#you could put them worlds apart and they'd create a new one for themselves just to see each other

[kevindavidday]

i was re-re-re-reading lessons in cartography by profenity (as one does) and i was hit with such an insane affection for andreil suddenly like i was 16 reading the same two people fall for each other and thinking yeah that sure is love and almost a decade later my thoughts haven't changed at all? cause ykw that™ sure is love

[soapoet]

What makes you different...

...from their previous partners?

requested by anon.

like & rb if it resonates ♡

01.

Your person has been through it, and you may have too, which for many of you forms a deep understanding regarding fears of repeating the type of betrayal you have both seen. In comparison to their past rendezvous, they find your relationship very secure. They feel free to voice their thoughts and feelings without guilt or shame, or outright fear of retaliation as they've grown to expect misunderstandings and gaslighting. For many, they have been cheated on, so your honesty, integrity, and loyalty sets you apart from their prior experiences.

I see them taken aback quite often. Their previous relations may have trained them to always anticipate the worst, so the clarity in your communication and how you handle conflict takes them by surprise. They're used to shouting matches and slamming doors. You express yourself when you are hurt in ways that does not tear them down. There's no eye for an eye with you because you're not as spiteful as their past lovers. Really, they simply put don't need to fear you.

They could have remnants of a jealous streak, though it transforms into a protective nature over time as they come to find that they truly can trust you. You play no games made for them to lose, and you do not go out of your way to cause them jealousy or fear the end of the relationship. You're understanding even when you air your grievances, and wish to solve problems rather than create new ones and make it worse and make them regretful they every said anything at all.

They feel safe to allow you much further into their internal world than others before you because you are respectful of what lies beyond the surface and beyond. You're neither judgemental or cruel, petty, and neither are you a bully. The way the two of you are able to relate to each other's history and defining moments inspires an unspoken promise to keep each other safe, and never trespass against boundaries or breaking any agreed upon rules.

Passion, they'll find, holds hands with love, not just with hate. They find your unquenchable thirst and will to engage with and pursue your desires intoxicating. You inspire them where others have knocked them down or ridiculed them. You encourage their passion and make them feel appreciated, even admired. Others have forced them to turn cold, but you reignite their emotional expression, awakening it from its hibernation so that it may come out to play in your spring weather.

02.

Your person has often resorted to selective hearing just to keep themselves both calm and sane. Friends and family would tell them frequently how poorly they choose their partners. They are not quite certain how or why they wound up repeating patterns in the past. Acting on impatience infused impulse they would take prospective partners at face value and believe their facades, exaggerations, and lies. Then before they'd know it, they'd find themselves in commitment with someone falling short of their ideals and what they thought they were signing themselves up for based on promising beginnings which quickly turned sour.

I see them in the past dealing with people first seemingly so deserving of worshipping, only for the tune to change to simply entitled and bratty very quickly. You are clear in your expectations and standards, but you're not loud in your demands, and to them it is refreshing that you rarely make them. This causes them to really take the demands you do make to heart and try to give you what you want or need, or try in earnest to find compromise where needed. After so many partners chewing them out and complaining about this and that at a constant flow of negativity, you're a shocking change of pace.

You're not needlessly argumentative and choose your battles wisely. They're used to practically carrying their partners away from conflict and praying to higher beings they won't even start when they'd just like a peaceful outing or a nice afternoon. The only drama you bring to the table is gossip shared for the two of you to joke about together like best friends, not the kind where they are expected to end fights you started.

By comparison to past lovers, you are mature and ooze worthiness, the kind you don't need to be so loud about. What comes to mind is the demands of princess treatment vs. earning queen treatment. Their past is full of rather immature partners who rarely pursued their own goals, and your ambition, self awareness and sense of self worth rather than ego and chasing empty applause makes them view you as an equal who is truly worth their time, money, effort, and devotion. You're on the same wavelength and it makes the whole power couple thing come so much more naturally.

Not to mention you're much better received by their friends and family. They really have no concerns about bringing you home to meet their family because they know how you carry yourself with grace, and how your charm is genuine. You're very natural and likeable, and don't try too hard. Loved ones may very quickly tell them not to screw this up, and make sure you're always comfortable and feel welcome in their homes, and begin nudging your person very early on to put a ring on it.

03.

Your person has very little experience before you, possibly none for some, at least nothing serious enough to write home about. You fit their idea of love very well, however, and they can feel surprised by how well things go with you. They've heard horror stories from friends and read the reddit posts about wildly tumultuous relationships, and be shocked by their first serious relationship with you.

It's just so easy. You compete only with their solitude, and always seem to win. They find themselves at peace with you more than they ever expected to when sharing so much time and space with another. Things weren't supposed to work out so well in this day and age, and the romcoms were exaggerations, right? Yet they find your relationship so sweet, and stable in its simplicity.

They have a past with some kind of toxicity aimed at them. For some this is family, for others it's a friend. Either way they've been used to making themselves small and to take on burdens of others by force. Emotional labour performed with a gun to their head. They have no qualms about caring for you, and are in fact more than happy to be at your beck and call because you're encouraging of them too. It's quite sad to say, but it seems that either in their family or amongst their peers they've often wound up with a target on their back solely for, well, being an easy target.

You help them stand up for themself, and help them overcome a lot of things which cause them anxiety. They're able to share their thoughts and feelings, express their excitement about their interests and feel heard when they're with you. You may very well share quite a few interests in common, which to them is an entirely new concept as they're used to others finding their interests dumb, childish, or useless. You seem to make equally amazing friends and lovers.

They're very clever and you're one of the first to give them credit for it. You're able to gently coax them out of their shell, and their otherwise cautious nature shifts to a more adventurous and daring one. And this all by no means require great efforts on your part, as by simply being your usual self makes them feel safe enough to be themselves too. You're quite similar in many ways, though you differ in how you come to the same conclusions on different topics, and these variables are small but delightful surprises for the two of you to rejoice over and discuss. You're a very healing and brightening connection in their life, and as thanks they'd fetch you the moon if they could.

04.

There is a lot of chemistry between you and your person, much more than they have experienced in previous relationships. That's not to say they have necessarily all been bad, they just lacked this kind of easy yet electrifying, "meeting of the minds" -type of chemistry. Their past lovers have been drama-free and they've enjoyed very stable relationships, albeit very milquetoast in comparison to you and the relationship you provide. Don't take this the wrong way, but they dated "perfect" long enough to realise it is merely good enough, and you with your various hiccups are more interesting and much more worth their attention. Imperfections are needed and challenges are opportunities to strengthen bonds in ways "perfect" cannot.

Though many of their previous partners have, like they themself, been stable and secure, they have also felt taken for granted, and in some instances, taken advantage of. They're a very reliable and caring person, but have not always had the best luck in terms of finding reciprocal love. More often than not, affections quickly grew monotonous and became routine, leaving them under the impression that love is just that, routine. Gifts and attention easily grew to be something expected of them rather than something truly appreciated and met with gratituse and adoration.

They're dutiful in all areas of life, but find a new pep in their step regarding their romantic duties thanks to you. They find you delightful and full of surprises. The latter being something they perhaps thought was a bad thing for a long time. You keep them on their toes a little. Enough to excite them and keep the sparks flying, but not to the point of making them nauseous. You're different from them, and as they previously dated people much too similar to themself, you're a welcome breath of fresh air, like coming face to face with the sea and its breeze for the first time.

They feel a sense of freedom with you that they never found in their past relationships. Sometimes they may have walked on eggshells, but most of all I see them often turning into a shell of their true self. In their pursuit to stick to a comfortable routine and not upset their previous partners with anything too wild or crazy, they held back on things they wanted, and put running the day to day smoothly above their own interests and whims. Through you they reconnect with these things, and you inspire them to reach for new opportunities and tap into their slumbering zest for life.

The nostalgia you evoke by merely daring to stay true to yourself, speaking your mind and pursuing your own adventures makes their efforts of creating stability in your relationship actually feel worthwhile and welcome. You fascinate them, and every day they learn something new about or through you, which makes them feel more alive. They find themselves reminiscing about how they used to be before, until they slowly take their power back and align more with their true self. Their attraction to you never seems to dull down and they more readily show their appreciation and love for you. You inspire a greater sense of romance in them, and have them thinking very differently about love. Where they previously had their linear idea of how a relationship progresses, they suddenly take more risks and stop thinking about things so meticulously and leave some things up to chance. Where once they would've waited 5 years to propose, they no longer feel the need for these arbitrary and restrictive milestones and simply propose when it feels right.

05.

Your person is quite the whirlwind. They've explored many options in love and life, or at the very least had plenty of offers. None of them ever fit quite right, though, and many may have accused them of being too picky or unreliable due to their flighty nature. You're more akin to them, and balanced in all the right places to match their energy. There is a healthy kind of push and pull between you which keeps things interesting in the long run. Many before you have been demanding in terms of commitment and how that commitment is supposed to look like, and how and when things are meant to unfold. Your love isn't like clockwork, and though you have your ideas and hopes for the future of the relationship, you don't make demands and nag them down to the bone when things don't happen on your schedule.

This actually leaves room for their spontaneity, and keeps their interest alive and well, inspiring them to take bigger leaps in love precisely because restraints don't weigh them down. Others before you have been a little too predictable for them. The scheduling types with their plethora of to-do lists and colour coded planners which only makes them anxious and has them running for the hills. You're willing to explore and experience life, and they appreciate your willingness to at least give things a try, even when you're scared or uncertain.

This isn't to say they would push you beyond your limits or cross boundaries. They've simply dealt with a lot of naysayers and those who are never up to the challenge and would rather not invest their time or energy into something unknown. Unlike those before you, you take a bite of that unfamiliar food, agree to watch the pilot of that show, or pack a weekend bag on short notice to get out of town for an impromptu getaway.

Best of all, when you don't wish to leave your comfort zone you allow them the freedom to venture out on their own, without guilt tripping them into staying or blowing up their phone when they're away, freaking out when they don't respond immediately, or otherwise make their free spirit out to be the worst thing in the world. They return the same energy to you and have no qualms about your individual pursuits and are very encouraging of your prospects, opportunities, and ideas.

I see them watching you sometimes as you engage excitedly with something new that's caught your interest, and they wonder why your kind is so rare. From their perspective, as an eternal seeker, they've met and mingled with so many people, and few have truly been so excitable, finding joy in small things and not being so afraid of the unknown and unexplored. Your aversion of uncertainty and change is healthy, not the kind that immediately loses its marbles and makes mere suggestions out to be a big and horrid deal that threatens to ruin the day. They really revel in the trust that you have in them, which in turn makes them choose to be deserving of that trust every day.

06.

Soapy scribbles: If you're not in the right head space to hear mentions of abuse and trauma, I encourage you to leave this reading for another time. Take good care of yourself, ok? ♡

This one is heavy. Your person has a difficult history with abuse and addiction. Their previous lovers have been unstable and caused them a lot of grief. You're the polar opposite of their previous entanglements, and they are in awe of the fact something so gentle could touch their heart. For a long time they may have blamed themselves and thought they deserved these bad memories. They're hard on themselves and have a lot of guilt and shame for their past mistakes, and may have taken their past abuse as punishment they deserved. Of course they are wrong, and you help them see this.

You allow them room to grow. You're patient where others have given up on them or turned to verbal or even physical harm against them when they haven't performed quite to the standards set upon them. They may genuinely be shaken by your genuine kindness towards them and wonder what they did right to find an end to their darkness.

I must honestly say that I view their previous partners very poorly. You couldn't be more different than what they have seen before you came into their life. The difference is like night and day. You do not keep them walking on eggshells and do not shift from peace to war at the drop of a hat. You're generous with your time and you're understanding of their scars. They need not hide their pain from you lest you would use it against them.

