#yotsuyu deserved better I am going to shout about it

[impossible-rat-babies]

4.3 really just scratches the brain both in and out of character brain and I cannot tell which one hates it here more

[thebeauregardbros]

Alus’ feelings towards Zenos (MAJOR stormblood / shadowbringers spoilers!!!)

When I first met him, I thought - “Another Garlean Soldier. When will this warpath of death end?” Another killer. Another warlord. Another war. It feels like it will never end. He wears another helmet. Another faceless murderer. Another mask that just felt like a cruel disregard for allowing us to remember they are human, just like us. All for the fight, all for the bloodshed. All they care about is strength, nothing else. Have they also forgotten they are human?

When I chanced to see his face, I could not help but utter these words; “You... Are so beautiful. ‘Tis such a shame.. .. Your beauty is wasted on such cruel and ugly actions.”

My brother, Arc, lashed at me. He thought I was stupid to even utter such words - Ones not deserving for a murderer, even as a joke. But I never hated my enemies anyway. I always felt regret. I always wished they’d cease for the sake of peace. Now, especially. I felt so sad someone so beautiful would fail to understand what they had in their possession. I tried so hard to be beautiful. Those gorgeous eyes.. I wish I could see them peacefully smile over a cup of tea, at least once. So I told him. “Wouldn’t you rather come and sit and have some tea with me? Zenos.. That’s your name, no? A real life prince..” He could never guess that all I ever wanted to be was a beautiful prince such as he. He probably wouldn’t care if I told him, anyway. Garlean society is so much different than ours. He had no idea what he possessed. Everything I envied, everything I wanted. Wasted. Turned to composted trash and bile. The stench of blood that makes one wish to puke.. Such ugly corruption for such a beautiful man. “Please turn yourself in. I promise I shall visit every day.. What is your favorite kind of tea?”

He wouldn’t listen. War and violence, much rather his cup of tea.

Arc could see my anguish. I didn’t speak of Zenos outside of battle, much. That was what much of our relationship came down to: last second regrets, though oft it was not a problem; I am grateful for Arc being by my side when it really matters, or else I might throw myself upon Zenos’ blade, just to show the villain how much I hated war. How much choice he had. Just to get close enough to him to hug that sad, sad man. To tell him he didn’t need to fight to feel something. That someone almost as strong as he could be so different, without regret. I do not want my brother to see me die. I don’t want my brother to die by his hand, either. I knew what we both had to do. We had to stop him. We had to fight for the thousands that were cheering us on. The patient and self-destructive path to peace was not much an option...

I saw him in a field of flowers for our last battle. I asked him once again to stop. If he were to be executed after turning himself in, at least he would have the chance of redemption in the seven hells - to return to our planet with a new chance at life, one I would do anything to protect. I told him this. I pleaded him.

“Me and you.. We’re the same, aren’t we?” he spoke. “Mine and Thine - We art the same!” I shouted. Zenos smiled. “Two beasts of war.” Tears dripped down my cheeks. “Two with the choice to change.”

It was not a battle to me, only a sad goodbye. He lifted his sword to his neck. I screamed in anguish. I begged him not to slit his own throat. For the first time, he smiled. It was the most beautiful thing I ever saw. But he ignored me once again. He said he wanted to die feeling this feeling of bliss. I could never understand. “Goodbye, my first friend.”

“My enemy.”

-

For the first time, I touched Zenos with my own hands, not in violence. My hands shook as I cradled his still warm body, I desperately tried to heal his wounds - no avail. No matter how much I didn’t want to accept it, he was dead. I didn’t even get the choice to bring him in. I hated this. I couldn’t believe this. Arc put his hand on my shoulder. I violently shrugged it off. I didn’t want to hear his objections right now. ”A tyrant is dead. Brother.. You cannot show yourself like this.” After a moment, I sighed heavily, and wiped the tears from my face. ”I... I know.” I had to smile for the people. I was their hope, after all. I had to stay optimistic. This was.. still a good thing. A good thing overall.. A good thing... I kept repeating it in my head as if to convince myself. Arc was right, wasn’t he?

