tea-with-eleni

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okay. *maybe* found the surgeon I need for top surgery, *maybe*, certainly the most convenient option and the info I can find on them suggests more favorable results than some of the other options in my state.

BUT (there is always a but!) they require a letter from a doctor or endocrinologist.

Okay.

Well.

Um.

I've been in primary care provider limbo for like six months now...

and while I probably need an endocrinologist to unravel whatever the fuck is up with my hormones (I would rather not grow a beard, you know?) I do not have one.

Why is everything always so damn complicated.

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Also the idea of chiropractic anything came from a seance.

A SEANCE.

Where you talk to DEAD PEOPLE.

That does not seem like an even slightly sane way to get medical advice.

I'm not posting the people being shitbags in my inbox over chiropractors but, I will say this: if you're one of the people going, "Well I've never had a bad experience, you're just fear mongering" I need you to know it's taking everything in me not to reply with "Glad you've been lucky. Hope it stays that way."

Because that's all it is, babes. Are there some chiros who lean more toward physical therapy and don't play Twister with the human spine? Yeah. Are they the norm in America? Fucking no.

This shit it not regulated. There's a reason it's $40 to see a chiro and $120 minimum to see a physical therapist. One of them has a doctorate. You are paying for the medical experience.

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i wish i could remember who made the recommendation to "make a list of all the different ways someone could feel about a topic in your fictional setting and then make each of them a character" because it is a great technique and is also extremely fun

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"Hey, she's not Strahd..."

Anyone want some nsfw yuri vampires?

From the not-that-distant timeline where Ireena decides that clearly the best strategy for defeating Strahd is to seduce all his wives.

I mean. It's not a bad approach.

Sorry not sorry.

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So pretty.

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If I get enough punches on my insurance card for getting my uterus removed and my iron replaced, and if I can find an in-network doctor, does that mean I at least get a discount on getting rid of my boobs?

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donald trump will die on july 20th 2025 at 1pm pacific standard time

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Looks good, combining both Virginias and Carolinas is a good move. Abolishing Texas is also the Right Choice.

👍🏻

Was drunk and bored and getting annoyed at the ridiculous coverage of the US election so I decided to fix the place.

I'm from Australia where we only have 7 states, as such I have the (objectively correct) opinion that 50 is too many states, so I decided to cut it down to 10.

A few notes on my improved US map:

•Despite Illinois making the cut, Chicago is now in Michigan, due to the state getting the entire bank of its namesake.

•Boston is also in Michigan due to special exception.

•New York is now the capital of Pensylvania

•Yes that's how you spell Pensylvania

•The border of California is just roughly the Rockies, no need to overthink it.

•Making Florida bigger actually dilutes it's power, but Texas must be abolished

•Colorado should still be a rectangle, that's my mistake, I just couldn't be bothered fixing it.

•Alaska has been returned to Canada with a hand written apology

•All the random ass islands that the US forgot to pretend they didn't colonise have gained independence

Please let me know if there are any more improvements you can think of.

Edit: As a number of you have mentioned, Alaska never belonged to Canada, and giving it to them would be incredibly wrong when the native people have been trying to gain independence all this time.

Luckily, the apology note got lost in the mail in all the turmoil, so Canada never realised they're meant to have Alaska now. The Alaskans just start quietly self-governing and hoping the US and Canada don't notice, then after a few years they declare independence.

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btw being excessively nonconfrontational is NOT a positive trait. it does not mean u are “too nice” or just too kind to hurt people, it means u have a problem communicating and you need to work on it.

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Therapist: "Okay, so, we'll need to write you a letter for any additional. transitioning you may want to do. Living as your professed gender gets kind of odd, since you're nonbinary, but..."

Me: "I mean? I kinda....do? I put a sticker on my name tag back in december that says "They/she". I've had nonbinary pronouns online for every website that allows it for like ten years now. It's just that I still present fairly femme most of the time, so....nobody cares. Which. Honestly. I can't really complain. But I'm not sure how much more "living as my gender" I could do without, like, hiring a skywriting plane."

Therapist, getting excited: "Wait. You do?"

Me: "...yes."

Therapist, frantically taking notes: "I have to write this down."

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Batman the Playboy

Justice League, not quite early days but before proper identity reveals, though everyone knows Batman knows theirs, bc he has Opinions™ and Constructive Criticisms™ on their secret-keeping.

