techbullshit

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How boring have things gotten to in Apple land? Really damn boring. So boring that normally same writers have nothing to do but make shit up to fill the time and generate page views. So, what do they do? Complain. Take this piece of dung by the normally thoughtful Dr. Drang. He is so bored, he is trying to jump on the "Apple is doomed" train. But his vertical just ain't high enough. Let's look at some of his main points and see just how stupid he is.

Do you think Apple’s software quality is as high as it’s ever been? Then you must have missed these: The soft reboot problems in iOS 7. While I haven’t experienced the horror show of daily reboots that Myke Hurley and Merlin Mann have, I have had four or five soft reboots in as many months—more than I had in all the previous years of iPhone use.

Yep, anecdotal evidence is the best kind. That's the kind of evidence that can be refuted by my anecdotal evidence, that I haven't had this problem in iOS 7. Strong argument there Dr., if that is your real profession. Ignore the study that says that iOS 7 is the most stable iOS release yet. NEXT:

Mail’s failure in Mavericks to collect and deliver messages. Is there anything more fundamental to a mail client?

Yep, Mail apparently had a problem collecting and delivering messages through a proprietary email service. Still does.... wait, how long did that go before it was fixed? If I remember correctly, like 2 years or something, right Dr.? More crap:

The loss of functionality in the new iWorks apps.

I actually think Apple just lost the functionality under the sofa seats. No one knows how code ends up there with all those missing socks. I suppose there was no reason to take out the functionality, except for maybe an app redesign in order to create a simpler, more consistent experience across iOS, Web, and OS X. Ironically, later on he will praise historical Apple for creating simple, well designed apps that, while may not have all the bells and whistles, are easy to use and stable. Oh wait, they've started adding the features back in now that the core app has been redesigned. Hmm, I suppose we learned nothing from the Final Cut Pro X debacle. Anyway... Last Crappy Point

The problems with iCal and Address Book in Lion. Although much has been made of their skeuomorphism and leather trim, that’s just fashion. The real annoyance was that their iOS-inspired layout made them harder to use.

I really don't know anything about this. I'm still stuck on 10.6. It looks like crap compared to new versions. And didn't they just update these apps in Mavericks? Why is he still whining about Lion? That's like so 2011. That's how boring it is in Apple Land right now. People spend their time saying that Apple is doomed based on dated complaints about software that may or may not be real.

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What We Really Want

The newest tempest in a teapot that is brewing within the ranks of technologies all-important bloggers is the current release of the Nintendo 2DS. Here is the basics of the argument going on: Blogger 1: This thing is stupid, I'd never buy it, I can't believe they made it. Why can't they just make games for iOS? Blogger 2: You don't know anything. This isn't marketed to you. Shut up, you're stupid, you don't know anything about Nintendo. I'm not going to pretend to know about what Nintendo is supposed to do. My last blatherings about Nintendo involved what I thought Apple should do. But, I understand Blogger 1. But, here is what Blogger 1 is really trying to say to Nintendo: "Nintendo, I really loved your games when I was younger. I would love to play one or two of your games. But, I'm not going to shell out $129 for your system and then $30 each for a couple of games. I already have a way better handheld computer. Please, make a good game for me?"

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Nintendo's market cap sits around $15.5 billion. Add on a generous bonus and it would cost $25 to $30 billion for the purchase of Nintendo. Do it Apple.... DO IT!!

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Apple's Low Cost iPhone

Take iPod Touch, add 3G, sell for same price. BAM, done. Easy as pie.

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Maybe I should start calling this site: "Stupid Bloggers", because man does it feel nice to call out bloggers for being stupid. Anyway......

Look at the article that is being referenced. In it, Rene Ritchie is arguing that an iPhone 5S with the same design, minimal new features is going to be a harder sell than the iPhone 5 was, especially, since this might be a predictable pattern.

But then..... the comment at the bottom.......

And.....

A link to the iPhone 5 sales data. Ohhhhhh.....

