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LDS Doctrine, 8yr-old Transgender Children and Policy

One of the most shocking things about the new LDS policies for transgender children, is the policy that appears to deny or severely restrict their access to baptism. I discussed that briefly here (last year and recently). This post looks more at the doctrinal side of the question.

LDS doctrine has been amazingly clear and consistent on the treatment of little children prior to the age of accountability (defined as 8yrs-old in Doctrine & Covenants 68) from the very early days of the church. I honestly feel this issue has some nuance, but the church has been absolutely unwavering in stating the tenet that children under the age of 8 cannot sin, or even if they can their sin is swallowed up in the atonement of Christ automatically.

I might personally believe that accountability for actions is a continuum based on the light and law an individual has received (2 Nephi 9:25-6, Luke 12:47-9, Romans 4:15, 5:13, DC 137:7 – a continuum applying to all individuals, regardless of age). However, LDS doctrine and statements are emphatic in declaring the complete innocence of little children, and that the atonement covers them completely until the child is 8 years old:

Moroni 8:8,11-2,14,19 (verses 20+ are much harsher) “...wherefore little children are whole, for they are not capable of committing sin… their little children need no repentance… little children are alive in Christ, from the foundation of the world… little children cannot repent; wherefore it is awful wickedness to deny the pure mercies of God unto them…”

DC 20:71 “No one can be received into the church of Christ unless he has arrived at the years of accountability before God, and is capable of repentance”

DC 68:27 “And their children shall be baptized for the remission of their sins when eight years old, and receive the laying on of the hands”

DC 74:7 “But little children are holy, being sanctified through the atonement of Christ; and this is what the scriptures mean”

See also Mosiah 3:16, Mosiah 15:25, DC 29:46-7, DC 137:10, JST Genesis 17:3-11, etc.

Taken together, little children are whole and clean through Jesus Christ until they arrive at the years of accountability and are capable of repentance. And that age is 8 years old. Church leaders have repeatedly restated this:

Dallin H Oaks: “We understand from our doctrine that before the age of accountability a child is ‘not capable of committing sin’” (Dallin H. Oaks, “Sins and Mistakes,” Ensign, Oct. 1996, 65)

Bruce R. McConkie “There comes a time, however, when accountability is real and actual and sin is attributed in the lives of those who develop normally. It is eight years of age, the age of baptism.” (Bruce R. McConkie, “The Salvation of Little Children,” Ensign, Apr. 1977, 6)

And we can even see this in the policies laid out in the current General Handbook of Instructions:

31.2.3.1: Children who are Members of Record

(note: children of record are children whose names are on the rolls of the church prior to baptism at age 8)

"In the interview, the bishopric member ensures that the child understands the purposes of baptism (see 2 Nephi 31:5–20). He also ensures that the child understands the baptismal covenant and is committed to live by it (see Mosiah 18:8–10). He does not need to use a specified list of questions. This is not an interview to determine worthiness, since 'little children need no repentance' (Moroni 8:11)."

(bold emphasis mine)

But for the first time in our history, we have an exception to this rule, and it applies only if the child is transgender. Instead of a meaningful interview with the local bishop or one of his counselors about following Jesus, a transgender child (and only a transgender child) who dresses differently or uses a different name and pronouns must have a worthiness interview with the regional Stake President directly. There is no other ‘sin’ that calls for this, even when little children have somehow perpetrated horrible crimes. If the Stake President finds the child worthy (is this even possible under the new guidelines??), he recommends the child for baptism to the First Presidency. The First Presidency is the highest council/court in the church, from which there is no appeal. The First Presidency then chooses whether or not to permit the child to be baptized. This new policy is spelled out in the Handbook:

38.2.8.9: Individuals Who Identify as Transgender

"Any exception to this policy requires the approval of the First Presidency. To request approval, the mission president, or the stake president for an eight-year-old, interviews the person. If he finds the person to be worthy and if he recommends baptism and confirmation, he submits a request for approval to the First Presidency using LCR."

(bold emphasis mine)

In the past, the church has denied baptism to the children of polygamists and to the children of gays (possibly others). In those cases, it could always be said the child’s parents were at fault, not the child themselves. This new policy is a marked departure from that and, in my opinion, is inconsistent with the church’s doctrine. I hope to see this policy adjusted as other policies have been when they do not align well with our core values and doctrines.

