#also this about the METAPHOR not characters actual ages okay thank you

[deadhawke]

One of the things I love so much about Vash and Wolfwood is how much they are both sides of the same coin. I know everyone and talks a lot about their moral differences but the one aspect I appreciate is how each one represents the different sides of how old trauma, especially childhood trauma, makes you feel.

On Vash’s side there’s the metaphor about how trauma can make you feel so so so much older than you really are. About how being an abused kid means having to grow up far too quickly and feeling like you’ve lived far too long and been through far too much even when you’re young.

On Wolfwood’s side is the metaphor of how trauma can make you feel so so so much younger than you really are. About how being an abused kid often also means you never learn how to “properly” be an adult so you end up still feeing like a kid inside well into adulthood.

Truly many many essays could be written about how trauma and grief and anger and everything else is addressed and represented in Trigun.

[drchucktingle]

Good day Dr. Tingle. I haven't read your stories, but I've known about you from afar in this website for a while. Your recent post about separating Ideas and Message is very similar to how I teach a class. I wanted to ask you, if you could share some of your Messages, in whichever structure/length/complexity you think about them before writing, to have some real world examples to show in class.

Personally I tend to simplify and shorten my messages as much as possible, like "everyone deserves forgiveness" for example, so that I can permeate it throughout the story, and so that anyone experiencing the story can come to a similarish conclusion.

I'm curious as to how your Messages look like inside your head, during the creative process. Not the refined versions used for marketing and sales and stuff.

Thank you!

sure buckaroo.

high concept idea of the book STRAIGHT was this: zombie apocalypse story but the rage only effects straight cis people (there is also a second high concept idea in there which is: what if zombie plague only happened one day a year? how would culture handle this politically and otherwise?)

so i had this idea that i thought was good, but before i can write it i think 'well what do i want to SAY about this? what am i FEELING?'

and i realized that i was a little torn about how to write this story because of the one day a year thing. when is it okay to fight back? can you hurt a zombie if it turns back into a person the next day? is that right or wrong? and WHEN is it right or wrong? what situations?

then i realized that with the metaphor of this story what i was really asking was something bigger: why is it up to the victims (in this case queer buckaroos) to be forced to make these decisions? marginalized groups have TWO kinds of violations done to them, the first is the obvious act of violation, but the second is that they are forced to use their time and mental space and emotional tolerance to learn how to HANDLE the first violation in an 'acceptable way'

so THAT became my message. if you want to know how i feel about these questions you can read STRAIGHT and find out.

CAMP DAMASCUS high concept idea was (SPOILERS IF YOU HAVE NOT READ CAMP DAMASCUS STOP READING HERE) what if the church really DID decide the ends justify the means and instead of stopping demonic possession they were inflicting demonic possession to counter sinful acts.

but that is not the message of the book. that is just the idea. if i just had that idea i would not write it, but as things evolved i realized WHAT i wanted to say with this story

in this situation WHO is the force of 'evil'? would it be the demons? would it be the possessed? or would it be the SYSTEM AND MENTALITY that was creating this situation in the first place? so the book sets out the answer this question and express the conclusion that ive made for myself

i also noticed that many churches who are anti gay have a sort of infantilizing trot with how they handle their young buckaroos. this idea that gay feelings will just go away if they are ignored and that they can almost keep young queer buckaroos from ever aging into fully realized adults. obviously i think this is WRONG and so fighting back against this mentality became part of the message as well, and that informed most of the metaphor and symbolism in the book.

it is important to keep in mind that sometimes the message can change. as the book trots along i am LEARNING myself, working out these thoughts on the page and coming to a conclusion of my own. this is actually VERY true of BURY YOUR GAYS, which is probably most autobiographical thing i have written. i will save talking about that MESSAGE and HIGH CONCEPT for after book is out though

EDIT FOR CLARITY OF MY WAY:

when i say i write MESSAGE FIRST that does not mean i think of the message first in TIME (although that does happen sometimes) it means the message is the most important thing over plot or characters or anything like that (although those are important too). it means that i write with message as my north star, which is rare, but it is how i make art

[changbunnies]

Piece of a Puzzle, (18+)

♡ Pairing: Duke’s Son!Seungmin x Princess!Reader

♡ Genre: royal au, fake dating, angst, fluff, love triangle, best friends to fake lovers to real lovers, so much pining from seungmin, slow burn-ish?, eventual smut

♡ Word Count: 20.4k (lmao it was not supposed to be this long...)

♡ Summary: For as long as Seungmin can remember, he’s been in love with you; and for as long as he can remember, you’ve been in love with Hyunjin. Desperate for Hyunjin to see you as a woman and no longer as a best friend or metaphorical sister, you ask Seungmin to pretend to be your boyfriend to make him jealous- you have nothing to lose, and nothing could go wrong! At least, that’s what you both think until your fake relationship with Seungmin begins to reveal feelings for you that he wanted to keep buried, and feelings in you that you didn't realize you had.

♡ Warnings: I know some people hate love triangles so if that is you then this fic is not for you I am sorry gsddgfd, I also wouldn't read this if you're not okay with characters who make mistakes and act selfishly lol, seungmin says mean things but it's all in the spirit of teasing and banter and he is not actually a mean person I promise, mentions of falling in freezing water, being sick + taking medicine, and mc makes 1 joke about killing seungmin.

♡ Smut Warnings (contains spoilers): virgin reader + virgin seungmin, loss of virginity, no intended d/s dynamics but reader is usually the one taking the lead lol, lots of kissing per usual, handjob, nipple play, unprotected piv, creampie

♡ Notes: it took me forever to come back to this series but the next member to get their royal au fic is seungmin <3 unlike my previous royal au fics, this one is in a modern setting which i hope makes for a fun dynamic and is a good change of pace from my other aus ! 

♡ Disclaimer: please read responsibly, and remember that this work is fiction and meant strictly for imaginative fun. the idols used in fics are more accurately faceclaims and personality outlines for imaginary characters, and should not be interpreted as factual representations of existing people.

If you were to ask Seungmin what his favorite thing about having two best friends was, it would've been how special it was to be a trio. You, Seungmin, Hyunjin- the three of you inseparable since you were babies, spending hours giving the attendants and guards watching over you trouble, getting into snowball fights in the winter and camping out in the gardens during the summer.

Countless days spent splashing around in the lakes and ponds near your estates and coming back with muddied feet, making messes in the kitchens when you disastrously tried to figure out how to bake a cake for your upcoming birthday, and giggling to each other even as your elders got red in the face from scolding you.

It was perfect, really- the happiest days of Seungmin's life, all spent in carefree bliss.. until you all started to get older. It was all so mindless when you were children; all Seungmin ever really comprehended back then was that you were all of similar age, and becoming friends was a natural and perfect arrangement thanks to your parents (who Seungmin realized were all important people, though he was too young at the time to understand why or how.) You, the princess in the east, Hyunjin, the prince in the west, and Seungmin, the duke's son born in the middle of both territories, whose father allied himself to both nations and was a revered peacekeeper.

He can still remember fondly the nights before it all became so different; when you'd have guard sanctioned sleepovers in the ballroom, how you'd run and splash in the rain, your laughter carrying even as the three of you became soaked and eventually scolded for dripping water onto the pristine castle floors. You'd slip out of royal events to go hangout together on the balconies, in the library, or anywhere really, as long as it wasn't full to the brim with your pretentious elders talking politics and future marriage.

But Seungmin made the mistake of falling in love with you, and you fell in love with Hyunjin, and that's where it all falls apart.

The situation is dramatic, you're dramatic- the way you whine and flail on the bed, claims of how you'll "just die" if Hyunjin doesn't finally realize you're the woman of his dreams. Seungmin sits across from you on your chaise near the balcony of your extravagant bedroom, trying not to react too strongly one way or the other. As the only person you can confide in on this topic, Seungmin is used to hearing you pour your heart out to him about Hyunjin.

He likes to think he's used to it, anyways; that it doesn't hurt anymore because he simply doesn't let it, but any outsider looking in would be able to tell that isn't true. His smile falters, his bright eyes dull, his heart sinks to the pit of his stomach- because you will never love him with the same intensity you love Hyunjin. But it's been this way for years now; you are hopelessly in love with the prince of the neighboring country, while Seungmin is tragically in love with you. He really should just get over it already.

You've gone on and on and on about how Hyunjin is the ideal man- beautiful, educated, kind, dependable, artistic- everything Seungmin feels he cannot compare to. It's so pathetic, he feels pathetic; he never even put much thought on being of equal standing to the two of you until you started confiding in him about your feelings for Hyunjin, pouring out your heart and simultaneously breaking his with each new admission. Seungmin himself didn't even realize how in love with you he was until he was firmly faced with rejection; and it's almost funny how he's rejected before he can even try.

"I just want him to like, finally see me as a woman, y'know? I'm not the little girl you guys grew up with anymore!" you wail before shoving your face into one of your many pillows, huffing and whining in frustration as you kick your feet up and down. Apparently, you have come to find out that Hyunjin still views you as more of a sister than a potential lover, and you've spent the entire afternoon whining as you try to think of what else you can possibly do to make Hyunjin see you differently.

Seungmin wishes he could do the same- make you see him differently, as someone other than the best friend, almost brotherly figure you grew up with. But it's not meant to be, and Hyunjin has already won the race for your affection without even realizing he was part of it. "Stop being so dramatic," Seungmin complains half-heartedly, hoping you think his deadpan tone comes from just being mildly annoyed and not in fact utterly heartbroken.

You lift your head from the pillows and glare at him, but he just rolls his eyes before he lets his own head fall back against the cushion of the chaise, staring up at your impossibly pristine ceiling. "But we're a perfect match! He's a prince, I'm a princess, and I love him!" you whine, throwing one of your pillows at Seungmin when all he does is scoff instead of console you.

He throws the pillow back at you without even turning his head in your direction, and you throw it back harder than you did before, making him finally turn his gaze back in your direction. "Will you stop? Crybaby," Seungmin says, hoping to shift the conversation back to something that doesn't tear his heart to shreds. "Maybe he'd like you more if you weren't such a brat when you don't get your way."

"Seungmin!" your frown grows as you cross your arms, "do you have to be so mean to me when I'm literally heartbroken?" He has a point, that's true enough- you are acting a bit like a spoiled brat right now. But he could at least wait until later to call you out on it! You don't understand why he's always so mean when it comes to your feelings about Hyunjin. It's his personality to tease and be playfully mean in his banter, but when your feelings for your other best friend are the topic it never feels like it's purely in jest.

"Look, I get that he and his family are starting to consider who he'll marry, but it's not like he's actually seeing anyone yet. I'm sure you still have time," Seungmin suggests after a frustrated sigh, and you huff, falling back to the pillows and staring up at your ceiling with yet another dramatic sigh. "Maybe you just don't get it because you've never been in love. The thought of losing him to someone else is.. painful.."

It's a moment of real vulnerability at the end, the pain and fear in your voice when the last words leave your lips evident. If only you knew he does understand all too well, faced with the very same reality every single day. You deal with your pain by complaining to Seungmin in overdramatic displays, while he bottles it all up and shoves it as deep inside his heart as it can go, hoping that he won't have to acknowledge the pain again until he's alone, in the safety of his bedroom where no one can see or hear him agonize over his unrequited love.

But like Seungmin said, there's still time.. Hyunjin and his family are looking over marriage prospects together, but at the end of the day the choice is entirely Hyunjin's, and surely there's something you can do before he starts going on dates and falls in love with someone else. You shoot up quickly, the apparent clarity zapping you with an idea. "You're a genius, Minnie! I don't have to wait for him to return my feelings at all, I can do something!"

"Uh... you're welcome..?" Seungmin sits back up and looks over at you, and he instantly regrets it. You're looking at him with puppy dog eyes, lip pouty and hands clamped together in what is clearly a plea for help. He's not even sure he wants to know what you're thinking of roping him into- whatever plan it is you're crafting, nothing good can come from it. Especially not when your plot is being conjured by pure emotional need.

"Seungmin.. Be my boyfriend, please! Help me make him jealous," you plea and his eyes instantly widen, mouth hanging open in complete shock. He and Hyunjin have had to talk you out of a lot of irrational acts during their time as your friend, but this takes the fucking cake. There's no way you are asking him to do this. "You can't be serious," he says after the initial shock passes and now you scramble to the edge of the bed, pout growing as you try to convince him.

"Seungmin, please-" "Absolutely not, no," he cuts you off and the desperate, heartbroken look he's met with shatters the already microscopic pieces of his heart into even smaller pieces- a feat he didn't even think possible. It's almost impressive how you manage to break his heart without even realizing it.

"Please, you know there's no one else I can ask," you plea, now completely off the bed and just inches in front of him, clasping his hands in yours. There it is- Seungmin, the consolation prize. Seungmin, the one you turn to simply because Hyunjin isn't available. Seungmin, who gets dragged into schemes like this because he just can't live with himself if he knows you're genuinely upset.

Your puppy eyes looking at him so pleadingly paired with your soft hands desperately clutching his is enough to make him melt. He swallows, averting his gaze from your pouting lips and glassy eyes, trying to stay firm in his sentiment. "It's a bad idea," he says, voice short and impossibly tense, "what will you do if it doesn't work? If he's just like.. a good friend, and supports us being happy together?"

"But what if he doesn't? C'mon Minnie, we at least have to try!" you push on, your hands squeezing his tighter. The fact that his statement doesn't seem to deter you at all somehow makes the pain in his chest even worse. Like there's no reality in which Seungmin is the viable love interest for you, like the possibility that Hyunjin would concede your heart to him couldn't ever be reality, like the idea isn't even worth entertaining.

"I.." He hesitates as he finally looks at you again, your face still impossibly close to his, the earnest desperation for him to help you with this stupid idea making his chest feel impossibly tight. Seungmin likes to think he's good at pretending to not have feelings for you, but he doesn't think he can do it while also pretending to be your boyfriend.

How is he supposed to be so close to you and pretend it was all empty acts and words when the night is over? He'll tell you he loves you and you'll think it's part of the act, praise him for being so committed to the bit for your sake, thank him for pretending so effectively. You'll take his heart in your hands and twist and bleed and crush it, and you won't even know you're doing it. "Please?" you try once more and his resolve utterly crumbles.

It's stupid how much power you have over him. It's stupid how he can't stand firm against what is very clearly a disastrous idea. It's stupid how he's going to willingly allow his heart to be trampled upon just to make you happy. "..Fine," Seungmin finally breathes out his answer, conceding without all that much of a fight in the end.

You happily squeal and wrap your arms around him in a tight hug, thanking him over and over again. And despite himself, Seungmin smiles- because even though he's going to suffer, at least you'll be happy because of him, even if it's only for a short while. "You're the best, Minnie! I love you!" you beam, eyes crinkling with pure joy that he's going to help you.

"Yeah, yeah, you're welcome," he says as he wraps his arms around you in return. It's a mistake, but if it's for you then isn't it a mistake worth making? And he has to ignore the way his heart skipped a beat when you told him you loved him, has to remind himself that you'll never mean it in the way he wants you to, that every show of affection from this point onward will all be part of an elaborate performance.

The first rule of every fake relationship: set expectations and make a plan.

That's exactly why Seungmin finds himself visiting your room again following his foolish promise to be your pretend boyfriend. You bounce up to him in delight when he enters your room following a knock on the door, and he wishes that your excitement was genuinely for him, and not because you were going to be using him to make your shared best friend jealous.

Seungmin doesn't even believe Hyunjin will be jealous in the first place; he's never expressed having a romantic interest in you, and he thinks Hyunjin would confide in him if he did. But then again, it's not like Seungmin has ever confessed his feelings over you to Hyunjin either.. And the possibility that Hyunjin does love you, but simply never brought it up in the same way that Seungmin hasn't fills him with dread.

If this stupid plan works, and Seungmin actually helps you two come together.. he wants to think he'll be happy for you two, but who is he kidding? He'll be fucking gutted. "You look handsome today, boyfriend," you tell Seungmin happily, and he immediately freezes in place, hoping his expression is more incredulous than it is embarrassingly flushed red. What a way to be ripped out of his spiraling thoughts.

"Can you warn me next time you're about to say something stupid?" Seungmin tries to play it off as he takes his usual place on your chaise. "Sorry, just practicing," you follow up with a giggle, and he simply sighs as he watches you sit next to him. He's really gotten himself into trouble this time around, but it's too late to rescind his agreement to help your cause.

"I don't think most couples literally call each other "boyfriend" and "girlfriend" to their faces," Seungmin says, trying to smoothly ignore the 'handsome' part of your comment. It's superficial, you don't mean it, he already knows that; best not to let his mind dwell on a false hope of you one day meaning those words. "Well duh, I already know that," you say as you roll your eyes, "I'm just getting into character!"

Ouch. You have to get into character to love him, huh? It's not like he's surprised to hear it, but it hurts all the same. "Can't be too sure with you, sheltered princess and all," he teases and you roll your eyes again. "I'm not that sheltered. And TV exists! I'll have you know romance is my favorite genre."

"Great, so you get all your knowledge on romance from TV? How promising," Seungmin continues and you shove him, though all he does in response is smile at you. "Whatever, it's not like you know what you're doing either. You've never even had a girlfriend," you say and for a moment you think Seungmin is going to shove you back, but he doesn't.

His hands rise and almost touch you, but he hesitates before ultimately lowering them back down to his lap. It's been that way since you started getting older, as if the days you'd play wrestle or sleep while hunched together or hold hands while skipping through the castle never happened. Thinking about it, he stopped doing things like that around the same time you brought up your feelings for Hyunjin.

You assume he was being considerate, trying to be hands off so Hyunjin didn't get the wrong idea, but.. You wonder why you didn't realize how much he's been keeping his distance from you and hesitating to touch you until now? (And in reality, he stopped touching you when he realized he had feelings for you, and not when you admitted you like Hyunjin, but he's never going to clarify that fact to you.)

The other day, when you clutched his hands in yours in a desperate plea, it was the first time you held hands since you were kids. That's a sad thought, for some reason.. Maybe part of you missed it more than you realized. Taking his hand in yours, you really allow yourself to experience it this time.

It's nostalgic, holding his hand; though Seungmin's hands are much bigger now than when you were kids, they feel the same. Warm, comforting, gentle.. You wonder when the last time you did this was; you almost feel bad that you can't remember. You were once holding hands every single day and then you just.. stopped. You're not sure why the thought makes you as sad as it does; probably just the natural melancholy that comes with nostalgia if you had to guess.

Seungmin awkwardly accepts your hold, looking at you curiously after he stops fidgeting his hand. "I kinda missed this," you admit, cheeks growing pink with the admission. You're not sure why saying it makes you blush- it's just Seungmin. "Me too," he responds, his own face equally as pink, though he hopes you don't notice. He looks down at your hands, fingers laced together, and his heart stirs.

Ignoring it, he looks back to you, expression nervous but entirely serious. "So uh- your plan.. what exactly is it?" he asks, surprised when you answer immediately. Guess you put a lot of thought into it; because while your answer isn't rehearsed necessarily, it is confident. "Well, you got your invitation to the ball right? That's where we'll tell Hyunjin we're dating! It's the perfect setting."

"But you literally hate going to that thing- are we really going to go just for that?" The annual Hwang family ball is much more politics than it is dancing. Seungmin can't think of a single time you all attended and actually had fun without having to sneak away or cause a scene. At best it's boring and at worst you're spending the entire night being lectured on the future of your countries and how important it is to marry the right person for political power.

"Yeah, unless you have a better idea?" You frown as you look at Seungmin. He doesn't, unfortunately. He's not even sure he'd suggest it if he did have one, to be fair. God, this is so stupid- he's stupid for agreeing to go along with this. Curse you and your ability to rope him into the worst things possible just by giving him a cute look.

And in the end, he easily accepts the plan- attend the ball, act like a lovey dovey couple, activate Hyunjin's underlying jealousy (that may not actually exist), and hopefully profit. In the meantime, you'll be "building credibility" by getting past all the awkwardness now, so that you can pass as a legit couple in front of Hyunjin when the time comes.

"You're really okay with this, right? It's okay to change your mind," you say with a compassionate squeeze to his hand. It takes Seungmin by surprise that you're actually considering his feelings- not to insinuate that you're entirely selfish or don't care about him, but you do tend to have a one track mind when it comes to your romantic feelings for Hyunjin.

You watch him carefully, his expression entirely unreadable to you. You wish you could tell what he was thinking in times like this, but he always becomes a stonewall when you bring up romance and your long harbored feelings. You know it must be for a reason, but he never tells you what it is, and you can only assume the topic of love makes him uncomfortable; and while you're grateful for his help, you don't want him to push through discomfort just for your sake.