Which has nothing to do with what Rene Ritchie is talking about. Of course the iPhone 5 had great sales. It was the NEW FORM FACTOR with all those NEW FEATURES. Mr. Ritchie is arguing about the problem of selling the iPhone 5S instead of the iPhone 5.

A simple correction is needed. Link to the data that shows the iPhone 4S, and how it was successful against the iPhone 4

Do I have to do your work for you?

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Giving Credit Where Credit Ain't Due

Well, well, well, Google is moving more and more into the hardware business. Look at their latest entry! An over priced, under specced laptop that has limited software capabilities out of the box. Oh shit! I bet Apple must be terrified of this.

I've read a lot about the Google Chromebook, and, to be honest, it really is less impressive than everyone is making it out to be. WAY less impressive. But, it really has fed into this meme: "Google is getting better at Apple's strengths faster than Apple is getting better at Google's strengths."

Now, it is time to debunk the shit out of this.

First of all, is Google really getting good at creating well designed hardware? Not really. They hired some designers, specced out a laptop, and payed some company (Asus? Acer? some Korean company I suppose) to manufacture what is basically a MacBook clone. Let's look at the innovative hardware in this….. uhmmm, a different glass etching on the trackpad that makes it feel nicer?

There are none. There is nothing innovative about this laptop. Yes, the hardware is nice, but really, any company could have put this together if they want to pay the money for it.

Now, 4 years ago, when Apple was just starting to make aluminum notebooks and utilizing this innovative machining process, no one else had the technology, nor the money invested in creating a notebook of similar quality. But, now, four years later, every company that makes notebooks can produce this kind of machine at the request of Google.

So, Google is paying some company to manufacture what is probably going to be a low volume notebook for it. And, oh, it has no innovative hardware. Yeah, Google is becoming a hardware powerhouse.

Anyway, creating hardware is only one of Apple's strengths, and really Google isn't matching it. They are catching up with it by outsourcing the entire manufacturing to a company that actually has the know how to do this.

But wait you say!! Apple sources it's manufacturing to Foxconn you say! True, I say. But, Apple owns all the machines Foxconn uses to produce the final product, and Apple designs the manufacturing process for each product it makes. Foxconn basically just hires the workers and supervises them for Apple.

But the real strength in Apple's hardware business is it's distribution. Apple has high quality displays in many major retailers, it has many very high quality stores throughout the world, and it has an efficient online store that sells and ships products all over the world. Google is not nearly close to this position with hardware. Nexus 4 debacle anyone? Fortunately, they ain't gonna sell many of this Chromebook, so their distribution issues aren't going to show up. It is going to be smooth sailing for the 100,000 people who buy this Chromebook in the upcoming year.

Now, that I've ragged on Google's hardware capabilities. Which, quite frankly, aren't as impressive as people seem to think it is. This is more a case of people seeing this Chromebook and thinking to themselves, "Oh look! The shiney!" Which is what the tech press loves to do. It is time to see if Apple somehow is getting good at what Google does.

Well, not search, Apple doesn't do search. But, Google primarily runs various online services. And we all know that Apple sucks at running online services. Completely, it is almost like they are absolutely incompetent at running anything online. Oh, except for the $17 billion a year iTunes services. Those are online right? How about that, they can run a major online service, successfully. Who'd a thunk it?

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Where is that Dwight Schrute meme photo. It would say: "False, no camera has ever left our galaxy to be able to take a photo of it from the outside." This takes an amazing photo and trivializes it with a stupid, unnecessary, false caption.

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Way to put an F-18 on the Top Gun poster.

Top Gun by Matt Walker

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O, for sweet mercy sakes. I don't want to be a linked list blog, but shit, it is just too easy to do. And, I think I found my blogging world Nemesis. The authour, whatever his name is, behind the Curious Rat blog. You can find the blog by clicking the link above, I'm not going to link to it again. I'm lazy.

But, just to recap, this pretentious, hipster-esque, tech blogger and authour, is busy calling out people for the same shit he does.

So, lets follow along as this man spews the shit out of his input hole.

