talkorsomething - Tumblr blog

talkorsomething · 2 days

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It's okay ! I don't think i've had a moment like that yet, but i'm sure it's coming for me ... :P

I'm posting it for tumblr!!! I can't work instagram search so i can't find anything to back this up ... so, if anyone has that, that would be nice lol. I'm scared to ask my group with nothing but a random reddit post as my source....

I want to do this though if I can :-) even though i have no idea what dayton is even like yet, haha

#i wasnt mad btw!!! just ehhh confused #& tone between the two is hard sometimes over text ... ah such is the way of the world #so; don't worry about it :-) all's good

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talkorsomething · 2 days

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@valecherie ...? I am aware? (& went..?) It's not that i didn't know what dayton was, just that i'd never been before and didn't know what to expect 😅

I'm posting it for tumblr!!! I can't work instagram search so i can't find anything to back this up ... so, if anyone has that, that would be nice lol. I'm scared to ask my group with nothing but a random reddit post as my source....

I want to do this though if I can :-) even though i have no idea what dayton is even like yet, haha

#(it's my 1st year in guard for context)#(soon to be the end of it ... waow i am not ready)#(... anyways.)

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talkorsomething · 4 days

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[(Metaphorically) banging my head against the wall]

I want a joooob

#100% секретный дневник левы НЕ ЧИТАЙ #like not really but also. yes i actually do #except because [redacted] and nowhere that looks promising actually has a good online application setup i CANT apply anywhere anymore #what do i have to do to tell these people i have a job but it literally Does Not Matter and they can hire me anyways............#(nothing btw im stuck like this. me when im autistic except not enough for it to matter except yes enough to impact literally everything)

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talkorsomething · 6 days

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Literally right after i decided i really do want to start hrt i was like wait. My face Will Change. Do i want this???

Um ... yea that's the point? Hello?!?!

#trans #trans ftm #transmasc #hrt #ftm hrt #BIG SIGH. i finally decided it's okay to not be fully at peace with possible balding & that topical(hopefully) finasteride i could [...]#[...] definitely look into if needed. that's it! that was the last thing i thought i had reservations about! augh!!!!!!!#i don't know. maybe it's because this is the first time i've really... considered it considered it as something i'm definitely going to do?#because if my situation will change maybe they'll be more okay with it... i dunno.#i've just wanted this for a while & i dont understand why face changes worry me when that's literally what i want .......#is it the i am autistic? is it the maybe this really is something i could do? feel free to discuss!#no but seriously if anyone has like. advice or experience or whatever feel free to share #(......i have people issues to the point where having to Talk To A Doctor or whatever you have to do feels literally impossible </3)#(this is a 'someone will have to step by step walk me through everything' situation once i actually have money to start hrt)

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talkorsomething · 13 days

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I just found out that i DO have an electric trimmer (not for beards). Infinite power has been given to me...

#100% секретный дневник левы НЕ ЧИТАЙ #trans ftm #transmasc #i dont know how to use it though ........... do i figure it out today and potentially fuck it up or wait until after guard season is over #i feel like i could do it. but also #idk how long we've had it... maybe forever?!

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talkorsomething · 18 days

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Fun first night at dayton :) no bracelets made yet. Didn't enjoy the long trip, but it was only like ...... eight...? hours??? which is still a lot, but it gave us more time to decompress at the hotel, which was nice.

That being said, we are a MENACE to hotels everywhere. I'm glad a couple other guards are staying here too, because at least they might understand...

We're preforming in the early afternoon, so I can get away with staying up a little later, at least! That's nice?

Anyways, day of chaos tomorrow. Hope I survive!

#winterguard #winter guard #100% секретный дневник левы НЕ ЧИТАЙ #daytonblogging

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talkorsomething · 19 days

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My one (1) legally allowed daytonpost of the day as follows:

Did not get to help load props due to Circumstances™️ making me decide to arrive fashionably late. Put my backpack in the trailer anyways (let's all hope the chocolate doesn't melt too bad...!)

It's now late of the day & I am ...... tired. Probably because i had to go drive and also it got WARM today. Like, summer warm almost. And I have a hard time functioning when it's warm, so ...... that's it I guess.

Still have to make bread. Should probably do quick bread so I can monitor it before I go to bed... oh, and shower, too. And ... I have to remember a certain handheld device!!! I can get that in the morning, though. Charge my phone also...

I think first order of business is shower. And then we can think of next order of business. (Make bread?)