"..Yeah, I'm good. This is fine, everything's fine," he finally says. You don't entirely believe him, but you don't press him on it- he'll just argue with you if you don't take his word for it. Stupid. You were clearly offering him an out and he just accepted his role as your emotional martyr. But who is he kidding- it's not like he would've been able to answer any differently, ever a slave to your whims.

Whether you realize it or not, you have him in the palm of your hands, and Seungmin would do anything to make you happy- even at the detriment to himself. "So.. uh, do you want to kiss me?" you transition and Seungmin has to make a conscious effort to not choke on his own spit. Because how are you asking him that so casually?

"No, you're gross," he answers; a lie, obviously, but he didn't realize this fake relationship would entail anything other than mild displays of affection and maybe the use of petnames. If he kisses you it's over for him. Completely, utterly over- he'll never be able to pretend you're just his friend ever again.

You roll your eyes as you let go of his hand, and he frowns; he misses the warmth already, but what right does he have? "You can just say no without the gross comment, asshole," you shove him again. Seungmin is always mean to you, so it's not like you weren't expecting a comment like that when you decided to bring up kissing. You might've hoped for a different reaction, but you certainly weren't expecting anything profound or romantic.

...Why were you hoping for a different reaction in the first place?

"No, that's- I'm sorry, that's not what I meant, I just-" It's almost endearing how Seungmin fumbles with his words. You blink at him, surprised to see him floundering to admit you're not actually gross to him. Poor Seungmin- being mean to you is his only defense mechanism and now it's going to bite him in the ass. No wonder you don't have feelings for him.

In reality, he thinks you're pretty. So fucking pretty. And he wants to kiss you more than he's ever wanted anything. "Force of habit," he finally says, swallowing down his true thoughts and feelings as usual. Thankfully, you accept his answer easily; he's not sure whether you truly believe him or not, but he'll take what he can get. "Have you ever kissed someone?" you decide to ask, moving swiftly along after taking his answer at face value. Thank God.

"Once," he answers, and oh, that's a surprise; you expected him to say 'no,' to be like you- with zero experience. You're best friends- why hasn't he told you..? To be fair, it's not that Seungmin kissed someone- he was the one being kissed by someone else. The distinction is very important! And he can see the question lingering before you even ask it, so he takes the initiative in answering. "It was awkward. I didn't.. feel the same way as them."

"Oh. I didn't realize there are people that like you," you say and Seungmin instantly shoots you with an incredulous look. "Ouch," he deadpans. "No, sorry- I didn't mean for that to sound so mean, I swear," you promise with an awkward laugh. At least now you're equal on the "making unintentionally hurtful comments" front.

You've thought at great length what it would be like if Hyunjin started dating someone, but you're just now realizing you never put any thought into Seungmin dating someone. You guess you just always expected that he'd be there.. you never stopped to think about what would happen if he wasn't, never even considered it a possibility that he wouldn't always be right there next to you.

And it would happen eventually, wouldn't it? And what about when you and Hyunjin are a couple; you two will have each other and Seungmin will.. well, you don't know what he'll do. But you don't like the thought of him being anymore distant. What a way to realize how selfish you're being. “Sucks that it was awkward,” you eventually say, ignoring the way guilt starts to eat at you. No surprise that the selfish princess doesn’t want to confront that issue just yet.

“Yeah.. honestly, I felt bad. I’m sure it took a lot of courage to confess and kiss me, but I,” already had feelings for you, he thinks, but obviously opts to say something else, “just didn’t feel the same.” Lord knows Seungmin will never have that same level of courage; to put yourself out there and confess only to be met firmly with rejection is terrifying. And he knows you don’t feel the same, so why even try? Being a coward suits him perfectly fine in this case. 

“Why didn’t you accept anyways? You might’ve returned the feelings after becoming a couple and growing closer to them,” you ask, earnestly curious. You think you would give someone a chance if they confessed to you if you weren’t already so in love with Hyunjin. But as far as you knew, Seungmin didn’t have feelings for anyone, so there would’ve been nothing to lose from trying. If only that were true- his life would be much easier if he wasn’t earth shatteringly in love with you. 

“Mm, maybe. But if months went by and I still didn’t, I would’ve felt scummy. Like I was stringing them along and giving them a false promise, y’know? And I don’t wanna be that guy,” Seungmin answers, keeping out the major detail of ‘I’m also impossibly in love with you and dating someone while being in love with your best friend is definitely frowned upon.’ “Wow. I think I respect you more after that,” you say and Seungmin scoffs, unable to hide the smile that breaks on his lips. “Gee, thanks. Glad to know you didn’t respect me before now.”

“Hey, I clearly said ‘respect you more!’ Meaning I did respect you, thank you very much,” you laugh. There’s a silence that follows when the giggling dies down and the smiles fade, with Seungmin looking at you carefully. Right. He’s here to be your fake boyfriend. Better get back to the quest at hand. “So.. I’m not actually gross, huh?” you ask, bringing the conversation back to where it began. “Only a little,” he teases, laughing when you grab a spare cushion to shove at him. 

“Stop being mean, I’m trying to be serious!” You whine as he tosses the cushion you shoved in his face to the floor. “Okay, okay,” Seungmin says, his expression softening as he looks at you. In reality, he thinks you’re perfect; but it’s much easier to tease and pretend you disgust him than to face how beautiful he thinks you are. But with how seriously you’re taking this entire thing, it seems he’s going to have to be more earnest with himself, and you, than he was prepared to be.

He really fucked himself over this time around.

"Theoretically.." you start, chewing on your lip before you continue, "Hypothetically-" "Those words mean the same thing," Seungmin can't help but interrupt, laughing as you shove him and tell him to 'shut the fuck up.' You hate him sometimes- fucking menace to your sanity, you swear. "Hypothetically," you continue when he's done laughing and you're sure he's ready to take you seriously, "assuming you're being honest and I'm not gross. Would you want to kiss me?"

Well. Guess there's no avoiding it now. It's time for the thing Seungmin fears most- some good, old fashioned honesty about his feelings. "Yes," is all he says; no further elaboration, no talk on whether or not this is still strictly in the realm of hypotheticals, or if he'd only be okay with it under some sort of condition being met. Just.. yes, he'd want to kiss you.. wants to kiss you. That's it.

You can’t believe how easily he conceded in the end; you wonder if another mean, teasing joke is inbound, or if he doesn’t quite get what you’re insinuating. "You know I mean on the lips right? Like.. an actual kiss?" You ask, wanting to ensure you're on the same page and he's not just thinking, like.. forehead or cheek kisses or something. All of which will still be part of this fake relationship, but still; better to make sure everything is clarified. "Yeah, I assumed that," he replies and you simply blink.

You're not sure why, but that does something to your heart. "And.. you're okay with that..?" "Yeah..? I thought we established I didn't mean it when I said you're gross. I was just teasing," he says plainly, as if the topic you're discussing is completely normal. Well, maybe that's the attitude you should have too- it's no big deal, right?

It's not that strange for two best friends to kiss, it happens all the time! And this was all your idea in the first place; you don't even understand why you feel so weird about it all of the sudden. Sure, not thinking you're gross and wanting to kiss you are two different things entirely, but you're thinking about it too hard.

Seungmin is just being a good friend to you. He's nonchalant about it because all of this is simple; it's supposed to be simple. Just one friend casually helping out another. If anything it's a relief he has no hang ups about it, right? It makes this whole thing easier! (The reality: he is not nonchalant. He is practically screaming inside over the idea of kissing you- you just don't know it.)

Blushing and heart twisting for reasons beyond your understanding, you opt to just take his hand in yours again instead, averting your eyes from him and training them off to the distance. Your bedroom walls are very interesting all of a sudden. "Maybe later," you mumble and he nods, relieved as he squeezes your hand. Yeah, maybe later. He doesn't think he's ready to fall for you even harder just yet anyways.

Weeks pass, and your fake relationship develops slowly but organically thanks to the Hwang's ball being further away still. You expected becoming "natural" in your relationship would take time, which is why you wanted to get a headstart on practicing being close. Your heart still stirs in unexpected moments, but mostly you feel comfortable, which is perfect.

Some awkwardness and shy closeness would be natural, but you can't appear stiff in front of Hyunjin if you want to pass as a genuine couple- the goal is for the relationship to look fresh, not forced. Due to this, you and Seungmin hold hands a lot these days. You like it, to be honest. It reminds you of all these thoughts and memories you hadn't lingered on in years. Of play dates and toothless smiles and laughing as you trip and tumble and grow dirty. You missed it.

You missed this too- cuddling, same as the hand holding. It's something you hadn't done since you were kids, and similarly, you couldn't remember the last time you had done it before now. You find yourself thinking it's a shame you ever stopped. You're currently laying against him, head on his shoulder while one of his arms is wrapped around your waist, legs tangled together on your obscenely large sofa while some movie you long since stopped paying attention to plays on your equally large tv.

You practiced calling each other petnames, but they all felt weird- in the end, the only thing that felt natural was sticking to calling each other stupid, idiot, asshole, brat.. And somehow hearing Seungmin call you a selfish brat before he hugs you with a smile makes your heart skip a beat these days. It doesn't make sense, but you don't let yourself dwell on it or think about it too hard- this is all for a purpose, and it's better to just leave it at that.

When you suggested trying out cuddling today, you didn’t expect your mind to go to so many complicated places. "Hey Minnie, do you remember the last time we cuddled like this?" you decide to ask him, tilting your head up to be able to catch a glimpse at him. "Yeah. We were 12," he answers easily, and you can just barely see this corner of his mouth lifted in a fond smile.

"Really?" you question and he tilts his head to look at you. He answered so quickly; no delay in the slightest, didn't even have to waste any time thinking on it or trying to remember- he just.. already knew. The instantaneous ease in which he responded surprises you as equally as it fills you with guilt.

"Of course. You don't remember?" he asks and pangs of guilt over not being able to remember yourself grow painfully. You never expected to feel so terrible over something so small. "Not really.." you answer with a frown; you wish you did, especially since Seungmin seems to have his own memory of your childhood closeness perfectly intact, but you simply.. don't remember.

"Gosh, I'm so hurt. You care for me so little," Seungmin teases, but all you can do is continue to frown. You can't bring yourself to hit him with a witty quip or joke that you hate him- because part of you worries that how inattentive you've been thus far would give rise to him one day believing your statements made to poke fun are how you truly feel. And right now you just honestly, truly feel bad.

His expression softens when he realizes you're genuinely saddened, assuming it's because he took the teasing too far by insinuating you don't care about him. In reality, it's not him you're upset with but yourself. And it stings to realize that maybe what he says isn't completely wrong- maybe you really have cared about him too little.

Maybe if you weren't so hyperfocused on love and romance with Hyunjin, you'd have realized sooner how much you put your friendship with Seungmin on the wayside. You wish you'd been a better friend. "It's to be expected actually,” Seungmin attempts to rectify his mistake in wording (though truly it's not his fault or a ‘mistake’- your guilt is your own, and all he did was unintentionally spark some much needed self reflection.) “You were sick as fuck and loaded on cough syrup."

"Oh!" You exclaim suddenly, a vague memory in the very back of your mind becoming clearer now. Just as Seungmin said, you were 12 and suffering from the worst cold you'd ever had in your entire life. You felt like you were dying and it was your own fault it happened; a blizzard had just passed, and you insisted on playing in the freshly fallen heaps of snow with your two best friends.

The lake near the castle had completely frozen over in the storm, and despite being repeatedly warned how unsafe it is to play on a frozen lake, you were just a kid who thought you were invincible. Every kid is overconfident and zealous, truly believing no harm or wrong can come to them until the world teaches them a lesson in humility- and that's exactly what happened that day.

You skated around on the frozen lake, paying no heed to any of the warnings you received, laughing and giggling without a care in the world even as you slipped and slid around on the slick surface of the ice. But eventually you fell, of course you did, it was ice- and the moment your weight collided with the surface of the lake, it cracked.

It's hard to remember what followed- all you really remember was how your whole body froze the minute it touched the icy water, as if all your limbs had become pure lead. But Seungmin was there, and Hyunjin too, and they pulled you out and got you back inside as fast as they were able. It honestly came as no surprise that you got sick following your unceremonious ice bath.

Seungmin and Hyunjin got a bit sick too, but their sniffles and slight coughs paled in comparison to your symptoms. Hyunjin's parents made him return home to shake off his cold, but Seungmin's didn't mind if he got over his slight cold with you in the castle. Even with the spark of clarity it's all still vague, but you can just remember it now- how Seungmin was glued to your side the entire rest of the week as your body tried to fight off the illness.

He was there when your attendants woke you to take your medicine, he was there when you drank your water and sipped your soup, he rubbed your back when you coughed and stroked your head when you complained that it hurt. He was.. sweet. The entire time. The usual Seungmin who teased and complained was nowhere to be seen, even when you unintentionally got snot on his shirt.

Instead, he was just sincerely caring. And he cuddled you, let you soak up all his warmth because no matter how many layers of blankets you were under and despite the constant fueling of the fire in your fireplace, you still felt so impossibly cold. "I remember now," you tell him and the smile you're met with stirs something within you.

Or maybe it's the memory of how sweet he can be when he's not being a jackass. Maybe it's how underneath his layers of teasing comments and sarcastic words, he's genuine. He remembers things, always remembers things, even when the moments are small and fleeting. And maybe it's how even when he complains or calls you a selfish brat, he'd still do anything for you.

Even now, years later, he's still just the same in that regard. Cares about you, would do anything for you, wants you happy even when your happiness causes him trouble and inconvenience. All his sarcasm and jokes at your expense will fade the minute you're genuinely unwell, he'll drop everything he's doing the minute you need him for something serious, because underneath his layers and walls he'll always be someone selfless and kind.

You sit up ever so slightly, just enough to get a clearer view of him while still tangled in his arms and legs. You breathe his name in a whisper, and his eyes dart around your face as he tries to figure out what you’re doing, what you’re thinking while looking at him so.. attentively. It makes him nervous when you look at him like that, makes him feel like you can see right through him and read his every thought, like he’s nothing but cellophane.

And you kiss him. You kiss him. Soft and chaste, your lips just barely pressed to his, but still he crumbles, his sandcastle heart caught by your wave. His weak heart pounds, his blood races through his veins, he blinks in surprise and still can't seem to find himself or formulate a thought even when you pull away. What even just happened?

"S-Sorry," you flush instantly as you turn your eyes away from Seungmin's heating face. You can't believe you just kissed your best friend like that. And like.. you fully expected to give Seungmin your first kiss as part of this whole charade, but it was supposed to be a moment that only happened after meticulous planning and mental preparation. This was undeniably, purely the heat of the moment.

"Uh, I.. it just.. felt right. For practice..?" you stumble as you try to formulate an excuse for your own unexpected actions. Yeah. It was for practice, that's all. You aren't in love with him- you love Hyunjin. What you felt when you kissed him just now was.. something else. That's what you tell yourself, because it's the only thing that makes sense.

"Oh, right. Yeah, that makes sense," Seungmin utters quietly, sounding almost.. disappointed. You look at him again, and catch just a glimpse of sadness in his eyes before it fades completely, almost as if it was never there. And maybe it wasn't- maybe you're.. projecting, somehow? Do you want Seungmin to be sad that the kiss doesn't mean more?

You don't know. It's confusing. And you hate that you don't know why it's confusing, that you don't understand where all these conflicting thoughts and feelings are coming from and what they mean. You don't want to admit it, but maybe he was right; maybe this whole thing wasn't a good idea.

He sees the struggle on your face, but there's no way for him to know that it's due to confusion about your feelings, how you liked kissing him and how you don't know what that says about you or about your feelings- for him or for Hyunjin. Instead, he worries that you hated it, that kissing him filled you with disgust and regret and now you were trying to figure out how you can ever look at him again.

But you do look at him again, of course you do. And despite the confusion and the struggle from your complex, raging emotions, you meet his eyes softly. You reach for a hand and squeeze, and once again he feels like you see right through him, see all the ugly dread and guilt and sorrow that comes from being in love with you. You see him and he sees you, and though it's confusing and clearly disastrous, neither of you want to let it go just yet.

"Do you.. want to keep practicing..?" he asks hesitantly, a hint of hope in his unsteady voice. A hope he shouldn't have, a hope he feels you will sternly reject. But you don't. You smile at him, a timid one he thought only ever reserved for Hyunjin, and you nod. "Yeah, do you?" you ask, and all Seungmin replies with is a simple "yeah" of his own before your lips are on his again.

You kiss him and he kisses you, and sometimes it's awkward as you bump noses or ever so slightly miss and instead kiss the corner of his mouth, but in the end it all becomes natural, rhythmic, easy. Butterflies thrash in your stomach, your heart races, your face burns, his lips are soft and warm and perfect, and through it all, for the first time in all your years, you stop thinking about Hyunjin, and linger exclusively on Seungmin.

Kissing Seungmin makes you feel strange. It doesn't feel bad, nor wrong, or uncomfortable; but strange because of what it evokes in you. When he left for his guest room that night, and you had more time to think about what you’d done, you came to the conclusion that the butterflies would pass now that it was over. That you only felt them because kissing, regardless of it being with your best friend, was foreign and new. You thought that as you got used to kissing him, that deceitful fluttering in your stomach would gradually fade.

You expected that kissing him would become as second nature to you as holding hands, and eventually you’d feel.. maybe not nothing when kissing him, but certainly you wouldn't still be reactive. What has actually happened is rather the opposite; your heart skips a beat when he enters your room now, you unconsciously flush whenever he holds you closer, your stomach knots itself when he smiles following a kiss. 

He smiles a lot more these days; or maybe you only perceive it that way because part of you wants it to mean something more than it does. That’s what frustrates you most of all; no matter how much you tell yourself it’s just practice, that this means nothing to either of you and is only a means to an end, you find yourself struggling to come to peace with that idea. Confusion and guilt eat at you, complex feelings and emotions you didn’t even know you had rising to the surface one after the next, protesting being ignored and making themselves acutely known. 

There’s a question that burns in the back of your mind, something you’re scared to confront but know you must before this is over- is your love for Hyunjin genuine or superficial? Do you love him the way a lover truly would, or do you love the idea of being with him? The idea that your romance would be a picture perfect fairytale, because he’s a prince and you’re a princess and those two things just naturally go together.

Perhaps your understanding of love is inherently naive and flawed; perhaps all these years spent pining, you were chasing an ideal rather than a person. But misguided though it may be, your love for Hyunjin has to be true; because apart from being one of your best friends, he’s objectively perfect for you. Seungmin is rough and jagged, while Hyunjin is polished and smooth. Though more tempered and refined than yourself, Hyunjin matches your flair for the dramatic, while Seungmin is oppositely rooted firmly in reality. Where Hyunjin is elegant words and gentle smiles, Seungmin is sarcasm and rolled eyes.

But that’s not entirely true, you know it isn’t; because while Seungmin is indeed sarcastic and mean and sometimes rough around the edges, he’s also gentle and sincere and passionate. He doesn’t show that softness within as easily as Hyunjin does, he's built up walls as he grew older for reasons that you couldn't begin to understand, but maybe that’s what makes it more special when he does let them fall, how you know he truly means it when he does something kind. His sweet smiles carry far more weight and depth than you ever stopped to realize.

“You okay? What’s up with you today?” Seungmin asks, careful but with a hint in his voice that he’s ready to tease depending on how you respond. Right. The reason you called him over today. You chew your lip as you look at him, and you know he’s been able to tell all day that something was off with you. You wanted to call this whole thing off, if you’re being honest; tell him you realized he was right, he’s always right, and this was a terrible idea that you shouldn’t have dragged him into. 

But the moment you faced him you lost all your nerve. Your mouth ran dry, the words lodged themselves in your throat, and you couldn’t bring yourself to speak them. It’s so fucking selfish, but you realized that without this fake relationship keeping you together, the distance between you would return. Once the charade is over, he’ll go back to hardly ever returning your touch, to emotional walls stacked so high you fear you could never climb them, to strained smiles and equally strained words. 

You’re not sure why Seungmin is more open these days; maybe intimacy and closeness, no matter the cause and regardless of lack of romantic intent attached to them, is enough to naturally break down a person’s barriers. You don’t even know why he has barriers, why he shields himself from you so strongly when you’re his best friend, but now that you’ve experienced him without his walls you don’t want to go back. You’re terrible and selfish and it’s hardly a justification to keep your fake relationship going, but still..

“Are you getting nervous?” he tries again; the ball is approaching quickly now, and he suspects maybe you’re off because you fear your performance as a couple won’t be good enough, that maybe you won’t be as believable as you need to be. You want to tell him he’s probably right, that it’s just nerves and you’ll get over it and everything will be fine with the moment comes, but you know that’s not all there is to it. 

