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Feathers of Gratitude

As I think about the things I am most thankful for this year, I realize each one has been an enabler for me in some way. Simply put, an enabler makes something possible, and in my case, it has meant being able to work on the passions that drive me. I drew the turkey below with feathers representing the people or things which have allowed me to come back to the US to continue work on emotitones, my music, and a new clothing line for coders and technologists. 

If all Thanksgiving turkeys 

had enablers like I do... 

...they could fly too.

Gratitude is one of the core emotions we have recently focused on at Emotitones.  Many people throughout history have expressed the importance of gratitude in speeches, literature, and songs, and we have turned some of these excerpts into emotitones - as a new "thanksgiving" category. The goal is to give people a way to reflect on what it means to be thankful, and to share these expressions with others. We hope you will enjoy this taste of the future of Emotitones... This is just the beginning.

Happy Thanksgiving!

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An entrepreneur's growing skill set: eliminating self-doubt

Any person starting a business quickly realizes that nothing will be spoon fed to them. They will face an ever-growing mound of learning to conquer, from forming a company and protecting intellectual property, to building out a product and finding early users. Acquiring this education is a burden on time and finances, and I've discovered a psychological effect it has on entrepreneurs as well.

While you toil away at gaining the necessary knowledge to be effective, your friends, colleagues and classmates in other disciplines will probably become experts in their fields. They will make deeper progress and find a secure place in the industry of their choice. This gives many of them a tremendous sense of identity - an understanding of what their life's work is all about, and even how they contribute to society as a whole. 

Meanwhile, you place "all of your eggs in one basket," focusing on one big execution. Since your knowledge must cover such a variety of subjects, it will take years to gain expertise in any/all of them.

I can only speak to the way this has made me feel, but I have observed this insecurity with other founders. Some even feel like frauds - not having enough knowledge to assert themselves in any one particular field.  I remember being frustrated earlier this summer… 

I met with a friend who runs a successful music management company. His seven clients are all highly talented with music and production skills reflecting those at the top of the industry. My friend can't run a sustainable business by representing developing artists, so naturally he has picked people with astonishing depth in their fields. Hearing about each of them, I felt envious, and discouraged - reflecting on all the time I had spent learning production, coding, business, editing, design etc; countless hours away from doing just one thing very very well. 

But as the conversation went on, he revealed that none of his successful clients were doing just music. One writes plugins and applications for companies like Avid. Another has diversified by going into film composition and audio for games, which has turned out to be his greatest revenue generator. The music industry is not made of just music anymore, and most fields have expanded in kind.

I prodded more, and came to this realization: what makes these experts extraordinary, is simply that they are further ahead on the very same journey that some of us entrepreneurs have embarked on. The journey is a multidisciplinary one, and to shake things up at the intersection, you must know the intersecting parts.

Feeling like a fraud is a bit too harsh, but when facing huge learning curve(s), I think it's natural to feel some insecurity. If we are patient, and realize that the extra investment in learning will pay off, then when the time is right, we will stand confidently and have more than enough to say (and do) in the beautiful spaces we have have come to know.

One of my mentors Brad Feld said to me, "deep specific skills covered by broad general skills are key." This is now, one of my guiding principles when it comes to learning. My objectives require turning proficiencies into expertise, and so this is what I am committed to doing.

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Reflection: How to eat an elephant? One bite at a time.

My husband always says this. And even though I really have no desires or impulses to eat an elephant, this expression helps me.

Take for example, the 8 test fails I am looking at on my computer screen right now. We are doing TDD in class (test driven development). The basic premise is that you write a test for a feature and write code that passes the test in your application. Psychologically, the red text is very disconcerting. The beauty, however, is that if you address these test failures one at a time, the result is a screen that is entirely green (as in correct, "you did it!", or... GO forth!). It is very gratifying.

So as I sit here while my classmates happily play banana grams  (most of their screens are already green), I will tackle this elephant one bite at a time.

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Reflection 4 (the sadness of being halfway done)

We are officially half way through WDI! But I'm totally ambivalent about the weeks progressing... on the one hand, we are halfway through sleepless nights (maybe), but as I figured out this week, I don't want more sleep. I want to be coding. And when I haven't struggled through the night writing a program, the next day I feel sad and empty.

Also, I'm really really going to miss these people! But maybe I won't have to since Chyld is launching the best Ruby/Rails meet-up in the world next week! 

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Reflection 3 : programming, an unexpected creative outlet

Artistic expression drives most of what I do, whether it's creating a piece of music, featuring other artists on emotitones, or just passively consuming the great art of others. When art is done well, we feel it, and the emotion/inspiration of its creator is successfully experienced by the listener/viewer (which is currently happening to me while experiencing Dirty South).

