tatepsycho-blog

[tatepsycho-blog]

I-was-beautiful started following you

"Well well, who do we have here?" Tate said with a smirking smile as he said to the girl wandering around in the garden. 

[tatepsycho-blog]

You think I’m crazy?… The world is a filthy place, It’s a filthy goddamn horror show. There’s so much pain you know? There’s so much.

[tatepsycho-blog]

"Ah, that's pretty cool then." He said as he slightly tilted his head to one of his shoulders. "Thanks, it's nothing special thought."

"Are you sure you want to know?" He said with a wide grin on his face. "People call it the murder house. Ever since it's build the owners die or disappear, but they say their spirits stay in the house. Pretty creepy ha?" 

icyeyedslytherin started following you

“Yeah, my family have a thing for weird names. weird names are good, though.” Scorpius slowly shook his head, cocking both of his brows. “No, I like your name! It is different!” 

“Tell me about it! The house?” he question, keeping his eyes focussed on the other mle.

[tatepsycho-blog]

"Yeah, never met someone with a name like yours." Tate said as he frowned slightly. "My name is pretty lame and overused, but oh well, it's just a name right."  

"Boring is mildly said, it's almost completely extint here, no one has the guts to get close to the house." He said while he smiled in the most sarcastic way as he could.

icyeyedslytherin started following you

“Interesting? I always found it boring. It means Scorpius in Latin. Or some shit like that.” Scorpius spoke, giving his shoulders a slight shrug. “You’re welcome, I was only telling the truth. Yeah, it’s pretty boring around ‘ere.”

[tatepsycho-blog]

Tate smirked before he responded. "Scorpius ha? Interesting name, never heard of before." He said as he put his hands in his back pockets. "Well, uhm, thanks. Don't hear such things very often, especially since there are barely any people around here." 

icyeyedslytherin started following you

Scorpius began to chew down on the inside of his lower, as he kept his eyes focused on the other. “Well, aren’t you cute? I’m Scorpius, the pleasure is yours, I’m sure!”

[tatepsycho-blog]

"Hm" Tate said as he smirked at the other guy in front of him. "That's just me then. I'm Tate. And you are?" 

icyeyedslytherin started following you

“Hello to you, too!” Scorpius’ eyes slowly scanned the other male. “I don’t believe we have, who’re you?”

[tatepsycho-blog]

icyeyedslytherin started following you

"Well hello there, you seem familiar, have we met before?" 

[tatepsycho-blog]

I 'm back.

I am so sorry for not being on for such a long time but I was busy with school and my exams but I've got plenty of time now so yeah I'm back woo.

[tatepsycho-blog]

He sighed deeply and looked at his feet in the grass again. "Good then." He said as he sighed even deeper. "Things could work out, but it really has to be what you want, because if you're not sure you want to or you're not sure if it's right, it won't work out. Know what I mean?" Tate noticed how distant and cold Violet talked towards him. This was not the Violet he used to know. Of course not, since they haven't spoken for years after what happened. Things changed a lot since then.

Tate looked a bit up from the corners of his eyes to the girl that was still sitting next to him in the garden. He wonders what went on inside that head of hers. But who knew. She was more distant than she was before , before they broke up, so he head no idea. He had to do it with the things she said.  One again the boy sighed deeply. "Yes. Yes it's clear enough to me. And I'm happy you want me, but I'm scared of losing you again, so you have to be more sure about it than ever." He said with a shaking voice as he noticed Violet's watery eyes. Without hesitating he pulled the girl closer to him and hugged her as tight as he could. "I want you too Violet, you're the only one I'll ever want so bad as I want you. I won't fuck up again, I promise." 

She bit her bottom lip, hard. “I know, Tate.” He was clearly uncomfortable as he spoke his mind about one only wanting it from one side. It wasn’t entirely true, she wanted him, too, but he had a point. She was distant, she knew she was. Violet looked around them. People were talking somewhere in the distance. She stumped the cigarette, sighing. 

Violet nodded, feeling his slightly more lighter energy transfer onto her. “Yes. I’m sure. If I had said things only to please you, you would have known by now.” Sometimes, she thought she was the only one who didn’t put up with his bullshit. Maybe that was why they had clicked the way they had in the first place; maybe that was one of the many reasons they were so attracted to each other. She was still cupping his face in her hands, stroking his cheek lightly. “I want you,” she said again, more secure this time. Her voice was still slightly shaken, because she still had to force tears back. She wasn’t sure if they were happy tears or what, but they were good tears. Definitely not of the sad kind that usually tried to make their way out of her eyes. 