- Despite it all, I couldn’t sit still. I snuck away as Arc slept.

I personally saw to his burial. I knew the rights. I studied as a thaumaturge for this exact purpose. I was no black mage, only a priest in training, one who had to abandon that life quickly as I realized fighting helped more. A decision I regretted had to exist. I saw to his burial personally. My peers told me to disguise myself as to not arouse the anger from the locals I had just saved. I obliged. But I know the gods would know who I am. I knew they would grant him the smallest of mercy if I prayed hard enough. Hydaelyn might hear me.

-

I found myself at ‘home’ again. The café felt especially empty that day, despite it always being empty. I sat and listened to the tick-tocking of the grandfather clock. The seconds seemed to go by especially slowly. The ticks felt deafening. I picked up my sketchbook and drew a portrait of the beautiful tragic prince. Leaning the book against the heavy vase, at least now I could drink tea with him. Even though I know he’s not here.

Arc’s words repeated in my head. It was for the best, right? But brother.. I still failed. This was my fault. I could not save him. I couldn’t even bring him in. What kind of paladin am I? What kind of hero can’t save the ones who need the most to be saved? At least I’ll be hydrated. I chuckled through choking tears. I never had you, but I never wanted to lose what you could have been. What a pathetic man I am, to wish for the impossible.. But I don’t ever want to believe it was really impossible. What a contradiction I am.

-

A man named Asahi confronted me. He told me it was my fault Zenos died. He called his killer. He told me he would never forgive me. I tried to explain that I tried to, with all my might, to save him from his own death. But that wouldn’t get to him. I am just an enemy of Garleans. A killer of men. Just like Zenos. The cycle of war and death would never end. Maybe he wouldn’t listen because I barely believed my own words. I felt so horrible.

At this time, Yotsuyu seemed to have been reborn. I told my brother - Even if ‘twere an act, mayhap she truly wished to become a new person. A person of peace, and eating sweets and tea.. For that reason, I would protect Tsuyu with my life. I would do anything to help her. I would fight entire armies to protect her innocence at this time. I didn’t care what others thought. Maybe - just maybe - I could finally save someone who was responsible for so much misery, just like Zenos. She had such potential. And the more I spoke to my allies, the brighter her future seemed to be. But just like Zenos, she ended up giving in to her miserable existence and chose death, like it was inevitable. Her only option. “This is who I am.” she said. I could barely feel bad for Asahi’s disappearance from this world. Am I really such a useless man? Was this really inevitable?! What is the point of all of this if it’s really only going to be like this?!

-

Maxima was a man of peace. One of Garlean descent, no less. A man of the Garlean embassy. I trusted him. I don’t ever want to lose him. He’ll be my friend forever. Please fight this ideology of war with me, Maxima.

-

“He’s... gone?” The grave of Zenos was empty. The rumors of Ascian posession were true. I felt the world melt away as anger overtook me. I couldn’t hear. I couldn’t see. It wasn’t fair. He died in happiness. I got to see him smile for the first time. The smile I would cherish for the rest of my life, even if it were for such a cruel ending. I felt my body move on it’s own, ready to fight. I could barely feel Arc place his hand on my chest to stop me and ask me where I was going. If I couldn’t have him live peacefully, why couldn’t he at least die as he wished? All he had? The only thing that mattered to him? Did that feeling matter nothing?! Even if his life was a complete tragedy, could they not have let him die as he wished!? The only peaceful thing he ever did?! What can I do? My allies stop me. They tell me even if I wished to, I could do nothing. A warrior of light walking into Garlean terrority would be suicide. All I could do is wait. So I’ll wait for you. You better come see me - So I can kick your ass out of my friend’s body and let him rest for once and for all! I will never forgive you!