First off, he is whining about a guy whining in a blog post. I don't mind that, it is what the blogging world is all about. I'm whining about him whining about a guy whining about a product. The difference is, in Rat-boy's post, he says that:

Everyone else can write whiny blog posts on their MacBook Airs and iPads about the rough lives they lead. I have to go be a grown-up now.

I make no such claims to adulthood on here. I am just here to stir the shit as they say. But, I do know, that if you claim to be all grown uppy, and mature, then don't write shitty whiny blog posts about people being whiny! Only makes sense, right?

I suppose that one should let this slide, presuming that it is his first offence. Yeah right, it's not his first offence, it's not even his first offence in the last two weeks. Go and read this whiny blog post about somebody whining about something.

But, lets get back to the main point. Somebody complaining about something. Well, is that complaint legitimate or not? I don't know and I don't care. That's what the internet and tech blogging is all about, complaining about stuff. Always complaining, always wanting better. Shit, if technology wasn't about that, we'd all be typing our crappy blog posts on Apple I computers.

Besides, I thought this Curious Rat man was a hipster. Shouldn't he be watching all his TV in black and white, over the air, on an old timey CRT screen? And, hey, wasn't TV free back then? Nobody complained about ads and TV show startings when TV was free and available on every device that could support it (the TV).

Lastly, I am going to give some adult advice to this blogger. That's right, me, the immature person, giving advice to you, the man too mature to whine on his blog. If you don't like reading about someone complaining about every little detail, don't go a read a site called "Hypercritical". Anyone with a bit of English language knowledge should be able to figure that out.

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Looks like I'm not the only one who was thinking about this.

Like Arment, I’m worried that instead they’ll go down the Sega road and just pump out cheap versions of their great old franchises to anyone who will take them. That’s why I’d love to see Apple step in and buy Nintendo, and let them operate as the independent iOS gaming wing of the company. If Apple wants to move hardware, it’s hard to imagine a better way than having exclusives on all of the Nintendo titles going forward (as well as the back catalog).

It should be like Pixar within Disney. Remember, Pixar started out trying to make hardware as well.

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Did you just read that? Paying celebrities to take jobs? Is there any other way to get a "job"? Every formal celebrity endorsement is paying a celebrity to take a job. Sometimes you just wonder if people actually read what they just wrote. I know I don't.

The Official BlackBerry Blog:

We have an exciting new addition to Team BlackBerry. In a true collaboration, Alicia Keys is now an official partner to BlackBerry, acting as Global Creative Director. Working closely with app developers, content creators, retailers, carriers and entertainers, Keys will be an active member of the BlackBerry community.

The bullshit, it reeks of bullshit! Paying celebrities to take “jobs” seems to be the new celebrity endorsement. Yes, even RIM jobs.

But seriously, smart move to change the company name to “BlackBerry”. Most consumers probably already thought that was the company name. And those of us who did know the actual name have basically only used it in the context of the company slowly dying over the past few years (or, well, other contexts).

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Armchair CEO: The Gamification of Apple

My last post suggested that Apple become a gaming company. People like games. People like to play games. Having a good gaming platform would attract customers, in spite of what some people (uhummm, Steve Jobs) have said. I'm not recapping my last post anymore here, you can go read it. It's not that long. I focused primarily on the getting all the hardware and the OS up to par. But here's the real crazy part. Apple should take their sacks full of dollars, go to Japan and buy Nintendo. BAM, good games guaranteed. Let's face it, Nintendo hardware basically sucks. Wii U? Whatever cheap hand held device they sell? Crap. If Apple were to buy Nintendo, they would have to support this junk until it goes EOL in like 4 years. But, other than finishing up current projects for it, I wouldn't give two more thoughts about Nintendo's current hardware. I would sit down with Shigeru Miyamoto, and say…. "You now make games for this hardware." And then point to a higher powered AppleTV, iPad, iPhone and Mac. Then, basically, leave him and his team alone to make amazing Mario and Zelda games. Are we done here? NO. I would leave Nintendo as it's own subsidiary, that way, the brand can still be used. It is still a good brand, and it would remove the eventual gaming peripherals from contaminating the minimalist Apple brand. Because, well, there would be a lot of them, and they wouldn't necessarily fit in with the Apple style. Then, I would recreate each classic Nintendo controller into a Bluetooth based wireless controller. Except, I'd have to improve that crappy analog stick that came with the N64 system. It would gunk up after about a week of playing. And after each controller was made, I would get the guys at my newly owned Nintendo subsidiary to port all of their classic games to each hardware platform capable of running it. So, if you can imagine this…. You have your iPad with you, and a classic NES controller in your bag. You break it out, boot up classic Mario, and play. After 20 minutes, and you're bored, you pull out the N64 controller, boot up Ocarina of Time and keep plays. You go home, your AppleTV with a sensor bar and a Wii controller, and bam! you have a full fledged Wii. You would sell a bazzillion of these controller and games.