Love,

Erran

[tessas-testimonies]

What does 'Sensitivity, kindness, compassion and Christlike love' feel like?

A new church policy affecting transgender members of the LDS church has recently been implemented. This new Policy of Exclusion severely restricts or eliminates baptism (38.2.8.9), fellowship and opportunities for service for transgender members - including transgender children. Insofar as I am able to tell, it treats transgender members, who have transitioned in any way, worse than convicted child molester members (treatment of convicted child abusers who are members, including child sexual abuse, in 38.6.2.5 vs. guidance for church participation of transgender members, including transgender children).

If the default setting for a transgender member, including a transgender child, is to be treated by their congregation more severely than a convicted adult sexual predator of children, can you see why some of us are having difficulty feeling the church's stated 'sensitivity, kindness, compassion and Christlike love' for us? Why we may feel we are not part of 'All are welcome'?

[tessas-testimonies]

This is gonna be on mind for a while, I'm going to stop posting about it after this month, so if this news is upsetting, you might wanna mute my blog or something for a bit

♥️

In response to the August 2024 updates to General Handbook: Serving in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, the Executive Committee of Affirmation: LGBTQ Mormons, Families & Friends released the following statement:

We mourn with our transgender siblings as we wrestle with the painful impact of recent policy changes and guidelines released by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. With over 45 years of providing support to LGBTQIA+ individuals who are current and former members of the Church, we know first-hand the pain that policies like this cause. We stand with our transgender siblings.

Rather than seek to better understand, include, and affirm transgender individuals who are also Latter-day Saints, leaders of the Church have opted to further restrict these members’ ability to participate. While these changes specifically impact individuals who have socially or medically transitioned, all are affected by the messages conveyed in these policies, which reject authentic experience and identity.

Prior to these updates, transgender members of the Church could expect their gender identities to be respected through the use of their chosen names, to participate in church meetings aligning with their gender identities, and to have some opportunities to be called to serve within the Church. The recent updates reduce the hope that the gender identities of transgender members will be respected, prohibit transgender members from church meetings aligning with their gender identities, restrict access to restrooms, and explicitly prohibit transgender members from serving in the Church as teachers or working with children.

Further, church policy now includes language that encourages detransitioning as the only pathway to reinstate full membership within the Church.

The Ninth Article of Faith of the Church states that “We believe all that God has revealed, all that He does now reveal, and we believe that He will yet reveal many great and important things pertaining to the Kingdom of God.” Modern revelation is a foundational belief of the Church. The claim of prophecy received today from the Lord’s anointed sets the Church apart from most Christian sects. However, in our view, the treatment of transgender individuals by those who claim the mantle of prophecy indicates that they, like Paul of old, “see through a glass, darkly” in this area. In that lack of clarity, leaders of the Church are co-opting ideologies of the world in promoting views of gender being restricted to that assigned at birth and in encouraging detransitioning.

We hope that God will yet reveal better for our transgender siblings.

Until then, Affirmation: LGBTQ Mormons, Families & Friends remains committed to creating worldwide communities of safety, love, and hope, fully inclusive and affirming of all sexual orientations, gender identities, beliefs, and relationships with the Church. We love you. We are here for you.

Fred Bowers, President Joel McDonald, Senior Vice President David Doyle, Vice President

[tessas-testimonies]

I don't have anything to add, today hurts, that is all

My heart has been so heavy since I’ve read the new updates to the handbook.

I’m so tired.

My faith that things will become better in the church is still there but it feels like it’s the glimmering surface of the ocean while I am in the deep, barely able to glimpse the specks of sunlight.

I don’t feel safe attending church.

I’m under the trans umbrella even if I present feminine often times, my assigned gender.

I’ve socially transitioned. I’m dreaming of eventually being able to afford surgery.

I wouldn’t be able to hold callings.

And my heart breaks thinking of the sweet children who are trans and have socially transitioned. Just wearing a dress and using she/her pronouns suddenly puts a child under such horrible scrutiny. It hurts.

My mom describes faith in an institution as a shelf. If you’re not careful, too much weight will make it break.

My shelf has broken completely.

[tessas-testimonies]

I'm back, and I'll add on with this that if it hits 750, I'll come out to my bishop as well.

