thatdizzyfeelingthough

[thatdizzyfeelingthough]

TW: ED and depression.

Hey guys, it's me, 6 years after making this post.

I'm 30 now (can't believe how fast time flies) and I just wanted to let y'all know, that after deciding to recover in 2020 and two small relapses in the very same year, I never fully relapsed again.

You could say I'm very much recovered now.

Do I still have ED urges and thoughts from time to time? Absolutely I do. But with excessive therapy and lots of ups and downs I've managed to beat them every single time so far and it's gotten easier and easier over time.

But it's not all positive, sadly. In 2021 I was diagnosed with severe depression due to some very exhausting and sad events that happened during that time. In 2022 I even had to go inpatient for a few weeks.

Still, there's hope. Because even after what I can only describe as the night of my life, I beat that depression, too.

I'm still recovering from that one, though. Still on medication (Bupropion saved my life, y'all). Still trying to find my place in this world.

There's lots of small and big joys in my life that keep me going: My amazing partner, for example, or our two cats, or my writing.

After years of being a ghost in my own life, I've started to dream again and have plans for my future.

I'm not sure if anyone here will read this, but I just had this urge to let the world know what happened to the person that made this post.

I'm still here. :) There was a time where I hated that, but now I'm so f****** thankful for it.

As the saying goes: Choose recovery. And again, and again, and again.

Having an ED in your twenties and older is just bitter. You feel like you should have your life together already but instead you ruin yourself step by step. And while others enjoy their relationships, their freedom, uni, work, even becoming parents, you merely function, stumbling through life with nothing but calories and fear in your head.

[thatdizzyfeelingthough]

no such thing as wasting your 20s your 20s are for recovering from whatever the fuck happened to you as a kid so that youre ready to get weird with it in your 30s

[thatdizzyfeelingthough]

Just an experiment. Reblog if you actually give a fuck about male victims of domestic violence and rape.

Of fucking course

What sick bastard doesn’t

[thatdizzyfeelingthough]

and if you turn to ur left you’ll see the emos

[thatdizzyfeelingthough]

Hey guys, this is my first post in quite a while.

To whomever ist actively following me:

I hope that you will recover, I'm sure that you can.

It sure as hell is hard, even for me, after being in recovery for quite a while now.

I have an idea for a project that I want to call 'faces of recovery' or something along the lines. It's quite simple - pictures of my face, because when we're sick we tend to focus only on our bodies. When I began to recover I started to take pictures of my face instead, just blankly staring at the camera, to remember what I looked like.

Would that be something that you'd be interested in? Just random face pics of a random woman, no thinspo or some sh*t like that.

[thatdizzyfeelingthough]

I may not have the best body but it sure does hold all my organs in place

[thatdizzyfeelingthough]

Just in case someone needs to hear this right now:

The extreme hunger goes away if you don’t fight it. The bloating and the cramps and the sweating go away.

Just fight through it.

There will be the day where your stomach doesn’t feel like a bottomless pit.

You won’t gain weight forever.

It already has slowed down in my case. And I’m not even close to being overweight, far from it.

I’m still at the very beginning of recovery but I already have so much more energy and joy.

I’m so glad I was brave enough to dare it.

I’m glad that I trusted my body during the phase of extreme hunger.

It will get better soon, I promise!

Now I’m ready for therapy :)

[thatdizzyfeelingthough]

I wonder if I’ll ever see a pic of me at my LW and feel the sadness I felt back then instead of pride.

[thatdizzyfeelingthough]

Btw

High restricting is still restricting.

Waiting ‘only a few more hours’ until you eat is still fasting.

Eating fear foods but hating yourself afterwards is still having fear foods.

Skipping a meal to ‘deserve’ another is still disordered.

Enjoying being hungry is, well, quite the opposite of the original intention behind hunger signals.

…

But even if I’m struggling with these things I’ll get there. I won’t let ED voice win.

[thatdizzyfeelingthough]

Sometimes you just have to let yourself feel those emotions. They are undeniable. They suck. But they are there. Just don’t let yourself indulge more than necessary. They are yours, but they are not you.