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Armchair CEO, Apple and the TV

It's time to play some armchair CEO. This is fun, like playing armchair quarterback. You never make any mistakes and every decision is a good one. Not like playing that stupid real CEO game, where a bad mistake can cost people their jobs. There's a lot of press going on about what is next at Apple and how the TV is going to be the "next big thing". While first off, the TV is not a "next big thing', it is a relatively small market compared to the tablet and the phone space. But, here's what I would do, if I were Apple's CEO. And it is a good thing I'm not, cause almost anyone who gets to suck at Apple's proverbial teat, the select few in the tech press and blogging world who were chosen by Steve himself, before the beginning of the world, would hate me for this. First of all, games matter. Gaming matters. People love to play games. It is obvious. Only an idiot can't see that. And yet, Jobs thought it wasn't something worth focusing on, and people glossed over it. Jobs was an idiot. Microsoft is currently weak. Windows 8 is being railed on, all over the place. The WiiU just came out and is basically is basically a crappy tablet and mediocre console in one. And the new xBox and Playstation haven't come in yet. It is time for Apple to come in and own the gaming universe. How do they do it? Easy. First, fix OS X and iOS so that they become first rate OpenGL and gaming platforms. Hire somebody to point out all the flaws in them, hire a bunch of people to fix it all up. Start at the foundation and make it the best possible it can be. Make good graphics card drivers. Second, attack Microsoft and their gaming dominance. Release a Mac made for gamers. Single slot processor, up to core i… whatever, three high speed PCI slots for expansion. Sell it at a relatively aggressive price, but let people choose their processor and graphics cards. Room for lots of RAM and the ability to put games into that hybrid drive thing they do. Almost like half a Mac Pro, but with 3 expansion slots. Third, make a Controller API and include it in OS X and iOS. What would this do? Well, game developers would write to this low level, low latency API for game controllers. The, this API would serve as an abstraction layer for the hardware controllers. On OS X, it could automatically switch from keyboard/mouse control to USB based controllers, so long as the controllers support the required API protocols. On iOS, depending on what they developers use in the API, it could automatically switch from tilt/rotational control to onscreen controls, to external Bluetooth based controller. Imagine, you are playing a game on your iPad, and you can use the onscreen controller, but, if you bring a supported Bluetooth controller near, you could use that instead. Why the Controller API? Because, up next is the coup-de-grace. What gives Apple the dominance in the gaming industry. Raise the price on the AppleTV to $129, and make it cutting edge. Give it the latest A6X processor, and you have something that is within spitting range of the xBox and Playstation. The ones now, not the ones coming out next year. But, the AppleTV would get better every year and would slowly catch up to them as well. On the back of the AppleTV, have a USB port. Plug in any storage and it automatically becomes a place to store your downloaded games for AppleTV. With that Controller API that everyone is writing to, you have support for external game controllers, and voila! you have a well supported game console. But, here is where stuff gets cool. The Controller API should be able to support an iPad or iPhone as an external Bluetooth controller, using either tilt/rotational controls, or onscreen buttons. Now, a developer can write an app for the AppleTV, and a companion app for the iPhone or iPad. The controller API would overlay the controls on top of the companion app. The, the developer can use that extra screen that the player has for whatever they want. Basically, you have an iPad Mini and an AppleTV and you have a much nicer WiiU. Except the iPad Mini companion app has access to the iPad's processor, so it won't bog down the AppleTV, and rather than sending entire video signals that would bog down the wifi, they can just send essential data. Just imagine, a $129 AppleTV, plus a $20 game controller and you got yourself a decent console. If you already have an iPhone or an iPad, and you have a better WiiU. Apple would sell and crap load of AppleTVs then. And, once you got a crap load of AppleTVs out there, it becomes much easier to get your way in transforming television. And the really crazy part comes next….