I, along with 24 others are part of a 12-week intense foray into the world of web development aka programming. I learned in the first week, that this would be one of the most challenging times of my life. In week 2, I learned that doing things the hard way before doing them the easy way, is one of the best ways to learn a subject. Now after spending a week with Rails (and Ruby), I have learned that the possibilities are endless.

We are supposed to present our first projects to the GA community Tuesday, and I find myself feeling the same way I do when beginning a composition: overwhelmed by the possibilities, but so excited to create something from nothing. We have a blank canvas to fill with any application. And while some of us only have the limited knowledge of the past 3 weeks to call upon, with these principles we can express anything...

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Crying over spilt milk.. err whiskey?

The effects of lack of sleep and a double-booked schedule have begun taking their toll. Aside from feeling like a different person (not in a good way), I had the totally embarrassing experience of crying in class today. Granted, it was a very long night, and no one was around really to see the tears, but still, not being able to avoid crying while coding was so humiliating.

I attached a photo that I have been staring at for the past 45 minutes now. I have checked for syntax errors, compared my code to others, yet still, I cannot come up with the cause of this method error. In this particular platform called Sinatra that we are using for another week or so, when you generate an error, you make "Sinatra" spill his drink. But that isn't what is making me upset. It's that my whole life, I have been able to work through problems by myself. But not anymore. Being in WDI has humbled me and made me realize I need people - no matter how much I hate asking for help. And this lesson is one that I need for growing my startup which suffers from the stubborn attitude of its single founder.

So here's to another lab, another round of spilling drinks, and the hope that one day, I will be proficient in prototyping anything in my imagination.

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Reflection 2

We just had a visit from the CEO/co-founder of General Assembly, Jake Schwartz. He shared some of GA's history and vision with us, and told us about the inspiration behind creating the program that we are in now: the Web Development Immersive. He mentioned that unlike certain university programs where you spend tens (sometimes hundreds) of thousands of dollars, and come out without many skills, the WDI program was created to change the lives of its students while allowing them to be able to pay off debt within 6 months or less.

What does "changing lives" mean? Well, for me, it isn't an overstatement. For the past few years, I have been toiling away trying to build Emotitones. Emotitones is supposed to be a tool to help people communicate better - by integrating expressive multimedia excerpts into every day messaging. In concept this is very simple. In terms of execution, however, it hasn't been easy. Instead of being able to experiment with the many approaches I have had in my head, I have had to consistently wireframe, write lengthy emails, and have lengthy calls about features, and how to implement them. All the while, I am consistently disappointed by the results. 

Going thru the wdi program doesn't mean I still won't need an amazing team to grow Emotitones to where it needs to be, nor does it mean I am qualified to be the CTO of any company (yet!). But it does promise that I will be able to build what is in my head. I will be able to prototype and test assumptions, be confident about what people like and don't like, know what our focus should be, know who to hire, and provide the community with tools to help us take on this somewhat large-scale endeavor. 

I am thankful for the opportunity at GA, and even though the first week has been very challenging, at the end of 12 weeks we will be finished, and it will be up to us to choose how we cross the finish line. For me, it would be awesome to cross in a full sprint, but for now, I am shooting for a comfortable pace - one that means I have put 100% into the race, and am ready for more.

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Reflection 1 (WDI)

Today marks the beginning of a new journey - one I expect will never be finished.

The past few years, I've had a strong desire to learn how to develop applications, but I was always too busy with Emotitones (my startup) to have enough time to dive in. I finally bit the bullet and enrolled in the Web Development Immersive program at General Assembly. The program is 12 weeks long, Monday thru Friday, 9am to 5:30pm, with tons of work, workshops and networking outside of class. Despite the time commitment, I can't wait, and have Upstart to thank for giving me the resources to be able to do this. 

My desire to learn how to be a developer can better be explained in this video:

https://vimeo.com/57611714

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One week later...

I have completed the first week of the two-year experiment I mentioned earlier, and I must say, it has been eye-opening, and thought-provoking.

The biggest takeaway by far, is realizing the power of the human mind- more specifically, the power of the mind to make choices . I think choice or free will is the single biggest thing preventing people from reaching their fullest potential. I can't get into it now, but I can say, if you exercise the power of choice even with the tiniest of choices every day, you will alter the trajectory you are on - better choices, better trajectory.

And unfortunately, this leaves me with the bit of sadness... why couldn't I have started this sooner?

But I CHOOSE to not dwell on the past :-), and with that fleeting thought I move onto the next more positive one: I can't wait for tomorrow to begin.