Here da screenshot, tumblr do your thing, but maybe not crazy fast yeah? *chuckles nervously*

[tessas-testimonies]

Takin a Break

Hey everyone, I'm gonna be taking a break from social media until the end of the summer, I've been in a really poor place mentally lately and I suspect social media is at least partially to blame, I'll be back when the new school year starts for my youngest sister. I'm mostly reblogs but I know some of my mutuals are friends and I didn't want anyone to worry.

[tessas-testimonies]

Feelin' Pushed Away

This one is gonna be different from my normal posts, usually I'm just commenting and adding my own thoughts to other creators, but today I'm coming to y'all for some help and/or advice. I've mentioned before that I feel that my being trans is divine; I was born to be trans just as I was born a man. I want to make my membership within the LDS church work still, I believe that despite the church's many faults, it still has the most capacity for good and I'm willing to fight to make that a reality. The problem is, despite all this, I feel like I'm being pushed away from it all by my parents, like they're having this silent "you have to pick, God or trans-ness, you can't have both." It's frustrating to feel like out of *everything* wrong in the church, (yes, even things like the CES letter and stuff), the people that I feel pushing me away the most are my parents. I want to love them, I want to be involved in the gospel and in church, but it's so hard to feel wanted when it seems even my own parents don't want me there. Any advice on how to cope with that or on how to confront my parents over it would be greatly appreciated! Love y'all! <3

[tessas-testimonies]

100% this, my parents asked me if I think God made a mistake making me born a man, and I don't think so at all, growing up a man, and now becoming a woman, has helped me to learn so much more about humanity and what makes humans so godly.

It's been difficult, I've been alienated in ways I never thought I would be, but I've also met so many wonderful and Christlike people through my journey so far.

Being trans has helped me to be more loving, caring, kind, and understanding. It's helped me to see my fellow humans as children of god, rather than always only an "Us vs Them" situation.

Being trans is 100% a blessing in my eyes, now and forever

actually God blessed me with queerness

[tessas-testimonies]

Y'know, I needed this, I've been avoiding going to church for a while because I was uncomfortable being at church while queer, and I'd always sit alone, even without being out at church. But while the social aspect is certainly important, that's not *why* I want to go to church. I think I'm going to come out to my bishop this month.

it’s been a little over an year and a half since i joined the church and in that time i’ve been closer to God than i’ve ever been in my life, but yet the doubt is so real and i feel it so often.

i’m in a household full of people who don’t understand — who don’t care to understand. every Sunday i have to find the courage to get up and make my way to the church building to where i sit alone for two hours before coming back home.

it feels so lonely sometimes. i have so much love in my heart for this gospel that i wish i could share, but i just can’t. there are days where i just want to stay home. going to church (attending a family ward) only makes me realize that i am alone in this faith. it’s hard seeing families happy to be together, when i still have so many unanswered questions of what’s going to happen to mine after this life.

but being a member (to me) means being okay with not knowing. i don’t have all the answers, and i possibly never will, but i still have faith. i know it will work out yet it’s still so so so scary to only have this (still, know in my heart that it’s true). i wish i had the answers, someone to tell me what’s going to happen after this life, but i don’t. and that’s okay. that’s how He designed it to be.

i wake up every Sunday for Him. i go to church for Him. it’s never been just about me.

the stress of not knowing what’s going to happen, the loneliness that surrounds me when i’m sitting by myself at church, and the heartbreak that comes from living the gospel as a queer member — are all things that i’m CHOOSING to live with,, because of Him!!!

nothing is stronger than his love.

after this, when i finally make it to the gates of heaven, i’m going reflect back on this life and think to myself “that was it?”

that was all i had to go through for an eternity of love and light with my creator? thank you Jesus!

in my head, God and i are drinking orange juice from a wine glass and we are playing 20 questions (He knows all my answers but He still asks me anyways).

[tessas-testimonies]

Queerstake and Queerward have saved my life in so many ways, and I can 100% attest to my testimony having been *strengthened* from this whole experience. Even when people (like my dad) tell me to my face that they don't believe me when I tell them I've prayed about transitioning and the overwhelming answer every time has been, "it'll be okay". Even when church policies prevent me from going to the temple ever again. Even when certain Apostles get up at General Conference and talk about how "the family is under attack". I know that who I am is a child of God, first and foremost. God loves *all* his children, that includes the ones who are queer, who are disabled, who are a different ethnicity, or are just generally "different". All. Means. All.