It feels so stupid looking back on how excitedly you chose a new dress for the occasion, planned how you’d match with Seungmin and parade yourself on his arm and bat your eyelashes at him while calling him the sweetest names you could come up with, all so Hyunjin would look on and maybe get jealous. You didn’t listen when Seungmin warned you it was a bad idea, didn’t entertain the truth that Hyunjin would likely be a good friend and not intervene, didn’t want to acknowledge how tunnel-visioned and selfish the fairytale romance you pursued made you. 

You kissed him, held his hands, and hugged him close and cuddled him tight, and your heart ached and stomach fluttered and you ignored every blaring alarm in your brain because the ends were supposed to justify the means. And now you’re going to ruin not just one friendship, but two; because you don’t know how you’re going to face either of them when it all inevitably crashes and burns.

“I just.. aren’t I being really selfish? You told me this was stupid but I didn’t listen and now I feel like I’m taking advantage of you,” you blurt it all out, watch as his eyebrows furrow and his expression changes. You don’t quite know what he feels; regret, frustration, exasperation..? All of them would be perfectly justified. You swallow and you clench your hands into fists and you finally make a selfless decision, one you should’ve made before all these weeks passed you by and you became attached to a version of your best friend you were never supposed to have. “We should stop.” 

Seungmin looks.. almost hurt, before he lets out a laugh; you can’t tell if it’s based in self-deprecation, irony, annoyance, or something even further beyond what you can understand from him. “I agreed to this,” he says, grabbing your arm and making you look at him again when you try to turn away and avoid his gaze, “I wanted- want to help you. You know that, right? I know I can be difficult sometimes but I’d never lie about that.”

Maybe you are terribly selfish and maybe you are taking advantage of him and maybe his heart will shrivel and die the moment this ends, but he doesn’t fucking care. He can be selfish too and his selfishness makes him want to hold on for as long as he can, even if it’s fake, even if you never love him; pretending to is enough, it’s all he needs. “That’s the problem though, isn’t it? You’re so selfless and I just..” you trail off; you don’t know what more you can bring yourself to say. 

He’s difficult, he’s frustrating, and he’s mean, but he’s not cruel. You know how sweet he actually is, how much he’d sacrifice for you if you asked him too, and it’s time you stopped relying on him for stupid shit like this and dragging him into your petty, dumb, naive problems and grow up a little. Stop being the selfish princess you were raised to be and start being someone worthy of Seungmin’s unwavering friendship instead. You’d never intentionally hurt him, but the problem is you probably have- countless times that you probably aren’t even conscious of because your self reflection has come just a little too late.

You started this whole thing because the idea of losing Hyunjin made your heart ache; but the idea of losing Seungmin, that knowledge that you’ve very likely taken and hurt and been a terrible friend for years doesn’t just make your heart ache- it rips it out entirely. It’s weird, considering them both best friends but realizing how different those friendships actually worked- and how losing Seungmin as a friend is far more gutting than losing a potential lover in Hyunjin. 

And you know Seungmin would never hate you, would call you selfish or stupid or annoying but would absolutely never actually think badly of you, and that makes it all the worse. Seungmin wears a mask for you, you know it’s true even if you want to deny it; but the mask he wears is cracked, the paint is worn, and knowing it could all be your fault makes you feel impossibly anguished and sick. 

Seungmin frowns and lets you look away, though he still hesitates to let you go. He does though, eventually, and he falls to his back on your bed with a sigh. “You don’t need to worry about me, this is all fine, I’m fine,” he says but you don’t entirely trust him. He’s too stubborn and selfless to admit you’ve ever hurt him, knows it would gut you to realize what you’ve done to him and so chooses to say nothing about it at all. Because regardless of the boundary of friend and lover and where you both lie in between those words, he loves you- not that you feel you deserve it. 

This isn’t entirely your fault either- he gave in way too easily. He knew it was a bad idea and he should’ve been more stern, made you see reason even if it made you cry and pout and whine for hours on end. He knows you're selfish and spoiled and a little naive when it comes to what romance means but he didn’t do anything to genuinely shut you down- because beneath it all, he’s just as selfish as you, and he wanted to be your boyfriend for a just a little while, even if being your boyfriend meant nothing. 

His walls are down but he’s still not being completely honest, you know he isn’t. The mask is back on but the cracks have grown, exposing more of the real Seungmin beneath, and he can’t hide himself away as easily as he used to- because now you’ve seen them. The cracks, the imperfections, the instability. And you’ve taken them all in, deduced that they’re your fault, and you won’t let it go- because that’s what stubborn people like you do. You pick and you prod and you poke, until something bends or breaks and you finally get the result you want. 

But what do you want? To stop playing pretend? For Seungmin to admit that yeah, you have hurt him sometimes- not that he blames you. He knows it wasn’t ever once intentional, and he was never going to hold anything against you or leave you behind. Or maybe you want him to admit he’s in love with you, and that he’s just as fucking hopelessly in love with you as you are with Hyunjin, and that love he feels foolishly allowed for things to get way farther than they should have. 

You look at him hesitantly, the way he’s fallen onto your bed, his shirt ridden half up his stomach from the fall and the way his caramel colored hair fans out around him. He’s beautiful and despite everything you’ve just said, you want to crawl on his lap and kiss him. You try to blink the thought away, to scrub your mind clean from thoughts you shouldn’t be having. 

He sees the way your eyes linger on his lips, how you internally struggle between what you think you should and shouldn’t do, how even now you are trying to spare him when he doesn’t need to be spared. Consume him whole, eat away at him until there’s nothing left, he doesn’t fucking care- he just wants you, even if it’s temporary, even if you throw him away in the end in favor of someone better. Not if, he has to remind himself, but when- because it’s inevitable, because you’ll never love him as more than a friend.

Seungmin reaches out to you, is close to touching you, but just as he used to, he hesitates before he drops his hand. The distance returns, and that should be a good thing; it hurts, but isn’t it what’s right? You don’t.. You’re not in love with him. You can’t be- you just.. value him as a friend and don’t want to do anything to strain your friendship anymore than you already have. Everything you feel is confusing and weird and you don't know what to do with what you have now. 

What to do with your urge to be closer to him, or the way you blush when he smiles and calls you names, or how the content sighs he lets out while kissing and cuddling makes your stomach do flips. How the way he unconsciously squeezes you tighter fills you with butterflies or how the way his hands linger before you begin to separate makes you want to go crawling back to his open arms. 

And there’s the impure thoughts- the ones you’ve never even had about Hyunjin despite being in love with him. The ones you have when you see his shirt ridden up like it is now, or how those sighs when you kiss him would sound if you took things just a step further. You used to daydream about pure things like sharing a romantic dance or being given flowers on an anniversary- now your thoughts linger on things like Seungmin’s tongue in your mouth and his hand between your thighs. Things you definitely shouldn’t be daydreaming about if you’re as in love with Hyunjin as you say you are. 

You suck in a trembling breath and again try to push the thoughts you shouldn’t have away. Seungmin’s expression is contemplative and gentle, full of a care you don’t deserve. It’s no surprise he can read you like an open book, can tell you’re more upset about this than you should be. It should be a comfort that this charade is coming to an end, but all you feel is sharp, stinging guilt and unbearable pain in your chest. Your eyes burn and you feel as if you’re going to cry, but how terrible would that be? 

It would almost feel manipulative to cry in front of him now, after having put all that effort into trying to go back to normalcy. You’re so frustrated with yourself, so impossibly frustrated; you squeeze your clenched fists, your nails dig into your palms, your tears threaten to spill and you look away from Seungmin before they do. Because he’ll comfort you, and that’s not what you deserve. Obviously he knows, it’s not like you can hide it very well, but he doesn’t say anything. 

Instead, he reaches out again- and this time, he doesn’t stop himself or hesitate. The distance you’ve put between you has already closed. He pulls you down to him, makes you fall against his chest, your head winding up somewhere between his heart and his shoulder. You can still hear it from your position above it, and the steady thumping soothes you. “The ball is soon,” he says quietly, “we can.. go as planned, and then decide what will happen with us after. If you still want to stop after that, it’s okay. Just.. don’t give up too soon.” 

You can tell he’s trying to sound sure of himself, but he’s just as lost in all this as you are. And though you still feel rattled with guilt and uncertainty, you nod. You trust Seungmin, and you may as well see this fake relationship through to the end- and the Hwang ball is where you meet that end, one way or another. “Okay..” you mumble, chest tight and stomach knotted with guilt, but you do your best not to spiral again, to trust Seungmin’s word when he says you haven’t done wrong by him. 

He calls your name and you look up at him expectantly. His mouth opens, he goes to speak, but whatever he wants to say is swallowed back down, and is instead replaced with something more familiar. “You’re.. really annoying,” he whispers before he kisses you, and there’s a relief that spreads through your veins. “Asshole,” you whisper back and you feel him smile, the comfortable normalcy returning even in this situation that is anything but normal. 

You’re both stupid and stubborn and there’s no way this ends without someone having a broken heart, but for now it’s okay. For now, it’s all Seungmin needs; to be close to you and touch you and hold you and know that you were his, for however brief and false a time it may have been.

“Do you think we should share a guest room to make this more believable?” you mumble while walking through the halls of the Hwang Castle, hand intertwined with Seungmin’s while he carries both his luggage and your own. Hyunjin obviously prepared your rooms separately as you haven’t announced your relationship to him yet- not that it’s going to last much longer anyways. Whether you end up with Hyunjin by night's end or not, your fake relationship with Seungmin can’t proceed beyond this. 

“I dunno,” Seungmin replies, though your question was more absentminded musing than a genuine question you were expecting to have answered by him. “Maybe? Technically speaking, we’ve been “dating” for a couple months now. It’d probably be normal.” You hum and contemplate his answer for a moment before you look at Seungmin with a smile. “Let’s share my room then! Hyunjin always gives me the biggest room available.” 

“I fucking knew it,” Seungmin says in faux-exasperation as you giggle. He always felt like his guest rooms were smaller than yours; and he doesn't actually care, but it's fun to act like it bothers him, and it's even better to hear you laugh. “Spoiled brat. Still need luxury even when you’re in someone else’s place, huh?”

“Naturally. What kind of princess would I be if I didn’t get the best of everything?” He rolls his eyes despite the way a smile tugs on his lips and a laugh threatens to break. You turn a hall, and finally your guest rooms begin to come into sight- you've been to Hyunjin's place enough to know the layout, but it still doesn't make getting to the guest hall any less of a trek.

Seungmin unlinks your hands when you approach the double doors of the castle's best guest room, fumbling in his pocket for the keys you were given for just a moment before he finds the right one. He unlocks the door, walks inside with you and sets your luggage down in the corner of the room before turning to look at you. “You sure you want me to stay? I don’t mind going to my own room,” Seungmin offers and you quickly shake your head- maybe a little too quickly, but you won’t acknowledge how eager for him to stay you seem. 

“Well, I’ll probably need help getting ready,” you say; an excuse, sure, but it’s reasonable at least. But what about after that? When the ball is over and so too is your act, regardless of whether you get results with Hyunjin or not- would Seungmin still stay? Would you want him to stay? You think you would; you don’t know what that means or what it says about you, but it’s honestly what you’d want.

“If you’re sure, don’t mind if I make myself comfortable then,” Seungmin says as he flops himself on the extravagant guest bed. There’s still a couple of hours until the ball, and since he won’t take nearly as long getting ready as you, he decides it’s a good idea to get in a short nap. Traveling always makes him tired, after all- especially when he’s going from your castle all the way to Hyunjin’s. He yawns and stretches out before he closes his eyes, and your eyes linger on him fondly for a moment before you turn to where Seungmin set your luggage. 

You rummage through your bags for everything you need to get ready; toiletries, makeup, your dress- you collect them all in your arms and carry them to the attached bathroom. You spend a fair amount of time in the shower, going over every skincare step meticulously and making sure you’re as soft as can be- not that it matters, really, since nothing is going to happen but.. You feel more confident in yourself after going through the motions. You’re careful and methodical in the application of your makeup too; you can’t rush if you want to look perfect.

You hold your dress up to your body and imagine briefly how you’ll look in it while standing in front of the large, ornate mirror. That’s the downside to ordering online- you have no idea how the dress will actually fit you, but you hope you’ll look nice. Nerves hit you again as you look at yourself, but you swallow them down the best you can as you lie the dress on the sink counter. You don’t know what you’re hoping for tonight anymore- whether you want Hyunjin to see you with Seungmin and get jealous, or if you want him to think you are a sweet couple and support you sincerely. 

It doesn’t matter either way; nothing about this is genuine. And you’re not sure if you can be happy with yourself if Hyunjin is jealous and realizes he likes you over a lie. But you’ve come this far, you’re already here and Seungmin has reassured you over and over again that this is something he thinks you should see through, so.. That’s all you have left to do. Just see it through until the end. 

Getting your underwear on, and then carefully slipping on your dress- here is where you need Seungmin’s help. It’s near impossible for you to pull up the zipper that lies along the spine of your dress, even if you stretch and reach behind you as far as your arm can go. Holding a hand to your chest so that the dress doesn’t slip back down your body, you carefully open the bathroom door and peek outside into the main room.

You weren’t sure if Seungmin really fell asleep after you’d left him alone in the room, but peeking out now, you can tell that he has. He’s in the same position on the bed as when you left him, his eyes serenely closed and breathing steady. You call his name, but he doesn’t react; so you try once more, raising your voice this time, but you’re still met with nothing in response. You step out of the bathroom and up to the bed cautiously, and you make one last effort to wake him by calling his name just in case.

It doesn’t work, of course; you didn’t really think it would anyways if you’re being honest, but it didn’t hurt to try. You cautiously reach out to his shoulder, and do your best to rouse him awake while still holding your dress up with your other hand. Seungmin slowly blinks awake, mumbling something you can’t decipher as his senses slowly return to reality one by one.

He blinks a few times more, processing the sight before him; you leaning towards him, your dress loosely covering your body with the support of the hand not placed on his shoulder. He refuses to let his eyes linger on the image of your barely concealed cleavage before him, instead putting all of his effort into looking back up to your face. "Need my help now?" he correctly assumes, and you nod as you straighten back up.

Seungmin sits up from the bed, watches you as you turn to return to the bathroom, expecting him to follow. He does his best to ignore what the sight of your exposed skin does to him; the only reason he has this view is because you trust him and view him as a best friend- he really can't afford to be having any impure thoughts about you. (A little late for that in all honesty, but he'll atone for it later.)

The door is wide open, but he knocks on the doorframe to announce himself before he steps through- a sign of respect and decency. "Thanks," you smile at him briefly as he steps inside the bathroom and takes his place behind you. "I can't zip it up on my own," you explain, and yeah, he can see that clearly; the bottom of the zipper lies on your tailbone, your panties ever so slightly peeking in the v-shape the zipper creates with the two sides of your dress.

He swallows and pretends he doesn't notice, instead looking to where the zipper ends just around your shoulder blades. “Do you think Hyunjin will think I look good?” you can’t help but ask as Seungmin’s hand falls to your zipper, slowly pulling it up. It gives you goosebumps- not the cold zipper on your skin, but the way his hand feels just over your spine, running along it as he zips up your dress.

You're not sure what reply you hope to hear; maybe it's a question with no right answer. “If he’s smart, he will,” Seungmin answers; he’d have to be an idiot not to. “You’re beautiful." You flush as you look at him in the mirror, standing behind you but not at all obscured thanks to your smaller frame. 

You know he means it- he teases and he pretends, but he’d never lie about something like that. You already know that to be true; he’s said it himself- that the thing’s he says with a serious tone are the things he really means. He’s not looking at you, his eyes fixed on your back until he’s finished with the zipper, ignoring the way the hooks of your bra stare back at him until your dress closes and they are obscured from his sight, the way they should be.

He finally meets your gaze again when he’s done, meeting your eyes through the reflection of the mirror. Your face feels impossibly hot, and you hope he thinks the pink on your face is from the makeup you applied as opposed to the real blush it is. You still have things to do- put on your accessories, fix-up and style your hair, put on your prettiest pair of heels, but even without all that flashy glamor added on, Seungmin already thinks you’re radiant as can be.

Though he’s done with the zipper, his hand hasn’t left your back yet, and neither of you have broken the gaze you keep in the mirror. There’s a moment where you think he’ll turn you around and kiss you, or that you’ll kiss him; and truly, he wants to, but he shouldn’t. This night is supposed to be about you and Hyunjin, and you don’t need the ‘practice’ anymore- it was only ever an excuse to begin with. 

He clears his throat as he lets you go, and you turn your gaze away from the mirror, swallowing down all your feelings and nerves as you rummage through your bag for the accessories you brought with you. “It won’t take me much longer to get ready,” you say as you continue to rummage through your bag- you found what you need, but taking it out means having to meet Seungmin’s gaze, and you’re not ready to do that again just yet.

“Right, I should get ready too,” Seungmin mumbles mostly to himself as he turns to leave. You don’t look up from your bag, even as he lingers in the doorway. You can tell he stopped to look at you, you can feel his eyes observing you, but still you don’t glance up at him. “Yeah, not much time left ‘til we gotta go,” you say, and he responds with a simple, quiet ‘yeah’ before he fully walks out into the main room. 

There’s a sense of dread that lingers- both of you having a similar feeling weighing on your hearts, while ironically thinking you feel it all by yourself, that the other person doesn’t possibly feel the same way. A situation that would easily be mended by communication, but the gap between what you perceive to be true, and the real truth is not so easily crossed. The metaphoric rope that connects you and Seungmin together is frayed, and you worry that an uncomfortable conversation will cause that connection to completely snap. 

So you swallow your feelings once more, you put on your earrings and style your hair, and you realign your focus. You can’t keep thinking about what your affection for Seungmin means or why the thought of this ending tonight weighs on you so heavily. You’re close to getting what you’ve been working for, and that should be where your thoughts linger- on Hyunjin. The best friend you’ve always thought you had feelings for, the one you believed yourself to be in love with. 

Stepping inside the ballroom with Seungmin is utterly nerve wracking; it’s the moment you’ve been waiting for, the moment that 3 months of fake relationship practice were leading up to. This is where you show your best performance, where you parade around on Seungmin’s arm and look at him with the best heart eyes you can muster. Not that it’s a hard task, these days- you find yourself doing it without even thinking about it. 

You.. like him, if you had to guess. But do you like him more than you thought you liked Hyunjin? You guess that’s the answer you’re really trying to find tonight. You never thought it’s where you’d be today when you first conjured up this plan, there was no way to anticipate how much your newfound closeness with Seungmin would affect the feelings you thought you were so sure of. 

It’s natural to be confused, isn’t it? Surely anyone would be in this scenario; you can’t kiss and hug and cuddle someone for so long and feel nothing, right? And it’s your own fault, you can’t blame anyone but yourself for the predicament you’ve found yourself in. You reap what you sow, as your grandmother likes to say. “Don’t be so on edge, everything’ll work out,” Seungmin leans to whisper in your ear. 

You’ve been so tense ever since you left the guest room together- half nervous to see Hyunjin again after months and half ‘oh my god why does Seungmin look so good tonight.’ As if it wasn’t enough that you were confused about your feelings, Seungmin had to come out looking so devastatingly handsome in his perfectly tailored suit and neatly slicked hair. “Yeah, you’re right, sorry,” you respond and he shakes his head, offers a reassuring smile before he looks around the room.

“He’s around here somewhere, we’ll see him soon enough,” Seungmin says as his eyes continue to scan the packed ballroom. Oh, that makes sense- he thinks you’re tense because you haven’t run into Hyunjin yet. If things were the same as a few months ago, you think that may have been true. Now.. you’re not really sure what’s true. Hyunjin will see you as a couple and he’ll either silently rage with envy or beam with joy for his two best friends- and you don’t know which outcome is the one you want anymore. 

“Oh, I think I see him,” Seungmin mutters to you, and discreetly points in the direction he thinks he’s found your other best friend. You see him now too, standing near the balconies looking bored out of his mind, champagne glass in hand. He’s not looking at anything in particular, just vaguely observing his surroundings while occasionally sipping from his drink- probably hoping you two will show up soon and save him from his boredom. 

You take a breath, wrap your arms around Seungmin's own arm and squeeze it close to your chest. “Now or never,” you mutter and he nods, steeling himself for the penultimate moment just as do. “Hyunjin!” you call from across the hall, dragging Seungmin along with you as you half-sprint up to him, your designer heels loudly clanking on the marble floor. Hyunjin returns your smile when he spots you, and laughs when he sees Seungmin practicly scowling as he’s dragged along- it’s classic, really; you always do things like this to them. Just strong arm them along everywhere you want to go, through everything you want to do. 