The issue is brought up on random occasions. The most notable incident- the Justice League, including Batman, being Drunk for Bonding, and Batman, in a fit of paranoid good intentions because he CARES about these idiots, damnit, why must they be so careless, starts insulting them.

Batman, leaning heavily on the table: “GL, you’re a mess, I don’t even know where to start with you. And Arrow! Your goatee is so distinctive, it’s a wonder no one has called you out on it-“

Green Arrow, also drunk: “Alright, there’s no need to insult my awesome facial hair-”

Batman, in despair: “It’s so ugly.”

Green Arrow: (offended noises)

Green Lantern: “Okay, the only reason you know our secret identities is because you’re a rude nosy bastard who needs to know everything about us like a creepy stalker who needs an ego boost! We’re not stupid, Spooky, we’re just polite. We could figure you out easily if we wanted to. Superman can see right through your mask!”

Usually, Batman would have a good response to that. Something smart and reasonable like “villains won’t care for your privacy, I’m testing you,” or something cutting like “I don’t care enough about you to go digging, I set your secret identity as a training exercise for Robin.”

However, Batman is Drunk, because for some reason imbibing drugs that dampen higher brain function is socially acceptable and often, for some reason, expected, because it’s “team bonding” and “come on just loosen up a bit.”

So what Batman ends up saying is: “I could kiss you full on the lips in my secret identity and you wouldn’t know a thing.”

Superman, plucking the glass from Batman’s hand: “Aaaand that is enough alcohol for you!”

Batman nods. Thank God. He has finally reached the point where he is allowed to stop. He wants to go home and sleep.

Of course, Green Lantern has smelled a challenge. And Green Lantern must annoy Batman. It’s his true superpower. So, the next time they meet (sober) he brings up the issue again.

GL: “So about what you said at the party… the part where you could kiss us full on the lips without us knowing. You still confident in that without liquid courage, Spooky? Bet you your real name you can’t do it.”

Batman, regretting the fact that alcohol has ever passed his lips: “I could do it, but I will not.”

Flash, curious: “Why’s that?”

Batman: “Informed Consent. I will not risk making any of you feel violated, or manipulated, for the sake of a stupid bet and my ego.”

GA, still offended by the goatee comment, trying to back Batman into a corner: “So if we give consent, we’re fair game? Try me, Batman. Even you can’t pull this off. Anyone else game?”

Some of the Justice League laughs, raising their hands.

Flash: “Come get me, hot stuff! I’ll call you out!”

Wonder Woman: “It could be amusing.”

Martian Manhunter: “I would be far too difficult a target.”

Green Arrow: “Not just you. C’mon, Spooky, flirting well enough to get a kiss from me? I’m a classy lady.”

Black Canary: “D-class, maybe.”

Superman, wants a kiss in on the fun: 🙋🏻‍♂️

“So that’s it then!” Green Lantern says smugly. “Batman, if you can kiss… how many people raised their hands? Ah yes- HALF THE JUSTICE LEAGUE, without anyone realizing it’s you, then you win.”

Batman scoffs and walks out, leaving the Justice League in stitches at their joke. Because- Batman? Being good enough at flirting to land a kiss on half the league, without it being forced or awkward, without them recognizing his body language, his voice, his build? How ridiculous!

The Batman is Autistic. The Batman does not understand jokes, especially not ones that are half truths. The Batman has consent, and something to prove.

And Bruce Wayne, billionaire, playboy, and sexy DILF, has targets.

(Please tell me how you think he gets each League member.)

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"Good" afternoon or applicable time of day, everybody. Please call your senators, Republican ones especially.

You can wrap some or all of the issues below into a single call to each. I would also suggest mentioning opposing the end of American science, medical research and higher education—the bill obliterates funding for those, too.

If calling a Republican's office, make a point to say the budget is foolish and shortsighted, will turn America into a "third world country," and will cost them and their party members dearly the next time they're up for election. Tell them to think over what's been happening in special elections so far this spring. Tell them they need to be courageous and patriotic and vote the bill down.

If calling a Democrat's office, ask them to go all out on blocking the bill and stalling business in the Senate by any means possible.

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On balance, I don't think I much care for people. If I ever find myself able, I will vanish into the forest with my cats to become a cryptid.

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“Why do I feel Bad, like I’m tearing my insides apart?”

I’m hungry. Because I haven’t eaten in nine hours. It’s not a mystery AND YET, EVERY DAY, IT TAKES ME BY SURPRISE….