#you: renjun is it crack is that what you smoke

[ihavethedreamies]

First Kisses | NCT Dream

NCT Dream - All Members

Rating: E for Everyone

Word Count: About 300 for each, so about 2k total

Pairing: NCT Dream x GN!Reader (Separate)

Genre: Reader-Insert, Drabble, Fluff

Summary: Your first kiss with each member of NCT Dream!

Author's Note: I have never wrote drabble-length things before, so I am proud of myself I kept these so short.

I tried to keep these gender-neutral, so let me know if I didn't, but it might still be slightly implied in these the reader is AFAB, I don't think so though…

PS. Mark's and Haechan's are different from the ones for 127…

-> NCT 127 <-

-> WayV <-

I am cross-posting this on Archive. Please reblog! If you know anyone that would like this or future fics but they aren't on here my name and icon are exactly the same on the other site. Happy reading!

Mark

"You like someone?!" Mark's voice was way too loud, so you shushed him harshly, pressing on his shoulder to get him to sit back down. Luckily, the fast-food joint had very few people in it, but it just made his shout all the more obvious. "Shush!" You sighed, resting your forehead in your hand. "Yes." "Who?" He didn't sound curious, but it was hard to pinpoint his tone. "Why do you care?" It was him, but you couldn't just announce it right then. He had ruined the mood, plus it was not the place for a confession. "Is it Jeno?" "No." "Jaemin?" "No." "Donghyuck?!" He sounded mad and you looked around, shushing him again. "No! It's not any of our friends." You hoped that your vague answer was enough. "Who is it? What if he doesn't deserve you!?" "It's you, dumbass!" You had hoped to be sweeter about the confession, but your voice was laced with irritation. His upset facial expression fell, red slowly deepening on his face and the tips of his ears. Rubbing your temple, you nodded apologetically to the older couple nearest your table. "It's me?" "Yes." You brushed it off, continuing a normal conversation, changing the subject. He was only kind of listening; you could see his brain going into overdrive. He finally mentioned it again as you left the place. You were walking down the street, past an empty playground. His hand grabbed yours, spinning you to him. Mark's lips pressed to yours, soft at first, then he deepened it with a groan. When he pulled back, he smirked then as the tables had turned, your face red. "I like you too."

Renjun

He shoved past people, nearly knocking someone over as he fought through the crowd. He wished he wasn't so damn short, weaving through people looking for you. The crowd had formed around the bus, the big vehicle lying on its side, windows cracked and broken. The utility truck that had smashed into it had then hit a pole, smoke rising out of the front. That was the bus you were normally on; he knew it because he had been waiting for you to get off. The bus was so close to the stop down the road that he saw the accident, then ran to the scene. "Watch it!" Someone snapped as he shoved again, still looking for you. "Renjun?" His heart leaped when he heard you, turning around quickly to see you standing on the edge of the crowd. Your phone was in your hand, and you were taking one of your ear buds out. "(Y/N)!" He surged forward, shoving one more person so hard they stumbled, and before you could ask anything else, his arms were around you. You let out a soft, 'oof' your ear bud falling from your hand onto the pavement, luckily you held your phone firm. Renjun was breathing harshly, his cheek pressed to the side of your head, and you felt a tear that fell from his eye. "What happened?" You asked, looking at the bus crash. You were going to get on it like usual, but the bus was full, so you decided to walk instead. Renjun pulled back, his hands cupping your cheeks, turning your head to look over you. "Are you okay?" He was still breathing hard. "Yes? I walked…" You glanced back at the accident, but his hands still on your face, kept you from looking too well. Renjun sighed hard, and turned you back to look at him, capturing your next words with his lips. You squeaked in surprise, then melted into the kiss. It was desperate, not soft, and quick like you thought your first would be. When he finally pulled away, he pulled you back into a hug. Your mind reeled from the whirlwind of events, but you hugged him back, standing in his embrace so he could revel in the fact you weren't hurt.

Jeno

"Why are you looking at me like that?" Jeno had noticed your stare. You blinked to snap yourself out of it, eyes flitting away from his lips to meet his eyes. "What do you mean?" You hummed coyly, taking a sip of your drink. He scoffed playfully. "You've been ogling me more than usual today." He smirked and you glared insincerely. "I have no idea what you are going on about." You brushed it off and you two continued your meal. Dates between you two were not all that much different than when you two would hang out as friends, but there was a lot more flirting going on, of course. Casually drinking your iced coffee, you looked out the window, pretending to people watch. You were able to see his reflection in the glass. Jeno huffed amused, but let it go. As you were walking down the street, not heading anywhere in particular, his fingers linked around yours and you tried to keep your face neutral at the little act. When you two were walking past a park, he halted, his hand in yours pulling you to stop as well. Turning to look at him in question, he watched carefully as your eyes flitted over his face, lingering on his lips before going to his own. "You really want to kiss me that bad?" He smirked and your face turned red so fast he thought steam would come off of it. Were you that obvious? "W-what do you…" You swallowed and he stepped forward, so he was much closer. Glancing around, there was no one in sight, so he leaned in, lips pressing to the corner of your mouth. What a tease he was. You grunted, annoyed, and before he could fully laugh, your arms were around his neck. Jeno allowed you to haul him down to your level, lips sealing over his tightly. Since you were in public, he pulled back before the kiss could deepen further, tongue brushing your lower lip still. "Good?" He smirked. "Yes~"

Haechan

When you walked into the living room, you had not expected your roommate to be home, let alone spread like a starfish in the middle of the room. "Hyuck?" You questioned him and he gave an acknowledging grunt. "What are you doing?" "Contemplating life. Having an existential crisis." His tone was uncharacteristically flat, but it was clear he was being overdramatic. "Why?" You stopped next to him, and his gaze met yours, looking up at you like a kicked puppy. "You're going to the beach without me…" He pouted and you rolled your eyes. "Hyuck, it’s a family trip. Only family and significant others are going, not friends…" "I'm just a friend?!" He sat up quickly as you left his side, going to the kitchen. You wondered if he got a head rush. "You're my roommate, which is friend category." You jumped when you turned around, he was right there. "Freaking- what?!" You furrowed your brow along with him. "Can't I be a significant other?" His question further threw you off and you just gaped. "W-what?" "Take me as your boyfriend!" "But you're not my boyfriend!" "I am now!" He declared, his hand going to the back of your head, yanking you closer, kissing you to prevent any retort. After getting over the initial shock, you melted into the kiss, and followed after when he pulled back. "Yeah?" His stupid smirk made you want to smack him. "Fine…come as my boyfriend."

Jaemin

"Guess what?" His tone made you roll your eyes. He dropped his bag on the couch next to you and sneered up at him. "What?" You grimaced when he flopped down between you and his bag, sitting back confidently, ankle resting on his opposite knee. "I found out that someone likes me." "A lot of people like you, Jaemin. You have a mirror." You huffed, going back to your show, but he took the remote and paused it again. "I know who." "Yeah?" Your heart skipped; nervous he had figured you out. Hopefully, it was someone else, literally anyone else. Jaemin leaned it, his stupid smirk had evolved into the incredibly sexy one he knew just how to use. "It's you, (Y/N)." He chuckled and you tried to keep your face flat, but he saw your skin tinting pink, almost reddening. "W-who told you that?" "You did." "WHAT?!" You wondered what the hell he was talking about. You hadn't been drunk lately… "You read my letter to my mom!?" "I mean… It was just on the table…" "Ass-munch!" You lunged at him, tackling him back on the couch, landing on top of him. You grabbed the collar of his hoodie, hauling him up to glare at him. Instead of playing along with your fake aggression, he tilted his head, licking your lips. You dropped him, he bounced on the cushions, then he grabbed your waist, rolling forward so you were under him. His lips stopped your protest and you immediately melted, letting him kiss you. Jaemin pulled back, still with that stupid smirk. "You dick." You sneered, pulling him back down.

Chenle

After another extremely dramatic sigh from Chenle next to you, you stopped tying on your laptop, looking at him. "What now?" "I'm bored." He mumbled and you rolled your eyes. "Lele, we are going to be on this plane for another eight and a half hours, figure something out." You went back to typing and he groaned again. Luckily, he was filthy rich and so you both got to fly in the lap of luxury of first class. For the next fifteen minutes, you half-heartedly listen to him complain about this and that, before he stopped talking abruptly. Casting him a side glance to see what might have piqued his interest, he dug into his backpack, pulling a red box out. Pepero sticks. "What?" You had a feeling where he was going with it, your face a bit warm. He said nothing, for once, and tore the box open, pulling the chocolate covered biscuit stick out. He placed one end in his mouth, leaning closer, his implication clear. You huffed, closing your laptop, relenting. Maybe for once you could call his bluff. Sealing your lips around the other end, you both began to chew on it, lips getting closer and closer to each other. He still remained strong, so when there was barely any left between you, you sealed the deal. Your lips hit it, the rest of the candy entering your mouth. Though, when you went to pull back, he grunted, hand flying to the back of your head, bringing you back to him, kissing you harder. When he let you go, he laughed at your red face. You cursed him out under your breath, and he laughed harder.

Jisung

You were starting to ramble, panicking at his reaction. When you let it slip out of your mouth, you hadn't even registered, you had confessed. The tone was casual, so much so, he almost didn't catch your meaning. You told him that when a classmate had asked you for his contact, you told her no. You added that you two were more than friends to get her off the topic. This, however, was NOT true. When he asked why you did that, your reply was simple, "Cause you're mine-" He halted his stride and that made you stop too. That's when you started spewing out words, face hot, stomach flipping. So focused on finding the right explanation, you didn't notice Jisung move closer. By the time your eyes met, his big hands cradled your jaw and his lips softly met yours. He swallowed your gasp, pressing closer, his nerves quickly fading. Once you were over the initial shock, you kissed back, your own hands gripping the fabric of his sweatshirt over his ribs. Finally pulling away from each other, you both smiled bashfully, but didn't step away. Jisung even still had his hands on your jaw, thumb stroking the soft, flushed skin of your cheek. "If I'm yours, does that mean you're mine too?" His shyness was growing back at his own words. You blinked, then giggled, fingers messing with his hoodie zipper. "I'm yours, Jisung." Your smile grew when he leaned back in, lips ghosting over yours when he replied. "Let's be each other's then."

-> NCT 127 <-

-> WayV <-

Master-Master List

NCT Master List

[majestichyuk]

Just the norm

Pairing :- Mark Lee x Fem!reader

Summary :- Just some college kids being college kids.

Genre :- College students, comedy (because I’m nice like that), text messages, fluff (you tell me), acquaintances to friends, flirty-ish, ass whooping, cringe alert (sry)

Wc :- 1.3k 

WARNING :- cursing. It’s never a peaceful day with the haechan & renjun, reader wanted the smoke, and jeno just being the peacemaker because he can. 

Notes :- THANK YOU FOR 100 NOTES ON MY LATEST BOOK kutabare starring Jeno T-T. I WROTE THIS, sry i wrote this in the spawn of the moment because why not, you either enjoy it or you don’t, but once again thank you for the love, don't be afraid to talk with me and send in some ask, I’m open. But anyways enjoy my crack cringe short story, LIKE, FOLLOW & REBLOG. 

🦹

“HAECHAN, GIVE IT BACK!,” you yelled as you leap forward to grab the nuisance by his light brown hair.

“Bring back what?!” Haechan asked as he stood on the other side of the table. “I have nothing that belongs to you,” 

“Haecha- ugh, RENJUN!” you called out to Renjun who’s busied himself with his phone on the other side of the classroom, with his legs crossed elegantly. “Haechan give her back whatever you stole from her,” Renjun ordered as he kept his attention on his phone.

Haechan snarled at you as he handed you back your phone, and pouted as he plopped himself at his desk.

“I always knew you were a lil bitch,” you stick your tongue out playfully at Haechan as you took your phone from his hands. 

“What'd you say you strumpet-” he was interrupted as Jeno entered the classroom.

“What’s with all the noise I was hearing outside?” Jeno questioned as he placed his barrel bag on your desk. “You two fighting again?” Jeno looked at both you and Haechan unimpressed.

“They’ve been at each other throats since this mornin-” Renjun was the second victim of being interrupted by someone.  

“There wouldn’t have been an issue today if he wouldn’t stick his nose out in other people's busine-” Haechan interrupted you as he jumped out of his seat, slamming both of his palms on your desk startling Jeno.

“Well, I’m sorry for wanting to know who has my dearest friend all smiley and shit!” He nearly gagged at the scene he witnessed this morning. “Who possessed you, babe?” Haechan looked at you worriedly as he reached out to check your temperature.

“Renjun whatcha doing after school?,” Jeno peered over you and Haechan getting into a brawl, completely ignoring you two as if it was a normal day.

“Mark asked me to help him with something so I’m probably going to his house,” Renjun told Jeno as he went into his bag searching for a snack. You halted yourself as you let go of Haechan’s neck, dusting your pants as you got up from the floor, kicking him in his ass before you walk over to Renjun.

“Want me to tag along, Junnie?” You sat on Renjun’s table and tried to muster your most irresistible puppy eyes.

“Look who’s the little bitc-” Haechan got slapped at the back of the head by Jeno as he struggled to get up from the floor. 

Renjun put his attention back on you. “Why you wanna tag along, don’t you have somewhere to be after school,” Renjun asks pushing more of a reaction out of you, even though he has an idea of your motives to join him and Mark.

“Well.. not anymore, I don’t really have to be there, the team will do fine without me for one day,” you reassure him, even though you’re kind of rethinking if your basketball team has that level of independence.

“They’ll be fine,” You brushed him off as you took a bite of the snack he handed to you.

“So who were you messaging this morning to have Haechan nearly puke everywhere?” Renjun questioned you as if he didn’t know.

“No one really,” You stuffed a handful of the chips in your mouth. “Jst marlk,” you were able to get out, thinking no one would be able to understand. Until.

“MARK? MARK FUCKING LEE,” Haechan pushed Renjun out of his seat as he planted himself in front of you in Renjun's abandoned chair. “Lee Minhyung has you smiling like that?!,” Haechan looks at you in concern and disgust.

“What’s so wrong with Mark?” Jeno joined in as he held Renjun back from pouncing on Haechan. “Calm down Renjun, calm down,” He gently stroked Renjun's hair and went over to flick Haechan’s forehead.

“Well for starters,” Haechan rubbed his red forehead. “He’s a total wimp that just smells bad and too uptight, AND HE CHEATS!” 

“You’re just mad because he beat you in badminton,” Renjun rolled his eyes whilst taking a seat next to you on his desk. 

“And because he beat you in Mario cart,” Jeno added as he propped by the window.

“And because he-” you stopped speaking when Haechan started to dramatically flop in his chair.

“Okay! Okay, I get it, I’m a jealous trainwreck, I can't help my competitiveness” he pulled out his white handkerchief and surrendered. Everyone chuckled at him until their attention was taken by the devil himself.

“Hey Mark,” Jeno got up and bro hugged Mark who reluctantly accepted the gesture.

“Hey,” Mark muttered looking quite tired as he went to take his seat at the back of the class. 

“You see what I mean? A total wimp, didn’t even greet us” Haechan loudly whispered as he watched Mark place his headphones on his head. Jeno went over the speak with Mark, leaving Haechan to ramble.

“I don’t think you should be talking considering your mom has to wash your underwear at your big age, and he looks tired” You retorted, gazing at Jeno and Mark wondering what Jeno was talking about.

“Well since you’re obviously so smitten by him why don’t you go over and talk with him?” Haechan challenges you as he looks at you expectedly. 

Renjun brushed him off “You didn’t have the balls to talk to youR crush face to face, all I saw was shriveled nuts,”. You burst out in laughter gaining the attention of the two boys at the back.

“You know what I’m not even going to waste my time with you,” Haechan glared at Renjun. 

“The only action you’re getting is from that hole in your pillow, you prude,” Haechan spat out as Renjun gasped at his words.

 “It wouldn’t be that way if you’d let your mom visit me mor- AH!” Renjun got up from his desk and ran towards the classroom door with Haechan trailing behind him screaming how he’d skin him alive. 

You sat there with your arms crossed, knowing after they’d had their little fight they’d probably leave the compound goofing around to only return until their next class. You watch as Jeno and Mark are still in deep conversation about god knows what, so you get up go back to your table, and take out your phone preparing to play a mobile game until lunch is finished. 

After five minutes of playing Roblox, you see you got a text from someone.

Marknificent 🦹: So no greetings when I arrived?

You quickly open the message, instantly thinking back and realizing you indeed didn't greet him, not that it was unpurpose.

You: I should be asking you the same thing 🤨

Marknificent 🦹: Touche

Marknificent 🦹: What ya doing?

You looked behind you to see him still engaging in conversation with Jeno, well he’s mostly listening but anyway.

You: I’m actually on the toilet 💀

You: Taking a fat shit

Marknificent 🦹: ew wft dude 😭 😂

Marknificent 🦹: Well I’m popping a huge pimple on my ass rn 

You let out a snorted laugh to look back and see Mark looking away from Jeno, smiling trying to hold his laughter.

You: Are you having a serious conversation rn?

Marknificent 🦹: Yes 🧍🏻

You: So why are you texting me?

Marknificent 🦹: Well I’ve noticed we don’t really talk much in person because we’re always interrupted, so why not cheat the system?

 You: That’s not nice bro ☠️

Marknificent 🦹: He’s too deep in his story to even notice

Marknificent 🦹: Plus ima pro at multitaskin, no lies detected.

You: Im intrigued 

Marknificent 🦹: Well I asked renjun to help me with something at my place

Marknificent 🦹: You could tag along and 

Marknificent 🦹: MAYBE, i’ll show you first hand (pun intended)

You: what was the joke? 💀

You: Boy-

You: what ya mean by that? 😏

Marknificent 🦹: I shall not tell ☝️

Marknificent 🦹: You have to be there to find out 🧍🏻

You: Aaaaand what if I’m not there Mark lee

Marknificent 🦹: Well Albert, Ig you’ll never know

You: Albert 🧍‍♀️, really? 👩‍🦯

You logged out

[yongislong]

common phrases in relationship + nct dream.

wc: idk eekk genre: fluff/angst-ish/crack?/establish relationships

cw/note: none, i dont think! common things said within reader x non-idol!dreamies relationships <3 i loved writing this sm

mark... you're doing so well. exchanged in between you guys almost every day. you both could have been alone together all day, lazing around and he'll never forget to tell you how proud of you he is, and you the same, especially on his hardest days. it comes with tears, laughter, a tucking of hair behind the ears, a kiss on the crease in between your brows, or sleepy exchanges in the morning before classes or at night just before knocking out, limbs tangled. there are more lighthearted moments between you both like when he pretends to shoot webs out of his wrists but overall support is key

renjun... boi. and yes with an i, and yes he does the hand sign thing with it, like will come up to you and go "boi" and walk away because hes a FREAAAKK. a close runner up is c'mere. GAHHHH he's insane. literally insane. he has so many phrases some saved just for you but any time you hear "c'mere" you're in for it. absolutley in for it. either he wants money, food or a world domination partner. he knows you'd do anything when he lilts his pitch up a bit higher and whines, he knows hes gorgeous its infuriating but also, look at him hes :") hes jun!? your jun!

jeno... ang or pretty thing. he's a biter. IDK, okay i dont. know. but what i do know is that he bites. whether you're making breakfast or laying curled up in bed, he has this... innate alpha urge to bite your cheek his fav, lower stomach, tricep, thigh or shoulder. literally so non sexual like hes just feral. its cute though and that little ang sound he makes </3 he always apologizes with an eye smile and a "sorry pretty thing" after giggling and wiping his spit off your skin T-T lol. likes seeing ur cheeks get pink after he bites them tho haha

haechan... and scene. he thinks he in a movie fr... everytime he rants or confesses something to you and is slightly even a bit lovable or vunurable he will end it with "and scene." he claims its to break the tension but you know its bc he always puts on a happy persona and he can't handle being emotional like that with someone. hes gotten better at it since you came along yaas but will still do it after he makes out with you and it makes you violent?? and he thinks your face is the funniest thing??? hes ever seen??? everytime?? :D ... :|

jaemin... aaaaigo. obviously! kinda basic but other than pet names and endless praise hes more of an acts of service person. hes the type of guy who would like, want to squeeze their pet to death but, out of love :") and its the same with you like he wish he could be better with words but "aigo" is just so fitting when all he feels is insane amounts of love towards you and he cant... like squeeze you xtra hard lol. sometimes he does one or the other but if your being extra cute he'll pick you up and spin you around while chanting aigo over and over again

chenle... i'll pay. oh chenle and his chivarly. yes you are both broke-ish college students and yes hes paid for at least 95% of everything since you both began dating. only times you've been lucky enough to pay is when he rushes off to the bathroom and you flag down your server with debit card in hand. he zelled you almost immediatley so, cash is now a must for you. he can't help but spoil you. you'd once mentioned to him how you can't imagine what he's gonna be like once you two get steady jobs and all he did was smile at you... like the joker... spoiler he bought daegal with his first adult paycheck

jisung... smoke bomb! i.... ok so he gets into predicaments a lot and ok, tbh i dont think hes all that shy but he is kinda awkward and envionrmentally unaware? so he'll be talking to you, or anyone really, and when he senses your eyes kinda squint and a confused pout make its way onto your lips he pretends to smash something on the ground and yell "smoke bomb" and run as fast as he can but... theres obvi no smoke so he... i mean... you can picture it T-T its v cute though just not when he gets flustered in the public grocery store because you asked him if he knew what gnocci pasta actually was

[daegall]

The feelings that brew

pairing: slytherin!hyuck x reader

genre: slight bff2l!AU, fluff, crack, hogwarts!AU

warnings: uhh poor descriptions of hogwarts im not too good at describing it lmao

word count: 700 words

a/n: for @kflixnet 's childhood memories event!! chose a hogwarts!AU bc literally all my life was full of harry potter

back after a hot moment how are we feeling? my writing might feel a bit rusty, and trust me i can physically feel it as i type </3 i havent written in like. 2 weeks so pls bare with me ^^

networks/taglist: @neoturtles @knet-bakery @ficscafe @kflixnet @k-radio @nct-writers + @soobin-chois @treasuretaeil

Potions class was always your least favorite. Although it was the pride of your house, you really can't find the fun in it.

And it seems like your best friend feels the same way, staring dully at his cauldron with a very unimpressed expression. There's something wrong about his potion, you know this, you know by the way he groans for the fifth time, and the smoke that emits from the cauldron.

Your potion was very wrong as well, actually. It had the exact same look and affect.

"Potions sucks." Donghyuck sighs, slumping his head onto the desk. You can see Huang Renjun at the corner of your eye glare at Donghyuck at the disruptiveness he causes, and you ought to laugh.

"I know it does, that's like the eight time you've said it."

"It's the eighth time I've messed the potion up! What are we even trying to make?"

Actually, now that you think of it, you really don't know. You've simply been following instructions from Professor Snape and paying attention to... well, nothing.

You look into your book, and find the potion on page 59. "Wow," You muse, shoulders shaking with light laughter. "we're supposed to be making amortentia."

Donghyuck springs up at this, suddenly interested, "Oh, cool! I want to smell the things I like!"

"What do you think you'd smell?"

Donghyuck turns to face you with a rather flirtatious smile, winking at your direction. "You, probably."

Your heart jumps at his statement. There was something about him lately, that made you feel some type of way. You don't like it. Not one bit. It has your cheeks heating and your stomach twisting and everthing.

Alas, you try to cover it up, reaching up to tug at a few strands of his hair. "Yeah, like I'd smell you?"

Before Donghyuck can make another witty and flirty response, professor Snape calls out to all the students, claiming that Hwang Yeji had made the perfect amortentia potion, much to your delight.

The whole class rushes to flock around the prefect's caldron, while you are stuck outside to inspect it a little later. You're not that interested in potions, after all.

However, you would like to congratulate Yeji, all because you know she loves the praise. You and Donghyuck lean in to get a good look at it, trying to feel what it's like to have an actual good potion.

"Nice work, Yeji—"

Suddenly, you get a waft of the amortentia, all the different scents leaving you dazed, almost dizzy. Smells like Pine, grass, was that... chocolate?

But wait a minute... that smells just like—

With one glance at your best friend you know he recognizes his scents as well. There's no way you two actually smell each other.

You don't talk to each other. At least, not until the day's over and you're both sitting in your common room. You frankly don't want to say anything.

But holy shit, does Donghyuck look incredibly soft and almost adorable in his sweater. You haven't seen him so nervous since first year, when he was getting assigned to his house.

You two glace at each other only ever so frequently, shy and nervous.

God, why did you smell Donghyuck?!

You gather up the last of your courage to open your mouth, but you still don't find enough for you to turn to him or say anything.

"So—"

"I—"

Alarmed, the both of you turn to each other, before the awkward tension around you two cracks with laughter.

As you lean forward and laugh, you get another waft of his scent. It's exactly what you smelled in Yeji's potion. And no doubt Donghyuck smells you too, because he backs up as soon as he does, eyes wide in surprise.

"Did you smell me?"

"...Yeah. Did you?"

"Yeah."

You don't do anything but stare at each other, almost fondly, and a light smile curls at your lips. You two don't say anything, at least not when Donghyuck reaches over to grab you into an embrace, and not when you two fall asleep on the couch right then and there. You don't need to say anything to know what's gonna happen next.

[radiorenjun]

my first and last || huang renjun

¤ pairing : huang renjun x reader

¤ genre : fluff, slight crack, major angst, romance, drama, slight fantasy! au, slight coming of age!au, first love!au, slight 1880s!au, adventure!au, painter!renjun x street singer!y/n. runaway!au

¤ synopsis :  Huang Renjun was born on the coldest day on earth, which causes his heart to be frozen solid, requiring a replacement. The makeshift Doctor, Madam Wendy, who provides midwifery and medical services to the poor and the desperate of Edinburgh, grafts a miniature cuckoo clock in order to save it.

However his newfound cuckoo clock heart was so fragile that it could end him in a terrible fate of death if he does not follow the three rules said doctor had provided for him. One of which was he must never fall in love. Do come and enter this adventure through Renjun’s eyes as he falls for a street singer who hates wearing glasses despite of her poor eyesight.

¤ warnings: character death, HEAVY angst, mentions of blood, loss of family member, reader has terrible eyesight and is painfully oblivious, Madam Wendy mentions about her abortion, maybe some swearing (do people even swear in the olden days?), historical inaccuracies is sexy, heartbreak, renjun is mentally exhausted, mentions of taking ones life (once), adults smoking, reader wears glasses at the end. shakespeare shaming because i have a grudge against that man. hISTORICAL INNACURACIES. Renjun gets slapped by Wendy once, renjun gets hypothermia. i feel like this was quite rushed idk

¤ word count : 29.2k

¤ heavily inspired by  La Mécanique du cœur (the movie, not the novel because I’m not that cruel)

¤ playlist: my everything - nct u, instagram - dean, wayo - bang yedam, francis forever - mitski mitski, anxiete - pomme, faded in my last song - nct u, line without a hook - ricky montgomery, moi cest - camelia jordana, my first and last - nct dream, beautiful time - nct dream, 

¤ a/n: special thanks to @lebrookestore​​ for making this sexy header

‘Love. What does that feel like?' Renjun would always wonder. 

As his paint brush strokes the canvas, eliciting a bright yellow mark on the object, Renjun continued to stare into his painting with a void of emotion. Whenever the occasional question 'what does it feel like to love or to be loved?' pops up in his mind, he would often furrow his brows and purse his lips in a small pout in confusion at the thought. 

Renjun didn't know what it felt like to love, for his caretaker, Madame Wendy, had always told him since he was a young boy that 'love is the last thing you need in this world, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal.' Renjun didn’t care much for the aspects of love. How can he fall in love when he doesn’t even know what love is? What does it feel like to feel love? How can you feel love?

If you take one small glance at Huang Renjun, you would instantly have the assumption that he was a rather cold-hearted, emotionless young boy. Eyes so icy cold and void of emotion, it could send shivers down your spine. Though, fortunately for everyone else, it was quite rare of the young boy to walk out of his home. Some might say that he would step out of his home ‘once in a blue moon’ or whenever the sun shone brightly over the old town, which was quite rare considering it had been raining frequently these past few months in Edinburgh, France.

However, what they didn’t know was that the reason behind his infrequent appearance was quite tragic. He was an unfortunate young boy, really. Only a few people have known this, but long long ago, a sudden harsh snowfall hit his town on the day he was born. It was recorded as the coldest day on earth, for the snow had frozen everything in its path including the poor boy’s heart. Quite literally, not figuratively. 

Renjun’s biological mother had journeyed through the cold town to the house up the steeple. Rumors say, the quote unquote ‘witch’ of the town, who specialized in the medical department with her own unique ways that left doctors skeptical and poor. From what his caretaker had told him, she was holding her belly throughout the long journey as she tried her best to endure the cold without slipping on the frozen concrete. Muttering how if she could, she would’ve kept her child in her tummy safe and sound from the cruel world. 

How she slipped and fell unconscious in front of his current caretaker’s house with her tears frozen on top of her cold cheeks, how she was brought in and taken in just in time to warm up to gain consciousness and go through the birth process. He remembered being told how the moment he was born, he had to undergo intense surgery immediately for he almost didn’t survive. He remembered being told that his heart had turned cold. 

“Cold, not Gold, Renjun. A heart made of ice. As in cubes not cream,” as his caretaker would say. 

Since donors weren't available at the time as it was already way past midnight, he needed surgery before his heart stopped beating under the hard exterior of the ice growing around his heart. Luckily for him, Madame Wendy had improvised one with her excellent expertise. She built a small clock the size of her palm that nearly covered his whole chest at the time. Considering she was known for being a witch in town, (even though she tried to explain a countless amount of times that she was a mere mechanic with a medical degree) she miraculously provided him with a fragile heart made from scratch. 

However, the night of his birth was also the night his mother had decided to leave him with Madame Wendy, convinced that she would make a better mother for Renjun that she could ever have. It was quite a tragic tale. However, Renjun didn’t think much of it. Nor did he feel any sort of upsetting emotions like longing, curiosity and sadness. Why would he? He doesn’t even remember what his biological mother had looked like. He doesn’t know how to feel anymore other than the faux happiness his mother had taught him how to feel to ease the numbing feeling in his hollow, ticking heart held nothing but dust. 

A heart that was purely made out of strong wood, cogs and screws. One that makes soft, calming tick tocks that goes along with the soft pitter patters of rain drops with every beat, one that makes cuckoo’s every time it’s arrow struck 12. One that needs winding every single day with a golden key his caretaker had provided him ever since he was born. One with ironically three rules that he should always follow on a day to day basis. 

-

“Recite those rules once again, Renjun,” she ordered as she buttons up her adoptive child’s white shirt up to his neck. “Do I have to? I’ve been reciting this for years now,” Renjun would whine, looking down at his mother’s loving hands as she flicked her forehead softly with a face void of emotion. “It’s for your own good, Renjun. I can’t have you forgetting something this important, you know very well that your life depends on these three rules.” She tugged on the collar of her child’s shirt down. 

“Before I let you run off to town with me, I prefer that your heart would be much stronger,” she swiped her fingers through Renjun’s hair, swefting it to the side to make it neat. “Every beat of your heart is a minor miracle. You’re a fragile piece of work, far more fragile than glass,” the older woman explained, laying her hands on the boy’s shoulder with a grim expression. “I know,” Renjun replied with a sigh, shrugging his shoulders to release tension in his body. 

He sighed again, the young boy looked up at the ceiling to avoid his mother’s cold stare. “Firstly, never touch the hands of my heart,” he began, letting out an annoyed sigh as he felt his mother tucking his small key into the pocket sewed on his chest. “Yes, what else?” Madame Wendy asked, kneeling down to look at the child in the eye. “Keep your temper under control,” they recited in unison with the same emotionless tone. 

“And the last one?” 

“Whatever I do, I must never ever fall in love.” 

“Indeed, that’s why I’m so scared of letting you into town. You haven’t experienced love yet so far in your life, it is very important that you stay that way,” she said, standing up on her feet as her hand returned to Renjun’s shoulder. “I know,” he mumbled once again, looking up at his caretaker’s eyes as if to hide the fact that he wasn’t listening a total hundred percent to what she was saying. “It could be the very death of you, Renjun. Your fragile heart won’t be able to stand the emotional, mental and physical shock provoked with the feeling of love,” she explained once again, a worried expression glossing over her face.

“I know, I know. You tell me that almost everyday,” he muttered, playing with the small buttons on the clock that is his own heart. “My heart is not a toy, therefore it is not to be played with.” he almost rolled his eyes at the older woman, feeling her smack his hand away from his heart softly. “It is something that I want you to take seriously, Renjun,” she hissed, eyeing the small mechanic artwork on the boy’s chest. “How can I even fall in love when I don’t know anything about love?” 

-

To Renjun, today was like any other day of the year. The sun shining brightly against his skin, the cloudy grey sky accenting the sky’s beauty. His hair gelled to the side to reveal some of his forehead and leaving a few strands of his hair to tickle his skin perfectly, his calloused hand gripping his 60 x 90 cm canvas and his large box of acrylic paints to his side, his favorite paintbrush hanging against the skin in between his ear and his fluffy short hair. 

Spinning one of his smaller paint brushes in his free hand, right between his fingers as he walked down the sidewalk of his home town, trying to find a spot to sit and paint. It was his birthday recently, so his mother had delightfully just bought a fresh new set of acrylic paints, considering he finished them on his last painting which was the majestic dove fountain in the middle of the town less than a month ago. 

Renjun was only ten years old when his caretaker took him out to wander around town, which was on his birthday. It was then when Renjun was hitting the age of thirteen when his caretaker’s worry lessened when she saw that her child was nowhere to the point of Cupid’s next target. Therefore those annual town visits turned into monthly visits (under his caretaker’s supervision, of course) and when Renjun had turned thirteen years old, he had shown an interest in painting and drawing in his free time while Madame Wendy was working with a patient.

However, love can strike at any moment. And by the time Renjun became sixteen years old, he was finally allowed to venture into the town himself to paint landscapes and buy more art supplies at least once a week with a 5-6 PM curfew. Nothing more, nothing less. Cupid was cunning, therefore she believed that this was the best she could do. Considering he was a teenager, she couldn’t protect him as easily as she could back when he was still an infant. And that was what she had feared the most in her life. 

Renjun sighed heavily, looking around with emotionless eyes, a cold frown forming upon his lips as he leaned his chin on his palm, his elbow supporting on his thigh and his other free hand holding the canvas on top of his legs. He wondered if there was more to life than work and oil paints, eyes wandering on the busy streets filled with the latest carriages and the latest transportation vehicles. He felt as if his life had gone by boring and aimless without knowing how to express his emotions properly. Is this what life has come to in his 16 years of living? 

16 years of being almost completely isolated from this town without knowing what his caretaker was so worried about. Madam Wendy had absolutely nothing to be worried about. Renjun had witnessed love from time to time in the streets, watching a couple of different genders walking down the streets with loving expressions on their faces. Renjun could not decipher why you would be feeling such emotions. He had been venturing around town freely with his strict curfews for almost four months now. And all he’s done so far is wander around looking for something interesting to be his next muse or visit the local library to read books. 