I hope the people in our little tumblrstake we have on here know just how much their words have helped me. Just seeing queer mormons is such a privilege. You’ve brought me a lot of guidance in this past year and you have strengthened my testimony to great heights. It is so simple what you do on here, yet so powerful. It has changed my life, and probably my future too. If church leadership was as progressive, accepting, and informational as tumblrstake then the church wouldn’t be viewed as it is today.

I told my classmate today that I was going to mormon prom, which led her to ask me if I was mormon. When I told her I was, her jaw literally dropped. It was obvious that she couldn’t imagine someone like me ( queer af ) being in the church. She has a small perspective of who I am, and a small perspective of what the church is. Unfortunately, they were far too different things in her head, to be seen mixed together. It hurt realizing that some people see the church that way, as this bad thing. I’ve been so fortunate to have a mostly accepting ward and a special place in queerstake, that I’ve forgotten our reputation and our dark history and our not very accepting “brothers and sisters” that when I say I’m mormon to someone, they react like I just came out to them.

know that our LDS blogs in our tiny corner of tumblr proves to be more than just a small community. It is a life line keeping me holding on to that iron rod and I’m sure so many others aswell. I thank everyone for all that you’ve done here. You represent the real church of jesus christ of latter day saints.

[tessas-testimonies]

Was so tempted to bring up this exact thought at my family's come follow me study on this last Sunday. Talking about the tree of life in Lehi's vision and everything. I phrased it a little differently to not instantly start contention and a fight, but I also had the thought come to me while talking about it.

While in the scriptures and in the Book of Mormon videos they show people only going into the "Great and Spacious Building™" I like to think it's possible for people to leave all the same. I know I did, I used to be incredibly homophobic and transphobic growing up, and was one of those that would "cheer" (metaphorically) with my parents when Oaks would give a talk "condemning the gays" and I deeply regret it every day.

Now here I am, trans as heck, questioning my sexuality (again), and try where I can to be an ally, even if my own anxiety and problems tend to get in the way more often than not. I like to think I'm following the iron rod, that I'm going towards the tree of life, but even still I catch myself occasionally slipping up, and rather than being like Lehi calling others to the tree, I can be those that laugh and point at others for what they believe. I'm trying to improve though! I like to think I'm getting better every day.

Was President Packer talking about homophobes and transphobes when he said that not all the mockery of the great and spacious building comes from outside the church? Almost definitely not. But aren't LGBT+ children of God clinging to the iron rod and partaking of His love, only to be shamed by their brothers and sisters? Hasn't the pride of the world caused many church members to drive these saints onto strange paths? Absolutely, yes.

[tessas-testimonies]

None of us are perfect, but we learn & grow

A lady at church stopped me to say that I spoke in her congregation a few years ago and said that we shouldn't teach our kids to never sin, instead teach them how to access Christ's atonement.

She and her husband still refer to that idea when their kids mess up. It's fine, it's a learning experience, and now we ask God to help us.

I don't remember saying it, but I believe that. None of us are perfect.

Not that we encourage people to sin, but humans are going to be human and we have flaws and make mistakes, we do things in the heat of the moment that we later regret. We will feel guilty for doing something wrong, and it's a chance to reassess and learn and move forward and do better. It's a way we learn and grows. God accounted for this, in fact, it's a crucial part of God's plan for us to progress in this way. The school of hard knocks, meaning the education you get from negative experiences, is a powerful way we learn and grow.

Remember to think, "I did a bad thing," not "I am bad." There is a powerful difference between those two. We can make amends for the actions we did, we can choose not to repeat those actions. We are not our worst mistakes. Much of the goodness in your own life is generated by you.

[tessas-testimonies]

Doing this again, probably going to forget to add my own thoughts to OP. But I'm sharing anyway and if I forget to edit this, know that you are loved! ♥️ Edit: I remembered to come back and edit! OP, thank you for standing up for what's right in councils and meetings. Your example I'm sure has and is currently having a profound impact on your ward and stake. I don't have a lot to say on the spiritual side other than to ask some (hopefully) rhetorical questions. When someone says "God Hates Gays", let me ask you this What did Christ do the sinners? The sick and afflicted? Those who were downtrodden?