Your presence in their life rewires so many things that were previously all tangled up by others before you. They're able to safely work out their difficulties and face their fears with you by their side. They take your advice and apply it knowing that they can trust you. You may fear dependency, but really I'm seeing them growing whole within themselves by your influence and becoming stronger and more independent as a result of your connection. It's much akin to a phoenix rising from the ashes. Like you found faintly glowing embers in the dark, stuck around quietly watching, and got a fiercly loyal and protective beast for seemingly just being a good person.

They're inspired by your own resilience and strength. Many of you may have been through very dark nights and dying embers too, and your survival story helps motivate them to pursue happiness as something they, too, deserve, and will do anything to return this favour to you for the stability you provided them when they needed it the most.

[bi-bard]

The Yearbook Series - Sleeping At Last Writing Challenge

This is the masterlist for a writing challenge dedicated to the "Yearbook" project created by Sleeping at Last.

Each story will go with one month. Each month has a dedicated EP with three songs. Each song will get its own part of the story.

So, to put it simply, each story will have three parts.

I hope you enjoy this writing challenge.

[Note: parts are listed in chronological order of my stories, which may not be the same as how they appear on the original EPs]

January [Will Graham X Reader]

Wires [Release Date: 2/20/2023]

Catch Our Breath and Let Go Summary: (Y/n) and Will have worked together for a long time now. As time goes on, the pair seemingly dance around each other. When the people stuck working with them get tired of watch it, Will and (Y/n) find themselves forced to confront how they feel.

January White [Release Date: 2/22/2023]

If Nothing Else, We're Given a Little Time to Change the Heart in Which We Change Our Minds Summary: The year has come and gone. It's meant to be a season of new beginnings and letting the past lie. The question is whether Will and (Y/n) can hold that lesson to heart and move on from each of their mistakes.

The Ash Is in Our Clothes [Release Date: 2/24/2023]

The Ash Is in Our Clothes Summary: Will wasn't one to credit fate for what has happened in his life. However, (Y/n) may have been the exception to that rule. If only the universe wasn't just as cruel as it was kind.

February [Dean Winchester X Reader]

Land or Sea [Release Date: 3/2/2023]

Our Process Implies Our Progress Summary: Hunting was sometimes a painful reminder that no day was promised to you. When (Y/n) is given that harsh reminder, Dean takes it upon himself to help them as much as possible.

Learning Curve [Release Date: 3/4/2023]

No Learning Curve Could Ever Bend Us Too Far Out of Shape Summary: It wasn't rare for a dream to be more tempting than reality. But sometimes- just sometimes- reality can come through and put that dream to shame.

Dear True Love [Release Date: 3/6/2023]

What Little That I Have to Give, I Will Give It All to You Summary: After years of avoiding and expecting the worst from the world, Dean finally feels like he's won.

March [Twelfth Doctor X Reader]

Pacific [Release Date: 4/5/2023]

Pacific Summary: The Doctor saves a kingdom from falling apart. The soon-to-be-ruler finds themself intrigued with the man who to literally fall from the sky. That man offers (Y/n) a chance to see so much more than the world that they know for most of their life.

Outlines [Release Date: 4/7/2023]

I'm Crossing My Fingers for Something to Hold Summary: Traveling with the Doctor offers (Y/n) more of a purpose than they have ever known before. Not that the doctor would ever believe that.

Birthright [Release Date: 4/9/2023]

But All Impossible Odds Foreshadow Our Means Summary: (Y/n) returns home to find their army on the verge of war. They're ready to fight for the people that they care for. The Doctor understands that but all he wants is to keep them from making the same mistake that he did.

April [Jay Halstead X Reader]

Intermission [Release Date: 5/3/2023]

I'm Here, Somewhere Between Victory and a White Flag Summary: (Y/n) jumped around from place to place for a long time. They never thought that they'd find a place that felt right. After finding out about these thoughts, Jay does what he can to make 21st District feel like home.

Tethered [Release Date: 5/5/2023]

You'll Be the Oxygen I Need Summary: After a case takes a bad turn, Jay is taken hostage by the very person that the team had been chasing. The peace of getting him back only lasts for a few hours before the aftereffects start to rear their ugly head.

In the Meantime [Release Date: 5/7/2023]

Maybe There's No Answer Here, At Least One We're Ready to Hear Summary: Jay and (Y/n) planned for forever. However, no one can plan for everything. Now, Jay begs for one night of normalcy before everything falls apart.

May [Dick Grayson X Reader]

Segue [Release Date: 5/14/2023]

Segue Summary: Dick never planned to fall for someone. However, when a new vigilante shows up in Gotham, he finds his attention torn from his work. And he can't find it in himself to feel upset about that.

Pacific Blues [Release Date: 5/16/2023]

Imagine How Brave I'd Be, If I Knew I'd Be Safe Summary: Dick's life has been marked by loss. (Y/n) understands that. Still, they want to try to be with him, no matter the risks.

Silhouettes [Release Date: 5/18/2023]

When It Surfaces, Just Hold Your Breath and Swim Summary: (Y/n) never expected Dick to come back to Gotham. When he does, they wanted to forget all that had happened between them. However, after Dick gets into a fight with Bruce, (Y/n) finds themself remembering the things that led him to run away in the first place.

June [Kaz Brekker X Reader]

Hourglass [Release Date: 7/3/2023]

How Did We Get So Good at Dismantling These Hearts? Summary: Kaz gets word of a new job for the Crows. On the surface, it appeared to be nothing other than a normal job. However, when he tells the crew, (Y/n) has a reaction that immediately catches his attention. He just needs to find out why.

Atlantic [Release Date: 7/5/2023]

Atlantic Summary: Kaz goes to (Y/n) for help in preparing for the upcoming heist, much to (Y/n)'s confusion. Luckily, all is made clear soon enough.

The Sea of Atlas [Release Date: 7/7/2023]

Such Careful Words That We Can Barely Speak Out Loud Summary: The Crows return from their latest job. With Kaz back in Ketterdam, (Y/n) sees no better time for them to discuss what had happened before he left.

July [Arthur Shelby X Child!Reader]

Aperture [Release Date: 7/24/2023]

I Know that I've Asked it Before but Please Let the Scale Tip Here in My Favor Summary: Arthur finds a kid hiding in the shadows of an alley. He never thought that a single act of kindness could lead to anything bigger than that. And yet, he finds himself hoping that he doesn't screw everything up in the long run.

Hit or Miss [Release Date: 7/26/2023]

Only Time Will Tell On Which Pedestal We Were Meant to Stand Summary: Polly talks some sense into Arthur after his behavior becomes out of control and he ends up pushing away the one person that seemed to care for him no matter what.

Wilderness [Release Date: 7/28/2023]

Be Your Best for Her Summary: Arthur faces the reality of (Y/n) growing up... and he despises it.

August [Karen Sirko X Reader]

Page 28 [Release Date: 8/11/2023]

I Guess I'm Trusting That There's Such a Thing as Elegance in Dissonance Summary: An old friend of the original Dunne Brothers finds their way to the band's doorstep. At one of the worst points of their life, (Y/n) is forced to reevaluate their life so far. The biggest question is where (Y/n) is going to end up once they get through all of their self-reflection.

No Argument [Release Date: 8/13/2023]

Only Love Can Change the Shape of Such Permanent Truths Summary: After their first kiss, Karen finds herself pushing (Y/n) away. The tour for the band's new album "AURORA" seems like the perfect chance for her to get over her feelings. However, when (Y/n) comes to visit the band at their hometown show, Karen realizes that distance did nothing to help her.

Households [Release Date: 8/15/2023]

Households Summary: Karen and (Y/n) find themselves at complete peace when Karen comes home from tour for the first time since their bought their first home together.

September [Sebastian Sanger X Reader]

Noble Aim [Release Date: 10/13/2023]

Chances are We are the Same; Against the Odds, Against the Grain Summary: Two damaged people find that there are more similarities between them than they originally thought. That discovery leads them to becoming closer than either of them thought that they'd be.

Goes On and On [Release Date: 10/15/2023]

In Your Disbelief, You'll Clear Your Eyes as If You're Seeing Light for the Very First Time Summary: (Y/n) and Sebastian find themselves in the care of the Titans. While they are dealing with the reality of being suddenly pulled away from their lives, (Y/n) tries to keep hopes high with the promise of what could be after all of this is said and done.

Resolve. [Release Date: 10/17/2023]

What was Kindness in Our Eyes is Now a Blemished Masterpiece Summary: In which two people want the other to see their side of something monumental, only to be met with stubbornness and refusal.

October [Marianne Sheridan X Reader]

Next To Me [Release Date: TBD]

Nothing's Felt More Sure Than When You Were Next to Me Summary: After Marianne's relationship with amie falls apart, she finds comfort in (Y/n), the one consistent thing in her life. Now, whether or not that comfort was healthy was a different topic entirely... a topic that Marianne had no interest in confronting.

Watermark [Release Date: TBD]

You Were Carved Out of the Sea, Watermarked by Your Ancestry Summary: Marianne's past had left her cold and disconnected. (Y/n) was anything but. As the intimacy between them becomes more intense, (Y/n) finds themself unable to ignore the feelings in them. The only question is if the knowledge of those feelings will be enough for Marianne to stop pretending that she had truly been disconnected.

Homesick [Release Date: TBD]

Cry Heart, Cry Yourself to Sleep, Cry a Storm of Tears If It Helps You Breathe Summary: (Y/n) had always been the perfect image of someone good. Warm, kind, and beautiful in every way imaginable. At least, that's what Marianne thought. What was she supposed to do when confronted with that image falling apart?

November [Clara Oswald X Reader]

Bright & Early [Release Date: TBD]

The Warmth of Blankets Makes Me Nervous Summary: Clara gets the opportunity to meet one of the Doctor's old acquaintances. As the pair get to know each other more, some interesting habits of (Y/n)'s begin to rear their ugly head. The only question is how Clara chooses to respond to it.

101010 [Release Date: TBD]

Change is Slow, But I Feel It Taking Shape Summary: Clara's stubbornness gives (Y/n) the change to experience and recognize some feelings that they hadn't felt in a long time. Accepting and acting on those feelings proves to be one of the biggest hurdles that (Y/n) had ever been forced to confront.

Emphasis [Release Date: TBD]

Life is a Gorgeous, Broken Gift Summary: (Y/n) and Clara get their chance to be happy together. However, one risk being taken could lead to the downfall of it all.

December [Emily Prentiss X Reader]

Accidental Light [Release Date: TBD]

Some Call It Reckless, Some Call It Breathing Summary: Joining the BAU is like joining an already perfect family. (Y/n)'s attempts to find their place in that family, leading to some very reckless decisions. They should have expected to be questioned by some of the people around them.

Snow [Release Date: TBD]

May the Melody Disarm Us Summary: The team makes several attempts to make (Y/n) feel accepted and valued to the team. One of them succeeds in what seems like the most obvious way ever.

From the Ground Up [Release Date: TBD]

Right as Rain, Soft as Snow Summary: After Rossi's dinner, (Y/n) and Emily have yet another important conversation.

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Some Original Characters

[yasashiiku]

@raytm sent a crow ;

⏰ something with shou’s dad !

𝑷𝒓𝒐𝒇𝒆𝒔𝒔𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒂𝒍𝒊𝒔𝒎 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒆𝒕𝒊𝒒𝒖𝒆𝒕𝒕𝒆 𝒘𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒏𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒈𝒓𝒂𝒄𝒆 , necktie nearly suffocating your breath, it felt like a leash more than anything else, an invisible rope connecting your neck to the hands of forced obligations and fake roles. Usually, you could avoid gathering without a problem, you simply don't go, choosing to hide away in your room or in Fukuda's apartment. But things are different this time, not as easy, not when the meeting is in your own house, not when the party was alive right beneath your watching eyes. The second floor was somewhat calmer, the guests mostly crowding the first one more and more by the second, your arms rest upon polished marble railing, taking in the scene from above.