One of the books Renjun was absolutely fascinated on reading was this book the librarian had recommended to him on his first visit, ‘The Great Expectations’ by Charles Dickens. It was a small story of a young boy named Pip who went through amazing life changing experiences and going through hardships with his rather abusive sister, his blacksmith mentor and falling in love as well with a girl named Estella. (He would always snicker whenever she comes up in a scene as her adoptive parent, Ms Havisham, ironically reminded him too much of Madam Wendy) 

He often wondered if Madam Wendy’s strong dislike towards the aspects of love was merely because of his fragile condition or was it because of something deeper? However, looking back at when he found his caretaker’s family albums which were mainly pictures of her winning awards and bragging about her medical degree, he highly doubts it. (It was still fun to imagine theories while it lasted, though!)

“Ms Havisham stares at Pip coldly, and murmurs to the girl at her side: ‘Break his heart, Estella. Break his heart!’” Renjun read, his eyes moving as he read the brief summary at the back of his book. Looking down at the cuckoo clock heart hidden under his cardigan, he clicked his tongue before chuckling bitterly to himself. “‘Break his heart’, huh? What utter bonkers, you can’t break someone’s heart. That isn’t physically possible,” he shook his head in amusement, placing his book on top of the box of acrylic paints beside him.

Just as he was about to leave and head back home, a peculiar merry tune reached his ears, causing Renjun to pause in his step, looking around to find the source with furrowed brows. If this was like those small street cat sketches he would draw in his free time, it would seem like his ears perked up in slight interest. The merry tune turned on a bright spark inside of the young boy’s chest, curiosity growing in his veins at the tune he has never heard before. It was as if the angels above had descended to the earth while playing a symphony of flutes and harmonicas, making soft high pitched catchy tunes in the air. 

Renjun felt entranced by the music, it was almost as if it was pulling him- beckoning him to come towards it, towards its source. It was as if his feet had a mind of his own as he fought with his own rational thoughts to either go back home or find the source of the beautiful merry tune. He couldn't help but walk to where it's coming from, curious of who was making such a wonderful tune. Sooner than later, he found himself walking down a small alley that led him into a steep staircase that led him to another part of his town. And with every step he took, the music grew louder and louder. Soon, finding light at the end to see the small part of town he rarely visits.

He put his palm on the dirty brick wall, ignoring the uncomfortable texture against his skin, head poking out as he tried to decipher where the majestic music was coming from. Squinting his eyes to adjust to the bright sunlight for the staircase was dim enough to be mistaken for a tunnel with the broken rooftops covering the ceiling, he took a step forward. His eyes widening slightly in awe as he watched a young man his age push away a stack of crates to reveal the true source of music. 

A young girl, who Renjun figures is around his age, was cranking up a barrel organ right in front of the fountain. A hand going in circular motions on the crank, twisting the lever as she pulls it clockwise. The hand on her hip was soon placed on her chest when the music went on, clearing her throat softly as she began to sing along and harmonize with the melody. 

Renjun stood still in his place, baffled at the daunting beauty presented before him. The girl standing a few meters away from him was singing along merrily to the tune of the phonograph record, cranking up the lever as the other townsfolk that was walking by began to gather around her, enjoying the harmony that goes along with her soothing voice and symphony of flutes and harmonicas being produced by the portable barrel organ. 

As he sat down on the last step of the staircase to listen from afar, he couldn't help but pay close attention to the lyrics coming out of her lips. His paintbrush spinning in between his fingers as his mind focused on the words of the intro, smiling idly as he began to understand the words she was trying to convey. 

My vision's not quite right

But glasses make me look a sight

Enough to give the world a fright, like a sprite wearing specs

Renjun couldn't help but tilt his head in confusion. 'A sprite wearing specs? What the hell was that supposed to mean?' he pondered to himself as he found himself sitting at the last step of the staircase, leaning his white canvas against the dusty brick walls before putting his palm against his cheek, his elbow supported right above his knees as he gazed in awe at the little singer. 

His pupils never moved away from the young girl who began to twirl around with her hands on her hips. And that girl was you. He watched as you danced and sang as if you were in your own little world, almost clumsily bumping into an old man carrying two heavy wooden crates in his arms. He chuckled at the sight, a soft smile stretching across his face as he watched the girl apologize for almost bumping into him, making Renjun realise that she might have some sort of blurred vision with how she was squinting at the older man. 

‘Or she might just be an idiot,’ Renjun thought with a deadpan expression, laying his chin on his hand as he let out a soft sigh. Renjun had been living in this town all his life, despite the fact that he rarely goes out of his own home. He’s sure that no one in this town would blast such a merry tune so shamelessly in public while dancing and singing around like a fool expressing themselves. And it was quite rare for someone to walk around with a barrel organ out of nowhere.

The music stopped midway when you let out a small yelp and clumsily tripped over your own feet as you turned to your barrel organ when the lever stopped turning, eliciting a soft giggle from Renjun. You let out a soft grunt, huffing as you ignored the slightly concerned looks of your audience. You stood up quickly, hands coming up to brush off the dust and debris off your skirt, tugging on your suspenders as you attempted to ignore the embarrassed red tint on your own cheeks as you tried to play it off as cool. 

Renjun couldn't help but giggle at the sight, his cold emotionless expression morphing into one filled with the slightest bit of amusement. Though, it quite took Renjun aback when he saw you turn your head from your barrel organ to his figure sitting a few meters away from where you were standing, turning your head rapidly to find the source, raising a brow when your eyes met Renjun's. He stopped laughing when your eyes met briefly, eyes widening in shock as he began to fidget in his place as you began to waddle over to him, dragging your barrel organ with you. 

Wait, were you going over to talk to him? How did you even acknowledge his existence? Did you hear him snicker at your silly antics? Even if you did, how could you even hear him with how busy your surroundings were?

You stood before him with hands on your hips, lips pursed at him. "What were you laughing at?" you asked, a slight pout adorning on your lips as you looked down at the boy who raised his brow. Renjun felt his words pile up in his throat, trying to think of something to say without offending or upsetting the girl before him, as his Seulgi and Irene (his caretaker’s weekly patients) had always told him that ‘once you anger a feisty lady, there’s no turning back!’. 

Now that you were standing only a few inches away from him, he couldn’t help but take a small moment to observe your appearance more clearly. Renjun's eyes couldn't help but wander towards your figure, examining your facial features in full detail. The way the sunlight reflected upon your pupils, how your figure stood out that he could barely decipher that other people were present around them. The way your dress framed your body, lips pursed with a slight pout, eyelids fluttering softly as you blinked at him as you were waiting for a response. Renjun wondered how someone could look this entrancing.

"Hello? Are you listening to me?!"

Renjun blinked, snapping out of his thoughts. His mouth opening as his pupils went back up to catch the intense glare that the girl in front of him was sending. He closed his mouth when he realized he didn't know what to say in response, his mind turning blank when he saw you quirked one of your eyebrows up suspiciously. "I don't- How can you even hear me laugh from such a distance?" Renjun's voice faltered nervously, trying to avoid your question, furrowing his brows.

Your expression lightened slightly at the nervous boy, a bright smile of your own stretching across her face. "Out of all of my five senses, my hearing has always been the best considering I don't rely much on my eyes," you shrugged, sitting beside him on the last step of the stairs. Stretching your legs out as you used your palms to smoothen your dress before crossing your arms on your thighs and turning your head to look at the boy. "I saw you staring at me from a distance, was I that good?" you smirked, raising a brow. 

“You saw me? I thought you said you can’t rely on your eyes that much?” he asked in a weak attempt to dodge your question once again. “I lied, some lady told me that you were staring at me even after this old thing gave up on me,” you huffed, kicking your foot lightly at the old barrel organ in front of you. “Stop dodging my question. I don’t want to assume that you were stalking me or something,” you turned your head back to the boy, pointing an accusatory finger at him, wiggling the finger in front of his face teasingly.

Renjun bit the inside of his cheek, a scowl forming on his lips as he rolled his eyes. "Don't get too cocky, I was just perplexed. I was baffled to see someone playing such a merry tune so shamelessly in this lousy, depressing town," he responded with a click of his tongue. "How so?" you asked, tilting your head in confusion at the boy before looking around at your surroundings. “This town doesn’t look that depressing to me. Just needed some lighting up, that’s all,” your positivity elicited another scoff from the boy.

Renjun turned to you, brows furrowed slightly, confused as to how you couldn’t see how this town was the literal epitome of the Great Depression itself. "You're not from here, are you? Come to think of it, I've never seen you around here before." Renjun asked with a curious expression, watching as a cheeky grin formed across your face. "You got me there." You let out a soft chuckle, shrugging shamelessly before gazing up at the cloudy grey sky. 

"My parents and I just moved in today. They told me to run off and go dilly dally-ing around town so as to not bother them as they set up the whole place,” you explained, nodding towards your barrel organ. “I think I made a great first impression as the new lady in town, don’t you think?” you asked, giving him a sweet smile, ignoring how Renjun gave you an affirming shake of his head to say ‘no’ bluntly. “Well I definitely knocked your socks off, didn’t I? That’s enough for me!” you exclaimed brightly, clasping your hands together. 

“You don’t even know me. I don’t even know you. And how would you know if I was moved by your oh-so-stupendous actions?” Renjun rolled his eyes sarcastically, gripping his canvas tightly as he spoke, looking down at his shoes. He had never spoken to someone his age before without being forced by his caretaker or having to meet them for the first time at Madam Wendy’s home. It was quite new for him to be talking to a lady as well, for most of them were too shy to even talk to the young lad for his cold glare struck shivers down their spine.

“The sound of your laugh was enough to convince me that my actions were indeed stupendous, good sir!” you shot back confidently, a proud smile on your face as you placed your hands on your knees. “Oh bother,” he muttered under his breath, rolling his eyes once again at you, ignoring how the confusion he felt when the cogs and gears of his heart were speeding up in action. “I’m Y/n, by the way! It’s good to know I made a friend on my first day in Edinburgh. Perhaps my mini shameless performance wasn’t entirely fruitless!” you reached your hand out, gesturing for him to shake it.

Renjun looked at your hand for a brief moment, pupils gazing back up at your happy expression, raising a brow at you before sighing heavily. He pulled his hand from his canvas before leaning over to shake your hand gently, “Renjun. Huang Renjun,” he introduced, his tone emotionless. Your hand was warm and soft unlike his own dry ones. Your hand had small specks of dust, which he assumed were from the dusty lever of the barrel organ while his own was covered with dry acrylic paint from his previously wet canvas.

Upon the warm feeling surging through his body at the touch, he felt the tiny mechanical bird inside of his cuckoo clock heart burst out from his clock in response when his skin touched yours, the sharp wooden beak hitting the fabric of his jacket alarmingly. Thus making a small, almost inaudible ‘cuckoo’ that only Renjun (fortunately) heard.

"It’s lovely to be your acquaintance, Huang Renjun. Though, I must warn you, I might not be here for long. My family has been travelling from town to town for years, searching for something.” You told him, pulling your hand back to your side with a small shrug. “Searching? Searching for what exactly?” Renjun asked, watching your expression turned unreadable. You shrugged, leaning your cheek against your palm, your elbow supporting on your leg. “That’s the thing! I’m not quite sure, they won’t tell me.”

“A treasure chest, perhaps?” Renjun suggested, putting a hand on his chin in thought. “Perhaps so. Though, I’m searching for something myself, as well.  I haven't found it yet and I doubt I'm going to find it here." you sighed simply, leaning your head up to gaze at the cloudy sky. Eyes watching as the sun was barely visible due to the thick grey clouds layering over it, signalling that it might rain soon. 

"Well, what are you searching for exactly? Treasure? Money? Wealth is considered as a greedy sin in this town, so I don't think this is some place where you can find those." Renjun hummed, his hand going back to gripping his canvas as he felt the cogs and gears in his heart working faster than usual. Hell, he didn't know why he was so curious about this. This was none of his business, after all. This was your problem, why was he so keen on keeping the conversation going? Why was he so intrigued in a young foreign singer his age he’s just met?

You shook your head, sucking your lips into your mouth before pulling your bottom lip out in a pout. "I’m not a fool, Renjun. I'm not really interested in wealth or fortune. Though, telling you about my life goal appears to be too intimate for us, don’t you think? We just met after all. So all that I can say at the moment that what I’m searching for is for me to know and for you to find out," you send him a teasing smile, causing Renjun to frown and roll his eyes in annoyance, leaning back slightly before sending you a deadpan expression, 

"Does your extravagant search involve spectacles? You might look like you might need them, I know someone that could handle that," he mused, his lips quirking up into a teasing smirk, causing a frown to display on your face. A dead panned expression morphing on to your facial features. "I may have really terrible eyesight, but that isn't a way to talk to a lady, Renjun." you pressed your lips on to a thin line, rolling your eyes at the boy as you let out a soft laugh with a shake of your head. 

"Besides, I look terrible in them. As I said in my song, which I'm sure like all the other folks in this world that doesn't pay attention to the message I was trying to convey in my lyrics, it-"

"It makes quite a sight, enough to give the world a fright like a sprite wearing specs?"

You furrowed your brows as Renjun let out a sheepish smile with a raise of his eyebrow, teasing you as a baffled expression laid upon your features at his words. "You were saying, Y/n?" he mused, waving his hand, gesturing for you to continue with your words. Watching as your baffled expression morphed into an amused one. “Oh, that was quite charming of you, Huang,” you shot back with a flirty grin, causing the ticking of his heart to quicken against his chest, sending him small jolts of pain which he attempted to conceal with small chuckles.

"I’m surprised you were paying attention to my lyrics instead of enjoying my song like a normal human being," you huffed, pushing his face away with your palm against the side of his face, eliciting a small laugh from the boy beside you. "You really shouldn't play games with your sight though. They say a blurry vision will leave you in the dark," Renjun recited, remembering the words his caretaker had always said to him about the patients who come in their quarters using spectacles or glasses. 

You shrugged innocently. "I prefer life all a blur than to look horrendous for a living. You and your pretty face wouldn't understand. Also, I tend to forget my glasses frequently despite the fact that my parents’ constant nagging to bring them around," you , causing Renjun's jaw to drop at your bold statement. He has heard compliments about his dashing looks ever since he was a young boy from Madam Wendy’s relatives but ‘pretty’ wasn’t one of them, he should’ve brushed the compliment off and focus on the context of your words and stop acting as if he hadn’t been complimented before.

But however, something about this felt peculiarly different than the times where his family complimented him on his charming looks.

"Pretty? I haven’t heard that one before," Renjun spoke rather hesitantly, still quite bewildered that a woman his age had shamelessly complimented on his looks to his face. Yet again, said woman has a terrible eyesight so he couldn't be too sure that it was a compliment. You laughed, bumping your shoulder against his softly. "That’s the only thing you got out of my words? Are you an insecure lad, Huang?" you chuckled, giving him a slightly sheepish smile. “Are you sure you don’t need spectacles?” Renjun snapped back. 

"I’m just pushing your buttons! I assure you that even without my glasses. I can confirm that you are quite an attractive young man, and that’s saying something considering I’ve been travelling here and there for most of my life. I'm not as blind as a bat, you know." you giggled, clicking your tongue before adding on. "Besides, it won't make much of a difference, really. Even with or without glasses, I still see a very pretty boy," you joked, laughing lightly.

“Out of all the compliments you could’ve chosen, you decided upon the word ‘pretty’? Sounds quite feminine, don’t you think?” he asked, leaning his head to the side, looking at you with half lidded eyes. He realised that he didn’t mind being called pretty, he didn’t mind being complimented by you. Despite the fact that you two had just met. But he couldn’t help but wonder why you had decided to choose ‘pretty’ instead of the other synonyms of ‘attractive’. 

“Is that supposed to be a bad thing? I think pretty can be used for anything. It’s just a word after all, why do things have to be differentiated by the littlest of things? It’s just a synonym of ‘beautiful’,” you shrugged, watching as small raindrops started to pour down from the cloudy grey sky, reaching your hand out to feel the water drops hitting and wetting your skin slowly. Renjun raised his brow at you, perplexed at how you could be so nonchalant about your terrible eyesight considering his caretaker would endlessly bicker until he was forced to use spectacles until his eyes magically got better.

"What's that odd pitter patter?" you mumbled, snapping Renjun out of his thoughts once again. His eyes widened when he realised that the sound of his clock heart ticking had increased, blending well with the sound of the rain as water began to hit the surface of the concrete. He wasn’t supposed to tell anyone other than close relatives about his fragile condition, so his anxiety spiked when you turned to look at him, expecting an answer. "It's the rain." Renjun replied after a moment, gulping down his nerves before turning to you. 

"Do you like the rain?" Renjun asked, gulping afterwards when he realised how your eyes softly bore into his with an unreadable expression, the eye contact making Renjun’s clock heart steam up a bit as the gears worked even faster than before. Sighing as you felt the cold breeze that comes with the rain send goosebumps across your skin, you rubbed your arms before looking back to the pouring rain. You shook your head, "getting wet? Not really."

"But the sound it makes? Yes. It always reminded me of how I used to play in the rain back when I was still in elementary school," you nodded with a soft smile. 

The sound of the church bell pierced your ears, making Renjun’s eyes go wide when he realised that the clock had struck 6 pm. Quickly, he got up to his feet, his brushes almost slipping out of his fingers as he stumbled to get onto his feet. “Are you okay?” you asked, looking up at him in confusion, furrowing your brows at the boy as he gulped nervously. “I’m fine, I shouldn’t be out this late,” Renjun shook his head, biting his lip nervously when he realized that the rain wasn’t going to halt anytime soon.

“I don’t think the rain is stopping anytime soon, I suggest you wait here momentarily if you don’t want to catch a cold,” you commented, standing up as well as you stretched your hand out once again to feel the raindrops hitting your palm, smiling softly at the nostalgic feeling that came with it. He clicked his tongue, cursing at himself for letting his curiosity get the best of him as he contemplated on running all the way back home soaking wet. He wouldn’t want to lose his new found freedom.

Muttering a small curse under his breath, he stuck his book under his canvas before hovering it over his head. “Are you going to run? It’s raining cats and dogs out there,” you exclaimed, eyes growing wide when you turned your head to see him taking a deep breath. “Pardon me, unlike you, I have curfews. My caretaker would have my head if I don’t go back home soon,” Renjun deadpanned, rolling his sleeves out as he felt shivers down his spine when the cold wind blew against his skin. 

Right before Renjun was about to take a step into the pouring rain, you grabbed on the sleeve of his shirt, holding him back. “Wait, when can we see each other again?” you asked, eyes boring holes into the back of his head. He paused, his cuckoo clock heart ticking loudly against his chest at the small action. He slowly turned back to you, furrowing his brows as he felt the small machine heat up against his skin, causing him to wince slightly. Noticing his small reaction, you quickly dropped your hand, apologizing abruptly before clasping your hands before your hand. 

“It’s just- I haven’t been in this town for very long and I really need a friend beside me. I’m not quite fond of being alone. I know we just met, but I hope that we could be acquaintances at least?” you grinned up, your bright smile sending ominous effects to his heart as he took a moment to process your words. Renjun started at your bright expression, small steam coming out continuously from his mechanical heart as the seconds went by. His eyes dart from the rain before back to your figure standing right in front of him, waiting for his answer. 

‘Acquaintances?’ 

Renjun has never had friends before. His caretaker would introduce him to her client’s children from time to time but (luckily for Madame Wendy) he had never shown an interest in making colleagues.  But for some reason, something inside him was pulling him to say yes to you. Something inside of him wanted him to try and get to know you even more. It felt wrong. It felt very wrong. But yet again, it felt so right. 

Biting his lip, he gave you a soft smile. 

“I have faith that we’ll be seeing each other again very soon.”

-

“I just think it’s quite preposterous!” you exclaimed as you laid down against the smooth surface of the fountain basin. Renjun chuckled, pressing his paintbrush gently against his wooden palette to get bits of his white paint to add more details to his painting. 

It's been a couple months since the day you met, and since then, you two have been growing closer by the day. Your friendship blossomed as the weeks went by. Madam Wendy wasn’t very fond when Renjun came home soaking wet after curfew, but she excused his actions when he told her that he just lost track of time at the library once again. A rare occurrence but it still happens from time to time, and considering Renjun barely lies to his caretaker, she believed him when he told her so.

Every once a week, the two of you would meet up on the same exact spot as the day you first laid eyes on each other. Renjun assumed that your house was closer considering you were always there first, twisting the crank of your barrel organ, kicking your feet as you sat on the fountain base to wait for him to arrive in your usual dark magenta dress (which he assumed to be the uniform of the school you were attending). The two of you would always walk around town, searching for spots to relax yourselves and talk about random things as you watch Renjun paint whatever that catches his eye. Overall enjoying each other’s company as if the two of you were in your own personal little bubble. 

“What’s so preposterous about the infamous Romeo and Juliet, exactly?” Renjun asked, chuckling as he dabbed the brush on the canvas, blending the colours of the sky on his artwork. You clasped your hands together, huffing as you scoffed at him. “Ever since my school made us all read Romeo and Juliet for the next literature exam, I just realise how horrible this trope is,” you tossed your book to the floor with a click of your tongue, hopping off of the fountain to walk closer to Renjun. 

“Do explain why you think so,” Renjun giggled, watching you dip your finger against the white paint on his palette and kneeling down to smear it against the title on the front cover of your book with a frown on your face. “Why are the females always quote unquote ‘damsels in distress’? It’s very misogynistic if you ask me!” you tsked, grabbing your book and leaning forward to show Renjun the front cover of the book. “Mister Shakespeare was truly a legendary fellow to create a piece of writing this famous, but why use poor unsuspecting 14 year old Romeo and Juliet as the female protagonist?” you complained.

“Why couldn’t it be ‘Romeo romeo, let down your hair!’ instead of ‘romeo romeo, where art thou?” It seems a bit more fair to me,” you joked, causing Renjun to furrow his brows at you. “It might be quite improper for a boy to have tremendously long hair, y/n,” he had to lay the back of his hand against his chest in an attempt to calm down his mechanic heart, feeling it heat up against his skin as he noticed how close the proximity between you were. You scoffed at the boy before you, standing up straight and letting the book hand in between your fingers.

Putting your hands on your hips, you walked in front of him, covering his view of the town. “Well it doesn’t give Mister Shakespeare a reason to give the story an unhappy ending. The despair it brings when you found out they both died in the end? Absolutely preposterous, why would anyone like books with such unhappy endings?” you added on, poking your book with a scrunched up expression, bringing a smile upon Renjun’s lips as he found your figure poking the book in your hands as endearing as watching an small innocent child playing with their own food. 

He sucked in his lip, taking a moment to admire your beautiful form. The gears in his mechanical clock worked faster as his eyes wandered to your slightly pouting soft lips, wondering how soft it would feel against his own. He cleared his throat when he felt a sharp pain scorching through his chest when he realised he was starting to imagine things, patting his chest softly as he tried to bite back a smile. 

“Maybe you just haven’t read true masterpieces,” Renjun responded after a pregnant pause, opening his little bag and pulling out the novel he’s been obsessed with for the past few months, placing it in your palms. “Read this, you can thank me later,” Renjun smiled, patting the book in your hands with a light chuckle, looking up into your eyes for a brief moment before looking back at his canvas. For he feared that if he stared into them any longer, he would simply get lost in your eyes for ages, wincing silently when his chest started to ache. 

“‘The Great Expectations’? This sounds like those tedious books my parents keep on their shelf,” you raised your brow, sitting down on the fountain again as you began to observe the book in your palms, squinting your eyes at the summary written at the back cover of the book. “‘Break his heart, Estella! Break his heart!’ That sounds so cruel of her to break an innocent boy’s heart,” you frowned, looking up at your friend with the adorable frown Renjun came to endear. 

Renjun laughed, shrugging simply as he went back to painting. His fingers twitching against the brush as he coloured white clouds on his piece, feeling your eyes curiously on his content form. “You didn’t want the female protagonist to be the damsel in distress, did you? I just simply gave you what you asked for,” Renjun shrugged, feeling his heart do somersaults as you let out a loud huff of breath, scooching closer towards him so you can begin reading the book. “I suppose so,” you muttered under your breath. 

“Do you carry books like this around with you as you paint or are you a magician who can pull out rabbits out of that bag of yours as well?” you asked jokingly, pulling the cover open and flipping to the first page. “I-Wait hold on, a magician as well?” he furrowed his brows at you, turning his head towards you and leaning his head to the side in confusion. You shot your head up, giving him a bright expression as you nodded eagerly. 

“You might have half of the town convinced that you’re some cold hearted teenager living with the ‘witch’ or the makeshift doctor, as you would like to say, but you can’t fool me, mister! We may have known each other for less than a few months but I know for a fact that you are a magician!” you pointed an accusatory finger at him, wiggling your index finger around, your fingertip hovering right above his nose before poking it with a small ‘boop; coming from your mouth. 

He furrowed his brows, gently pushing your hand away from his face with a raised brow. “Do you mind explaining why you have come to that conclusion?” Renjun asked, an amused expression spreading across his features as he dropped his brush into the cup of water set right beside him before crossing his arms against his chest and leaning back slightly. You grinned, “you’re one of the few people I’ve ever known who can paint so majestically. Have you seen your own paintings, Mister Huang Renjun?” you exclaimed, giving him a wide smile as you threw your arms up in the air. 

He chuckled, adjusting the beret on top of his head. “You don’t know many people, y/n,” he commented with a small smirk on his lips. “Let me finish before I usurp you, Huang,” you frowned, furrowing your brows and squinting your eyes threateningly at him. “I doubt that you even know what usurped means,” Renjun chuckled, shaking his head profusely at you. “Don’t doubt my low vocabulary, Renjun,” you crossed your hands, letting his book lay on your lap as he let out a soft laugh. 

“Alright, what are you going to usurp me from exactly?” he asked smugly, raising a brow at you. “That’s not the point of this conversation, what I’m saying is that you and your aesthetically pleasing art skills are magical!” you shot back in a snappy tone, avoiding the fact that you used a word that you don’t entirely know the meaning of. (considering you only heard it from your mother when she was talking to someone on the phone every morning whenever your father was off at work)  

He swore he could feel the ticking of his tock stop for a few seconds at your words. “Pardon?” he spluttered, putting his hand on his chest once again as he felt the gears in his cuckoo clock turn rapidly against his chest. “The way you carefully apply to each and every detail on every crevice of your canvas is like magic, the way you know how much paint you should apply to get just the right colours and the way you focus on shading or blending the paints together to achieve the small shadows or to adjust the lighting of the painting is just-” 

You paused before letting out a loud groan, “superb! I can’t even find the words on how to explain your magical abilities, the simplest way I can put it in my own way is that you are equivalent to a magician!” you waved your hands around at the canvas in front of the two of you, your eyes going wide in awe as you stared at the half finished piece as if it was the first time you had seen a rare jewel in person. 

Renjun’s jaw dropped as he couldn’t find the words to express how flustered he felt. However, the way his cuckoo clock began to steam up was another completely different thing. He couldn’t help but look down shy at his own paint stained hands, wondering how you could find awe in something as messy as his artwork. “And it is an absolute crime knowing that you aren’t some kind of world wide painter, your paintings are absolutely beautiful!” you exclaimed, smiling up at him as Renjun stared wordlessly into your eyes. 

He couldn’t help but notice how close you have gotten when you began on your unceremonious ramble about his art skills, he couldn’t stop his eyes from darting up your eyes and down to your plump lips. Gulping silently, he scooched back a little bit, gripping the sleeves of his button up shirt tightly as he tried to take the ticking of his heart against his ears, a fuzzy feeling overcoming the slight jolting pain in his chest as he did so.

He watched your eyes go wide at his actions, realizing that you moved too far. “Oh crumbs!” you exclaimed, taking a large step back as you realised the close proximity between you attracted attention from the people around you, eyes watching you like a hawk. Some held disgust to see two teenagers of the opposite gender oh-so-close to each other as if they were going to share a sweet kiss. Some held awe in them, adoring the sight of the two flustered beings cozying up to each other like that. Some held shock as they had never seen the mysterious cold hearted boy who lived in the little house on the steeple that close to someone before.

“I’m so so sorry!” you rambled, feeling your chest swell up as you grew flustered by your own actions. “I didn’t mean to get over excited! It’s just that I was so happy to talk about your art knowing how you don’t think much of it but I just really adore your art and the way you paint- oh god that sounds very inappropriate of me to say. What I meant was-” your short nervous ramblings were cut off when you heard Renjun’s laughter filling your ears, the angelic sound sending warm feelings into your heart. 

“Pardon me for laughing, but that really caught me off guard,” he threw his head back laughing, his cheeks flushing red from laughing too much as he held his stomach, wiping his tears afterward. Your jaw dropped at his amused laughter, embarrassment overcoming your nerves as you huffed angrily at him. “You absolute jerk, I thought I did something wrong and invaded your personal space or made you uncomfortable!” you exclaimed, putting your hands on your hips angrily, only eliciting even more laughter from the sweet boy. 

“It’s really endearing that you find my art that interesting, you really did catch me off guard with your little outburst,” he chuckled, lifting his beret off of his head before running his free hand over his hair, putting the beret back on his head afterwards. You couldn’t deny how pretty he looked with that beret, but of course, you weren’t going to admit it (again) for the sake of your own pride. “I was just expressing my opinions like a normal person, you didn’t have to laugh at me like that, you know,” you crossed your arms against your chest. 

“I wasn’t laughing at your outburst, I can promise you that!” he exclaimed, shaking his head at you, ignoring the searing pain in his chest as he stared lovingly at you. You furrowed your brows, you couldn’t help but notice the slightly sad glint on his pupils, but you chose not to ask about it, focusing on the topic at hand. “Then what were you laughing at exactly, Huang Renjun?” you asked, furrowing your brows at the brown haired boy, who smiled sweetly at you. Leaning his chin against his palm, elbow supported on his thigh. 

“I couldn’t help but laugh at how sweet you looked while talking about the things I do in front of you as if I were moving the sun and moon with my own bare hands.”

-

“You know you have a lovely smile.”

Renjun looked up from his book in alarm, eyes wide at your sudden bluntness. “Excuse me?” he coughed, releasing one hand from the book cover to lay it against the rough surface of his clock heart hidden underneath his coat. “I really like your smile,” you gave him a tight lipped smile, putting the Great Expectations book on the desk you were sitting before laying your hands over the other, placing your chin on top of them before gazing up at him with an innocent shrug. “You’re being quite expressive today,” Renjun chuckled, looking at you with a perplexed expression, his brows furrowed as he kept his hand against his heart, suppressing the little bird inside from letting out a loud ‘cuckoo!’. 

“I don’t like to lie, you know that, Renjun,” you pouted, raising your head up to give him a knowing look. Sitting up straight, Renjun shot you a boyish smile, looking back down at his book. “Why, thank you. That’s quite flattering,” Renjun chuckled, burying his nose in his book in a futile attempt to hide how flustered he felt. Putting the back of his hand against his mouth, he coughed to clear his throat before removing his hand and putting it on his nape to scratch on it nervously. “How are you liking the book so far?”

Renjun cringed at the slight waver in his tone, biting back his tongue as he heard you let out a small hum. “So far, it’s pretty engrossing. It perfectly depicts the image of a young male protagonist losing his child-like innocence through heartbreak and hardship,” you clicked your tongue, folding the corner of the page you were reading before flipping through the other pages to see how many you have left to read. “A compelling coming of age story,” you nodded with a slight shrug. 

“Though, I still don’t understand why you recommended me this book,” you closed the book and placed it back down on the desk, furrowing your brows in curiosity. Renjun gave you a sheepish grin, shrugging as he went back to his own book before replying with a, “you’ll find out once you finish the book,” under his breath. You huffed in response, leaning your forehead against the hardcover of the book, letting out a dramatic sigh. He let out a silent smile, adjusting his glasses as he continued to read the last paragraph of his own book. 

Your eyes glared holes into his head as if he was going to tell you if you glared at him long enough, but you realised that he was back into his own little world now that he was fully immersed into the plot. Your eyes wandered back to the canvas on top of the desk right beside him, his set of acrylic paints and brushes gathered up into a small pile. He had just finished his latest painting of the statue of the founder of this boring town, his artwork never failed to awe you. 

“When I finally manage to finish the book, will you give me one of your artworks free of charge?” you piped up, outstretching your hand as you poked the canvas, trying to pull the large object towards you with a single fingertip in futility. Ever since you started spending your time watching Renjun paint while he listened to you rambling, you had often asked him to draw something for you for free. In which he would always reply with a brief ‘buy your own, acrylics are immensely expensive.’ before rolling his eyes and going back to painting. 

He wasn’t completely wrong. Madam Wendy always grumbled on how paint prices are constantly increasing as time goes on. And whenever Renjun would make a quick trip to the art store just to buy another bottle of white paint, he would always suppress the urge to sigh heavily in front of the kind store owner who would grin innocently (despite the fact that they know full well that they were being absolute gooses for increasing the price as Renjun was going to buy their products nonetheless.)

However it came as a shock to the both of you when he muttered a small ‘fine’ under his breath. Eyes blowing wide as Renjun slowly looked up from his book and eerily turned to you, right before he could open his mouth to retract his words, you shot up to your feet. Catching the boy off guard as you leaned over to cover his mouth with your hands. “No! You are not taking that statement back!” you exclaimed, shaking your head aggressively as you gave him a wide mischievous smile. 

Renjun furrowed his brows, eyes glaring daggers at you to let him go despite the fact that his gears were turning at a rapid speed at the feeling of your skin against his lips. “I’m not letting go unless you say yes,” you mused in a melodious tone, earning a shake of his head in response as he continued to send you his typical cold stare.

Renjun always had a really mean resting face, his eyes always managed to send cold shivers down everyones’ spines. However, there was something comforting in the way he looked at you. A familiar warm feeling blooming in your chest whenever he turned his head to look at you, even though his eyes barely held any emotion, even though his small chuckles and laughs held no genuine happiness in them, you couldn’t help but let a fuzzy feeling grow inside of your stomach. It was exhilarating.

“Come on, you probably have billions of canvases somewhere in town. Giving one away to your dearest friend shouldn’t be a problem, should it?” you whined, still refusing to remove your hand from his lips. He was internally enjoying the close proximity between you, but as the seconds went on, he knew his clock heart was going to burst out of his chest if he didn’t do something. With a small curse in his mind, he pulled your hand away from his mouth. “I would if you paid me. But considering you are currently penniless, I have to politely decline,” Renjun snickered, giving you a disgusted expression as he felt the heat around his mouth disappear into thin air. 

You frowned, pursing your lips as you sat back down on your seat, crossing your arms over your chest. “How could you do this to your most beloved friend?” you mumbled under your breath, loud enough for him to hear as you kicked one of the legs of the table in front of you childishly. Renjun chuckled, “‘Beloved’ isn’t even a word I would use to describe your existence.” Now it was your turn to glare daggers into his skull. “You’re incredibly mean, it’s almost bonkers,” you scoffed. 

“I know,” he shrugged casually, pulling his chair back to stand up. “Now if you excuse me, I would like to wash up to remove whatever bacteria you have oh-so-unceremoniously blessed upon my skin,” he bowed, pushing the chair back in the table as he tugged on the cuffs of his coat, giving you a small grin. “My hands are squeaky clean, excuse me!” you retorted, putting a hand on your chest in faux offense. “Keep telling yourself that, Y/n,” he nodded, abruptly walking towards the washroom at the back of the library with a hand on his chest as the effects of his emotions finally took place inside his mechanical ticking heart. 