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The Future

APPL has been tanking for the last little while. What is APPL? The stock of Apple. Investors, analysts and all those important people who do very important jobs in society are concerned that the Little Company that Could, has now become the Big Company that Can't. Of course, most of this is because Master Conductor Steve Jobs has left us for that big switch yard in the sky. After reading the 10 reasons Apple will suck column by one guy, and another 5 reasons Apple will explode by another guy, one point stuck out to me: "No next big thing". You see, if Jobs were alive, Apple would already have the next big thing out, and be working on the next two. But as it is right now, most people at Apple are just sitting around twiddling their thumbs, or some other part of the body, and letting pay cheques role in. I imagine that the situation is similar at most major hardware manufacturers, because, as we all know, their CEOs were just proxies anyway. They all followed whatever Jobs did as well. But the question still remains, what is the "Next Big Thing"? Of course, most analysts can't even begin to comprehend that, as most of them don't really understand what the "Current Big Thing" is. And, guess what? The "Next Big Thing" is a "Current Little Thing". But where is it and what is it doing out there? If anyone thinks that the "Next Big Thing" is a redone TV, they deserve a punch in the face. TV is already a big thing, and creating a minor enhancement to it does not make it a big thing. Maybe, if someone, somewhere creates a surround vision TV/video game system that doesn't suck, it might be cool. But still, not the next big thing. Maybe we should track the trajectory of the "Current Big Things". After all, if you want to know if your artillery shell is going to blow up the Taliban that have been shooting at you, you need to look at the trajectory the shell takes. The "Current Big Things" are internet enabled, computing phones and personal tablets. Basically, getting an internet enabled computing device into the hands of every person in the world, even the really poor ones in the middle of Africa. That's the ultimate goal. Where do you go from there? There is no more markets to expand into, every person in the world already has a computer with them all the time. For hardware companies, this will be known as the end of expansion. And it is coming in the next 5 years. I suppose, everyone then will really need 2 or 3 computers each, a phone, a tablet, and a laptop. This'll keep sales going for a little while. But not long. Then the hardware market basically becomes a replacement market. But, what do phones, tablets, laptops, desktops, and TVs all have in common? A usage model, they all require the user's focus, mainly their eyes. If you have a laptop or a tablet and a smartphone, you have, at your disposal, a computer that can be used in every moment of your life when you are not moving and your attention is not needed elsewhere. Stopped at a red light? Play with phone. Standing in a line? Whip out the tablet. Riding the bus? Reading the tablet. Laying in bed? Games on the phone (cause your a nerd and not with anyone). Sitting on the can? We all know you're watching naughty videos on your tablet. Where does this leave expansion? We know that everyone has a computer (it will happen), and this computer can be used in basically every idle moment we have. We obviously need to make our computers so that we can use them while doing other things. What does this mean? Well, generally, our eyes are fixed on the primary task we are trying to accomplish. So, our eyes can't be involved in using this computer. Trying walking down the street, reading a newspaper? What do humans do well as a secondary task? Talking and listening. You can walk down the street and talk to someone. You can bake a cake and talk to someone. You can have sex and talk to someone. This is the next, and last big area of expansion for computer use. Siri and Google Now and Google Glass are the next big things. They are the computers that will talk with us as we do other tasks. Them, and Cleverbot when we are lonely and have no one else to talk to. Once these products mature, we will then end the age of expansion for personal computers. Every person will have a computer, we will have computers that we use when we want to focus our attention on the computer, and we will have computers that we can use when our attention is on other tasks. There will be no more people to expand into and no more time in the day to expand into. The real question is, what comes after that?

