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[the-silmarillion-for-dummies]

Beginning of The Battle of Sudden Flame

Morgoth: *secretly prepares his armies to attack Beleriand for six generations worth of humans* These Elves are gonna get so wrecked. Sauron: They’re working with the Men now. Morgoth: You mean the fleshy things that die because they’re old? rite. I’m so scared. Morgoth: *floods the wide plain of Arg-galen with rivers of fire, destroying hill-forts of the Noldor, camps of Hithlum horsemen, and everything in between. The Mountains of Iron explode with fire* Bullseye Morgoth: *Ard-galen is destroyed and left a lifeless, barren plain and renamed Anfauglith - “The Gasping dust”* Morgoth: Alright. Let’s break out of this siege.*Leads the armies with Galurung the Golden (father of dragons), followed by Balrogs and then the black armies of the Orcs* Elves: ... oh shit. Morgoth’s Army: *assaults the Noldor fortresses and slaughters whatever they come across, freeing Angband from a siege*

[the-silmarillion-for-dummies]

Separating Elves and Men + Family Trees

Elven Kings: *come to his decision that elves and men dwelling together isn’t the best, so they divide up land so that men can lead their own houses. While allies in war, they march under their own banners. Many young men entered service to hosts of the kings.*

Hador Lórindol, son of Hathol, son of Magor, son of Malach Aradan

Hador joined the host of Fingolfin in his youth. Fingolfin gives Hador lordship over Dor-Lómin. The house of Hador spoke primarily in the Elven-tongue, but their own speech was not forgotten. This birthed the common tongue of  Númenor.

In Dorthonion, lordship of the people of Bëor in Ladros was given to Boromir. Boromir was son of Boron, who was the grandson of Bëor the Old.

(These family trees are not complete, obviously. They do overlap, but I will save that for the full family trees. This is just the mentioned family members of chapter 17.)

[the-silmarillion-for-dummies]

The People of Haleth

Haleth: *wandering around, too proud to quit. Gets her people to the land between the Mountains of Terror/Ered Gorgoth and the Girdle of Melian, losing many lives in the perilous process* Haleth: *never weds or has children, passes the headship to Haldar’s son, Haldan* Haleth: Hey guys, so I really just want to keep adventuring, I don’t think settling anywhere is a good idea, so whoever wants to keep going, come with me! People of Haleth: *some decide to stay but those that love her wish to go with her wherever that leads* Haleth: *leads them to the Forest of Brethil, claimed by King Thingol* Finrod: Hey, Thingol, my friend, my pal. So this group of Men have been travelling since Caranthir’s land and I think they could use a hand. Can they chill in Brethil? Thingol: Lmao let me think, no????? Finrod: Come on, man. It’ll be fine. Thingol: ... Okay. But they have to guard the Crossings of Teiglin against all our enemies because if Orcs get in those woods, I’m gonna be so angry. Finrod: You’re the best. Finrod: Hey, Haleth. Thingol said you can stay in Brethil if you guard the Crossings of Teiglin from Orcs and stuff. Haleth: ... my family was eaten by Orcs, dude. If he thinks I’m going to forge an alliance with them, then you guys are weirder than I thought. Finrod: ... so it’s a deal then, right?

[the-silmarillion-for-dummies]

Here I am.

I return, having barely survived the last couple months. But here I am, nonetheless! Stocking up the queue for a week, hopefully we can push it to two. Thanks for being so patient, folks! We still have a lot more lore to go, so don’t give up on us just yet. The Silmarillion for Dummies shall commence updates on Monday!

In my final, desperate plea for you to stay tuned, I offer this gif.