As soon as Renjun turned to a corner, out of your line of vision, his whole body started twitching in pain. With a shaky hand he pulled back his coat to reveal the state of his clock. The hands of his clock were turning at a rapid speed, the small bird popping out of the clock and letting out a small ‘cuckoo!’. It was steaming up. Smoke was coming out of the contraption as if it was caught on fire. He felt like his chest was on fire. Renjun leaned his back against the wall, shakily blowing the smoke away and fanning it away softly with his hand. 

What’s happening to him? 

This has never happened before. What was happening to him? Why was he in so much pain? Why couldn’t he call out for help? Why couldn’t he make any sound?

Renjun wanted to cry out in pain, his body twitched as the tiny mechanical bird popped out of his clock with a loud ‘cuckoo!’. He gasped, patting his hands around his pockets for the key to his mechanical heart. He could hear the alarming ticking sounds of his clock with every second that went by, warning him something’s going to happen if nothing is done to stop this pain as he twitched in pain once again, clutching the clock with one hand, he felt something inside the pocket of his shirt. With a small grunt of pain, he fished out the small golden key inside. 

He pulled his hand away from his clock, gasping for breath as the pain in his chest increased with every tick of his heart. He plunged the key into the small hole connecting the arrows of the clock, quickly turning it counter clockwise as the pain started to lessen. Once the pain subsided, he dropped his hand to his sides, panting in exhaustion as his eyes blew wide with fear, his gears were working at their usual pace once again. His chest felt numb, a small throbbing pain lingering somewhere inside of him. 

‘What the hell was that?’ 

His eyes were glossy as he felt his emotions overwhelm his mind. His heart felt like it was going through a spin, as if the big hand of his core was going to pop out of his skin. His bones felt weak, as if it was about to implode at any second. The cogs and springs in his clock felt like they were about to explode. 

The loud alarming ticking in his ears made him wonder if he didn’t pull out the key in time, would his cuckoo clock heart halt for good?

-

“I’ll be off now, Wendy,” Renjun announced as he hopped down the stairs eagerly, gripping his fresh, new, empty canvas to his sides with one hand and spinning one of his brushes in between the fingers of the other. “Oh, you seem in a bit of a hurry, Renjun,” a familiar voice cooed teasingly, her words followed by another giggle. Renjun paused in his step, mustering up the energy to form a small smile as he looked up at the two women giggling at him. “Good morning, Joy. Good morning, Yeri,” he greeted with a polite bow. 

Joy and Yeri weren’t related in any way to Madam Wendy, but they are regular patients who would drop by weekly. And as far as he knew, they were one of the very few people who knew about his fragile condition (which is probably why they visit so often). “You look brighter than usual, what’s gotten you in such a rush, young lad?” Yeri grinned, sipping on her tea as she crossed her leg over the other with raised eyebrows. 

“It’s just a small trip to town, I need to buy more acrylics as well,” Renjun lied through his teeth, feeling the gears in his heart work faster at the thought of meeting you at your usual spot. “You haven’t had breakfast yet, Renjun,” Wendy spoke up, attracting the attention of the three in the room with pancakes stacked on three individual plates. “Do sit down! It’s been quite a while since you had a chit chat with your lovely aunts!” Joy giggled, patting the extra seat beside her before looking at her friend, who nodded in agreement. 

“I really shouldn’t interrupt-” 

“Renjun, go sit down,” Madam Wendy coaxed, placing a hand on his shoulder and nodding towards the empty spot on the sofa. Renjun looked back at his caretaker before sighing heavily, placing his canvas and brushes on the table near the entrance door and walking to sit on the empty spot the women had saved for him. “I’ll be upstairs cleaning up, if you need me,” his caretaker informed before exiting the living room, leaving her adopted son with the other two women in the room. 

“Okay, she’s gone!” Yeri exclaimed in a rather quiet tone before grabbing her fork and looking back at the teenager sitting beside them. “So how are you, honey? I just realised we didn’t even get to greet you last week considering you’ve been so busy lately,” Yeri hummed, shoving a spoonful of pancakes into her mouth as she spared a glance at Renjun. “Indeed! I assume you found something interesting in your great adventure in the outside world,” Joy giggled with an enthusiastic nod, causing Renjun’s eyes to widen. 

Renjun let out a small chuckle. “You two make it sound as if I was a protagonist of some weird story,” he mused, digging into his own stack of pancakes as he felt a warm feeling in his stomach at the memory of the day you first met. “Don’t beat around the bush and tell us!” Joy rolled her eyes at the younger boy, grabbing her cup of tea and pulling it to her lips. “How was this great adventure you’ve discovered?” she asked, her eyes flickering from her tea to Renjun briefly. 

Renjun bit his lip, scanning the room to ensure that Madam Wendy was nowhere in sight. He knew he could trust these two, considering the countless times he’s gotten away with his lies and rants. He bit his lip, glancing down at his hands nervously before giving his aunts a genuine smile. “It was fabulous,” he sighed dreamily, a sheepishly wide smile stretching across his lips as he took another bashful bite of his pancakes. “Tell all! Tell all! Don’t miss any details!” Yeri squealed. 

“What made it all so fabulous?” Joy whispered, her eyes peering curiously at the boy who appeared to be in a dreamy state. “A little singer with glasses which she won’t wear,” he replied almost instantly without any hesitation, a little bit too fast for his liking. “She isn’t all that, is she?” Yeri gasped, leaning back slightly in shock to hear her little Renjun was talking about someone and not something. 

He shot up, straightening his back as he dropped his fork on his plate with a shake of his head. “She is! She really is!” Renjun nodded eagerly, his hands coming up to make grand gestures as he continued on with his words. “She reminds me of a… sparrow! Perched up on the toppest tree branch in it’s tiny little feet, it gives her this calming fragile aura like a twig falling off of a branch. Her voice- her singing is like listening to a nightingale singing a bird song but with words! Or those soothing musical numbers they would always play in the telly after a good show has ended,” Renjun described, his eyes filled with stars and his heart filled with passion. 

The two shared knowing looks, bewildered at how dazed the boy in front of them truly was at that moment. “And her smile it’s like a work of art! Far greater than all of my masterpieces combined, far greater than the artwork displayed on museums! Her laughter makes her seem so miniscule, I could hardly believe that such a light heartening sound could be elicited from a human being!” Renjun went on, his smile wide as he leaned back at the thought of your smile which made his stomach do somersaults. 

“Oh Renjun, I bet that once she catches the flu, you’ll change your mind. Whenever women like those who catch the flu, they cough up a storm and sneeze like a steam truck,” Yeri joked, earning a brief frown from Renjun who scoffed in response. “Oh nonsense! I bet if she does, it would sound like a majestic flute found in the mountains!” Renjun waved his hand off with a roll of his eyes in disbelief.

The two women laughed in response, shaking a knowing look. “So basically, to sum everything up. You went to town and instead of catching the flu, you caught a bug in town, you young lad!” Yeri raised her eyebrow suggestively at the boy, indicating that he’s very much caught the love-bug she’s always ranted about on a daily basis. “Oh deary!” Joy gasped before letting out another fit of giggles, cupping her mouth to ensure that her giggles weren’t loud enough for Madam Wendy to hear. 

“You know it’s forbidden,” Yeri lectured, her tone turning serious when she realised that Renjun was actually serious about this. “For-bid-den!” Joy emphasized with every wave of her finger with a disappointing shake of her head. “I know,” Renjun sighed, a frown forming at his lips as he sunk back against the seat he was sitting on, leaning his head back sadly. “It’s for your own good, you know,” Joy smiled sadly, sympathy lacing her tone as she patted the boy’s head comfortingly. 

“Indeed. Oh deary, I wish I could live without love,” Yeri sighed, pulling out a mirror from her purse to reapply her lipstick. “Oh no, here we go again,” Renjun chuckled, sitting up straight once again as he prepared himself for another sad tragic love story his aunt has to offer. “Every day, every time I fall in love with a patient here or a man, they would always fall for some other girl!” Yeri ranted with a heavy sigh, smacking her lips together to get an even coating on her lips. “I am not letting Renjun listen to another one of your sob stories!” Joy huffed, leaning over to cup Renjun’s ears with her palms. 

“You might taint the poor boy with your bad luck with love!” she exclaimed. “Isn’t my condition a symbol of this bad luck?” Renjun chuckled, gently tugging on the older woman's wrists to remove her palms away from his ear. “Oh hush you, I’m sure you’ll get over this little infatuation you have with this little singer,” Yeri waved her hand off nonchalantly, huffing slightly. “It’s not like you see her every day of the week, you’ll get over it in no time!” she added with an encouraging hum, watching as Joy nodded with her in agreement. 

Renjun bit his lip, biting back his tongue as he continued to shove pancakes into his mouth as quickly as possible. At that moment, Madam Wendy finally came down with a key in her hand. “Renjun, I’ve always told you to bring your key wherever you go. Why won’t you ever take my words to heart?” Wendy sighed, handing the key to his mechanic heart to the young boy, who gulped slightly and mumbled a small apology under his breath before tucking his key in his front pocket. 

He couldn’t help but shiver as the memory of him having a near death experience flashed through his mind, the image of the key plunging into his heart and winding it up to lessen the pain he endured had traumatized him. He was terrified of it happening again. He was terrified of what’s becoming of him. Was this the effects of falling in love? Was he falling in love with you? He hasn’t even known you for very long, he couldn’t possibly fall for you in such a short time.

Besides, why does falling in love feel so good but hurt so bad?

-

“So how was the book I lent you?” Renjun asked in an attempt to spark up a conversation. “Quite interesting, though, I’m not quite sure that I’ll finish it any time soon. I like to focus deep into the depths of the story, fully imagine the characters emotions and thoughts,” you exclaimed, pushing your organ barrel beside the tree Renjun was leaning against, sitting down beside him under the shade and crossing your legs, tugging the edges of your dress over your knees. You dusted the bits of dirt off of the fabric on your dress. 

“I understand, it’s the thought process, right?” Renjun nodded, flipping a page of his book as he hummed. “Indeed! Though, I can’t quite get the gist of why Ms Havisham is so devoted to making Estella break Pip’s heart. She should’ve just left the poor girl alone, besides, I really don’t want to see the poor boy heartbroken,” you frowned, clicking your tongue in thought. “I despise Pip’s sister, as well,” you added with an innocent smile. 

Renjun let out an amused chuckle. “Yeah, she’s a rather insufferable character, isn’t she?” he nodded in agreement, remembering how heartless Pip’s older sister was when it came to Pip and her own husband before she passed away in the book. “She’s exactly what my mother would consider as a bitch,” you added on, pulling your glasses out from your purse with a small giggle, earning a loud gasp from the boy beside you.  “Y/n, language!” he gasped, pulling his book back to gaze at you with wide eyes. 

You giggled, mumbling a small apology before fidgeting with the frames of your glasses mindlessly. Renjun watched you play with your glasses from the corner of his eye, internally wondering why you have never worn them despite carrying them around in your purse everywhere you go. Furrowing his brows, he turned his head back to his book, biting back his tongue before shaking his head at himself.

“You know, you really shouldn’t play games with your sight if it leaves you in the dark, y/n,” Renjun deadpan, not sparing you a glance as he licked the tip of his thumb to flip a page from his new book. You huffed at your friend, fidgeting with your new spectacles in between your fingers as you rolled your eyes at the boy beside you. “How poetic,” you scoffed, earning a soft chuckle from Renjun. “I think I prefer life all a blur, thank you very much,” you added on with a snappy tone. 

“What does that even mean?” Renjun laughed lightly, putting his book down on his lap to turn to you with a soft expression on his face. “I keep forgetting to wear my glasses and now my eyes are blurry, I can’t even see the outline of my hand,” you stated, raising your free hand up above to the sky and squinted your eyes at it in an attempt to get a clearer vision of your hand that was merely a few inches away from you. “Your glasses are literally in your palms,” Renjun pointed out, nodding his head at the hand holding the glasses in question. 

You opened your mouth to speak, slowly putting your glasses in your little handbag behind you before clearing your throat. “As I said before, I forgot to wear my glasses,” you repeated, giving him a cheshire grin in response. “Jesus Christ, why do I even bother?” Renjun muttered under his breath with a shake of his head, “won’t your vision get worse the lesser you wear them?” he asked once again, rubbing his temples in distress. 

Humming in confirmation, you shrugged innocently before leaning back against the tree the two of you were sitting against. “Though, I believe it won’t get worse as long as I close my eyes. My vision won’t get worse if I don’t see, right? Besides, it feels good to close my eyes,” just as you finished your words, you clasped your hands on your lap, leaning your head back against the tree bark and closing your eyes before letting out a sigh of content. Renjun let out an annoyed puff of breath, “I don’t think that’s how it works.” 

Your content expression was enough to send fiery sparks into his mechanical heart, he could almost feel it steaming up again. He couldn’t help but notice how close you were next to him, as if he were to make one little scooch, your shoulders would be touching. His eyes wandered to your beautiful figure laying right beside him, internally suppressing the urge to clasp you close to his body in a tight embrace. Your soft lips causing his stomach to do somersaults the longer his gaze lingers there. He imagines that he would scatter confettis on the both of you if he were to press his own lips against yours in a kiss. 

His mind couldn’t help but wander back to those times where you had to walk up close to the signs to see what street the two of you were heading, the amount of times you had to squint and lean over the table to read whatever paragraph he was trying to show you during your reading sessions at the library. He felt this sudden urge to protect you, to constantly remind you to wear your glasses in case your vision worsened. 

There was something inside of him screaming at him to not let you stray away from the happy path you were currently in. Something inside of him made him determined to be your only guide, to be your pair of eyes. In return, he knew you would ignite the flame in his heart. No, you would be the special flame that burns his heart. You’d be a conflagration in the night. A pretty arsonist. A fire blazing so bright you’ll see the light of the heavens itself. 

“Oh why bother. You know very well, out of my five senses, my hearings best. I’m pretty sure I’ll recognize you without relying on my eyes,” you waved your hand off carelessly, keeping your eyes closed, oblivious to the way Renjun was looking at you so lovingly. “Well I assure you, I don’t think you can rely on your hearing to walk down the streets without my assistance,” Renjun chuckled, recalling the time when you almost walked into the wrong side of town due to your poor eyesight. 

“You don’t know that! My eyes always lead me astray, anyways. Far away down the street, sometimes I can’t bear to steal a glance at the sun or even look the sky straight in the eye for fear that my eyes would deceive me as well,” you confessed dramatically, finally opening your eyes and turning your head to look at Renjun in the eye. Your eyes widened at the way Renjun’s eyes softened at the sight of your own pupils staring back at his in confusion. You straighten up your position, putting your hands behind you and leaning on them. 

“Then let me be your eyes,” Renjun replied in an almost hushed tone. “I won’t let you stray, I promise,” he gave you a sweet boyish smile, making your heart flutter in your chest at his words. “Aren’t you being a little flirtatious? That’s quite unexpected of you, Huang Renjun,” you said with a raise of your brows as the corner of your lips quirked up into a smile that mirrored his own. You turned your head, feeling your faces grow closer and closer with every second. 

“Is that supposed to be a bad thing?” he hummed, turning his body so his shoulder was leaning against the tree bark, a dreamy smile stretched across his lips as he leaned closer to you. You chuckled, shaking your head softly. “I don’t know, what do you think? Maybe it could be a good thing?” you shrugged, closing your eyes and leaning your face closer to his. Renjun followed your actions, feeling the gears in his mechanical heart work at a fast pace. He winced in pain as his body jolted and twitched in pain, the mechanical bird inside of the clock rapidly hitting the door of his clock.

He felt your breath hitting against his face, your lips merely an inch away from his as his body twitched in pain once again. Letting out a grunt of pain, he felt one of the gears of his clock pop out of his chest. Putting his hands on his chest, he grunted once again as his body twitched uncontrollably in pain. There was the sound of fabric being ripped before his vision darkened and he fell back against the concrete floor, falling unconscious within a few seconds.

“Renjun!” a voice yelled out in alarm, causing your eyes to jolt open in shock. 

“Oh god, not this. Please, anything but this,” an unfamiliar voice gasped in a panic. Your vision was blurry, you couldn’t see much happening in front of you. You quickly fished out your spectacles from your purse, putting them on immediately before your eyes widened in fear and shock, your body froze on the spot. You could almost feel your heart stop beating against your chest for a moment. 

Right in front of you was an unconscious Huang Renjun in the arms of an older lady on the floor. He was leaning against her lap, arms wrapped around him tightly in a motherly way. His eyes closed in content, it almost appeared as if he was just sleeping peacefully. There was steam coming out of his chest, you couldn’t see where it was coming from considering the old lady had blocked your view of him almost completely as she pleaded for him to wake up worriedly. 

The lady in question snapped her head at you, glaring daggers at you as if you had committed some sort of arson. “What have you done to him?” she asked, her tone filled with malice and hatred. As if you were the cause of Renjun’s current state. Your eyes widened at her sharp tone, fear and anxiety creeping up in your veins as you couldn’t find the courage to even open your mouth, let alone utter a single word. You shakily got up to your feet, grabbing the strap of your purse before running off away from the two.

-

Slap!

The loud sound of Madam Wendy’s palm making contact with Renjun’s cheek pierced the room, causing his head to turn sideways at the harsh impact, wincing slightly as he laid against the chair, which was commonly used for Wendy’s patients, shirtless. His body jolted at the sudden contact, his heart making a loud ‘cuckoo’ sound at the shock it caused. “What were you thinking? You could’ve died!” Madam Wendy scolded, her fists balled up in her sides as she walked over to her table tray filled with tools. 

Renjun couldn’t speak as he looked down in his palms, his mind blank and face void of emotion. He felt numb at that exact moment, he didn’t know if it was the aftermath of the sheering pain he just endured in front of you or it was because of the feeling of his heart being fixed by his own caretaker. “Don’t say I didn’t warn you, Huang Renjun. Whatever bloody happened to rule number 3? Did you forget?” Madam Wendy exclaimed in an alarming tone, her voice strict and angry. “No,” Renjun replied before breaking into a small fit of coughs, wincing as his chest burned with every breath he took. 

“Do you have a pain in your heart when you cough?” Madam Wendy asked, her tone filled with worry, eyes filled with disappointment as she searched for a pair of pliers. Renjun nodded slowly in response, gripping the armrests of the chair as he leaned his head back against the pillow set behind his head. “Well multiply that pain and your suffering to a hundred fold and you still won’t understand the pain love causes,” she snapped, using some pliers to pull a piece of fabric from the arrows of his heart, placing the fabric on the small tray beside him before walking off to grab some more tools. 

“And the greater the love, the greater the pain,” she sighed, opening the drawers from across the room. Renjun’s eyes flickered to the woman frantically trying to fix his heart before his eyes moved down to the white fabric on the tray. He reached his arm out to grab it, quickly snucking it in his pockets before looking back at the window. During your near-kiss under the tree, the arrows of his clock must’ve pulled against the fabric of your dress. Your dress wasn’t made out of the most durable fabric, the pull must’ve ripped the top sleeve of your dress when he passed out. 

“First, your sense of ache, followed by pangs of rage and jealousy then incomprehension,” she started to explain, sipping on her coffee as Wendy’s heart ached at the thought of her own child going through that much pain if this goes on.  “Rejection, the agony of heartbreak,” she turned to point her tweezers that was holding a gear in between it with a strict motherly expression. One that Renjun couldn’t bear looking into for too long.

“Your mechanical heart won’t be able to withstand it, you know this! I told you countless times, this is why I’m always so worried whenever I let you go into town,” she barked, walking back to the tools to drop the rusted gear along with the other broken metals she pulled out and replaced from his heart. “It will overheat and explode, I transplanted it with my own two hands, therefore I know it’s limits,” she went on, her tone falling deaf onto Renjun’s ears as his mind wandered back to your figure. 

“A single kiss. A brush against your lips could be your last! Just like that, bang!”

With eyes closed in thought, he wondered what happened after he fell unconscious, how did Madam Wendy find him in such a short amount of time? What happened to you? Did he scare you when he fell unconscious? He was worried you’ll  be afraid to talk to him now. Did Wendy say anything mean to you while he was out cold on the concrete floor?

Oh god, your presence isn’t even here and your existence is entering his heart and filling it with flames as if you were a little fairy wandering around looking for a new home to live in. A home which is his heart. He couldn’t help but let out a small smile at the vivid memory of sitting so close to you under the shade, how his skin burns at the feeling of touching yours, how your smile and laughter gave colour to his emotionless dark world. Oh how the thought of you made Renjun feel as if he was floating. It was as if you were carrying him up into the sky, he felt like flying by your side. 

“Do you know why I saved your life?” a voice snapped him out of his daydreaming.

His eyes opened, head turning to his caretaker who took a seat next to him, gripping her gloves in her hands. “You were the son I never had,” she confessed, giving him a small comforting smile. “Why couldn’t you have one?” Renjun asked rather hesitantly, his voice almost hushed as if he was whispering, despite the fact that it was only the two of them in the room. Madam Wendy shrugged, sighing heavily. 

“It was no one’s fault. It’s one of those tricks love and nature plays on us, you know that more than anyone,” she chuckled, gesturing to the cuckoo clock heart on his naked chest. “Though, the day your mother gave you to me felt like it was heaven sent. Oh god, I would lose my mind and my reason for living if I lost you,” she reached over and ran her fingers through her child’s hair, making Renjun feel some sort of guilt deep down in his chest. 

“I’m sorry.”

I’m sorry I fell in love and I don’t know how to get out.

-

Madam Wendy finally allowed Renjun out of their home a month after the incident. For the whole thirty days he was prisoned in his home, all that wandered in his mind was you. He wanted to see you, he longed to hear your sardonic humor, he longed to hear your angelic laughter flowing through his ears like music. He longed to ask forgiveness of what had happened between the two of you under the tree.

He wondered if you harbored the same feelings for him as he does for you. He doubted you’d still feel the same after the incident, however, a part of him had hope that you would wait for him all this time. He tried to prove himself wrong as he ran around town to all of your favorite spots. The library, the fountain, the art store, the tree. Anywhere his mind took him, his feet didn’t stop moving. His feet couldn’t stop moving. 

He wanted to see you again. No, he needed to see you again. He needed to apologize to you to release the guilt in his heart. He didn’t care if his heart would explode right then and there, he needed to see you and he wanted to finally embrace you in his arms. He needed to know if you reciprocate his feelings, he needed to know if you longed for him as much as he longed for you this whole entire time. He never got your answer, either. He asked to be your eyes, he wanted to be your guide. He wanted to tell you to rely on him if you can’t rely on your eyes, he wanted to hold your hand to keep you from straying to the wrong path. He wanted to feel his lips brush against yours, he wanted to feel love. He wanted to feel loved by you.

His heart fell even more when he realised he couldn’t find you anywhere. No one knew where you went, no one has seen you since the day he fell unconscious. It was as if you had disappeared off of the surface of the earth. The only thing he had of you was the fabric he accidentally tore off of your dress. He realised you left your barrel organ ride beside the tree. It was already collecting dust as leaves fell in between the spaces of the organ. 

You were gone. 

The owner of the library informed him that you had fled abroad. His heart sank to the pit of his stomach at the thought of you running away. You didn’t even say goodbye. You didn’t even have the audacity to tell him you were leaving? Surely you would have informed him that you were leaving. Yet again, you did tell him on the first day you met that you weren’t supposed to stay here for too long. But was it too much of him to ask you to at least say goodbye?

-

Two years later, it was Renjun’s 18th birthday. Two years since he lost you, two years since he went back to the hollow shell he formerly was before he fell in love. He spent months wallowing in his own sorrow, he spent months wondering if you missed him the same way he missed you. He no longer looked forward to walking out of his home to paint, all he saw was grey. The places he spent with you made his vision dark and grey, it was as if the joy inside of him were stripped from his vision. 

He didn’t know what to do. His heart grew numb, he didn’t know how to make himself happy again. It was as if he had lost a part of himself. He had lost something precious. Which he did, he lost you. He didn’t know what to do. Yet, on a rare occasion, he would take small walks into town. 

Madam Wendy noticed how Renjun’s whole existence grew dull ever since that day, his eyes were always dark as if he hasn’t slept for centuries, a frown permanently placed on his lips, his movements weak as if he didn’t have the energy to move. At this point he admitted that he was barely living, he was just a human body existing with a cuckoo clock as a heart. His days were no longer as bright as they used to.

To Renjun, the days felt like it was repeating itself. He wasn’t allowed to go to school, for Madam Wendy feared that he would be made fun of and bullied by his peers. Everyday, he would wake up and wind up his heart, take a long shower, eat his breakfast, paint or read his books, occasionally talking to the patients who attempted to make small talk with him (however that wouldn’t last very long considering he had no interest whatsoever in interacting with strangers he barely knew), eat dinner, go to bed. Repeat. 

It was an exhausting cycle. His mind was growing dull. Whenever his mental health became worse, he would take a walk into town to clear his mind to try and lift his own spirits (despite the fact that he knew it’s futile. After all, he’s been trying this for the past two years.) Today was unfortunately one of those days. 

Renjun had decided to take a small visit to the library. He remembered how he had to apologize to the librarian for lending you the Great Expectations book when he remembered that you’ve never returned the book back to him. He still felt guilty despite the fact that the librarian didn’t mind it very much. The librarian lady took a liking to both you and Renjun, she thought the two of you would’ve ended up together if it weren’t for the fact that you had moved away without a goodbye.

But fortunately for Renjun, today was a different day. Today would be the day to end his miserable lifestyle. 

“Renjun! Renjun, my dear boy! How are you, honey?” the librarian greeted, putting a stack of books on the counter as Renjun entered the library with a bashful smile on his face. “Same as always, Mrs. Dust,” he bowed to greet the older lady politely, snucking his hands in his pockets after tugging on his coat. “Honey, I have lovely news for you! You remember your old friend, Miss Y/n, don’t you?” the lady giggled, walking over to the young adult with an eager smile on her face. 

Oh how Renjun’s heart perked up at the brief mention of your name. 

“Of course I do, Mrs. What about her?” he coughed, clearing his throat to prevent his voice from shaking. “I’ve received a letter from her! Oh hold on, dearie,” she giggled, squatting down to open the small drawer near her desk and pulling out a small postcard which had a familiar handwriting written on the back. “It must be your birthday soon. Happy birthday, my dear boy. The least I can do is give you this,” she smiled, handing Renjun the postcard with a hum. 

“Thank you so much, Mrs. Dust,” he smiled, gripping the postcard tightly in between his fingers as he looked down on it. It was indeed from you. You didn’t write much on the card, nothing more than a simple ‘happy birthday’ and a small ‘I missed you’. You had written your name at the edge of the card and a small ‘R’ beside the happy birthday, indicating that it was truly for him. Fireworks erupted in his stomach when he saw small hearts doodled all over the card with a red pen. 

You remembered him. 

You missed him. 

You thought of him.

Those words were enough to revive the spark in his heart. Those were enough to spread a bright genuine smile across his lips. His cheeks hurt from how wide his smile was, he felt like jumping for joy. He was so ecstatic he thought he could fly to the sky, he felt his fingers itching as his eyes wandered to the address you have written at the bottom of the postcard, giving him a hint of where you might be living. 

Andalusia. 

You were half across Europe. You were so far away, yet so close. He wanted to see you. He needed to see you. He couldn’t let this opportunity go to waste, he needed to get a move on and he needed to find you. He thought sending you a postcard back wasn’t enough. He wanted to see the girl who managed to turn his heart without the key, he wanted to see the girl who produced a spark in his heart with only a few mere words.

He ran all the way back home, encountering Joy and Yeri on the way back and shooting them with an uncharacteristically bright smile stretched across his face. “Renjun, lad, what’s gotten you all jumpy?” Joy exclaimed, causing Renjun to stop in his tracks. “I got a letter from her!” he informed them, his voice high-pitched as if he just got told that he had personally won the sun, moon and stars all to himself. In his case, he actually did. He actually did.

“A letter?” Yeri squeaked up, a smile stretching across her face at the sight of the younger boy’s. “From who?” Joy asked, giggles bubbling up in between the two ladies as they watch Renjun suppress the urge to jump for joy. “Y/n! She remembers me! She sent me a postcard from Andalusia,” he exclaimed, waving the postcard in their faces. Joy’s eyes wandered down to Renjun’s chest, watching as the hands of his clock spun rapidly, indicating how excited the young adult was feeling. 

“Y/n? Was this the young girl you went on about a few years ago?” Yeri asked, receiving an enthusiastic nod from Renjun himself. “Renjun, that’s great news! What are you planning to do then? Write her another letter?” she asked once again, clasping her hands in front of her at the delightful news. The boy shook his head eagerly, his smile never faltering. 

“I’m going to find her, I’m going to find her and confess my love,” he breathed out, his own words taking his breath away. The thought of seeing you again was enough to send him flying into the heavens, oh for all things that’s holy, he didn’t know how he was going to proclaim his love for you in person when he could barely explain it in words himself.

“To Andalusia? Renjun, that’s halfway across Europe! Madam Wendy won’t be very happy about this,” Joy informed him, a sympathetic smile replacing her previously bright one. Renjun’s smile faltered at the mention of his caretaker, looking down at the postcard you had sent him, your messy handwriting beckoning him to come to you. He sucked his bottom lip, his heart racing at the thought of rebelling against Madam Wendy’s orders.

Yet again, if he did end up dying from this, all of Madam Wendy’s efforts throughout the past two decades would be in vain. She was practically his guardian after all, but yet again, he was a legal adult now isn’t he? He’s 18 years old, he didn’t have to live under her rules anymore if he didn’t want to. But he couldn’t help but feel guilty for wanting to flee Edinburgh just to see you again, something inside of him was screaming at him to run.

Maybe this time, he would listen to it.

“Joy, Yeri, will you help me escape Edinburgh?”

-

“Renjun? What are you doing up so late?” 

Renjun froze, halting his movements as he dropped another sweater into his suitcase. He shut his eyes tightly as his heart raced against his chest, taking a deep breath to compose himself before standing up to face his caretaker as he zipped up his suitcase tight. “Wendy,” he cleared his throat, gripping tightly on the saddle of his suitcase with a small cough, slipping the key to his heart in his front pockets. “Renjun, why do you have a suitcase packed? It’s past curfew,” she narrowed her eyes at the boy.

“Wendy, I am now a legal adult. I have turned 18 years old,” Renjun started, suppressing the urge to gulp down his nerves but he kept his ground. “Yes, I know that, Renjun. That still doesn't answer my question as to why you’re up this late with a packed suitcase,” she nodded, tone laced with confusion as Renjun took a step back towards the opened window, looking out at the moonlight. “Y/n sent me a postcard… from Andalusia,” his voice grew quieter as the seconds went by.

“I’m planning to travel half across Europe to see her again.”

“No, I forbade it.” Wendy shook her head, taking a step forward towards her adopted child, her hands balled up into fists at how Renjun’s determined expression didn’t falter at the slightest bit at her strict tone. “I expected you to say that,” Renjun sighed, walking over to the open window and looking up at the moon shining down upon the dark sky. 

“Nature was cruel to pray this silly little trick on me. I spent two decades wondering ‘what is love’? I knew I didn’t need to love in life, you showed me that throughout my whole 18 years of living here. I didn’t need love to live,” Renjun started, clasping his hands together as he held the saddle of his suitcase harder.

“But I realise, I’ve always wanted to feel love. To feel love, to give love and be loved back. Y/n made me realise that when I started falling for her two years ago, and if it weren’t for you I wouldn’t have come to this realisation either,” he chuckled in disbelief, looking around at the decorations of his room, realising how much he’s going to miss living here. “I want to go out and explore the world, I know you have been dreading at the possibility of this day coming, but it has, Wendy.”

“Renjun, no. If you leave, this might as well be the last breath you’ll take! You have never travelled outside of town before, how are you going to survive travelling all across Europe for some measly girl? I won’t allow it, I can’t allow it,” Wendy shook her head, her eyes wide with panic as she watched Renjun walk backwards to the open window behind him. “I know you won’t allow it. But it’s time to let me go,” Renjun smiled sadly.

“Thank you for the 18 years you have spent trying to keep me alive. But the past two years felt meaningless to me without her presence, it felt aimless. I was honestly thinking about taking my own life at some point,” he chuckled with a shake of his head. “But now, I realise I rather risk my life for love than spend the rest of my days here with an empty, cold feeling in my heart,” he shot his guardian a genuine smile, the first genuine smile she has ever witnessed from the young boy. 

“Goodbye Wendy.”

“Huang Renjun!” 

Renjun fell back from the open window, causing Madam Wendy to let out a cry of his name, quickly running over to the window to see if her child was okay. She gasped when she saw that Renjun had landed on a mattress Joy and Yeri had set before hand, a loud joyous laughter eliciting from the younger boy’s lips, a sound Wendy has never heard from the boy from his eighteen years of living. He got up from the mattress, grabbing his suitcase quickly before shooting a boyish smile to his aunts. 

“I’ll send you a postcard, Madam Wendy!” he exclaimed as he began running down the hill. 

“Renjun, no! Come back! Oh god, please no! Yeri, Joy, what are you doing?! Stop the young lad before he-”

“You can’t blame me for falling hard in love, mother!”

-

“Now my dear boy, what a lovely contraption of a heart you got there!” a man exclaimed, adjusting his monocle as he squinted his eyes at Renjun’s mechanical heart. “Oh, why, thank you,” he smiled politely, bowing at the older man as he gripped his canvas in hand. “Where are you off to? You seem quite young to be travelling all by yourself,” the man asked in an attempt to make small talk.

That night, Renjun had run off to catch the nearest train to Paris, he planned to take a trip from there to Andalusia. It was a 7 hour ride but he was willing to do anything at this point to get out of Edinburgh. When he finally arrived in Paris, he stumbled upon this man while waiting for his next train. “Oh pardon me, where are my manners! I’m Kim Doyoung,” he outstretched his hand for Renjun to shake with a toothy smile spread on his lips. 

“Huang Renjun,” he introduced with a sheepish smile. “Ah, So, Renjun, where are you going, my dear boy? You seem a little bit too young to travel,” Doyoung took off his monocle, wiping it against his tie before putting it back on. “I-I’m trying to get a replacement for my heart,” Renjun said, poking his little clock with the tip of his finger, grimacing at the small ticking sound it was making at the small touch. 

It wasn’t a complete lie. 

He had planned to get a replacement for his heart for so long, he figured that maybe if he changed into a new one, this wretched curse of forbidden love might be lifted. Maybe he didn’t have to part ways with Madam Wendy or Joy or Yeri. Maybe if he replaced his clock, he could live his life happily in love with you. Though, for now, it was just a small hope he held inside of him. All he could do now was find a clockmaker.

“I’m trying to find a clockmaker somewhere to replace my heart,” he spoke in a bold tone, looking down at his unfinished piece. He made it during his seven hour train ride while thinking of you just to pass the time, though, he was honestly considering giving it to you the moment you get to reunite with each other. “Do you happen to know one?” he asked, his eyes going wide with hopefulness.

