#you can even switch around the metaphors depending on the perspective tbh

[deadhawke]

One of the things I love so much about Vash and Wolfwood is how much they are both sides of the same coin. I know everyone and talks a lot about their moral differences but the one aspect I appreciate is how each one represents the different sides of how old trauma, especially childhood trauma, makes you feel.

On Vash’s side there’s the metaphor about how trauma can make you feel so so so much older than you really are. About how being an abused kid means having to grow up far too quickly and feeling like you’ve lived far too long and been through far too much even when you’re young.

On Wolfwood’s side is the metaphor of how trauma can make you feel so so so much younger than you really are. About how being an abused kid often also means you never learn how to “properly” be an adult so you end up still feeing like a kid inside well into adulthood.

Truly many many essays could be written about how trauma and grief and anger and everything else is addressed and represented in Trigun.

[eilidhink]

In general:

Real name: Melissa

Nicknames: Mel

Age: 33

Sexuality: Bi/queer. Vaguely aro, but in an uncommitted way

Preferred pronouns: She, but I’m good with they, too

Are you a morning person?: I have to be for work but I resent it a lot.

When swimming, do you prefer to do it in the ocean, or in a lake?: I can’t remember the last time I went swimming anywhere. I guess lake?

On Tumblr:

Anyone you would like to meet in real life?: All of you. But I think especially @morpheoussilvercreature because YOU’RE RIGHT THERE HOW HAVE WE NOT HUNG OUT YET?

Anyone you have met in real life?: @notyourshrink​ and I got to hang out once and it was great. It was before Eilidh existed, though, so we definitely talked about our other muses but tragically did not get to cry on each other about Eilidh and Ames.

When did you first join? How old is your current account?:  I make Truck’s blog in summer 2014, so Eilidh’s was... I guess around November of that year? My fandom/personal is older than both, though.

Any peeves?: I was already salty on this topic once today.

Unpopular opinion: You guys I have a lot of these but the only ones I can think of are things that I know some of my mutuals here disagree with, and I don’t want to make people feel bad because I think for most of them there are reasonable middle grounds and reasons to feel differently etc so I’m gonna abstain on this one.

Feelings:

Do you easily get jealous?: Nope.

Do you easily get angry?: Not really. There are things that can get me angry real fast, but they’re few and far between.

Are you easy to cheer up?: I’m going to go with “it depends on the reason I’m not cheery.” If it’s circumstantial, then yeah, it doesn’t take a whole lot for me to switch gears to something happier and shake off a bad mood. But if it’s a depression thing, that’s harder, because it’s like... fuck it, pokemon metaphor: depression for me is like my mood having a type weakness where “things that make it worse” are SUPER EFFECTIVE but “things that make it better are “NOT VERY EFFECTIVE” and also revives don’t work.

What’s the most hurtful thing someone could do to you?: I don’t know. This isn’t a fun thought experiment.

What’s the most hurtful thing someone has done to you?: I mean... okay, so there have been deeply hurtful things people have done to me that don’t feel like the worst thing ever anymore just because time has passed and I have more perspective on them. And then there are more recent things that feel more hurtful just because they’re fresh, you know? But I’m not going to get into those because the one that stands out most was an rp thing (none of you guys were involved though, we’re all good <3) and that makes it feel like gossip or something, talking about it here.

Are you good at hiding your emotions?: Yeah. Like, super good, and it’s not even intentional most of the time. If I could ever afford therapy that would probably be a thing we talk about tbh bc it’s related to Issues from childhood but *shrug emoji*

What’s the very best way to cheer you up?:  For all the rough patches there have been with it, rp mostly has been a big positive for me. Like, people engaging with my characters and creating stories with me makes me incredibly happy.

Relationships:

Are you currently in a relationship?: Nah.

Do you currently have a crush on someone?:   I don’t fucking know. Here’s the thing: some days I can’t remember the last time I had a crush and feel completely apathetic about romance etc, and some days I feel like I have crushes on a bunch of my friends, here and irl (within a certain appropriate age range). idk. tl;dr feelings are weird and it’s been too long since I made out with someone.

If yes, might that someone be reading this?: I mean, based on my last answer, yeah? But listen these are weird, kinda aro crushes that are mostly just lots of affection and admiration for immense creativity and stuff, like... the most chill of affectionate feelings.

Do you kiss on the first date?: I have and would again.

Do you prefer going out, or staying home, when it comes to dates?: Listen, I’m working full time. I am Tired. The idea of going out on a Date exhausts me. But also there’s this beachfront place that has good wine and a view and it’s really chill and I’d be down for that kind of going out.

Things:

Favorite drink: I’ve been craving a Thai iced tea ever since it started getting hot out.

Favorite food:  Yes.

Most calming place?: The woods in the Poconos or the prairie at the Chicago Botanic Garden.

Most stressful place?: Very few places cause me actual stress and anxiety like the campus where I went to grad school. Bad associations.

Most prized possession?: *looks at my book collection* I cannot choose between my children. (But for real, I’m a sentimental packrat, I have a lot of things I love.)

tagged by: @intolerablexsacrifice​

tagging: anybody who wants to do the thing

[moiraineswife]

TOD SPOILERS/RANT BELOW

accidental-rambler replied to your post “I haven’t read so much as a page of T0D and I’m still disgusted at the...”