Now think of what he did to those who were prideful, those who treated others poorly. What did he say to those people who abused or even just ignored the less fortunate?

Even if homosexuality and transgender identities were a sin, the way people treat the LGBTQ community is the furthest thing from being Christlike. And people like OP are bettering the world every day, just by existing. <3

Bishops Council

In my stake, twice a quarter the bishops get together with the stake presidency. I typically do not attend this meeting, but stake president invited me to come since one of the bishops had added "counsel with LGBT youth" as an agenda item.

The stake president has a gay son and is fully capable of speaking to this, but I appreciate that he wanted to include the point of view of someone who is queer.

When we got to this topic, the stake president shared a few slides I had sent him earlier based on some research done at Utah State University.

The stake president then spoke about things he has learned as the dad of a gay child. Primarily that it is his job to love, and his son is going to have his own journey. The things he has learned as the parent of a queer child has helped him be a better stake president.

One of the bishops shared that when he was newly called three years ago that I sent him an email with 10 suggestions. He keeps that email bookmarked and has referred to it several times over the years. It helped him understand his role and that he could be confident in meeting with queer individuals and help them feel seen, loved, and valued. Then he read the list while wiping away tears, and I also was moved to tears to hear him share how impactful these suggestions were for him

David's list of 10 suggestions for bishops

All LGBT members need a trusted adult in their life who loves, supports and sustains them, no matter which path they choose.

When someone “comes out” they should be greeted with love, validation and hope, not a lecture on repentance or reminder of the Church’s stance on same-sex marriage  

Create a safe culture for the LGBT person. This could include speaking to youth and YSA about what sort of conversation their bishop would have with them if they come out, that it’s okay if now is not the right time to come out, and there is no shame to the person or their family if they are gay/trans. There's a good chance there's some LGBT people in your ward, even if you don't know who they are.

Don’t use words like “struggling” or say they’ll be “fixed” in the resurrection

Our Heavenly Parents love their LGBT children, we should give them unconditional love and support and recognize they will bless the lives of others

LGBT individuals are more likely to be the victims of bullying and violence than any other minority group in the USA. Be on the lookout for youth or young adults who may be doing & saying unkind things.  

Know the signs of suicide and depression. LGBT people are at much higher risk. It’d be a good idea for youth leaders to have some training in this.

Encourage them to pray and ask if God loves them as they are 

Especially before or after lessons about marriage, say something like “I know there are people in this ward who cannot be married because of same-sex attraction or other reasons. I love you, and the Lord has a plan for you.”

Know that studies show that being active in the LDS church is often detrimental to the mental health and quality of life for LGBT people. For a person’s well-being, they may decide they need a break. Make sure they know they’re welcome to come back.

Then another bishop shared that he has a child who recently came out as trans and is in their first semester of college. This child hasn't fully discussed this with the family but is using this time away to experiment with what feels right to them. He loves this child and wants them to be their best and to be comfortable with themselves and it's taking some adjustments for him to understand and change his dreams for them.

Then my bishop shared that I had given him the same 10 suggestions when he was first called and he feels it has helped him be successful as a bishop to queer youth. Then he shared an incident that happened recently which involved a young women leader overhearing part of a conversation between two of the teens. He didn't share the specifics of the discussion other than it was about being gay. The leader was uncomfortable with what she heard and spoke about it at ward council.

Another bishop commented, "Oh yes, ward council, that's the right place to discuss that" as he rolled his eyes.

The stake president said a better approach would've been for the leader to ask the girls to share more with her, to be open to a conversation with them, rather than run to the ward council to share how shocked and uncomfortable she was.

I thought it was a good discussion even though I got to say very little. I had prepared some thoughts ahead of time that I could use as reference, and I sent them by email to the bishops (see below).

————————————————————

There are queer individuals who attend our congregations, many of whom aren't out to everyone, and so you speak to queer people even if you don't know who they are.

We are children of God, we deserve to hear good news, to have hope, to feel loved. Unfortunately that doesn’t happen often enough in church settings. People who interacted with Christ left feeling uplifted and that would be a good goal for us.

