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thatbtssong · 2 months ago

Text

Run for the hills

pairing: idol!Jeongguk x idol!reader

sumary: You found peace and war in his arms without know when it’s gonna kill one of you.

warnings: english isnt my first language and this is the first thing I write full english and this long! so sorry the typos. Sex but sad idk. Toxic relationship but it not a relationship. They’re idiots srsly. I was listening a Tate McRae song two days ago and this came to life! idk srsly is the most quickly Id ever wrote SO SORRY. NOTES IN THE END.

words: 2,417

There's proof that you are in the same hotel room again: your jacket is on the couch next to the windom, your dress is on the floor and your heel is on the edge of the bed, again.

His arms are around your legs while he’s eating you, kneeling in front of you, hoping you can feel how devoted he is to you. Just the way you like, like no one else could. Jeongguk knows your favorite spots as if it were a map where he can’t get lost because he paved the way. His tongue is doing circles in your clit while sucking it, his long fingers are tempting your entrance, making you so desperate. When he puts just one finger inside you, you let out a breathy moan, letting him know that you are so full now. He smiles and you give him a soft caress in his cheek.

Outside, the weather is cold enough to freeze the pavement, but inside that hotel room, it burns like hell itself.

Jeongguk and you were teenegers when you met on a music program where you were a host with him; Since you were the same age, coexistence on the set was easy for both of you: laugh at the same silly jokes that were trending on the internet on those moment, the same taste in music, even the same to-go drink at the cafeteria. Yeah, you were kids, but you are pretty sure that the moment you heard him laugh for that bad joke you told him —and no one else had laughed— you knew he had ruined you for someone else.

And twelve years later, you are still here. And, in some abstract way, he is too. After so many dates with different people, fights, nights when you sleep crying, thousands of texts when he is overseas because, you know it’s easy for him to beg you when he is so far away so you can receive him with your arms open, so many jealous scenes, you lost the count of how many date rumors they have invented because, you are not sure if you can confirm that in the past twelve years you were more than just friends who fuck.

The result of your chemistry was chaos, fires in every step both of you take to run for the hills.

Nine months had passed since the last time you saw him. Nine months since you saw that message shining in his lockscreen. Can’t wait to see you, i miss u. You know you didn’t have the right to get mad and scream the hell out of him, but those were your words, the same words you wrote to him when the things between both of you feels like jumping on a cloud. Those were the same damn words he wrote to you so you can come over to his department that night.

The same routine for almost a decade was making you feel sick, tired of the same vicious circle thta you couldn’t get out of there. Maybe you didn’t want to, neither did him. Not until that night when you blocked his number –it was not the first time tho– and moved to your brother’s newlywed house for a while so he couldn't find you. Fuck, being on your older brother’s new house mades you nauseous: one of your dreams was to get married at thirty but you were fucking an idiot. And there were two years left for that dream to be broken.

So nine months later, on December 10, a bouquet of beautiful flowers was waiting for you in your company’s training room. Wild pale pink flowers, wheat stalks and, of course, vibrant orange tiger lilies. You didn’t have to ask who had sent them, only one person in this whole world knew what your favorite flowers were. He tattooed them on his forearm. He told the media a story about why he got them: but you know the truth, you were there holding his hand. Laughing with him so he could endure the pain. Kissing his lips when the needle was feeling a little too rough. He said to you that he was gonna feel you close when you were apart but, did he really mean it? You were not sure about that, not even a little when one month later he fucks that rookie girl with the bob haircut.

The bouquet brought a note, with your empty look, you looked at it for a couple of seconds before having the courage to take it and read it.

“Congratulations for the success of my album! This milestone is because of you. Happy birthday, sunshine.

—jjk”

The note slipped from your fingers after reading it, you start to feel dizzy so you run to the bathroom before your legs give up.

Golden, his new solo album came out almost a month ago, you knew it because it was everywhere, but you don’t have the guts to listen to it or even watch a music video. You didn’t want to hear his sweet voice or see his handsome face. You were willing to move on, to close this bittersweet chapter of your life. Loving him started to taste like hate and you didn’t want to do it, even if it was what you needed to get over him.

But, as if he could feel it, he rocks your world again. Collapsing the walls you were started to build with your blood, sweat and tears.

That day, when you were supposed to celebrate your birthday, you spent your evening listening to every word he sang on that damn album, hearing how bad he wants to hate you and how he would be standing in the fire next to you. And of course, how he wants to fuck you seven days a week because, maybe thats why you were still seeing each other: because the sex was so fucking spectacular. The first time both of you had sex, was together, at eighteen; as the years went by, you explored your bodies and discovered what and how you like it. And of course there's a but, because you were not the only girl on his bed and discovered it was also how you knew that maybe, loving him was not the fairytale you were writing on your head.

You finished your birthday later that night in your bed with him on it, after dinner with your friends who hate him. The both of you were crying because of how much you missed each other and you told him how toxic this thing among you is and he accepted it and after that he made love to you while you were saying sweet words to each other. Deep down inside you, you knew that maybe the next week you would fight again and the circle would start its cycle again.

And you were right, but the circle starts again two weeks after and that's how you end up straight back to war in this room that feels hot as hell again.

“More, please, more” you cry, begging him to not separate his mouth from your nipple.