“Is that clear enough for you?” Violet asked him, observing him, wondering what he was going to say. 

[tatepsycho-blog]

He pulled his head a bit back to look at Violet, who was still hugging him. "Why would I? "Why would I bullshit you? You don't have anything about it. If you're not honest you can't face the truth you know, and that fucks you up right?" He said softly and turned his head back into the same position as it was before and hugged her tighter as he did before as he sighed softly.

"Shh Violet, stop saying that, you have absolutely nothing to feel sorry about." He said slowly trying to calm her down a bit. She had literally nothing to feel sorry about, he did though. She didn't do anything wrong. Yes, she told him to go away but that was for her own good, that was her choice and her will, so she shouldn't feel sorry.

"I won't, Vi, I won't." He said still slightly rocking on his two feet, back and forward. "I'm sure we will, we'll find a way."

He closed his eyes and pulled Violet even a bit closer as she already was. "I know, it's alright." He said as he opened his eyes, pulled his head a little bit back and smiled slightly at the girl that was still clung to his back.

Violet didn’t care if this was wrong anymore. She didn’t care if she was going to pay for the consequences anymore. The young girl clung to her lover like he was the only real good dream she ever had. The only shred of light in this dark, terrible place. Her tiny fists gripped his sweater, face buried in his chest. She breathed in the familiar scent of him, the warmth of his embrace. It made her sick and weightless all at the exact same time. Violet wanted to throw up but she couldn’t bring herself to pull away. “Why do you have to tell me the truth?” She whimpered, chuckling pathetically at her silly question. “Why can’t you just bullshit me like everyone else does?”

Her cheek nuzzled against the soft material of his sweater as she held him as closer as physically possible. Their bodies squished together so tightly that if it were possible, they would become one person. But Violet wouldn’t mind that at all. She needed him close, as close as he could possible be. She craved his warmth. All this time, Violet had been strong for him, now it was his turn to be the strong one. Hesitantly, Violet looked up at him, revealing her tear stained face, eyes clouding with shame. “I’m so sorry, Tate.” She whispered quietly, chewing on her bottom lip. “For everything. For you’ve lost.” For all he didn’t. Violet wanted to give it back to him, she had to.

“I don’t want you to leave me again. I don’t want to leave again.” Her face burrowed again into his chest, hands pressing into his spine, holding him against her as if her afterlife depended on it. “We’ll fix this. I don’t know how, Tate but we will. I promise.”

The young girl straightened her posture, her face burying in the crook of his neck, nose brushing against his throat. “I know I just .. I d-don’t know what else to say.” Another soft, broken chuckle emitted from her lips but she didn’t say anything else. Just held him close to her, refusing to allow a few inches between them. She needed this. She needed him.

[tatepsycho-blog]

ooc: It's kinda creepy how much I can relate to the Tate-Violet situation from my head canon at the moment, like seriously wtf

[tatepsycho-blog]

He sighed a little again. "I know you know, Violet, but you'll have to make up your mind, we can't keep on going like this. Not like wanting from one side and not from the other, if you know what I mean." He said as quick as possible and looked a bit up at her and looked back at the same spot on the ground as a few seconds ago. He closed his eyes and pressed a little. He was actually a bit afraid for her reaction, there was always a chance she would be done with him and would tell him to go away again, he had to keep that in mind. It got silent, it was an awkward and nervous silence, although it was for him.

Relieved with Violet's answer he opened his eyes again and looked a bit up at her, a little more than before. "Are you sure?" He was happy with her answer, but still nervous for what was coming. He shook his head slightly and looked at his feet again that now completely ruined the spot of grass they were standing on.  "Honestly? Don't say what I want to hear, just say what you feel, what you really want." He said softly and sighed. He wanted to be with her so badly, but if she didn't want to, he had to accept that, although she just said she did want to be with him.

“I know.” Violet said softly with a sigh. He was scared she was going to tell him to go away again. She knew she was distant, but the girl wasn’t sure what to say to him. She wanted him, but at the same time she knew it was wrong. Travis, Constance’s former boyfriend, who also happened to be stuck in the house, had said something along the lines of ‘who cares if it’s not right, we’re dead and stuck in a goddamn house. It might be hard, but if you want to be with him then do whatever makes you happy or content or whatever, man’. She thought Travis was alright. A bit cliché, maybe, but okay. And he did have a point. Not many had people who cared about them in the house. Violet had her parents and she had Tate. 