In 2019, the former stake president said this in Bishops' Council: LGBT individuals are some of the most patient people you’ll ever meet. They’ve heard more hurtful words than most any of us will hear in our entire lifetime. That doesn’t mean they’re immune to the words. There are LGBT members who come to church and they deserve to hear good words, to be welcomed and loved and be strengthened in the gospel.

Handbook 38.6.15 The Church encourages families and members to reach out with sensitivity, love, and respect to persons who are attracted to others of the same sex. The Church also promotes understanding in society at large that reflects its teachings about kindness, inclusiveness, love for others, and respect for all human beings.

Handbook 38.6.23 Transgender individuals face complex challenges. Members and nonmembers who identify as transgender—and their family and friends—should be treated with sensitivity, kindness, compassion, and an abundance of Christlike love. All are welcome to attend sacrament meeting, other Sunday meetings, and social events of the Church

When my bishop was first called, a member of the ward asked me if I thought the new bishop would be safe to meet with and share his orientation. I sent the bishop an email to find out and received this beautiful response:

David, Thank you for sharing this with me. I hope that the Spirit can guide me to treat LBGTQ members and investigators with love and respect. I’m not sure what your journey has been, but I would guess that it has included anguish, heartbreak and innumerable unintentional and even some intentional wounds. As far as I am aware, I am the only person called to be a judge in the ward, and I believe that office is to help everyone come to Christ, not send any away. I may not fully appreciate how or which traditions and traditional phrases may carry messages of exclusion, but I am open to learning a better way. I hope that I can “make the pathway bright” for LBGTQ members and friends. In hope, Bishop

One of the scariest parts of coming out is not knowing how the other person will respond. The previous stake president at a youth fireside shared how he would react if a person met with him and shared that they are LGBTQ.

I would thank you for trusting me enough to share this with me.

If you're willing, I'd like for you to share with me some about your journey up to this point.

I would offer to give you a blessing.

Regardless of whether you accepted or declined the offer of a blessing, I'm a hugger so I'd ask if I can give you a hug.

I'd invite you to come see me again when you want to talk some more.

Questions many LGBTQ+ members would welcome from their church leaders (these come from the fourth option)

What does being LGBTQIA+ mean for you at this time?

What has been difficult about being an LGBTQIA+ member of the church? What's been fulfilling?

What do you want your future to look like?

What do you believe or want to believe?

What revelation have you received, if any, about your path in life?

What's on your mind related to your sexuality or gender identity and faith?

How has being queer influenced your relationship with Christ?

How can we best support you?

Do you feel safe in our congregation? What can we do to make it safer?

Has anyone said or done anything to make you feel unwanted in the ward?

From what you've observed so far, how can we improve as a ward?

How would you like to be involved in the ward?

What callings would you feel comfortable with?

What skills would you like to use to contribute to our ward? 

What else would you like me to know?

Things ward & stake leaders can do (also from the fourth option)

Pray for guidance on how to make your ward safer and more inclusive for LGBTQIA+ members (out or not)

Call LGBTQIA+ members to callings in a range of auxiliaries

Invite LGBTQIA+ members to share their experiences in fifth Sunday lessons, firesides, ward councils meetings, etc

Encourage your stake to call an LGBTQ fellowship coordinator

Speak to LGBTQIA+ members over the pulpit and in lessons (move away from the "use vs. them" mentality; show that we're part of every ward, out or not)

Include LGBTQIA+ members in discussions about ministering and and outreach

Regularly check in with us to see if anyone is making us feel unsafe

Get to know us personally

Wear a rainbow pin or similar thing to indicate that you're an ally

Speak in support of LGBTQIA+ people and help others remember that we are children of God

Ask your ward or stake to start a support group for LGBTQIA+ members, families, and allies (volunteer to help if possible)

Pray for guidance on how to best minister to LGBTQIA+ individuals in your ward

Pray for God to reveal more about His plan for His LGBTQIA+ children

Correct people when they say uninformed or hateful things

Listen to our stories, sit in our pain, celebrate our joy

Studies show that on average gay men (and I suspect this is true of queer people in general) are more creative, have higher IQ’s and higher emotional intelligence, have more compassion and are more cooperative and have less hostility. Of course someone with these qualities is going to bless the lives around them.

We have a stake group for LGBTQ members, and their family, friends and allies, which meets about every other month. For more information, contact me.

