talkingcatluci

[talkingcatluci]

Carlos: It’s not fairrrr I want a puppy.

Jay: And I wanted that man’s wallet.

Jay: So I stole it.

Jay: The lesson here is stealing is always the answer.

[talkingcatluci]

Chad: Look! I got B in my blood test!

Evie: That’s good, at least your blood is smarter than you.

[talkingcatluci]

Uma: While I’m gone, you’re in charge Gil.

Gil: Yes!

Uma, whispering to Harry: You are secretly in charge but I don’t want him to feel bad.

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Maleficent: My dreams were shattered many years ago.

Mal: How many years ago?

Maleficent: …How old are you?

[talkingcatluci]

[talkingcatluci]

Evie: Why exactly are you carrying around one of the wanted posters of yourself?

Uma: It’s nice to feel wanted for a change.

[talkingcatluci]

Audrey: You’ve saved me, I owe you my life.

Mal: No thanks. I’ve seen your life and I’m not impressed.

[talkingcatluci]

Jay: How do you want your coffee Carlos?

Carlos: As dark and as bitter as my soul.

Jay, to barista: One vanilla latte with extra cream and sugar. Oh, and whipped cream on top.

[talkingcatluci]

Mal: What the hell happened here?

Uma: Not your business, Mal.

Mal: That’s Queen Mal to you.

Uma: Oh is it? In that case, I’m President Uma, and this is my associate, Emperor Harry.

Harry: God Emperor Harry!

[talkingcatluci]

Audrey: So do you want a sweet popcorn or salty popcorn?

Ben, staring at Mal: I want it like her.

Audrey: We don’t have ugly popcorn.

[talkingcatluci]

Jay: ow- son of a bi-

Evie, pointing to Dizzy, Squeaky and Squirmy: Jay! Children!

Jay: Biscuit! Son of a biscuit!

Evie: Nice save.

Jay: Yeah fucking nailed it.

[talkingcatluci]

Jay: I swear it wasn’t my fault. I’m colorblind and I didn’t see the red light-

Police: Ok, but you still stole the car.

[talkingcatluci]

Fairy godmother: I’m leaving for three days. Ben is in charge. I’ve left notes for each of you with instructions.

Mal: Mine just says “Mal, no.”

Fairy godmother: And you can apply that to every possible situation.

[talkingcatluci]

Uma: Alright, everyone, pay attention. I have an announcement to make and I only have one minute.

Gil: Why? Are you in a hurry?

Uma: No, i was referring to your relatively short attention spans.

[talkingcatluci]

Ben: Can I be frank with you guys?

Jay: I don’t know how changing your name is going to help us here, but sure.

Carlos: Wait, can I still be Carlos?

Jay: Shh, let Frank speak.

[talkingcatluci]

Mal: Every time I see Ben, my heart clenches and I get all nervous.

Evie: That’s because you love him.

[Later]

Carlos: Every time I see Jane, my heart clenches and I get all nervous.

Jay: Don’t get close to her again. You seem to have an allergic reaction.

[talkingcatluci]

[Carlos and Mal casually walking directly past Ben before the wedding]

Ben: Mal? What are you doing?

Carlos: Wait a second, can you see her?

Ben: Yes.

Carlos: Oh, I totally misunderstood the “groom can’t see the bride in her wedding dress” thing.