Now, let's all hope I can make it to our meetup point tomorrow without issue! Let alone forgetting something at home, I'm worried I'll get lost! I have to leave relatively early to when I get up, too...

I hope tomorrow goes well! I'm lifting the one daytonpost a day ban then, since going to dayton kind of counts as dayton. But also, i will be busy being in a car, so, actual postage during dayton may vary. We'll see!

#100% секретный дневник левы НЕ ЧИТАЙ #daytonblogging #i ALSO altered my binder slightly again as it was bothering me... uhm lets hope i dont break any ribs at dayton either. that would be sad.

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talkorsomething · 20 days

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Washed my costume & my binder ... honestly after having to wash the costume in the SINK all season washing my binder is so easy. Swish swish bitch you're clean now. (Still smells bad but that is because we have the unscented soap + i have been very lax about washing it during the season lol)

I didn't plan anything else to do today ... i could ask the group which extra game they want me to bring, maybe? And POSSIBLY wash the dishes so making bread to take with me isn't such an ordeal but uhm . We have Giant Ants in our kitchen and i hate them. But I don't think I've washed a dish in like at least two months so ... enrichment. If I do it, anyways. Not like there's much else to do?

Have to remember to practice later, if the wind will allow it. Do all the stretching & warmups, at least! I felt so sore yesterday and it was only partially because i actually got to help with the floor. Also i did not do any warmups and was only outside practicing flag work so considering dayton is TWO DAYS AWAY!!!!!!! I should ............ try to actually do that.

#100% секретный дневник левы НЕ ЧИТАЙ #daytonblogging #tangentially winterguard related #this is my one daytonpost of the day ... but i have nothing more substantial to say i'm just excited :)

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talkorsomething · 21 days

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i hate having Multiple Bags™️ so for dayton i'm trying to fit everything in my backpack + messenger bag (lot of space, going to be mostly just holding bread).

Really i wanted to see if I could take Only my backpack, but there's juuust enough extra things i want to take that it's not feasible ... totally smuggling candy in, though. Who are you to begrudge a man his snacks anyways, wgi 🤨

#winterguard #winter guard #daytonblogging #i have to go help load our props on tuesday ... so close yet so far away #i'm bringing like 2 games one of which has kind of a large box so that takes up some extra space lol. my costume ...#the less said about that the better. i roll it because folding is a nightmare and it is still Large #i guess i should limit myself to one daytonpost a day. well anyways i've made more bracelets #spent an hour trying to do a ladder cuff for introspection and then undid it because ladder cuffs SUCK #so anyways . are any of you going to dayton at all or am i the only one on tumblr whos going lol

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talkorsomething · 22 days

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WE DID SO GOOD!!! Next up: dayton!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm still not sure whether we're technically participating in the bracelet trade or not but by god someone will get my morse code bracelets. They WILL be distributed

#winterguard #winter guard #we went up 3 points!!! past the threshold where our director wouldve been uhm . Not Happy.#i'm so excited for dayton can you tell #i have NO REASON to be its just. dayton!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#i'm so ready !!!!!!

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talkorsomething · 24 days

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I blinked and then it was april OOPS i promise i did see all ur replies .......

@borzoibabe wouldn't have been my first thought, but i respect it. thanks :-) google search beauty pageant youtube

@hyruleforests hmm, i've never really had to think about acting, either... 🤔 i don't know that we really have "characters" haha, not in the way i understand it anyways.

I think our senior guard might talk on the floor which is SO WEIRD to me like ,,, huh you what,,,,,, how ,,,,,, to be fair i'm not actually sure if anyone ELSE is talking but i don't think so. I'm not even sure if they count out loud while we're preforming? If they are I can't hear it ... lol. Thank you & good luck to you (if ur season is still going) as well!

@firstglancefeelingonnewyorktime

yeah, i'm ... aware 😅 but seeing as i am counting & focused on what i'm doing almost every second i'm on the floor it tends to give a different preformance vibe than if I was actually smiling, y'know?

@ieatpaint69 YEAH i get it ... I've gotten to the point by now where I can Sort Of have a Pleasant Expression™️ so i just go with that & hope nobody mentions it lol.

(Indirectly i think they have? Like, last practice they said we need to be putting more into preformance and im like. Im TRYING what more do you WANT from me >:( )

Anyways thanks to everyone again!!! Each week I get like 0.2% better so something must be working :)

ok so i gotta preface this w/ i am autistic but like, only very minorly so i understand & can make "proper" facial expressions and whatever

But! Hey tumblr guardies i am In The Tags again. With a question!