[tessas-testimonies]

I plan on writing my own thoughts for this, but I am at work currently and can't give it the proper attention it deserves, expect either an edit to this reblog, or reblogging my own reblog with my thoughts

Edit: finally coming back to expand

I don't have a ton to say on this post, but some things that stick out to me, and resonate with me. Even without having come out to any leaders myself yet.

The same leaders who questioned if the person was telling the truth, are the ones that left the person feeling poorly about everything. It's not the only similarity of course, but it struck a chord with me as when I came out to my parents, at first they didn't believe me, and that hurt almost more than anything that's happened since. To have found the courage to share something so incredibly personal and sacred to me, only to be told I don't know what I'm talking about, was following a fad, or whatever else. It hurt, it felt like I wasn't being respected, and I certainly wasn't feeling loved. With my parents, rather than them asking questions to get to know me and my situation better, they assumed and jumped to conclusions, and we all walked away feeling worse for it.

The comments about not needing the doctrine repeated to us really hit hard for me. For those that don't know, I have gone to serve a full-time mission, I was actually part of the first group of missionaries to be sent home early due to COVID. I witnessed a lot on my mission, and even got to take part in a few new members joining the local wards, both baptisms and confirmations. For the first, eh I'd say 6-7 months, that I was really questioning, "am I really trans?" I was a nervous wreck. I had little to no appetite, was frantically studying everything I could about the gospel, trying to find some indication that everything would be ok, that I wouldn't have to worry. I read the Family a few times, read the section of the church handbook on being trans, and even went back and read through various talks on the subject. So when time and again I hear someone try to mention the Family Proclamation, I'll admit I'm starting to get a little calloused towards it, even with my own interpretation of "the gender line" in it. So many people assume that being any part of the LGBTQ community means that you've "lost your way" and just need to study the scriptures more. In my eyes, it's not studying more that's the answer, it's studying the correct way.

There's a lot that's going to have to change in the church before all it's problems are solved, and despite certain apostles saying things like "the doctrine never changes", we already know that isn't true. I'm not going to go in depth on it here as it's not my intention for my blog, but there are a lot of cases of something being taught widespread within the church, only to go back later and be adjusted or changed. God's truth is eternal, and is unchanging. However, His truth is to love thy neighbor, to serve those around you, to be a kind, loving, and generous person. I'll tell you right now, I have never met more kind, loving, or generous people, than I have in the LGBTQ community. Nearly every online space I've joined, I've been met with near instant love, acceptance, and a sense of belonging, always being treated like a long lost sibling.

So to those of you out there that are part of those spaces, and even this space on tumblr. I love y'all, thank you for, (in some cases literally), saving my life! <3

[tessas-testimonies]

I went to church today with my family. And while listening to the talks and the primary children's musical numbers, I was reading the LDS Church's "YA Weekly" thing and there was a segment on the various titles of Christ, and while I've been hanging around today waiting to leave to a family party. I've been thinking, while His main titles like Prince of Peace and Lord of Lords are valid and important, to me I feel they make Him seem like this untouchable, impersonal, incomprehensible being.

I personally find a lot of comfort in 2 of His more average titles.

Friend and Elder Brother.

To me, imagining the Savior as a friend or older brother makes it so much easier to feel his love. I imagine meeting Him at the gates to heaven, and he greets me with a, "Hey little sis! You did so good, I'm proud of you!" As he gives me a big hug welcoming me in. We chat about my life, sure he already knows it all, but there's some comfort and closure to talking about it with him. He's loving, caring, kind.

Yes, there is absolutely a time and place to show deference and respect, but that also means there's a time and place to be a little less formal. And a little more like family.

I personally find a lot more comfort that way.

[tessas-testimonies]

I want to add some of my own thoughts to OP. I used to feel a strange disconnect from my patriarchal blessing. Everyone told me it was meant to be a roadmap for my life, but every time I read it it felt so hollow. So much of it was so generic. I didn't feel it really had much to offer. Eventually I developed depression and anxiety, and I started to be anxious whenever I read my blessing. "What if I'm not doing it right", and "What if I'm ruining God's plan for me" plagued and still plague my mind daily.

As with seemingly so much else in my life, being trans seemed to be the key. I have a friend who said she'd mentally read her patriarchal blessing with the correct gendered terms, and found it to be a lot more impactful.