[the-silmarillion-for-dummies]

Haleth & Caranthir

Haldad: *out fighting the orcs* Haldar¹: *fighting them also* Haleth²: *WRECKING the orcs* Haldad: Oh, shit we’re getting overrun - Orc: *SLAYS HALDAD* Haldar: No! *runs out to save dad’s body* Orc: *slays Haldar right after* Haleth: ... shit. Haladin: *panic and freaking out* Haleth: ... okay folks, keep it together. We can do this. Caranthir: *shows up with his band of merry elves to wreck some orc ass* Orcs: *thoroughly defeated* Caranthir: Haladin, especially you, Haleth. You all can come join my sweet kingdom if you go north. I’ll rule you all and it’ll be chill. You guys aren’t half bad. Haleth: ... thanks for the offer, but we’re good. We’re gonna go off and mess this guy up on our own. Caranthir: ... wow whatever, fuck me for being nice, huh. Haleth: Sorry? Caranthir: No, it’s cool. Good luck, hope you all don’t get fucked and all that. Not like you need our help or anything. Nah, you guys got it. Haleth: ... now you’re just being a dick. Caranthir: Whatever man, it’s all water under the cold, dead bridge now. Haleth: .... .... ... you going to be okay? Caranthir: Okay you can leave now get the fuck out of Thargelion. Haleth: ... okay, peace. ( Haldar¹ is Haldad’s son, twin to Haleth Haleth² is Haldad’s daughter, twin to Haldar)

[the-silmarillion-for-dummies]

The Haladin

Haladin: *the group of humans hanging out in Thargelion, Caranthir’s land* Haldad: So, as humans, we are totally not united at all. Everyone is doing their own thing - and that’s cool, that’s jive - but I think we should stick together a bit better, just in case some bad stuff happens. It would be nice if we had a back up plan. Haladin: ... well, we can work on it I guess. Slow and steady right. Haldad: ... sure, cool. Take your time. Morgoth: I try to sew in some seeds of distrust and hate and what do they do? Nothing. Elves and Men are awful. Sauron: Okay, so what do we do now? Morgoth: I want to kill things. Get the orcs. Orcs: *war party time in Thargelion* Haldad: *finally unifies all the men EVENTUALLY as the orcs attack and builds a nice place to hide all the children and women in the furthest corner possible* Well. This could have gone better.

[the-silmarillion-for-dummies]

Amlach’s Burden

Bereg: So, Amlach, about that thing you said at the meeting ... Amlach: What thing? I wasn’t there. Marach: ... but ... Elves: lmao Morgoth got you good. Bereg: ???? Eleves: Yeah his spies are everywhere so, uh, good luck. Amlach: ... it’s personal between he and I now. Bereg: Okay, well, we’re going to go south, so ... uh. Yeah. Amlach: I will go north. Goodbye, Bereg and Marach. Bereg: Later. *down south to sing and be merry kind of* Amlach: *goes north to enter the service of Maedhros*

[the-silmarillion-for-dummies]

Morgoth & Men

Bereg: (Of House Bëor) So we know that this is not the land of light we were looking for ... Marach: (Son of Malach) Yeah, that place is across the sea, and we can’t get there. Amlach: (Son of Imlach) So what do we do? Bereg: These elf guys are still kind of creepy and weird though, let’s be real. Morgoth: Hello, hi, you want to see the fancy light place across the sea? I’m a mighty powerful super Valar and I can totes get you there. Just give me a hand. Scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours. Marach: .... um. Bereg: .... uuuh ... Morgoth: Think it over, guys. No need to rush. Bereg: *calls a meeting for the men* Okay guys, I heard from the elves that this "Dark King” guy is kind of evil and we should not associate with him. Marach: Yeah, and, like, the elves keep fighting him and he keeps saying to go north, but that seems like a bad idea. Bereg: Our lives are short enough, ok. The elves can take this dark dude we can just go ... idk anywhere else. “Amlach”: The elves are just talking shit because they are trying to scare you n00bs. The gods are greedy and the elves are liars. Morgoth is obv the only way to go. Men: *sit and consider this hm* “Amlach”: Plus he’s totally rad.

[the-silmarillion-for-dummies]

Thingol & Men

Thingol: I don’t like these men. Finrod: Come on, dude, they’re pretty cool! Thingol: Nope, I’ve had bad dreams about them. They’re awful. Trust me. Finrod: How could you dream about them if they just got here. That’s silly. Thingol: Look, man, you’re my bro and stuff, but don’t let those gross things in my kingdom, alright? I don’t like them, even if they serve you. Melian: ... ... ... ... Finrod: ... ugh, whatever man. Afterwards ... Galadriel: Thingol doesn’t like humans does he. Melian: No. But one day, I foresee a man will enter the Girdle of Melian. I can’t and won’t stop him. Galadriel: Sent by doom, huh? Melian: ... sent by doom.