Violet looked at Tate. He was gazing down at his own feet. “I… I want you, Tate,” she said slowly, her voice quiet, cracking a little bit because she really meant what she was saying. “Maybe… Maybe we should just..:” The girl leaned over, cupping one side of his face in one of her hands. It felt strange; because she hadn’t really touched him for over 10 years. Her thumb ran over his cheek gently. She was breaking all of her rules right now, doing the wrong thing. But she pushed those thoughts to the back of her head, suppressing them. She kept quiet, because the boy was still looking at his feet and it felt good to touch him. 

[tatepsycho-blog]

"I- I'm sorry, I just don't want to hurry things or do something that would piss you off or something like that." He said quietly as he shove a bit more to his right into Violet's direction.  He would probably do everything to go back to how they used to be. He missed her, he missed what they had, he just missed everything about them. Yes, they were talking again, yes they were hanging out again, but it wasn't the same. It was a bit awkward all the time, they both wanted to go back to their previous situation, he knew Violet wanted that too, but both of them weren't completely sure how.

"I don't know what you want Violet, you want to solve our problems but on the other hand you're so distant all the time, it's actually really confusing, to be honest." He was pretty sure she knew exactly what hewanted. Of course she did, after all he was the one who never gave up on the other. "I just want to know what youwant, since it's pretty clear what I want, isn't it?"

He sighed deeply and looked at his feet, that were nervously destroying the grass they were standing on, waiting for her to answer.

Violet looked at the boy, not really sure what to say to him. “Yes.” Violet said, she knew he cared. Though, what was bothering her was more complicated than just putting it into words; everything was off. She shook her head to herself, blinking the tears that was forming in her eyes back. Fuck, don’t be so dramatic, Violet, she thought. She puffed the cigarette, placing her arm around her own waist, her eyes finding the ground. It was starting to get more cold outside, she liked it. 

“I just don’t like how you literally have to wait for my permission to come and sit next to me, you know?�� Violet eventually said, her voice slightly shaken — the kind of shaken your voice is when you’re about to start crying. Things weren’t like before, but — and she realized it was wrong — she wanted them to be. At for the moment. Her parents were happy, they had each other and her brother. Violet had no one. Well, she had Tate, but at the same time, she didn’t. Tate had her, but at the same time he didn’t. Technically they had each other, but they didn’t. 

Maybe she really did need him to hold her. She thought she didn’t need him for a while, but in the end they both needed each other. 

[tatepsycho-blog]

"You don't like it when I am right do you?" He said while laughing and chuckling a bit as he raised his eyebrows a little. He knew she hated it when someone was right, especially with him, especially in this situation and it amused him kind of a bit. "I know I'm right Violet, I wouldn't tell you something that isn't right." He said and chuckled again.  He looked up to Violet again and frowned a bit. "Wait, Violet, I never said I was happy, did I? I said I learned to live with the fact that you didn't want me in your life, not that I was happy with it, that's something completely different. I felt better, yes, but not happy. Happy is kind of a big, heavy word actually. What is happiness? Being happy with what you have, or being happy with the people around you or whatever. But I don't have anyone or anything, I don't have anything worth 'living' for, well I did, but that person disappeared out of my life. And you know exactly what I mean." He said and looked away from her eyes.

"Me too, Violet, but since I'm dead nothing ever made sense. Living, being trapped in a house after you get shot? That doesn't make sense. Nothing in here makes sense, it's not something that you can be capable of understanding, because no one knows how it's possible. There are many things that don't make sense, even when you try hard to understand, with some things it's just not possible, and I guess you'll have to understand that and have to try to live with it." He replied as he looked a bit at her from the corners of his eyes, without moving his head in her direction. "I want you around too, Violet. I need you too, but you have to make the decision if you can let me or not, I can't do that for you."

It surprised him she didn't pull him away or got angry or anything else. He pulled her even closer and hold her as tight as he could. "Shhh." He whispered as he wobbled a bit on his feet. "Don't be sorry Vi, none of this is your fault. It's no-ones fault except for mine. You have nothing to feel sorry for."

