thataldiho

[thataldiho]

Cries because she wants to binge.

Cries because she doesn’t want to binge.

All in 5 minutes.

Everything is fine.

[thataldiho]

Parents whenever I’m talking about taking on a responsibility: “oh you have plenty enough going on right now”

WTF do I have going on?!

[thataldiho]

I feel sad because I ate. I ate because I’m sad.

[thataldiho]

No matter how much I lose, I’ll never get below a medium. These stores that cater to small breasts. A petite that can’t buy petite. That breast augmentation is looking real good.

[thataldiho]

I can’t get out of this damn plateau! “We’ll it’s probably your comfort zone” FAT PROPAGANDA!

[thataldiho]

Still friends with ex that I was with for 5 years. I just had a second family member pass, just 2-3 weeks after the first. I was not in a great place and he annoyed me about something because I knew he would complain about it later. Good thing this was Discord and not gave to face. I let it show a bit too much. I messaged him a few days later, apologizing if I was bitchy. Apparently I was and he wanted an explanation. Besides my bipolar, WHAT DO YOU THINK HAPPENED?! I was up and down for days after the second death and I told him as much. He hasn’t had anything to do with me since.

You’d think after 5+ years he’d know me a bit more.

[thataldiho]

In the past 72 hrs I have:

Dove headfirst into renovating my bathroom with barely any plans

Insisted on finishing it in a weekend (and failed)

Slept a total of 10ish hours

Dissociatively walked around my house for 5+ hours

Ate a whole pizza

Almost got into an accident because I was so zoned out

Didn’t take any of my meds

The result for this morning: I’m tired, cranky, sore, and manic af.

[thataldiho]

[thataldiho]

What the fuck kind of psych ghosts his patient for two weeks when they’ve been told they don’t have their meds?!

[thataldiho]

I don’t know if I’m a binger or a boredom eater anymore. Fuck it’s probably both isn’t it.

[thataldiho]

I don’t feel like I can tell my sisters or mom about my weight progress. I want to complain about how my clothes don’t fit me. I want to share the excitement that I can finally fit in the jeans I bought over a year ago. Why am I feeling guilty for losing weight…

[thataldiho]

My heart! 💔

May broke up with He Zhiwu on this day 18 years ago

Chungking Express (1994), dir. by Wong Kar Wai

[thataldiho]

I went overboard on flavored almonds last night… Thankfully I didn’t eat the entire package because 740 calories?!

[thataldiho]

I gained weight.

I started eating more because I was constantly tired, weak, and foggy. My night binging came when I did. Time to go back to the strict planned diet.

[thataldiho]

I’ve actually gotten to the point that I don’t care about food.

I eat when I feel weak or that I should eat. Whenever I’ve done a low carb diet, I always crave things like McDonalds and their fries. But I haven’t had fast food since I moved because I just don’t want to go out. I cheated tonight because I was upset that I didn’t lose anything this week and I thought it would make me happy. Was a favorite food after all. But it was nothing but a means to satisfy hunger.

Yay me?

[thataldiho]

WHY THE FUCK DID I NOT LOSE ANY WEIGHT THIS WEEK?!

[thataldiho]

I shrank my perfectly fitting sweatpants and now the fat just spills over….I want to die.