[thatdizzyfeelingthough]

Choose recovery,

Choose recovery again,

And again,

And again, and again, and again, and again.

[thatdizzyfeelingthough]

Little reminder

A daily reminder that you‘re allowed to eat, that you have to eat and that it‘s important to eat, even if you are at a „healthy“ weight or more. Eating enough and eating regularly isn‘t a privilege of underweight people or people at your „goalweight“. You don‘t have to justify yourself, not even at yourself. You are allowed to eat until your full and you are allowed to treat yourself beyond that point. Just cause you are not skinny doesn‘t mean that it isn‘t okay to eat treats or higher calorie choices.

Please keep in mind that it’s okay to eat and treat yourself - no matter at what weight you are.

[thatdizzyfeelingthough]

things you will experience if you keep doing your best

actually looking forward to things and having enough energy to do everything you want to do 

the fresh feeling after cleaning everything and throwing away things that were piling up since forever, including mentally

realising that you haven’t thought about someone for three days straight when you’ve been sad about them for a long time

making a new friend who genuinely likes talking to you after feeling like you don’t belong anywhere or you’re better off alone

making more time for people that really matter to you and actually love you unconditionally instead of endlessly wondering why some people left you or didn’t reciprocate

not placing your entire sense of worth on someone else because you feel happy and whole by yourself 

an outward change in appearance, almost a kind of glow because you’re radiating warmth and strength from inside

good grades, making huge improvements and achieving whatever goals you have in mind

feeling calmer and not relying on external validation because you see your own worth, trust yourself fully and can accept imperfection, laugh at your own embarrassing moments, encourage yourself when you’re down and quickly forgive your own mistakes 

gaining enough respect for yourself to treat yourself gently and not tolerating anyone who treats you badly

realising that you feel lighter inside and nothing is as much as a chore as it used to be

feeling yourself become less affected by small things that used to ruin your day

realising that you can make any changes in your life if you stopped discouraging yourself so much

realising you don’t need many superficial distractions anymore because you actually feel okay

[thatdizzyfeelingthough]

if you have ever suffered from…  

• depression 

• anxiety 

• eating disorder 

• self-harm

• ocd 

• bipolar 

• feelings of guilt and hopelessness 

• suicidal thoughts 

can you please reblog to show support for people who also suffer. you are not alone.

[thatdizzyfeelingthough]

Life 7 months in recovery

Hey Ana,

I'm greeting you like an old friend, but don't be fooled, I despise you.

Since I've left you behind, I got it all - love, friendship, adventures, fun, success.

But there hasn't been a day where I haven't missed you in one way or another.

How can I despise you and miss you at the same time?

You were terrorizing me, you were taking everything from me.

But you also gave me that fake sense of relief and control when nothing else could - nothing else can.

I'm still trying to figure out what can replace you. But maybe I shouldn't even look for it. Why would I replace someone who wants to kill me?

And maybe, just maybe, Ana,

I should learn to stop hating you -

and to forgive you.

I've still got a long way to go.

But I'm standing here and I'm living proof that life is so much greater and so much more beautiful without you.

That there IS even a life without you.

And it's worth fighting for.

Love, me

[thatdizzyfeelingthough]

Greta Thunberg’s full speech to world leaders at UN Climate Action Summit 

Swedish climate activist Greta Thunberg chastised world leaders Monday, Sep. 23, for failing younger generations by not taking sufficient steps to stop climate change.

“You have stolen my childhood and my dreams with your empty words,” Thunberg said at the United Nations Climate Action Summit in New York. “You’re failing us, but young people are starting to understand your betrayal. The eyes of all future generations are upon you. And if you choose to fail us, I say we will never forgive you,” she added.

Thunberg traveled to the U.S. by sailboat last month so she could appear at the summit. She and other youth activists led international climate strikes on Friday in an attempt to garner awareness ahead of the UN’s meeting of political and business leaders.

via:  PBS NewsHour

[thatdizzyfeelingthough]

Choose recovery,

Choose recovery again,

And again,

And again, and again, and again, and again.