“Hey! I’m glad you both made it, it’s been forever,” Hyunjin smiles as you complete your approach. He feels bad he hasn’t seen either of his best friends in months, but royal duties and all.. It kept him very unfortunately occupied. He looks at you both inquisitively when you don’t let go of Seungmin’s arm or untangle yourself from him- normally you would have by now, having reached the destination you wanted to drag him to. It’s.. curious, to say the least. 

Your hand goes from being wrapped around Seungmin and holding his arm, to intertwining your fingers as you hold his hand. Hyunjin raises a brow, but says nothing- he’ll wait for one of you to clear up what he’s thinking. “Mhm, we’ve been waiting to see you in person to tell you something important!” you say as you squeeze Seungmin’s hand, shooting him your best lovey dovey look before you bring your gaze back to Hyunjin. 

Seungmin wants to sigh and roll his eyes and call you dumb for looking at him like that, but he bites his tongue. It’s the last time you’ll ever shoot him with that look of pure puppy love, and it’s best not to ruin it by defaulting to his usual personality; cherish it while you have it, as they say. “Well spit it out then, don’t keep me on the edge of my seat,” Hyunjin’s smile grows, looking between the two of you with eager anticipation to hear the confession that lingers on your tongue. 

Hyunjin’s positive reaction deters you a little; surely he can see that you’re clinging to Seungmin to an unusual degree, but he doesn’t seem to react to it negatively at all- not even minutely. There’s no subtle furrow of the brow, no flash of sadness in his eyes that gets replaced by forced happiness, no twitch in his hands from jealousy or frustration. Seungmin was right, as always- Hyunjin is just going to be a good friend. He won’t have a single negative thing to say. 

“W-Well, we.. uh-” you stumble on your words, and curse yourself for floundering at the most pivotal moment. This is what everything you’ve done has been leading up to, you can’t falter now.. and yet, you are. You look at Seungmin and your grip on his hand tightens, panic unwittingly settling in as a lump forms in your throat. He flashes you a look of sympathy, squeezes your hand in a subtle show of comfort, before he turns away from your gaze to look at Hyunjin. 

He doesn’t like it, but he’ll take the lead from here- for your sake. “We’re dating,” he says as confidently and smoothly as he can bring himself to. He lets go of your hand and wraps his arm around your waist, pulls you closer for added effect, sincerely tries his best to spark the jealousy he knew you wanted to see. But Hyunjin doesn’t look jealous, or sad, or even angry. He just looks.. happy. 

“Gosh, finally! Congrats! I always knew you two would end up together,” Hyunjin grins and gives Seungmin a friendly pat on the shoulder. You blink as you stare between them. Huh..? Finally? What does that mean? Even Seungmin is taken aback, and mirrors what you were internally thinking. Unlike you, his utterly shocked ‘huh?’ comes out verbally. “Yeah, I always saw the way you were looking at her, Minnie. You were so obvious, I knew it was only a matter of time,” Hyunjin says with enthusiastic joy that sends you completely off kilter.

What the fuck. You feel like your entire world has been flipped upside down. What does he mean he always saw the way Seungmin looked at you? How did he look at you..? How does he look at you? Hyunjin’s puzzled now as he looks between you both; you look like your entire sense of reality has been shifted, while Seungmin looks positively mortified. “Sorry, uh- did he not mention that when he confessed?” Hyunjin asks, and then shit- maybe you were the one who confessed.

Seungmin is stubborn and aloof in his cool persona, he's the type to avoid saying what he really thinks by using teasing words, will only look at you softly when he thinks no one else is looking his way.. Hyunjin can easily imagine that he has yet to admit the true depth of his secret pining, or confessed how much he actually likes you. He feels bad for outing Seungmin if that’s the case. 

“My bad, I assumed you knew since you’re dating now and all,” he laughs a bit awkwardly while shooting Seungmin a sympathetic look. One that’s meant to say ‘sorry for blowing your stubborn, cool-guy persona.’ It’s just.. Hyunjin thought it was as obvious to you as it was to him. The way his hard expression would soften the minute you smiled at him, how he’d laugh when you’d banter back after he said something teasing and mean, how his eyes would always linger on even if there were countless other people in the room.. Wasn’t it obvious he liked you this entire time? 

“I guess I’m just surprised to hear you call it out,” you try to recover from the blatant shock, play it off as something different than it is- as if you knew all along, and you’re just surprised that Hyunjin knew too. Hyunjin chuckles a little, looking a bit more relieved after your statement. “Sorry if I ruined the illusion of Seungmin being the cool, aloof type. He’s actually a big softie, but I guess you’ve realized that by now,” he smiles. 

“Yeah I, uh- I’ve realized that,” you smile back, a bit tensely, but a smile nonetheless, “That’s what I like about him.” Seungmin, still trying to recover from his own world being flipped upside down, finally looks at you again. He doesn’t know what to say, doesn’t know how to recover from this wildly unexpected turn in the conversation. Still realizing he has his hand on your waist, and unsure where you now stand and whether or not this is appropriate or okay anymore, he hesitantly lets you go. 

You hold his hand when he does, but it doesn’t feel like solace or consolation the way it normally would. Not hollow, or empty, but just.. not full of the same warmth it normally carries. He’s so impossibly anxious and scared- that you’re furious with him, that you’ll cut him off when the night is over, that you’ll accuse him of sabotaging this whole thing by agreeing to be your pretend boyfriend when he had very real feelings for you. 

In reality you just feel terrible about yourself and what you’ve caused. You already felt bad before the night began, and now you feel even worse- you never would’ve asked Seungmin to do this if you'd known he had feelings for you. And now his feelings were called out in the worst way possible, and you don’t think you’ll ever scrub how mortified Seungmin looked in that moment from your memory. And it was entirely your fault. 

He should’ve been allowed the chance to tell you on his own terms, and you ruined that chance. You probably also ruined any chance at having a normal relationship with him if you wanted one- because how do you recover from the humiliation of being called out on something you thought was a well guarded secret, right in front of the very person that secret was about. This entire time, he’s liked you, maybe even loved you, and you undeniably hurt him. 

He tried to deter you, he told you this wouldn’t work and he tried to resist but you pressed and pushed and prodded until he gave in. And while you could argue some of his acts were not entirely selfless, as you’re sure he must’ve enjoyed kissing you and being close to you knowing what you do now, how could you blame him for indulging in a love with someone he wanted to be with while expecting, believing, knowing, it would come to an end when you got what you wanted. 

All those years you spent pining over Hyunjin, Seungmin spent them pining over you, and he just listened, he took it in, and he never stopped supporting you, not even once. Even tonight, when it was probably breaking his heart to do so, he tried his best to reassure you, he tried to make Hyunjin jealous on your behalf.. And he complained, sure he did, but it was more part of the usual banter between you two than jealousy or hurt. At least, that’s what you always thought it was.. You never imagined there’d be anything more hiding beneath the surface. 

You should’ve known, though. It should’ve been obvious- how can you call yourself Seungmin’s best friend and not have realized? And it’s not that you missed the signs because you were willfully ignorant, but you were so tunnel-visioned, selfish, and absorbed that you never stopped to notice any of the changes. It wasn’t even until recently that you realized how much a wall he’d put up, how much he’d forced distance between you..

It makes sense, in hindsight; that it wasn’t for your sake that he stopped doing certain things and acting certain ways, but his own. While you were watching Hyunjin like a hawk for any sign that he might like you, you missed all the signs Seungmin left. You never noticed a single thing, and being reminded of how selfishly you’d spent the teenage years of your friendship makes your heart ache terribly.

“Hey uh, sorry to cut this short but.. I think Seungmin’s feeling embarrassed. Might be in need of a reset, y’know?” you say, trying to come across as a happy girlfriend stealing the chance to tease her boyfriend while also still having his best interest at heart. You look at Seungmin, try to offer him reassurance despite the situation, but he doesn’t look back at you. He’s facing Hyunjin, but he doesn’t look at him either, not really. It feels like he’s far away, somewhere distant that you can’t reach, busy reconstructing all the walls he’d let fall away, trying to build them back up as high as he can in preparation for the heartbreak he’s soon to face. 

“Of course,” Hyunjin smiles, giving his full blessing, “just come find me again later! I’d rather be a third wheel with you two lovebirds than listen to my father drone on about tax management again.” You giggle a bit and nod, waving him goodbye and forcing Seungmin out of his haze by dragging him away with you. You glance around as you push through the crowd for a private space to talk- your guest room is much too far away and the tension while going back would likely be too much for either of you to bear; better to find somewhere nearby to have this conversation. 

You fail to make it to a room after exiting the ballroom; Seungmin stops in the middle of the hallway, preventing you from dragging him along, and you’re forced to let him go and turn around to look at him. He’s pained and lost but he tries to bring himself back to the aloof persona he once had mastered, to not show how hurt and afraid he is right now. But the cracked mask that is his cool facade has splintered irreparably, and you can only see him for who he really is now. 

“Sorry it didn’t work out how you wanted. Sucks, and I know you must be hurt, but don’t give up, you can still try again, maybe there’s something else you haven’t thought of yet, you can-” Seungmin speaks in a quick ramble, not even acknowledging the massive elephant in the room- his feelings for you. “Seungmin,” you cut him off with a frown, and he’s hesitant to meet your gaze; he doesn’t know what he’ll be met with, and try as he might to reconstruct himself back to the person he was before this whole thing started, he knows deep down it’d be in vain. 

Your friendship has been irrevocably changed, and to pretend otherwise would be futile. Still, he can’t stop himself from trying- it’s all he can think to do. “You have feelings for me,” you state it plainly, and Seungmin swallows but says nothing. Doesn’t confirm, nor deny, because both options seem fucking terrible if he’s honest. Denying it is pointless and would just be a blatant lie, and confirming, making it clear that he agreed to be your fake boyfriend despite his feelings for you.. He doesn’t know how that makes him look.

In Seungmin’s head, you’ll either view him as pathetic or as a saboteur, and neither is ideal. “Why didn’t you ever tell me? If I’d known I’d never have..” He scoffs at your sentiment and looks at you incredulously. “And why would I have? You’ve been obsessed with Hyunjin for years. And I’m supposed to tell you how I feel? Be serious, Y/N, there’s no way I could’ve ever told you. And even if I had, you would’ve rejected me, so what would’ve been the point?” 

“I-” you want to say that’s not true, that you wouldn’t have rejected him or broken his heart, but who are you kidding? It absolutely fucking is. It hurts to hear it this way, but he isn’t wrong about any of it. Still, just because he’s right, that doesn’t mean you’re entirely wrong either. Even if you’d have rejected him, surely he still should’ve been honest with you? You’d never have done this if you’d known. 

You made mistakes, but so did he.. right? You know you've been selfish for way too long, but you're not the kind of person to intentionally hurt a friend. You never would've dragged Seungmin through the mud just to get what you want, and the fact that he hid his feelings and allowed himself to be hurt just to make you happy.. That's not the kind of thing you want him to do.

Your friendship shouldn't be built on Seungmin's self-sacrifice, he shouldn't allow himself to be second place just to make you and Hyunjin happy. To be selfless is a virtue, but too much can leave him with nothing, and that's been your concern since the day you realized how selfish you've been. You realized that Seungmin will give, and give, and give, and he'll never ask you for anything in return. But that’s not what friendship and love should be built upon. Surely he understands that you never wanted this- for your best friend to offer himself up as your emotional martyr.

And with the confusion of your feelings compounding on it, the realization that maybe it’s Seungmin who you love while your infatuation with Hyunjin was hardly more than a fairytale childhood crush- how are you supposed to live with yourself after causing unspeakable heartache to him? And would he even believe you if you told him that you love him? You don’t even know if you can believe yourself.

He sees how hurt you are, the confusion and the guilt and the sorrow, and the anger that grew within him instantly deflates. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have snapped you, I just- I need to be alone,” Seungmin mutters his apology and walks briskly past you, towards the direction of the guest hall.

You call to him, but he doesn’t stop or turn around, and you don’t follow. You want to, but you know you should respect that he needs time to himself; he has a lot to process, as you’re sure you do too. You owe it to him, yourself, and even Hyunjin, to sort out your feelings too.

Seungmin didn't see you or Hyunjin again that night, couldn't bring himself to keep playing the pretend boyfriend after every thing that happened. He went to your guest room for his stuff, isolated himself in his own room for the remainder of the evening, leaving the door to your room unlocked and the key resting on the desk so you could get in and out without having to speak with him.

He felt bad about it, but he just couldn't face you again; it was too difficult. Apparently, you returned to the ballroom alone and told Hyunjin the truth. Seungmin knows because he woke up in the middle of the night to countless texts from Hyunjin- apologizing, saying he didn't know, offering his condolences and to be there for him. It fucking sucked, made him feel like even more of a pathetic loser.

You told Hyunjin the truth because it felt like the right thing to do following what happened; he would've known eventually anyways, so it felt better to rip the band-aid off right away. And you confessed a lot more than just that; you told Hyunjin everything. About how this whole thing started, about your confusion on how you felt now, about how terribly your heart ached after realizing how much damage you'd caused.

Hyunjin offered you his shoulder to cry on, hugged you and apologized even though he didn’t need to, and ironically, that’s partly what gave you the answer you were looking for. Because your heart didn’t pound when he hugged you, you didn’t get butterflies when he wiped your tears, your face didn’t flush when offered his hand for support. It was so platonic- and the only time you smiled was when he said he was sure Seungmin would forgive you and everything will work out.

It’s over a day when Seungmin finally sees you again; you have to pass through his city to get to yours, and so it always made sense to leave Hyunjin’s castle together when traveling home. The ride is tense and awkward, to say the least. You can’t bring yourself to say a word and neither can he, the two of you only taking peeks at each other when you’re sure the other isn’t looking. Seungmin stares out the window and you stare at your hands resting in your lap, while your driver compensates for the unusual atmosphere by turning up the radio.

Approaching Seungmin’s estate makes you indescribably emotional. A lump forms in your throat when the door is opened for him and he exits the car, you clench your fists and try to swallow down the intense emotion when the door closes and you watch him begin to walk away. It doesn’t feel right, none of this feels right. You’re worried that if you don’t talk now, then you never will; that the damage will be irreparable if you let the distance grow and feelings fester. You need to talk to Seungmin, and you need to do it now. 

You hastily unbuckle your seatbelt and open the car door, running out to chase after Seungmin and not stopping even as your driver calls to you from behind. Seungmin, who is almost to his front door, turns around when he hears the commotion, and is surprised to see you quickly approaching him. “What are you doing..?” he can’t help but ask; really though, he shouldn’t be surprised. You always do things like this, and once you’ve made a decision to do something, you’ll stubbornly stick to that decision ‘til the end. You’ve decided you’re going to talk to him, and he knows there’ll be no getting out of it.

“We need to talk,” you assert yourself clearly, even go as far as to step past him and into his house before he can. What a brat; he almost smiles from how familiar it is. The guards who were holding the door open for Seungmin look a little puzzled, but they make no comment- it’s not their place to do so. Seungmin doesn’t see you when he steps inside, but it’s easy enough to guess where you went. 

And he finds you exactly where he expected to, waiting for him right outside his bedroom door. Now or never, he thinks as he unlocks it, offering for you to step inside first. You do just that, waiting until follows behind and closes the door to speak. “What are we now? Friends? More than friends? ..Neither?” you cut straight to the chase, leaving no room for awkward and unnecessary pre-emptive small talk. “I don’t know. Isn’t that up to you?” Seungmin says, stepping past you to sit on his bed. 

You frown as you watch him, but stay firm. “It shouldn’t be entirely up to me. What do you want?” “Does it matter what I want?” Seungmin cuts back. It’s a bit harsh, but he’s still trying to defend against his heart getting torn to shreds; you can’t entirely blame him. “Of course it matters,” you tell him, voice soft with pain. “Sorry,” he mumbles again, sighing as he flops back and stares at the ceiling. He knows he needs to stop snapping at you, his pain isn’t all in your hands. It takes two to tango, and he did more than his fair share of leading the dance. 

Honesty scares him. Raw emotion scares him. Telling you how he’s always felt about you scares him, and telling you what he hopes you’ll be scares him. But that fear has always been a hindrance, and he needs to stop being shackled by it; especially when you’re trying so hard to hear what he really has to say. “I’ve always liked you, for years I’ve liked you. But you.. I didn’t think there was anything I could do. So I just.. didn't do anything.” 

You sit down next to him, looking down at him as you do, and he in turn moves his gaze towards you. You can see the apprehension in his eyes, and maybe it’s presumptuous of you to do so, but you lay your hand over his in an effort to reassure him. He looks a bit surprised, but he accepts it, and rotates his hand around so you can hold it properly. “I try not to, but even now I still want to be with you,” he admits, and it’s not easy for him to do, but he can’t shove down how he feels anymore- not if he wants a chance with you. 

“So I didn’t ruin what we have?” you ask and Seungmin quickly sits up, squeezing your hand as he does. “Of course not, I mean- I was.. upset and I took it out on you, but.. You could never ruin anything,” he says, emphasizing the point by moving closer to you; and it makes you feel warm and happy. Because he’s bridging the gap on his own, willingly putting his walls back down, leaving the mask off.

“I'm so sorry for everything, I really am. And it's okay if you don't want to, but can we go back to what we were before? Well- not before before, but like- when you were my fake boyfriend. But not fake this time either, I want you to be my real boyfriend, and-” You’re rambling, you know, but you’re just trying to be clear, you just don’t want to mess this up again, so-

“Shut up already, idiot,” Seungmin says, an affectionate smile and lilt in his voice before he’s pressing his lips to yours to stop your rambling himself. “Don’t be an asshole when I’m pouring my heart out,” you complain, smiling despite yourself. “I thought you wanted to go back to before though?” he says with a grin, and you roll your eyes and shove him, mumbling ‘I hate you’ while he chuckles. And it feels good. It feels like everything you’ve been missing and everything you needed. No tension, no dread, no fear- the way it should have always been.

You kiss him first this time, and he pulls you in closer, lets you crawl your way into his lap the way you’ve wanted to for weeks at this point (not that he’s even aware how much you’ve fantasized about it- at least, you hope he hasn’t.) “I missed you,” you breathe as you settle on his lap, and he pulls away, looks up at you with the smug smile that tells you a smartass comment is going to follow. “We were only apart for like, a day,” he can’t help himself from saying, laughing softly when you pout and whine. 

“I know that! But it was the most miserable day of my life, I’ll have you know,” you huff, pout growing as you turn your face away and cross your arms. Seungmin’s expression softens, and he reaches out to your face, rests his hand on your cheek and urges you to look at him again. He understands, he really does; it was just as miserable for him. So many doubts and fears wreaking havoc on his brain and making him assume the worst had still yet to come. “I missed you too,” he mumbles softly, earnestly and a bit shy. 

Seungmin isn’t used to vulnerability and honesty, but he’ll get used to it for you. He’ll learn to tell you over and over again how much he loves you if that’s what you need. And the dynamic you have is fun; you like the banter, the teasing, and how much affection lies beneath the surface of his spoken words. You don’t expect him to completely change, nor do you want him to; but he can stand to be a little more open with his feelings. Just a little.

"Got you to admit it," you smile, and he scoffs when he realizes he's been duped. He calls you a brat, lovingly and affectionately, before he’s kissing you again. You push him backwards onto the bed, gentle but still assertive, continuing to kiss him while his hands find purchase on your hips. He lets out that little sigh as you kiss him- the one that always drives you crazy and makes your stomach do flips.

You used to feel guilt over what that noise caused you to think, the way it caused your body to react and where it led your mind to wander. You wonder if it’s okay now; to allow your mind to go there, if Seungmin would be okay with going further than you’ve gone before- kissing new spots, touching new places, experiencing new sensations. You wonder if he’s thought about it as much as you have, and if guilt made him swallow it down when he did, same as you. 

In the few months of your fake relationship, despite all that practiced closeness and kissing, you never made out- you’ve gotten close, hands starting to roam slightly too close to an intimate place, tongues just seconds away from passing parted lips, but one of you would always stop when you realized you were about to get carried away. And he’d gotten hard more than once, but you always pretended not to notice, acting like you didn’t feel it pressing into your thigh while your legs were tangled together. 

Acknowledging it would’ve meant confronting feelings you weren’t ready to at the time, and there was always the possibility it meant nothing, that it was just a physical reaction independent of his brain and how he felt about you. But now that you know all that you do, you hope it means he’s always wanted more with you.. And you have to admit, the self restraint it’d take not to act on his desires makes him all the more appealing. What can you say except consent is key, and knowing he has self control even when he wants you bad is sexy.