Doyoung hummed in response, tugging on the tip of his tie. “Unfortunately, I’m not a clockmaker. But I do like tinkering in the mechanics direction! Maybe I could take a closer look at your heart to see if there’s anything I can do,” Doyoung suggested, pulling out a magnifying glass with a nod of his head. Renjun sucked his bottom lip nervously before taking out the key from his front pocket, plunging it into the mechanical heart and turning it to open the door of his heart. “Alright then.” “Oh! You say that this was grafted by the famous Madam Wendy from Edinburgh? She must be quite the genius to craft and piece this all for you with her bare hands to save your life,” he exclaimed, leaning closer to observe the small gears slowly turning with every small tick tocks his heart makes. “Though, I don’t know why you’d want to replace such a thing. Everything works just fine, clearly, she made this out of love. I could see it within every crevice of art she puts into this clock,” the older man clicked his heart, putting his magnifying glass back into his bag as Renjun closed his heart shut and pulled his key out of the clock.

“Love, huh? That’s the exact problem I have at the moment,” Renjun sighed heavily, tucking his key back into his front pocket before leaning back against his seat. “It’s very dangerous to me. At least that’s what Wendy said to me for the past eighteen years of my life,” he looked down at his shoes sadly, pressing his lips together in a tight line as he felt the guilt catching up to him at the thought of his caretaker’s efforts going in vain. 

“Tell me about it,” Doyoung grinned, putting his hand on his chin as a smug expression spread across his features. 

“You see, mister Kim-”

“Oh no! Call me Doyoung!” 

“Uhm- You see, mister Doyoung. There’s this singer I met in Edinburgh a long time ago and-” “Ah yes, I see. These things do happen quite often.” Renjun bit back his tongue when Doyoung interrupted him once again, but nonetheless he continued on with his story. “As time went on, we grew closer. And soon, I couldn’t help but feel as if my whole world was going through a life threatening earthquake. My head was spinning, I couldn’t breathe. The ticking tock of my clock sounded almost alarming as if it was going to stop at any given moment whenever I’m within her lovely presence,” he explained, making grand, dramatic gestures with his hands as he went on.

Doyoung chuckled, assuming that Renjun’s poetic explanations were purely symbolic. “And how did that feel, exactly, Renjun?” he asked, causing Renjun’s expression to soften. “Extraordinary,” he sighed, almost dreamily as he looked down at the postcard he was holding in his free hand that wasn’t holding his canvas. “There you go, my dear boy,” he chuckled in response, leaning back against the seat next to Renjun’s.

“I don’t know, Mister Doyoung. I fear Wendy might be right, though, what if love was just a trap and my ticking clock is just a bomb waiting to be triggered by it?” Renjun asked, scratching the back of his neck nervously as he kissed his teeth. “Renjun, if you fear of getting hurt, you will increase the chances of getting hurt,” Doyoung laid a hand on the younger boy’s shoulder comfortingly. “You should enjoy the thrill, the danger! That pumps through your veins at the thought of falling completely in love,” he exclaimed. 

“If you live your life worrying everything, you’ll get bored before you even die! Don’t you want to experience a life changing experience with this little lady you’ve been saughting after?” he asked, her tone encouraging Renjun’s spirit to get back up again. A smile stretched across Renjun’s face at the thought, he had flashbacks to the two years he spent without you. He couldn’t afford going back to the same depressing situation he got himself out of, and he’s definitely not willing to go back now that he’s almost there.

“If I can find her again. The last time I heard from her, she was in Andalusia,” he shrugged with a small laugh.

“I’d say,” Doyoung laughed. “When you’re eighteen and you’re travelling half across the continent for a girl, I’d say the rebellious genes in your DNA are highly developed,” he joked, retracting his hand from Renjun’s shoulders. “I bet I could make a whole film based on your cuckoo clock heart,” Doyoung whipped out an empty journal from his bag, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively at his newfound friend. “Why not?” Renjun chuckled with a small shrug. 

“Young love, what a beautiful thing to see. You see, I never had any fond memories when it comes to being in love. All I do is invent and invent contraptions, and my former lover never appreciated my expertise. Life is far from easy when you’re in love, my young friend,” Doyoung sighed, leaning his arm against the seat with a heavy sigh. “Why don’t you come with me to Andalusia then, Mister Doyoung? I’m sure anything’s possible there and I wouldn’t mind having a bit of a company on my way there,” Renjun offered, the thought of making a new friend giving some light into his dark path.

“You want an unprofessional mechanic with constant near mental breakdowns following you in your journey to find love?” Doyoung’s eyes went wide in shock, a smile that mirrored Renjun’s appearing on his face. “I would love to have an unprofessional mechanic with constant near mental breakdowns in my quest!” Renjun laughed, nodding eagerly as he sat up straight to shake Doyoung’s hand to make a deal.

Renjun had  made another friend.

-

When they finally arrived in Andalusia, they stumbled upon a small amusement park where you were rumored to be staying in at the moment. “Well, first impressions?” Doyoung asked, looking around the ominous park filled with performers and eccentric workers setting up their tents. “It’s.. quite different than Edinburgh, I must admit,” Renjun chuckled, pulling on his suitcase eagerly as he scanned his eyes around in hopes that he might see your figure at the corner of his eye.

The park, unlike his old town, was way more colourful than Edinburgh. There were animals in colourful cages, happily interacting with their inmates. There were jesters and mimes practicing for their acts in the middle of the streets, happily entertaining a few visitors. There were food stands everywhere, Renjun swore you could exit this park penniless under five minutes if you really wanted to. 

“Come one, come all! For tonight we have special acts starting from 5 pm to-” 

He walked past whom he assumed was the announcer of the park, who was enthusiastically using a tricycle to spread his message all over the place. And upon walking around he stumbled upon what seems to be a horror attraction in the shape of a train, the owner standing inside of a coffin as she smoked her cigarette, eyeing Renjun suspiciously. “Looking for something, you little runt? A job, perhaps? Cause, I’m looking for a new employee to hire,” she asked, taking a puff of her cigarette in between her sentences. 

Renjun took his words back about Madam Wendy resembling Ms Havisham. Because at that given moment, he felt like Pip when he was first introduced to Ms Havisham in the book, clueless as to what he wanted with her. Renjun shook his head, no, mustering up the courage to give the older woman a polite smile. “I’m looking for a little singer?” he answered with an innocent smile. 

“A little singer? Here? The chances of that is equivalent to finding a snowflake in hell,” she rolled her eyes, taking another puff from her cigarette and blowing smoke into Renjun’s face. He coughed, taking a step back in alarm but he bit his tongue to snap back at the woman’s rude actions. “Listen, I’m just trying to find a little singer who sings like a lovely bird in the break of daw-” 

“Enough jabbering about her! Do you want the job or not?” she sighed exasperatedly. 

As Renjun was about to give the woman a piece of his mind for being so rude, the announcer cycling around him caught his attention with his words. “Ladies and Gentlemen, up next in our line of performers will be the young singing sensation, Miss Y/n! A lady who has travelled far and wide with her infamous street singing career,” the announcer said with a booming voice as he cycled to another part of the park.

“Miss Y/n?” he whispered with a soft gasp. “Well? Do you want the job or not?” the woman asked with a raised brow. He frowned involuntarily at the woman’s abrupt tone, clicking his tongue before running back to wherever Doyoung was. “I’ll think about it!” he exclaimed loudly before sprinting off, calling out his colleague’s name with a bright smile on his face. 

“I found her!”

-

“It is her!” he gasped, watching as you slowly come out of your little private trailer, music piercing his ears and your voice making its way into his heart like a knife throwing attraction. It hit right at the target perfectly. “It’s her, I can’t believe it,” Renjun could feel his breath being taken away. You had grown to be a beautiful woman, your features changed slightly due to the years but nonetheless, it didn’t do anything to stop Renjun’s heart from swelling up with adoration like a balloon being filled with helium. 

“Go into her trailer, no one’s going to notice you. Talk to her after her performance,” Doyoung encouraged with a slightly hushed tone. “Excuse me?” Renjun’s eyes shot wide at the unexpected encouragement, his eyes wandering to the trailer you came out of. “I can’t do that! That’s a lady’s privacy!” he exclaimed, shaking his head aggressively. “Trust me, it’ll go smoothly! Just believe in yourself and try not to let the conversation die,” Doyoung hissed, nudging on the younger boy’s shoulder.

Renjun got up slowly, gulping down his fear as he quickly got into your trailer, eyes wide at his own stupidity. ‘God, why did I decide to do this? This is very uncouth of me to do so,’ he thought to himself, wincing slightly when he realised that the music had died down. A bouquet of daisies were in his hand, he didn’t know what to do at that moment as he observed your trailer. It wasn’t very far from you. It was decorated according to your liking.

Your favorite colour was splashed all over the walls, a mannequin standing idly beside the entrance, your dressing table with a gigantic mirror showing his nervous presence. He froze for a brief moment at the sound of your enchanting humming and your little footsteps coming closer to the trailer, making him stand behind the mannequin on pure instinct as you walked into the trailer with a skip in your step.

You were humming the same song you sang on the day you first met. Muttering the lyrics under your breath as you removed bits of dust from your clothing from the performance. Looking up at the mirror, you gasped at Renjun’s awkward figure standing behind your mannequin. You stood up abruptly, grabbing a perfume on your desk and raised it up threateningly at him. “Who are you and what are you doing here?” you exclaimed in alarm. You couldn’t see his face very clearly considering you weren’t wearing your glasses.

“I’m sorry! I was tying my shoelaces when I fell into your floor,” Renjun shook his head, waving his hands around nervously to give off the message that he wasn’t some weird creep or stalker snooping around your belongings. “Do you always fall into a girl’s quarters when she’s changing?” you snapped, lowering your perfume hesitantly as you narrowed your eyes suspiciously at the boy. “NO! No! I would never, I swear! I don’t even know why I’m-”

“You look suspiciously familiar as if I recognise you from somewhere,” you mumbled under your breath, squinting your eyes at him. “You recognise me?” Renjun perked up, a smile stretching across his face as he took a step away from the mannequin towards you. You scoffed, rolling your eyes before turning to the mirror to adjust your appearance. “What do you want anyway?” you sighed, as if you were used to this sort of encounter.

“I’d like to give you a bouquet of daisies,” Renjun bit his lip, pulling the bouquet behind him and leaning it towards your direction. “Daisies? I can’t say they’re my favorite flowers,” you chuckled, looking up at him with a more relaxed expression. “I have no idea why, but peculiarly, daisies always reminds me of my glasses,” you confessed, putting the bouquet on your desk and standing up towards the exit. “I stopped wearing them a long, long time ago. They make me look like some weird bug,” you joked, looking back at Renjun, who chuckled at your words.

‘You really haven’t changed, huh?’

“It’s fine by me,” Renjun chuckled, walking closer towards you in comforting silence. The way your eyes made contact with his softly made his stomach do somersaults, the gears of his heart felt like it was powered by a burst of energy. “Could we see each other again?” he asked hesitantly, “I’d like to get to know you even more,” he added, snucking his hands in his pockets. “Perhaps,” you shrugged, giving him a smile that mirrored his own. “You’re not from around these parts, are you?”

“Oh, no! I’m not, I’m the-I work at the ghost train,” Renjun lied through his teeth, letting out a nervous laugh. “Oh, you’re the new scarer? That’s wonderful news to hear,” you exclaimed, clapping your hands to congratulate him on his new job. “Yes, of course! Exactly, I’m the new scarer,” he nodded, a little bit too eagerly if you asked him. “Can I come see you in action?” you laughed lightly, observing how fidgety the boy in front of you is as he stepped out of your trailer.

“Of course!”

“Tomorrow? Around four?” 

“I’ll see you then.”

-

As the weeks went by, the love between you and Renjun blossomed like a rose. You bonded over your love for art and music in general, rekindling the friendship you used to have. But unfortunately for Renjun, you didn’t recognise him, not a single bit. It was against his beliefs to hit a woman, for that was very impolite of a man, but whenever you mumble how you couldn’t put your finger on how you recognize him from somewhere then proceeds to drop the conversation, he couldn’t lie. He wanted to smack you upside the head for your oblivious self. 

‘Oblivious, rather ludicrous and as blind as a bat. Why did I fancy her, again?’ he would always ponder to himself on a daily basis before watching you run around to try the newest food from each of the food stalls with a bright smile on your face. ‘Oh, right, that’s why,’ he sighed heavily before going over to you with his hands clasped behind his back, mentally preparing himself to fall head over heels for you over and over again.

Today, he was giving you a tour of the ghost train. (yes, he took up the offer with a roll of his eyes just so he can stay here and spent more time with you) “You’re doing a wonderful job here, by the way. It looked like people are having a lot of fun riding the ghost train with your assistance,” you complimented, giving Renjun a soft smile as you walk along the dark train tracks.

“Why thank you, my boss can’t say the same, however,” he grumbled under his breath, rolling his eyes at the thought of his boss being ashamed of him for ruining her quote unquote reputation. “Don’t mind her, she’s always been like that,” you waved it off with a small giggle, patting his shoulder. “Hmm,” he nodded, a pregnant pause settling between you two as you basked in each other’s company. “How did you like the glasses I gave you?” 

Everyday, Renjun would find the most ominous and peculiar looking glasses that were all twisted and broken to give to you, which always brought a smile upon your face knowing full well that you couldn’t wear them no matter how much you tried. “Awful, as usual,” you joked, clasping your hands behind your back as you skipped along the tracks, your shoes hitting the dark coal with a soft ‘tip tap’. “Wonderful,” he laughed lightly, shaking his head profusely at you.

“I still can’t shake over the feeling that I’ve been in this situation before, or maybe I dreamed of this moment before,” you blurted out, looking around the damp cave-like tunnel you were walking through. Renjun bit his lip sadly, suppressing the urge to tell you that he was the boy you met back in Edinburgh. Yet again, what if you left for a reason? What if you left because you didn’t want to see him again? He feared the worse as time went on. 

“I’m sure we’ve met before but I don’t know where,” you turned to him with a smile tugging at your lips. “Really,” Renjun looked down at his feet, kicking the coal as you both paused in your step and turned your bodies to look at each other in the eyes. You somehow found comfort in looking into Renjun’s eyes, but you couldn’t pinpoint why they constantly gave you a sense of deja vu whenever you stare into them for too long. “What’s that odd pitter patter?” you mumbled, hearing a familiar tapping sound in the tunnel.

He bit back a smile, “it’s the rain.” 

He knew those words all too well. “Do you like the rain?” he asked, putting his hand behind his back as he adjusted the top hat on his head. “Getting wet? No,” you shook your head, giving him a tight-lipped smile. “But the sound it makes? Yes,” you nodded enthusiastically, making Renjun laugh at your slight eagerness. “And I’ve heard that noise before somewhere,” you whispered, loud enough for Renjun to hear. 

“That’s because it’s my heart,” he couldn’t help but blurted out, putting a hand on his little coat. “Pardon?” you furrowed your brows in confusion, watching him tug on his coat to reveal a miniscule cuckoo clock on his chest. “My heart, they made it for me on the day I was born. It’s a bit cold and a little fragile, but it works,” he sighed, watching as you observe the small contraption on his heart with a curious expression, pulling out the key from his pockets.

“You can open me up with this little key,” he grabbed your hand and placed the key in between your fingers, letting you push the key into his heart and turning it to the left before opening the door of his clock. “Fascinating, do you always let other girls walk into the train tracks with you and let them open your heart?” you chuckled, raising your brow at the boy in front of you, whose eyes widened in surprise as you pulled your hand away from his heart. 

“No, not really. In fact, you’re the first one,” Renjun shook his head with a sweet smile, closing the door shut and pulling out the key before placing it back into his pocket. “Oh, thanks,” your eyes widened slightly at his blunt expression, putting a hand on your arm shyly. “You’re welcome,” he chuckled, patting the key in his pocket. Renjun’s eyes wandered from your eyes to your soft lips, his heart racing against his chest at the thought of finally picking up where you had left off all those years. He didn’t even realise that he was leaning his head towards yours. 

“Wait- no,” you pressed a hand against his chest, pushing him away as you turned your head to the side with guilt glossing over your eyes. “Don’t,” you shook your head as you took a step back. “I really like you. There’s a warm fuzzy feeling growing in my tummy that’s making me pull towards you like a magnet, but,” you paused, looking down at your hands nervously as they lay limp on your sides. “My heart belongs to someone else,” you gave him a sympathetic smile. 

“Someone I met a long, long time ago. You always reminded me of him. “I’m still waiting until the day we reunite once again, embarking on a romantic adventure with you would just be unfair,” you sighed heavily, rubbing your arms nervously as you slowly let Renjun down. A great pang of pain pierced through Renjun’s whole body at your words, he could almost feel his heart tear itself apart as he watched you walk away and out of the ghost tunnel. 

Away from him.

-

“Renjun! You’re back! So? How did it go?” Doyoung exclaimed, fixing his latest invention with a cough, dropping his tweezers in his bag as he wiped his hands on a nearby cloth. Doyoung had rented an empty building so that he could introduce his new inventions to the public and entertain them with them. “She loves someone else,” Renjun mumbled under his breath, tossing his top hat onto one of the seats they set up as he sat down on the steps of the small indoor stage Doyoung had built over the past few weeks.

“I travelled halfway across Europe for her for absolutely nothing,” Renjun laid his head on his palms, sighing heavily as he tried to keep himself from screaming in pain. His heart was hurting. It was way different than the pain he felt two years ago, it was a whole new level of emotional pain he didn’t know he was capable of feeling. “Did you at least confess your love for her?” Doyoung asked, taking a seat next to the boy as Renjun gripped his hair tightly in distress. 

“Why bother? Her heart’s filled to the brim, there’s no way I could empty it out like a sink,” Renjun pulled his head out of his hands, his elbows laying on his legs as he threw the golden key to his heart against the carpet floor out of frustration. “You can’t just let your efforts go to waste, Renjun. Did she at least recognise you?” Doyoung asked, leaning over to grab the key and place it back into his younger friend’s palm with a heavy sigh.

He shook his head, turning it to look at the older man who adjusted his monocle. “No, I’d prefer her not to remember who I am than to remember me and not love me in return,” Renjun leaned his cheek against his palm, eyes looking down sadly at his feet. “You can’t just give up like that, Renjun. Love is like a shooting star you’re supposed to seek after, a wish you must grant yourself with the fifty percent chance of getting the outcome you desire,” Doyoung encouraged, leaning back against his palms behind him. 

Renjun chuckled softly, a sad smile appearing on his lips. “I never felt so sad yet so happy at the same time,” he shook his head, pressing his knuckles to his temples hard. “Ah yes, two of the most powerful and impactful emotions of the human soul combined into one,” Doyoung mused, raising a brow at his lovesick friend. “If only she believed me about my heart, her expression tells me that she thinks it’s some kind of sick joke,” he scoffed, kicking the air with one foot as he let out a huff of exhaustion.

“Well, did she say who has captured her heart?” Doyoung asked, raising his brow, causing Renjun’s eyes to shoot up wide. 

The impact of Kim Doyoung’s words have never failed to get Renjun’s adrenaline rushing again through his veins as he walked into your trailer with a small push against your door. “Do I know him?” Renjun asked abruptly, wanting to get straight to the point as he was very eager to know who has captured your heart. “Could you stop barging into my trailer all the time?” you retorted, turning towards him as you put down your makeup brush on your desk. “The boy you’re in love with, do I know him?” Renjun repeated, the gears of his heart racing against his chest.

He doesn’t even know if he wants the answer to that question. “No,” you replied bluntly, adjusting the laces on your dress. “So you’re not in love with him anymore?” Renjun asked, raising his brow as he crossed his arms against his chest and leaned against the door. “No, that’s not what I meant!” you huffed, feeling yourself getting frustrated the more he edged you on. “Look, it was a very, very long time ago when I first met him,” you rolled your eyes.

“It was back when my parents still made me move from city to city. Oh god, that city was practically made for him. The aura of the city radiated the same aura he had back when I first met him, cold and depressing. Nonetheless the more I got to know him, the more I realised that inside he was just a warm human being that needed someone to light up his perspective,” you sighed, clasping your hands together right in front of you. There was a loud ‘cuckoo!’ that pierced both of your ears, and suddenly, a small gear shot from Renjun’s heart and hit the wooden closet right beside you. 

“Would you stop playing with your clock? You could injure someone, it won’t hurt to take it off occasionally, will it?” you exclaimed with a gasp, looking up at him with bold eyes as you put your hands on your hips. “I can’t help it, it’s not some bloody toy! It’s my heart,” he snapped back, his hands balled up into fists as he felt his blood boiling in his veins at the sound of you talking so highly of someone else that wasn’t him. The way you talked about whoever this boy is was the same way he talked about you to everyone else. 

He took a deep breath to calm himself down when he saw your taken aback reaction, “I’m sorry.” You let out a deep sigh as you stood up from your desk, putting a hand on his shoulder in an attempt to comfort the poor fellow. “Look, I would really appreciate it if we could become friends. How about we go down to the theater tomorrow? I heard Mister Doyoung made a new contraption to add to the cinematic universe,” you suggested, giving him a kind smile as you took his hand in yours to try and cheer him up a bit. 

“I’d really like to go together.” No matter how much his heart was telling him to rest for the rest of his life, no matter how much in pain he’s currently in, but the moment he looked into your eyes, he knew he couldn’t say no. 

-

“Would you care to share more information about your romeo?” Renjun asked, holding his wrist behind him as you two walked outside of the amusement park together after the show. “Oh, don’t call him that. I absolutely despise that specific work of Shakespeare’s,” you scoffed, rolling your eyes as you hopped over a pebble, grunting as you caught your balance. Renjun chuckled, “why so?” he asked, raising his brow at you. 

“The typical damsel in distress trope never failed to make my blood boil like a pot of water on high heat,” you huffed, crossing your arms. “I prefer to call him my Pip,” you giggled, climbing up a small hill before sitting on top of the grass and laying your head down with a content sigh. “Pip? Why Pip to be exact?” Renjun asked, raising his brow as he took a seat next to your lying figure, leaning back against his palms. “A couple years ago, right before I left. We had this small debate on happy endings and shakespearean works,” you started, gazing up at the starry night sky. 

“I would constantly babble on and on about how women shouldn’t be the damsel in distress, then one day he whipped out this book out of nowhere like some sort of magician! It was called the Great Expectations by Charles Dickens, I finally finished when I left the city so I never got around to returning the book he let me borrowed,” you sighed, placing your hands on your tummy as you giggled at the thought of your first love possibly getting mad at you for leaving without a goodbye with the addition of not returning his book back. 

Renjun’s heart raced at your small story, his body froze as his ears grew a slight tint of pink (which wasn’t very visible, thanks to the dim lighting of the moon shining down upon the two of you) when he realised that you were talking about him. You were talking about him all along. “I realised why he let me borrow the book though, I asked for an unhappy ending without the female protagonist being the damsel in distress. It was a beautiful story, really,” you sighed, closing your eyes as you thought back to the times you shared back in Edinburgh.

“He would always listen to my rambles as he painted some random landscape in town, showing me his talents as well as listening to my words as I ranted about the foolish decisions of the characters. He reminds me of Pip a little bit. A bit childish, a bit foolish, a little bit misunderstood,” you went on, before pausing briefly, eyes opening to look up at your new friend. “Should I stop? I don’t want to bore you with my story, I tend to ramble a lot unintentionally,” you asked, receiving an aggressive shake of Renjun’s head. 

“No! No! Keep going, I’m getting very interested in your story, do continue,” he laughed lightly, looking down at his clock, biting back his lip to keep himself from jumping for joy. “The last day I saw him- oh god, I remember it every night before I go to bed. I never had my glasses on around him, so my memory of his physical appearance is rather blurry. But I remembered it like it was yesterday. Sure, I might not recognize him today with my own eyes but I remembered we almost shared a kiss,” a wide smile stretched across your face as a warm feeling bubbled up inside of you at the vivid memory. 

“Yeah?” Renjun couldn’t help but let a wide smile spread across his own lips at the thought, turning his head to the side to suppress the urge to tackle you in a strong embrace. You remembered. “He offered to be my eyes, he offered to keep me from straying down the wrong path. I never got a chance to say yes,” you giggled, rubbing your palms against your eyes as you felt a giddy feeling inside both of your chests. “Guess he was too eager to kiss you before you could say yes?” Renjun joked, grimacing at his own childishness. 

You chuckled, shrugging simply. “I guess so, I didn’t mind though. It felt exhilarating. I didn’t know how it happened but he also tore a little bit of my dress as well,” you shook your head, looking back up at the stars scattered across the sky. Oh how Renjun was using all the strength vested inside of him to keep his heart from going ‘cuckoo!’ right in front of you right now. “He might not remember me, I sent him a postcard a couple weeks ago. I never received one back. But someday, when we reunite, I’d like to thank him for the lovely book and for teaching me what love feels like.”

“Everytime I’m near his company I would always feel so safe. So happy, so loved. Genuinely happy and genuinely loved,” you sighed, closing your eyes once again as you took in the fresh air. “I’m sure he felt the same,” Renjun felt his cheeks hurting from how wide he was smiling. “Hey, can we see each other again?” he spoke after a moment of comforting silence. “Alright, when?” you opened your eyes, squinting your eyes suspiciously at him. “Noon? At the theater, I have something to tell you,” he grinned. 

“Alright then, is something wrong? Why the funny face?” you chuckled, sitting up from your laying position, cocking your head to the side as you raised your eyebrow at him. “Nothing, I’m just really excited to show you this,” he shook his head, he couldn’t hide his big smile from you any longer. 

Just like how he couldn’t hide his longing and love for you that he has been harboring for the past two years. 

“She’s in love with me,” he said to Doyoung, who gave him a proud grin in return. “Congratulations, my dear boy! You tamed the spark in your heart,” he gave Renjun a pat on the back, who smiled sadly in response. “But there’s a problem. She’s in love with the other me, the one back in Edinburgh,” he sighed, sitting down on one of the seats in the theater. “I don’t see why this is a problem. The ‘you’ back in Edinburgh is still the same ‘you’ now!” Doyoung furrowed his brows in confusion. 

“I assume so, but what am I supposed to say to her?” Renjun ran a hand through his hair in frustration. 

“Tell her how you feel! ‘It’s me! Renjun! The boy you loved oh-so-dearly for all these years! Your first love from Edinburgh, I have travelled far and wide all over Europe to find you, my love. So now let me take your hand and let’s venture and sail for the skies! In each other’s loving embrace!’” Doyoung boomed, throwing his hand in the air to make grand gestures as he spoke, standing up in the midst of his words. 

“Quite poetic, but I tried. The words are jammed at the back of my throat and I can’t let them out,” Renjun huffed, internally cursing at himself for holding himself back because of a small guilt lingering in his chest. “You’re still afraid of what might become of your heart once you fall completely, aren’t you?” Doyoung sympathized, putting a hand on his hip as he frowned upon his young friend’s unfortunate condition. “A part of me is still guilty for putting all of Madam Wendy’s efforts in vain,” Renjun laughed bitterly. 

“I thought you wanted to love and to be loved back, you mustn’t be afraid!” Doyoung encouraged, using the same tone he used previously to influence all of Renjun’s previous actions with a wide toothy smile. “You’re eighteen, you deserve the love you’ve been longing for, Renjun.” 

Renjun bit back a smile, shaking his head out of his insecurities as he stood up to his feet. “You’re right, I should’ve just told her who I was at the start. You have to help me come up with something.”

-

“Renjun? Are you here?” You called out, entering the theater bashfully. “Right here, Ms!” Naeun, Doyoung’s new friend, coaxed, waving her hand to tell you to sit on the front row, right in front of the stage. A familiar merry tune played in the background as the curtains were pulled back to reveal two puppets of what appeared to be you and a familiar little boy from Edinburgh. Doyoung came into view, clearing his throat as Naeun strummed the chords of the song you sang on the day you met your first love with a ukulele in her hand. 

“It was a lovely day in Edinburgh,” Doyoung began, looking towards the puppets. “Little miss y/n who was sixteen years old was dancing around in her dainty shoes, getting her feet all in a tangle before tumbling down to the floor due to her own clumsiness,” Renjun added with a small nervous laugh, moving his own little puppet around and towards the mini puppet version of yourself. “On the day they first met, she would ask ‘what’s that odd pitter patter?’ ‘What’s making that noise?’” Naeun hummed melodiously, causing your eyes to widen with every single word that comes out of their mouths. 

“It’s just the rain, do you like the rain?” Renjun asked, shooting you a short glance as if to say ‘sounds familiar?’

You furrowed your brows, lips pressed into a thin line as you silently watched the performance in front of you, taking every single last bit of information they were sharing into your head as took in the meaning of their words. “Miss Y/n adored the sound of the rain, but however, all this time she didn’t realise that the sound she came to adore came from the tick tock of Renjun’s mechanical heart,” Doyoung recited, looking down on his little card before sharing a knowing look with Renjun and Naeun upon seeing the flabbergasted expression etched on your face.

“Oh, how if he had told her where that pitter patter had come from, would she recognize him the instant they reunite? Would Renjun have to suffer the pain of travelling half across Europe to see her only to not be recognized for the little lady could not rely on her own eyes?” he added on, adding a bit of suspense as the settings on the puppet show changed slightly to the two of you sitting on top of a crescent moon side by side, sending you flashbacks to the last day you saw your first love. 

“Perhaps, if he had told her, would she have believed him and sampled the magical intimacy of blending dream and reality?” 

Soon, your eyes got glossy with tears. Your heart racing rapidly against your chest as you sat there in complete silence, the new information overwhelming your sentences as you watched the two puppets kissed on the crescent moon, the exact same way you were supposed to kiss two years ago. You sniffled, putting a hand up against one of your eyes to keep your tears from falling as Renjun walked up towards you and off of the stage with his hands behind his back. 

The curtains closed as he gave you a boyish smile, outstretching his hand to show you the piece of fabric he accidentally tore from your dress and the postcard you had sent out almost a month ago. You gasped, delicate fingers gently grabbing the postcard to inspect it. It was indeed the postcard you had sent, it was indeed your handwriting, it was indeed the same filthy postcard you sent a month ago. 

Within a few seconds, you fell unconscious as all this information was too much for you to handle. 

“Oh bloody hell, we killed her!” Renjun cried out in panic, taking a step back in alarm at your sudden concussion. Doyoung and Naeun’s head shot from in between the curtains, hissing at him to not panic and carry you back to your trailer. He sucked his bottom lip as he hesitantly wrapped his arms around your knees and your back, making you lean against his chest, your head so close to his. He gulped as he walked out of the theater, nervously praying to whatever God up there is watching him to not make him drop you in the middle of the streets. 

But fortunately for him, he managed to carry you back to your bed safe and sound. Laying your head on the pillow, he stood idly on the side of your bed, watching your sleeping features. You looked so content, his fingers itched to run themselves around your hair and to caress your cheeks. Oh how he longed to nuzzle his nose against yours lovingly and how he longed to press his lips against yours-

‘A single kiss. A brush against your lips could be your last! Just like that, bang!’

He grunted as his body twitched as his guardian’s words flashed through his mind like lightning and thunder, Madam Wendy’s sorrowful expression couldn’t help but make its way through his mind, causing his body to twitch once again. He took deep, staggering breaths as he palmed his heart in pain, eyes moving over to your sleeping figure before Madam Wendy appeared once again in his vision. 

‘Do you know why I saved your life?’

“If you really are the boy from my time in Edinburgh, why did you wait all this time?” 

His head shot up at the sound of your voice, his eyes wandered to your figure as you stared down at the piece of fabric. “What can I say? You’re an idiot, I feared you won’t recognize me considering you’ve never actually used your glasses during our small encounters,” Renjun chuckled sadly, sitting on your bed as you sat up and leaned on the headboard. “You didn’t even say goodbye, I thought you left because you were in shock of my sudden concussion on that day,” he said half-jokingly, putting a hand behind his neck.

You gave him a sad smile, caressing the postcard with your thumb. “My parents were tricked that day. They trusted the wrong person and the police got a hold of them, my mother left me outside all alone so the police wouldn’t find me and take me away too,” you explained, pulling your knees to your chest as you leaned your chin on your arms. “I remembered being so alone, so cold. That’s why I decided to flee Edinburgh, we weren’t allowed to stay for too long. Our neighbour told us they were going to get us permits but the next day… unfortunately that happened.”

Renjun’s heart ached for you, he never wanted to see you sad. Even though you weren’t supposed to be in Edinburgh in the first place, he felt slightly selfish for it. If it weren’t for the fact that your parents had moved her, maybe your parents would still be by your side to this day. However you can’t change what’s been done, the past is the past. He couldn’t do anything to make the pain of losing a parent go away that easily. 

He placed a hand on yours, rubbing his thumb soothingly against your knuckles in a silent attempt to comfort you. You smiled at him, scooting closer to Renjun without hesitation. “I’m so sorry about that, I didn’t know,” Renjun spoke briefly, letting your fingers intertwine with his own tightly. He reached over to his pocket, pulling out the key to his heart and tugged your intertwined fingers together. “I can’t make the pain of losing your loved ones go away like a magician could, but the only thing I can assure you is that I’m not going anywhere and this key is the living proof of it.” 

He laid the small golden key in your palm, tucking your fingers against it. “This is the key that winds me up, without it, I would be knocked out for good,” he chuckled, gazing his eyes deeply into yours. “You can wind me up, open up my heart, do whatever you want,” he shrugged, watching you scoot closer to him and mirrored the same actions as the ones he showed you on the Ghost Train. “If it hurts, don’t hesitate to tell me,” you informed him, turning the key to the right slowly. 

“It doesn’t usually hurt,” he laughed lightly, eyes filled with love and adoration. He felt his heart spark up with the same comforting flame you manage to set. He found comfort in the love of his life gently caressing his fragile heart as if it was made out of the rarest jewels in existence. 

He found comfort in you. You really are the key to his heart. 

“There you are, you little brat!” the owner of the ghost train spat, entering the trailer quite rudely. “You there, what are you doing holding back my employee? As if he doesn’t slack off enough on the job,” she sighed exasperatedly, taking out another cig from her pocket before lighting it up. “You have ten minutes to get there, it’s almost starting,” she hissed, her tone filled with anger and malice as she made her way out of the trailer with a huff of breath.

You and Renjun shared knowing looks, giggling softly as you pulled the key out of his heart. “I think we should get going,” you said in an almost hushed tone as if you were to make a louder sound, you would break the comforting silence between the two of you. You outstretched your hand to give him back his key but Renjun shook his head at you, chuckling softly as he gently curled your fingers against the key in your palms and gently pushed your hand back towards you. 

“Keep it, I insist,” he shook his head. “What? No, don’t be silly! It’s the key to your heart, Renjun. It’s yours, I can’t keep it,” you shook your head receiving the same chuckle from the boy in front of you. “No, from now on, it’s yours,” he grabbed your free hand in his, intertwining your fingers once again. “Let’s run away together,” he suggested, squeezing your hand in his as he crossed his legs together. 

“Excuse me?” your eyes widened at his words. “After your show, run away with me and let’s make the world our oyster,” he gave you the widest grin he could muster, his cheeks was starting to hurt from smiling too much and for too long. He didn’t know where the sudden suggestion came from his mind but he wanted to do what he’s always dreamt of doing with you, to sail for the skies hand in hand with you by his side. (And maybe live a content life in a cottage with three cats and a whole art studio, but that can wait. After all, he’s waited this long to finally reunite with you)

“This is going to sound very cliche but where would we even go?” you giggled, finding his eagerness quite adorable considering it was a rare sight to see, even back when you were still in Edinburgh. “I don’t know, anywhere! The seas, the trees, as long as I’m with you I’m willing to make do with anywhere. As long as you say yes,” he squeezed your hand encouragingly against his, loving eyes pleading for you to say yes. And the smile you gave him was enough to give him his answer.