Everyone knows you, greetings and introduction were a painful duty, you bore too much a resemblance to the host to not be recognized. You don't know anyone except, of course, the host, the false king, the shithead with the tongue dripping of honeyed lies and promised power. Your father. He stands there surrounded by the adoring crowds, men and women well dressed for the occasion with greedy smiles and gleeful eyes and empty heads. Your father sure has way with words and people, that bastard, with how he managed to make all of those airheads believe that they'd get even a drop of benefit by joining him in his quest to " create a new world. "

What a laughing stock, fucking idiots, give it a few hours and whatever names were heard today would be erased from your father's mind the next day, only kept in tight contracts and signed papers that funneled whatever the hell Claw needed to grow. You can picture some of them getting recruited against their will or something, the ones with the psychic auras annoyingly clogging your senses, weak as they are, they might prove themselves useful. The rest, however, you just know terrible things await them, there was even the possibility of getting murdered, you scowl at their unpleasant gathering, you sure hope the majority get killed.

❝ Shou-kun, ❞ you don't respond, they don't intend on hearing you out anyway. ❝ Suzuki-san expects you down in the next 10 minutes. He says that your presence at the meeting is important. ❞

You want to do something, cause something, something stirs inside of you and it's growing and hurting and dangerous. You wonder what a hall full of terrified shrieking would sound like, you wonder who would be the victim, the guy who shook your hand earlier with bloodlust in his eyes, or the woman who whispered something about using telekinesis to get rid of witnesses of a crime. You wonder if anyone would try to stop you, but you just know that you'd end up with selfish cowards running away for their lives.

You can teach them a lesson, you can be terrifying and unforgiving and righteous. You can hurt them. Every single one of them is guilty of this hell arising, and every single one of them deserves to get hurt.

Your father's gaze meets yours from downstairs, and whatever moved inside of you was instantly slayed by the sharpness of those eyes so similar to yours. You move right away, not wasting a second in staring back.

They deserve a lot of things, you can do a lot of things, but it doesn't change what you are, just a cowardly thing bleeding on the inside.

You stand motionless in front of large doors, your father right besides you, his aura hidden so well that you can't even sense his presence and it aggregates you so much you simply want to curse him right then and there for everything he is putting you through and for everything he has ever done. He walks in before you do, you take off the necktie with so much force it almost hurts, the material burns in your hands thanks to pyrokinesis and disappears into thin air before you enter to greet yet another group of fools.

You, too, are a fool in your own way. You just refuse to accept it, you can't live with such knowledge.

❝ My son, ❞ Your father announces to wide windows and golden lights and conceited men surrounding the gleaming meeting table, his hands rest upon your shoulders, too close for your liking. You don't look at anything ahead, taking interest in the sickening white tiles beneath your feet. ❝ An esper. ❞

Only then you decide, if you can give them a taste of what awaits, then you won't miss such a chance. You look up with a level to your head, and a smile helps you to bare your teeth. The force of your aura spreads across the room, pressing on the air and making it hard to inhale, your father wouldn't notice, and if he does, you can't give a shit, it's not like a little fun would ruin everything for him. Even if you foolishly wish from the bottom of your beaten heart that it just would.

---

Proud hands on your shoulders, a threatening smile to your lips.

You set beside the marble railing. The house is empty and dark just as it's large and deserted. The months killed the parties and the gatherings and Claw and everything that had to do with it. You're free of professional leashes and stupid obligations, yet you wonder if something inside of you got killed along everything else.

Proud hands on your shoulders, the same hands around your throat.

You wonder how long you will keep on bleeding for all the things you can do.

[kyugens]

Being inside his brother's apartment and preparing dinner is as normal as breathing. It should feel as normal as breathing, he's done this for years, but it doesn't.

The reason he's here isn't like the many times before. His brother confided in him on his new relationship status several weeks ago. His reaction can't be labeled as anything other than angry and slightly volatile. Yeah yeah, he's trying to work on that...

Now he's trying to mend the distance he created, apologize without having to say it's an apology. Though he's prepared in case he'll have to say the words. He's beat down his pride in the last few days for the possibility.

"I can't take this anymore," he announces, breaking the mundane silence. He sets down his knife and stares down his brother. "So why Kakashi," he voices, "out all of people." Fuck it, he'll just be straight with it.

unprompted – always accepting!

Patience is a virtue – one Itachi does not possess and, quite frankly, has refused to work on for most of his life. The prospect of waiting for things to work themselves out is absurd to him, or even to let blatant disrespect slide? He's done it before, it sat heavily on his stomach, and his tongue bled with the sharp words he had to keep behind the teeth he couldn't bare. He hates it, and the world he grew up in hated it too – that's why they'd teach their children how to hone their skills from a young age. So they could shape the perfect moment to strike with their two hands. Waiting meant getting killed more times than not. This time, waiting meant the feeling of a dull knife ripping through his heart lasted longer, and the bitter taste in his mouth wouldn't ease no matter how much honey he added to his tea. He couldn't rush his brother, he couldn't rush this – his acceptance of his relationship with Kakashi. In fact, after so many years of watching Sasuke grow into his own person, he learned there was hardly anything he could push the younger Uchiha into doing. So for the last month, Itachi was forced to sit on this and wait. The image of Sasuke storming out of his apartment replayed on a loop in his mind, as did his own voice asking Kakashi to leave right after that. Now, though, he was at the kitchen table with a warm cup of tea in his hands, watching the tiny particles of herbs floating around in a beautiful and hypnotizing dance as he, once again, waited. The question caught him off guard, and dark-brown irises rose in search of Sasuke's face and any confirmation that he hadn't heard him wrong. “  Why, you ask...  ”  The realization that he never spared a moment to think about why or how he had feelings for his partner... It hit him like a train. He pondered, trying to think back to the moment he realized he loved Kakashi, but his head was empty, and it felt like thoughts were purposefully escaping his grasp. Itachi continued to look at Sasuke for a while longer. A thick silence hung over their heads before his eyes roamed the room until they stopped at the sink, where he found Kakashi's mug – a smile pulling his lips.  “  Would you believe me if I told you it snuck up on us?  ”  Us – because he was fairly certain Kakashi hadn't planned this either. Them – because he understood Kakashi's struggles with loss and resentment. Because Kakashi wasn't big enough to fill the holes in Itachi's soul, but when they were together, he didn't feel like he was missing anything. And he knew it was the same for Kakashi. “  Kakashi... He sees me for what I am. No matter how hard I try to bury my ugliest parts, to paint them with a pretty color, he recognizes brokenness, and he's not put off by it. He accepts it, but furthermore, he helps me embrace my flaws wholeheartedly as well.  ”  He knew this could be a difficult concept for Sasuke to understand. Itachi had been his role model for most of their lives, after all, but it wasn't blind bias anymore, he hoped.  “  We are very similar people, Sasuke, and yet... We couldn't be more different. Every day I learn something new about him, and while discovering who that man is, I also learn more and more about myself. Things I never thought I could be or feel.  ” With a sigh and a faint feeling of warmth spreading across his face, Itachi looks at Sasuke again. There was nothing he wouldn't do for Sasuke – nothing.  “  If this is going to be a problem between us, Sasuke... I will stop seeing him. I will. You are my brother, and you are my most precious thing. I don't need any of that at the expanse of having you in my life. All I ask is that you consider it carefully.  ”

@tempestflames

[somersetmummy]

(A/N): This fic takes place immediately following book 1 chapter 11 (after being rescued by Sam from Sofia's closet). 

- I promise the Robin lust that is part three is coming soon! -

Series/Pairing: The Nanny Affair (M!Sam Dalton x MC Katie Hide)

Original characters - all property of PB: Katie Hide (MC), Sam Dalton, Mason & Mickey Dalton, Jenny Blake, Robin Flores (part 3 only)

New characters: (present in part 3) Serena-Rose Warren, Tessa Finch, Lucinda Hansen

Rating/Content warning: PG13, a little bit of lust & desire but nothing graphic

Word Count: 1199

Summary: Katie prepares for a night out with the girls but is distracted by a certain roommate...

- Scroll to the bottom for bonus text message between Katie & Jenny -

Find Part One here. 

Part Two -

When Friday evening swiftly arrives, Katie tried to distract herself from the excitement building within by throwing herself into her love of cooking and creating an overly elaborate meal for the boy's dinner. While they don't particularly need a full roast dinner with all the trimmings, she's in far too good a mood to care. As is usually the norm when she cooks dinner, the boys sit at the counter half watching - half playing, keen to be around her as much as possible.

There's a certain calm which they feel when they're with her, safe and warm. They'd spent so much time bounced between family, babysitters and tutors over the last few years they relished the opportunity to be around someone so steady and secure, plus she just effortlessly understood them and knew how to put their needs first.

"Suck it Mason!"

Mickey's cheer startles her from her culinary daze as he slams down the last of the cards in his hand with vigour, winning the nail-biting game of snap the boys are playing.

"Mickey, language...please."

Katie glares at him to show that she's serious but can't completely stifle the grin underneath, threatening to give away the fact that she's humoured by the intensity of their game.

Of the twins, Mickey has always been the most energetic and animated, he rarely holds anything back and doesn't take any prisoners. Mason on the other hand is a much more sensitive soul, wise beyond his seven years and far more observant about the world around him. They're a real split of Sam's personality and a constant reminder of all the things she loves about him.

Before Mickey can apologise, the elevator dings sparking confusion in the kitchen. Katie pulls her phone out of her jeans back pocket to check the time. 5 o'clock on the dot. Equally puzzled and completely in sync with one another, the boys hold a ceasefire in their game as they all turn to look to the hallway waiting to catch a glimpse of the intruder.

Her heart flips as Sam saunters into the room, eyes sparkling and a wide smile already on his face as he takes in the scene before him. He couldn't remember the last time he'd made it home this early, but something had changed recently, something which made him long to be at home, long to play with his boys, long to live a little. And then he locked eyes on that something. Katie.

"Well if it isn't my three-favourite people."

The sincerity in his voice paired with the adoring look he gives is enough to make Katie's knees go weak. The boys are clearly oblivious to the fact that his fiancé should probably be above her on his list of favourite people but in that moment she's happy to take the compliment, nonetheless.

"What are you doing home so early?"

Sam makes his way over to the kitchen, ruffling the boy’s hair before slipping casually onto the bar stool next to Mickey. The boys in return beam at him, revelling in the novelty of having two grown-ups to shower them with attention.

"You didn't think I'd forget your big night out, did you? I wanted to make sure you had plenty of time to get yourself ready without having to chase these two clowns around."

He winks at her before turning back to the boys. Mason throws Sam a look of mock offence at being labelled a clown, Mickey on the other hand smiles proudly, totally owning it.

After putting the boys to bed, Sam settles himself in the living area, pacing around unable to stay still. Nervous energy tingles through his veins as he waits impatiently for Katie to emerge, already letting his mind run away with the less than innocent images of her in his head of how she'll look when she appears.

Nothing could've prepared him for what he was about to see as she emerged like a butterfly from its cocoon, transformed.

With the wind knocked out of him, his eyes trail over her capturing every detail to recall later. He admires her delicate curves wrapped in a form fitting deep blue sequinned mini dress, so dark it almost looks black until it catches the light and a blue hue shimmers, just like when the moon hits the sea on a clear night. He immediately wishes he could trail his hands along the flimsy spaghetti straps falling gently over her shoulders, crossing over her back revealing the barely-there rear of the dress.

As she confidently flicks her golden blonde hair it smoothly drips over her shoulders like honey, long soft curls bouncing just below her breasts. Her sweeping fringe ever so slightly obscuring her intoxicating blue eyes which sparkle back at him full of conviction.

The whole look gives her an air of unfaltering confidence which he's never seen on her before. This may be the most turned on he's ever been from just looking at her, so much so that his hands seek refuge in his pockets, untrusted not to grab her at the first opportunity.

"Wow, you look incredible!" He throws her a mischievous smile and continues, "If I'd known you'd look this good I wouldn't have been so eager for you to have the night off!"

Noticing the fire in his eyes, she feels conflicted as she allows herself to imagine what might happen if she were to stay at home tonight. The air crackles between them as they hold each other's gaze a little longer than they should.