He does it again- that unconscious squeeze of your hips the more you kiss him, and you wonder what exactly it stems from; a desire to have you as close as possible, a way to ground himself as he gets worked up, or maybe even both. You hope it's both. You pull away from his kiss, sitting up and staring down at him, your hands lingering on his chest. “I want to ask you something,” you speak softly, voice almost a whisper, face growing impossibly hot. “And don’t give me a smartass reply, or I’m leaving!” You follow up sternly, and Seungmin chuckles, grabs one of the hands you have resting on his chest, and intertwines your fingers. 

“I won’t, promise,” he says, not a hint of teasing in his voice or his smile. As fun as it is to tease you and poke fun, he can tell when the moment calls for him to be earnest and take you seriously. You breathe a sigh of relief, or maybe you’re letting out a breath to ground yourself before you speak; either way, Seungmin watches you attentively, a bit puzzled but entirely patient. “Do you.. Did you ever think about, uh- doing more when we were kissing..?” you ask, nervously chewing on your lip as you wait for him to respond.

“Oh,” Seungmin blinks, his own face growing hot alongside yours. He promised he’d give an honest, serious answer, but even if he didn’t, he doubts he would’ve been able to play it off. Looking into your eyes while he tries to admit it makes the words lodge in his throat, so he turns his head and looks away, the hot red of his blush burning all the way to the tips of his ears. Same as when he admitted he wanted to kiss you, all he says is “yes.” No elaboration, no ifs, whens, or buts; just yes. And that’s all he needs to say, really. It speaks for itself.

He hesitates to look back at you and see your reaction, but the moment he does turn his head, you’re kissing him again, more eager and impassioned than you ever have before, the noise of surprise he lets out muffled by your lips. Your tongue peeks out, just barely brushes over his own, almost cautiousm and an involuntary noise of approval escapes you when you feel his tongue slip past his lips to meet yours.

You separate your hand from Seungmin’s, and he brings his hand back to your hip while yours returns to his chest. You open your mouth for him, invite his tongue further in, and he squeezes your hips once more when you do. The feeling of his tongue sliding against yours is dizzying, makes your stomach fill to the brim with butterflies, excitement building in your gut in ways you’ve never experienced. 

You feel him growing hard beneath you, and you don’t ignore it the way you would have before; you purposely press into it, grind yourself down on Seungmin’s lap and swallow the gasp he lets out. You lose track of how long you stay like this, grinding on his lap while your tongues swirl around each other's, your heavy breaths and every noise swallowed by the other. You’re out of breath by the time you finally pull away, your chests rapidly rising and falling, his shirt twisted in your palms. 

Seungmin looks almost dazed, and to be fair, you sort of are too; neither of you ever expected you’d be here like this. To Seungmin, you were unobtainable; someone he loved but could never have, and he tried so many times to make his peace with it, though he never could. There's a part of him that still can’t even believe you’re choosing him, that thinks maybe this is a dream he’ll soon wake up from. And in your case, it took you too long to realize your priorities were wrong, and your feelings didn’t always mean what you thought they did; that love is more than what looks good and correct on paper. 

You realized you don’t need perfection and matching titles and fairytale romance. Love doesn’t follow a formula, it doesn’t adhere to standards of nobility and preconceived notions on who a princess should love. You have two best friends, and they’re both vitally important to you, but the one you truly fell in love with turned out to be so opposite from what you thought your type truly was. You love Seungmin, with his quips, sarcasm, imperfections, and all. It’s unfortunate you didn’t realize it sooner, but you’re happy you’re sure of it now. And now that you have him, you’re never letting him go. 

“I want you,” you tell him, and though you’re the most shy you’ve ever been, and can’t quite look him in the eye as you admit it, you still get it out, clear and direct. It’s impressive, enviable, how shyness doesn’t prevent you from ever speaking your mind. “Do you.. want me too?” you ask, and he can feel your hands trembling as you continue to hold onto his shirt, waiting for his answer with bated breath. “Yes,” he assures; always has, and always will. 

You smile before you lean down to capture his lips in another kiss, wet, hot and messy. “This okay?” you pull away just slightly to ask, still so close that he can feel your every breath on his lips, your hand traveling down his chest and over his stomach. More than okay, he wants to say, but all that he can manage to let out is another “yes.” Your fingers ghost over the hem of his pants, his breath hitching when you palm him over the fabric.

It’s embarrassing how much pre-cum has stained and moistened the fabric of his pants, and he’s sure you can feel it beneath your hand. He closes his eyes, furrows his brows as he tries not to become flustered and increasingly more red. A breathy groan escapes him when you slide your hand inside, your hand encircling his cock, and he opens his eyes to look at you, twitching involuntarily when he sees the hungry look in your eyes. 

You kiss him when he starts to bite at his lip, greedily swallow every groan that tumbles out of him. Seungmin can’t believe how much better your hand feels than his own, how soft and warm and perfect- and when you pull away from his lips to stare down at him, he looks up at you like you hold the entire world in your hands. You’ve never done this before, but instinct carries you far, and if Seungmin’s reactions are any sign, you’re doing a good enough job so far. 

Carefully removing your hand from inside his pants and sitting up completely, you move your hands to the end of your dress, where it pools on your upper thighs, and take it in your hands, pulling it up and over your head, tossing it onto the floor behind you. Seungmin’s eyes grow wide, swallowing thickly as he stares at you. He wasn’t expecting it, but it makes sense that you’d do this; you’ve always been the type to act first and foremost. 

You smile at him, shy and sweet, but still impossibly confident too. You take his hands and bring them to your chest, let him grope you over your bra, and it sends him reeling. You’re assertive, direct, a go-getter; when you know you want something, you just go for it, simple as that. But still, this is.. you’re gonna drive him crazy before the night is over. You reach behind your back, unhook your bra with familiar ease, the straps sliding down your arm.

Seungmin swallows, knowing the moment he lets you go your bra will fall from your body and expose your chest to him. Deciding to take a page out of your book, and display some confidence despite the fact that his face is impossibly hot, he takes his hands away, lifts his back off the bed and pulls his own shirt off before he can get distracted by the image of you bare before him.

You toss your fallen bra aside, and he allows himself to stare for just a moment before he brings a hand to the nape of your neck and brings you down to kiss him. You squeak in surprise, but then he feels you smiling against his lips as you return his kiss. Mirroring what you did before, his hand travels between your thighs, feeling your heat over your panties. It’s a bit of an awkward reach that causes strain on his arm, but the minute he feels the wet patch, he doesn’t even fucking think about the strain anymore. 

Seungmin brings his fingers to the hem of your panties, glancing at you before he moves any further. You nod at him, giving him permission to slip his hand inside. And fuck, you’re soaked- he barely even has to move his fingers around to get them completely coated. “You’re- ‘s so wet,” he breathes out, almost amazed, and you whine, burying your face in his shoulder as some semblance of shyness finally clutches you.

“Your fault,” you mumble, and Seungmin chuckles, kissing the top of your head affectionately. “You’re cute when you’re being shy,” he tells you, and you quickly lift your head to glare at him. “Don’t get cocky, I will actually kill you,” you threaten. “And spend the rest of your life without me when just one day makes you miserable?” he teases, and you whine, grabbing one of his pillows and hitting him with it. 

“Remind me to never tell you when I miss you ever again,” you huff, and Seungmin coos, the menace that he is, before he pulls you into a sweet, passionate kiss. You easily melt into it, further complaints dying when his tongue touches yours. He takes your breasts in his hands again, thumbs rubbing over your nipples and making your entire body shudder. You gasp when he takes them between his fingers, squirming and whimpering when he rolls and softly pinches them. 

His cock unceremoniously twitches in response to your pleasured noises, each one driving him crazier than the last; he needs you bad. “Want you,” he mumbles against your lips, and you hum, pulling away to look at him. “Wanna fuck me?” you ask, head tilted as a coy smile plays on your lips. Fucking hell- you call him a menace, but you’re the real threat here; you make him insane. “Isn’t that obvious?” he asks, ignoring the heat on his face and trying to act as unphased by your words as possible. 

“Yeah, it is actually,” you smile and he scoffs, rolling his eyes as you giggle. Menace. You lift your hips off his lap, moving off to the side of the bed so you can slide your panties down your legs. He watches you intently, swallowing when you turn back to him and gaze at him expectantly. Right, he has to get undressed too. Lifting off the bed, he tries not to think about the fact that you’re staring at him as he pulls his pants and underwear down his thighs in one motion. 

You crawl back in his lap when he’s finished kicking the bunched fabric off his legs, neither of you paying any mind to where on his floor it lands. Seungmin’s brain feels like it’s going to short circuit while he’s staring at you; you’re beautiful, sexy, straddling his lap entirely naked, a moment he thought would only ever exist in his wet dreams. You take a breath, steady your nerves as you reach between your bodies to take his cock in your hand. 

It twitches in your hand, throbs as you align it with your dripping hole. You swallow, glancing back up at Seungmin’s face before you act. He can’t take your other hand in his as you’re using it to support your weight, so instead he reaches for your face, gently caressing your cheek with his thumb. You lean into his touch, smiling softly and indulging in his affection for just a moment before you start to slowly sink down on him. 

You squeeze your eyes shut, bottom lip caught between your teeth, nails digging into the flesh of his shoulder as you continue. Even just the sensation of the tip pushing inside is overwhelming, and the more of him you take, the more the pleasure in your gut builds. It’s unfamiliar, there’s a sting and a dull ache, but mostly it just feels good- better than anything you’ve ever felt. 

You open your eyes and look at Seungmin when your hips are finally flush with his, butterflies exploding when you see him struggling to keep himself together. His breaths are harsh and heavy, sweat dripping down his forehead, jaw clenched as he tries to prevent himself from cumming too fast. “You- you okay?” he asks, voice tense with effort, and you nod, leaning down to capture his lips in a hungry kiss. 

He throbs when you do, his hands moving to your hips and holding them tightly, your naked chests pressed together. When you’re ready, you experimentally roll your hips, whimpering softly into the kiss while you cling to his body. He groans with each slow roll of your hips, and it takes all he has not to bruise you in his grip and to stop his hips from chasing yours when you start to carefully bounce. 

It’s slow at first, still adjusting and finding the rhythm you're most comfortable with, what works for you and what feels good, but when you figure it out, God, please have mercy on him. The noises you make turn his brain into an absolute puddle, and when you whimper out his name he doesn’t think he’ll ever be able to recover. And the way you clench around him, the wet sounds between your legs and of your thighs slapping together each time your hips rise and fall back to his lap- he can’t fucking take it. 

“M-Minnie-” you gasp, your pace faltering, legs screaming from all the exertion. “C-Close, but- ‘m tired,” you whine and pout, doing your best to push through the fatigue, but you’re not sure how much longer you can. Your legs and knees ache terribly, having been bent long before his dick was even inside you, and they’re in desperate need of a break. “Wanna switch?” he asks and you quickly nod, uttering a small “please,” as you still your hips.

Seungmin helps you lie on your back, quickly taking his place between your legs and pressing himself back inside in one swift motion. You gasp, eyes rolling back when he starts to quickly fuck into you, your hands clutching and twisting the sheets beneath you. He grabs your hands and makes you hold his instead, intertwines your fingers and makes no complaint when your nails dig into the flesh under his knuckles. 

He kisses you desperately, tongue messily swirling around yours, swallowing every loud whimper and moan that spills from your throat. Tears prick the corners of your eyes, your stomach knots and twists, your entire body trembles from the overwhelming pleasure. You snake your dominant hand from out of his grip and bring it to your clit, rubbing it in quick, messy circles. He pulls away from your lips to look between your bodies and watch, cursing when you squeeze him tighter. 

Before you know it, you’re gasping and crying, body jolting and squirming as your orgasm washes over you, hot pleasure licking every inch of your body. Seungmin’s head falls forward, gritting his teeth as he sloppily fucks you through it, his own release not far behind. You’re breathless and panting, but you grab his face and pull him into another kiss regardless, and it sends him over the edge, his eyes rolling back as his cum shoots inside you in long, hot spurts. 

Seungmin pulls out slowly, carefully, paying no mind to the mess his cum trickling out of you makes on his blankets. It doesn’t matter, he can call someone to change the sheets for him later- right now he just wants to focus on you. He lies next to you and kisses you, over and over, holding you close to his chest and squeezing you in his arms. “Clingy, aren’t we?” you playfully mutter against his lips, and he can’t even bring himself to say something witty in response.

“Yeah,” he smoothly admits, not denying one bit how infatuated he is with you, “I’m obsessed with you. That a problem?” You blink, all the red that left your face instantly returning- you weren’t expecting a response like that, nor for him to say it so earnestly. “Not since I love you,” you say after you recover, smiling shyly and giggling when he seems surprised. “Do you?” he asks, and you pout; does he still not think you do, even after all that? 

“Of course I do! I love you so much, Minnie, you.. You’re the only one I want,” you speak from the heart, and Seungmin smiles, playful and smug. “I know. I just wanted to hear you say it again,” he tells you, and you shove him, whining loudly when he laughs. “You’re such an ass!” you cry, and he pulls you back to him, hugging you close and pecking your lips when you pout. “I love you too,” he says, so sweetly that it makes you melt. 

You stay cuddled together like that for some time, limbs tangled together, comfortable and secure. Neither of you wants to be the one to break away first, and though you teased him for it, you love how clingy Seungmin can be when he lets his guard down. You hope he leaves it down a lot from now on; because you love him, and with how stubborn you are, you’ll never let him be pried from your fingers. He’s yours, and you're his, now, forever, always.

It took longer than you would’ve liked to realize it, but this is the love you’ve always wanted. Seungmin completes you, he’s your missing piece, the one who understands you. Similar in the ways that matters, and contrasts you perfectly in the places you differ. You bicker and you tease and sometimes you fight, but you love with your whole hearts; and you’ll never again doubt that or be confused on what it is you want, because this is it. It’s not the fairytale you dreamed of as a kid, but it’s better than that; because it’s real, Seungmin’s love is real, and there’s nothing better you could ever ask for.

[missielynne]

CBS Ghosts Review: Holes Are Bad

Before I go on, I bet there will be a lot of repetition in this from all the other posts full of feels that I've been making but there are just so many feels that I couldn't save them all for just one review. Okay, moving on.

As I and I know many others feel, this is definitely one of the standouts of an admittedly only okay season (Although even here, when they come up with good ones, they're REALLY good) if not the whole series.

There are times when you have different plotlines and they don't connect well at all, and times when even the most different seeming plotlines can mix really well. The idea of dealing with literal and metaphorical holes as a connecting theme was really a good idea. (Although as I've said before, just coming up with a plotline of throwing Thor, Sas, and Isaac in a hole so they don't see Hetty die, thus her COD is a surprise to everyone was a bit too convenient for me, if I have one criticism.) However if they show us Patience (which I think they might, cause I mean why just bring up some random ghost who could very well have a grudge against Isaac right before something important that could be ruined because of said grudge..such as his wedding?) I could forgive it. The fact that his sneezing once again spelled doom for someone as it had with Nigel was a nice call back but really get that guy some meds or something. I do love the times when Isaac has actual knowledge that can solve problems that the ghosts have like knowing about possession or holes. It's nice seeing smart, capable Isaac.

I facepalmed for sure when we discovered that Thor had technically known where Flower was for ages but thanks to her wording and possibly his wish that she were in a better place, he interpreted it wrong (sort of like the game Telephone, maybe?) so Flower had to wait longer than she would have if it would have one of the other ghosts taking a walk at the edge of the property.

But it did my heart good that once everyone DID realize where she was, everyone just immediately was like "We gotta run out to the well and save Flower!" and there was no hesitation for ANYBODY, even like Isaac who is not especially close to Flower and who before now, I didn't think particularly thought of her in a friendly light. And I loved the ticking clock with the cement in the well too and the tension that added.

Speaking of tension...not having Jay and Sam there really enriched this episode, and I'm glad (even if it was just one of their clever ways of hiding Rose's pregnancy or whatever) that the show was willing to try something like that. Cause Ghosts is NOT the Sixth Sense where every ghost is an island who can't talk to anyone else and get help and just needs a living to get stuff done. No. I mean, Sam is needed for some things for sure but there are times when the ghosts are perfectly capable of just solving things amongst themselves, so use it! (Plus I think its extremely entertaining, too and I would like more.)

Which brings us to the big thing: Hetty and her death. Oh, my gosh. When she rolled her collar down and we saw the cord....and everyone's faces as she unraveled it...it was so powerful and so well acted by everyone, especially Rebecca.

And I feel like not only was she saving Flower by undoing the cord but also taking agency of what happened to her too. Now that she used the cord to save Flower, it's not just the tool of her demise, but something that was also used to save a friend. a tool of life as well as death, in a sense. You know...not that that erases the darker part of what it means but maybe it'll add a little light to the darkness too.

And I loved Flower thanking her. She was sincere, she was sweet, she was lucid...it was something that was taken seriously for the character. And sure we got old Flower back after, but it was so sweet. Now they've both help give one another new life.

And because I like ending on happy notes...I love that even the flashbacks had some funny moments, like Hetty giving the lawyer her number and it was just 4. Or just the absurdity of her asking her poor butler to take all the bullets the police are gonna shoot and he's just like "Yes, ma'am."

It was so meaningful and well-written, good juxtaposition between Hetty's story and Flower. (And were we really surprised to find out Ralph got sucked off? I think it was just confirmation for a lot of us. And nice to know Pete was right. It WAS a basement ghost!)

Now...next week it looks like we get powers from Pete, hopefully Carol moving on (although please let her and Flower meet before she goes,) and of course...one week closer to the Nisaac dinosaur wedding! Can't wait to see how this finishes off.

[kae-karo]

I saw your tags on the link click post and I love your theory that this isn't the first time lu guang has saved cxs. Would you happen to have the energy to expand on that? I'd... 👉👈 like to hear your thoughts (only if u want to though)

HELLO THANK U FOR THE OPPORTUNITY TO EXPAND ON THIS (for context - x) don't get me wrong i ADORE the sentiment in that post, but i am SO far down the "this isn't the first time lu guang has saved cheng xiaoshi" path that i can't come back lmao

before i say anything else, BUCKLE UP cause i have absolutely zero tangible proof and any canon reasoning for this is a stretch that would make a rubber band look rigid, but i can't stop thinking about it and i'm having fun so here we go

first and foremost: hat guy is a time cop ("cop"). hear me out, i promise this is relevant.

also sorry his name is liu xiao lmao (ignore the moment i thought his name was lu xiao and was about to be like he is the physical manifestation of lu guang and cheng xiaoshi's melding of their powers and/or their lovechild and/or their future combined self and/or- etc u get the idea)

AHEM. okay so. the first number of times we see liu xiao (as a kid and a friend of li tianchen) he seems relatively normal? although he does make a comment that stood out to me when i first watched ep9, where he says "i believe in the near future, you will definitely encounter the opportunity to become a hunter". when tianchen asks if they'll meet again, he says "surely we will" - and then, when they do, he reminds tianchen that he said they'd definitely meet again

he proceeds to comment (when tianchen asks if he has any choice) that "it seems everyone has only one path in their destiny, but in fact, it is made up of countless parallel lines...sometimes we want to change it, but we can't." - this specific phrase is spoken over lu guang's memory of watching cheng xiaoshi get shot.

and of course, we can't forget liu xiao's critical line "i wanna bring all parallel lines together, to turn all uncertainties into certainties." i think that's beyond metaphorical, i think he can not only see (in some sense) the parallel lines of a person's fate/futures/etc, but can manipulate them. or, rather, can corral them all into a single line, a single destiny, a single path for every person

now brief reminder that li tianxi was able to see lu guang's memories when she looked at the pic (revealed in ep12) - and she immediately started crying. i know the implication in that moment (ep10) was that she was experiencing lu guang's pain from the wound, but what if it was more than that? what if she saw his memories, too - in ep12, he implies that he went back to the beginning, presumably the start of the season, effectively, to prevent cheng xiaoshi from dying (hence all his careful planning through the season)

also real quick can we talk about how the passcode to his phone was the time (and date?) he went back to save cheng xiaoshi? THEE moment of "he is worth more than my rules". whether this is the first time or the thousandth, i'm still unwell

OKAY so anyway i think i've established that liu xiao has some fascination with timelines and, more precisely, with paring them down to whatever he's determined to be the Correct or Perfect timeline (ie establishing 'certainty') - this is why i call him a time cop like i don't think he's actually executing on some authority i think he's just decided that he has the power and that he wants the world to operate according to his certainties.

ones that lu guang has fucked up by saving cheng xiaoshi. possibly more than once.

for my next act, lu guang's character sheet:

yeah can we talk about age: ? like excuse me ?????? i'm also intrigued by the unknown blood type, but let's ignore that for now lmao

back to his unknown age - why the hell would this be unknown if he's just a guy? cheng xiaoshi has a normal age in spite of his abilities, right? and lu guang's ability is only to view the 12hr surrounding a photo, right?