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Sinusoidal

Just a quick thought:

I often use the sine wav to describe many patterns I observe in life. My favorite one is about the peaks and troughs being analogous to the excitement and despair one feels in running a startup; or the inspiration and depression one feels as an artist. But just now, I realized that my general enthusiasm flows like a sine wave. This seems disturbing to me. Shouldn't I exercise more control over something so significant?

I should be able to feel enthusiastic whenever it is productive, and then take a break when spending time on other areas of life (like exercising).

Yes, I am pleased with the increasing discipline in my life, but I don't want to be a sinusoidal enthusiast. Life is a gift, and everything must be approached with enthusiasm... even things like flossing! Agree?

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Body mechanics and early women in tech

Today's highlights came from my interactions with the fields of osteopathy and computer science.

I trained as a gymnast many moons ago, and continued training in dance for several years after. As a result of perhaps some improper training, my left side is slightly more flexible and strong than my right. This means that when I run, I can feel pain in strange places because things aren't completely balanced. I saw an osteopath for lingering issues today and have decided that the osteopath is truly the equivalent to the car mechanic for the human body. Our bodies are such intricate systems, so unless you are a doctor, you really do need a mechanic to very frankly explain what is going on... and to fix the source of the problem!

I can't believe no one told me about osteopaths...

And I can't believe no one told me about Admiral Grace Hopper and Ada Lovelace! If you love technology, and are interested in learning about some of the founding fathers of computer programming... you must meet these founding mothers (thank you, David Evans!):

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grace_Hopper

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ada_Lovelace

I salute you!

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Human Experiment

In honor of Technically Sound - a science meets art meets technology initiative, I enrolled myself in a human experiment today. It will last two years. I can promise that if it turns out to have a very positive effect in my life, I will share the process with everyone.

And if it turns out to be unsuccessful, I will share that too, as "we can learn so much from failure" is practically a mantra in the startup community.

BUT, I intend on this experiment being a wild success :-)

Having lived through the first of 730 days, I must say there were several creative outputs I could post to represent this first day, but these are the ones I like the best:

1) In a city like Hong Kong, having a quiet place to sing and not worry about disrupting others, nor being disrupted is a huge luxury.

2) The Galaxy Note is changing the way people are creative on the fly. All of a sudden, we can draw in a very convenient, and precise way (compared to our fingertips on a touch screen). This drawing of a dress is a far cry from the pattern I will end up making, however, being able to sketch some elements on the fly without a pad and pencil on hand was very useful for me today.

* I own an iPhone 4S as a US phone and a Galaxy Note as an HK phone. I have a lot to say on this subject of comparison which I will save for later.

That's it for now. 17 hours, 5 miles, 20 laps and 20 check marks *... I am tired.

*And a complimentary Lychee martini from this Nepalese Angel who said I would make her night if she could get me "dizzy" (?). I obliged. Time for bed.

See you tomorrow.

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Why do we wait this long?

How many of us have been promising ourselves that we will take that first step in writing a blog? If I had about an hour to spare, I would look up the number of people who have registered for a blog, but have yet to write as much as a 'hello world'.

I know what the problem is, because that was me for 5 years until this moment. Nothing of major significance has happened today, except for the realization that I am a victim of Information Paralysis and I bet you are too.

The paralysis refers to the inability to make a move in the digital world i.e. the inability to tweet, to write status updates, to write blog entries, to share photos... The information causing this paralysis is the sheer number of options, channels, vehicles we have to choose from; the limitless styles, voices, fonts, graphics, platforms; the infinite topics we have to choose from - or to be self-proclaimed experts about. After being bombarded with endless choices, we ask ourselves "Who am I?" "What do I care about?" "Why would anyone want to read what I have to say?" "Am I an expert in anything?"

Listen up friends: If you don't claim your space, or proclaim your interests, or decide what it is that really moves you, technology will decide for you and will label you based on their algorithms. Applications will not only decide what you are interested in and knowledgeable about, they will broadcast these definitions to... everyone. And the people who have stayed silent will be frustrated.. left behind... labelled as "not with the times."

The Klout score is the first of these such technologies that will translate your online presence into a number. It will tell you who you influence, and who influences you. And it will tell you what is believed to be your area of expertise. It's really interesting from a social standpoint, and what's more interesting, is the behaviors it is beginning to inspire. The competition is on, now that people are correlating klout score with success, self-worth and so on.

I don't quite feel compelled to let it run my life per se, but I am inspired to take charge of my voice; what I communicate as being the topics that move me, and what I am doing with this life of mine.

I can't promise that these posts will even be moderately good. But I can promise that I will share things that make me feel alive. I hope you do the same!