-

Renjun ran all over the amusement park with his suitcase in hand, the sound of your voice booming through the speakers as he felt the adrenaline rush through his veins, happiness surging through every part of his body. He was finally living, he was no longer going to live in the same, miserable hollow shell he had been living his whole entire life. A bright smile spread across his face as he entered the theater, panting heavily.

“Well then?” Doyoung pipped up, putting his hands at his hips as Renjun gained his composure as though Renjun’s wide smile hadn’t given him the answer he was hoping for. “She loves me, the real me,” he sighed exasperatedly, putting his hands on his chest as he could hardly believe it himself. “Congratulations, my dear boy! I’m delighted for you, absolutely delighted,” he gave Renjun a hug and patted his back as if he was his own younger brother. 

“We’re going to run away for the hills together after her show, I’m so grateful for everything you’ve done for me. I’m sure I wouldn’t have done this without your help,” Renjun beamed, pulling away to shake his old friend’s hand enthusiastically, his mechanical heart racing rapidly against his chest at the thought of eloping with you all over Europe. “I’m going to miss you, Renjun. Do write to me from time to time,” he gave him a nod, a proud smile etched on his face, causing Renjun to chuckle and nod. “Of course.”

As Renjun was in the middle of packing, your show had finally ended. You snuck back in your trailer to pack your own clothes, but then you saw none other than one of your fellow performers, Choi San, sitting on your desk with a small piece of paper in hand. “San? What on earth are you doing here?” you asked, furrowing your brows as you took out your suitcases from your closet. “I heard you’re going to run off with that new boy,” he grinned, chuckling slightly as he smacked the paper against your desk. “Renjun? Oh! Turns out, he was the boy I fell in love with back in Edinburgh,” you giggled, shoving random clothes into your suitcase, your makeup bags, your shoes, anything you could possibly fit into one single bag. 

“I need to tell you something before you get into serious trouble,” San informed, giving you a hard expression before hopping off your desk to hand you the piece of paper. “I was doing my daily letter checking at the post office and I found this in the mail, it was from Renjun’s guardian from Edinburgh,” he sighed, crossing his arms as you opened the piece of paper to reveal a fancy handwriting underneath. “It tells you everything you need to know about Renjun.” 

You squinted, pulling your glasses from your purse and putting them on. “What are you going on about here, San?” you furrowed your brows as you read through the letter. It was indeed from the ‘Madam Wendy’ Renjun would always rant to you about during your days together back in Edinburgh. “That thing he calls a heart, it’s not what you think it is. It’s a grenade, a ticking time bomb waiting to be triggered, he’s dangerous, y/n,” San informed, his hard expression turning into worry.

“I'm just glad I came here before it was too late,” he sighed in relief, looking down at his feet. “No, San, you must be mistaken. Renjun wouldn’t hurt a fly, he’s absolutely harmless!” You shook your head, refusing to believe his words as you looked down at the letter. “For now, but until he loses control of his heart and therefore fails to abide by the three rules Wendy had given him on the day he was born,” San informed, his eyes narrowing at the letter. 

“The three rules?” you furrowed your brows at him, watching as San’s expression grew dim with sympathy. “Everything you need to know is in that letter, I’ll give you some time to yourself,” San patted your back with a comforting smile before exiting the trailer, leaving you with the letter and your own thoughts. 

-

“Are you trying to make me a murderer?!” you exclaimed, exiting your trailer with your fists clenched up tightly by your side. “Excuse me?” Renjun furrowed his brows in confusion, being taken aback as he took a step towards you with his suitcase in hand. “What are you even talking about?” he asked, letting the air sink back into his lungs from all the running he had to do all over the amusement park. “Madam Wendy told me everything in this letter,” you shoved the letter against his chest, watching as shock took over his features.

“Wendy sent a letter?” he gaped, his jaw dropping to the floor as he inspected what seems to be his caretaker’s handwritten letter. “She told me about the three rules, how you ran away against her wishes, everything! Were you not going to tell me these important details?” you hopped off of the first few steps of your trailer to come closer to the boy you love deeply in front of you. “Or did you forget to tell me something as serious as that?” you snapped, sadness and betrayal flossing over your eyes.

Renjun felt his heart sink into his stomach at your hurtful expression, he was so caught up in the fantasy of running away with you, he completely forgot about his fragile condition for a brief moment. “Who even are you, Renjun? I want to know who’s the man I’m falling in love with,” you gripped the hem of your dress to keep yourself from screaming at him out of pure frustration and anger, feeling your heart ready to explode at the fact that you had the potential to kill him if your relationship proceeded from this far on. 

“I wouldn’t ever forgive myself if you died,” you tried hard to swallow the lump in your throat, looking down to hide your glossy eyes as you tried your best not to think of what would happen to him if you hadn’t received that letter. 

Renjun froze in place, his eyes turning glossy with his own tears as he watched you speak, the words jammed at the back of his throat as he knew, deep down, there was nothing he could do to change your mind. It was far too late, he can’t do anything to change your mind anymore. “I refuse to love you, I refuse to be a murderer. That’s not my idea of love,” you shook your head at him, putting the back of your hand against your eyelids to wipe away the tears. Every word that came out of your mouth felt like a dagger into his mechanical heart. It hurt. Renjun was hurting. His heart was breaking right in front of you, and you both knew it. 

“It’s selfish,” you couldn’t help but splutter out. “No, wait. You got it all wrong, y/n,” he finally spoke up, frustration filling his veins as he found the courage to speak up. “Oh, so you didn’t escape your guardian’s home without permission, thus causing her to worry about you for the past few weeks with no information whatsoever?” you snapped, putting your hands on your hips after you wiped your tears away. “Yes, but that isn’t the problem here!” he shook his head, taking a step towards you as he groaned in frustration. 

“There you go! Oh, so now you’re going to disobey another rule and lose your temper?” 

“It’s not like that! Just listen to me-” Renjun reached his hand out to your face before his body started twitching in pain, causing him to drop on his knees as gears and screws popped out of his heart. You gasped, watching as your lover writhe in pain on his knees, letting out pained grunts for the next fifteen seconds right in front of you. Thus, giving you a brief image of what was going to happen if you continued on. 

“You’re scaring me, Renjun.” 

“I’m sorry.” he breathed out, putting his hand on his knees as he ignored the steaming state of his cuckoo clock heart. Your eyes softened at his guilty figure, your hands laying limp by your sides as you let out a sad sigh. “Goodbye, Renjun.” Were your last words before you walked away from him, leaving him to deal with his own pain. 

“I did the craziest things for you. My life isn’t always topsy turvy when it comes to love, but I put my life in your hands because I truly love you,” Renjun confessed, causing you to pause in your step. You inhaled deeply, not giving him a spare glance. “Yes, I agree, your actions are inhumane at this point, but count me out, Renjun,” you hissed back, wrapping your arms around yourself to keep yourself from shaking and breaking down right in front of him. “I’d prefer you to be hurt like this than dead, I can’t live with myself if I was the reason for your passing,” you sighed, looking down at your shoes briefly.

“Please just leave me alone. I’m not running away with you.”

You didn’t look back as you walked away, ignoring the sound of a distraught Renjun getting to his knees, holding his heart in pain. His eyes scrunched up in pain as he let out small grunts, trying to get to his feet back to make his way back to the theater. He collapsed back to the concrete ground as soon as he got to his feet, the ear piercing sound of his clock falling apart before him lingered in his mind as cogs and screws popped out of his makeshift heart. He wanted to scream out your name and plead for you to come back into his embrace, but he knew you wouldn’t turn back. 

So he did the only thing that came into his mind in order to stop this unbearable pain. He got up to his feet, putting two hands on his clock and pulled hard, ignoring the physical pain it brought him as he tried to rip out his own heart from his chest. Letting out a scream of pain as he collapsed to the floor, pieces of wood and metal scattering across the floor and drops of blood dripping from the doors of his heart. 

“Renjun!”

Doyoung and Naeun came up to Renjun as quickly as they could, holding him up as he coughed heavily. “I want to change into a new clock, I’m so tired of this one constantly falling into bits every time I feel the slightest bit of joy,” he mumbled almost monotonously, letting out another fit of coughs afterward. “Madam Wendy was right,” he added with a light painful laugh. “I suppose I have some spare parts to help you fix your clock from my camera, I’ll go get them-” Doyoung insisted but Renjun gripped on the older man’s wrist urgently. 

“No, I want a new heart. I’m tired of this one. One that works. I’ll never fall in love again,” he leaned over, cupping his mouth as he coughed once again, feeling more gears pop out of his clock like a confetti from a canon. “You’re running out of time, Renjun, you must seek help immediately. Is there anything you can do to salvage what’s left of your heart until you get back to Edinburgh?” Doyoung asked, furrowing his brows. “I can’t, I gave the key to Y/n. She left me, I can’t get it back anymore,” Renjun shook his head sadly, looking down at his own blood staining his fingertips.

“That key is your life, Renjun! You took a huge risk,” Doyoung shook his head at how deeply in love the boy in front of him was. “I know,” he mumbled, his words becoming more breathy by the moment. “You must return to Edinburgh and have Wendy patch you up again, it’s the only way to save your life,” Doyoung slung an arm around his shoulder, lifting him up as Naeun helped with carrying his suitcase. 

Doyoung led a heartbroken Renjun onto a carriage to the nearest train station. He insisted on coming with the young lad but Renjun wanted to face the consequences of his actions alone, he couldn’t bear to rip his friend away from the path of success he was walking into. So, with a heavy heart, Renjun rode the train back to Edinburgh with his eyes closed and his heart hurting like hell against his chest. 

‘This must be the same feeling Pip went through when Estella finally broke his heart to elope with some other man she didn’t love.’ he thought bitterly to himself.

-

“Madam Wendy what?” your jaw dropped as San shared a new bit of information. 

He leaned over, showing you the newspaper he was reading which informed you that Madam Wendy had passed in her prison cell. Apparently, she was caught for tampering with mechanics on a dangerous level with her other patients and was thrown in jail once again, but the disappearance of her adopted child had a great impact on her health, therefore she left her body in the cell she was staying in. 

“Oh, no. Oh dear god, no,” you hopped out of San’s performance tent, patting your pockets and pulling out the key that belongs to Renjun’s heart. “What’s wrong?” San asked, pulling the cigarette out of his mouth as he stood up as well, worried as his brows furrowed in confusion. “Renjun gave me the key to his heart, I forgot to give it back,” you yelled back, running as quick as you could to the theater, the only place where Renjun could be at the moment. 

You knocked as hard as you could, calling out the boy’s name in a panic. “Miss Y/n? What are you doing here?” Doyoung asked, opening the door as he rubbed his eyes from the lack of sleep. “Can you tell me where I can find Renjun? I still have the key to his heart,” you asked in an abrupt tone, showing the older man the key in your palms. “Nothing to worry about, Miss! He’s on his way back to Edinburgh as we speak, Doctor Wendy can patch him up in a jiffy!” Doyoung smiled. 

“That’s what I’m afraid of, oh god, no. But Madam Wendy’s passed away,” you informed, clenching your fists with the key in your hand. Doyoung’s eyes widened in surprise, his face turning pale at your words. “Oh boy, that isn’t good news. Go after him, hurry! Save Renjun before it’s too late, that’s what he wants more than anything. I put him on a carriage to the nearest train station. If you’re lucky, you might catch him on the train before it departs,” Doyoung rummaged through his bag, pulling out a random journal. 

“Here, take this. In case you don’t catch up to him, here’s something to read on the way. It’s a journal I kept ever since the very day I met Renjun,” he handed you the journal as Naeun called another carriage for you to ride to the train station. You sighed, your head filled with worry as you looked up at the two adults willing to help you save Renjun despite the fact that you were the main reason why he was in this mess in the first place. 

“Thank you.”

-

Renjun laid in the snow, near the house where he used to call home. Sniffling as he leaned against the tree at the bottom of the hill. Joy and Yeri had contacted him and brought him the news of his caretaker’s passing. Sulking as guilt took over his body, regretting every single decision he had made the past few months. And now he’s going to suffer the consequences of dying all alone. He couldn’t walk into his own home after the news, choosing to lay down under the snow to let himself slowly freeze to death and possibly hypothermia. 

So now, he was taking his last few breaths, enjoying the bright sky as he watched his skin froze, tears slowly turning into eyes as he laid there all heartbroken and damaged. His hair was white from the snowfall, with bits of brown peaking out in between as he sniffled and sobbed over the loss of his mother. Taking deep breaths to regain his composure, as his skin grew numb against the cold. 

“Renjun! I’m here!” 

It was as if the God above had decided to send an angel back to help him, he slowly looked up with half lidded eyes, a small shaky smile spreading across his lips as you fell to your knees to help him. “Renjun, oh dear god, no,” you whimpered, leaning close as you laid a hand on his jaw, making him lean his head up to look at you weakly. You grimaced at his cold skin, it felt like ice to you. It was as if he was turning into a giant ice cube right in front of you.

His appearance made your heart break. He looked so pale and broken since the last time you saw him. His eyes were red and swollen from the tears, snow gathering on his eyelashes, eyebrows, hair and clothing. Hell, he was wearing nothing but the thin coat he wore the last time you saw him. Dried blood was stuck to his cuckoo clock heart which was in a worse condition than it was back in Andalusia. You ran your thumb over his soft cheek, making him lean his face against your warm touch as you wiped the snow away from his skin. His breathing was slow, as if he was taking every breath he could before his last. 

With a shaky hand, you placed what's left of his heart back into their original place, your breathing becoming shaky as you held back your tears. It truly hurt you to see Renjun in this state, you knew he was on the brink of death. You didn’t even want to think about what would have happened if you had arrived much much later.

You pulled out the key to his heart from the inner pocket of your coat, leaning forward to press the key into his heart. But alas, his hand stopped you as he gently gripped your wrist and pulled it away from him. “No, I’m not too late. I’m not letting you die here, just let me turn the key,” you shook your head, blinking back the tears as you pushed your glasses up from the bridge of your nose. “I came back to save you, please just let me do this,” you pleaded, caressing his cheek with your thumb in a futile attempt to convince the love of your life to let you save him. 

“You came all the way back for me,” a tear streaked down Renjun’s cheek which froze under the cold atmosphere, sticking to his cheek. “That’s the most extraordinary turn you could ever give my heart,” he laughed slightly, half lidded eyes trying their best to stay open as his vision began to grow blurry and he wasn’t sure if it was because he was losing consciousness or if it was because of the tears he was holding back.

He tugged the key out of your hand before tossing it over the hill. “No, Renjun, what did you do?!” you panicked, your eyes growing wide at the key disappearing from your line of vision. “No, why did you do that?” you shook your head at him, pressing your body close to him as he leaned his back against the tree. “From now on, whatever happens to me,” Renjun spoke, giving you the same boyish smile he sent your way on your last day in Edinburgh two years ago. “I’ll only have myself to blame,” he sighed, intertwining your free hand with his icy cold one. 

“So now you can kiss me.” 

Your heart broke as you finally let your tears go, squeezing his hand tightly in yours as you sniffled. “As I said before, the things you do are absolutely inhumane,” you pushed your forehead against his, feeling your tears hit his wet clothes as you felt his other hand go to your jaw. “I’m just upset I never got to give you the painting I’d been working so hard on for all these years,” he chuckled, his eyes growing even more red as his tears streamed down his face like a leaking tap.

He caressed your jaw in his hand, eyes scanning your face one last time as he came with the fact that this was your last goodbye before he leaves for good. “If we were ever to be reborn again, I would still wish and pray for the gods to make you my first and last love,” he couldn’t help but laugh to stifle a sob that erupted from his throat. “And if we were ever to be reborn again, I hope you can always continue to smile like that until the day you close your eyes for good,” you nuzzled your forehead against his, sniffling hard. 

Thus with eyes clenched shut, you and Renjun pressed your lips together in unison for a passionate yet innocent kiss. You could hear the last strike of Renjun’s ticking clock, a loud ‘cuckoo’ piercing the quiet atmosphere as Renjun pulled you closer to him by wrapping an arm around your back and leaning his head to the side for a better angle. Your warm soft lips pressed onto his cold chapped ones, wet from the snow.  Your intertwined hands squeezing each other as you felt his mechanical heart put a ring on your own.

The next time Renjun opened his eyes, he was at the gates of heaven, standing in front of an actual angel with a bright expression on his face. “Huang Renjun, I assume?” the angel greeted, a soft smile spreading across their face as Renjun nodded. “You seem a bit too young to be up in heaven. Aren’t you just 18 years old?” the angel asked, pulling out a clipboard to look through Renjun’s life data. “I was almost nineteen, though,” Renjun shrugged, his wide smile never disappearing from his facial features.

“I’m so sorry you had to leave life so soon, young man,” the angel cooed, taking out a pen from their desk as they began to fill out Renjun’s form for his plans now that he’s in the afterlife. “Care to tell me what happened while I do the paperwork for you?” the angel asked, sticking their tongue out as they wrote Renjun’s life information on the glowing paper with a messy handwriting, reminding him of the postcard you had sent him less than a couple months ago. 

Renjun looked around the bright place he was in, sighing heavily as he stared up the gates of heaven with a content expression. He swiped his tongue over his pink lips as he finally felt his heart no longer empty, 

“I fell in love.” 

a/n: i didn’t like how this turned out lmfao but oh well HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE LOVE OF MY LIFE, HUANG RENJUN MWUAH

¤ taglist: @leetaeyonglover @lebrookestore @oifelixcmerebrou @vera-liscious @kunrengui @thats-a-jen-no-no

[neonacity]

HYACINTHE | CHAPTER 3: JAEMIN X READER

SUMMARY:

Na Jaemin is far from being your typical 20 year old. Instead of slaving through college, he wastes away his hours cracking safes. Weekends that should be spent partying with friends consist of illegal races on good days and small scale bombings on bad ones. Na Jaemin is far from being average, unless you consider being a member of Seoul’s top organized crime family normal.

There is no such thing as a sense of normality and peace in his trainwreck of a life, so when he met a barista who was brave enough to call out his dangerous taste in coffee, he was like a moth to the flame. Everything about her is normal, which means she is forbidden to him, in all sense of the word. So why, then, does he always find himself at the front steps of her shop, breaking all his personal rules even if he wishes he could stay away?

A/N + Disclaimer: this is a side story to Black Daisies, my main mafia fic feat. 0T23. While the plot is based on the main story, this can also be read as a standalone fic. As usual, this is purely a work of fiction and in no way am I implying any member of NCT to behave the way I write them here. tw: crimes, heists, potential death, mentions of drugs and other illegal activities.

PAIRING: Jaemin x Reader

TW: illegal activities, gunshot wound, mentions of blood

CHAPTER 1

CHAPTER 2

FIC TRAILER

MASTERLIST

"Another bank was looted last night around 11PM, this time in the Geumchon district. This is the second bank that was broken into in the past week and the fourth that is rumored to be the doing of one of Seoul's organized criminal…."

I sighed and put down the pen that I have been using to scribble on a piece of napkin. A frown creased my forehead before I grabbed the offending piece of flimsy paper and crumpled it with my hand. Jeno, who was silently watching the news, looked up and shot me a curious look. He was leaning over the counter lazily, his cup of half finished hot cocoa beside him. 

"You okay?"

I winced. "Yeah... Actually. Actually, no. I am not okay," I said finally as I threw the used napkin to the closest thrash. I have been scribbling all the things I have to pay for the coming month there and couldn't bear to take another look at it. Jeno grabbed his drink and silently took a sip of it, obviously waiting for me to elaborate.

After my initial 'unplanned' meeting with Jaemin's friends, it has become more or less of their routine to drop by the cafe to hangout. Jaemin was initially against it at first, always scowling whenever he would see one of them already in the shop, though it seems like he has gotten used to it lately—or rather, he didn't have any other choice but to simply accept it. They would often sometimes come in groups—Jisung and Chenle are big fans of the pastries—but other times it's just one of them who would drop by to visit like Jeno now. My favorite is when all of them drops by to visit, not only because I've started getting closer to them too, but because customers would automatically flock into the shop whenever the "handsome gang" is there. Honestly, I couldn't blame them.

"I'm a little bit short on money this month. I was supposed to get my monthly allowance from my scholarship but something happened so it will be delayed. I have lab things to buy and well—everything sucks." 

Jeno nodded slowly, though I have a feeling he doesn't really understand my plight with money. Spending time with the seven of them has given me a better understanding of each boys' personalities. Jeno, for example, is definitely the calmer one of the bunch. While the others would cause chaos every now and then—Jaemin included, he would be on the side watching them usually with that adorable eye smile of his. He is different from Mark who would mostly jump in to join the fun before calming everyone once things get overboard, though both seem to share the same responsibility over the group. He also seems to be the closest to Jaemin, so by extension, I am also most comfortable around him. 

"How much money do you need?" 

I gave him a look as I reached out for a paper cup to make myself my own hot cocoa. 

"I heard the same question from your best friend before. Are you also going to offer to be my sugar daddy?" 

Jeno choked on his drink and hid his laughter behind his raised cup. 

"Do you want Jaemin to kill me?" 

That made me inappropriately blush.

"Sometimes I just want to bust out a bank like that group everyone is talking about." 

Jeno didn't say anything and continued watching me from the brim of his drink. 

"You think you can do it?" 

"Do what?" I asked as I poured hot cocoa on my cup. I said that off-handedly, I almost forgot my words the moment they left my lips. 

"Rob a bank. You know, do something illegal." 

I leaned back against the counter and craned my head a little sideways as I thought the question over. I didn't actually think of that before so I had to listen to my moral compass a little bit before answering. 

"It depends on the reason." 

Jeno looked surprised by my reply. He was probably expecting a goody two shoes answer from me, which I don’t blame him for, to be honest. Even I am mildly shocked by what I said. 

"The reason?" 

"Yes. I mean, if the only reason I would steal is because I don't have money to support my studies, then no, I wouldn't do it. I have other options. I can work extra jobs or I can just drop out from uni. But if I didn't really have any other choice, if I had to do it for someone really close to me, for example, then I would do it." 

"That is very…"

"Cliche, right? I know. But that's how it works, at least for me," I said with a laugh. "I do know what's good and bad, but I'm willing to jump the gun if I have to." 

I didn't know if it was my imagination, but I thought I heard Jeno murmur something under his breath as I turned to get back to work. 

"I bet Jaemin wouldn't like that." 

-----

PRESENT DAY, a little over one month after the happenings in the first chapter. 

They disappeared like bubbles. No, he disappeared in thin air, like smoke that was blown over by a strong gust of wind. After that night when Jaemin bust through my cafe door, hiding god knows what and asking for temporary shelter, he hasn't shown himself again, apparently leaving while I slipped into a light sleep. Even his friends stopped visiting the cafe which, for a few days, made me genuinely feel scared. Are they okay? What happened to him? Who was he running away from?

That worry slowly and gradually morphed into anger as the days lengthened. I know it was my way of coping with my emotions, but I couldn't help myself. I tried calling him, but the line was cut. It even came to the point that I had to call each of his friends, but it seems like the numbers they gave me were all temporary ones, too. I felt frustrated. I felt...abandoned. 

Was it really easy for him to just cut off all contact with me? 

Was it foolish of me to think that there is...something deeper here than just friendship?

It was the start of winter when the loud ringing of my phone woke me up from my nap. Eyes still heavy with sleep, my first instinct was to look at the clock by my table which registered 1:19AM. I frowned. I was in the middle of finishing a paper before I decided to take a nap but who could be calling me at such an ungodly hour? 

I blearily reached out for my phone and barely looked at the unregistered number before hitting the answer button. 

"Hello?" 

"Noona?"

I froze. Just like that, I felt the sleepiness slowly melt away from my consciousness. I know that voice. 

"Jisung?" 

"Noona, we need your help." 

I sat up on my seat after registering the panic in his voice. I heard another tone suddenly hiss at him from the background before a rustling sound overtook the speakers. It sounded like someone grabbed the phone from his grasp before he could even react.

"Jisung. What's happening—"

"Hello?" The new voice that spoke on the other line made my heart stop. I stared at my wall, wide-eyed.

"Jaemin." 

"I'm sorry. We didn't mean to—"

"Jaemin, we don’t really have any other choice but her, give me the phone," another one jumped in. It was Mark. 

"No. Hyung—"

"We're losing him," my lips parted in shock at what I heard. His voice sounded clearer now and I could very much pick up the iciness on it. Mark has always been so friendly and warm that it threw me off guard. 

"Give me the phone." 

The authority he held made me assume that Jaemin did as he was told. Next thing I know, he was calling out my name from the speaker.

"Mark, yes, I'm listening." 

"Hey. I'm really sorry about this, but we need your help. We really have no other choice, Haechan is in such a bad state—"

That made me stand up and push away from my desk.

"What the hell is going on? What do you mean about Haechan?"

"I'll explain later. We're on our way to you now."

"Wait, what? You don't know my address."

"We'll be there in seven minutes."

That was all he said before he cut off the call, leaving me standing shell-shocked in the middle of my room.

---

They banged on my door not even five minutes after. I had barely pulled on a cardigan when loud knocks rang through my small one bedroom unit causing me to quickly run and grab my knob open. 

I stood frozen at the sight of the seven boys crowding my doorway. Everyone was covered in some sort of soot, leaving them almost unrecognizable in their black outfits. Mark and Jeno were in the middle of the group, carrying a half-conscious Haechan between them. Jisung, Chenle, and Renjun brought the rear, their eyes moving wildly as if checking for eavesdroppers. Jaemin stood closest to me, his jaw tense and his eyes apologetic. My gaze snapped back to the center of the group when Mark called out my name. 

That's when I saw it for the first time. I didn't notice it at first because of its dark color, but Jeno was holding a towel against Haechan's stomach. Except it isn't black, it was a deep dark red.

Blood. 

"Oh my god." 

"Please help us." 

Maybe it was the shock, but I quickly stepped aside to let everyone in. I had barely slammed the door shut when I heard a crashing sound from my small dining area. Jeno pushed everything on top of my table to the ground as Mark and Jaemin gently guided Haechan on it. 

"What—what is going on—"

"He's been shot. Thrice. We're not sure but I think two of the bullets are still there," Renjun answered me as he grabbed the soaked towel from Mark's hand and replaced it with a new one. Jisung and Chenle worked on closing all the shutters of my windows while Jaemin tore off a lamp from my living room to move it close to Haechan. He closed all other lights other than the ones on the dining area and the small lamp.

It was then when my training finally kicked in. I ran towards the table to peer at the wound, my shaking hands gently moving the new towel that is quickly getting soaked by blood again. Haechan gave a soft grunt of pain before slipping to unconsciousness again. 

"I think there are still foreign objects there. It's what causing the severe bleeding."

"Can you take it out?"

My eyes shot to Jeno. The harsh lights from the lamp threw strong shadows on his stressed features. 

"I'm not a licensed doctor."

"We don't need a licensed doctor right now, we need someone who can patch the hole in his stomach. Please." 

I gritted my teeth. I have a ton of questions running through my head right now, but he's right. We need to act fast or else we will lose him. I rolled up my sleeves then and called out to whoever can act fast to my orders. 

"Somebody get the black box under my bed. I have all my surgery practice tools there. I need hot water and lots of towels. Everyone move. Now."

As soon as I said my orders, each of the boys were moving in a flurry to get everything that I asked for. I was adjusting the small lamp directly over the wound to peer at it better when I felt a gentle hand circle around my arm. I looked up to see Jaemin staring at me. 

"Thank you." 

I didn't say anything at first. I don't know if it was the shadows playing over his features, but he looked different from the Jaemin I knew in that brief moment.

"Don't thank me yet. Say that once we're sure he survives."

---

I was stirred from my sleep by the light snoring of someone to my right. Turning my head, I was greeted by the sight of Jisung who was currently sprawled on my sofa, his legs so long that they were dangling on one end. Chenle was on the floor below him, his face covered by one of the pillows he probably fished from one of my love seats cradling Renjun's curled up form. Mark and Jeno were both sitting upright, the former close to Haechan and the other by the door like a sentinel. They seemed to be in deep sleep too, they're heads hanging low. Jaemin was on the floor next to my seat, his breathing slow and relaxed. 

I blinked slowly as my gaze moved from boy to boy. It took me a painful two hours to do the impromptu surgery, first working on taking the bullets out before sewing everything back together. Haechan was lucky enough that the bullets didn't hit any vital organs or important vessels, and that the extreme bleeding was only caused by the wrong muscle being hit by the impact. He slipped from being conscious to unconscious throughout, and everyone had to work together to help me while I did my thing. 

I couldn’t really blame any of them from crashing the moment we made sure that Haechan’s safe—for now. 

After rubbing the sleep from my eyes, I tried to silently move from where I was curled on, careful not to stir anyone. I still have a ton of questions, but those can be taken care of later. I padded as carefully as I could towards the table where Haechan was still resting and peered at the IV that I had hooked on his arm to make sure everything was moving well. 

They even have spare blood bags with them for emergency transfusions. 

...As if this kind of thing normally happens.

"He's going to be okay, right?" 

I hastily turned to see Jaemin staring at me. His voice was low and was only loud enough for me to hear. 

I stared at him for a bit before looking away. 

"Yes. He'll survive."

"Thank you so much." 

I didn't answer. He also didn't say anything else, though I could still feel his gaze heavily on me. I braced myself before speaking again.

"We need to talk." 

I didn't wait for him to reply. I simply walked towards my room, leaving my door open for him to follow. I only turned back to look at him when I finally heard it close softly behind him.

"Who are you?" I asked, before he could even say anything else. I watched as his jaw tightened and released, his eyes full of indecisiveness. I didn't waver. Not this time. 

"You said…"

"That I will never ask questions? I did. But I can't do it anymore, Jaemin. You disappeared for a month without even saying goodbye then showed up on my door with your friends, one of them with a hole in their stomach. You have blood bags—freaking blood bags. What the hell is going on?" 

I tried my hardest to control my voice, not wanting any part of this conversation to be heard outside. My legs felt weak at the moment but I tried my best to continue standing so I could hold his gaze. 

The look in Jaemin's eyes, however, almost made me want to give up. I knew from the pain and hesitation there that I wouldn't like whatever it is he is about to say.

"I'm a criminal."

My stomach dropped. 

I was expecting it, but hearing it straight from him didn't soften the impact and the shock. 

"A…" 

"We steal. We do illegal things. There is absolutely no good way for me to describe this, but yes, I am a runaway who was stupid enough to bring you into this mess," Jaemin said through gritted teeth as he tore his eyes away from me. He ran a hand through his hair and tried to take a deep breath to steady himself.

"I was stupid and I'm sorry. I shouldn't have gone back and tried to befriend you after that order of coffee. I'm sorry I ran to you that night a month ago. I seriously thought I was going to die and I wanted you to be the one that I see for the last time. I'm sorry for today, or that I couldn't answer any of your questions back then. It was selfish of me to keep you in my life without giving you anything back," he stopped and forced himself to look at me again. My heart squeezed painfully in my chest when our gazes met. 

"I'm sorry." 

I didn't… couldn't say anything. One part of me had already expected this because it is the only reason that makes sense. Those vague answers, his detachment from normal society, the money, every clue seems to point to one direction, but that didn't spare me from my moral dilemma now. Because while I knew, I didn't exactly consider how it relates to me.

I was afraid to.

Because the truth is, I like Na Jaemin to the extent that I'm afraid of what I can do for him.

"Do you kill…" I asked in a whisper, my voice shaky. A frown passed his already stressed features before he answered.

"No. None of us do," he answered, and I knew then that he was telling the truth. Regardless of what he is or what he didn't tell me, I trust him to not lie to me.

"Am I—am I in danger?" I asked next. He firmly shook his head.

"No. I made sure of that. No one would dare—" he stopped, as if gauging what words he can use to not scare me even more. "You have always been under protection." 

That’s when it clicked. The cafe visits from his friends. The random strangers who seem to spring out from nowhere every time I was out and about and needed sudden help. 

My legs finally gave way and I collapsed on my bed behind me. My mind was trying its best to wrap around the situation, leaving my thoughts in a jumble. There are a million things I wanted to say, but I couldn’t get a single one out at the moment. 

Jaemin seemed to know what I was feeling at the very least because he simply stood there, silently watching me. I'm not sure how long the two of us stayed in that bubble of silence, but it was also him who brought me back to reality when I felt warmth cover my hands.

I looked up to see him kneeling in front of me, both his hands gently enveloping my clasped ones. The look in his eyes made my heart lurch, but I couldn't bring myself to say anything still. 

"I'm sorry if I was selfish… I promise, after this, you won't have to worry about anything else."

No. 

"When I met you, I saw something that's so different from the life that I have. Believe me, I tried my best to leave you alone, but I wanted more of it—more of —you, so I kept coming back." 

Are you going to leave me again?

"But you'll be safe now. I promise. You can go back to how it used to be before I… almost ruined it." 

Please don't leave me. 

Jaemin gave my hands one last squeeze and I felt him move to straighten himself. Before he let them go, however, another gentle warmth pressed against my forehead as he grazed it with his lips. 

"Thank you."

My tears dropped the same time the doors closed behind him. 

---

Chapter 4

[tendertokyo]

Hi hello

because the n in nct stands for nicotine, i will now read you what kind of smoker aura each of the boys in neo city has, as the chain smoker that i am. no one asked for this and i don't care, i just wanna see how many people agree with me lol.