"Thank you, I'd forgotten how much I like dressing up and looking good!"

The fire in his eyes extinguishes and leaves behind warm sincerity, a small smile crosses his lips as he finally builds the courage to move closer.

"You always look good. I'm particularly fond of your jeans and t-shirt look, but yes, this look..."

Unable to finish, the fire returns to his eyes as they're drawn down to her legs which seem to go on for days, the delicate sequinned dress barely falling past her upper thighs. The intensity of his gaze thrills her.

Taking as much strength as it would to pull two magnets apart, she finally steps away to grab her purse. Ever the gentleman, Sam picks up her jacket holding it out for her. Unable to resist, he takes the opportunity to lean into the crook of her neck, inhaling her scent. She smells like a breath of fresh summer air, flowers and sweetness dancing in the breeze.

Her spine tingles as his lips graze her neck and his fingers gently fondling soft tendrils of her hair to move them out of the way. His whispered words make the hairs on her skin stand to attention.

"God, I wish you were mine tonight, you don't know what you're doing to me."

The indignant ring of the penthouse intercom breaks the spell they find themselves in and she begrudgingly steps away exhaling shakily.

"That'll be my cab."

He watches her sashay over to the elevator, the sway of her hips captivating him once again. Slowly she turns to face him, winking wickedly as the doors are almost closed.

"Don't wait up."

TAG list: @shewillreadyou @txemrn @silma-words @thefrenchiemama @secretaryunpaid @sfb123

- BONUS-

Messages between Katie and Jenny while Katie prepares dinner for the boys.

[sierraraeck]

Cleansing (Pt.2)

Spencer x OC Aundreya

Masterlist | Series Masterlist

If you are triggered by talk of sexual abuse and have not read how I have set up this fic, please do so. You can still read it without that content, just click here.

(This is my gif so please give credit if used)

Summary: Spencer needs help dealing with his dealer. Both of them are required to take two weeks off and they decide to spend those two weeks together. Things get hot and messy and emotional. There’s a lot going on. Story nine.

Category: Some angst, some fluff, some steam, some smut.

Warnings: Cussing. Drugs. Mentions of drug abuse. Shots fired. Discussion of prior sexual abuse. Oral (both receiving), penetrative (unprotected), fingering, creampie.

Word Count: 8.6k

A/N: This is my first time writing smut. Forgive me if it’s bad and I’d love to hear your feedback. Also, I know injuries don’t heal that fast but we are just going to ignore it. Big thanks to @definitelynotkatesblog for reading over and helping me with the smut section, I really appreciate it.

Side note: Somewhere in here I hit 50k words of fanfic.

“Let the two weeks commence,” I said, pressing play on the season premiere of ‘Sherlock’. I’d made the executive decision that we were going to stay inside as much as possible, and we were going to binge watch shows and have movie marathons. He made the executive decision that we were going to start with ‘Sherlock’.

I had practically moved into his apartment, my things stuffed into the corner underneath the tv. I brought everything I needed, plus an entire suitcase worth of new books for him to read since he wasn’t supposed to be doing much. The only reason anyone left his apartment was for me to go pick up food, or something else from my place that I decided we needed. I made sure to keep all of the walkways clear, and I watched him like a hawk every time he decided to move. Most of the time I scolded him and got whatever it was for him, but things like the bathroom and showering, those got more complicated.

He insisted that I go home and sleep at my place, but I was content on his couch. At night, things were the worst. It’s like I could feel his restlessness. He eventually fell asleep, but at around 2am every night, he was waking up from whatever terrifying dream decided to haunt him. I would go into his room and sit with him for a while, sometimes reading to him (he complained he felt childish but I knew he secretly liked it), and then, out of fear I would hurt him laying next to him and wouldn’t be close enough to him from the couch, I slept on the floor. Which he scolded me for every morning. But I didn’t mind. I’d slept on worse. I created a pillow fortress around the whole bed just in case he rolled off, which he informed me was ridiculous and he’d never done in his life, but I told him you can never be too sure.

Then there was that deal about the drugs.

We were both getting clean, and considering he was addicted to pain meds, he couldn’t take any pain meds. We had made a deal that every time one of us left the other’s sight, when they came back, we’d check them for drug use. I checked him for an injection site and he checked me for signs of power, and any other symptoms that were associated with the other’s drug. I felt my heart pull a little every time I looked over at him and saw him in that brace. I could tell he was trying so hard to keep it together, but the pain was getting to him.

“It’s okay, you know,” I told him.

“What?”

“To cry.”

“What are you talking about?” he said through a grimace.

“Or maybe scream, if that’s more your thing.” He looked at me expectantly, so I explained, “Besides the morning and the night, the pain is the worst at around four. It’s four right now. I know it’s not pleasant over there, and I’m just reminding you that it’s okay to let go.”

“You’ve been paying attention to when I’m in the most pain?”

“What else am I going to pay attention to?”

“The tv.”

“The tv is not nearly as interesting as you.”

“So my pain is interesting to you?” he said, raising his eyebrows.

“You know that’s not what I meant. But if you must know, your general health and well-being is definitely a point of interest to me,” I fired back. He gave me a small smile.

I left to go to the bathroom, and when I came back, he checked me. It had been a few days (I honestly stopped keeping track) and I decided I’d keep things interesting.

I took off my sweatshirt and turned the pockets inside out. “As you can see, there are no drugs in here.” He nodded, seeming slightly confused as to why I needed to take my sweatshirt completely off to prove that. Next, I stripped off my sweatpants, leaving me in my bra and underwear. I turned those pockets inside out as well and repeated, “There are no drugs in here, either.”

His eyes seemed conflicted, flicking between my empty pockets, the tv, and my much-on-display body. I did a slow turn, and as I did, I drew attention to my lower half, explaining that I didn’t have any drugs stuffed in my panites.

When I turned back around to face him, I caught his eyes lingering on the delicate lace that shielded the last of myself from him. He looked up into my eyes, realizing I’d noticed him staring, and quickly shifted his gaze back to the tv. I put my sweatshirt back on, but in return removed my bra using the classic locker room trick. I held it up like it was an exhibit at a museum, ready for him to examine. “And finally, there are no drugs in here either.”

He followed the sight of my bra falling from my fingers all the way down to the floor, landing right next to my forgotten sweatpants. I strutted back over to the couch and sat down next to him, letting the knowledge that I was half as clothed as before set in. I pretended to turn my attention back to the tv, but I kept an eye on his reaction out of my peripheral. I had definitely accomplished my goal of distracting him from the pain.

I continued to tease him the next couple of days, getting a bit more bold as time went on, like making sure to ‘thoroughly check all of the alternative spots’ that one could inject themselves in besides the arm. The bolder I got, the more he slightly squirmed under my touch, even biting his lip once and having a shudder run through his body. I had to compose myself until I turned away, not wanting him to know how much pleasure I got from seeing how much of an effect I had on him.

After I had teased him for a few days, I decided I’d just toss a delicious idea I’d dreamt of out there and see what happened.

“So, today you get to test out ‘taking it easy’ without the brace on, huh?” I asked.

“Yep,” he responded.

“How’s the pain?”

“It’s better than it was a week and a half ago. I’m lucky that it was only a super minor fracture, and because I have been following all of the rules so strictly,” he cleared his throat and gave me a pointed look, “it is healing as fast as possible.”

“That is fantastic news. What do you plan on doing first as an unbraced man?”

“I don’t know, actually.”

“May I suggest a shower? The warm water will feel amazing,” I suggested.

“Yeah, that’s a good idea,” he turned to head toward the bathroom.

I took a giddy deep breath, but tried to sound innocent when I asked, “Would you like any help?”

“Help with what?” He took a couple paces backwards so he could look at me.

“Just help. I’d hate for you to slip in the shower your first day out of the brace and not have anyone around to catch you…” I trailed off. His eyes got really wide and his demeanor changed to one of nervousness. Or was that excitement? I couldn’t quite tell.

He gulped but followed matter-of-factly with, “That is a good point...”

Was that a yes? What does that mean? Dammit that was a clever response.

Spencer walked back into the bathroom and turned on the water. I sat there, replaying his response over and over in my head trying to figure out what I should do.

It wasn’t long before I got my answer when he peeked his head out of the door and asked, “Well, are you going to come help me or not?”

Fuck yeah I’m going to help.

“Of course I am. I’m right behind you,” I said, already halfway to the bathroom. I stripped off my t-shirt and underwear (I sported only those two garments nowadays) and stepped into the bathroom. The room felt amazing, like being hugged with a warm blanket, the mirror already steamed over. Spencer was already in the shower. I took one deep breath and stepped around the curtain.

He was so perfect. He was facing the water and I watched the droplets collect on his back, then traced them as they ran all the way down it. I was still looking down when he turned around to face me. I was about to do a double take, shocked by his size, but he put a finger under my chin and lifted it up, forcing me to peel my eyes away and look into his own.

“Hi,” he said in a soft tone.

“Hi,” I replied. I felt frozen in place, drowning in his warm gaze, our only point of contact being just his finger under my chin. I wanted so badly to change that, but I had to remind myself to be gentle. Speaking of, I moved my eyes down his lips, his jaw, his neck, his chest, until I reached the scar on his right side. I slowly lifted my left hand and placed it just under the stitches they'd removed the day before. He shuddered just a little, and I quickly retracted my hand, worried I’d hurt him.

“I’m so sorry-”

“No. It’s okay,” he assured. He reached down and engulfed my hand in his, delicately placing it back on his body, right over the scar. “I trust you.”

I was so thankful that the water was running, otherwise he would have seen the small teardrops that fell from my eyes. I’d never heard more beautiful words come out of a more beautiful mouth, and those three meant the world to me.

“I would never hurt you,” I whispered.

He nodded. “I know.”

It was too much to hope that he’d missed my tears, because he cupped my face and gently swiped at the extra moisture collecting on my cheeks. “What’s wrong?”

“It’s just that … It’s just that I’ve never had anyone trust me the way you do,” I murmured.

How come I couldn’t go just one moment where I was supposed to be taking care of him and not have it turn into him comforting me?

I lightly danced my fingertips over his scar, and he found one of his own to trace his fingers over. I saw him eyeing it the other day, so it didn’t surprise me that out of all the scars on my body, this was the one he chose. It was one deep line that went right between my breasts. He leaned over and planted a single kiss right in the middle, sending a shudder down my spine. I sharply inhaled, and he ghosted his lips over me until they reached my own. I was captivated by how soft they were, how delicate he was being with me, as if I was the one who’d just been shot. He left me wanting more as he pulled away, but there were other things I had my heart set on helping him with.

For some reason, hair had always been one of the most attractive features to me. Spencer’s hair was like no others’, and I loved getting to thread my fingers through it whenever I could. I couldn’t resist reaching for his shampoo and globbing some on my hands.

“That’s too-”

“Shh,” I said. I had to reach up to get to his hair, but my hands moved with a mind of their own once they got going. I slowly watched more and more bubbles form in his hair as I massaged my hands around his head. He reached his own up, placing them on top of mine to aid in the process, causing me to giggle at the feeling. He removed my hands and I went to get my own shampoo, but I couldn’t help staring at the picturesque sight of him leaning his head back, closing his eyes, and letting the water rid his hair of the suds. I saw his Adam's apple bob when he swallowed, and couldn’t tear my eyes from his hands, methodically pushing his hair back from his face.

When he opened his eyes again, he almost smirked at the sight of me watching him. He put his hands on my shoulders, and turned me around so that I could no longer see him. He grabbed the loofah I left in there, added some body wash, and deliberately moved it in circular motions on my back. I felt him pause momentarily, probably studying the tattoo on my shoulder blade, but quickly continued. He switched places with me once he thought I was sufficiently scrubbed.

