talkingchat

[talkingchat]

out here blogging on my depression blog but like... here’s a giant freaking miraculous ladybug rant about a whole bunch of shit i just need to get off my chest.

why are people so fucking mad at adrien constantly? don’t get me wrong the boy needs to grow a backbone but that’s? the entire fucking point???? he’s literally been sheltered by both his parents and y’all acting like one(?) year at school is gonna change his naivety?

the boy has flaws. this is his biggest one - he has no idea how the world works. he thinks believing in lila and not harrassing her is gonna help because the kid has had real friends for like a year (and his only friend before that was CHLOE and let’s be honest, he probably got used to ignoring shit because it was the only way to get past some of HER biggest flaws??). he thinks true love works like a comic book and acts like the teenager he is over it (because he is, like, what, 14??? this is literally how 14 year olds behave y’all). and no he’s not been learning any lessons - again, i really think that’s kind of the point? oni-chan really gave itself to this concept because he finally, finally had enough of lila’s shit, but he’s still too soft to completely shut her out (and for anyone bitching WHAT ABOUT MARINETTE, yes, he’s in the wrong, well done, but like, stop being so fucking whiny about it??? they’re friends. he literally. thinks. they’re. friends. he ain’t gonna do a huge grand gesture for someone who is, frankly, a newly developing relationship in his life. nathalie? gorilla? they are /family/. adrien feels very strongly about family, of course they’re gonna be the last straw!)

but going back to what seems to be most people’s gripes - his apparent playboyness/no backbone/no flaws. 

- he has no idea these girls are actually interested in him. he literally. has. no. idea. some people are this oblivious and, again, he doesn’t have a REAL frame of reference for this! oni-chan’s akumatised item - the rose, which makes everything finally click for him - is a huge deal to adrien. here’s this girl, who kept his rose, who likes him for him. not for the model and not for the fame but for him, who kept this freaking rose that was such an offhand little gesture and he probably thinks it’s super romantic? (also he wasn’t being funny with ladybug when he didn’t give her a fist bump, he was processing. let the boy fucking process something okay).

- how the fuck do you expect adrien to have a backbone with a dad like THAT? he has been kept from people and kept on a clear schedule for his entire life, it’s safe to assume. being chat noir is helping him become more confrontational and to stand up for himself - that’s why he (eventually) stood up to lila - but again, his dad isn’t actively letting him grow as a person. every attempt adrien makes is being quashed by his father trying to ‘protect’ him and just, y’all act like this boy isn’t emotionally fucking abused (which is then disney-washed and ugh it pains me).

- holy. fucking. shit. the show is painted through marinette’s perspective almost exclusively. we see a lot of flaws - his innocence, his unwillingness to get truly confrontational, his petty behaviour over ladybug’s affection (that’s really a post for another day and yes it can be toxic but again a) he’s a fucking 14 year old boy with no real frame of reference and b) HAVE YOU SEEN HIS FATHER? he treats his loved ones like his property. that’s the issue. adrien doesn’t know how to love ladybug properly, and that’s why kagami is so great, because she’s showing him this shit). but to get back on topic, she doesn’t think of him as flawed. so we’re slowly, SO SLOWLY, seeing marinette’s rose coloured glasses fall off (and we are - the last two episodes were great for it, because marinette now has an interest in luka and so she’s moving away and growing and it’s beautiful for everyone involved) and seeing adrien for who he is - still a sweet guy, but with a hell of a lot of growing up and unpacking to do.

honestly at the end of the day, all this salt is just fucking batshit. y’all act like these kids should be super woke paragons of virtue (and that IS what you’re expecting. you ask for flaws in both of them, and then when presented with them, turn around and say how shit they both are and honestly it’s the single most infuriating thing about going through the ml tag??? and i’m mobile most of the time so i can’t even block shit???)

and before y’all @ me, i’m down for lukanette. i’m down for adrigami. i’m down for adrinette. i’m down for what fucking ever the show gives us because it’s all cute as fuck but i come into these tags and can’t bring myself to look at any of the cute shipping stuff because it’s almost always accompanied by some form of character bashing and it’s just fucking insane. you want to take a good look at yourselves, miraculous fandom. seriously.

okay in summary:

- they’re all fucking kids they behave irrationally - adrien has no idea what’s socially acceptable and he’s freaking learning, give the kid a break - marinette has as many flaws as adrien does (she fucking stalked him, guys - s t a l k e d and some of y’all are out here acting like that ain’t the creepiest fucking shit but then crapping on him because he got upset that ladybug didn’t like him like????????? they both act entitled to each other jfc) - everyone is flawed (luka’s is that he’s kinda boring they need to flesh my guitar son out tbh) - all the ships are good -y’all just are impatient fucks who can’t wait for the entire story to be laid out before judging the shit

and yeah fine the show has a lot of issues and i agree with that but holy. fucking. shit. you all nitpick it so god damn much it makes me want to literally rip my eyeballs out????? i’m literally here to enjoy a cheesy ass superhero show and i want to scream instead. thanks for that, btw, clearly what i was really looking for. /sarcasm

idek this became hella incoherent but jfc.