. . .

Um so how do you like smile While Counting because i can't (yet) count in my head & our instructors are starting to get on us about not smiling T_T i'm trying my best to present up so i at least have that going for me, but every time my "performing now" face is literally like 😐 ...

I dont want to get yelled at for not doing it but i dont get how im supposed to without counting in my head (& then getting off beat because i tend to count fast) .........

#long post #(sort of)#no id #i still believe in my heart we are going to kill it at dayton. no i am not biased what do you mean #(..we have a comp between now & next week so that exists i GUESS but it does not register in my mind)#(no thoughts only dayton)

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talkorsomething · 25 days

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This is it lads i think i might be ready to trans it up at dayton in a week

#theres like an inch of binder panel space not being used LOL #trans ftm #transmasc #binder #like . the stitching may now be more susceptible to pulling out but WHO CARES theres an inch of rib space no longer complaining at me #i did stretch a neck muscle weird though so we're hoping thats a side effect of the original length i stitched it down to #next test: can i .... can i get through warmups without dying ....... god please let me be able to practice in my binder #it would be way better than having to switch out comp days ....... i dont even do that but i dont want to. lol

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talkorsomething · 25 days

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I guess it's because the season is so long that i've gone from digging myself back out of the pit to ...progress? Maybe? to whatever this is, shovel in hand again.

Well, I'm trying. Not that "trying" is good enough, but... that's where we're at.

#100% секретный дневник левы НЕ ЧИТАЙ #not sure what started it this time tbh. i mean - i HAVE been in maintenence mode since ... pretty much the beginning of the season to now #but like i can tell when its worse yknow? when i get stuck again. but i can almost never point to the root cause ...#hell for all i know it's the weather. april sure can Rain!#i dunno. anyways hey dayton is in a week that's cool!#i have made bracelets regardless of whether we're participating in the trade or not i have a will i shall find a way #morse code in beads is really fun btw i reccomend it. interesting patterns! only technically need 2/3 colors at a time!

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talkorsomething · 26 days

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Trying to tell myself something is better than nothing while also knowing i'm lazy as shit. Yes we will be doing something but at what cost

#winterguard #(related anyways this is primarily a vent blog sorry)#dayton in a week! dayton in a week! apparently i will die if i practice!#we have 5 dance warmups & ive only done 2 of them so far yesterday and today #no stretching either . i have landed in the hell dimension #where i so desparately want to do things & then I JUST DONT #like ????????? @ me make up ur mind jesus christ

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talkorsomething · 28 days

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I think ... this week I'm gonna mess with my binder more. At least take the straps back out by ½ an inch because uh ... theyre a bit too short, now! Oh well. Learning.

#100% секретный денвник левы НЕ ЧИТАЙ #trans ftm #transmasc #binder #so I have to do that -> assess new look and fit and THEN decide if i want to redo the sides or not...#i feel mildly bad for 'wasting' thread but how am i going to get anywhere if i don't LEARN #also im normal now btw. idk what happened last week but maybe i needed a reset... whos to say.#but yea as far as the binder goes we've swung back to the possibility of 'im doomed forever'#idk ... but on the bright side if i can make it work this week i'll be ready to completely trans it up at dayton!

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talkorsomething · 1 month

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I'm posting it for tumblr!!! I can't work instagram search so i can't find anything to back this up ... so, if anyone has that, that would be nice lol. I'm scared to ask my group with nothing but a random reddit post as my source....

I want to do this though if I can :-) even though i have no idea what dayton is even like yet, haha

#winterguard #winter guard #colorguard #color guard

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talkorsomething · 1 month

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right wait the THIRD POST in a row because i dont feel like reblogging really long posts over and over.

I have been thinking about doing ... what i did on sunday ... for at least a WEEK straight. Like, every time i went to bed: first thing on my mind. I dont think thats very hashtag mentally stable of me but i dont know why its happening either

#sh tw #100% секретный дневник левы НЕ ЧИТАЙ #im becoming a serial poster over here apparently #drectly related to the previous two posts #*directly... sigh. who needs to type anyways #you could argue i just spent like two hours explaining why i feel like shit but i will pretend not to hear you. i am very normal this way #also i know tumblr isnt exactly censorship central but i am a little unsure about The Rules here like... aside from the #conspicuous trigger tag what am i allowed to say... im not encouraging or posting photos im just explaining ....... idk im worried anyways

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