I felt the water beat down on my back as he wrapped his arms around me. I returned the embrace, both of our breathing hiccuping when his length rubbed against my folds. Neither of us dared to move, not sure if the other was willing to go farther. I put my head down on his chest, my lips leaving an open mouthed kiss on his collarbone in doing so. He rested his head down on top of mine, and we stood there in that embrace for what could have easily been forever. I got up on my tiptoes, forgetting that we were in a delicate situation, having to press my lips together before I reached his ear and whispered, “Let’s get you dried off.”

He reached around me to turn off the water and stepped out. I followed, grabbing the towel off the rack and looping it around him. I wrapped my own towel around me as Spencer turned to face me, stealing one more glance downwards before he could cover himself. We finished getting ready in silence, occasionally glancing over at the other.

We spent the rest of the night like that, hardly bothering to make small talk. Instead of watching tv, we decided we’d read prior to going to bed.

I don’t know about Spencer, but I couldn’t make it through a single page without having my mind drift back to him. I knew what I wanted, but my desire was strong enough to cloud my judgement, no longer allowing me to read him properly. I didn’t know exactly what he wanted, so I just sat there fantasizing about the shower and other fun places.

Finally, I’d had enough, getting out of the chair I was sitting in and moving toward the couch where Spencer was, leaving my book behind.

“How’s your book?” I asked.

“It’s good. How about yours?” he replied, not even looking away.

I ignored his question. “Is it descriptive?”

“Yes.” He looked up at me with slight confusion.

“That’s good. Being descriptive is a very good thing,” I said. I swung my leg over him, lowering myself down onto his lap.

He closed his book and put it on the end table next to us. There was a small question in his reply, “It is.”

“Do you think you could describe something to me?” I asked. I ran my hands down his clothed chest, toying with the waistband of his pajama pants. He swallowed, but didn’t protest.

“And what’s that?”

I smiled up at him as I started to slide his pants off him. “Is this okay?”

He only nodded in response, his eyes locked on my face. I pulled the remaining bit of underwear off, indulging in the growing erection I found underneath. I lightly stroked one finger down his length, tracing a protruding vein. He inhaled sharply, closing his eyes.

When I reached the base, I completely grasped him with one hand, pumping it up and down his shaft at an agonizingly slow pace.

“Describe this to me,” I said in a sultry whisper. His eyes flew open, telling me he didn’t think that was going to be possible. I put my other hand at the back of his neck and quickly swept him into a kiss. When I pulled away I added, “Just do your best.”

Besides the fact that I loved hearing his angelic voice, I wanted to give him a wide open, no shame invitation to express how he was feeling. I knew how awful it was to be in a situation where you felt like you couldn’t speak freely or tell someone what you wanted. This way, I could make sure he was comfortable with what I was doing and I could turn it into a little game where I could tease the hell outta him.

He nodded, face slightly pinched. “It’s, uh, good. Kind of slow.”

“Aw, you can do better than that,” I said playfully, “Tell it to me like you are reading it out of a detailed novel.”

I picked up the pace slightly for added encouragement.

“Um, you picked up the pace, but it was still too slow for my liking,” he gave me a questioning look and I gave him a single nod in approval. I started making zig-zag lines with my other hand that was previously on his neck, moving it slowly down his chest. His voice was strained but velvety when continuing, “You’re teasing me, which is fine for now, but I’m hoping that will change soon.”

I gave him a sly smile, finishing the path my other hand had been taking, reaching its destination onto his shaft, allowing it to help please him. “Keep going.”

“I’m inhaling, trying to focus really hard on forming coherent sentences,” he said, breathing starting to labor. I applied a bit more pressure. “I’ve decided to kiss you, needing something more to do with my lips than just talk.” He leaned toward me and kissed me, gasping as he did because I finally increased my pace to one that might be considered reasonable.

“Fuck,” he breathed.

“Ooh, that’s not part of the narrative,” I commented, my voice heavy with mischief, slowing back down.

“It is now,” he said through clenched teeth, giving me a look that begged me to speed back up. I had to smirk at his irises being swallowed up by the darkness expanding from his pupils. “You slowed down again, but I knew you would speed back up.”

I did as he said, watching his face in amusement as he started forming an idea.

“You kiss me,” and I did, “and you tug just a bit harder.”

Again, I followed his directions, allowing him to take some control back as long as he could continue giving them. Spencer smiled slightly to himself, finally picking up on how this little game of mine worked.

“I’m going to help you out of your shirt, then follow with my own,” he said. His nimble fingers brushed up under my shirt, the cold of his palms sending goosebumps up my warm sides. I put my arms up and he slipped the fabric easily over my head, leaving the piercing air to swarm my exposed body. Soon we were both topless and his gaze swept over my breasts. I could tell he was getting more excited as he continued on, but I decided I wanted some control back.

I pressed my lips to the base of his jaw as he pulled me flush against him, putting his own on the side of my neck. My hands resumed their previous position as I left a trail of small kisses along his jawline, in between them whispering, “Just keep focusing on those pretty sentences of yours.”

As I moved farther down his neck, he tilted his head back, allowing me more access. I kissed down the column of his throat, then his chest, planting one after the other, slightly sucking at each point. I paused to barely brush my lips against his scar before removing myself from his lap altogether, taking my hands along with me.

“For some reason you pulled away from me, but I want more. I want a lot more,” he said, staring into my eyes trying to read my ulterior motives. They became blatantly obvious when I sunk down to my knees. I pulled the rest of his clothes completely off him, tossing them to the side, Spencer walking me through it the whole way.

I looked up at him and flashed him a smile, saying, “Now, I don’t need you to be completely coherent for this, but I do want to hear how you are feeling, so don’t hold back any of the words, or sounds, that come to mind.”

I leaned over and just barely brushed my lips against his tip. Again, I purposely started out at a tantalizing pace, slowly taking him in inch by inch. I strained to keep my eyes on his, wanting to watch him writhe and unfold. He leaned his head back against the couch as his eyes fluttered shut.

I pulled off of him. “I just have one more request.”

“Anything,” he said in a haste, hardly waiting for me to finish my sentence. I had to smile at how eager he was to have me continue.

“I want you to look at me. I want to see your eyes all the way up until you can’t stand it anymore. I want to watch you fall over the edge,” I said.

He nodded. “Okay.”

I resumed my slow pace, hands on his thighs, only allowing myself to use my mouth for now. I swirled my tongue around him as best I could, eventually just opting to trace it along one of his veins, applying extra pressure there. I finally reached the bottom, holding all of him in my mouth. Only then did I pick up the pace. His hands flew into my hair and he let out a low groan. The deep pitch of it was unexpected coming from him, and it sparked a flame inside my chest that spread throughout my whole body.

I hummed against him, only dragging out his groan. I allowed my hands to work whatever I couldn’t comfortably fit in my mouth at this pace. I started sucking harder, his member not too far behind me, as he let a string of curses roll off his tongue. I let him fall from me with a satisfying pop, giving him only a moment of reprieve before I pushed him over the edge. His mouth was hanging open and I caught his tongue in a messy kiss before returning my attention back to his cock.

He quickly caught me before I took him back in. “Don’t. If you do that I’m going to-”

“I know,” I assured slyly, “I know exactly what I’m doing.”

I hesitated only for a moment, waiting to see if any more protests were headed my way. When I received none, I traced my tongue all the way down and back. I started intensely sucking at his tip when I had to remind him, “Remember, I want your eyes right here all the way until the last second.”

I took all of him back into my mouth, hollowing out my cheeks as I went. I was pumping up and down him as fast as I could, my hands following suit.

“Fuck, Aundreya,” he barely got out before I felt him pulse, being overpowered by the moan that followed. He was such a vision, letting all control go, spilling into my throat. I did my best to remember the taste before quickly swallowing, turning my attention to his face. As if he could get any prettier. His head was lulling back, mouth agape and eyes screwed shut in pure ecstasy. I waited for his eyes to flutter back open and look at me before I slowly freed him from my mouth.

I stood up, drinking in every detail of his naked body sitting there in front of me. If he was the last thing I ever saw, I would die happy.

I turned around so that when I bent over, slipping my panties down my legs, he’d have a perfect view of my ass. I stepped out of them and tossed them his direction. It was my way of warning him about the pool collecting at my core, knowing he’d feel how wet they already were. He dropped them on the ground next to the rest of our neglected clothes, and I extended my hand out to him. He gladly accepted and I led him back to his bedroom.

I quickly went to shut the blinds and when I turned around, Spencer was right there. He lightly pinned me up against the wall with his already clammy hands on my shoulders. There had always been something about his salacious hands that made me excited, the way his large palms and long, thin fingers could completely control me, but didn't. How he could manhandle me but he respected me enough not to. Not like I’d particularly protest if he decided he wanted to.

He gave me a brief kiss before enveloping one of my breasts in his hand, the other in his mouth. He rolled his tongue over my hardened nipple and I arched my back toward him away from the cool wall, letting out a gasp. I was already quivering under his touch by the time he ran a finger through my folds. I must have been extra sensitive since I hadn’t had any intimate contact with anyone in almost five years.

I let out a shaky breath, and he released me from the wall, only to turn right back around and hold me down on the bed. I relinquished any control I might’ve once had in this situation, giving it all to him. He placed his hands on my inner thighs and lightly spread them apart. He took a moment to admire the pool waiting for him. He left open mouthed kisses along my inner thighs, getting dangerously close to where I really needed him. A small whimper left my throat. I wanted to be embarrassed about how sensitive I was and how easily he was unraveling me, but I couldn’t. The blissful feeling I got from every contact point radiated through my body, easily overcoming any embarrassment I could muster.

“Could I make you form coherent sentences right now?” he asked with a smug smile, knowing damn well what the answer was.

“Definitely not,” I breathed and he chuckled. He gave me a chaste kiss, immediately contrasted by running his tongue over my clit, licking up the excess moisture on the way. I involuntarily lifted my hips up, but he placed an arm over them, holding them down. He expertly sucked at my nerves, causing me to press my lips together and cling to the bedsheets for dear life. Then he abruptly stopped.

“That’s not fair. You wanted to hear everything I had to offer, and now it’s your turn. I don’t want to see you press your lips together again,” he purred, quietly but sternly. I nodded, unwilling to hear how pathetic my voice would have sounded had I responded.

He went right back to what he was doing, lapping over me a bit faster than before. I let another whimper escape me and he mumbled, “There. That’s more like it.”

Right after he’d finished talking, his tongue plunged into me. My hands moved, needing to touch him, one landing in his hair, the other on his cheek. His hands kept me from bucking my hips toward him like I wanted, so I settled for lightly tugging at his roots. This only encouraged him. He replaced his tongue with two fingers and my breathing hitched. His pace was excruciatingly slow, which I guess I deserved. My breathing became labored and the moment he picked up the pace, curling his fingers inside me, I emptied my lungs, a high pitched moan ripping through my torso. I was already so close to the edge and he wasn’t letting up. He must’ve been returning the favor from earlier.

“Spencer-” before I could get anything else out, he removed his fingers and held them up to my face. I took them in my mouth, ridding each one of my fluids. Just as quickly as they came, they left, pushing back into me. My hands moved under his jaw where he was adding extra friction, attempting to pull him away from me. He wasn’t about to let that happen, so he took each one of my hands in one of his and pinned them on either side of me, simultaneously allowing him to press down my legs with his arms. His tongue persisted on its way to finishing me, and I interlaced my fingers with his right as I came undone.

“Fuck! Oh my god, Spencer, fuck,” I spoke through moans. I hadn’t experienced anything like that, anything that strong before, and I felt my eyes roll into the back of my head. How would I survive him fully inside me? I desperately wanted to find out. He finally came up for air after placing one last delicate kiss on my clit. He crawled up the bed so he was looming over me, perfectly positioned at my entrance. I hooked my hand around his neck and pulled him down to me. I put my other hand right on his scar, asking, “How does this feel?”

“If I’m being honest, I completely forgot about it.”

I smiled knowing that I was making for a great distraction. “Good. Let’s keep it that way for a while.”

He nodded in agreement and reached over my head to a drawer. He pulled out a small package but I stopped him before he tore it open.

“We don’t have to,” I said.