WRONG. well, right, but also wrong. BEAR WITH ME OKAY cause we're jumping to qiao ling's experience in ep12 now - the moment she held onto tianxi when she died. where we saw...something travel from her to qiao ling. her memories? or her abilities?

now perhaps u, like me, recall lu guang's solitary moment in ep12 where, while covered in blood, he looked at his phone, his eyes turned cheng-xiaoshi-gold, he clapped, and he zoomied back to the past. because he was holding cheng xiaoshi when he died. and thus inherited his power.

OKAY SO why the fuck does that matter !!!! WELL I'M GLAD U ASKED. because we have no problem with cheng xiaoshi's age, right? he's done this 'jump back in time' thing a bunch!!! for 12hr at a time, and then he's back!

okay, but what happens when lu guang, who acquired cheng xiaoshi's power, jumps back to a time before he had cheng xiaoshi's power? now what? how would he jump back (or even be forced back) to his present body and time if he no longer has that ability? wouldn't he now be forced to re-live the hours, days, years after going back to make a change?

in his words, he went back to the beginning, thus he'd have to relive the whole thing, but now, he can make the Right choices this time to protect cheng xiaoshi

but what's a week (or a couple days or whatever it was) in the grand scheme of things? how would his age be unknown if this is the first and only time he's ever done it?

(critical caveat that 'the beginning' could absolutely refer to something far earlier than just the season's start - it could be the beginning of their relationship, for all we know, but let's start here for the sake of keeping this...i'd say manageable but we're well beyond that i am YAPPING)

if his age is so impossible to define, i think it could very easily fit to suggest that he's done this before - possibly many times. so many times that to suggest he's only as old as his physical body would be utterly ludicrous

okay but what in the world would make him want to change fate so often, for so long, so many times? what would make him go against his own rule (*i don't think this was always a rule for him but bear with me, we'll get to that)? well, we know the answer to that :)

so, i don't think this is the first time he's gone back in time to save cheng xiaoshi. i don't think it's the first time he's held cheng xiaoshi as he dies, because that's the way he would've acquired his ability in order to do this (an argument could be made here that he's hidden some facets of his own ability and that he's always been capable of this, but i don't think it was an accident that we saw qiao ling Acquire tianxi's ability)

in fact (if u thought this was all crack theory up to this point, hold onto ur horses) i think the first time he went back in time to save cheng xiaoshi was (seriously, hold on tight) when cheng xiaoshi died with his parents when he was a kid

that's right i'm going all the way baby. i think cheng xiaoshi was supposed to die when he was a kid. why the hell did his parents leave him all alone? to go on some random trip?? like we all agree this is peculiar right???? how does NOBODY know what happened to them, where they were, etc?

now i could go into possible scenarios (lu guang was a kid, too, and didn't know what he was doing, lu guang knew EXACTLY what he was doing and that it would have consequences, lu guang didn't even know he HAD any abilities til he tried to save cheng xiaoshi, the list goes on) BUT the gist of this being: i think lu guang saved cheng xiaoshi. i think he went back in time (into his own body) and figured out the right choices to make (maybe after many tries) to ensure that cheng xiaoshi didn't go with his parents. that he stayed home, for whatever reason, and survived

now why do i believe this, you may be asking? because it's fun, of course !!! and because we have no idea what happened to his parents yet, so i'll continue to theorize in the meantime lmao

you could also alternatively suggest that the going back in time to save cheng xiaoshi doesn't start until after they meet - i mean, hell, look at the situations they get themselves into just within the span of two seasons, they are RIFE with danger. like, cheng xiaoshi could've died MANY times !!!!

but honestly what really sells me is - going ALL the way back to the post that i linked at the start - lu guang didn't hesitate. not only did he already know, but he had no qualms with immediately (still covered in blood) going back to before and doing this all over again. unlike qiao ling, who does not appear to realize she has tianxi's ability, lu guang seems to immediately understand that he has cheng xiaoshi's. that just smacks of experience

(also, an aside: what photo did he use? how far back did he go? there's another route of course - did he go so far back that he's relived his life to such a notable degree that calling him whatever age of his physical body would be missing a notable number of years? in which case, one could argue that this could be the first time, though his immediate knowledge of acquiring cheng xiaoshi's remains unexplained. ANYWAY i digress)

okay back to the point here - lu guang immediately knowing that he has cheng xiaoshi's ability and using it without hesitation, though he does comment on how he broke his own rule. and it sounds like a first-time thing, but consider...

what if this is the first time he's broken it since making the rule?

enter time cop hat guy (i hear u, i promised this was relevant), aka our boi liu xiao who wants to create 'certainties' by (presumably) eliminating branching possibilities in some regard to create single paths/fates/destinies/etc. for lack of a better way to phrase it, a single timeline where everything can be predicted and accounted for (yeah...i suspect we'll be unpacking some of his trauma in s3)

now, different choices mean different outcomes - different timelines, a long list of uncertainties. i think liu xiao aimed to stop that. i also think that his ability gives him some kind of godlike manipulation over timelines (how else would he speak with such confidence about making this future a reality?) assuming, of course, that he has no interference from others with similar abilities

enter lu guang, who has now - potentially multiple times - messed with liu xiao's perfect timeline, one wherein cheng xiaoshi dies (not necessarily with intentional malice, just by virtue of securing whichever certainties liu xiao wants). this, of course, is a problem for liu xiao

and perhaps he makes lu guang's life a living hell - hey, why not go all the way? perhaps he makes a point of manipulating the timeline to kill cheng xiaoshi in new and horrifying ways, again and again, just to watch lu guang play this pathetic game trying to save him by going back in time. perhaps it's entertaining, for a while, but he grows tired of it eventually

so, he proposes an agreement: he'll stop trying to kill cheng xiaoshi, but lu guang has to agree never to manipulate his perfect timeline again (or something similar, you get the idea - they reach a ceasefire of sorts wherein they both, to an extent, get what they want)

thus, the rule was born - whatever they do, they cannot ever change these critical nodes. so long as lu guang adheres, liu xiao won't try to kill cheng xiaoshi

but then someone else does. someone else succeeds. and lu guang breaks his side of the deal, he changes the timeline. he knows exactly what he's doing, what he may invoke, but he does it anyway (i'm fully writing my own au of this story at this point lmao but hey, hope ur having fun if u made it this far)

and so liu xiao returns from abroad, because he has a score to settle

[don't ask me why s3 is set in london and they look like they're teaming up, i'm all for a 'forced to work together' arc but how that fits in with this wildly out of pocket theory is beyond me lmao]

anyway hope u enjoyed this delve into my silly goofy theory !!!! thank u deeply for the ask LMAO

[olderthannetfic]

Do you, or anyone actually, know where/when the '-bowl' sufix started being used in Fandom? Because I can't find any kind of origin, and surprisingly Fanlore doesn't have a article about it (as far as I checked maybe I didn't search well?). I just found and know that it's used for kinda old and relatively new fandoms, thanks to a two-year-old Reddit post.

For anyone who doesn't get/know about the '-bowl' sufix: is basically an All × One thing. For example, if you encounter 'Dekubowl' this means that Deku, the character, is shipped with everyone or that at least everyone else have a crush with Deku.

I can only think of the 'Super Bowl' (just as one comment in that Reddit post suggest) for its origin, but when we talk about Fandom culture we never know. It could have originated from anything no-related to the Super Bowl, LOL.

--

Ooh, interesting. I've never heard of this in my life, and I have no idea what a -bowl suffix is supposed to mean, even if I guess it has to do with the super bowl.

It's not surprising Fanlore doesn't have this if it's coming from BNHA or somewhere similar. Fanlore is fantastic on the history of Western "Media Fandom", zines, K/S, etc. It's much weaker in areas that OTW early adopters haven't spent as much time in.

You should write the -bowl article yourself!

--

I went into AO3's tag search and looked for 'bowl'. I found 1311 tags, 90 of them canonicals.

I'm seeing a ton of references to the Super Bowl, dust bowl AUs, pet play with pet food bowls, Dream in the fishbowl, unending uses like "I'm crying into my bowl of cereal as I write this", "bowl of honey nut feelios", "bowl of pornflakes", "me shaking the food bowl of sbi wilbur-centric angst: come get y'all's juice", etc., and plenty of references to YOI katusdon bowls. Lots of fandoms and episodes have 'bowl' in their titles.

Zeroing in on more related things, I'm seeing BNHA over and over and not much else...

EXCEPT!

Fruit bowls!

I see scattered references to "let's add him into that whole fruit bowl" and "the whole fruit bowl is here" and so on. Some of them are crack fic where everyone is a banana, but a lot of them seem to be a metaphor for "everything together".

Okay, I just spent far too much time trying to categorize tags. Out of the 'bowl' ones, about a third appear to be this kind of sense (counting by number of tags, not number of works).

Game of Thrones has a bunch, but they refer (as far as I know) to which characters will hypothetically kill each other and emerge victorious, not to group shipping.

Some tags I found, like 'edelbowl' sounded more like a group ship than an X/everyone. I also found a scattering of tags that were like 'all of them in a bowl together', which is probably related.

But mainly, what I found is that this is from BNHA and it's recent.

The other fandoms where I found it were:

Demon Slayer, Dr. STONE, Naruto, South Park, Fire Emblem, Genshin, HP, Lego Ninjago, My Next Life as a Villainess, She-Ra, Teen Wolf, Tower of God, VLD, A3! (Video Game), Assassination Classroom, Avatar, Batman, Black Clover - Tabata Yuki, Bleach, Blue Lock (Manga), BTS, Bungou Stray Dogs , Dangan Ronpa, Danny Phantom, Detective Conan, Dragon Age, Durarara!!, Fate/Grand Order, How to Train Your Dragon, JoJo's Bizarre Adventure, Kaiju No. 8 (Manga), LEGO Monkie Kid, Osomatsu-san, Ouran High School Host Club, Percy Jackson, SK8 the Infinity, Soul Eater, The Disastrous Life of Saiki K., Toilet-bound Hanako-kun, Tokyo Revengers, Virtual Streamer Animated Characters, Warcraft, Xenoblade Chronicles 2

That's giving me a very distinctive picture of a fan who's probably in their 20s or 30s, mostly like anime and some video games, and is not the type that edits Fanlore.

There's nothing actually old here: it's recent anime and stuff that is still a megafandom, like Naruto.

I'm seeing a scattering of 'dekubowl' from 2017 and then other character tags taking off in like 2019. This is definitely a recent trend in terminology, at least on AO3.

[transboysokka]

What Am I Doing With My Life:

Chris watches Twilight New Moon for the first time

Okay “”new moon”” this must be the werewolf one then

These violent delights have violent ends omg don’t ruin a good quote Bella

Girl where are you is this the handmaids tale

Anyway she’s looking good

Suddenly having a delayed reaction to the end of the last movie when Jacob is like “my dad paid me to tell you to break up with Edward” like lmao what was that

Daddy Charlie

Nice to see an evolution to their relationship though

Also thank GOD the terrible blue color grading seems better

Digital cameras lmao remember when

Do her friends just like avoid Edward lol

Anyway the real reason Edward won’t turn her yet is he wanted her to be legal first

Oh no “Jacob” and the pushing her hair behind the ear

Yikessss

Hey aren’t dreamcatchers Ojibwe in origin

Alice and Bella are crushing on each other

Wait what can jasper do does he have any discuss ability or

Not to ONLY be nitpicking but usually Romeo and Juliet is part of the grade 9 curriculum in most us states, not grade 12

Oh my goddddd is that good omens guy, I’d know that nose anywhere

Bella’s gonna hurt edward so bad isn’t she lol

Her wanting to be a vampire is already getting so annoying though

why is she having a midlife crisis about being 18 like come on

Damnnnn they can’t even control themselves if she gets a paper cut like RUN girl

Wait is Edward like… a Christian? Lol tragic and awkward

He’s like “u wouldn’t be sexy to me if u were a vampire”

Nice (not) to see the terrible music streak continues into this film too

That shitty truck is my favorite character in this

Why does Edward keep dressing Like That

Lmaoooooo “I love you forever” “we’re skipping town, see u”

Definitely just dissociated a minute and came back like “WHY am I watching this??”

She fell asleep in the woods and now everyone’s looking for her lmao

Okay one decent song so far across two movies

Why is she so in love with Alice

Why is she so pathetic

Charlie is just Done tm and like same

“It’s just not normal, this behavior” TELL IT CHARLIE

Jessica is so real

BELLA WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING

Keep talking to Alice soooooo gay

So was Jacob NOT a werewolf at the start of the first movie? Is that what these suddenly buff comments are about?

I’ve said it before but lautners voice is SO annoying and it’s just bc it’s my hometown accent lol

Another bad song

“What’s up with you and age?” Seriously

God this weird ass edgy act

Oof three way movie date with child Jacob and awkward ass school guy

Wow this guy must be puking for a long time

Wow Jake chill Jesus

Wtf did he like JUST become a werewolf

Why is it raining for drama and sexiness

What was with all the Romeo and Juliet in the beginning… there was like apparently no thematic reason for there to be that big of a push for it

Anyway yeah Jacob doesn’t believe in shirts anymore clearly

Is this whole franchise just a gay metaphor

What is he trying to get her to remember??

Lol “it’s a huge secret” *guy gets angry and wolfs out in front of bella*

But WHY do they all need to go around shirtless lmaoooo

And why did Jacob have to cut his hair about it

Such a gay metaphor oh my god

One more good song

Oooh a good song fading into a bad song

LISTEN I know they gotta pay rpats but these weird apparitions are so overdone

Yeah this wolf thing also sounds dangerous…. Like you change if you get angry??? RED FLAG!!! REDFLAG REDFLAGREDFLAGREDFLAG

Are any of the other movies gayer than this bc if so I gotta watch them when I was maybe planning not to

Bella’s super dumb

Oh her girlfriends back

Or is this a trick

Oh lolol

Why would she just give up Jacobs secret like that lmaooo

Fuck I gotta keep watching these movies just to see what keeps going on with Bella and Alice

Wtf why would Edward call them and wtf is going on why is he so dramaticcccc

The Romeo and Juliet tie ins are coming back I’ll give credit where it’s due. Wasn’t expecting anything to actually come of it lol

They won’t even let him die lmfao he went all the way to Italy for that??

So suddenly Alice can see everything the fuck??

But can she see why kids love Cinnamon Toast Crunch

EDWARD WHY are you so goddamn dramatic

Definitely would not have expected this aesthetic from a twilight movie. It’s very action thriller

BRUH they are so confused about each other

I liked this move so much better than the first one so far and I now realize that it’s because Bella and Edward were apart for most of it lolllll

Edward put your damn shirt back on

Wow such Vampiric Council vibe

Oh yeah right why CANT Edward read Bella’s thoughts did we ever talk about that

Wow damn van helsing blood????

Damn why does EVERYONE have to be so dramatic

Oh this old song and dance again Bella just BE a human damn

What if Edward and Jacob and Bella all just fell in love together huh what then, problem solved

idk man I’d be so bored if I had to live forever with the same partner lol

wow I can’t believe I’m a nearly 30 year old man who wants to know what happens next

Like is this shit GOOD no but now I Gotta Know

[chickycherrycola]

Okay, I have the same questions for you! How long have you been writing and what are some of your favorite tropes/storylines to write? Also, do you have a movie/show/book you’d consider a hidden gem or under-hyped fave??

Hello there Tower! 🎶 thanks for providing me with a wonderful distraction while I work from home today ehehehe *rubs my tiny fly hands together*

How long have I been writing:

Truly, kind of all my life? I've loved books, reading, and words since childhood - I was that quirky little kid who preferred going to the library over going to the park 😅 I wrote a LOT in high school and college, but I doubted myself too much to ever do anything with any of it. I never submitted short stories to publishing houses, never posted any of my fanfics online as a result. I took a long break from writing after graduating college and only recently got back into it, about... late 2021, I want to say? I re-read some fave old Soul Eater fanfics and got inspired to take up the metaphorical pen again, and I'm so glad I did. Now it feels like all I do with my life is write and I wouldn't have it any other way tbh!

Favorite Tropes/Storylines To Write:

Boy oh boy, where to even begin? I love romance, comedy, and the wonderful intersection of the two in the form of the ROMANTIC COMEDY, which im sure is pretty obvious given the kinds of fics I tend to post. I write as a form of escape from reality and use humor to cope and process big feelings, so writing rom-coms with a lot of heart and mature themes at their core is my jam.

In terms of tropes - my faves are the following, in no particular order: Friends to Lovers, Idiots In Love, Boy Falls First, Found Family (im actually a HUGE SLUT for this one and want to write it so badly!), Second Chance Romance, Animal Companions (i utilize this one a TON in my original fiction), Cozy Fantasy and/or stories that seamlessly weave magic or supernatural elements into the "real" world... and lastly, not really a trope, but Character Driven Stories are the GOAT.

Also... I just really love writing smut. PWP one-shots are my guilty pleasure. >:3

Hidden Gems/Underhyped Faves:

I AM SO GLAD YOU ASKED!

Books (though two of these are comics technically):

-SAGA by Brian K Vaughan & Fiona Staples: adult graphic novel space epic series full of memorable characters and absolutely gorgeous art that tackles a lot of tough stuff and has made me feel the full spectrum of human emotion

-The Tea Dragon Society by K. O'Neill: a wholesome, heartwarming all ages comic chocked full of pocket-sized dragons and the COZIEST fantasy vibes EVER

-The Locked Tomb series: idk if it counts as an underrated fave/hidden gem cause the book series has a pretty sizable and active fan base, but im recommending it anyway cause Harrowhark Nonagesimus is one of my favorite characters in all of fiction, and if you like stories that explore both romantic and platonic partnership dynamics, you should give it a read if you haven't already!!

Shows/Anime:

-D. Gray-Man: shounen anime set in Victorian England about exorcists and featuring the most Cinnamon Roll Main Character in the Universe who I will always love with my whole heart, Allen Walker

-Re:Creators: a reverse isekai in which fictional characters are suddenly pulled from their universes into the real world and tackles the question of what fiction/art mean to us humans, one of my favorite shows of ALL TIME with excellent music composed by Hiroyuki Sawano

-Baccano!: a sort of steampunk/fantasy caper involving alchemists, immortals, outlaws, gangsters, an immortality elixir, and a murder mystery on a train, told in a non-linear format that really puzzles the brain on the first couple of watches

-Witch Hat Atelier: is technically a manga but is getting an anime soon! A series about a young girl who goes to magic school to become a witch, featuring an excellent magic system and gorgeous art

Movies:

-this answer is already soooooo long so ill just recommend my favorite movie of all time, PACIFIC RIM, which if you haven't seen you should WATCH RIGHT AWAY because it has the partners trope you love! Its a 2013 sci-fi flick directed by Guillermo del Toro about kaijus invading Earth from outer space, and the giant, dual-piloted robots that humanity devises to fight back with, and was so revolutionary in its portrayal of its main female character that it created a whole new benchmark for assessing portrayal of women characters in fiction (The Mako Mori Test).