(this is all for shits and giggles, don't take this too seriously, i am but a simple moron in this fandom of clownery)

taeil: tried to hit on a female woman once at some small get-together or smth, she offered him a cig, he took one drag to get on her good side and violently coughed his lungs out rip

taeyong: i feel like he smokes weed on his own every once in a while, purely to have a cathartic cry session

johnny: king of tobacco and weed, tell me i'm wrong. he is the reason all this crap started, he's that one chaotic evil friend who just offers you to try shit at parties. has made his own bong and loves it the way you'd love your family pet. cackles evilly when stoned and plants stupid ideas into everyone's heads, teaches everyone how to blow smoke rings

yuta: he buys a pack every now and then, prefers to smoke in company rather than on his own. loves a good old cig after sex though (as the triple scorpio that he is)

kun: doesn't smoke, but if he did let's face it he'd chainsmoke like a motherfucker from all that yangyanghenderychenle induced stress

doyoung: this man is so done, he doesn't give a fuck anymore. smokes those ultra thin mom cigarettes and holds them real bitchy. try to fight him, he dares you

ten: doesn't smoke. doesn't like the smell sticking to his hair

jaehyun: jeffrey y'all... we ain't even gonna talk about him smh... weed/vape combo that's all i have to say... dumbass fried half his braincells off lmao screwdriver lookin ass

winwin: doesn't smoke, lowkey judges people who do

jungwoo: confirmed he smokes, knows he looks hot while doing it. looks like he rolls tobacco but can't be sure. if he does, props to him because tobacco kicks industrial cigarette ass. king shit

lucas: also a confirmed smoker, 100% does it to look cool. doesn't hold the smoke in his lungs long enough and immediately blows it out but who cares, he looks sexy as shit. holds it all manly cause he likes it when bitches look at his hands

mark: i feel like morky mork didn't smoke at first but then he debuted 4 fucking times and was just like eh fuck it. my manz loves weed and has this weird aura of highly functioning stoner. has weird ass flavoured rolling papers. will bum a cig off of someone if he's stressed

xiaojun: doesn't smoke, never really wanted to

hendery: listen if you told me this boy tried crack i'd believe you. do i believe he smokes weed, of course i do. makes excellent brownies and that's all he can do well in the kitchen

renjun: this one has a level of rage within himself that can only point to marlboro red touch, i don't care. takes really aesthetic pics of himself while smoking to show how "artsy depressed" he is

jeno: doesn't smoke. is the friend who cleans out the ashtray when it gets too full god bless him

haechan: he's the guy who tries to prove to everyone that he smokes like a boss even though he isn't a smoker, better at holding in smoke than lucas but has no idea how to hold the damn cig in his hand, wants to impress johnny his devoted father

jaemin: rarely smokes weed but when he does it has to be in a big circle with all his friends, calls it "bonding time" and uses the excuse of being stoned to kiss and cuddle everyone despite their refusal, makes up really weird topics to talk about, at one point will just zone out and stare at the ceiling for 10 mins

yangyang: haechan 2.0, everyone thinks he's a stoner but he isn't, peer pressured into it every time but doesn't mind 'cause he thinks it fits his street cred

shotaro & sungchan: can't tell, i don't know much about them

chenle: johnny's number one student and you can't tell me otherwise. has like 7 "guys" around town he's on first name basis with. fucking weed connoisseur, can roll a perfect blunt in less than a minute. fuck i wanna smoke with him sooo bad, he'd be so much fun. wants to do stupid shit when high, not allowed access to the kitchen or the balcony for that reason. prefers tobacco over industrial cigs 'cause he's the main character

jisung: wants to try smoking weed but too anxious to actually do it. loves watching everyone else get stoned though, thinks it's hilarious

thank you for coming to my tedtalk

[hannie-dul-set]

who in nct dream would agree to fake date you

back with another shit post and it's fake dating edition with the dreamies!!! haha we all know how terribly well fake dating ends :) i have a similar one with 127 but it's smooching here so if u wanna wink wink

mark: inhales. okay. okay. he's gonna think he heard it wrong at first and be like haha right, but then you repeat it so now he's haha— w h a t. fake date to get back at ur ex??? why? where? when? how? whO??? very hesitant but this is marky we're talking of course he's gonna agree but you have a lot to work with good luck lmao you're gonna lara jean and peter kavinsky this shit but like +80 sweaty palms +50 awkward voice cracks when he calls u "babe" +100% chance that he's gonna fall in love with you so | rating: 6/10 it's really fun actually as long as u don't think about the repercussions.

renjun: [gagging noises] "ew? why the fuck would i date you?" "it's fake dating renjun, c'mon i don't need another miserable family reunion" "why the fuck—" he's thinking that you're crazy, you're out of your mind. that is until your bribe him with some money and a promise that you won't bully him for the rest of the month them maybe he's considering. but then the day comes and your aunt asks you when your anniversary is and you both respectively answered "july 7" and "december 25" | rating: 4/10 because he did terribly the first time and now he's insisting to do it again to defend his honor.

jeno: okay at first— jeno.png but then he recovers and like "oh sure haha" and you're squealing because oh my fucking god jeno ur an angel now i can finally prove to my friends that i'm not a single loser anymore. jeno is like "yeah no problem :)" but watch him wikihow to be a fake boyfriend. fake dating 101. how to NOT fall in love with ur fake s/o and he's a mess really oh my god. jeno thinks he's ready. jeno thinks he's prepared. but the moment his hand BARLELY grazes yours, a volcano would erupt in his head good bye | rating: 5/10 because you'd end up with a very broken jeno but your friends are like awww he's so shy so it actually works out?

haechan: if hyuck is gonna do this then he's gonna do this RIGHT my god. "here's how we met, how i asked you out, how you fell in love with me— memorize it, bitch" and jesus you're like you signed up for a fake relationship not a fucking supplementary class but hyuck is like "MEMORIZE IF YOU WANT THIS TO WORK, YOU WORM" and you're like "OKAY U PSYCHO" and he'd stop. stare at you. offended. and gASP "baby, how could call your boyfriend a psycho i'm hurt" and you're like what the fuck did you just get yourself in to | rating: 8/10 gruelling preparations aside, he plays his part well

jaemin: your best bet really. he's good at it. like reallyyyy good you might actually find yourself falling for him fr and you're like whoa we're breaching dangerous territory here haha. you asked him to be ur fake bf because ur cousin was getting married and you're very salty but my GOD all your relatives love him nana is insane. but again, he plays his role too well. lingering feeling of his arm around your waist. when he wiped the frosting from your lips while you were eating the wedding cake. his protective hold when some of your friends get a little close and you're like fuck. you're a goner | rating: 9/10 minus 1 bcs nana this is supposed to be fake what are u doing.

chenle: the only circumstance that he'd actually agree is when he he's absolutely bored and has nothing else to do. and like, don't expect him to take it seriously either lmao. ur like "chenle just hold my fucking hand" "ew what if you have cooties" "hold. the fucking. hand." and then when someone asks you how you started dating, you were about to tell the whole made up story that you came up with but chenle opened his damned mouth before you and said "y/n was chasing after me for a long time so i just agreed because—" "hAHA HE LIKES :) TO JOKE :) AROUND :) we're in love very in love. right, lele?" | rating: 3/10 he has the decency to get you free stuff.

jisung: do you.... want him to die? do you really want him to die? literally the very act of asking if him to fake date you will get him like fake date? date? did you like him? but wait it's fake? wait why is his heart beating so fast oh my god did he like you? shit well damn i guess jisung likes you now. and because he has now suddenly realized that he likes you, he can't say no right?? right??? but then he realizes that you have to do all those couple-y stuff which he may want to but oh my god what even how and u realize that this was really really bad idea because smoke starts emitting from his head and you're like oh my god | rating: 1/10 please don't try this at home.

[kaepopsicle]

Will you do the same fanfic moot thing? 🥰😊☺️

yes yes yes I will <33 — this is going to be really long lmao

[ @sarahbkwl ]

crack fluff — her and ten go to an art museum and compare each other to the weird looking statues and paintings

[ @rr0zu ]

romantic fluff — absolutely beautiful words and just paints a pretty picture, her and jaehyun walking down New York City while holding hands // wearing semi matching outfits ,, the sun going down behind them

[ @starrdustville ]

holiday fluff — her and doyoung putting up Christmas decorations and he lifts her up to put the star on the tree and he says something like “you’re the prettiest star of them all.”

[ @himitsu-luna ]

literally just fluff — taeil and her baking cupcakes but ends up messing them and up and just putting frosting on each other tehehehe

[ @floweringtheflowers ]

crack teen — her in the library with mark and they’re trying to study but keeps kicking each other under the table and end up throwing books and paper balls at earth other

[ @babyyangx2 ]

more romantic fluff — her and yangyang at an arcade and he’s trying very hard to get a stuffie for her (and him) from the claw machine

[ @beomqyu-s ]

fluff — she is going to an amusement park with txt and you guys are all cute and matching and having fun ,, trying to scare each other on the rides

[ @hangsxng ]

crack fluff — they are going to a mall with jaemin and they do that cute tiktok trend where they close their eyes and pick random pieces of clothing and try them on and have a whole runway show for each other

[ @ncitythoughts ]

pretty much all of these are crack fluff — her, john, and taeyong are doing those wine and paint classes but they all just end up messing each others paintings up and get drunk and laugh about it later

[ @imjustuhhvibing ]

shotaro is trying to teach her japanese and he laughs at her pronounciation and he thinks it’s super cute when she gets annoyed at his teasing

[ @yejisea ]

chenle and her going to see a scary movie and chenle ends up getting scared and spilling the popcorn on both of them

[ @liudejuns ]

friday night bf vibes — her and xiaojun chilling at in their apartment,, jun is playing his guitar singing to her while she’s laying on the couch watching him,, has her arm resting on the back of the sofa while she’s smiling at him

[ @yongsprout ] (ope you changed your name uwu)

taeyong was playing among us with her and he turns out to be the imposter and kills her — and immediately goes to apologize to her - “ahhh I’m so sorry !! I had toooo”

[ @junguwuta ]

her and jungwoo were watching a cooking show and trying to recreate the dish — ends up causing the smoke alarms to siren and the rest of the members run in thinking there was a fire and turns out it was just them, standing with powder on their faces

[ @strwberryneo ]

jisung and her are playing video games and she’s beating him so he messes up her controller so he can win and she ends up tackling him and they playfight and chenle walks in stares at them and walks out not wanting to know what happened

[ @heartyyjeno ]

jeno finally convinced her to go on a run with him and she does but ends up getting tired half way through so he carries her the rest of the way and they get ice cream

[ @mairah-shaikh ]

winwin, kun, and her go out to eat for dinner, and start discussing random conversations they think people at the restaurant are having

[ @btsastro ]

her and jungkook are filming a YouTube video where jungkook tries to do her makeup and ends up failing and starts laughing at how funny she looks

[ @fairvtale ]

lucas starts messing around and plays with her makeup and comes out at her looking like a clown and mocks her by saying “I’m the prettiest princess of all look at mee”

[ @johns-marshmallow ]

she’s in car with johnny and ‘do you want a build a snowman’ comes on so the two blast it and start scream singing it

[ @tinystupidwitch ]

goes out with hendery and he ends up hearing bad alive playing on the radio and starts crack dancing to it in public and she’s trying to act like she doesn’t know him but he starts dancing on her

[ @cloudychannieee ]

her and renjun were sitting on the floor painting and chilling until she decides to fuck up and put paint on his face and he decides to put paint on her face and they end up painting each other and getting paint everywhere and jaemin and doyoung come in and scolds you guys

[ @bbyyangiex2 ]

her and sungchan were at a gas station late at night to get some snacks and sungchan was making fun of her bc she couldn’t reach the top shelf and he grabs stuff for her while she kicks his shins and goes to get a slurpy

[ @moonbvul ]

haechan and her were playing just dance for fun but then they started getting intense and it turned into a competition and they just get super worked up and start getting all sweaty and tired but he wins and rubs it in her face while she smacks him

[ @danishmiilk ]

winwin was trying to read a book but she kept on bugging him and poking her head above the book trying to get his attention ;; he was trying to avoid her but she kept doing it until he finally put the book away and picked up up and asked her what she wanted — and she just wanted a hug

[ @yutaaaaaa ]

yuta and her were in osaka and she was so excited looking around seeing everything and freaking out while yuta was uwuing and blushing at how cute she is and gets her some stuffies and food and so when they end up getting back to the hotel her hands are full with goodies

[ @sush-iii ]

her and lucas were going shopping at a local grocery store — you decided to sit inside the shopping cart as he pushed you around, lowkey running you into things, you guys scream and laugh trying not to break anything

[ @thatkpopmeme ]

a fall / halloween au — chenle and jisung and her were exploring an graveyard at night, chenle was all excited while jisung was hiding behind her. not letting her go, and chenle ends up scaring the shit out of the two of them and laughs about it bc haha he thinks it’s so funny

[ @calypsohan ]

another holiday/birthday au — winwin and him were out getting snacks and soda for the party that ten was throwing, they end up goofing around and get everything except for the soda and snacks

[ @peachyhan ]

college au — jaemin and her were practicing for their dance final coming up and they had to master a salsa routine, you guys end up falling and laughing and not being able to take it seriously — but have a lot fun doing it

[ @ncteaxhoe ]

I want to say smut with John and Jae but I’m going to be fluffy and say it would be like a sleepover with Mark, and them, and you guys end up having a dance party at 2 am and doyoung comes in screaming at you to shut up

[ @ex0tic-vgh ]

was playing monopoly with markhyuck and mark ends up going to jail and haechan lands on his property having to pay him but he refuses bc and I quote “I’m not paying a criminal” (yes this is basically an au of that tiktok sound so all creds goes to that person he made it tehe — but imagine how accurate and funny that would be)

[ @seostudios ]

was sleeping peacefully on a Saturday when best friend!renjun comes in and literally jumps on top of her yelling for her to get up bc it’s his birthday and he wants to go party and get w a s t e d

[ @du0tine ]

goes skiing while yangyang and xiaojun and they were at the top and xiaojun got scared so yang being the bitch that he is pushes him down,, he ends up falling and being okay but throws a big chunk of snow in yangs face, and they end up snow fighting with solange is just trying to ski

[ @henderyprince ]

her and hendery were setting up a birthday party for kun but gets distracted but the decorations and ends up sucking up the helium balloons and makes a diss track with their voices sounding all funny — they also film a video of them dancing with the streamers acting like ballet dancers or ice skaters

[ @flytomyparadise ]

two words taeyong , rollerskating — you guys go rollerskating and he tries to act all poised and cool but ends up falling on his flat ass — and you skate over there laughing at him asking if he needs help up and he ends up pulling you down with him and you guys sit there in the middle of the rink laughing at each other

[ @mignonmark ]

mark meeting her family for the first time and he’s really nervous but she lets him know that they will love him no matter what — but he is still unsure so he asks john and jae for advice and they give him big brother help and it’s just pure and adorable bc he gets her mother flowers and is super respectful to her dad

OKAY I THINK I GOT ALL MY MOOTS — don’t be afraid to let me know if i forgot someone I don’t want anyone to feel left out — <333

[jenonctcity]

My Addiction - Part 3

Differences – Lee Donghyuck

Part of the Bad Boy Series.

Badboy!Au

Warnings: Drug Use, Explicit Content, Fighting, Overdose, Heartbreak, Seriously I broke my own heart writing this.

Word Count: 5.9k

 “I choose you.”  All eyes in the room flicked over to Jeno, yours included. He raised his eyebrows in surprise that you’d chosen him. You didn’t even want to look at Haechan, knowing he probably wouldn’t take the news lightly. Your heart was pounding, and you knew you couldn’t go back on your decision, despite how much you longed for Haechan to love you in the way you loved him.

“Get out.” Haechan growled, his fists clenching as he stared at you. You finally met his eyes, which caused him to snap again. “Get out!!!” He screamed, his fist suddenly connecting with the wall, leaving an indentation that didn’t even seem to hurt him, probably because of all the adrenaline running through his veins as his anger hit its peak. You flinched, cowering away and looking at Jeno in question. “Get out before I fucking end you both.” You nervously glanced at his bedside table, which you knew he kept a gun in and you felt your heart quiver. You were still naked, and the only thing covering you was the duvet of Haechan’s bed, which you couldn’t take with you as it was too big. However your clothes were by Haechan’s feet, and you did not want to approach him in case he snapped again. Your eyes locked on a blanket that he’d left on his computer chair. You reached for it and hastily wrapped it around your body, quickly following everyone as they retreated from the room. The second your body was over the threshold, Haechan slammed the door shut with a deafening crack. Jeno guided you through to his own room, shutting the door with so much haste that it echoed throughout the apartment. It dawned on you as you looked at Jeno that Haechan had previously said he didn’t care who you dated, so why was he acting so aggressive about your choice?

“Why didn’t you tell me that you’ve been sleeping with him for the past month?!” Jeno didn’t waste time, he wanted to know exactly what was going on. You could hear the anger and pain in his voice. He sounded desperate for some answers, his voice sounding strained as he tried to push back his sadness and embarrassment, instead doing what he did best and masking it with anger.

“I didn’t think you would ever be anything more than a friend Jeno, then when you started taking interest in me it’s not exactly something I could just drop on you out of nowhere.” You knew it was a shitty excuse, and that you actually could have just told him. But after your date with Jeno you didn’t think you’d be in this situation so fast, giving you hardly any time of think about it.

“You lied to me. I asked you if you were more than friends with him and you said no!” You winced at his loud voice, causing him to let out a sigh. He started to rifle through his drawers when you didn’t respond to him. As he approached you, you took a step back. “I’m not going to hurt you, here put these on.” He held out some clothes towards you, waiting for you to take them before turning his back on you. You dropped the blanket and pulled on the t-shirt and boxer shorts, wrapping your arms around your waist as you cleared your throat.

“I am sorry…I understand if you don’t want to see me again.” You voice was meek and lacked passion, showing him that you didn’t want that to happen.

“Don’t be stupid, I forgive you.” He approached you again, placing his hands on your hips gently. “Erm…I didn’t really want to make things official with you under circumstances like this…but I haven’t got much of a choice I guess.” He leaned down and placed a soft kiss to your cheek before pulling you to his chest, wrapping his strong arms around your frame. You held back you tears, burying you head in his chest and placing your palms on either side of your head on his chest. “Thank you for picking me, I promise I’ll never let you down.” His lips pressed to your forehead, making a tear trail down your cheek as you felt guilt fill your stomach like a sinking ship. Guilt that you couldn���t promise him the same thing when you knew your affections belonged with another man.

---

Two months had passed since you’d spoken to Haechan. They say distance makes the heart grow fonder, and before you’d just assumed that was bullshit. But now you could tell people that those words were 100% accurate. You longed for his touch, for his attitude, and most of all the sound of his voice. But you’d heard from Jaemin that he was wallowing in his own pity and had a lot of bad things to say about you and Jeno. So you decided it was best to keep your distance.

Jeno had been the best boyfriend you’d ever had. He treated you like a queen, which you had expected, considering despite his dark past and rugged appearance. It was just a shame that you couldn’t bring yourself to love him in the way he loved you. He had even admitted to you one night after a date and some steamy sex that he loved you. You’d just pretended to be asleep already and waited for him to drift off because you eventually cried yourself to sleep, making your pillow uncomfortably wet.

Jeno rolled off of you, laying beside you in bed trying to catch his breath. You gulped back the lump in your throat, also trying to regain control of your lungs as you brushed a hand through your sweaty hair. Jeno was good in bed, very good in bed. He was also a generous lover. He always made sure that your needs mattered just as much as his own, and he never left you unsatisfied. But you desperately wished it was Haechan lying beside you basking in post orgasmic bliss. You glanced at your phone on the bedside table, trying to will away the thought you had to text Haechan. You wouldn’t know what to say to him, besides, you knew how petty Haechan was, and he’d probably go straight to Jeno to gloat that his girlfriend was messaging her ex fuck buddy behind his back.

Jeno sat up, the duvet pooling at his waist and lifting slightly off of you. You could only see his bleach blond hair and his back. When you’d first seen Jeno naked, you’d assumed he had no tattoos at all, but you’d been wrong. On his back he had two large angel wings, perfectly shaded and drawn. You thought they were absolutely beautiful and fit his personality. Sometimes it really did feel like Jeno was your own personal angel. Jeno reached over to his bedside table, pulling out a packet of cigarettes and placing one between his lips. He lit it and took a long puff. You furrowed your eyebrows in confusion, leaning on your elbows to get a better look at him, but still only being able to see his back and head.

“I didn’t know you smoked Jen…” You mumbled. He let out a short laugh, a hand running through his damp hair which you knew he did subconsciously when he was stressed.

“I don’t often…only when I’m stressed.” His voice was low, and he took another drag from the cigarette.

“Why are you stressed?” You reached over and picked up your phone, sighing when you saw yet again that Haechan hadn’t messaged you.

“Because I’m breaking up with you.” His words had you pausing, before placing your phone back where it belonged.

“Why?” You didn’t sound upset, which he hadn’t expected you to be, but it still cut him deep.

“Because you don’t feel the same way about me, and I don’t want you to force yourself to.” He took one last puff of the cigarette before looking down at his hand, stubbing it out on the back of his hand and wincing slightly at the pain. He ignored it though, as his heart was hurting more. “You love him.” You knew exactly who he was talking about, and it pained you that he knew.

“I tried Jeno…I really did.” You sat up, placing a hand gently on his back and rubbing it in circles slowly, just to try and comfort him.

“I know.” He whispered, sniffing as tears filled his eyes. “Fuck.” He let out a humourless laugh, tilting his head back to will the tears away as he started to cry. “I can’t even bring myself to be mad at you, I just wish things could have turned out differently.” He wiped his eyes and turned his head to look at you. Your heart panged in pain as you saw his cheeks wet and his eyes bloodshot. You’d broken his heart, and knowing of his past, that was the last thing you wanted to do.

“Jeno I’m sorry.” You shuffled behind him and wrapped your arms around his waist, laying your head against his back and squeezing him tightly. “Did you decide this before we just had sex or...?”  

“Yeah, but I just wanted to feel loved by you one last time, even if it was fake.” He shrugged, his hands grasping at your hands as they wrapped around him.

“I do love you, just not in the way you want me to.” You placed a soft kiss to his back, comforting your friend when he most needed it. You knew how lonely Jeno was, despite having his brothers around him most of the time. He had admitted to you that he found it hard to open up to people, and that he had sensed you were special, that’s why he chose you to open up to when he told you all about his nightmare of a past. Which made you feel even worse in your guilt.

“I know, god I love you so much.” He whimpered, letting out a soft sob as he squeezed his eyes shut. “I want us to be friends, but I think we shouldn’t see each other for a little while. I just need some time to move on and seeing you won’t help.”

“Of course. Take as long as you need.” You could hear his heart beating as your head laid on his back, your ear pressed against his skin. When you went to pull away, he gripped onto you harder, restricting your movements.

“Just…stay the night, please. Let me sleep with you in my arms one last time.” You nodded in confirmation, giving his frame a squeeze in reassurance that you weren’t going to go anywhere. He wiped his face with his blanket and let out a gentle laugh. “Did I tell you that Renjun got himself into a sticky situation?” He was clearly trying to change the subject, probably to distract his mind from going into a dark place.

“No, what did he do?” You raised your head to look at him, even if you could still only see just the side of his face if he turned his head.

“His girlfriend told him that she’s pregnant, and he didn’t react well, he went missing for a whole day until Jaemin found him at Chenle and Jisung’s apartment crying into a bowl of ice cream.” He let out a soft laugh to which you responded with your own laugh.

“Another baby? Isn’t one enough?” You had only met Renjun’s daughter Jiyeon a handful of times, and she was very cute. But babies weren’t really your thing, and you cringed the one-time Jeno tried to pass the giggling baby over to you.

“He’s okay now and they sorted things out, he’s actually quite excited.”

“Ew.” You rested your head against his back again and closed your eyes. “God he must have super sperm.”

“Ew.” Jeno sniggered, wiping his eyes and sniffing.

“Jeno?”

“Mm?”

“You know you’re still my angel, right?” You whispered against his back, laying another kiss to his cool skin. When you’d first seen Jeno’s tattoo you’d declared him to be your angel, and you hoped that he knew despite your breakup, he was still always going to be your angel.

“Forever. If Haechan ever hurts you then he has me to answer to.” He turned in your grip, taking your cheek in his palm and stroking it softly. The look in his eyes told you he was telling you the truth.

---

The weeks had dragged by, and you felt lonelier than you ever had before. You found yourself almost on auto-pilot, working your job and talking to customers in a way that if anyone asked you after you’d finished what you did at work then you wouldn’t even be able to tell them because you couldn’t remember. You missed Jeno, but you respected that he needed his space, so you didn’t ask him to hang out, instead texting hm every now and then to see how he was doing. So after you’d plucked up the courage to text Haechan asking him to drugs as a little pick me up, even if you knew that they’d make you feel worse in the long run, you were surprised that he responded.

Walking to the boys’ apartment felt strange, but you waited at the door praying that Jeno wasn’t home, but you didn’t see his car out the front, so fingers crossed he actually wasn’t in. You let out a sigh of relief when Haechan appeared from behind the door, only to have your breath taken away when you saw the face you were infatuated with. His eyes were smudged with eyeliner, and he was wearing a white t-shirt that gave your eyes access to the majority of his tattoos, he’d dyed his hair too, it was now black and gave him an even darker aura as it hung over his forehead. He wordlessly stepped out of the way to let you in, and he walked past you after you’d stepped inside of the familiar apartment. You could hear the familiar voices of Jaemin and Jisung, but luckily, they didn’t notice you as Haechan silently took you into his bedroom. As soon as the door was shut, he slammed you up against it, his lips moulding on yours so deliciously that you felt like you’d died and had gone to heaven. His hands pushed your arms up forcing you to wrap them around his neck, his hands then winding around your middle and holding you to him tightly as his lips ravished your own. You couldn’t help but compared it to the kisses Jeno had laid upon your lips. Haechan’s were rough and sensual, whereas Jeno’s had been soft and passionate.

“I knew you’d come crawling back. I told you that you’re mine.” He growled against your lips, his teeth nipping at your bottom lip as he dragged you over to his bed, throwing you down onto the sheets and staring at you with a hungry look. “Say it.”

“I’m yours.” You bit your bottom lip where his teeth had previously been and gulped as you watched him.

“Good girl.” He opened up his bedside table and got out a clear bag, throwing it onto the bed and nodding at it. “You get first hit.” You grabbed the bag, opening it and taking out the smaller bag of cocaine that was inside. You wasted no time and not even half an hour later you were feeling the buzz, you felt more awake and your mood had perked up. Haechan was kissing at the back of your neck as you sat in his lap, his arms wrapped firmly around you. He’d fucked you hard and fast, and it felt like it was over before it had even started, but you supposed any intimacy with him was better than none at all. You felt the need to talk, not about anything in particular, but the silence was killing you and the coke was nagging at you to speak.

“I haven’t done drugs in a long time, it felt wrong doing them without you.” You leaned your head back and laid it on his shoulder, taking a long drag of his cigarette as he held it up to your lips.

“You wouldn’t be stupid enough to buy from anyone else, there’s some dodgy shit out there.” He laid a kiss on your cheek and smiled, holding you to him tightly and trying to ignore the feeling he had blossoming in his stomach as he held you in his arms. He was too proud to admit to you that this was the happiest he’s been in a long time, even if you hadn’t talked about the situation that happened and if all you did was have a quick fuck after getting high together. It still meant a lot to him just to have you back in his arms.

“I’m really sleepy.” You yawned, shutting your eyes and stretching your back out. He smiled, putting the cigarette out in the ash tray on his bedside table and laying you down in his bed.

“You can sleep, tomorrow we’ll talk about this okay?” His voice was softer than you’d ever heard before and you couldn’t help but smile, in pure bliss from the sound of his voice alone. It wasn’t long until you’d slipped into a sleep that had you dreaming about him.

---

Jeno came home late last night, but he was up by 10am, making toast in the kitchen and minding his own business when he heard one of the bedroom doors close behind you. He glanced behind him and saw Haechan leaving his room. The two of them locked eyes for a moment, them both giving each other a curt nod before Haechan disappeared out of the apartment. He decided to sit in the living room to relax as he ate his toast, his feet up on the coffee table as he slumped into the comfortable cushions. He had the tv volume down low, not wanting it to disturb the beautiful silence of the house. He put his plate on the table and let out a long sigh, his head resting on the back of the sofa as he smiled softly. His head shot up fast when he heard quiet sounds that sounded odd to him. It sounded like someone was coughing, but something was in the way of them coughing properly. His eyes widened when he realised it was the sound of someone choking. He jumped up, racing to where the sound was and furrowed his eyebrows when he found himself stood in front of Haechan’s door. He pushed the door open, expecting to see some random girl in his bed sheets, but his heart fell through the floor when he saw you. Your body was covered in sweat, and your skin had become pale, your lips were blue, and you were clearly choking on your own vomit, still passed out and unable to stop yourself from choking. Jeno was by the bed faster than his legs could carry him. He pulled you into his arms, your body completely floppy as he tried to sit you up.

“(Y/N)!!! Wake up!” He slapped at your back, trying to get you to stop choking. Tears filled his eyes as he put his fingers down your throat, making your gag reflex kick in and successfully riding your throat of the vomit trapped there, not giving a fuck about it going all over the bed. “Fuck.” He whimpered, his heart beating so rapidly he was sure he was about to have a panic attack. “Wake up baby, come on.” He shook your body and when you didn’t respond, he grabbed his phone out of his pocket and called for the emergency services.

It didn’t take them long to arrive, and he silently cried as he watched the paramedics carry you out on a stretcher. He followed them out of the apartment and rode in the ambulance with you. He felt numb, trying to ignore the voice in the back of his head that said this was his fault for breaking up with you and letting Haechan get his hands on you again.

Everything flew by so fast, and Jeno sat in the hospital waiting room with his head in his hands as he waited for news on your condition. It didn’t take being a genius for Jeno to know immediately that you’d overdosed. He called Renjun and told him to call Haechan, because he couldn’t bring himself to talk to the man who’d allowed you to get into this mess. So when he heard Haechan’s voice when he had his head in his hands, he saw red, slowly looking up at the boy with a deadly look in his eyes.

“Jeno what the fuck happened?!” Haechan had a bunch of roses in his hand, a worried look on his face as he approached him. “Is she okay?!” His heart was beating as if he’d just ran a marathon, and his eyes stung from the unshed tears that hid behind them.

“You fucking know what happened you piece of shit.” Jeno growled, taking a deep breath to calm himself down. As much as he wanted to hurl Haechan across the room, he was in a hospital waiting room, and if he wanted to be there for you when you woke up, then he’d have to be on his behaviour. If you woke up.

“No I don’t, is she going to be okay?” He started to pace around in front of Jeno. “Renjun said she’d been taken into hospital, but he didn’t say why.”

“Do you even give a shit about her?” Jeno looked Haechan in the eye, his voice sounding strained from all the crying he’d done earlier.

“Why the fuck would you ask me that? I lo-…” He stopped himself from admitting that he was in love with you, instead gulping and shaking his head. “She means everything to me. When she chose you, my heart broke okay? Happy now?”

“So why the fuck did you give her enough shit to make her overdose?!” Jeno shouted, jumping up from his seat and getting in Haechan’s face. Haechan backed off, shaking his head as his mouth opened and closed, his words stuttering.

“I-I didn’t! We only did some coke Jeno, it was nowhere near enough to do this to her. And it wasn’t a dodgy batch because I did just as much as her and I’m fine!” He put the roses on a chair and ran his hands through his hair as Jeno’s words sunk in. “She overdosed? Fuck.” He whimpered, trailing his hands down to cover his face as he let out a sob. His heart was breaking, he had no idea how this had happened. You were fine when he left this morning, you looked peaceful beside him and when he’d pressed a kiss to your head and he noticed how hot you were, he just assumed it was because the two of you had been cuddling most of the night.

“This is your fault.” Jeno growled, taking a seat again and stewing in his anger.

“I know. It’s killing me Jeno…I’m in fucking love with her.” He crouched down with his head in his hands, sobs ripping from his chest at the thought of losing you. Jeno furrowed his eyebrows and let out a sigh. He stood up again, crouching to Haechan’s level and placing a hand on his shoulder. It killed him that you were in hospital on the brink of death, but it also killed him to see the boy he considered to be a brother cry in front of him. He had never seen Haechan cry before, so he knew that all of his words and feelings were coming straight from his heart.

“Donghyuck…” He spoke quietly, rubbing his back to try and comfort him. The name Donghyuck felt weird as it rolled off of his tongue, not having called him that in years. But it felt natural too.  “Hey stand up.” He pulled Haechan up to his feet and wrapped his arms around him, squeezing him tightly as the boy started to sob into his shoulder. “She’s strong Hyuck, we both know she is.”

“Jeno I’m so sorry.” He whimpered, clinging onto Jeno’s leather jacket as he cried. “I didn’t mean for you to get caught up in this shit, and I’m so sorry you got hurt.” Haechan didn’t have to tell Jeno that he’d seen how destroyed Jeno had been the past few weeks since you both broke up.

“Hyuck it’s okay, you know me, I always survive.” Jeno sighed and rested his head on top of Haechan’s. “I’m sorry for how this affected us, if I knew how you felt about her before I would never have asked her out.”

“You’re still my brother Jeno.” Haechan felt strange as the deep words left his mouth, but he felt good for finally letting it off of his chest.

“I know, we’ll be okay. She will be okay.” He pulled him over and sat him in a chair. The both sat together in silence for the next hour, waiting for any news on your condition.

When a doctor came out and approached Jeno and Haechan they both perked up. She had a kind smile that reminded Haechan of his mother, and he immediately felt a little bit better. She told them that you were in a stable condition, and they’d found traces of heroin in your system. Haechan felt the blood rush from his body, his entire body going cold as he groaned, squeezing his eyes shut. After the doctor told them that they could see you, she left them alone. Jeno turned to Haechan with a disappointed look in his face.

“You gave her heroin?! You know how fucked up that shit is, why the fuck would you do that?”

“I didn’t! I swear I didn’t give her any heroin. I would never give her that, it’s too dangerous.” He shook his head, picking up the bunch of roses and letting out another sigh. “I had some in my bedroom, she must have found it and used it whilst I was asleep.” Jeno nodded, he believed him.

“Go see her, I’m going to go home and shower. Text me when she wakes up.” He turned around to leave but Haechan called out to him.

“Jeno wait!” Without saying anything else, he pulled him into a strong hug, whispering in his ear. “Thank you for saving her.” Jeno shrugged, hugging him back and letting out a soft laugh.

“I’m her angel, it’s my job.”

“Huh?”

“It doesn’t matter.” Jeno smiled sadly, turning and walking out of the hospital.

---

Haechan sat by your bedside for hours, your cold hand encased in both of his own. He laid his head on the bed and watched you for hours, scared that if he looked away you could slip away from him despite having been told that you’re in a stable condition. The sound of your heart monitor was keeping him calm, but if it sped up or slowed down, he’d probably go into cardiac arrest from worry. Some nurses had come into the room, and one of them was even kind enough to get him a coffee and put the roses into a vase for him.

“Haechan?” You whispered out after opening your eyes and seeing him with his eyes shut, his head resting on the bed. His eyes darted open immediately and he sat up, his eyes bloodshot and his nose sniffling from his previous crying.

“Baby girl.” He stood up, leaning over you to press a kiss to your head.

“I’m sorry.” Your voice was hoarse from being unconscious for so long, also from the damage the choking had done to your throat.

“Don’t apologise, as long as you are living and breathing then everything is fine.” He sat on the edge of your bed and took both of your hands in his own, looking down at them with a sad look on his face. “Never do heroin again. I beg you.”

“It was the first time I’d ever done it; I didn’t know how much I was using.”

“I thought I was going to lose you without telling you.” He sniffed again, his eyes filling with tears as he looked into your eyes.

“Without telling me what?” You heard your heart rate speed up on the monitor and felt embarrassed by it for a second, before you were too distracted by Haechan’s next words.

“Without telling you that I’m head over heels in love with you.” You felt as if all your Christmases and birthdays had come at once. This is the moment you’d been waiting so long for and you never actually thought it would happen. Who knew it would take nearly dying for him to come to his senses and declare his love for you.

“Haechan...”

“Call me Hyuck.” He smiled, lifting your hands in his own and kissing your knuckles softly. Your smile grew and you found yourself blushing. You winced as your body was hurting, it felt like your head had been bashed against a brick wall and you felt nauseas.

“You okay baby?” He furrowed his eyebrows in worry.

“Well you know, did just overdose Hyuck.” He rolled his eyes at your sarcasm, but he was happy that he was finally seeing the girl that he met all those months ago. The girl who was sassy and didn’t have a problem speaking up for herself. He let out a gentle sigh and cleared his throat.

“I just want to clear some things up with you. As you know, this whole situation between me, you, and Jeno, is a complete shit show. And I’m not going to pretend that it didn’t crush me when you picked him over me. But I can understand why. He treated you like a princess, and I was treating you like a disposable cum wipe,” You grimaced at his analogy. “Maybe if I’d acted like an adult and had actually admitted my feelings to you, then things would have panned out differently. But I can’t change the past, and from this moment on, I promise to never hurt you. And I will love you until my final breath.” His cheeks went red as he spoke, clearly not used to showing his emotions to anyone.

