#you started as number 1 and you went allllll the way down to the bottom lunar

[snowe-zolynn-rogers]

Good great. Scratching two things off my bingo cards in the same day and shoving Lunar all the way down off my list of favorite characters. Have fun at the very bottom of the list, Lunar, you’re down there with Helpi and Roxanne. Even Gregory’s above you, buddy.

[gemstonedwitch]

♒️ new moon in aquarius ritual✨

📆 in 2019, the february new moon is on the 04th (in Denver, CO; double-check for a more precise time and date for your time zone.)

🌑 new moons are an opportunity to release the things that are holding you back begin new chapters; this is the time in the moon cycle for launching new projects as we are given burst of energy and fresh initiative.

♒️ the aquarian moon (and sun) brings forth new acquaintances and social endeavors, a risk-taker’s attitude, and the urge to break free of the restrictions we set for ourselves in the Capricorn season.

🕯 the focus of this ritual is to use the detached aquarian mindset to break any negative cycles that may be prohibiting advancement, then dream up some big and bright ideas that examining the bigger picture can draw out. it is broken into two parts; a knotting meditation and an exercise in self-expression/direction.

☝️part one: the mala📿

💎 step 1: acquire some gemstone beads. traditionally, a mala uses 108 round 8mm beads, but you can really do whatever you like. don’t get too stressed about the little things if the significance isn’t relevant to you and your practice. i used aquamarine because that’s the stone that i personally most relate to aquarius and most closely matched my intentions but feel free to use other beads. some other aquarian stones include:

amethyst

celestite

chalcedony (blue or purple)

clear quartz

garnet

selenite (to represent the moon, but it’s hard to find selenite beads so i recommend just keeping a piece near you while you knot!)

✂️ step 2: acquire the rest of the materials to knot a necklace. you will need:

string - i use Nylon because it’s convenient. if you use silk, please stretch it before you knot it or all the efforts you put into getting your knots against the beads will be for nothing.

a guru bead - this is a larger bead that goes at the bottom of the garland, it serves as an ending place for your repetitions.

a tassel - this goes under the guru bead and is mostly decorative as far as i know. these last two will not be used in the ritual part of the spell but are the traditional way to finish a mala.

🎧 step 3: create a comfortable and secure space. gather all of your beading supplies and whatever else you need to relax. i make a pile of crystals to draw in focus and energy (i also added the other aquarian crystals that i mentioned above) and sit under the shelf they’re on. light some incense, put on some background noise, and take a moment to ground yourself into the present reality.

🤲 step 4a: start beading. if you’re totally unfamiliar with bead knotting, i’d watch some youtube videos first, but it really is a simple technique once you get the hang of the motion. tie a knot towards one end of your length of string, then slide a bead allllll the way down. tie another of the same knot, and slide another bead. repeat until you have 108 (or whatever number you intend on knotting) beads. tie the two ends together, finish with a guru bead and tassel.

✨step 4b: enchantment. the reason i chose to make a mala rather than enchanting something i bought or already owned was to use the knotting technique to help repeat my mantras; in order to enter a deeper meditative state and literally weave my intentions between every bead. by the end, you are left with jewelry that you can use to call upon the purpose you program into it by simply wearing it. i split the knots up amongst four mantras, so i ended up repeating each one 27 times rather than 108 of the same intention, but feel free to pick just one or use different intentions altogether! these were my intentions:

i release all destructive thoughts, patterns, and relationships.

i detach from situations in order to see the broader essence.

i have expanded perception in order to clearly visualize my ideas.

i easily and effortlessly communicate my thoughts.

step 5: wear your necklace for part two!

✌️part two: the vision board🔮

i chose to make a digital vision board, but this can be done physically as well- i’ll give a few tips for both.

👁 step 1: decide on your vision. what’s your vision board going to illustrate? i decided to re-do my business’ vision to give myself a more solid direction for the rebranding process, but you can do this for anything that you want. some ideas i’m coming up with off the top of my head:

the “you” you want to work towards being

future dream home/wedding/life/etc

how you’d like to redecorate your room/office

ideas for a project you’re starting

📸 step 2: compile pictures. find a good selection of images that represent different elements in your overall vision. you can do this online (WeHeartIt is the best!) and save them to a download folder or print them out to have physical versions, or cut out images from magazines!

