teamjacobthot

[teamjacobthot]

[teamjacobthot]

(perverse, predatory, manipulative voice) Hello 

[teamjacobthot]

Gaming time!! 🎮

[teamjacobthot]

[teamjacobthot]

Edward, busting into Alice’s room in a cold sweat after looking at Beau for an hour: AM I GAY?!?

Alice, whipping out a PowerPoint Presentation: I am so glad you asked.

[teamjacobthot]

for once i dont hate this and yes i drew her again

[teamjacobthot]

[teamjacobthot]

Does he not know that Christian Grey is ALSO inspired by Edward Cullen?

[teamjacobthot]

you're telling me that Bella "Simulates Killing Herself To Feel Something" Swan doesn't adopt a substance abuse problem after Edward leaves??? You're telling me Bella "Take My Soul, I Don't Want It Without You" Swan isn't a crossfaded mess when Alice comes to find her? That her hands don't shake from a comedown on the plane to Volterra, that she doesn't throw up in the stolen car ride through italy, that she's not absolutely sick as a DOG staring down the vampire government? That Edward's heart doesn't completely shatter realizing that her room smells like stale beer and weed smoke as he carries her up to her bed, that he never finds a stash of Charlie's muscle relaxers in her dresser drawer and absolutely freaks out? That the entirety of Eclipse shouldn't be about Bella struggling to kick her habit and struggling not to replace her addiction to substances with her addiction to Edward and struggling against his really puritanical ideas about Resisting Urges and having Self Control?

Pah.

[teamjacobthot]

with all the meaningful dreams bella had as a human you would think that would’ve been some sort of power for her as a vampire

[teamjacobthot]

The way you move — you orient yourself around him without even thinking about it. When he moves, even a little bit, you adjust your position at the same time. Like magnets… or gravity. You’re like a… satellite, or something.

[teamjacobthot]

when you save alarms for specific things but then you just keep reusing them. like sure wake me up at the chocolate milk alarm, what do i care

[teamjacobthot]

The Forks high kids get together over the Christmas break while back home from college. They trade stories about their adventures, friendships, hook-ups, drunken parties and then Angela quietly asks:

"Has anyone heard from Bella?"

Mike shrugs. Jessica frowns.

"I mean, like, she got married. Into a rich family. She's probably yachting in the Mediterranean and doesn't have time for nobodies like us."

"Bella's not like that," Angela insists.

"Actually, Mom says the Cullens are still in town, coming into the store to buy camping stuff," Mike says. "She hasn't seen Bella but she's talked to Chief Swan a few times and l guess Bella and Edward adopted a kid?"

"WHAT?!" screeches Jessica.

"Mom hasn't seen the kid either and Chief Swan seemed real weird when talking about it, but like I guess she's Edward's biological niece somehow? Mom said she's got strange name too, Resume or something, and Chief Swan was cagey about how old the kid was."

"I knew it! Bella was pregnant at the wedding! This is totally their kid and they're lying about it, that's why Bella's dad's so weird about it and why Bella isn't talking to any of us."

"I'm sure that's not it, Jess," Angela says.

"Yeah, okay," Jessica says with a roll of her eyes.

[teamjacobthot]

jacob was totally that one kid in middle school who always wore shorts in the dead of winter….like there would be snow outside and frost on his lashes and he would be like no im not shivering why would you think that LMFAOAO

[teamjacobthot]

they knew not to let me on the twilight wardrobe crew cause i would’ve stuck glasses on paul lahote

[teamjacobthot]

[teamjacobthot]

𝔡𝔢𝔠𝔬𝔡𝔢 𝔟𝔶 𝔭𝔞𝔯𝔞𝔪𝔬𝔯𝔢