“I know you like that, baby” He sucks it while he circles on it with his tongue. You are sure you can see stars right now by the way he is sucking your favorite spots. A loud moan strangles your throat, motivating him to do it again. “I want to fuck you every day, for the rest of my life.”

Your heart aches, not with joy, it is pain that overwhelms it because you know it's not gonna happen. The lust of the moment is clouding his mind, he said things like that everytime he is fucking you and makes you wonder if he told the same to other girls. He makes you feel so good but also so gloomy.

He inserts two fingers on you while he is still sucking your tit so you don’t notice it until your pussy starts pulsing. He knows that you like when he curls his fingers inside you and that you love it when he adds another one. You feel how he is caressing your walls, scissoring with his fingers. He is looking at you with his eyes full of stars but at the same time you can find anything there, they are like two blackholes where you can get lost. The touch of his fingertips feels like silk but they hurt you.

You miss when you didn’t doubt his caress. When his kisses felt real and his words tasted like true.

Jeongguk starts kissing your neck, you could feel tiny bites between kisses, he likes to leave you little reminders that he is still there. Your fingers get lost on his black hair until his kisses reach your lips, your caresses travel the skin of the back of his neck and his shoulders. His skin is so soft, you love the little moles scattered over his arms and back, finding new ones is a challenge you love to do.

“I’m gonna fucks you so well, my love,” he whisper in your ear before entering you. At the start he was over you, with his forehead on yours, taking your hips with his big and soft and masculine hands that you love so much. You were feel like crying because: why this can’t be more than something that’s fucking you up? And then, he lies down guiding you to get on top of him. A guttural moan from both of you resonates in the bedroom, you love being on top because you love how powerful you feel, like if you can control what happens when both of you leave the room, and he loves having you there because you look amazing above him. Also, the way you move your hips drives him insane.

Your tits are bouncing while you move in circles with the help of his hands on your hips. He is so close to the edge so you do. Both of you know that you are not synchronized like that with other people; that even if in the morning it feels like a war field wherever you are near, at night it could feel like Heaven, filled with laughs and love.

Even if you are not sure what this thing between you is, you know that is an inexplicable feeling, it’s a thing that none of you could find somewhere else. It’s love, it’s understanding, it’s sympathy, desire. It’s everything someone can look forward to in a relationship. Even if it is with the wrong person.

You can’t understand what is missing in your chemistry, the missing element to make you work.

Jeongguk comes aggressively all over your stomach while your juices slide over his thighs, your ragged breaths are mixed with the background song. Connexion by Zayn Malik, it was your playlist. It will be another song that will remind you of him.

With the night lights behind you and the smell of the uncertainty, he puts his head on your chest, enjoying the uncontrollable sound of your heart.

This is not healthy but you can’t get enough. Maybe the danger is covered by the love you know that exists in this war. None of you is gonna win it, maybe no one will come out alive.

“Jeongguk?” He hums in response. “Did you see a future between us?”

“Babe, we are our past, present and future. You are everything I want to know.”

In another time, that answer could blow up your heart but, right now, your eyes are shining with tears.

“But, you see a future where I am…” you doubted before speaking again, “where we live together and let everyone know that…I don’t know, about to get married.” A graceless laugh comes out of your throat. After all these years, you are not sure if you still want this with him.

When you talked about having a relationship and let the world know about it, you knew what could go wrong. The problems with the companys, a lot of people talking shit, dead threats, fans making big scandals, boycotting the groups you are part of; none of you want to damage your members. Eventually, a relationship stopped being a topic, even if you dream of having a label with him. To tell your friends and family that he is your boyfriend, matching clothes, celebrate anniversaries, planning a goal for the future.

At first, having his attention was okay. You were obsessed with him and you know he was too. But now? You don’t even know what he wants from you.

He sighs before answering.

“You look so beautiful in white.”

A broken moan slips from your trembling lips. You are used to his vague answers.

“Jeongguk, I’m so fucking tired of this.” He tenses, maybe because he knows the lead this conversation could take. “I want to get married and have kids and all that sappy shit.” You can’t stop the tears from escaping.

The kisses that minutes ago tasted like a goodbye. Maybe they were tasting like that for years, but when that taste can kill you?

“I don’t want to lose you.” After a minute that feels like ten, that's everything he could say to you. He hugs you like if he’s scared you could disappear.

A bittersweet laugh resonates in the room at the same time, your heart breaks a little bit more. You don’t want that either but you are not sure of anything right now. You could feel his tears falling on your chest, making a way on your left boob before landing somewhere on your skin. You could feel everything he doesn’t want to tell you. You know he is not a bad boy. You know he is also scared. You know he loves you, too. But you are not sure if it’s enough to make you stay.

So after he falls asleep, you leave the bed, put your clothes back, take your things and leave the hotel room who is a witness of your empty promises, where you swear you would never see again. Tonight, you leave all your love behind when you close the door, hoping this is no longer an empty promise.

You experienced all your first time with him and this is another first time that he gave you: for the first time, you don’t look back, expecting a reaction from him.

The new beginnings could happen at three in the morning too.

soooo yeah, that was it? I want to know what you think pls!! Also Srsly I wrote better in spanish just lemme learn the grammar better😭

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