⏳ step 3: organize and re-organize them! take the time to put the images into a good layout, even if it takes a few shots. if you’re gluing images by hand, it’s often easier to go at it as more free-form and less boxy; because not all your images will fit together perfectly. for the tech witches, open whatever photo editing program you’re most comfortable with. i believe gimp is a free software, but i use photoshop. open up a document and import the images you downloaded. i didn’t create the template, you can find it HERE.

✨ step 4: charge (& display) your vision. all this work is for nothing if you just let your vision gather dust or get lost in your files. put it to use; physically by hanging it in your room/office, or on your altar to manifest. if you went the digital route, make it wallpaper size for your phone or computer, or make a private tumblr post and reblog to charge! find some way to give your vision purpose in order for it to be realized.

happy new moon! 🌑♒️📿💎💙💨

[brainsinmyheadfeetinmyshoes]

Three weeks postpartum & preschool

Oh man, I better get writing. So many little things.

Celia is growing so quickly. When she was first born, for about a week, she would flinch every time she was touched. Like she really wasn’t used to it, haha. I just don’t want to forget that little quirk of hers, since it was so short-lived.

As her tears came in last week, she appeared to have clogged tear ducts because both eyes would get goopy. Apparently it’s pretty common and can persist up to a year. I swabbed them routinely but nothing seemed to really do the trick until I put breastmilk in them. One eye seemed to clear up immediately, the other got much better but kept gooping up for the next few days. Last night, the membrane must have opened though, because I haven’t had to swab either eye all day. Hooray! Even though it’s harmless, eye goop looks pretty gross.

We still haven’t given her a bath, just wiped her down as needed (neck folds, leg creases, under arms) but I think today is the day. I’m excited because I think she’ll enjoy it.

She’s still pretty low-maintenance with periods of tanking up, gas, diaper blowouts, and sleep. They’re not predictable patterns but she’ll spend time looking at the high-contrast books, and tries to lift her head up now, in the waking periods, so that’s fun for everyone.

I’m feeling pretty well recovered. So much so, that I’m shocked to realize that it’s still only been 3 weeks and some change since I pushed a baby out. That’s the miracle of childbirth, for sure. I just feel so... normal?! most of the time. Yesterday, I was on my feet for probably six hours. I could NEVER do that pregnant. Cooking meals is a semi-welcome endeavor now, because I have more than a shred of energy to put some time into it. When I wash dishes, the freaking knobs on the cabinet doors no longer press painfully into my abdomen. Many of my non-maternity shirts, skirts, and dresses are fitting again (pants and shorts, not yet). Most importantly, with Lucian having started preschool (more below), I’m going to do 30min of walking every weekday for the month of September, and hopefully October too. I can push Lionel in the stroller and wear Celia. Yesterday was my first day and man, I was BEAT. As ho-hum as a walk seems, it was a serious workout. I was very tired, glistening with sweat, my muscles felt engaged the rest of the day, and I was a little sore this morning. Even though I don’t much care for walking, and it’s inconvenient to do it with two kids, I want to take advantage of nice weather, and jump right into improving my baseline fitness/health. 

ALSO, I think my gestational diabetes has resolved in record time. Thirst was an obvious signal whenever I would overdue the carbs/sugar during pregnancy and I’ve still had extreme thirst since Celia was born, but there are many reasons for it--losing all the excess pregnancy water with heavy sweating, and lactation requiring more, to name two. But in the last few days, my thirst has become manageable, so I began to suspect the GD was gone (despite being quoted a 6-8 week target for resolution). After breakfast this morning (a muffin and banana, two no-no’s during pregnancy, and a death knell in combination, surely putting me in the 160-180 range I would guess), my blood sugar was at a model 105. I’ll keep checking here and there, but I’m pretty thrilled at not feeling like I’m harming my body if I put a piece of fruit in my mouth, let alone a cookie or boba smoothie.