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How I Imagine a Maps Improvement Meeting At Apple

"Mannsfield, stop chewing on the iPod Nano. Jony, put those damn sketches away and pay attention. We got a lot of work to do, we need to fix the maps problem," Tim Cook comes across teacherish as he tries to get the attention of his executives.

"Bloody Forstall, what a wanker." And with that quip, Jony Ive sets off a half an hour bitch session about the former exec.

"Alright, alright. Let's focus on the problem at hand people," says a frustrated Cook. "At least assembly line workers listen and do what they're supposed to."

"Primarily," Bob Mannsfield pipes up, "our problems are technical in nature. We have a few billion just sitting around, what we need are some cars, maybe 1000, 10,000 driving around fixing up the data. Doesn't that flyover feature need some planes, I'm sure we can get a few of those too. Hell, some of my tech boys and me can build a couple satellites, put 'em in orbit. Really, we got nothing better to do, we're just going to ride the iPhone and iPad success for the next few years anyway."

"Oh come on Bob, why waste everybody's time like that?" interrupts Eddie Cue. "I've got a great big briefcase full of money and Nokia has a whole bunch of good maps already done. Let's just go buy them or license them, or whatever. They're going broke anyway, and might be happy to have enough cash to make their next payroll."

"I agree with you Cueball," Cook replies. (Come on, you don't think people want to refer to him as Cueball?) "But, they just released their own app to the App Store. And, you know we would never, ever steal another's app. Are there any other ideas? Schiller? Schiller??"

The lights in the confrence room flickered once, then all went save one casting a eerie glow on the high back lether chair where Schiller sat. Schiller dramatically spun the chair round to face his colleagues. He leans forward, with a steel gaze in his eyes, a man who knows he has the answers.

"Gentlemen…." Shciller proceeds in solemn tone. "We all know there is but One Man who can save us from this mess." A pause, the other executives glance about the room, perplexed. "I know a woman, she is from Romania." Schiller continues. "Her mystical powers are renowned throughout the world. We can go to His grave, she can speak with Him and He will show us the way." Schiller laughs maniacally, the lights flicker and leave the confrence room in pitch darkness.

"Ok, I guess meeting's over," awkwardly replies Cook.

Needless to say, at the next board of directors meeting, a motion to hire Svetlana as Senior Advisor to the CEO is passed unanimously. And the blogosphere rejoices!

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"You see, nothing in the real world looks anything like any of Rams’ designs. His designs are cold and alien... I have nothing against Rams... When I look at a lot of Rams’ items, I would never put them in my home. They are all ugly and lack something called “warmth” - Have you ever called bullshit on yourself, cause now would be a good time... ?

This statement is completely true. I have seen many of his designs on various websites. I think they are hideous. Some people like them. I don't. The beauty of designing things is that a lot of personal taste is involved, anyone who tells you otherwise is full of shit. There are 8 billion ways to craft a good, functional speaker, you can even make it decorative and purty if you want and still have it function as a speaker. After spewing this load of crap here, I realize I should have said "natural" world, not "real" world. I am sure things like his exist in the "real" world somewhere, though I personally haven't seen them anywhere. I am not avant garde enough to exist in a world inhabited by items of such haute design.

And yes, I will knowingly and willingly sometimes post bullshit just to get a response or a reaction. Why not? This site is here to be fun and different. If you want a different take on things, keep reading.

Somebody actually read this? Holy Crap.

