battlefields of Britannia to find a solution to the war that’s fucked up their lives from the beginning. More and more happless souls are yanked into the rebellion as impulsive kid shenanigans ensue. Then Meliodas and Zeldris accidentally open up a litttle too much to their new friends and news of their (and Elizabeth’s!) home life goes viral, roping in the four archangels and the ten commandments who are not fucking stoked to hear what they’ve been left in the dark about. This is the aftermath. In meme format. 

________

Zeldris: I remember last time we got the chance to talk like this you asked me why I always work so hard. And I got too nervous to answer

Meliodas: uh huh

Zeldris: well… the truth is… I have this dream. That one day I’ll be able to make the demon realm a peaceful place. No more reliance on violence to prove our value. Just, just us demons, working to be the best we can be.

Meliodas, feeling a lil bit of his soul revive as his third eye is being pried open with a chainsaw: ‘keep it cool Meliodas don’t be a blubbering weakling in an important moment’    d-damn Zel…that...

Zeldris: I know it’s strange. To imagine a world where we could give up satisfying our vengeance against the goddesses. But it’s doing so, so much more harm than good. I can see it. I know you might not understand why I would be willing to give it up, with what the goddesses have done to us… to you… to mom. You think I haven’t guessed what happened to her, but… unless father killed her… no, that’s not important now. What’s important is how we move forward… if we just… stay stuck like this, then what’s the point of it all?

Meliodas: nah FUCK the war. It’s all pointless BS. Mom knew it too

Zeldris: please don’t - wait what

Meliodas: don’t what?

Zeldris: um. I thought you might be really angry

Meliodas: what, for being stronger than me? Strong enough to hold onto hope even after all this time?? Zel. I’m glad you could share that with me

Zeldris: 🥹

Meliodas: That dream... I would love to make it come true. even if trying to make this place less of a hellhole is a big hassle and doesn’t work out like exactly like we thought, I don’t think I could regret trying. You’ve shown me love can grow here after all... I have a reason to try

Zeldris: Big brother… do you… doyouwanttorulethedemonrealmtogether one day?

Zeldris: I’m the second prince, and I know father expects much less of me. But I’m capable. I’ll be of use right by your side. You’re the heir. The one everyone expects will be king. Fullfilling that... Is that the path you’re dreaming of? Is that what you want to do? 

Meliodas: !    Weeelll. Actually. It never meant anything to me, being the heir. Except more pressure from the Demon King. If there’s gonna be a new Demon King, it should be you. That’s what I think.

Zeldris: Ah. So that’s how you feel... in that case, are you still willing to continue on as a prince at all?

Meliodas: like I’d let you shoulder all this BS all by yourself if I could help it. I trust I’ll... “be of use”? 

Zeldris: No-no-I-that sounds- use? No- I don’t think like that -!

Meliodas: Aw, Zel, your face is all reddddd. Hehe. Always wanted to turn the tables on you like that! Don’t worry. I know it’s because father makes you so unsure, and I unwittingly helped out with that for a while.

Zeldris: Hmph. You just can’t restrain yourself. Don’t make me so anxious when you know I already am!

Meliodas: I’m sorry, I’m sorry. But you know-

Zeldris: Yes, I know. You love me. When do you think we’ll be capable enough?

Meliodas: hm  *remembers a certain silver haired goddess*

Meliodas: Well, that depends…. How much into the realm of crazy are we willing to let this revolution become?

Zeldris: I’ll do anything I have to for our people.

Meliodas: great. great. How good are you at Public Speaking by the way

*some time later*

The demon king: 👁️👄👁️

Assorted people from all five clans, several Induras, a bucketload of dragons and miscellaneous creatures from all over Britannia, Bloody Ellie and some archangels, all of the vampires under a newly crowned queen, and the demon army, including Gowther who somehow broke out of prison and found Glariza along the way:

. . .  you’ve been staring at us for five minutes. That’s gratifying and all but I hope you don’t expect us to explain. Trust me, you don’t want to ask how we all got here. No time for that anyway. We also have questions. So many questions... Questions we prefer you answer before we all kill you. For starters, why are your sons lolis and how the hell are they talking to those CREATURES in the back. Do you see those? Please tell us we’re hallucinating at least some of them. Is that a pig?

Zeldris: rude. Karen has been dragon queen for eons. She knows more languages than I do and probably understands every word you are saying. I’m just doing my best to translate, that is all.

Meliodas: his name is Wild :D isn’t he cute?

Wild: Meliodas-sama why is your father’s face so red? I think he needs a healer.

Ludociel: a pig that speaks? this truly IS hell. Why the fuck did you summon all these untrustworthy creatures from purgatory. Meliodas, I can’t wait to punish your father for bringing you into this world. I can’t believe his mistake is working in our favor right now. MAEL STOP HUGGING THAT THING

Mael, choking on the fluff: this is the best day of my life for so many reasons

Wild: Good to hear, my friend!

Elizabeth, removing her face from the fluff: AMEM. Thank you for having an audience with us, demon king. We have important news. We are ending the Holy War once and for all. Die or die. I'd give you the option of living, but you'd die anyways. Your people are really pissed that you sent your own kids to war and lied to them about it. Whether you live or die, whatever your punishment for prolonging this war will be, that is their call, not mine.