In conclusion - thanks for giving me an excuse to ramble on and on, and I do truly hope you enjoyed all this drivel! 🙏😁

[myloveforhergoeson]

man at this point idc what the btr boys are doing lmaoo im so invested in how roxy & dak are gonna go. do we ever see roxy's pool date with jo & camille? i wanna know what they think about this whole roxy dak mess he's putting her through....

hello! i wanted to respond to this rq bc i've literally been thinking about it all day

thank you for being interested in dak and roxy i was so scared people would stop reading after i introduced that little plot line! all i've gotta say is... roxy writes based off life experience or scenarios she creates in her head... so... yeah... hahahaha

i did not originally intend to show roxy's pool date with jo and camille but i will write it tomorrow after i get off work and post it asap! i've been writing the season one finale for literal weeks at this point and i'm starting to go crazy over it so itll be nice to get into a different little one shot for a bit. i'll post it in a reblog of this question so we can all find it :)

more under the cut !!!!

right now i will give you a little sneak peek about how EVERYONE feels about the roxy-dak mess because i'm generous like that, and i don't really get to show everyones feelings on it in the story bc we only get inside her head... there's a bit in chapter 13 where we see a little bit of how the guys feel about it, but i didn't want to make it a whole thing and then it kinda turned into a whole thing 🤷‍♀️

anyway: how my characters view love and roxy's relationship through some cannon events and my own personal beliefs

jo: takes absolutely no shit when it comes to love, we see this when kendall has his thing with lucy... she grew up listening to boy bands and has a standard for how men should treat her <3 plus i think she's been in one non-serious "we went on a few dates so i guess he's my boyfriend" relationship from back home so she has a little experience. she thinks dak isn't worth any more of her time after he stood her up but she is afraid to voice this to her bestie...

camille: is a hopeless romantic and would go nearly to the ends of the earth for the ones she loves. she's a "if it's meant to be, it's meant to be" kinda gal and at age 16 fully believes logan is the love of her life. i think he's her first partner! she wants roxy to be as in love as she is and thinks that, while shitty, the whole standing her up thing is just a bump in the road on their way to everlasting love

carlos: pre-established to have never been in a relationship but he's like a silly jock so i'm sure he's been on at least a few dates! he has older sisters in my story (because he feels like he was written by a woman (me. i'm that woman.)) so you know he knows the proper way to show a date a good time! he thought roxy looked so pretty on her first date and he just wants her to have a good time and be happy. if dak makes her happy, he's happy! and he was actually kind of okay with the stand up thing because they got to hang out and dance together <3

kendall: captain (?? i don't think i made this up... this is in the show right?) of the hockey team in a midwestern high school. he's had a few partners and i know his mother whooped his ass (metaphorically) into shape after she found out he goofed around too hard and hurt someone he went out with on accident... as for the roxy and dak affair, he may or may not have picked up on the fact one of his good buddies may or may not like her... he's not a fan but will not say anything bc he isn't in the business of telling her what to do (she will hit him with her songbook very hard)

logan: while a believer in his love science, he's yet to find a way to quantify how he feels about camille after the party in chapter 10 :) he dated a bit his first few years in high school (mostly double dates with james? i also think is a fact from the show), and has had a few non-serious partners but he's never felt this way about anyone else! in his love science-y world, he can tell that dak does not feel the same way about roxy as she feels about him. if he did, he would've come to the party. simple love science!

james: good lord! he has dated anyone who is someone at mountain aire high school and it's always been to elevate or retain his own social status. so when he's normally a flirt for fun, or because it makes his boring little small town feel less boring, it's always been a game to him. except somewhere along the way of flirting out of habit with his new friend, he might have started to actually mean some of the things he's said. he thinks dak's a douche for standing her up and he's trying to make that clear to her the only way he knows how: vague hints and comments here and there. another established james fact is he's never been dumped, so i imagine this brings up a little bit of fear of rejection in him as well. he has trouble voicing his own feelings as well, since he's always trying to come across as perfect.

whoo boy that was way more than i though it was gonna be lol. if you make it this far, you deserve a medal. thanks for the suggestion! i'm excited to write the pool date... we haven't had enough roxy/jo/camille in the fic lately

[brick-a-doodle-do]

Hmmmmm

Spy borrower au!

Besides Techno, who else is on the spy squad? Is it a international or national thing? maybe the cold war setting for some extra james bond style angst of the peace depending on them getting the info, dispite Tinies defs not being as patriotic as humans im guessing.

Also, is training all Techno has ever known? Like the red rooms of the black widow? Or is their some past atleast without training, also how old is he? Don't think the organization cares all that much about their age of maturity 😅

Just throwing out some prompts, i am very bored, and all i got is access to wifi and nothing else😑

But i love sending asks here! Get the creative juices flowing🙃

hellooo !!

mm yes i don't talk abt this au enough,,,

okay for the fbi itself (this au takes place in the us cause the fbi is mainly there and i don't want to do any more research than i have to lmaoo) there are quite a few tiny agents, karl and george come up the most. george is actually the reason behind this whole thing staring. i have a prologue in the works but dream and george met when they were young. like, young young. think 3-5

george came from a colony and wandered off during a borrowing trip with an adult (irresponsible adult mind you) and accidentally let dream discover him because he was being too curious)

anyways

skeppy is on, ant, sam, hannah, jack, eret, callahan is there but sticks to himself most of the time, tubbo but he builds stuff he doesn't go into the field like ever, fundy, ranbooo <3, phil and then connor :) (there's more but those're background ppl like yk ocs or whatever. insignificant as of now)

i'm actually clueless with where to put wil. do i make him a part of the bad guys or have him be a human fbi agent? i want him big but what field do i put him in????

this is an international thing, like pretty much everywhere has at least a local station with 1-2 tinies working for them,,,

this whole thing is pretty recent because i'm scrambling to make sure george is a reasonable age (ps. he's 27 in this & dream is 25)

the government-tiny thing started in 1999-2001 soo there hasn't been too much conflict as of them starting the whole deal,,,

yep techno hasn't really had enough time to enjoy life, his childhood was filled with fake missions and weapons, which is a good partof the reason why he's emotionally unavailable and overall a very boring person (on the outside, he's still a geek on the inside :])

yess i love the red rooms metaphor. also think lila in the umbrella academy,,,

techno is 19 in this so he was born into the fbi place like he has only known government since he grew up. (so i can avoid writing new characters his mother died during childbirth :'D) (this is completely clashing with techno----for consistency lets say techno has some secret plan to annihilate the government)

yeah no they could care less abt how old someone is. they recruited george and started working on him when he was 5, like c'mon---

thank you for all of these, they're so fun to answer!! they take my mind off things which i love. aaand speaking of which i'm 11 minutes late to class from answering this but it was worth it :D

[kromlock]

A transcript of my relationship with JK Rowling

Joanne: Hey kid, would you like a decent children’s book? It’s a little dark but it’s also a fun quirky story about a magic school.

Me: Oh hey, I like lots of those things! Hey, this is pretty good for the stuff that’s usually aimed at my age group!

Joanne: Yes, cool. Here’s a sequel. It’s foreshadowing some political intrigue and has a gut wrenching portrayal of the horrors of slavery, but I swear it’s still for kids.

Me: Oh wow, this is even better than the first! Hey, you’re a pretty good mystery writer too.

Joanne: Why, thank you! Now this next one gives Harry some deep backstory.

Me: Wow, I love this! You did a great job shattering the illusion that James was such a great guy!

Joanne: I beg your pardon?

Me: Well, I mean, you kind of outed James as the bully, and like even though it doesn’t excuse his behavior at all, Snape was right about Harry’s dad.

Joanne: ……huh.

Me: And I loved the disability rights theme so much I didn’t notice the part where the central character in the disability metaphor then turns his condition into a deadly liability in a boarding school. Or the skin crawling ideological implications of that.

Joanne: Hold on a second. I have to do something.

Me: What’s up?

Joanne: Just jotting down notes. Snape…. Was… Right….

Me: Well I didn’t mean it like THAT…

Joanne: Skin crawling… ideological…. Implications…. Okay, all done. By the way, here’s an extra long book!

Me: WHOA HOLY HELL does the shit hit the fan here! The bad guy’s back in action, the government is Fucking Horrible, and the Avengers are assembling. And that gleam of triumph in Dumbledore’s eye! I bet you’re going somewhere great with that! God I can’t wait to find out what happens next. It’s just… umm… a couple things.

Joanne: Yeah?

Me: Why did it have to be so long? And I like plot twists and all but this was just weird and convoluted.

Joanne: No, but you see, more is better.

Me: Huh. I guess I see your reasoning there. But another thing I just realized. This is a bad school.

Joanne: Excuse me?

Me: It’s a death trap and the faculty is incompetent. 

Joanne: Dumbledore is a legendary sorcerer, philosopher, and warrior!

Me: But that doesn’t make him a good teacher! That’s a completely different skillset!

Joanne: And about the death trap! That’s because of Voldemort. He does evil things.

Me: Voldemort didn’t resurrect an ancient blood sport for children. The first event was throwing teenagers one by one into an arena with a pissed off dragon to just see what happens.

Joanne: They were all supposed to be of age, and the binding magic contract-

Me: They couldn’t just rewrite the contract? Do they have to use the exact same cursed artifact that they used thousands of years ago, with the only guard around it having easy exploits?

Joanne: ….

Me: Come to think of it, the other books were pretty fucked up too. It’s quicker to list the school years where someone doesn’t die on campus.

Joanne: I-

Me: And I don't mean "Old Professor Giddyfart passed away in his sleep last night. He was 239 years young." I mean "Our star pupil was murdered in cold blood by Wizard Hitler during our international child bloodsport tournament."

Joanne: Technically that was off-campus.

Me: "Last year our students almost had their souls stolen by undead horrors that were posted here -at a fucking school- because that’s a good idea. This was minutes after almost being mauled by our werewolf on staff."

Joanne: They were only there because they thought a convicted-

Me: "Oh, that was also the same day we had a former Nazi combatant come to lop off the head of a hippogriff who actually did maul another student for the dreadful crime of not paying attention in class.”

Joanne: 

Me: "Oh and the year before it turned out we just kinda had a basilisk in the plumbing and it kept turning students to stone, it was really annoying, totally disrupted the curriculum”

Joanne: But that was because-

Me: "Oh and the year before that one of our teachers was possessed by the still-living shade of Wizard Hitler. He set a troll loose in the school to try and steal our Bring-Shades-Back-To-Life Macguffin. We just figured it was the safest place because our unhinged headmaster is fucking Hercules, Perseus, and Theseus rolled into one. He could've taken a sabbatical to guard it without putting children in harm’s way, but he's just that quirky!"

Joanne: Well, perhaps Dumbledore isn’t all perfect-

Me: "What's that? Oh yeah, it's guarded by goddamn Cerberus, and a series of challenges even more dangerous than goddamn Cerberus. But don't worry, we sealed the door with a spell that a first year student can unlock."

Joanne: What are you getting at?

Me: Where’s the lawsuits? Absolutely nothing was done to rein Dumbledore in. Well, except for once and it was the one time the danger wasn’t his fault and it was at the behest of the bad guys and swiftly overturned.

Joanne: Government regulation?

Me: And what the fuck was with that “Hermione is an idiot for being against slavery” thing? That made me feel icky.

Joanne: Well, I will be right back!

Me: Oh, okay.

Me: Maybe that was a bit rude. Every story has its flaws.

Me: ….

Me: Wow, Lord of the Rings is really good.

Joanne: Here’s book 5! Harry Potter and the Reason Government Regulation Is Bad

Me: Uh… this is quite a bit longer than the last one.

Joanne: Yes.

Me: The one that I thought was way longer than it had to be.

Joanne: Yes.

Me: And I just read it, and like nothing happened in it. You took the shortest story so far and padded it out with a weird political manifesto.

Joanne: More is bette-

Me: And it’s not even good politics! Anyone but the most Randian hardcore libertarian would want to do something when a school actively contributes to the death of a student.

Joanne: Yeah but the person doing it is juuuuuust a fucking cunt.

Me: I mean, yeah I have to admit she was a pretty good villain. Kinda overshadows Voldemort though, you should really step up the menace in your main antagonist because all he’s done so far is get his ass kicked by a bunch of high school students.

Joanne: Ohhhh just you wait. Okay I’ll be right back.

Me: Oh, okay.

Me: I think we really connected that time.

Me: …..

Me: Huh, Revenge of the Sith was pretty good actually.

Joanne: Okay, this one is all about Voldemort. Also I heard you like Lord of the Rings, so you’re in for some good stuff!

Me: Do tell!

Joanne: So the One Ring was cool right?

Me: Oh yeah, it’s menacing as hell.

Joanne: Well Voldemort made SEVEN One Rings! You can One Ringify any object in this universe.

Me: …please tell me you gave it a name other than One Ring.

Joanne: I sure did! It’s called a Horcrux.

Me: ….Horcrux.

Joanne: You got it!

Me: …….so you can turn anything into a One Ring?

Joanne: You bet! And that diary from book 2 was a One Ring.

Me: Hey that’s a pretty cool retcon.

Joanne: Or maybe… I had it planned all along.

Me: No you didn’t.

Joanne: And just you wait, I have a big twist on those things coming in the next-

Me: It’s that Harry’s scar is a One Ring.

Joanne: …

Me: What? It’s kind of obvious.

Joanne: ….anyway they’re being super careful to make the school safe now so YOU’RE WELCOME. Plot hole fixed.

Me: This book ends with a bunch of Wizard Nazis infiltrating the school, assassinating the headmaster, spray painting a Wizard Swastika in the sky, trashing the place, and just walking out. So yeah, pretty safe. You know what, screw it. The movies are pretty good so I’ve tricked myself into still liking this shit. Hey, if you keep up your writing pace then Harry’s gonna graduate the same year I do! You gonna have the grand finale out in time?

Joanne: I sure am! Here it is, it’s more than worth the wait.

Me: WHOA now this is more like it! The last book was kind of a mess, but this? I love the dystopian setting and the breaking of the formula, and the moral complexity of Dumbledore, and you even managed to do some cool stuff with that Horcrux shit. And ohhh, the schoolgrounds are an actual castle so of course that’s where the final battle takes place, and it’s still fucked up that this is a school but that’s also pretty cool. And here’s the final confrontation, aaaaand…..

Joanne: And? And?

Me: …..what the hell was that ending?

Joanne: Excuse me?

Me: The bad guy dies on a weird wand ownership technicality? Not a whisper about freeing the slaves or undoing any of the other heinous shit the government does and permits? Harry names his son after the greasy incel who blew it with his mom when he shouted slurs at her and never got over it?

Joanne: Severus is a tragic figure who never stopped caring about the woman he loved!

Me: He held on to a creepy obsession with the idea of her while devoting his professional life to tormenting her surviving loved ones.

Joanne: He had to keep up appearances to fool Voldemort.

Me: He tried to poison a sensitive awkward child’s pet in front of his class, just because he could! Well before he was a blip on Voldemort’s radar! You know what, the movies have been doing a pretty good job cleaning up this mess so far, so I guess your job’s done. Oh, one more thing. I still don’t know what the hell was up with that gleam of triumph in Dumbledore’s eye?

Joanne: Oh, that’s a thing to do with his blood and Lily’s protection and the power of love and-

Me: You didn’t have anything planned, got it.

Joanne: Well, I never! I bid you farewell! And by the way, you were wrong! Harry’s scar wasn’t a One Ring! Harry’s SOUL was a One Ring!

Me: …okay, bye 

Me: Say, the movies really did clean up that bullshit. You know, I think the series was pretty good after all.

Me: ……

Me: Well the new God of War was a pleasant surprise-

Joanne: BACK BEFORE PLUMBING WIZARDS SHIT THEMSELVES!

Me: Uh, what?

Joanne: THE AMERICAN TERM FOR MUGGLE IS “NO-MAJ”

Me: Is this a troll account?

Joanne: DID I MENTION TRANS PEOPLE ARE A BLIGHT?

Me: Oh no, this is just awful. Please stop tarnishing your weirdly good reputation.

Joanne: I WILL NOT BE SILENCED! MY NEW BOOK IS ABOUT HOW INTERNET TROLLS ARE BEING MEAN TO MEEEEE

Me: You know, maybe I can do without Harry Potter in my life.

Joanne: I’M BEING CANCELLEEEEEEDD

[basementcreation]

1 2 and 21 for your personal fav oc

OURURFHGHHH THANK YOU…. (STARTS FLAILING AROUND LIKE A REALLY EXCITED WORM)

my personal favourite oc is a (previously lobotomy corp oc but now in my own universe) character named Rostya ( ´ ▽ ` )b (this got kind of long, so most of it is under the cut)

does your oc have any motifs?

(cw for imagery of death/rot) yeah!! sorry, this section will be a little long, i have a lot of thoughts about themes and stuff. possibly a little generic but it's fine hehe.

most commonly, i relate him to crows/dead birds. i like the imagery of a dead bird swarming with maggots for him - it relates to his feelings of emptiness. his main struggles are depression and lack of control of his life; basically, things keep getting worse for him and he's almost given up. like, y'know, a dead animal being consumed by rot. also, crows are typically associated with death - something his character arc is related to (i mean. he does die at the end of it. so). could also relate to independence (he pushes away other people) and freedom (is struggling to free himself from his mental health struggles and the pressure/manipulation of his mother, even if he isn't in contact with her anymore).

the second thing i've related to him (although, this one is a bit new, so it's not too well thought out just yet) are apples! they're commonly used to represent temptation and sin (eg death note, the bible (yes i thought of death note first, what of it)) but i like it as a metaphor for life. this sort of stems from a scene i thought up with him and his (future partner, but at the time) enemy, who threatens rostya by crushing an apple in his hand. apples are hard on the outside but are pretty easy to cut up with a knife - the fact he crushes it with his bare hand shows the power he has over rostya's life. i'd love to go on more about this, but i think i need to mull this theme over some more first.

ALSO okok i can't believe i nearly forgot about this but. black ink. goop. nothing much to say about this one he's just a goopy guy. actually, no, disregard that, i have thoughts. so there's two versions of the universe he's from, and he has a (spoilers) madoka magica witch transformation moment in both of them. both of these times his other form is made up of black ink. it's basically just a metaphor for his despair. like, depression can feel like it's totally consuming you and dragging you down, right? that's his whole thing.

okay i promise pinky style that this is the last one but. masks. he's constantly masking his real thoughts and feelings. maybe a little heavy-handed, but it fits (he even has a dark shadow, like a mask, cast across his face when i draw him. look at the art below to see). he also wears a mask in both of his transformations - it's sort of similar to a theatre one, look at it below.

fuck i feel like gambling is also a motif for him. my brain is sort of short circuiting now because of all the writing (i know it's not that much. i am tired) but just. trust me. there's stuff there. and sorry for breaking my pinky promise. i'll repent.

2. describe your character's voice. do they have a voice claim?

this one's a little trickier - i generally don't have voice claims for my ocs, and just come up with them in my head, so i'll also talk a bit about the way he speaks. he has a fairly deep voice, probably about average for a guy. he's russian, but moved to england at a young age, so i don't think his accent is very prominent. he doesn't really speak unless spoken to, and tends to use shorter sentences. he can also be very snappy, mostly when people are trying to be nice to him (⍪_⍪) for context - he's a quiet person, but will put up a front of hostility when people try and get too close, which is. kind of anything past small talk for him (vulnerability scares him because of his past). although, after a while, he does calm down a bit with his antagonism.

21. hobbies your OC enjoys?

he really loves music! before he pawned them off, he would collect records. he enjoys singing a lot (in an au he's an opera singer) and secretly wishes he could make a career out of it - which, he totally could. he's a great singer. in the past he played the violin, and he still has some love for it, but as an adult he has too many bad feelings associated with it.

he also LOVES trains. he would love to save up enough money to collect miniature model trains, but can't manage it. at some point he and his coworkers have to go on a luxury train to investigate something and the whole time he is freaking out about it.

thanks so much for the ask!!! rostya is so fun to talk about. as a bonus, here's some art of him!!

the hair strand across the face is essential!

rostya ponytown... think i might remake this soon.

mock cover for the chapter where he dies! <3 this isn't what his transformation looks like, but the mask is the one he has.

one of my first drawings of him... his design has changed a little. and my art has changed a lot

this isn't rostya. i forgot why i drew this

[stackthedeck]

tell me more abt child star johnny storm!!

okay, I already answered the other anon that asked me about this but thank you for another opportunity to talk about my favorite flaming boy! Let's talk about Johnny Storm's compulsive heterosexuality!

Also I'm not dumb. Marvel will never make Johnny Storm canonically queer. They recently had the opportunity and the author that tried to hint at it more explictly has not written for them since. Comics have a tendency to create new queer characters but are hesitant to confirm anything about old ones and while I see the appeal of new characters, it's undeniable that the old ones have more cultural significance and can be very powerful representation. Unless comic readership changes drastically, Johnny Storm and Peter Parker will never be queer. This is not "proof" this is not an accusation of queerbait. This is an interpretation.

so for those that don't know compulsive heterosexuality is this phenomenon where gay people—because of societal pressure—convince themselves that they do feel heterosexual attraction. It's being sick to your stomach around people of the opposite gender and thinking "oh this is what people mean when they say they've got butterflies in their stomach." It's picking a person of the opposite gender that is unthreatening and convenient to date rather than how they look or if they have a nice personality. It's picking a boy at random because all the other girls are talking about their crush. It's having celebrity crushes on nonthreatening gnc people of the opposite gender that are so out of reach that you can't even conceptualize dating them. For example, my first comphet crush was on David tenant, a skinny flamboyant middle-aged man acting in my favorite tv show next to an actress that I found much more attractive but didn't have the words to describe that yet. Like my "crush" on Tenant went away the minute he wasn't next to Billie Piper or was several years younger or he wasn't in the Doctor costume.