He stopped quickly and looked at me, puzzled. “We don’t have to use one if you don’t want to.”

“Are you sure?”

“Positive. I’m covered,” I said. I’d been on birth control since I was fourteen, and once I joined the gang, they did everything in their power to make sure that none of their ‘special ladies’ ever got pregnant. I knew that there was absolutely no chance of that now, so there was really no reason to use one.

The remains of a question lingered on his face, but he placed it back in his drawer. We didn’t have to get into that right now.

He leaned back slightly to line himself up, then he slowly pushed into me, my only warning being the look he gave me right before. I gasped as he filled me to the hilt. He slowly rocked into me, letting me adjust. I circled my hips under him finding the best position as he rested his head in the crook of my neck. I could feel his hot breath in time with his shallow thrusts.

⚠️ Warning: below this is where the sexual abuse content starts

That’s when the flashbacks hit me.

We weren’t in Spencer’s room anymore, not even in his apartment. The walls morphed into those of concrete slightly stained with water, the rhythmic sound of droplets dripping into a puddle behind me. It was dark and cold, and I could feel the springs of the dirty mattress moving beneath me, the musty air blanketing the room. I went to find comfort in Spencer but he wasn’t there anymore. The body looming over me, pushing into me, breathing down my neck was not Spencer. Instead, I found a man with an all too familiar buzz cut, tattoos littering his neck, and those chilling grey eyes that matched the unforgiving scenery surrounding us. I started to panic. It was this man who’d drugged me and tossed me around to his friends before using me, who’d held me down and choked me into submission, and who left me bloody, bruised, and broken.

My breathing became shallow, vision blurring, and my heart rate rapidly increased.

“Stop,” I could barely hear myself, but Spencer got the message.

He quickly pulled out and was sitting on his knees, looking me over. “What? Are you okay, did I hurt you?”

He sounded alarmed, but I shook my head. “No, no. You were perfect. I just … I just had a moment.”

“A moment?” he asked, timid.

“A flashback,” I explained. Realization spread through his glorious features and he started to back away from me. “No, it’s okay,” I grabbed him before he could move any farther away from me, terrified that if he left me I would shatter, pulling him into a hug. I could feel the heat between us and the meager sweat that was clinging to our bodies. My breathing was still unsteady as I shook the images from my head. I breathed him in, the sweet smell of autumn and cinnamon reminding me that it was just Spencer.

He tentatively put his hands around me, returning the hug. He repeated in my ear, “You’re safe. I’ve got you. It’s just me. You’re safe.”

I nodded into his shoulder. I felt ashamed and overexposed, wanting to pull the sheets around me, but I was too paralyzed to even move. I didn’t want to make things worse and I certainly didn’t want to scare Spencer away, assuming I hadn’t already done that. I couldn’t bring myself to actually look at him, knowing the worry in his eyes would only fuel the guilt that threatened to drown me.

How many more moments with Spencer would be ruined? Why couldn’t I just leave my past behind and move on?

I reminded myself that what happened wasn’t my fault, but every time the memories were triggered, that’s how I felt.

I slowed my breathing until I had it under control. “Thank you. I’m so sorry.”

Spencer pulled away but only slightly so that he had a better view of my face. He looked astonished. “You have absolutely nothing to apologize for.”

“I know, it’s just that I want this, I want you, and of course my problems have to get in the way.”

“Don’t say that,” he said as I sat up a little, letting him cradle me in his arms. “We can take it slow.”

“I know, but I’m tired of taking it slow. I’m tired of not going after what I want because I’m scared. I'm tired of letting this get in the way,” I said, forcing myself to bite back the tears. He looked at me with as much sympathy as he could.

“What do you want me to do?” he whispered, concern swimming in his eyes.

I sat completely up and kissed him, letting my hands roam his body. He stayed perfectly still, careful not to do anything that would upset me. Without pulling away from the kiss, I gripped his hands from behind my back and placed them on my hips. He kept them there, unmoving, as my hands went to cup his face. I relocated my lips, planting a kiss on each of his sharp cheekbones.

“Close your eyes,” I told him, placing a gentle kiss on top of each eyelid. I pressed my forehead to his, letting our noses slightly rub against each other’s. “I want you.”

Spencer opened his eyes, looking right through me, making sure that this was what was truly going through my mind. He moved his hands from my hips, putting one on my lower back and the other behind my neck. He carefully laid me back down on his bed, moving back in between my legs. I wrapped them around his body trying to show him that it was okay, but I knew him better than that and he’d still be hesitant. Because he was nothing like those men.

I looked him straight in the eyes as I whispered, “I’m alright. I trust you.”

It was his turn to be on the teary-eyed end of this conversation. I brushed away his tears before they could fall and he promised me, “I would never hurt you.”

“I know.”

For the second time that day, he bent over and kissed the scar between my breasts. He looked up at me, eyes still glistening. “You are so strong.”

I didn’t feel strong and I wanted to break down, melt into nothing in his arms, but I forced myself to stay composed. I knew it was too much to ask of him but if there was one person on this planet that I could get over his hurdle with, it was Spencer Reid.

He looked at me expectantly. I took a deep breath and said, “I’m ready.”

Slowly, even slower than before if that was possible, he pushed back into me. My head swam from the overwhelming mixture of emotions.

He gauged my reaction, and after a few moments, decided to start moving a little faster. “Is this okay?”

“Yes,” I said. “I want you to take control.”

He was about to ask me something, probably if I was sure, but he thought better of it. “Please just tell me if you need me to stop. I don’t want you to push yourself past what you’re ready for.”

“I won’t. I’ll tell you if it gets to that,” I replied.

Soon enough, he started getting faster and faster, continually checking if I was okay. I wanted him to stop worrying about me, which I knew was impossible, but put my hands in his hair and pulled him down to my chest anyway. I took away his option of looking at me, and tugged at his beautiful, chaotic, wavy locks when he hit that spot just right. In doing so, I gave myself greater access to his neck and I took full advantage, biting and sucking at various spots. I could feel him every time he thrust into me and I moved to start lightly biting at his traps, trying to stifle my moans against his skin. He kept pushing deeper and deeper into me, and I scraped my nails all the way down his back. He grunted slightly at the stinging I was sure followed, but I was too busy paying attention to the fingers that were now circling my clit. I was close to my second orgasm, but I held out, wanting to wait for Spencer. In my efforts, I had to put my head back on the pillow, looking almost directly behind me. My nails found anything they could sink into, surly leaving marks down his sides and biceps. My breath quickened as my legs started to tremble. I licked my lips and bit my bottom one, trying to hold out for any sign that he would be right behind me. His thrusts finally became sloppy and he looked down at me, seeming to know that I was waiting for him.

“Let go,” he said, the sound of his voice the missing piece I’d been waiting for. My walls clenched around him and he emptied himself, our fluids mixing together inside me. My moans were on the brink of screams as he helped us both ride out the orgasms that washed over us. Once we had both returned to earth, he just stayed hovering over me, not making a move to pull out. I just looked up at his glowing figure, letting out a sigh of relief.

“What’s that for?” His tone was gentle.

“It’s just that you are the first person I have ever actually wanted to have sex with,” I said, the realization also hitting me.

His eyes got huge and he seemed astounded. “What?”

“Yeah,” I said, giving him a shy smile. “And you helped me through one of the biggest hurdles I have ever experienced.”

He mirrored my smile pulling out, and walked to his bathroom to get a towel. The same towel I’d dried off with earlier that day. Had it really only been this morning that I was showering with him?

He spread my legs again, wiping our mess off of me. When he was done, he just dropped the towel on the floor, mumbling something about picking it up in the morning, and came to lay down next to me. He rolled onto his side to face me and winced.

“Oh yeah. How is it?”

“Fine,” he said, struggling onto his back again.

“Wrong.”

“It is fine. I just can’t lay on that side of my body.”

Without another word, I got up from my side of the bed and walked around to his side. I laid down facing him, giving him the opportunity to roll onto his good side.

“Thank you.”

“Mhm,” I replied. I gazed at him dreamily, still not fully able to comprehend what had just happened.

“I’m surprised you didn’t want control,” he whispered after a while of silence.

“I don’t want control. I’m sick of being in control. I just want to let go. I want to not have to worry about the walls I’ve put up, knowing that there is someone I trust, someone other than myself, taking care of me for the moment. I mean, sometimes I don’t even think I’m doing a good job taking care of me,” I complained, and he nodded in understanding. “I know you’re the opposite.”

“What do you mean?”

“I just mean that you like being in control. I can tell that sometimes you feel like things in your life are just slipping away from you, and this is a place where you can try to counter that feeling.”

He just nodded, seeming almost embarrassed by that, but it was nothing to be ashamed of. We laid side by side just facing each other, Spencer’s hand tracing the curves of my body. He eventually broke pattern and traced along my collarbone and down to the scar he seemed to have a slight fascination with.

“It commemorates the end of an era for me. The end of the gang, and the last time I was ever taken advantage of,” I explained.

“You don’t have to tell me this if you don’t want to.”

“No, I want to,” I took a shaky breath in and looked into his soft eyes. He knew in a general sense some of the things I’d been through, and he knew more than anyone else in my life, but I’d never told him in detail what happened. Actually, I’d never told anyone. This was something I kept closed up in the depths of my mind, but he’d already seen some of it, and I trusted him to see all of it. It might be nice, too, to not have to deal with everything alone for once. I rubbed my thumb into my palm as I started, “There was a group of men in the gang that targeted me, probably because I was young and naive. I didn’t know how gangs worked. The only thing I knew was that if you wanted to survive, you had to get to the top. The head of this clique was the right hand to Rafael, the leader of the entire gang, so angering him, refusing him, wasn’t an option. They were a messed up sort of protection system. They would come to my rescue out on the streets, only to turn back around and make me pay for it. They had me believing that I had no way out, that I would die without their protection. Plus, Rafael trusted this man with his life, so him and his buddies weren’t going anywhere. And neither was I. I had nowhere to go, so I did nothing. It’s not like Rafael was going to listen to me over him anyway. So when he passed me around to all of his friends like I was nothing more than a blunt, I didn’t fight them. I couldn’t. All fighting did was get me beat beforehand, and I figured that it was bad enough without their fists involved. After that, they would drug me and force me to …” I choked on the words and decided I’d skip over that part. I didn’t want to paint that image into his perfect memory and have him think of it every time he saw me. “Once things started going awry for the gang and we all knew we were going under soon, he and his friends got more frustrated which meant they needed an outlet more than ever. But because things were going to be over soon, I started fighting back harder than I ever had. On the night before the gang officially crumbled, he gave me this. He told me that I wasn’t going to be able to escape the sinking ship this time. I’d made it out of so many near-death experiences at that point, the Storefront Slaughterer, the house fire, gang conflicts, police conflicts, and imprisonment, unscathed, that he thought this would finally be the hill I died on. He sliced me open like the animals he hunted, hoping that I’d bleed out. For a while, this ruined me, everyday waking up and remembering everything that was associated with it,” I admitted. It made me feel like other men, good men like Spencer, would look at me and see that I was weak and broken, driving them away. He put it right in the center, which felt like he was destroying the center of my soul, draining the love straight out of my heart. “Sometimes it still does that, but I'm trying to get better. Every time I see it now, I remind myself that I survived,” I pressed his hand flat to my chest, allowing him to feel the rhythmic beating below, “that I do have a heart pumping blood through my veins, that I am only human, and that I am stronger because of it.”

He leaned in to kiss me and I faded into him, our hands still pressed against my bare chest. I was thankful he didn’t say anything, instead pulling me to him, beginning to fuse my broken pieces back together as he did so. He left a pile of moppy brown curls in my face and I reached my free hand up to play with the loose ones on the edges, not willing to risk losing the warmth of his hand on my chest by moving mine. I shifted onto my back and Spencer barely opened his eyes, wondering what I was doing. I guided his head onto my shoulder as he curled into me, both of us quickly falling asleep after the emotionally draining day.

