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Jealous doggy

(via)

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hi im your cat do you mind if i touch your coffee. do you mind if i put my whole foot in your coffee

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when you tell a girl her outfit is really cute and she does a little pose thing then smiles, reblog if u agree

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tumblr is awesome because u get to hear all about the inner lives of random women

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Just tumblring the stress away

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Lady at the dog park: is your dog friendly?

Me: she’s emotionally needy, yet distant, and aloof

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me every day without fail: I'll do [chore] when I get home

me when I get home:

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Maybe life is just standing around waiting for your brownies to bake

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I feel like we have reached a point where we need to clear some things up. Too often I see men on here cosplaying as a DILF, or women who call any man over the age of 27 a DILF. This is true DILF erasure. A true DILF should check all or most of the following boxes:

Have kids, I mean come on.. DAD I'd like to...

Has a wide selection of Gerry clothing (shorts, hoodies, maybe a t-shirt) that he purchased at Costco. Other Costco clothing items are acceptable, but he needs to cruise the clothing stacks and say, "$12 for this hoodie, I think I need it in multiple colors"

For you younger folks, he should have at least one item of clothing that is older than you

has no shame about wearing Crocs, or the latest kicks from the New Balance Grillmaster series (what're those!!)

has hair growing in weird places. Fellas, real talk for a second, buy some tweezers, and clippers, and USE THEM. Ear hair worked for Gandalf but he's a wizard, you are not

has a bit of a belly that no matter what he does anymore will not go away

dad jokes, this one is non-negotiable

could unironically call you Kiddo and you would swoon a bit

snaps his fingers, or whistles, could be to music playing or music in his head

can do (at least) minor home repairs, also non-negotiable. No screwing if he can't use a screwdriver.

gets a little emotional and maybe sings along when Wish You Were Here plays, also acceptable if he sings along to Brown Eyed Girl (at the very least the chorus)

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based da vinkis per usual

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goomba

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yeah we’re like best friends. i like her posts all the time

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tumblr should have a little clippy guy, a tumblrweed or something, that pops up and says "hey it looks like you posted this exact joke 15 months ago, are you sure you want to do yhis"

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“Covid game me narcolepsy” no you fucking pervert it didn’t. You’re just a weirdo with a gross fetish. Covid didn’t make you suddenly want to fuck dead people. Keep that shit to yourself you gods damned weirdo

I have type 2 Narcolepsy. Studies have shown that serious viral infections can cause people to develop Narcolepsy if they are already genetically susceptible to having it. This includes covid. That is what happened to me.

You on the other hand might want to google the difference between Narcolepsy and Necrophilia….

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Guys (non-gendered) sometimes I scroll my queue and get excited because there are so many good posts. I can’t wait for them to post.