He had a point and it made her cold blood boil under her skin. Violet had let Tate in the worst possible way, but only because he had deserved it. He had ruined her, ruined her family. He wasn’t the reason she was stuck here but Violet couldn’t help but think that if she hadn’t taken those pills, what would have happened then. “I guess you’re right.” She mumbled, hating herself even more for admitting it. Violet shifted uncomfortably. An apology threatened to spill past her lips but she held it back, knowing that she had nothing to be sorry for. What was she going to do? Apologize for doing what was right? “I’m glad that you’re happy. Or, your definition of happy.” Nobody was truly at ease in the Murder House. Misery and despair were trapped within the overdone, torn wallpaper, along with the dozens of souls.

“I want shit to make sense.” Violet murmured under her breath, looking away from him. Her fingers wrung together tightly, pulling at her skin. “Things can never go back the way they were, even if we wanted it to.” It was the truth. Tate couldn’t take but what he did, or the trust that was destroyed because of it. Violet wanted to love him, but she wasn’t sure if she was capable of it. “I want you around. I want you here. I need y-you here.” It was the truth, her voice cracking as she pleaded softly. Violet felt pathetic, small. It wasn’t supposed to be like this.

The embrace threw her off the most. But Violet didn’t even push him away, she didn’t have the energy for it. Her breath hitched in her throat as those strong arms wrapped around her, her cheek against his chest. Slowly, her hands came up and pressed into his back. Silent sobs shook her tiny frame as she clung onto him, as if her afterlife depending on it. Violet nuzzled her cheek against his collarbone, tiny fists curling against the material of his shoulder as she held him as close as she possible could. “I’m s-sorry, Tate.” She whimpered against him, letting out a shaky breath. “I’m so fucking sorry.”

[tatepsycho-blog]

"Probably." He sighed a bit while speaking his words out. She was right, they weren't going anywhere, since they started talking again they haven't made any progress, they were still the same as they were a few days ago, and that wasn't his intention. It was his intention to fix things, talk about it, but they didn't. They did talk about it, but not much. Not enough. Most likely because he wasn't really sure if Violet was completely ready to talk about it again, even after the ten years of not talking at all.

He still wondered if Vivien and Ben knew what Violet was doing, if they knew she was with him again. Probably not, otherwise Ben would kick the shit out of him. Of course he would, he had every right to, he didn't want him to be with Violet in the first place, but this was what Violet wanted, so he should accept that even though he never would.

He noticed there was something wrong with her, he always did. Most likely she didn't want him to notice or talk about what was wrong, but he would ask her though. "Hey, Violet, what's wrong?" He said softly as he turned his head to the right again. "I know there is something, I can see it. If you don't want to tell me that's fine, but you know I care, you do right?"

He was patient. He had been waiting for 10 years. That was a long, long time. A long and shitty time. He had been patient through her throwing mean comments at him and he had never said anything back. Violet knew she had every right to be angry, but during the 10 years of being alone most of the time, the anger had turned into misery and now it was like she had turned into the same person she had been in the beginning — sad. She had never stopped being sad — but before everything had gone straight to hell, there had been times when Tate had told her everything was going to be okay, she had felt content. She didn’t exactly believe him, because he couldn’t fix her, but they were not empty promises either.

Violet looked at the boy. “But we are not getting anywhere. We’ll probably just go to sleep afterwards. And when we wake up, we’ll probably spend the day with each other. But we’re both going to be empty. Because we’re not allowed to express how we feel about each other. Because it isn’t right.” Fuck. Sometimes she wished he wasn’t so damn patient because she was so indecisive and conflicted. It was all small smiles and talking about how strange it is that they’re stuck here. Nothing felt right anymore — they couldn’t be themselves around each other. Not completely. He needed a signal from her to come and sit down next to her. That was not what she wanted and it broke her heart. 

Violet could feel her eyes tearing up against her will. She closed them, not really certain where she was going with what she was saying; but with closed eyes, at least he could not see that she was at the tip of crying. When she opened them again, she turned away from him a little bit to hide herself. She didn’t want to cry and be — what she thought of as — slightly dramatic, but things were crashing down on her. 

[tatepsycho-blog]

"Hey, I'm Tate, and you are..? Oh thank you by the way."

“And who are you, handsome boy?”

[tatepsycho-blog]

ooc: I'm sorry for all the late replies but I've been pretty ill over the past few days and I haven't been able to stay long on my laptop, I'll write the replies as soon as possible, sorry!