“Hyuck, why were you hiding your feelings from me?” You could see his mouth open and close as if he was debating telling you or not, but he breathed out and smiled sadly.

“I didn’t want to jump in with two feet and get into a relationship with you when I wasn’t sure if I wanted a relationship. I didn’t want to cheat on you and break your heart…when I was seventeen, I walked in on my father cheating on my mother, and it changed the way I look at relationships. I haven’t spoken to my father in a long time, but I speak to my mother a lot, and I don’t think she knows about my father’s infidelity, if she did it would crush her. And I never want that to happen to any of my relationships. I should have told you before but…we never really talked about many personal things.” Your heart softened as he opened up to you. You squeezed his hand and gave him a small smile.

“I trust you Donghyuck. But if you cheat on me, I will cut off your penis.” He burst out laughing at your threat, nodding his head in agreement.

“I give you permission to.” Your eyes were almost twinkling in delight as you looked at you the man you loved, his smile enough to brighten the whole room. What was best was he looked at you with the same twinkle in his eye.

---

As you sat opposite Donghyuck in the booth you couldn’t help but smile at him. The restaurant wasn’t particularly busy, so you didn’t have to talk loudly just to hear each other. When he caught you staring at him, he gave you an open-mouthed smile, his cheeks starting to tinge pink as he blushed.

“Why are you staring at me?” He took a sip of his drink as you kept his eyes on you.

“You’re sort of beautiful.” You smiled, leaning your chin on the palm of your hand as you watched his adams apple bob when he swallowed.

“…did you just quote twilight to me?” He raised an eyebrow, but your mouth just dropped open in shocked.

“You’ve seen twilight?!”

“It’s actually in new moon but whatever.”

“Lee Donghyuck you little nerd!” You giggled causing his face to go completely red.

“Hey! Keep your voice down, I have a reputation!” You glanced around at the older couples at the surrounding tables and sniggered in response.

“Yes I bet Mr and Mrs Kang over there buy drugs from you all the time.” You rolled your eyes, motioning with your head to the couple who were clearly in their 70’s at the table beside your own.

“You never know.” He shrugged and pushed his drink towards you. “Try that, you’ll like it.” You picked up his drink and sipped it, furrowing your eyebrows and scoffing.

“It’s just strawberry milkshake?”

“Look I was trying to be a cute boyfriend and share my drink with you okay! Give me points for that babe.” He whined and snatched his drink away from you.

“You’re a great boyfriend.” You whispered, staring at him in awe. It had been 2 months since you’d started officially dating, and you hadn’t touched one drug since that day. You were practically glowing and everyone around you had noticed the difference being in love had on you. Donghyuck was getting used to having you with him all the time, and he loved it. The only regret he has was not locking you down sooner. The first time he’d made love to you was a night you’d never forget. It had unlocked a completely new side of Hyuck to you and if anything you fell into the rabbit hole of love even further. Of course he still fucked you senseless the majority of the time, but afterwards he’d give you the sweetest aftercare, kissing all over your body if he’d marked you at all and snuggling into your breasts. The only thing that sometimes gave you a pang of hurt, was when you’d sometimes catch Jeno staring at the two of you, giving you a long look. He’d just give you a fake smile and turn his head away, ignoring the pain inside of his heart at seeing the woman he loves with the man that she loves. The man she belongs with.

“Oh, I forgot to tell you! Chenle is planning on setting Jeno up on a blind date!” He sounded excited at the thought of his best friend finally getting back into the dating game.

“Oh no…remember what happened last time he was set up on a blind date?” You sounded sceptical, tilting your head and raising an eyebrow.

“No…what happened?”

“He stood my friend up, so I punched him in the face, and he fell in love with me.” You deadpanned, rolling your eyes at your boyfriends’ slack memory.

“Oh shit yeah… I’m sure it will go fine!”

 ---

This is the end to Haechan’s story! I hope you enjoyed it, I know it was a long, angsty ride. Who knew she was going to choose Jeno ;) Please let me know what you think, I’d love to hear your thoughts on this part of the series! Thanks for reading, love you all!

[karatficrecs]

~ Tuesday Blues Fic Recs ~

hi guys! a lot happened last week and this week, so if you want to have a good cry or be taken to another world just for a bit, you can read these :)) 💕💓 (if u don’t cry from reading one of these,, ur strong 🥴)

🚨 please make sure to read the warning carefully! 🚨

hostage by @jaeminhours - [wc: 7.6k] gang!au, highschool!au, angst, jaemin x reader + jeno x reader (warnings: mentions of drugs, violence, character death)

You fall in love with a boy you shouldn’t.

notes: this is my favourite fic from @jaeminhours! it makes me cry no matter how many times i read it. the writing completely immerses you in the story...one of my fav authors :))

timeless by @jaeminhours - [wc: 6.1k] about time!au, angst, renjun x reader (warnings: mentions of death)

You know the exact hour, minute, and second every person you meet is going to die, including yourself, and that’s the way it’s always been. In which you meet a boy who changes everything, but your time is running out.

notes: another fic by @jaeminhours,, i repeatedly read this because of the interesting au and it also makes me cry a lot. :’)

in loving memory by (you guessed it!) @jaeminhours - [wc: 9.1k] cellist!jeno, friends to lovers au, pure angst, jeno x reader (warnings: character death, cursing (a lot), mentions of sickness (cancer), mentions of death, etc)

Dying isn’t something that’s supposed to happen to kids. It happens to grandparents, and people who smoke cigarettes outside the supermarket, who are dying anyway, who have used up all the time they’ve got. It doesn’t happen to boys like Lee Jeno, your best friend, who makes music and smiles like he’s holding the sun on the tip of his tongue. It doesn’t happen to Jeno, until it does.

notes: at this point, you should just read all of @jaeminhours’ works... they’re such a talented writer 😩

charmolypi by @neostruck - [wc: 14.1k] terminally ill au, donghyuck x reader, kinda crack, fluff, angst (warnings: cursing, drug abuse, alcohol abuse, various illegal activities, neglect, dark themes, mental health, a bit of blood, mentions of death, jaemin is a v bad person. we all know how this ends. read with caution.)

charmolypi - (n.) a mixed feeling of happiness while being sad; “joy-making sorrow”

notes: @neostruck is also an amazing writer,, but this one really hit me hard and i find myself re-reading it a lot.

all i need by @t-aeycng - [51 parts] fluff, angst, jaemin x reader (warnings: cursing)

ever since your boyfriend cheated on you, you’ve been determined to help others heal from broken hearts. you create the dnyl club, but what happens when you develop feelings for someone? and even worse, what happens when your ex comes back for you?

notes: the storyline of this fic had so many plot twists that made my heart ache and my brain confused!! talented storyteller alert 🚨

liar, mark lee by @yukheistics - [wc: 2.5k] slight fluff, angst, mark lee x reader (warnings: implications of lying + cheating)

he knows how to lie. he knows how it works. he knows you.

notes: i just read this the other day and HAD to put it in here,, it’s short but makes ur heart ache every time :”)

180 days by @kkuljaehyun - [wc: 5.36k] angst, jaemin x reader (warnings: a lil bit of unprotected sex (please always wear a condom!), slight violence at one point, men being gross)

unbeknownst to you, na jaemin asks you out as a bet and makes you fall in love with him. how long can he keep the act up? what happens when things finally fall apart?

notes: this is another one i just read, but i felt like i really was in the story and the writing is truly immaculate *chefs kiss*

i hope you enjoy all these fics! please check our all these writers and their pieces,, and don’t forget to like them!!

- see you soon!

[clueless-content-creator]

Never Count On Me Again

Genre: NCT Mafia AU, Angst, Tiny bit of fluff

Warnings: Swearing, Heavy Uses of Sarcasm, Use of pet names, Mentions of Blood, Killing, Not Edited!

Word Count: 1.3k

Inspired By This FMV

"Why me? I went on a large ass mission two weeks ago!" Taeyong chuckled, "Yeah, two weeks ago Y/n! Listen to yourself. You know there are people in this base like Doyoung and I that go on almost every mission, right?" You sighed in defeat, “That’s a personal choice that you make every day that I, for once have nothing to do with!” He rolls his eyes and then decides to continue, "Anyways, Renjun, Jeno, Lucas, Johnny, and I will be accompanying you on this mission. Renjun and Jeno will be bystanders in the club to make sure everything goes smoothly, well.. as smoothly as a mission like this can go.” He mumbled the last part. “And for Lucas... he will be hacking into the system, so if something goes wrong and Woo-Seok calls security then Lucas will be able to delay the call so you can eliminate him before security gets to you, got it?" You dejectedly sighed again then nodded nonchalantly, "What are you and Johnny doing then?" Taeyong smirked, "I will be a sniper from afar, and Johnny will be accommodating Lucas in the car. Once the mission is complete, they will be waiting outside in the car to pick you, Renjun, and Jeno up after the mission is finished. Any questions?" I blinked a few times before replying, "Who will be driving you home then?" He pondered before responding, "Ah- my chauffeur, so no need to worry about it. Oh! And I almost forgot. The rules of this mission are to NOT drink, smoke, or interact with any strangers other than our target. You are to be completely sober. And that's about it!" He smiled. "Yeah, totally not restrictive at all." You said sarcastically as you rolled your eyes. Taeyong cracked a little smile but tried hard to contain it. "Y/n, I'm serious when I say that you can't drink or smoke. Your life is at risk when you do these missions. I know I send you on dangerous missions that could kill you, but I still care for you. So please do be careful." You rolled your eyes, "Wow, so the guy that sends me on deathly missions actually cares about me?" You ask sneeringly. Taeyong shakes his head, "Y/n I don't-" "Woah, Woah. What's going on here?" Johnny shows up with Lucas and Renjun following behind him. Renjun looks around the room a bit before he looks back at you and Taeyong. "Y/n is just being a little sassy right now because of the mission, nothing new but you guys all know that she is not to drink, right?" They all nod their heads in unison, "Oh whatever! I'm going to get ready for this stupid mission..” Taeyong suddenly grabs your wrist, "Let go." You say through gritted teeth. "Not so fast missy, this is the dress you'll be going in." He showed the dress to you, it was a short black dress with long sleeves and a sweetheart neckline paired with black ankle strap high heels and a Louis Vuitton black and gold bag. You nodded in agreement, "Thank you, it looks.. pretty." Lucas turned to you, "It'll look even more beautiful on you." Lucas smirked at you but then his face turned into dismay because Johnny hit his arm, "Bad timing?" Lucas turned toward Johnny. "No, just a cheesy comment," Johnny replied. Lucas says, "You're lucky I love you, if I didn't, you would've been dead already." Johnny rolls his eyes in response as he dragged Lucas away. Taeyong then shoos you and Renjun off to start getting ready for the mission. You look at your watch, "8 pm, Neo Crackhead Culture Technology Underground Club." You sighed, "I just damn well hope that this goes smooth..” "That's what I'm hoping for as well," Lucas added. You jumped, "Jesus Lucas! Where the hell did you come from!?" Lucas scoffed, "Your door obviously!" You rolled your eyes, "You know, you could've knocked like a half-decent person." Lucas chuckled and caressed your cheek, "I did cutie, like 3 times." You pouted, "Oh, yeah, my bad." You rolled your eyes once more, before starting to get undressed. Lucas just stood there, pretty much drooling over you. "Like the view fuckboy?" You scoffed. Lucas started to blush, "Yes actually.. you look amazing" You giggled, "I'm not even wearing anything." "Exactly my point, baby girl." Lucas then came closer to you and grabbed your waist. Just as he leaned in to kiss your cheek the door flung open. You and Lucas both jumped in surprise, Taeyong and Johnny stood there in shock. "Oh, hey,” you said while covering your face, "I didn't realize anyone was home." You laughed out loud at Lucas’s excuse. "You literally talked to us 10 minutes ago!" Johnny exclaims. Either way, you pushed Lucas away and covered your body with the bathrobe that Taeyong got for you. "Aww there’s no need to be shy princess, your body is perfect." You cringed at his comment before replying "I mean, you're not so bad yourself Lucas." Johnny sighs, "We don't have all day to just talk! If you guys are that desperate just fuck now and get this tension out the goddamn way!” Taeyong is quick to interrupt Johnny. "-No! That is not allowed here!” He clears his throat, “Anyways.. the mission starts in 2 hours, get it together you two! I mean seriously you can fuck on your own time if you really want." Taeyong mutters the last part under his breath. You and Lucas laugh at Taeyong’s frustration with the two of you. You're trying to get him to crack. He lets out a little giggle but tries hard to resist it. "Please Y/n I need you to get ready. We need to be there by 7:30." The three of you nod. Then, the three men leave you to get dressed in your outfit. You put the black dress on with no struggle at all. 'Hm, Taeyong really does know the clothes that fit exactly right.' You then put your shoes and accessories on, grabbing your bag last before leaving your room. You walk downstairs and pass by the living room to be greeted by Renjun. "Hey Y/n, we'll be ready to leave in 5," He says as he puts his shoes on and then walks towards you. "Oh wow, you look gorgeous!" You chuckle a little, "Thank you, you look handsome too Mr. Huang." He smiles at you before a familiar voice interrupts you two. "Y/n, have you forgotten anything?" You think for a moment before replying, "The handcuffs! Oh my, I forgot." Just as you went running back to your room, Taeyong grabs your wrist, he then holds the handcuffs up. "I was just joking; I know you have everything already." He chuckles. "Ugh, why would you do that?!" You groaned. "It was just a joke, I wanted to see your reaction." You rolled your eyes but smiled a little, "Well good one, you got me." You replied being incredibly sarcastic. Taeyong smiles a little before being interrupted by the other members. Taeil and Mark appeared, "Woah, little missy surely is dressed up tonight! Where are you guys going?" Taeil smiles, ruffling your hair. You pouted as you tried to comb your fingers through your hair to make it look nice again. "Come back safe?" Mark asks as he takes your hand in his. "I can't promise anything, I don't know if I'll come back alive, so you guys are just going to have to wait for that answer." You reply with a smirk. Taeyong sighs, "She's just being overdramatic guys, we’ll be fine." Taeil and Mark then nod, "Thanks for the little visit." You lightly smiled at them, they nodded in response. "Well, we hope you come back home as safe as possible!" Mark says before ruffling your hair again and high-fiving Taeyong. “I swear, the next person that messes my hair up is getting their fingers cut off.” You say straightening your hair out once again while the guys give you scared looks and shiver. ‘This is going to be one hell of a night, I can tell.’ You think to yourself.

[enjennie]

Chapter 3 - Eye On You

Chapter 2 

Chapter 4 - Coming soon

Word count: 1.9k

The Lee Estate wasn’t big. No, big wasn’t the word for it. Massive, would be more suitable. Enormous. As Jeno pulled up in front of the mansion, Yuri gawked at the size of the place.

They pile out of the car and are greeted by a ton of looks, which immediately made Yuri conscious of what she was wearing. She tugged on the ends of the dress and her legs wobbled a bit. Maybe because of the eyes that followed her every move, or because of the cold wind. She followed the rest of her friends into the house and was even more amazed by the inside. Glamorous interior design with a chandelier that hung above them, Yuri took a good look before getting pulled by Minjae for drinks.

“Bottoms up, newbie. Cheers,” Minjae clinks her glass against the one she’d given Yuri before downing hers in one go, which Yuri watched her do in amazement. She took a tiny sip, making Minjae laugh when her face crumples up in disgust.

“We should look for the others,” Minjae’s eyes flew over the crowd and across the room to see where Seoyun and the rest had gone. The two flee hand in hand as to not get separated in the sea of people dancing in the living room and soon made it to the outside patio where Yuri spots Jaemin, in a black leather jacket, beside Hyuck, who gave her a bright smile. “Hey, Yuri!” Hyuck yells.

 “How are you liking Oakwood so far?” Jeno asked, calling the attention of Yuri who’d finally finished her glass and had set it down on the table, only to be given another by Cho who joined the party late after having to force Mark to come along.

Yuri could only shrug, “Fun? Like a normal college, I guess,” she laughed, earning the interest of the group with her answer. “That’s new. Oakwood’s everything but normal,” Jaemin spoke up which surprised the group even more. Her eyes avert to the boy, who already had his eyes trained on her. “I guess it’s too early for me to judge, it’s only the first week after all,”

And for the first time since he arrived, Jaemin smiled, and it was enough to make the party a little more worth the stay for Yuri.

“Let me get this straight, you attended an all-girls school since 7th grade…and survived?” a drunken Cho was sat on the couch beside Yuri, who has been babysitting the girl for the last 30 minutes. It’s not like she minded, truth is Yuri didn’t have it in her to party anymore. Yuri nodded in response to Cho’s question and the heavily intoxicated girl gasped as if she’d just learned the recipe to the Krabby patty. She’s been babbling non-stop and Yuri was just waiting for her to pass out. Then, she could hopefully use it as an excuse to leave.

After a while, it seemed Cho had finally given in and was now resting against Yuri’s shoulder. Which surprised Yuri when she heard Cho faintly whisper, “Yuri, I think I’m going to be sick,” which immediately sent all of Yuri’s alarms ringing. She looked around her, not finding any familiar faces. But, with a stroke of luck… kind of… Jaemin was passing by, looking as unbothered as ever. Cho had started to make noises at this point and Yuri didn’t have time to think before she grabbed onto Jaemin’s jacket and tugged.

He looked surprised, but walked closer and bent down on the couch, which made Yuri flustered more than she already was. Why would he do that?!, the girl thought. “Cho needs to go to the washroom,” Yuri tells Jaemin. “Like… right now,”

He knew the code. Jaemin nodded curtly before swiftly lifting Cho in his arms and motioning for Yuri to follow him and so, she does. Through the crowded living room and up the stairs. Jaemin slipped into a room with a bathroom and placed Cho on the floor beside the toilet as if he’s done this a million times.

“Thank you,” Yuri gave Jaemin a shy smile before sitting herself down beside Cho who was now leaning over the toilet bowl throwing up. Yuri pulls her friend’s hair out of the way and gave her gentle pats on the back. “Better out than in,” she comforted.

Jaemin wasn’t enjoying the party. Neither was he feeling like drinking, or partying for that matter, he was just tired. As he’d entered Jeno’s house for the nth time, he naturally found his spot on the couch outside near the pool and stayed there, tapping away on his little phone.

“Jeno’s here!” his bestfriend appeared from the entrance of the house, and the crowd cheered. Finally, Jaemin thought. Renjun had asked Jeno for his car keys to pick up Seoyun and her friends, but Jeno wouldn’t budge, teasing the older boy that he hasn’t even passed his driver’s test yet. And so, Jeno and Renjun left, leaving Hyuck and Jaemin to hold down the fort.

Jaemin thought at least Jeno cared to the extent of going to drive himself, because of Renjun’s lack of competence in driving. But Jaemin highly doubted it was only Jeno being a good friend. He was, of course. But after Jaemin heard that Yuri would be coming along, it made more sense to him. It wasn’t a mystery, Jeno had his eyes on the new girl. But for once, it just didn’t sit right with Jaemin. Maybe it was because he was so encaptivated by Yuri the first time he saw her and basically took his breath away, or maybe it was the underlying vengeance and competition that brewed deep within him.

Jeno took his spot on the other couch, lighting up a blunt and pursing it against his lips. He exhaled, blowing out thin smoke. He looked good as he sat in the low light with his head back against the couch, Jaemin understood why girls flocked over his friend. Also why his ex girlfriend would cheat on him with his bestfriend. Jaemin felt a pang of bitterness and forced himself to look away.

“Hey, Yuri!” the boy next to him broke his train of thought as he excitedly waved at the newcomers. Minjae and Yuri stood at the entrance of the room, holding hands and drinks. They took their seat on the couch opposite of Hyuck and Jaemin, placing pillows on their laps and crossing their legs. Jaemin’s eyes lingered on Yuri, not because of how spectacular she looked, no… that much was understood, but at how uncomfortable the girl looked in the tiny dress. Jaemin’s eyes went back to Jeno who undoubtedly had his eyes locked on the girl.

The painkillers in the overhead cabinet were the last in the box, which Jaemin thought was lucky for Cho who was going to need it, for the killer hangover she was about to face tomorrow. He took the pills back up to the bedroom, where he’d left the two girls.

Yuri managed to move Cho from the bathroom to the bed and had tucked her in. Her heels long been neglected in the side of the room. Jaemin walked to the bedside table and put the painkillers down along with the cup of water. Yuri walked to the door and tilted her head, signaling Jaemin to follow and he does.

“Thank you,” she says when she closes the door behind them.

“No prob, Cho’s always the first one to black out… you were just unfortunate to be the one with her when she did,” Jaemin shrugged. Yuri laughed, “It’s not a problem… I hated it down there anyway,” she confessed. Not a second later she looks back up at Jaemin, panicking. “No offense…”

He chuckles, finding it cute how startled she looked for a second. “Well, that would make the two of us,”

Yuri cracked into a smile, finding comfort in knowing that Jaemin felt the same way and she wasn’t weird for not liking college parties. “I should get back in,” Yuri shivers, wrapping her hands around herself in an attempt to keep herself warm. He rolls his eyes and in one swift motion, Jaemin takes his jacket off and drapes it over her shoulders. Yuri froze, feeling the sudden warmth around her shoulders along with the lingering smell of mint candy with a mixture of freshly brewed coffee.

“I’ll be here. In case you need me,” he pointed at the chair sat nearby and Yuri could only nod.

“Yuri!” Cho groaned from inside the room.

“Thanks,” Yuri gave Jaemin another smile before going inside the room, with his jacket still around her. She didn’t know whether it was the jacket, or the heat rushing all over her body that made her feel warm.

Minjae had disappeared from the party, running into the woods that surrounded the mansion and near the school grounds. She ran, phone in hands as a light to guide her until she spotted the familiar black Cadillac, and the man in front of it. She threw herself on him and began to pepper kisses all over his face, neck and taking his hands to place around her. She had a good amount of alcohol at the party, and wanted him bad. Wanted him now. In any way she could.

“We’ll be seen here,” he spoke through her lips, which didn’t want to leave his for another second.

“Those brats won’t be caught in the woods at this hour,” Minjae assured, pushing him back against the car and moving closer to him. He gives in, trusting her words and lifting her up to sit on his lap.

“Let me treat you like a queen somewhere a little private,” he pulls away, whispering into her ear and biting her earlobe, earning a soft moan from her. She gets off of him and excitedly walk to the passenger door and getting in the car, oblivious of the person that lurked behind the oak tree, holding a phone with the camera recording her little love affair with the Math professor, Nakamoto Yuta.

Broken vases, empty bottles and passed out freshmen littered the Lee Estate the next day. Everyone knew better to leave before the morning, returning to the dorms like zombies hiding from the sunlight. The only people left in house, being those of the top elite.

The smell of bacon, eggs and coffee whiffed in the air as Jaemin got up to an early rise, making the breakfast for his friends. He’s just about finished setting up the table when a messy haired Yuri made her way to the same patio from last night. “Good morning,” she yawned, rubbing her eyes and pulling Jaemin’s jacket around her. He smiled at the sight, putting down the last plate on the table.

“You’re early,” he tells her. She looked around at the trashed place and her eyes widened.

“We should help clean up,” the girl innocently suggested.

Jaemin shook his head, “The clean up service comes after lunch, don’t worry,”

Yuri’s mouth forms an O shape as she gets to find out that these are indeed Oakwoods’ elite, who don’t clean up after their parties… but rather hire a service.

“But I personally like helping them a little anyway,” Jaemin begins picking up clutter that littered the floor, making Yuri laugh at his sudden change of character. Na Jaemin, the cold hearted heartthrob… has a soft spot for… cleaning?

[mistymark]

VIGILANTE/S VI

part six // 3.7k words // superpowered!au // (sort of) gang!au // series masterlist

summary; in which you consider yourself somewhat of a vigilante.

warnings; swearing, mentions of death, weapons and killing, gang shit really

notes; finally some actual info on the plot !!!!

For a week, you train with the Shields, rotating between them each day. By the time you’re back to training with Johnny, you’ve vastly improved each time. The boys come and go during the days and nights but you’ve settled into your own little routine - patiently waiting for your own assignment.

It’s 6am when you’re woken by Doyoung’s voice in your head, and you wonder if he actually sounds that lively right now, or if it’s just the way his internal monologue speaks.Team meeting in Jaehyun’s room. Fifteen minutes.

It’s early – earlier than you’ve been getting up recently – but you throw a pillow at Donghyuck to make sure he’s awake, too. “Get up,” you murmur. “Team meeting in fifteen minutes.” You say it like you have an idea of what that means; since you’ve been there, there’s never been a team meeting. In addition, you’ve never even seen Jaehyun’s room.

“Tell them I said to go fuck themselves.” Donghyuck was never cheery in the morning, especially if he had just revived.

“Sure, but I don’t think Jaehyun would be very happy with it,” you say, grabbing some clothes and heading to the bathroom.

The rest of the team are emerging from their rooms, too, bleary-eyed and, overall, sleepy. Renjun is the only one who looks remotely normal, but he always looks tired, so you’re not really surprised. He greets you with a tight-lipped smile on his way to the kitchen, where Jeno and Mark are already sitting, both in their pyjamas.

Chenle is making his way to one of the bathrooms off the hallway but Jaemin, only just leaving his room, sees him and sprints for the door, sliding in before Chenle can even reach the doorknob. He frowns, and calls through the bathroom door, “Jaemin, I will literally burn this door down.”

“My dick’s out, Chenle!” Jaemin yells back, and you don’t have to see his face to know he’s smiling. You shake your head and step into the other bathroom, insisting you’ll be quick. Chenle waves you off – he’ll wait for Jaemin.

When you shut the bathroom door, you can hear the two yelling at each other through the bathroom door, as well as Jaemin’s loud laughter. Halfway through changing, you hear a terrible cracking sound and a high-pitched squeal and quickly finish pulling your hair up out of your face, before opening the door. Chenle is stalking back down the hall toward the kitchen, his signature frown etched onto his face like stone, and you look towards the other bathroom and see a large hole in the wood, the edges letting off soft plumes of smoke. Jaemin is standing on the other side, completely naked and attempting to cover himself with a towel after his shower. He’s so shocked to see you, he doesn’t even attempt a flirty one-liner. You attempt to stifle a snort and turn on your heel to head to breakfast, nudging Donghyuck, who has just exited your bedroom, as you pass him, his eyes narrowing. “What’s your issue?” you ask, probably a little too cheery for 6am.

“My issue is I was just woken up by Doyoung yelling ‘GET YOUR ASS UP’ in my head after I just died from blunt force trauma,” he shoots you a look. His face shows how tired he is. “To my head.” You cringe and he tells you not to worry, his interest caught by something in Jaehyun’s office.

“What’s going on?” You ask Mark when you sit down at the table to eat your breakfast. He trades you the bottle of orange juice for the butter sitting in front of you. You pour some juice into a glass for yourself then, on second thought, pour another one and slide it across the table to Donghyuck, who’s clenching his eyes shut in attempt to get even the slightest bit more rest before the meeting.

“New assignments,” Mark answers, his brows furrowing as he attempts to open the butter container. “I think the date for the Senate’s vote has been brought forward,” he nods in the direction of Jaehyun’s office as he butters his toast. “They’ve been debating back and forth for hours.”

You sit up straighter so you can see over Donghyuck into Jaehyun’s office, even though your roommate is slouching in his seat. Jaehyun stands on one side of his desk, his knuckles wrapping against the wood of the desk, whereas Johnny stands on the other, leaning over the top as he tries to argue against whatever Jaehyun has just said. It’s as if he can feel your attention on him, because his eyes meet yours through the glass. He holds your gaze for a moment as he nods at something Johnny just said. Doyoung sits in a chair to the side, looking almost bored. You watch as Jaehyun and Johnny both simultaneously turn their heads to him and then nod in agreement.

“Must be something big,” Mark says through this toast, and Jeno looks over at him, though his expression is unreadable.

Your eyes widen at the thought of finally being able to do something other than training and reviewing data from the Red Crown’s headquarters. You’d been itching to help – to do something – since you arrived, and you were finally getting it. The walls of Jaehyun’s office fade into the dark grey colour a few moments later, and Doyoung and Johnny exit, talking between each other in hushed voices. They greet the table as they walk past, making their way down the hall. Based on the expressions on their faces, you can tell that Johnny had lost whatever argument they’d been having.

Five minutes later, you’ve just plugged your phone in to charge and are stepping out of your shared room only to see the others have already made their way to Jaehyun’s office. Mark is only just emerging from the bathroom, wiping the remnants of toothpaste from the corner of his mouth and pushing a pair of glasses up his nose simultaneously. Bits of his hair are still wet, hanging heavily over his forehead, after what had to be the fastest shower he’d ever had. He wasn’t known for being fast in the bathroom.

He smiles at you and tilts his head in the direction of the office, gesturing for you to follow him. Jaehyun’s office walls are opaque again, so you’re surprised when you discover the room is empty. Mark crosses the room to the back corner, opening a door and holding his arm out in a ‘you go first’ gesture. Inside, there’s a lavish sitting room.

The room is by far the lightest in the warehouse – the panels above you aren’t quite opaque, allowing the room to be lit up by the sunlight. You were so used to the warehouse having a cool, dark feel, but this felt warmer. The plush velvet couches, along with the beige rug and the bookshelves taking up an entire wall, were only adding to the cosiness. Rather than the stark black, grey and white that is used to decorate every other room in the house, this was a cornucopia of warm browns, yellows and greens. The couches were a light lavender colour. Potted plants and trees decorated the entire area.

Donghyuck is stretched out on one of the couches, a hand over his forehead dramatically, as he complains about being awake this early, his eyes squinting at the sun. Chenle sits in a sitting chair beside him, glaring at Jaemin, who just smirks back, alternating between flipping the younger boy off and making crude gestures with his hands.

Jeno sits beside Jaemin on the couch, and bats his hands to make him stop, his brow slightly furrowed.

Jaehyun stands behind a chair – though with him, it could be a throne – and waits for the rest of the members to enter. Doyoung is the last one, waiting for Renjun to slink in and sit down in a seat by the door.

Johnny’s attention is on the floor, his mind far away. He has a slight frown on his face. Jaehyun clears his throat once everyone is seated. As if everyone’s attention wasn’t already on him. In some way or another. He just naturally draws the eye. “As some of you may know, the Senate vote has been brought forward. It’s now a month from today.” The vote that will allow Supers to be bought and sold. Traded. The vote that will dehumanise them. Us, you remind yourself. The vote that will dehumanise us.

Jaehyun continues, “So far, the Silver Panthers have managed to bribe just under half of the Senators to vote yes. We think the Red Crown are going to try and finish what they started – go after Senator Park.”

You don’t react, though you know exactly what he means by ‘finish what they started.’ The Red Crown were ruthless. The Silver Panthers were a rival crime syndicate, almost as large and powerful as the Red Crown. They were mostly comprised of wealthy, powerful Supers, and they were responsible for about half of the well-known, big-shot Super fights that were held in places like the Den. The other half were run by the Red Crown.

Despite their differences and budding rivalry, both benefitted from this law being passed. The Silver Panthers had resorted to bribing Senators to vote yes, threatening those who were planning on voting no. No doubt the Crown knew, but they didn’t do anything to stop them.

When Senator Kim had blatantly rejected the Panthers’ bribe and discovered they’d been bribing the other Senators, he was approached by the Crown, and told them what the Panthers had done. Fool.

To prove he could trust them, the Crown managed to wipe out the Panthers. At least one hundred of them. Subconsciously, you began to tug on your sleeve, shielding your small Crown tattoo from vision.

Regardless, Senator Kim had given in. I guess kidnapping would do that to you.

“The Senators are being blackmailed, threatened and bribed. All by the Crown.”

“So,” a sly smile appears on Johnny’s face as everyone turns to him. “We’re going to take them down. Cut off the head of the snake. No Crown, no votes.”

There’s silence as everyone takes in that information. The Crown headquarters was probably one of the most secure buildings in the city – bordering on government-level – and that was without even taking into consideration the amount of Supers they had recruited.

Renjun clears his throat, “H-how?”

Jaehyun snaps his fingers and gestures to a stack of binders on the floor. You hadn’t even realised they were there when you first walked in, too enamoured by the room’s magnificence. Most of the boys get up to get one like students collecting worksheets from a teacher – Chenle throws one at Donghyuck, who hasn’t made any motion to move and grunts when the heavy binder hits him in the stomach, and Mark hands you one when he sits down again. Doyoung and Johnny don’t move either, clearly already aware of whatever’s inside.

“Globex Incorporated holds their annual charity ball in a week,” Jaehyun states. You knew Globex was a front for the Red Crown – a business they received all their funding from. The leaders of the Crown had no actual power of the company – they were simply in business.

You open the cover to reveal all the information the team has gathered about the Crown and the charity ball. You look at the photos, mystified. You’d never been able to attend, even as a Crown yourself, but you suddenly wished you had. The ball was held in the mansion’s ballroom, a room that looked like the interior of an old palace. Large, tall windows leading to small, outdoor balconies were separated by walls woven with soft shades of blue and the expensive glint of gold. A grand, red-carpeted staircase on one side of the room with men standing at attention on either side. People in glamorous outfits were dancing, standing, talking, laughing. Ball gowns and tuxedos, all more expensive than anything you’ve ever owned.

“Everybody who’s anybody will be there,” Johnny adds. You knew what that meant, immediately. Almost every wealthy person in the city had some connection to the Super fights – either they ran them, had their own competitors, bet on them. Flipping through the binder, photographs and information were scattered throughout. Politicians, celebrities, famous Supers, new-money gamblers, gang leaders.

You didn’t have to be wealthy to be involved in the underground Super fight scene, you know that – probably too well – but being wealthy definitely has its perks in the world of the Supers.

Jaehyun brings the meeting back on track, “Our priority will not be to mingle.” He shoots Johnny a look, but Johnny doesn’t react, obviously too used to Jaehyun’s fierce gaze. “If we’re going to take down the Crown, this will be our only opportunity to get inside before the vote.”

“You want to take them down during the ball?” You say, disbelief and shock in your voice.

“No. We just need to be able to get back inside once the ball is over.”

“The Crown’s security is more secure than anything we’ve ever infiltrated before,” Johnny’s gaze sweeps over Renjun, who almost looks guilty. You remember Mark had mentioned Renjun was the one who had hacked into the Crown’s security footage of the main gate. “We needed a plan that would let us get back in once everyone else is gone.”

“So, we came up with one.”

Jaehyun begins to explain the plan, and everyone in the room follows along, reading through information in the binder. You know it’s not supposed to be what you’re thinking about, but all you can think about is Jaehyun in the local office supply store, getting his top-secret mission information sheets printed and bound.

“Once we get back in… we’re going to kill them?” Jaemin is furiously flipping through the pages in search of an answer.

Johnny looks at Chenle and shrugs, “We blow it up.” This brings a smile to Chenle’s face, and you realise it’s the first time you’ve seen him smile. Madmen, you remind yourself, like your first day of training. They’re all madmen.

“You can’t get in without ID,” you say, weary. You’d sat through over two weeks worth of gate footage, read the notes covering the gate that date back to months ago, and you knew you couldn’t get past that gate without any ID. Scans of the car model, registration and the driver’s ID were all tested.