Demon King: FOOLS. DO YOU REALLY INTEND TO KILL ME? when the dust settles here, you will all be dead, and the Holy War will begin anew!

Elizabeth: when the dust settles, I'll be making love to your son on my golden throne, and you'll be a scorned, forgotten memory.

Meliodas: looking forward to it!

Zeldris: I’m gonna kill you brother

Demon King: you mortals cannot POSSIBLY fathom the thoughts of a God. Why I've done the things I've done is beyond you.

Random demon: could say the same for any other child abuser...

Ludociel, shouting at the demon king with equal ire: YOU could not possibly fathom how MUCH I have had to deal with ever since Lady Elizabeth brought that horrible demon and his gaggle of abominations into our camp! I have seen things. Felt things. Even tasted things. That no goddess should ever have to again. (*Meliodas grins evilly*) I don't even care anymore. What is strategy? What’s logic? We ate rocks made by a 5-year-old to get in here safely

Merlin: I'm 12

    (Bloody) Elizabeth to the demon king: touch her and ill torture you to death 

Demon King, trying desperately to figure out why there's a small child here and why Bloody Ellie is being weird about her, she LOOKS FAMILIAR, oh god is this her child, HOW LONG HAVE THOSE TWO BEEN A THING, this isn't their weird fucked up love child is it??: 

I AM GIVING YOU FIVE MINUTES TO LEAVE THIS REALM

Rou, completely ignoring the 200 ft tall giant: oh my God Mel he fell for it!

Ludociel, also completely ignoring him: WHAT??

Meliodas: that was frozen tree blood. And a prank. Your goddess magic is adequate to protect you that's why we had you all cast Saint's Coat

Merlin: Maple Syrup. It’s called maple syrup. And magic potions don't taste nearly that good. I'm shocked you fell for that Ludo. you really are losing it

Gowther: technically, he isn’t wrong. The potion to combat the miasma is partly made from organic material from purgatory. There were some rocks in it. And also bone.

Sariel: when did you go to purgatory??? 

Mael (muffled by Wild's fur): rock is organic?

Zeldris: 84% of native purgatory rock is!! It’s even been linked biologically to a demon’s darkness. It’s fascinating. I read a whole book about it

Sariel: hello??? who took this man to purgatory without saying shit to anyone?? 

Tarmiel: I don’t even know who that is. I can’t remember when he got here

Demon King: YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW YOUR ALLIES?! YOU SNIVELING NAIVE FOOLS! STOP THIS.

Mael: not true, we know who he is!  that’s the boyfriend of the demon I found trapped in a magic circle in the woods, remember? And I was like, I’m kinda having an exestential crisis right now so it could just be me, but if a goddess and a demon can really be friends and being a pacifist is okay actually and everyone was just being a bitch to me for no reason, then fuck it, who cares why the demon king put you in here? I’m setting you free. just promise you won’t wreck anything. make a demon contract with me or whatever and let’s end this cursed war. and she went “yea actually i’m directly an enemy of the demon king. he threw my lover in jail :(” and then me and Elizabeth and that guy over there *Doll Gowther throws up a peace sign* did a jailbreak while you lot were arguing over whether you could trust Mel or not? Remember that guys? 

Ludociel, who did NOT remember, on the verge of fainting:

Mael: Wait did I not tell you ANY of that?!? BROTHER I’M SO SORRY

Doll Gowther: Don’t be. He would not have let you contribute in a substantial way again. 

Ludociel:  I HATE YOU ALL. EVEN YOU ELIZABETH YOUR VIRTUE IS UNSALVAGEABLE

Elizabeth: do I owe you dessert Mel or does him insulting my virtue in this context not count

Meliodas: I’m not actually sure…might have made that bet too vauge

Zeldris (to Merlin): I’m not letting them adopt you. You can be my little sister

Demon King, finally realizing who Merlin is and that he’s not getting out of this unscathed unless he gets serious: THAT’S IT. YOU THINK YOU CAN DEFY ME? BARGE INTO MY REALM UNINVITED TO CHALLENGE ME ONLY TO BANTER AMONGST YOURSELVES? GUESS WHAT. YOU CAN’T. EVEN THE MAGICAL POWER YOU RELY ON SO MUCH COMES FROM ME!

The ground begins to shake violently. Besides the obvious, nothing else happens. 

Demon King: MY COMMANDMENTS. HEAR AND OBEY. END THIS NONSENSE REBELLION. RIGHT NOW! 

The Ten Commandments, permanently scarred from realizing that Meliodas the Destoryer and Zeldris the Executioner were kids this whole goddamn time, and not just weirdly short: ...loooooook...uh...here’s the thing. we’re gonna kill you now and we don’t need your power to do it. We got rid of it already. We have the power of, uh, *checks smudged writing on hands, dilligently inscribed by Elizabeth* ... teamwork

Wild: AND OUR MIGHTY BODIES!

TC: and what ... what the pig said

Mael, extracting himself from Wild’s fluff, noticably buffer than 5 minutes ago: Plus the power of the gods! It’s almost noon :)

Zeldris: Damn, we timed this wrong. You better not destroy the castle

Yeah this has been sitting in my drafts for weeks because I don’t know how to end it. Anyone who wants a part 2 let me know lol