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A Skeuomorphic Pile of Dung

If only computers had a smell output. This post is related to the last post. You see, within Apple, apparently, there have been two camps when it comes to design. From all the reading that I have done on this, Jony Ive makes minimalistic hardware in the vein of the almighty designer Dieter Rams, while Scotty Forestall was all about ornate decoration mimicking real life within the software. S omehow, the beloved, and deceased deity Steve Jobs managed to encourage both schools of thought, while maintaining some mystical integrity of a singular vision of technological nirvana. Jobs is dead, Forstall is fired, and skeuomorphim has been vanquished, all hail the omnipotent Dieter Rams and his beloved son, Jony Ive, in whom he is well pleased. Software design at Apple shall now become cutting edge, subject to the Ten Commandments, not the ones given on Mount Sinai, but the ones handed down by Rams himself to the world. This, this is what the blogosphere has been writing psalms about since Forestall's departure. Suddenly, every blogger wishing to be popular has converted and become a true believer and even more so, has been a secret Rams worshipper since forever. Apple, once the innovator in software design and author of the once sacred HIG (human interface guidelines), shall rise from the skeuomorphic ashes of burnt fake Corinthian leather and save software UI. What a huge pile of shit. Dieter was the proponent of a type of industrial design, but not the only one. Some of his rules of good design transfer across all design, but some don't. There is a lot of nuance and subtlety in making design decisions. I suppose that by his standards, Gothic Cathedrals are just giant piles of design crap. I like them. One of the reasons why iOS has been hugely successful is that it is fun and interesting and touchable. Little animations entertain and provide hints at what is happening as you swipe and move your finger around. Scrolling is elastic and things bounce. It is almost like the operating system is alive and physical. You see, nothing in the realnatural world looks anything like any of Rams' designs. His designs are cold and alien, they appeal to a certain group of people. iOS, however, mimicked the real world, people understood that and they felt comfortable with it. I have nothing against Rams or against Skeuomorphism. Both can be done right, both can be done wrong. The leather stitching in Apple's calendar app? Completely done wrong. When I look at a lot of Rams' items, I would never put them in my home. They are all ugly and lack something called "warmth". What does good skeuomorphism do? It creates a relatible product. It gives the software life, it can fill out what would be an otherwise empty screen with enjoyable eye candy. Are there good examples of it? Garage Band on the iPad is a beautiful example of good skeuomorphism. It immediately makes you want to touch and explore the instruments. I personally love the reflective tape on the directional signs in the new Apple Maps app. They could just be unnattural flat green color, cold and computer like, but no, they have texture and are uncomputer like. Wouldn't it be cool if they could shimmer a bit when you tilt the device? Some people really don't like the reel to reel tape in the Podcasts app, but without some visual decoration, there would be about 5 buttons on screen and that's it. I think it creates a fun, visually interesting and relatable experience, but I'm old and know what a reel to reel is. At the heart of it, skeuomorphism done right de-computerizes a computer. Nothing in reality is actually a flat color devoid of texture. A pure blue sky is about as close as you can come in nature. Our lives are filled with texture, with subtle gradients, with lighting, with objects that sparkle, reflect, are transluscent. Good skuomorphism brings that into the computer and makes it more relatable, and something less "unreal". In fact, the original Macintosh had a certain amount of skeuomorphism about it, but it was called the "desktop metaphor" at the time. And by holding onto this relateable design choice, many people had an easier time learning how to use the computer. In fact, it was probably the adherence to this metaphor that helped people actually enjoy using the original Macintosh. Windows 8, which is apparantly hailed by designers as innovative, is cold and computery. It has a flat colour and a 2D quality to it. It seperates itself from reality, it is other, it is computer. As such, Microsoft has complete freedom in creating the way that it is used, but they will also loose the immediate relationship with people that comes with making something mimic real life. Now, of course, bloggers and people like me have been using computers for ages, and we have grown accustomed to them. I can even feel comfortable at the command line. But most people don't want to use computers. Most people live their lives outside of computers. Most people want to do things, and the computer is a means to an end. By making the computer less like a computer, and more like the physical world, you lessen the friction between them and getting their tasks done. Now lets really get into it, someone, perhaps someone who has been deified, once said, "Design is how it works, not how it looks". Software can work great and have a relateable, attractive skeuomorphism. This is what I'm looking for. Please, no more of that Clear to do list app shit,. It looks computery and fake and hideous. I want fun, visually engaging software. I want software, like I want my women, begging me to touch it. And I like it when it reacts when I do.