End of the sexual abuse section. All other warnings still apply

# # # # # # # # # # # # #

I woke up to find that neither of us changed position throughout the night, sleeping soundly with our hands still stacked over my heart. I moved my other hand from his hair, brushing my fingertips over his back, over his side, over his hip bone, ending with my hand resting on his lower stomach. We had both slept nude, the sheets a disaster around us. I didn’t even notice he was awake until I felt his hair streak across my body.

“Good morning,” he said, voice groggy.

“Good morning,” I responded through a yawn.

He sat up and I saw the red marks my nails left on his body. I caressed my fingertips over the sensitive spots and got up on my knees behind him, mumbling into his hair, “I hope I didn’t scrape you up too badly.”

He reached over his shoulders and guided my hands from his back over onto his chest. I crossed them over his body, embracing him from behind.

“No. I like them,” he said way too innocently. I smiled to myself and leaned around him to kiss his temple before I untangled myself from him.

We both got dressed (barely), and operated our day as usual. The mandatory two weeks was coming to a close soon, so we both absorbed as much of this peaceful alternate universe as we could. Hotch was right. We both desperately needed time off.

But there is no better way to end ‘vacation time’ than to be in a panic.

Ever since that night, we both slept together in his bed. I think we both really enjoyed having the safety and comfort of the other around as much as possible.

Sunday night before we were supposed to return to work on Monday, I woke up to an empty bed. I listened to see if I heard Spencer somewhere else in the apartment, and when I didn’t, I got up to check. I went to the bathroom, the kitchen, even his tiny balcony and he was nowhere to be found.

“Spencer?” I called out.

No response.

“Spencer!”

Where the hell is he?

My mind started to work frantically and I looked around for my phone. The adrenaline coursing through me made my hands shake as I dialed his number. I took a couple deep breaths, knowing that he was probably fine and would be back soon.

That thought changed when I heard a faint ringing in the background.

No, no, no, no.

I raced to where I heard the ringing, finding his phone left under a stack of papers on his desk. My mind went to the worst places of what could have happened, what could be happening. I quickly threw on my sweatshirt and slipped on a pair of shoes, and hurried out the door. I wasn’t exactly sure what I was thinking I’d do. It’s not like I could just wander the streets looking for him. I got about halfway down the stairs, practically running Spencer over.

“Aundreya! What are you doing?”

“I could ask you the same question!” I retorted, exasperated.

“I couldn’t sleep and didn’t want to bother you with my restlessness. I just walked down to the street for some fresh air,” he replied. My mind was working 100 miles an hour so I couldn’t gauge how truthful that was.

“What the hell!’” I whacked his arm. “I was worried and you left your phone in the apartment.”

“I’m sorry. I thought I’d be back before you woke up,” he said. He sounded honest enough and I couldn’t think of anything else he’d be doing. Except…

“Show me your arms,” I demanded. He sighed but rolled up his sleeves. I examined his arms and then his eyes, looking for any sign of drug use. I forced him to empty his pockets, making sure he didn’t have any drugs still on him.

“I promise you that I was not taking dilaudid,” he said. I looked straight into his eyes, trying to detect any hint of a lie.

When I found none I said, “Alright. Let’s get back upstairs. We can still try and get another four hours of sleep before we have to wake up again to go to work.”

When we got back to his room, I was still shaking from the adrenaline. Luckily, the release from knowing that nothing had happened made me quite tired. He slipped into bed next to me.

“You know, I really enjoy work and the people we work with, but I have to say these last two weeks with you were amazing,” he murmured.

“I agree. I’m going to miss this,” I replied.

“Mhm.”

“No one can know about this.”

“I know. I don’t want them to.”

I squinted my eyes open. “I know we’d get into trouble, but why wouldn’t you want them to know?”

“I like this space we’ve created. I don’t want anyone else encroaching on it, tainting it. I like having this just be between you and me.”

You and me.

I liked the sound of that.

Taglist (open)

@justanothetfangirl

[themclisseconnection]

Our Yacht is Sailing!

What's going on??? Over the past two years, the Earth got hotter, the plants grew taller, your pets grew up, someone you know got engaged or got married, some of you graduated from school and started a new job or a new business venture, reached a new milestone and some of you also joined a new fandom. How many books have you read? Did you learn how to cook? Did you transfer to an unfamiliar city or traveled to a different country? Were you able to maximize your talents, skills and productivity? Hopefully, yes. Hopefully, you were able to discover more about yourselves, just like McCoy and Elisse.

A ship on a yacht? Is that even possible? With McLisse, it is. A yacht— not too big, not too small, private and romantic. McLisse likes to keep it that way.

The photo reminds us of an unforgettable chapter in a Wattpad novel. It's like a lovely scene from a romantic movie. At first look, it seems too good to be true but once it sinks in, you'll go from "It's too good be true" to "It's so good and it's so true." Its caption gave us all the feels since McCoy used one of the fandom's most treasured words, ALWAYS. "ALL WAYS" added more depth to it. Joy, peace, warmth and security are written all over their faces. The post conveys an extraordinary feeling of freedom, a sense of contentment and infinite bliss.

The recent events, losses, madness in the government (grrrrr!) and the global pandemic somehow became our wake-up call and encouraged us to be more expressive, thoughtful and proactive. The pandemic also taught us to take a good care of ourselves and our loved ones. We only have one life to live so we should stop all our doubts and fears from getting the best of us. We should let happiness in. Right here, right now.

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Mccoy De Leon (@mccoydeleon) on Aug 30, 2020 at 11:12am PDT

Yes. A good news dropped in the middle of a pandemic. It immediately became a symbol of hope for many of us who are slowly being eaten up by skepticism, animosity and hopelessness. We suddenly have a special reminder that things can get better in time. McCoy didn't just post to give a hint that his heart is at peace. He literally shared his joy to us. Every "finally" we encounter in the comment section stresses that they had been holding it in for the longest time.

The comment section is full of good vibes. Their celebrity friends, co-actors, the staffs they've worked with and the bloggers who consistently root for them couldn't help but express their happiness upon seeing the photo. Anyone could tell that they're genuinely happy for McLisse. The crying emojis, red hearts and words "SA WAKAS" and "FINALLY" definitely made a strong statement.

OUR STORY

It's no secret that McCoy had worked on several movie projects with new love interests and he even started a new business venture while Elisse landed as one of the leads in an afternoon TV series. She also got busy with her business.

McLisseians still expressed their support even in their solo projects. Every one clinged to hope and pride was set aside. We wanted them to feel that we are not just here for "kilig." As McLisseians, we knew that a part of us would always root for them even if they already stopped rooting for us. It was painful to hear them talking about us in past tense but we knew back then that deep down in our hearts, our love for them will always be stronger than our ego as shippers. We couldn't lecture them about love. The heart has a mind of its own. We could only check on them from afar and hope that they would be happy with whomever they'd end up with. It even came to a point where we had to let go and let God.

The super loyal, persistent and ever generous McLisseians continued to see the good in every opportunity. We completely understood that every opportunity they received would help them gain more knowledge and experience. Maturity took over. Each one of us learned to focus on the bright side of life with the vision that their new setup would benefit both of them. They would surely come out as better actors in the industry.

McCoy's post got many people saying "Sana all" but to be honest, McLisseians also had our own "Sana all" moments. We had so many what ifs in our list. McLisse's journey as a love team was quite short compared to others. We had to deal with multiple rejections, cancelled guestings/tours and media play during movie promotions. We got to see them acting with different partners and live with the thought that they aren't each other's first on-screen kiss. HEHE AT LEAST, MAY REAL-LIFE KISS. Ch0ur not ch0ur. Every shipper's dream is to collect many firsts and create more memories with his/her ship. Bittersweet, that's how we call it. McLisse had their own record of life-changing firsts but let's not forget that McLisseians had the privilege (Privilege!? Let's think positive. HAHAHAHA) to experience both reel and real pain earlier than the usual. The unimaginable transition and all the intentional shunning also disheartened us at one point. Sana ganito, sana ganyan. Sana maging okay na sila. Sana po mapagbigyan. It was a never-ending struggle of staying positive in the midst of chaos.

Their love team was slowly dissolved. They broke up and eventually got linked to different people. Right there and then, we knew that we had to know our place as shippers. In our hearts, we firmly believed that we could still make a difference.

McLisseians transformed into prayer warriors who fervently prayed for peace and reconciliation every single day. It was hard to see everything falling apart. We had to endure all the sudden changes, disturbing articles and heartbreaking announcements. We lost both reel and real, we had nothing to hold on to except one another, our faith and our belief that one day, they'll be able to face each other again with a smile.

2020. We started the year full of hope and it's safe to say that McLisseians had been waiting for this moment to come. McCoy kept on saying in his past interviews that they wanted to build a strong foundation first before hinting or confirming anything so we had to go along with it. It came naturally. Our GCs were filled with scoops and rumors. Some people had seen them going out again. We were ecstatic but our first instinct was to protect them. Wag mo ipost!!! Bawal! Ang kulit! Eh pero nasa FB na rin eh!?! Admin oh!!! Hayaan na natin sila, low-key muna tayo. 😂

We used to have petty fights over those things. We prayed a lot for things to get better but we never thought that "better" would mean McCoy and Elisse taking a risk and finally choosing each other again. Honestly, we were okay with them being friends after everything that happened but apparently, they're not okay with that. HAHAHAHAHUHU.

We were infuriated by some nasty articles and insensitive people. The world tested our patience. At times, we would think "McLisse, umamin na nga kayo please. Daming mema, mga kuwento na nakakainis at nakakagigil." It was really disappointing how some people took advantage of their situation. They even assumed that the two didn't reconnect at all. We patiently waited for interviews and other venues where they can freely express themselves. Nacancel TWBA dahil sa lockdown!? May interview? May digital presscon? Sana maghint na sila o magbigay kahit konting clue. McLisseians were hopeful at the very least.

(I had to keep all the excitement to myself. I respected their decision to stay in private so I just waited for a concrete proof/a fearless move from either one of them. And McCoy... Grabe. McCoy's post just blew my mind.)

McLisse is friends with every fandom. It's also nice to see other fandom appreciating our loyalty and our efforts. They would often commend us for sticking with McCoy and Elisse even if they had to part ways as on-screen partners. McLisse's recent update has become every fandom's glimmer of hope.

McCoy and Elisse were apart for quite a while. They went out with other people but eventually found their way back to each other. Love is indeed a verb. It's something that you keep on doing. You show up. You fight. You stay. McCoy and Elisse were able to get to know themselves more. They were able to realize the value of each other more than ever. McLisse will have more days together than the days they spent apart. Maaabot na nilang muli ang kanilang mga pangarap nang magkasama. *sobs*

The future isn't as scary as it seems. Optimism has found its way to us. We just know that we trust McCoy and Elisse so much. All the heartaches in the past inspired all of us to be indestructible. Tough times turned our fandom into one of the toughest fandoms out there. Their CHOICE put back all the pieces together. Mareng Kyla's prophecy was too powerful. Love really led them back to us.

McCoy and Elisse will always have each other. (OMGGGGG. IT'S REALLY TRUE,,, I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M WRITING THIS LINE,,, /CRIES IN THE CORNER/)

McLisse will always have us. Always... All ways. ♥️

[abs0luteb4stard]

Firstly, Fred Trump was probably not a great dad.

He was shrewd, racially motivated not to rent his apartments to minorities. Probably a rent hiking slum lord. Etc.

Which factually is the history of their business and is legally documented. They skirted laws to help themselves while holding others back. And got away with it.

But Mocking your own father while he's losing his marbles? The guy who gave you a 'small' loan of a million dollars? The one who saw you as the favorite son?

For a guy like Trump to pretend he's a saint and thinks he's a savior, and sees himself as a living martyr.

And whatever else you think you'd like to tack onto it since being elected. The list is endless.

That's pretty disgusting.

Especially if he plays up being this family man. Being part of the Trump legacy. All that.