I don't even care about tog tbh but when I saw that she decided to do a quick switch with couples so that ofc Chaol ends with his healer because OF COURSE POWER OF LOVE CURES IT ALL and I mean, OF COURSE she would do that because having a disability is not sexy at all, right? How could she possibly write about Chaol not being able to walk and having to learn to cope with it in any interesting manner, THAT'S CRAZY, better to pull off a good ugly oldie like this trope.

Straight up, Chaol was my favourite character in that series but I have absolutely zero desire to read the bullshit that t0d appears to be. 

This could have been SUCH a compelling arc and story for Chaol as a character, and for representation of a young person finding themselves with a disability and learning how to cope with it and still grow and find happiness and fulfilment in their life but oh no.  

And I’m annoyed because again it’s that potential that sort of floods through all of her books. She has so much interesting and compelling set-up that she then resolves through tasteless cliches and painfully overdone tropes, you know? 

Like, before TOD came out I was kind of excited to see what this would do for Chaol’s story. It kind of reminded me of Jaime’s arc in ASOIAF? Both characters were kind of...defined by their physical abilities, you know? 

Jaime was the greatest swordsman in the realm, kingsguard knight, etc, etc. His entire identity, worldview and approach to life and everything in it was genuinely based around his status and ability with a sword. 

Chaol’s isn’t quite as extreme as that but...A huge part of his identity was dependent upon his ability to physically fight. His position as captain gave him purpose and pride, he lived for his job, for the honour he found there, and that was slowly starting to become undone in QoS with his worldview and perspectives changing...and he started using those skills for something else instead. But he still relied heavily on his skills as a swordsman and a warrior - it was the only way he felt he could act and contribute. 

And in both instances, the authors offer a story that involves their characters being stripped of that defining trait. They both suffer physical disabilities that makes it impossible for them to continue the things they’ve literally built their lives around. 

But then they both take...such different twists. Jaime gets...a truly beautiful character arc (in the books, idk wtf is going on with the show rn but we’ll not talk about that) that involves him learning how to cope with this. He becomes a much better man when he can no longer force his way through every single situation with brute force. He learns diplomacy, he takes his role in the kingsguard far more seriously, he forces himself to change and learn and grow. (And this is...Maybe this sounds like the arc/my view of its benefits is romanticising disability in some way, which is not my intention, nor I think is what happens in the books - I’m just talking purely from a literary/narrative/character arc point of view here, and what can be done for a fictional character and how this arc can be handled....better than in tog, anyway) 

But with Chaol it just....It doesn’t force him to change, it doesn’t force him to examine himself and explore different strengths and different aspects to his identity (which would have been SO GODDAMN IMPORTANT WITH THIS CHARACTER HOLY SHIT) there’s just...this magical solution which, as far as I’m aware, sets him back to where he was again and it’s just like...a magical undo button for his disability which....doesn’t exist and shouldn’t be considered as a ‘happy ending’ for this kind of arc, you know? 

But that’s not something i really want to talk about too much, mostly because it isn’t my place but...The thing that’s really, truly unnerving about this whole thing is, as far as I’m aware from the spoilers...Chaol’s health is literally bound to Yrene??? 

Like...If she’s tired/at a distance/drained of magic....He’ll be negatively impacted/physically disabled again and...I’m not physically disabled in any way, so I can’t really speak about it on that level but just...The idea that another person’s well-being/state of mind/whatever has any bearing whatsoever on my health is...terrifying. The idea that if a person connected to me is tired or exerts themselves one day...I’ll find myself with far worse health as a result of that is honestly and genuinely terrifying to me.   

And it creates this really horrible power imbalance as well? What if they fight one day and Yrene decides to spite him with this connection? What if they want to separate? What if she gets manipulated and hurts him through this thing? What if, what if, what if. I don’t care how much they love each other, or how well suited they are to each other, they’re human beings. Humans are flawed, they fight, they fall out, they change, they move on....and they’re tethered to each other in such a deep way that it’s just...This can never be healthy. Even if they’re guaranteed to be together and in love and plain sailing forever and ever....There’s this hideous power imbalance where she can literally control his health by her actions. 

And it sucks for her too??? Like...There’s this huge pressure on her to always be on the top of her game and always make sure that she’s healthy and functioning etc and etc because otherwise it’ll negatively impact him. And what if she falls out of love with him one day and wants to leave but can’t because of the guilt and the pressure because she knows if she leaves, she takes his health with her? 

It’s just so...Deeply unhealthy. It’s like feysan/d’s suicide pact at the end of ac0war on steroids. And not the good kind. And I’m aware that I may have gotten some of the details wrong here, and maybe I shouldn’t comment at all on this since I haven’t read it....but the idea of being entirely dependent on another person to sustain your health for you, giving them that level of control over you is just...It’s horrifying to me, it really is, and it’s messing me up because like...how did she EVER think this was a good story to tell?? (And it also throws up some...really uncomfortable metaphors for caregivers and loved ones which I...won’t try to comment on because I’m sure someone has a better insight than I do but its’ just...it just gets more and more messed up the more I think about it) 

SORRY FOR THE RANT. I JUST HAVE VERY STRONG FEELINGS ON THIS THING I DESPERATELY WANTED TO LOVE BUT HAVEN’T EVEN READ BC OF HOW BAD IT IS.