So I tried the same thing, and suddenly my blessing came to life, I suddenly had a huge desire to fulfill the promises in my blessing. It finally felt like it was mine.

From Patriarchs to Stake Presidents, newly ordained Elders to the Apostles, it's rare for anyone to be given exactly what they need to say, it's usually a blueprint and that person can interpret their impressions as they feel is best, but that doesn't always mean it will perfectly match God's messages to us. Humans are flawed beings after all. I mean heck, if you study church history you'll see very quickly that men like Brigham Young were problematic for a number of reasons.

To me though, that doesn't discredit his calling as a prophet, or any other men called to serve the people of Zion. All it means is that like all of us, they were flawed people, living an experience. It doesn't make their poor decisions and harmful actions any less so. But it does help to remember that their choices are not a perfect representation of God's will for us.

Sometimes it takes us doing our own searching, our own interpreting of our impressions, to find the truth God wants us to see.

Even if that's something as simple and small as re-gendering a blessing in your mind. <3

I knew it was gonna happen anyway, but I still had hope. I clung onto the “What if?” I thought that because the patriarch forgot that my parents told him I was a girl at the end of our pre-blessing meet up session that I wouldn't get misgendered in my blessing. but then I found out I couldn’t be alone during my blessing because his wife wasn’t going to be there. This meant I would need one of my parents in the room. Even when I told my parents I wanted to do this alone they still didn’t take my wish seriously.

So when the time came, my parents had made sure he wouldn’t forget this time. And my dad got to sit there and listen to the blessing. The blessing I have dedicated myself to for the past month and a half. I tried so hard to make sure I could feel the spirit today. I fasted, I prayed, I read my scriptures, ect. I felt good, hungry from fasting, but good. I had new dress shoes on, new dress pants and socks, and a nice button up and belt. I felt euphoric all day because of this. And there was a powerful spirit in the room. I could feel it and it was truly amazing, but each time he would misgender me it felt like getting stabbed in the chest.

The mental battle to focus on the meaning of his words instead of the face front value, to remind myself that god knows me and wouldn’t call me that, that what the patriarch is saying is just his own personal interpretation of god's words. Trying to remind myself of those things was draining. And it made me frustrated and upset that I let myself get so hopeful. I wish I waited til college where I could’ve gotten to actually be alone, yet at the same time I know there was a reason I got the blessing at this point in my life. That this pain had a purpose. The only way I can explain how I know this, is that I know God knows I’m trans and understands what it feels like to be in my shoes.

All these mixed feelings of spiritual uplift and gender dysphoria left me silent. I had some time to think. In the silence I thought about the future, about when trans people are finally accepted into the church. How when that day comes, difficulties such as getting baptized in a dress as a boy won’t be an issue. Or getting misgendered in your patriarchal blessing could be adjusted later. Or trans people could pass out the sacrament, visit temples, get sealed in temples. I looked for ways the church could expand its ideals to be more accommodating. I did this because it helped remind me that I am simply working with what I’ve been given. I am on my own with this in my personal life. I have had no representation to look toward in this. Its always been a leap of faith. So I hope my experience has helped other trans people in the church and I hope my experience has opened the eyes of cis members in the church.

[tessas-testimonies]

While my blog is going to primarily be my own thoughts and feelings, Erran is very much worth reblogging.

But I'll share some thoughts of my own anyway.

THIS is how you show Christlike love. This is serving as the Savior would. With queer people, there is no "loving the sinner, hating the sin". Being queer isn't a sin, it's part of who we are. These Brethren truly understand the gospel. And I'd encourage anyone who sees my blog to be more like them. Love harder, love truer, love MORE.

The world can always use more love.

Trans Masc Outreach

One of the sisters in Relief Society told a story about a young trans man who didn't feel like he fit in with his local Elders' Quorum (a men's group in the LDS church). The Elders talked about it and decided to do an activity at his house to help this trans guy feel more like he was part of the group.

Apparently, they showed up unannounced/unplanned (welcome to irl gender affirmation? lol) with brownie mixes. Completely unable to put together a recipe, they quadrupled the amount of butter and so on, causing hilarity to ensue.

Turns out our trans man loves to bake and taught them all about it and they ate it up sorry. The activity was a success!