“The Red Prince can,” Doyoung says, and naturally everyone looks at him. His intense gaze is fixated on you. “You’ve seen the footage. The one car that does gets through the gate without ID.”

“The model and registration are completely original. They’re custom.” You’d struggled trying to take notes during the footage watching, because most of the cars were made custom for the Crown. Not only were the models not even available on the market, each one was detailed with a small silver crown in the corner of the back bumper. The Prince’s car probably had even more tiny details that would be impossible to replicate from the footage.

“We know. We have a plan for that, too,” Jaehyun says this with a wave of his hand, as if this was only a small misunderstanding. Does he know we’ll be killed on sight if we try and sneak in?

The plan is ridiculous and will most definitely get you killed, but you agree to it. Only because you know that if you don’t, you’ll be endangering Jaemin. And he has a much better chance of survival if you’re there with him. The others will be staking out the Crown.

When you were a part of the Red Crown, there had been a very limited number of Crowns were ever invited to the annual ball. Famous fighters and wealthy businessmen who looked like they belonged there, yes. You? No.

The leaders of the Crown would most definitely be there, which was both great and terrifying – you couldn’t imagine running into one of them, though you doubt they would even say anything to you. You’d relayed everything you knew about the Crown to Jaehyun earlier in the week, from numbers to abilities to plans, connections and processes. He’d picked you apart, quizzed you multiple times on the same things. That included everything you knew about the leaders, those who ran everything under the Prince. They were more powerful than any of the Crowns and if you got in trouble with them…

Jaehyun informs you that the following week will be preparation for the ball. It will be filled with tuxedo fittings, study sessions and, of course, training. Renjun had managed to pull a map of the house from the security and, even though you knew the layout more than anyone, you still made sure to look at it over and over again.

There is a heavy silence that has settled over the room, and when Jaehyun dismisses the team, everyone stands up and leaves quietly. Most of these people aren’t killers. But they will be.

Jeno stays behind, and you can practically hear the cogs turning in his head, his mind fixating on something.

“Y/n,” Jaehyun’s tone is monotonous. When you turn around, his eyes drop down to your wrist, “Wear something to cover that.” You glance down at where your sleeve has rolled up to reveal your tattoo, nod and step out of the room, dragging your feet to your bedroom, wanting nothing more than to flop onto your bed and lay there like a beached whale.

Apparently, you’re not the only one, because as soon as you enter, you see Donghyuck has had the same idea, lying sprawled out face-down on his bed, already asleep.

“He’s dead,” Renjun says, as if he can read your – incorrect – thoughts when he walks past your bedroom to his own. You hadn’t even made it inside yet, having stopped in the doorway.

You turn around, “How do you know?”

“He’s annoying the shit out of me.” You frown. Odd thing to say about your dead best friend.

You frown and look back at the boy in your room, only now realising he’s not breathing. You almost want to know howbut you don’t bother asking.

“This’ll only take about half an hour,” Renjun nods in the direction of Donghyuck’s body. Something beside him catches his attention and he wrinkles his nose. “Yeah, whatever.” He slinks off into his room, the door closing loudly.

You busy yourself with looking through the information Jaehyun had given you, learning everything you can about the people attending the ball. You recognise a few of the high-stakes gamblers and fighters – from the Den – and others you hadn’t seen in years, not since you’d attended some of the underground fights with your father. The very same fights that drove him to bankruptcy. The same fights that drove him into the hands of the head of Globex. The same fights that led him to his death.

“Hey,” Jaemin’s voice interrupts your thoughts. You welcome the distraction. He’s standing in the open doorway, leaning against the frame with his shoulder, his arms crossed over his chest. Ever so casual. You look at him, and there’s something about your face that makes his brows furrow, “You okay?”

You nod, “What’s up?”

“I’m wearing black to the ball.” There’s a smirk on his face.

“Huh?”

“You’re my date.” He’s smiling now; he thinks your confusion is cute. “So I’m telling you what I’m wearing so you can match.”

“When exactly did you decide this, Jaemin?” You close the binder on your lap and turn a little in your seat to look at him.

“About five minutes ago?”

“And you didn’t think about, I don’t know, asking me?”

He snorts, uncrosses his arms and lets his hands slide into his front pockets, “Come on, Y/n, this is an assignment. I don’t have to ask.”

We’re supposed to be working together at the ball. Right. “Still could’ve asked me,” you mumble, focusing back on the binder.

He looks over his shoulder and tries to stifle his smile, but you can read every emotion on his face. With that same annoying smile, he enters your room, reaches for your hand and bends over so his face is right in front of yours. “Y/n.” Your eyes widen at the proximity. “Will you be my date to this stupid ball?”

You roll your eyes, “I’d work on your delivery for next time, but yes, I’ll be your date.” His smile widens. If that’s even possible. He looks like the Cheshire Cat.

“Good,” he nods and turns around to leave, his hands going back to his pockets as he saunters out of the room. That’s exactly how he walks, you realise. He saunters places. Without even turning around, he steps out into the hall. “Black,” he reminds you, pointedly.

The room resolves to its usual peacefulness. Until quiet, shallow coughs startle you, and you turn to Donghyuck. You almost forgot your friend was lying dead next to you while you discussed ball matters with Jaemin.

“Welcome back,” you smile.

“Good to be back,” he sits up, groggily.

“What happened this time? Acne scar? Cut your lip?” You knew Donghyuck had a habit of killing himself whenever he had minor physical discrepancies, only to revive after a short while and have perfect, clear skin.

“I was tired,” he yawns, stretching his arms over his head. “Knew I wouldn’t be able to sleep otherwise.” You’d never get used to him talking so casually of his death. He reaches for the stopwatch beside his bed, which you hadn’t even noticed was timing him. “Oh, nice. A full minute earlier. Renjun!” He stands up and carries the stopwatch out of the room, presumably to find and show Renjun.

You sigh and lean back against your headrest, picking up the binder again and tracing the map of the Crown’s house, all the possible routes from the ballroom to the underground parking garage. All the possible routes you may have to follow with Jaemin in a week’s time. One wrong move would mean being caught. One wrong move would mean endangerment. One wrong move would mean death.

So you study.

[kpopfic-recs]

♡ nct ships masterlist ♡

Note: If you are unable to view the formatting on the mobile app, switch to reading on your mobile browser

(Last update 4/27/20)

Key: Fluff (❀) Angst (☆) Mature (☾) Completed Series (✓) Incomplete Series (✗)

  ✿°•∘ɷ∘•°✿ ... ✿°•∘ɷ∘•°✿ ... ✿°•∘ɷ∘•°✿✿°•∘ɷ∘•°✿ ... ✿°•∘ɷ∘•°✿ ... ✿°•∘ɷ∘•°✿

Markhyuck

↳ Series

Put One Foot in Front of the Other (author unknown) II ❀ ✓

Summary: Donghyuck had wished long and hard for something or someone to bring excitement back into his life. (Hospital!AU)

Length of story: 3 parts/4.8k words

Warnings: Illness

Suckerpunched by nascar II (+ Norenmin) ❀ ☆ ✓

Summary: Jaemin knows the way he feels about Jeno and Renjun isn’t right by their society’s standards. (Boarding school!AU)

Length of story: 2 parts/6.6k words

Warnings: Death, suicide, homophobia

another world by ayotenten II ❀ ☆ ✓

Summary: "H-Hyuck ..?", Mark stuttered, his eyes trailing over the younger’s back, "What .. what is that ..?" He never wanted him to find out. He just wanted to live a normal life like everyone else. (In which a world with angels doesn’t exist, or does it?)

Length of story: 2 parts/10.6k words

Warnings: Blood

The Smile Carved Onto Your Face by nextdoorneighbor II ❀ ☆ ✓

Summary: Mark wants to run away with Donghyuck, take him away from his abusive family.

Length of story: 2 parts/12.3k words

Warnings: Minor character death, blood, mental illness, violence, domestic violence, self harm

Duplicity by excelgensis II ☆ ☾ ♡ ✓

Summary: “What’s between us has never been wrong. It’s just simple. You and me. Me and you. We’ve always been this way.” The air is hitching in Mark’s throat. His fingers finally find purchase in Donghyuck’s hoodie and they both freeze. 'Simple,' he thinks. 'Mark and Donghyuck. Donghyuck and Mark. Set on a collision course since the beginning of the universe.'

Length of story: 2 parts/16.1k words

Warnings: Internalized homophobia

someone’s bound to get burned by bfmark II ❀ ✓

Summary: "Jesus, I said to draw him, not make someone you don't know an entire shrine." "That's mark to you. and I know, but when you're asked to observe an angel so ethereal, your hand tends to slip, you know?" "Not really-" "Oh my god, just get in the car, picasso." Alternatively, Mark gets a little out of hand when he tries to prove his brother wrong and accidentally gets whipped for the boy from directed study. Along the way, he learns that change isn't so bad after all.

Length of story: 9 parts/20.4k words

Warnings: Mentions of mental illness

a little extraordinary by saddermachine II ❀ ☆ ✓

Summary: It's not exactly normal to have a strange boy climbing through your bedroom window in the dead of night. it's even more unusual to have this become a regular occurrence. Mark tries his best to take it all in his stride but it all get's decidedly difficult when a growing crush and a murky backstory keep trying to trip him up. (High School!AU)

Length of story: 24 parts/118.8k words

Warnings: Mentions of child abuse, sexual abuse/rape, guns & gaslighting, violence, blood.

hell week by bluebot II ❀ ☆ ♡ ✓

Summary: Lee Donghyuck's Abridged Guide to Surviving Finals:

Don’t attempt to do any demon invocation rituals from mysterious old magic books you found in the university library.

If you disobey Tip #1, immediately find a way to break the curse and cast the demon back into Hell.

2a. Don't keep the demon around and, above all,

2b. Don't go and fall for the hellspawn.

Also, for the love of God, make sure to get a full night's sleep before your first exam.

(In which Donghyuck's a college student who takes everything too lightly and Mark's the Underworld's worst demon.)

Length of story: 17 parts/150.9k words

Warnings: Blood, demons, mentions of death, mentions of hunger, underage drinking.

  ↳ One Shots

my brothers don’t like it when you come around by daikonradish II ❀

Summary: There’s a crack in the door to the bedroom, and Taeyong squeezes beside Doyoung in order to get a look inside, right above Johnny on his knees, and Jaehyun on his tippy toes. They collectively stare at the boy typing into the pink flip phone, the sound of sweet laughter following every movement of his fingers across the keyboard. “What do you think it is?” Johnny whispers, head resting on his palms. “I don’t know.” Taeyong answers, a somber expression on his face. “But it can’t be anything good.” (90s!AU)

Length of story: 2.2k words

Warnings: None

The Edge of Glory by Hear_the_Dokidoki II ☾

Summary: 

- If you lied about your health status 1) fuck you and 2) I will track you down.

- Do not peek. Where is the fun in that anyways?

- Praise is always ok, but don’t degrade me unless I give you permission.

- Do not force me to deepthroat.

If you break the rules…Remember: your dick is in my mouth and I have teeth :) (College!AU)

Length of story: 2.3k words

Warnings: Virgin!Mark, glory hole

summer night by kuntens II ❀ ☾

Summary: Donghyuck has always been clear about what he wants, but it's a whole different story when it comes to Mark Lee.

Length of story: 2.4k words

Warnings: None

Church Boys by fluffywinkos II ❀

Summary: A new face brings new feelings and experiences for the young devout boy, Lee Donghyuck.

Length of story: 2.7k words

Warnings: Mentions of homophobia

Between Shadow and Soul by excelgesis II ☆ ☾

Summary: Maybe it’s better, Mark thinks, that Donghyuck takes his honey skin and windchime voice and goes far, far away--because Donghyuck is sin personified and Mark Lee is a good Christian. But Mark knows that in the dead of night he'd gladly take bruised knees and an aching throat for Donghyuck, and he finds no reprieve in Bible verse or the kaleidoscopic beauty of stained glass.

Length of story: 2.7k words

Warnings: Internalized homophobia, religious themes, voyeurism

test me by hoesthetic II ❀ ☆

Summary: "Are you a compulsive liar then?" Mark asks, it's a joke, kind of. But he has always been told that he isn't very funny so it's a surprise when the other boy snorts. "Nah, but I could be. You can be whatever you want. Anyway, I'm Donghyuck. And you-", he says, then pokes Mark's chest with his finger, "-are going to be my friend". Mark meets Donghyuck while attending group therapy and although he knows everything is temporary, he lets himself hope that it will last.

Length of story: 3.3k words

Warnings: Mental illness, pyromania, depression, suicidal thoughts/actions

you’re in my prayers by jisungs II ❀

Summary: Donghyuck, in the midst of a boring summer, meets a church boy named Mark and falls in love.

Length of story: 3.3k words

Warnings: Drinking, mentions of drugs

Because you’re...you by ncitykillsme II ❀

Summary: Haechan steals Mark's clothes because he thinks that's the closest he can get to Mark without rejection. (College!AU)

Length of story: 3.4k words

Warnings: None

here is where the wave broke (and turned back to the sea) by hericide II ❀ ☆

Summary: Donghyuck is an intelligent young king, but he refuses to think about why Mark never comes home from the war.

Length of story: 3.5k words

Warnings: Minor character death

To Bear the Shade by excelgesis II ☆

Summary: He sees Donghyuck’s hooded gaze in the dingy light of a bathroom as he stumbles against Mark and slurs that 'it doesn’t have to mean anything'. Mark wants it to mean something. He always has. “Don’t,” Mark whispers, trailing his lips along Donghyuck’s jawline and leaving a smear of blood in their wake, “don’t tell me it doesn’t mean anything.” Donghyuck’s fingers dig into Mark’s waist. “It’s always meant something.” (Vampire!AU)

Length of story: 3.8k words

Warnings: Blood/blood drinking, suggestive content

Collar Full by valetudinary II ☆

Summary: Donghyuck sees the colorful strings connecting each person to one another. Life isn't all that exciting when he suddenly gets his heart broken, until a boy whose strings shine the brightest walks into his life.

Length of story: 5.1k words

Warnings: None

wanna spill my GUTS by nascar II ☆

Summary: The second day into his senior year, Mark makes a list. Scrappily labeled “How to Not Fall In Love With Lee Donghyuck.” In retrospect, he realizes that the list was counterproductive in every sense of the word. In Seventh grade at lacrosse camp, he’d been cross-checked by five feet and one-hundred lbs of unyielding boy. He’d been in love with Lee Donghyuck before he’d even hit the ground.

Length of story: 5.4k words

Warnings: Underage drug use, drinking, suggestive content

Kissing Lessons by americanbaekhyun II ☆

Summary: Mark has a girlfriend but doesn't know how to kiss. Donghyuck offers to give him lessons. (College!AU)

Length of story: 5.6k words

Warnings: Drinking, drugs, smoking

you’re like summer (brighter than the morning sun) by donghyuck II ❀

Summary: Mark's family moves into the empty house besides Haechan, and Mark both hates and loves the room that he gets because it gives him a good view of the backyard where Haechan is always sun tanning.

Length of story: 6.2k words

Warnings: Underage drinking

six deadly sins. by sugarhyuck II ❀ ☆

Summary: Mark's journey to deal with the six deadly sins: sloth, pride, greed, envy, anger, and lust to have Donghyuck as his.

Length of story: 6.9k words

Warnings: Suggestive content

Out Of Your Mind by SlimeQueen II ❀ ☆ ♡

Summary: Mark just wants to be a regular teenager. Or as regular as an eighteen-year-old sharing his body with a demon can get. And unfortunately for him, Donghyuck loves making things complicated.

Length of story: 7.1k words

Warnings: Drugs, demons/demonic possession 

windows. by dancehyuck II ❀ ☆

Summary: Mark wants to spend time with the blind people at his church because that's just the kind of person he is, but when he meets Donghyuck, it becomes so much more than that.

Length of story: 7.2k words

Warnings: Illness

come over here and overwhelm me by hoesthetic II ❀

Summary: There's this boy. The first time Mark saw him sitting on the bleachers, he swore to God that his heart dropped down to his stomach. Now Mark knows his name, it's Donghyuck Lee, but back then he didn't. It was like love at first sight, the pretty emo kid laughing with his emo friends. (High school!AU)

Length of story: 8.3k words

Warnings: Drinking

the weekend, or whatever by paroxysmalirony II ❀

Summary: Donghyuck snorts. “And I'm the extra one.” “I guess you're rubbing off on me,” Mark shrugs and sets off quietly. (High school!AU, Athlete!Mark)

Length of story: 8.8k words

Warnings: Underage drug use

i was lowkey (that’s the old me) by hyuckheis II ❀

Summary: Donghyuck is going to start prematurely greying because of Mark Lee. Alternatively, Mark gets glasses. (College!AU, FTL!AU)

Length of story: 9.2k words

Warnings: None

I Had Everything (I Can See In Your Eyes) by The_TrashLifeisReal II ☆

Summary: Mark is only 16 but he's already lived two lives: Life with Haechan and life without Haechan. But in both of them Mark is in love and it hurts him. (High school!AU)

Length of story: 9.3k words

Warnings: Implied/referenced rape/non-con, underage drinking, implied/referenced alcohol abuse/alcoholism, implied/referenced child abuse, implied/referenced underage sex, implied/referenced underage prostitution

Honey by lumarkle II ☆

Summary: Sometimes the things we want the most have the most power to hurt us, and Mark Lee learns this the hard way.

Length of story: 9.8k words

Warnings: Bullying, toxic friendships, unhappy (?) ending kinda sorta

when we get closer by bluebot II ❀ ☾ ♡

Summary: Donghyuck loved Mark like this. On a rare lazy day, Donghyuck and Mark stay in and watch a movie together while their hyungs are out. (FTL!AU)

Length of story: 10.7k words

Warnings: First time

ch-ch-ch-cherry bomb! by idolrapper II ❀ ♡

Summary: “You’ve obviously thought about it if it’s on your list,” Jaemin says, stirring his bibimbap after squeezing an obscene amount of gochujang on it. “Which by the way is a worryingly short list. Like you’d take a bullet for Donghyuck? You’d sit through his gazillionth rewatch of the Twilight series? But you wouldn’t fuck him?” Or Donghyuck asks his best friend Mark to take his virginity. Feelings ensue. (College!AU, FTL!AU)

Length of story: 12.8k words

Warnings: Sexual content (not necessarily smut but pretty spicy?)

Today, too, the policeman sits (by the busker’s empty pitch) by mylifeincoffeespoons II ❀ ☆

Summary: Seoul Police Officer Mark Lee is reassigned to a quiet town, population ~1k. Which is, of course, where he meets the most troublesome (read: annoying) repeat offender of his entire career: street violinist Lee Donghyuck. Alternatively: Mark is a cop, but who exactly is pursuing who is anyone's guess.

Length of story: 15k words

Warnings: None

Equal exchange by sunshineandeyebrows II ❀ ☆ ☾ ♡

Summary: Donghyuck groans, plops gracefully down on the chair situated behind him. "Don't call me Your Majesty, that's my brother," he complains. "How should I call you, then, My Prince?" Mark asks carefully, but he's stopped trembling. "That!" Donghyuck decides. "I like the sound of it, call me that." Mark nods again, remembers he got reprimanded for that. "As you wish, My Prince," he mumbled quickly. Donghyuck grins. (Royalty!AU)

Length of story: 15.1k words

Warnings: Mentions of slavery, scars

creature of habit by ilovenct II ❀ ☆

Summary: If Jeno was the angel on Mark’s shoulder, then Donghyuck was the devil, and Mark wanted to do something that felt wrong, even just once.

Length of story: 18.5k words

Warnings: Underage drinking, anxiety attacks, implied/referenced drug use, cheating

Set my heart high (like a volleyball) by bluedheart II ❀

Summary: Mark and Donghyuck belong to rival high schools and they hate each other's guts — they're not even subtle about this statement. They think the universe must be playing a joke on them when they end up in the same university, auditioning for the same volleyball team. (College!AU, ETL!AU)

Length of story: 19.1k words

Warnings: None

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Noren

↳ One Shots

mint and vanilla by jenhyung II ❀

Summary: Renjun juggles a secret admirer, his best friend's life crisis, and Lee Jeno. (High school!AU, FTL!AU)

Length of story: 13.4k words

Warnings: None

the crystal chaser by jenhyung II ❀ ♡

Summary: Renjun has to deal with love potions, tea leaf readings, and the smell of throw up. (Harry Potter!AU)

Length of story: 17.4k words

Warnings: Vomit

  ✿°•∘ɷ∘•°✿ ... ✿°•∘ɷ∘•°✿ ... ✿°•∘ɷ∘•°✿✿°•∘ɷ∘•°✿ ... ✿°•∘ɷ∘•°✿ ... ✿°•∘ɷ∘•°✿

Johnten

↳ One Shots

Happy Birthday, Loser by ouchwinwin II ❀ ☾

Summary: Ten gives Johnny something unusual for his birthday, and Johnny has to show his friends in the chat room exactly what he got. (FTL!AU)

Length of story: 6.4k words

Warnings: None

  ✿°•∘ɷ∘•°✿ ... ✿°•∘ɷ∘•°✿ ... ✿°•∘ɷ∘•°✿✿°•∘ɷ∘•°✿ ... ✿°•∘ɷ∘•°✿ ... ✿°•∘ɷ∘•°✿

Johnyong

↳ One Shots

Little Miss Ruby by NeoCopperTechnology II ❀

Summary: Johnny finds a lost dog in front of his house and takes it to school with him. (College!AU)

Length of story: 12k words

Warnings: Drinking, mentions of sex

  ✿°•∘ɷ∘•°✿ ... ✿°•∘ɷ∘•°✿ ... ✿°•∘ɷ∘•°✿✿°•∘ɷ∘•°✿ ... ✿°•∘ɷ∘•°✿ ... ✿°•∘ɷ∘•°✿

Dojae

↳ One Shots

To whom shall I pray to by AngelsMayDie II ❀ ☆

Summary: Where Doyoung (Hades) yearns for a forbidden love with the god that is hardest to reach, Jaehyun (Persephone).

Length of story: 9.3k words

Warnings: Drinking

  ✿°•∘ɷ∘•°✿ ... ✿°•∘ɷ∘•°✿ ... ✿°•∘ɷ∘•°✿✿°•∘ɷ∘•°✿ ... ✿°•∘ɷ∘•°✿ ... ✿°•∘ɷ∘•°✿

Luwoo

↳ One Shots

you have my world (you’re my small universe) by princepixel II ❀

Summary: Hopeless romantic (and really tired) coffee shop worker Jungwoo is just going about his days (read: keeping Mark and Donghyuck from killing each other) when he starts getting hit on through....Yelp reviews? Who the hell is this 'W.Y.H' person and why does he keep saying Jungwoo's ass is so 'hella fine'? And they say romance is dead. (FTL!AU, slight side markhyuck)

Length of story: 10.2k words

Warnings: Slight mention of homophobia

  ✿°•∘ɷ∘•°✿ ... ✿°•∘ɷ∘•°✿ ... ✿°•∘ɷ∘•°✿✿°•∘ɷ∘•°✿ ... ✿°•∘ɷ∘•°✿ ... ✿°•∘ɷ∘•°✿

Dota

↳ One Shots

Chains by berryboys II ❀

Summary: Doyoung swears that if Yuta says "no homo" once more, he's just going to kiss the hell out of him.

Length of story: 5.2k words

Warnings: Mentions of homophobia, suggestive content

  ✿°•∘ɷ∘•°✿ ... ✿°•∘ɷ∘•°✿ ... ✿°•∘ɷ∘•°✿✿°•∘ɷ∘•°✿ ... ✿°•∘ɷ∘•°✿ ... ✿°•∘ɷ∘•°✿

2Tae

↳ One Shots

All of you by taeyong II ☾

Summary: Taeil tries to get his boyfriend drunk to know his species and gets more than what he bargained for.

Length of story: 3k words

Warnings: Tentacles, incubus!taeyong, human!taeil

  ✿°•∘ɷ∘•°✿ ... ✿°•∘ɷ∘•°✿ ... ✿°•∘ɷ∘•°✿✿°•∘ɷ∘•°✿ ... ✿°•∘ɷ∘•°✿ ... ✿°•∘ɷ∘•°✿

Norenmin

↳ Series

Suckerpunched by nascar II (+ Markhyuck) ❀ ☆ ✓

Summary: Jaemin knows the way he feels about Jeno and Renjun isn’t right by their society’s standards. (Boarding school!AU)

Length of story: 2 parts/6.6k words

Warnings: Death, suicide, homophobia

  ✿°•∘ɷ∘•°✿ ... ✿°•∘ɷ∘•°✿ ... ✿°•∘ɷ∘•°✿✿°•∘ɷ∘•°✿ ... ✿°•∘ɷ∘•°✿ ... ✿°•∘ɷ∘•°✿

Multiple Members

↳ Series

The Virgin’s Sob Story by brujsedbones II (Mark x 94-99 line) ❀ ☾ ♡ ✓

Summary: Meet Mark Lee: wildly popular virgin erotica novelist with a horrible case of writer’s block, freshly dumped by his now ex-boyfriend Kang Daniel, superstar hockey player, and the nation’s sweetheart.

Length of story: 14 parts/47.2k words

Warnings: Aged up characters, loss of virginity

  ↳ One Shots

Of How Curiosity Killed the Cat by gemihyuck II (00 line) ☾

Summary: Things escalate when Renjun, Jeno, Jaemin and Haechan find themselves browsing through porn sites together. 

Length of story: 2.7k words

Warnings: None

Everybody loves me by tol_sirion II (Taeil x 95-97 line) ☾

Summary: Recently, Taeil has been fantasizing about it. Dreaming about it sometimes, waking up half hard and with a moan on the tip of his tongue, rutting against the bed.

Length of story: 8.3k words

Warnings:  Gangbang, voyeurism

[hyucksong]

impulse.| lee jeno

summary: Jeno doesn’t understand what makes a human happy, or what makes them impulsive or unsatisfied -- he doesn’t understand why there’s a ‘certain’ way to be happy. Because there’s not. And you (and his friends) prove that. 

warnings: weed and dreamies, jeno has a pretty close-minded view at the beginning and it made me mad to even write it lol, 

word count: 2.0 k

   Jeno doesn’t understand why he’s impulsive.

   He wonders sometimes if it’s because when he was in high school, he never let himself breathe. He stuck to the rules like gum to long hair, you’d never catch him dog-earing book pages or with a button undone on his sweater. His shoes were always polished and his hair always combed, his smile always polite and his posture stick-straight. Being untidy was a sign of unorganized, and unorganized was a sign of bad grades -- and bad grades were a sign of a bad future. At least, to Jeno it meant that.

   His thoughts were always racing, whether it be about the Calculus test the next day or how what you wore defined you -- he thought himself to be open-minded, but the second he’d see a girl in a miniskirt or a guy with loose pants, he’d judge them. To him though, that didn’t matter -- everyone judged everyone! I’m no different.

   But his way of thinking was exactly what drove him into a corner. It drove him into burnout, into depression. Because he could never be as perfect as he idealized. He could never be his older brother with a 5.0 GPA and a full scholarship to Harvard, and he couldn’t be his younger brother with musical genius and social skills. His charisma was lacking, he couldn’t help but let negative and rude insults slip from his mouth whenever someone made a mistake, which unsurprisingly pushed people away from his personality, even if he was mildly good-looking. 

   So maybe he’s impulsive because one day he snapped -- maybe it happened when he didn’t get a full ride to the college of his dreams, or when his little brother got a girlfriend before him, or maybe it was when he was walking on his way to his first college class and a rude upperclassman bumped into him, spilling his drink all over his sweater vest and polo shirt, without apologizing. 

   Regardless, by the time he had made it through the first month of college, he was different. He no longer cared about his grades, about the rules, or about his brother’s success. He let himself be free, he let himself go. 

   He dropped out of college and let his appearance become untidy, his hair was always combed by his calloused fingers and his buttons were always mismatched. He decided to pursue music, it was something he had heard about, and was mildly interested in during high school, but pursuing music meant being a starving artist. And that was unacceptable to Jeno.

   Or, it was to the old Jeno. 

    The new Jeno just wanted to be happy. So the new Jeno spent a good three months working odd jobs and learning about music in his free time, and while the odd jobs sometimes required him to get up at the ass-crack of dawn and clean questionable places, he had never been happier. Especially when during the graveyard shift at the convenience store down his complex brought him the opportunity of meeting his now close friends.

   Jaemin had came in reeking of weed, his friends trailing behind him with the same half-lidded red-lined eyes he had. Jeno had initially rolled his eyes, not really wanting to deal with seven annoying and high teenagers. That was until Whitney Houston’s ‘ I Will Always Love You ‘ came on and the teens joined all together in a raspy and off-key high rendition of the classic.

   He supposed they were alright then. 

   “Can I also have a cup of coffee?” The blonde in front of Jeno asked. Jeno tried to ignore the distracting blue streaks on the boy’s bangs, instead opting to shake his head and point towards the front of the store. “You get it when you come in. It’s literally by the door.” A fluttery giggle left the blonde-and-blue boy’s lips before he apologized and trailed over to get his coffee. At...three in the morning. Jeno didn’t ask.

   “Sorry about him, he’s, uh --” A shorter boy with a mullet started, and hesitated his words. He looked over to the rest of the group, watching as they slowly-blinked right in front of him, still processing the words. “High. He’s high.” Another voice added, a hint of annoyance hidden in their tone. 

   Jeno’s eyes darted over to your figure. Your hands were in the pockets of your distressed black jean jacket, and your legs were tittering back and forth in tight black leggings. Your eyes weren’t red like the rest, but your eyes were still tired-looking nonetheless, and your brows were tilted downwards in perpetual irritation. Jeno noticed that your hair was extremely messy, and then saw your shirt that was covered in an abundance of stains. He realized that you must’ve been pulled out of bed in your pajamas. 

   You looked down to see what he was looking at and laughed, “They dragged me out of bed to be their designated driver.” 

   “Ah.” Jeno understood your aggravated expression. 

   “Yes we did! Thank you so much Angel, we appreciate you so much!” The coffee boy exclaimed, wrapping his arms around your waist, but fell back with a groan as you elbowed him in the stomach. “Don’t touch me, you smell like cannabis.” You grumbled. 

   “You’re driving them around even though you don’t like weed?” Jeno smirked, amused at your contradicting actions. You rose your brow and scoffed, shifting your weight onto another one of your legs. “I don’t want a phone call telling me six boys died in a car crash because they wanted to smoke weed late at night. I’m being generous.”

   “Not that it’s any of your buisness.” You quickly pushed out, before suddenly springing into action and shoving your card into Jeno’s hands and muttering that you would pay for everything, making the boys cheer from behind you. This time, when a separate boy with bright orange traffic cone hair hugged you,  you didn’t shrug him off, instead letting out a heavy sigh.

   You mumbled a quick ‘thank you’, before grabbing the bag and handing the coffee to the blonde-and-blue boy and walking out of the door, waiting for all the boys to go out in front of you as you did a head count. 

   When you finally stepped out of the store, Jeno couldn’t help but feel a magnetic compulsion to go after you, so he gave in. He grabbed his coat and keys before closing the store way too early -- considering the store is open 24/7 -- and ran after your slouching figure. The second his hand caught your wrist, he felt he really made the right move. Like the best decision of his life was being made right that second.

   “Hey,” He panted, his eyes searching your wide ones, “Can I get your number?” His heart was beating in his ears and his mind raced with thought of what could happen between you two if you said yes --

   “What? No.” You sneered, and with that, you got in the car and turned the key towards you, speeding off. (well, drove off, you don’t like speeding, especially not with six other high boys in the car.) 

   Oh.

   Jeno sighed and walked back in the store, turning back on the lights and going to his place behind the counter. ‘So much for impulse.’ Jeno bitterly thought.

   He sure was surprised when he saw you come in the next night with the same boys with double the darkness under your eyes, except their eyes were clear and held a teasing nature. Your cheeks were dusted in  hesitant a beautiful red as you held out your phone. Maybe, just maybe, he’d get his chance again.

   Now here you were, dressed in his shirt with nothing else on but socks and your underwear, choking Jisung for eating all your snacks. Jeno felt himself smile as you pulled the youngest member of your friend group into a choke hold, the younger begging for mercy. Jeno’s eyes looked over your apartment, where his boxes were sitting in the corner, not yet unpacked. He watched as Jaemin attempted to cuddle his boyfriend and was brutally rejected by a blushing and stuttering Renjun, he watched as Mark and Haechan napped on the large sofa, embraced in each other’s arms, where Chenle sat at the end of the sofa, scrolling through his phone.

   This was true happiness. Not getting perfect grades, not being judgmental, not thinking you’re better than everyone else; maybe that was happiness for someone else, but not for Jeno. Jeno found his happiness in the moment, the moment where he and his friends were laughing and annoying the old neighbors. 

   After a few seconds, Jeno realized that the screaming stopped, and Jisung walked out the kitchen rubbing his throat, complaining as Chenle squawked and made fun of him. But either way, the boy still sat next to Chenle and buried his head in the older’s shoulder, whining about the ‘trauma’ that Y/n gave him. 

   Jeno got up from his spot in the reclining chair and walked towards the kitchen, where he found you. You were bent over looking in the bottom of your pantry, grumbling about how kids were gremlins, or something like that. Your pale blue underwear with the word ‘badass’ printed in bold golden letters stuck out, making Jeno’s shoulders shake with amusement. 

   “What’re you doing there?” He chimed, walking up behind you and using his fingers to trace the grooves of your spine. 

   “I’m currently looking to see if there’s anything Jisung didn’t eat.” Your hand still moved around the storage, not paying much mind to Jeno, even though his hands did make the corners of your lips tug up. “Mmm, really?” He bent down with you, matching the contours of your back as he practically laid down on you. You laughed and stood up, with a slight struggle because he weighed so much, and turned to face him.

   “Yes,” You sang, crossing your arms as his wrapped around your waist and pulled you closer. Jeno didn’t say anything, instead opting to let his lips wander to yours. He could feel you smile into the impulsive kiss, the mold of his lips against yours a familiar feeling that caused butterflies to fly in both of your stomachs. 

   He pulled away, and let his forehead rest on yours. Your eyes smiled in a rare show of happiness. You were never one to show your affection constantly, nor were you someone people should be friends with if they wanted a normal friendship. So the grin on your face caused Jeno’s cheeks to bloom in love.

   “You can see your underwear...” He whispered, his glasses making the close proximity of your face give him a slight headache. You quirked your brow up, and smirked. “And? So what?”

   Jeno took off his glasses, placing them on the counter before caging you in the corner where the two counters met. 

   “So? We’ll have to do something about that.” His whisper in the crook of your neck caused pleasant shivers to travel up your spine, much like his fingers did, into your heart strings. It probably wasn’t the best idea to do anything with the boys in the next room, but you just wanted to feel him against you, in the most intimate way possible.

   You could face the consequences later. 

///

   Lee Jeno understands why he's impulsive.

   It’s because the thrill of the unplanned moment makes Jeno’s heart race the way 100′s on his tests never did -- it’s because he’s finally happy to not have to adhere to the rules and follow in his brother’s footsteps with no choices or happiness of his own.

   And maybe it’s because his impulse gave him the gift of your love. 

   (and the gift of his good friends, but that’s way too cheesy for him to ever say.)