You could be racist, bigot, cheating other people, a fucking murderer even, but your own family, specifically your nuclear family. One's that he purports are the reason he's the best, made him who he is - All that!?

If he has a high opinion of his family, and his parents, why would you mock them in their confused and dying years?

So that means EITHER he really doesn't have these good and holy views of his father and mother OR he's a truly awful sociopath. (Or both).

---

I guess I have "Strong beliefs, but they're loosely held". Because I can always change my views. They're not part of my identity.

But for every instance of disproving the consensus that Trump is a madman and an incredible asshole, and stupid incompetent idiot.

I find nothing, not one shred of evidence to support that he's just a misunderstood blowhard. Or some hard businessman who's going to do the unprecedented in helping the citizens of this country live better, more prosperous lives fit the 4 to hopefully not 8 years he's in office.

This is just a defining example of how cruel and disgusting and surface charming he is. The opposite of his portrayal of himself.

Makes me pretty sick.

Trump always had the money to take care of his family or parents in their declining Alzheimer's years. They'd never have to go to a nursing home, to be neglected, he didn't have to be hands on at all with them if he chose. Just send nurses and doctors and caretakers to be with them.

So why mock his father cruelly of the involuntary loss of his mind?

Because Donald Trump thinks he's powerful, and he's mocked those he perceived as weak dozens of times from before he even ran as president.

Ugliest example is when he publicly mocked reporter Serge Kovaleski who suffers from arthrogryposis.

So just imagine what he said or did to his own father outside of the public eye in those years.

He's so religious, I'm sure he's heard of the 10 commandments, or maybe seen the movie?

"Honour thy father and thy mother"

I not nearly as "godly and religious" as Trump pretends to be, but I put a lot of what's left of my extinct faith into that commandant.

[head-and-heart]

T100 is a dark show but I feel Jason is so focused on trying to shook the audience that he's forgetting the biggest strength of this show, the main characters and love. Don't you think so? What's the point to make Jasper's death so dramatic if it's not going to affect his friends at all? and Clarke wanted to save them but she hasn't connected with them since the last interactions of s2. It's a kind of mess imo. I wish they'd start writing consistent relationships and plots about fighting to live

I don’t entirely agree with this, nonny.

I don’t think that Jason has at all forgotten what the heart of the story is and if anything should be an indication of that it should be Praimfaya, of all episodes, one of the two Jason wrote this season. It focused basically exclusively on our delinquents heading to space, and then very briefly on Octavia (also a delinquent, I might add). THAT’S the heart of the show. That relationship among the delinquents, those characters we’ve grown to love? That’s always been the endgame Jason has been striving for season after season.

Which means that they can’t be together all the time. And, yes, they have to go on individual journeys, and struggle, and that’s the point. Because they are stronger together. But our characters can’t be strong all the time, they can’t always be with the people who complete them, who make them a perfect unit.

Why not, you ask? Because if they were always with those people, they would never grow. If they have everything they need, they would never learn to evolve on their own.

It’s the same idea with separating Bellarke so that Bellamy can develop his head-side without Clarke, and Clarke can develop her heart-side without Bellamy. They can’t be interdependent all the time, because the truth of the matter is that in the universe of The 100, there’s never a guarantee that they’ll have that person at their side. People die, they leave (something we’re a little too familiar with in the Bellarke fandom after 2x16 …).

Then what?

Then, our characters grow. On their own. And once they’ve gone through their individual journey, they come together and they kick even more ass than before. 

That’s kind of how it goes every season isn’t it? (With the exception of perhaps Season 1 where the sets and the budget was smaller, and they were introducing all the main characters/plot/relationships so it made sense to keep everyone so shuttered in together for the majority of the season.) Our characters work together for parts of the season, then they split up to go on their individual journeys, and then they come together again in the finale and kick ass as a team.

In Season 2, it started with all our characters separated, working to get to each other. They reunited in the first half of the season, created a battle strategy, and then separated to go through their own character journeys. Bellamy embarked into Mount Weather on his redemption arc to save his friends (simplifying the depth of his arc, obviously, but that’s not the point of this post). Clarke fell into her downward spiral as she took advice from L.exa. Jasper had to learn to become a leader in his own right. Raven struggled to come to terms with her new disability and pain. Octavia started training with Indra as a warrior. Murphy was off on his adventure with Jaha.

… See the trend?

Our heroes were all working together towards a common goal - defeat the Mountain (Murphy excluded) - but they were also struggling within themselves. It makes for interesting TV.

And then what happens in the Season 2 finale? They all end up in Mount Weather, working with and alongside each other using the lessons they’ve learned over the course of the season, in order to save their people.

What were huge themes of Season 2? Finding their family again - lots of reunions. The fight to see their friends/family again, to save them. What happens when you push away the people you love …

Because those themes: found family, love, and the things people will do to keep those things alive … THAT’S the heart of the show. And it hasn’t changed.

Then in Season 3, we spend the first half of the season with everyone isolated and struggling with their inner demons. Clarke struggling to face her people, Bellamy struggling to save them at whatever cost, Raven struggling with her pain, Jasper struggling with his PTSD, Monty struggling with stifling his own trauma while holding up his own family (Hannah and Jasper), Murphy struggling to survive on his own (like always … until Emori comes along), Octavia struggling to find her place in the world (struggling with Lincoln, with Bellamy, with Indra) and NONE of them sharing any of these things (for the most part) with each other.

And, yes, it was dark. And depressing and heavy and disheartening to watch sometimes. But that was the POINT. Season 2 was the descent into hell. 3A was hell itself, and 3B and Season 4 was our heroes rising from the ashes.

And sure enough, our main delinquents reunited in 4x11 and for the last six episodes of the season, it was all about them working together, piecing themselves back together, working towards a common goal as a team. In 3x16, we had Clarke going into the City of Light with Monty and Raven, Harper, etc working from Arkadia to help make it possible while Bellamy and Octavia kept her alive from the outside. It was a group effort. It involved all three elements for them to succeed in defeating ALIE.

What was a huge theme of Season 3? To put it simply, “together”. It was about showing our heroes and how they fall apart when they isolate themselves, and how they are stronger when they come together.

That’s always been the theme of the show, and - contrary to what many believe - the writers didn’t just drop that theme in Season 3. They took a dark approach to it, revealed an extremely grim perspective on the human condition, what happens to us when we fall down and there is no one there to pick us up, and people didn’t like that. But it doesn’t change the fact that the endpoint they were always building up to was our mains working together, stronger than before, in the end of the season.

Same thing in Season 4: they started off working together, they split up for awhile in the middle to embark on their own character arcs, and finally came together in the final few episodes to survive - together.

I think that ever since 3A, people have been stuck in this mindset that - just because they separated our favs from each other - that the writers don’t know what they’re doing. That they’re forgetting their own story, that they don’t realize what their fans want to see.

What I have to say to that is this: you listen to the anti’s too much. That is not the story the writers are telling. It never has been, and anyone who is ACTUALLY convinced that the writers are way up L.exa’s ass haven’t been paying attention. Appearing as a guest star in sixteen episodes does NOT make a show. And if it did, ADC would have been signed on as a regular before FTWD jumped.

I have no doubt Jason is well aware of where the heart of the show is and if anything is an indication of that, it is the finales he has written every single season. Each one consistently focusing on our delinquents working together to save the world. THAT’S the story he is telling. And I feel like a broken record, but I really can’t express this enough.

What’s the point to make Jasper’s death so dramatic if it’s not going to affect his friends at all?

I’m not going to argue with you about Jasper’s death because Jasper’s character arc is such a disappointment to me and I wish (oh god DO I WISH) it was handled in a way better way. I wish he had chosen to live, I wish Season 4 wasn’t just some long drawn out death sentence for him carried out from the Season 3 finale. I wish Jason could have thought of a better way for his character to continue to exist on the show, but that didn’t happen. And it sucks. And Jasper was my second favourite character (after Bellamy, loml) and I’m upset about it. And he was such good PTSD rep and they could have done amazing things with him.

I really feel like Jason had his mind set on killing Jasper in Season 3 but decided that would be too much, but never actually planned out another character arc for Jasper to have where he chooses to live instead. In his mind, Jasper’s story was over before Season 4 even began. Sometimes that happens with writers. They write themselves into a dead-end or they can’t think of another story that works for a character so instead of choosing the storyline where Jasper decides to live, he chose the alternate - darker - one where Jasper doesn’t recover from his trauma … and his story ends in tragedy.

It’s not the story I would have told, and I wish the way the characters on these shows responded to suicide was something other than saying, “you’re a coward”, but I’m not one for censoring what stories other artists choose to tell. They chose to write the dark one. Really, all that I can do is be sad and bitter and wish that the writers decided on a different character arc.

But they didn’t.

That still doesn’t mean that the writers have lost sight of what this story is about, though.

It’s still about the delinquents. It’s still about the theme of “together”. It’s still about life and hope and, yes, some of our characters die along the way or lose their path but - ultimately - in the end, this story is about family.

We don’t know for certain that Jasper has been forgotten, that he won’t be remembered. There are still those flashbacks Jason promised, and they always do callbacks to previous seasons. Yes, I wish we got more of a reaction out of characters like Clarke and Raven (grrr… still bitter over what could have been) and OCTAVIA, but I chalk that all down to being another problem to pile on top of all the other issues with Season 4 that could have been resolved with three extra episodes.

The writers took on too much in one season and they didn’t have enough episodes to tell it properly. Pacing was an issue, and a lot of things got cut or weren’t fleshed out as much as I would have liked because of it - including the response to Jasper’s death.

The writers just didn’t allocate themselves enough time for those emotional beats… and it’s annoying, but there’s really nothing that can be done about it at this point.

I find that most of the problems with storytelling on this show have much less to do with the actual story itself, and more to do with the pacing. This particular instance is no exception.

Clarke wanted to save them but she hasn’t connected with them since the last interactions of s2.

Clarke has pretty much always been kind of distant from most of her friends, with the exception of pretty much only Bellamy. I mean, hell, she even started the show in isolation. This has always been her struggle. Valuing her head over her heart (and sometimes sacrificing her relationships in the process). I thought that the way we ended Season 4, with Clarke waiting every day to reunite with her friends, never giving up hope … that bodes very well for that long-drawn out arc of Clarke holding herself apart from her friends to finally reach some sort of resolution. I’m very excited for where her arc is going next season, and I think the writers are well aware of Clarke’s tendency to isolate herself.

It’s being addressed.

I wish they’d start writing consistent relationships and plots about fighting to live

Sorry, disagree. They’re already writing those things.

This show has consistently been about our characters’ fight for survival. Isn’t that basically the premise of the show? Fighting to live? Say what you want about everything else about the show, but I’ve always felt that part was pretty consistent.

As for consistent relationships … I think most of the relationships we’re invested in HAVE been consistent. They spend time developing the relationships that are most important to the audience. Like Bellamy and Clarke, Abby and Raven, Monty and Jasper (while it ends tragically), the Blakes (as dysfunctional as they are, I don’t feel like it’s really developed unnaturally for how their dynamic started off and evolved), Kane and Abby, Memori, etc, etc. 

I must be reading the show differently than a lot of people because I feel that many are disappointed, thinking that the writers have lost sight of the show they first set out to be, but I disagree. The show has evolved, matured, and gotten more complex. Our characters have grown, they’re older, and they’ve changed. As a result, the relationships have too. But our core relationships on the show? Those have always been front and center, and our delinquents have always been the focus of each resolution to every season. 

We haven’t lost that many of our main delinquents. Jasper and Finn - that’s basically it. Think how many Grounders we’ve lost? How many other characters who aren’t Sky People? Anya, L.exa, Roan, Ilian, Luna, Lincoln, Maya, etc … These characters - as much as we may love some of them - are supporting characters. 

The delinquents are less expendable, and when you actually start cracking down on numbers, it shows that the writers don’t view them as being unimportant in the way that many “fans” would have you believe.

This is a way longer response than I intended on ever writing, so I’m just going to wrap it up here. I think my opinion has been expanded on more than enough.