So, Lucian started preschool last Thursday. We had a whole, painful, nauseating saga early in the week because we were offered a spot at our chosen Montessori school for him. I was THRILLED. We’ve watched our waitlist number dwindle down and I was so excited at the prospect of a) Montessori, and b) early dismissal. (Most schools go until 3:15-4pm in the area, even for PK3, because it’s easier for parents who work, but it’s such an unnecessarily long day for the age.) But lo and behold, they require kids to be potty trained. And Lucian simply is not. He’s been wearing underpants at least one day a week for three months, sometimes more, but hasn’t been motivated by any of our half-hearted training attempts. M&Ms, stickers, “isn’t that icky on your bottom,” and big boy underpants just haven’t done the trick. But in the last week before school, he started wearing them every day. He’d use the toilet maybe 4 times, and go in his underpants 1-2 times. I was tempted to enroll him anyway, with the thought that maybe he would move away from diapers if he had a school=underpants association, the social pressure, and the reinforcement from teachers, but in my heart of hearts I knew that was wrong, and Erik said he would never have allowed it anyway. That would have been a ton of potential trauma/pressure, when starting school is momentous/stressful enough anyway. And more urgently, if we were asked to pull him from the school, we would have NO other seats open to us. So I cried and cried. Sobbed. Then declined the offer. We were SO disappointed. And disappointment is just such a bitch of an emotion. The irony is that Montessori is all about child-led learning, and we’re letting our child lead on the one thing that disqualifies him from child-led education. Such BS. The other bit of irony is that he’s probably going to be totally toilet-trained within a few weeks at any school, because he’s riiiiiight there. Boo hiss. It makes me sick to my stomach thinking about the whole thing now. Just totally burns me.

But la-dee-dah, he started PK3 at our local default public school. It’s not a bad/unsafe/dangerous school whatsoever. But having taught Montessori, that is my preference. And being a bilingual household, a bilingual school would also be my preference. Oh well. The DC school lottery is a special beast and we simply didn’t win the lottery.

He’s taking school really hard. He’s such a sensitive/clingy little guy, and has never been in a social setting like this, so we expected a big adjustment and we’re getting it. The first day he cried allllll day and didn’t pee/poop until evening. He was also starving when he got home, even though he’d eaten much of his lunch. The second day, he peed once on the toilet (at the insistence of the teacher) and told me he only cried two times. The teacher asked us to print out a wallet-sized family photo to keep in his pocket. The third day (yesterday), the teacher said he cried 80% of the time, but the 20% that he didn’t was good. The minute he saw us, he said, “I miss you so much today, Mama. Lionel, I’m back from school. I miss you so much. Where my daddy?” So he’s definitely taking in language from the teachers (we’re having to press him to keep using Papi instead of Daddy, so we’ll see how long that lasts.) He only peed once again, and only when coerced, and the minute we went through the door at home, he torrentially wet his pants. Today, he woke up with a runny nose, and his crying started in the car rather than at the classroom door. He said he peed his pants while in the carseat, but I think now it was a ploy to go home, because he was dry, and I told him his teachers had a change of clothes for him anyway. He asked to sleep and sleep at school, so maybe the runny nose will become a worse illness, or maybe it was another ploy. At the classroom, he agreed to pee in the toilet and exclaimed how hungry he was, all through dramatic tears, so I don’t know what to make of it all. He’s cheerful/unscathed at home, and doesn’t even act exhausted (though he looks it). And the cutest thing of all, even through his pitiful weeping one of the days, he consistently used please, thank you, excuse me, etc. It was precious. Anyway, I’m definitely able to detach and stay strong through this adjustment, but I’ll be so relieved when crying at drop-off is behind us. It’s just such a raincloud for starting the day.

Lionel is adjusting too, and definitely seems vaguely bored. He’s always been good at self-entertaining, but seems to want to interact with me more than usual, probably to make up for not having Lucian around. but it’s been refreshing to spend a bit more time watching him, since it’s evident when his wheels are turning, and gives me more patience/understanding when I see that in fact, he IS doing what I asked, just in a circuitous way, and I shouldn’t rush him. I need to be conscious of actively spending time with him, since it’s easy to feel like I get a break when I only have one of the boys. But we’ll find a rhythm soon. Today is only the second day I’m flying solo with all three kids all day, and I don’t have my footing yet. I’m starting from scratch with a new routine that includes school pickup/dropoff, a newborn, a new naptime, a workout, and meal prep, so understandably, it doesn’t resemble our free-flow from before. But little by little.