[talkingchat]

Me: I can't possibly be autistic, I'm imagining it.

Also me: *has spent the last two hours getting in from work, exhausted from scripting and dealing with people and having a meltdown in front of my boss, and sitting down to rock and chew on my new stim toy while I research my special interest and executive dysfunction means I am super thirsty but can not complete the next step*

Me: yeah definitely not autistic

(tldr do you ever have moments where you think you are an imposter, and equally do you ever find yourself wondering how you ever thought you WEREN'T autistic?)

[talkingchat]

Warm hands roam where none could reach, and soft  small fragments of a love that never knew. 

They weigh you down. 

Each kiss, each caress the lullaby that wanes wails wavers washes you down, 

washes you out, 

wastes you. The waste of the  word, slides out with the seafoam, screaming silent against the ash as you burn. 

Who dreamed drowning could be so bittersweet?

[talkingchat]

I need you to know one thing. This is not your fault. There was nothing to be done.

there was nothing left to save anyway. h.b.

[talkingchat]

I know it's needy and pathetic. But I'd you're going to talk to me then talk to me. I do not do the comfortable silence thing well. People make me uncomfortable even when I'm comfortable with them. But I'm scared of being a pain by trying to keep a conversation going. I know how this will go. I'm gonna lose them all. I can feel it.

[talkingchat]

just a heads up

if you’re an active follower of mine, i do recognize your username and/or icon. i smile when i see it in my activity. i get excited when you add funny tags to things. i get really happy when you reblog my op posts. so thank you, i appreciate you massively.

[talkingchat]

I'm super interested but the person who posted seems to be an empty blog?

Trans Magic Workshop

I started a new blog that can be found here  It’s meant to be a community page for trans/nonbinary people who practice magic of any kind and is going to be full of spells and sigils and things. trans-warlock should be up and running by tonight. Help spread the word and contact me if you’re interested?

[talkingchat]

Never underestimate the creativity (or perversion) of your players

DM gave my character a ring that allowed me to change a letter or drop a letter of a spell I could cast. The spell will reflect its new name. So a spell like Fireball would become Firball (sharp pine needles explode in a radius), Blur became Slur (if cast on a magic user, they can’t use spells with verbal components), Slow becomes Plow (till a field in a minute), etc.

I’m looking down my list of spells after I get the ring to see what mayhem I can cause & I don’t make it past the cantrips before I start laughing so hard I start to cry. I look up at the DM with a huge grin on my face.

“From now on I will only be casting Vicious Cockery at my enemies. It still does 1d4 psychic damage, but instead of insulting them, a disembodied dick smacks them in the face.”

[talkingchat]

[talkingchat]

I have the most ridiculous sense of comfort and complete calm after looking through a witch blog. Like. I haven't felt like this ever. Is this what feeling at peace is like? Does that mean my calling is being a witch? I almost wandered into that world a long time ago and got scared back out by my family. Can you just... Become a witch? I'm rather confused now.

[talkingchat]

I'm just fed up of being dismissed. If you don't want to talk to me then just tell me you don't want to fucking talk to me.

[talkingchat]

I don't think I'm going to make it to thirty.

[talkingchat]

[Image: A light indigo color block with white text in the center that says “Demisexual NBs are amazing”]

[talkingchat]

Things I am learning about myself in my late twenties: I am nonbinary. I am demisexual. I am demiromantic. I am on the autistic spectrum and currently being referred for formal diagnosis. I am working with the people who failed to spot this in my formative years while they now put a focus on it (and it makes me want to scream). I cannot create a child. I would not want to create a child but I would like to adopt. I am incredibly lonely. I am depressed. I am suicidal. I do not have anyone I can say all these things to. My own thoughts scare me. The people at work discussing autism make me fear that I'm not autistic because my 'special interest' is books and words. Where they come from, what they mean, how words form sentences form paragraphs form novels and conversations. Because I don't find the same fascination in numbers. I am scared. I am not out to my homophobic, bigoted family. I don't think I have the courage to come out to them. I don't want to be die. I do want to die. The dichotomy of this hurts my head. I'm a little bit fucked up.

[talkingchat]

Admit you wanna kill yourself in plain public view and nothing. I just. I wanted to know if I'd be missed if I did it. If i actually did it this time. And now I know.

[talkingchat]

[talkingchat]

Do you ever feel your heart sink in your chest? Feel it settle low in a dark, tumultuous sea, Disappear into the depths and never surface? I never dreamed drowning could be so bittersweet.