So... Johnny Storm. So first off, Johnny is queer-coded to hell and back in the 60s comics. Which like he's literally flaming, the jokes write themselves. But he's consistently damseled, demasculinized, and mocked for caring about his appearance and vanity. And if you look at the early art of him kissing women, he always looks so uncomfortable and sure that could just be bad art except, no marvel comics did know how to draw kissing, Johnny just doesn't like it. But he's not gay! Look, he's a playboy and always has a girlfriend. But by comic book rules, he doesn't have a girlfriend because there isn't one girl he's constantly interested in especially in the early years. So there's no one to have relationship drama with and so to fill in the personal storyline, they play up his rivalry with Spider-Man. So textually Spider-Man is Johnny's love interest in the 60s. And then in the 70s Spider-Man has the Skip Westcott storyline and suddenly the human torch and Spider-Man team-ups are few and far between.

But Johnny does have named love interests. But the people he dates that stick around long enough to make a story out of are rarely below him in social status. Like he dates Medusa, the queen of the inhumans who is also married. Like she's the impossible perfect woman and they have nothing in common. He dates and marries Alicia Masters, Ben Grimms' long-term girlfriend whom he has known since he was a kid she's a very familiar person to him. Except no he doesn't because she's actually a skrull, a shape-shifting alien, and he's not that pissed that she's been lying to him. There's a beard couple metaphor in there somewhere. He also dates Namorita, an Atlantian princess that he has an on and off again thing with. The relationship is very public they're clearly using each other to get into the tabloids and annoy their exes. And then Johnny makes her a member of the fantastic four when he has to go dimension hopping I think he does this with another girl that doesn't have superpowers?? and he also does this with spider-man. So the people Johnny votes into the fantastic four are his girlfriends and Peter Parker. Like all his relationships are so public, they're a performance, an attention-seeking thing, and incredibly short-lived because he isn't interested in them and they're not interested in him.

And he has this thing with Akihiro, wolverine's son/clone??? Listen despite the fact that I'm gay, I really don't know that much about the x-men. The author of Dark Wolverine said that she was under the impression that they were dating in past stories. After Akihiro came back from the dead, she intentionally wrote sexual tension between them because what do you do when your boyfriend is back from the dead. So Johnny is written as a bi man, but the marvel statement is: no, he's straight. Although Akihiro is bi, is attracted to Johnny, has pheromones that can make people attracted to him, and he has used them in the past to intestate physical contact as well as real relationships. He either is not using his powers on Johnny or that is how Johnny acts around people he's attracted to, which is deeply concerned while emotionally unavailable.

And don't even get me started on his relationship with Peter Parker!! which is private and intimate and long-lasting which is in stark contrast to all of his romantic relationships. Like they have a special spot just for the two of them. And the only other people Peter has that with are MJ and Gwen Stacy, Johnny is that important to him. They have a roommate era where Johnny is in full housewife mode. He tells Peter to look after his family when he's gone because he's the only one he trusts to love and care for them like he does because Peter is his found family. They are constantly drawn in suggestive poses and scenarios. They're always saving each other both in a dynamic duo way but also in a damsel in distress way. Johnny asks Peter to watch his sex tape with him! When Peter uses a memory wipe spell to protect his secret identity (it's not like no way home) he reveals himself again to two people, Felicia Hardy and Johnny Storm who both have the same reaction: I knew I felt something about you but I couldn't place it until I saw your face and now it's all rushing back.

Johnny also has a thing for Dazzler briefly. Recently it's become a joke in marvel fandom that being a Dazzler Fan is code for homosexual because most of her named fans are queer and she's basically the marvel comics version of Lady Gaga. Like if you're a dude that has a crush on Lady Gaga, I'm not judging but you should be asking yourself some questions.

[dbzebra]

"Z broly > Super Broly as a character"

Explain. Elaborate.

Oooh thanks for the ask!! Lol this got long, apologies ahead of time

Okay so first all, people COMPLETELY MISUNDERSTAND Z Broly as a character. Like, they take what he became in movie 10/Second Coming, with no context, meme on that, and think that’s his entire character. When that is sooo far from the truth.

First of all, Z Broly in movie 8/Broly the Legendary Super Saiyan is very subtle as a character. They don’t outright spell out things for you about him or why he does what he does(ex, attacking Gohan, but I’ll get to that later), the backstory especially is very metaphorical.

Broly doesn’t hate Goku because of crying. Broly is a Saiyan and what are Saiyans first and foremost? Fighters. And Broly “lost” against Goku for being hurt by his crying. That’s why right before Goku has that final punch, he flashes back to that moment of when he was a baby, not only being left for dead as Planet Vegeta was being blown up, he remembers being “defeated” by Kakarot just as he’s about to beat him again. He gets punched in the exact same spot he was stabbed as a baby.

People like to criticize Z Broly as “he hates Goku cause he cried” or “all he says is Kakarot” which both are false. Similar to Vegeta, Broly hates Goku because Goku bested him. One way or another, despite him being so weak, Goku “beat” the Legendary Super Saiyan.

On the first point, Broly is clearly mentally unstable. The power was too much for him even at a young age and turned him into a psychopath. He was stabbed as an infant and left to die along with Paragus cause he was too powerful. Then that same day Planet Vegeta explodes practically on top of them. The rest of his life hes basically either being controlled or on a rampage. He likes destruction. He likes fighting, loves it actually. You can see it during his fights in Movie 8.

On the second point, Broly was already mentally unstable in movie 8 when Goku punched a hole in him. Broly literally exploded cause he had so much power in him. and then nearly dying, getting caught in the explosion of a SECOND PLANET. and then being frozen for seven years, near death. It’s like that final cord snapped.

Once again, woken up by the cries of Goten (aka being defeated by Goku AGAIN). He’s so blinded by his rage of beating Goku that it’s all he cares about. And when Goku actually shows up in Second Coming, the dude smirks and starts laughing.

Z Broly has really awesome moments and there’s a reason why he’s a popular villain. Just watch the scene of him blowing up the planet of those little alien guys. “I bet you look up at your silly little planet, hoping you can go back there some day….WELL ITS JUST A DREAM!!” And then boom. It’s really dark and I love it.

He shows a lot of personality and cunning, like when he senses the hidden power of Gohan, stares at him for a moment and then purposely attacks Gohan to take him out first. “Kakarot, how much do you love your son??”

The way he kills Paragus is also sick. “Where do you think you’re going dad?” And then turns the pod into a javelin with him in it and throws the thing into the fucking comet. 💯

Unrelated but I think it’s cool how Goku seemingly absorbed Broly’s LSSJ power for a moment. When everyone gives him energy his hair flashes the green tint for a moment while Broly loses the green, and just has the normal SSJ yellow

Then we have DBS Broly. It’s kinda the same, with being tossed away to die cause King Vegeta is a bitch, but removes any connection to Goku and makes it more tragic. And according to most fans, if background is a sobstory, that equals better character.

NO. Tragic backstories are so common nowadays they’re boring.

sure it could, but that trope was so worn out so long ago I hate it. “waaa his life was bad, hes not a bad guy” bruh i dont care thats not Broly. just make an OC if you wanna do that. but nope. gotta use the marketing! (More on that later)

New Broly is legit a man-baby. People talk about old Broly having no personality and this new version having a deep character, but I dont see it. He acts like a child when hes with Cheelai and Lemo. There’s no real personality traits beyond “doesnt understand society.” basically just made him Saiyan Tarzan with anger issues, which isn’t addressed he just gets mad and loses control and turns SSJ after seeing Paragus die. They basically took Gohan’s rage boosts and gave it to him lol

They kept Paragus being a bastard which was cool, but DBS Broly being uwu-fied and then shipped with Cheelai (who literally has no reason to exist beyond waifu bait) never appealed to me

Hey remember when people say Z Broly does nothing but scream?

In Super Broly, once the fighting starts, he doesnt say a single word but yell. Aka for over half the movie, Brolys dialogue is nothing but RAAAAAAAAAH. Even the actual dialogue DBS Broly has is minimal

SOUND FAMILIAR??

But he gets a pass because the canon police says so right??? Nah

New Broly is boring. They brought him back and made him fight Gogeta because of fanservice and marketing.

Sorry for the rant lol but yeah this is how I feel

[fineinkline]

Swing

Chapter Three: Robin and a Million Wrong Guesses 

Notes:folks, i'm not going to lie, this isn't my best work. Unfortunately for myself I started another fic while writing this one and for some reason my only ideas are for that fic now. I promise, it'll get better...or maybe I'll just give up! we shall see. thank you for all the likes and reblogs, it means a lot!“So, then Dallas is your favorite character?” Robin asks, sitting at a barstool by the kitchen island. Steve and Robin have been filling the time between the arrival of food and Eddie by debating who the best Outsiders character is. “No, dude, Dallas is kinda mean sometimes! I just think he’s hot.” Steve retorts. “Well, if we’re just going by looks then Cherry is my favorite.” Robin smirks over at Steve before saying, “I always took you for a Sodapop kinda guy anyway.” Steve tilts his head, thinking about it a little. “Yeah, I guess. He tries to help out his brothers as best as he can and in the end he gets his heart broken by the girl he is in love with. Sounds about right!” Steve gives a weak chuckle. “No, I meant the fact that you are both willing to do anything for the people you love,” she starts, “But you’re also such pretty boys.” she adds before the moment can get too mushy for either of them. 

As Steve predicted, Eddie and the pizza showed up at the same time. “Ya know, I’ve never actually seen The Outsiders.” Eddie shares, pulling a few slices onto his plate before coating them with the little packet of red pepper flakes. “Seriously,” Robin questions, “I mean you at least read it, right?” There is a moment of silence as they all find a place to sit in the living room. Steve and Robin on the couch and Eddie sprawled out in the big chair Robin was in earlier. “Why would I?” Eddie shrugs as he starts to chow down on his first slice. Robin and Steve exchange a glance and chuckle a little before Robin says “Because it was required reading junior year…” “Was it? Man, seems like ages ago. I don’t know, man. Maybe I did read it, but all the books they made us read were shit. I like to get lost in a book and I couldn’t really relate to Pip from Great Expectations.” Everyone laughed a little trying to picture Eddie really diving into the woes of a young man trying to climb the social and financial ladder all while trying to woo a girl. 

“Okay, maybe I seriously misjudged the book.” They are about thirty minutes into the movie and Johnny and Ponyboy are running away after killing the Soc to try and find Dallas. Steve laughs a little, “Yeah, you think! It’s actually a really interesting story, right?!” Robin is lying across the sofa with her feet in Steve’s lap and Eddie has turned in the chair to get a better view of the TV, so his back is against an arm rest and his legs are thrown over the other armrest. “So who is your favorite character so far?” Robin asks. Earlier Steve and Robin decided that a person's type could be determined by who their favorite Outsiders character is. For example, Robin’s favorite character is Cherry and Robin has a thing for cute redheads. Steve’s favorite is Dallas because he is a “bad boy” with a heart of gold. “Sodapop!” Eddie answers without hesitation and Robin’s eyes get big as they drift over to lock with Steve’s. She purses her lips and tilts her head toward Steve as if to say “very interesting”. 

After the movie was over, the trio let the credits roll as Robin and Steve let Eddie talk through and dissect the whole story (like he should’ve done junior year). When he’s done going over metaphors and character archetypes, Robin asks again, “So is Soda still your favorite character?” “Of course,” Eddie half-shouts, throwing his hands up, “why wouldn’t he be?” Robin snickers a little and slips a sideways glance before explaining her “Outsiders type” theory to Eddie. “Okay?” he says puzzled, “So I have a thing for pretty guys who are nice. Is that really a surprise?” He shrugs as he settles back into the chair. Steve can feel his face getting warmer and he can’t tell if it’s because Eddie just confirmed for 100% fact that he is Eddie’s type or if it’s because he can feel Robin staring at him trying to get him to look over and have another eye contact conversation. “So, I guess I can rule out Gareth,” Robin states sitting up on the sofa while Steve still refuses to make eye contact with her. Eddie’s brows knit together in confusion and he starts to look around a little thinking he missed something and somehow ended up in a different conversation, “Rule out Gareth for what? What did I miss?” “As the mystery man you keep ditching us for,” Robin wiggles her fingers when she says mystery. Eddie just laughs, “Oh, yeah that. Yeah I wouldn’t go for Gareth, but that’s not to say he hasn’t tried.” Steve can tell by the way Eddie is shifting in his chair that he is trying to move the conversation away from this topic. He isn’t the best at keeping secrets anyway and especially not now that Robin is pressing him for information. “Oh really?” Robin’s bangs shoot up behind her eyebrows, “what has he tried?” She asks, leaning forward to place her elbows on her knees while she listens. Steve perches forward a little as well, he never knew Gareth tried anything and, let's be honest, Steve is known to get a little jealous sometimes. 

“Nothing really,” Eddie tries to brush it away, waving his hand in the air like it can actually push the conversation away,  “when he first joined Hellfire he would stay behind and help me with character sheets and one shots and stuff. The whole time I thought he was just super into D&D, but it turns out that he thought of them as dates.” Eddie was fiddling with his rings now and Steve huffed a little as he crossed his arms across his chest. “Pretty presumptuous, if you ask me.” It comes out as more of a mumble, but both Robin and Eddie hear and give him a look that says “what the fuck are you doing”. Steve rolls his eyes as he gets up to take their trash from dinner into the kitchen. “If it’s not someone we already know, then why are you being so secretive about it?” Even in the kitchen, Steve can hear Robin trying to whisper. There is a long pause and for a moment Steve thinks that maybe Eddie answered so quietly that he just couldn’t hear him. “Unless,” Robin starts, “it IS someone we know and that’s why you won’t tell us!” “Woah, wait a-” Eddie tries to defend himself, but Robin has already started shouting theories of who it could be and why Eddie would be hiding it. Steve makes his way back into the living room to find Robin standing on the couch slightly pacing as she rambles about who it could possibly be. Eddie is standing, staring up at her with a look of hopelessness on his face. Eddie and Steve look at each other, “should we just tell her?” Steve’s eyes ask. “She was bound to find out sometime,” Eddie’s eyes responded with a resigned shrug of his shoulders. “Robin-” Steve shouts, hands on his hips, she continues to ramble on about how it can’t be Argyle because there was no reason to hide that from anyone. “It would have to be someone super embarrassing, or maybe,” she pauses her pacing on the couch, “maybe he isn’t even out yet and that’s why you wont tell us!” “Robin!” Steve continues, if she would just stop for a second they’ll just tell her. “Oh Eddie, NO!” She suddenly stops her pacing and hops to the floor grabbing onto Eddie’s shoulders and giving him a little shake, “It’s Tommy Hagan isn’t it?!” 

“WHAT?!” Both Eddie and Steve shout in shock before the whole room falls silent and still. Robin still has her hands on Eddie’s shoulders and her eyes seem to be pleading with him to tell her it isn’t true. Steve still has his hands on his hips, but his jaw had dropped nearly to the floor at the assumption that Eddie would go for someone like Tommy. Hadn’t Eddie just said he liked pretty boys who were nice? Tommy H was certainly not that! Why the hell would Eddie date Tommy? “Well I was just going to tell you who it was, but now I’ve got to hear this theory!” Eddie starts laughing so hard that he bends slightly at the waist and grabs his sides. Steve is still standing there, fuming over a relationship that wouldn’t happen in any world, and Robin is now looking at Eddie like he’s lost it. 

After being able to look at Robin without breaking out into a fit of laughter, Eddie collapses on the couch and pulls Robin down with him leaving Steve standing still unsure of what exactly was going on. “Go on, tell me how you came to the conclusion that my secret lover is Tommy fucking Hagan.” Eddie can’t even get the sentence out without laughing. “Secret. Lover?” Steve ground out, giving Eddie an incredulous look. It was bad enough that Robin guessed Tommy, Eddie didn’t need to suggest anything further. Robin ignores Steve and barrels into explaining her thought process. “Well, it would have to be someone who we all know AND someone who would be embarrassing in some way or another. I would be pretty embarrassed to be dating the douchebag who slams people’s heads into lockers for laughs. But, no judgment here, my dear sweet Eddie, it’s hard enough for us gays here in Bumfuck, Indiana. If you really like him, then I’ll be happy to keep your secret.” Eddie is sent into another fit of giggles, meanwhile Steve lets the frustration sink in. He can’t believe Robin truly thinks Eddie would date some dipshit like Tommy! “You must be joking!” Steve starts, causing Robin to turn fully to face him and Eddie’s laughter to die down. “You really think that Eddie would willingly go out with the guy who threatened to dunk his head in a toilet or light his hair on fire?” There is a long pause as Steve looks at Robin in disbelief. “Well…that’s part of the reason he doesn’t want to tell anyone.” She states again. “Oh Jesus, Robin!” Steve throws his hands in the air before they come down with a sharp smack against his thighs. “Look, Robs, it was hilarious at first,” Eddie says, drawing her attention away from Steve's mini mental break, “But, I do have higher standards than that.”

“Then who?! Who could it possibly be?!” “ME, Robin! Did you ever think that, maybe, it could possibly be me?” Steve asks rhetorically with eyes wide. Both Eddie and Robin are now staring at him like he was in the middle of growing a third head. There is a long silence. A couple minutes stretches into 10 minutes of silence. Robin looking between the two boys, Eddie looking at Steve with adoration and looking back at Robin to gauge her reaction, but through the whole time, Steve kept his eyes on Robin. It must’ve been twenty minutes before someone made a sound and when they did, it was Robin laughing.

[valkylander]

I mean this is the most sincere way what is appealing about incest shipping or underage shipping ? I understand dead dove stuff I like dead dove but ????

Okay, genuinely thank you for asking. Not just because I like to talk about it, but because I sincerely appreciate when someone asks what the appeal of something is instead of just blanket condemning people who enjoy it. And I apologize in advance that the answer is both long and, because I do not know the sum total of human experience, incomplete.

So, someone might ship something they would never condone IRL for any number of reasons.

1. The ship appeals to you for completely different reasons. Most people don't think of characters in terms of canon age and many familial relationships are not written in a way that scans to those actual relationships. Because of that, a person might ship a set of characters "in spite" of an age gap or a familial relationship. Most Wincest shippers aren't incest kinksters, they would just ship Sam and Dean together regardless of whether or not they're supposed to be written as brothers, and literally no Sonic fan artist has ever thought about a Sonic character's age in their life.

2. The forbidden love trope. You mentioned that you like non-ship dead dove content. That tells me you probably understand that sometimes the appeal of something isn't that you want it to happen, but that it is very emotionally affecting. A romantic relationship that one or all parties involved believes is completely off the table, no matter how much they want it, can be very emotionally affecting. It works better when you would also agree that that relationship shouldn't happen and having it be something you would condemn IRL does a good job of that.

In my experience, this also works very well as a queer metaphor. I don't like stories where the only reason two girls don't get together is because of internalized homophobia. But, as a lesbian, I do experience that same internalized homophobia. So I have an easier time connecting those feelings to a story where two girls resist getting together because they're related instead.

3. You have some kind of kink. I won't lie, this is the case for some people. Human brains eroticize taboo subjects, especially ones that a person has a past trauma with. This is normal and healthy. And anyone with a guro or inflation kink (or, hell, a furry) can tell you it doesn't mean you want it to happen to someone for real.

For many people this one applies to, they actually project on the would-be victim of the situation rather than the perpetrator (the younger party, the student, etc). Most of the people shipping Sailor Moon and Tuxedo Mask together in the 92 anime didn't want to groom middle schoolers, they wanted to pretend to be a middle schooler with a cool college aged boyfriend. (Though I should note, this does not mean people projecting onto Tuxedo Mask would be doing anything wrong. No one is being hurt, which is the important thing.)

4. It helps you cope. Projecting your trauma onto fictional characters, using fictional scenarios to play out events similar to your trauma, or even writing new, happy endings to things that happened to you, are all documented ways therapists and psychiatrists recommend coping with and healing from trauma. They allow someone to take control of what happened to them.

5. Spite. Look, is it pretty? No. But sometimes you want to do something harmless just because someone told you you can't. I feel like this also applies to crackships. Like, if someone's out there shipping Gary Oak with Delia Ketchum just because they thought it would be funny, that's a valid reason to do it. Of someone genuinely enjoys shipping Dib and Zim together solely because someone told them it was immoral and they thought that was ridiculous, that's valid.

These are generalities and specific people can talk about specific ships in more detail. And there are probably other reasons that don't fit into these categories that I don't know about or didn't think about. But these are the big ones that I know about, and none of them require ever thinking those relationships would be acceptable IRL.