[the-silmarillion-for-dummies]

By the way,

Posting shall commence hopefully for the next two weeks, at least!

In other news, hello!

[the-silmarillion-for-dummies]

Sup, so, you know a lot about LOTR by chance? Cause I need to know... WHO IS SAURON IN RELATION TO MAIRON AND WHO IS MAIRON??? I've read that they're the same person but they seem like two different people so I don't know?!?!?! Do you know?

I do know! That is what The Silmarillion kind of talks about when discussing the hierarchy and blah, blah. I’ll lay this out in the simplest terms possible.So, first, there’s a bunch of god-like figures called “the Valar” in the LOTR lore. Aulë is one of them and he had a “Maiar” (i.e. a sub-god/a god-like follower) named Mairon.Mairon is Sauron. Mairon  is his name when he follows the “good” Valar. However, Melkor (also known as Morgoth) corrupted Mairon. Mairon’s name was later changed to Sauron.Sauron is his name when he follows the “bad” Valar.

The way he acts can definitely make him seem like two different people. But you have to look at it in the way that “Mairon” is pure and untouched by evil. All he knows is good. When Morgoth introduces him to evil, it’s like an entire new world opened up for him and he liked that more than being the pure, innocent cinnamon bun he was once.I hope this makes sense!Edit: Imagine the corruption something like this, except Morgoth actually sort of respects Sauron.

[the-silmarillion-for-dummies]

Elves & Men

Sindar and Noldor: *flocks of elves go to see the super cool new folks* Men: *equally enthralled with the existence of these elves* Finrod: *introduces everyone to one another* Fingolfin: *sends messengers out to the men* Tell them to come hang out here for a bit if they want. We could stand to have some new friends, you know. Malach: As the son of Marach, I accept King Fingolfin’s invitation. *takes a bunch of other people with him to work with/for the Kings of the Eldar and in Hithlum* Edain: *the rest of the Men gradually leave Estolad* Noldor: *send messages to the remaining Men* If you’re looking to keep moving west, then boy do we have the deal for you ... Men: Sold.

[the-silmarillion-for-dummies]

Marach’s Men

Marach: *leads a group of mighty and warlike folks over the mountains* Hey guys, I heard Bëor’s people are settled down in this place that’s nice. So we’re going to go there. Laiquendi: *don’t hinder the progress of Marach and his group because they’re strong and intimidating* Marach: *makes it to Estolad with his bros* Hey Baran, son of Bëor. What’s up dude. Baran: Oh nice, you made it. My dad ran off with an elf guy so here we are. We should be friends. Marach: Good plan. Let’s settle down a bit south of here so we’re not in your business. Baran: Dude, that’s so chill of you. Thanks bro. Marach: No prob bro. Finrod: *comes back to visit the men every so often and make sure they’re playing nice*

[the-silmarillion-for-dummies]

The Men Enter Thargelion

Haladin: *group of men travel to Beleriand* Haladin: Nice, this place looks pretty cool - Laiquendi: (aka the green-elves) Hey, you guys. Get out or we’re going to have to hit you with stuff. Haladin: *quickly depart and find Thargelion* Caranthir: What the fuck? Haladin: Hey there - can we, hang around here? The other elves totally chased us away. Caranthir: ... idgaf. Stay out of my sight and you can stay. Haladin: *rejoice and live in peace for a while*

[the-silmarillion-for-dummies]

Finrod & The Men (cont. 2)

Green-elf Messengers: Finrod, b r u h. Can you like, tell these humans to go do something else. We don’t want them in Ossiriand Finrod: What, why? Green-elf Messengers: idk they smell funny ok. Just get them out of here or we’re going to hit them with all we got. Finrod: Rude much? Green-elf Messengers: Finrod i s2g. Finrod: I’ll handle it. Jeeze. A little bit later … Finrod: Bëor and company! I have an idea. We should go over the river and head down to the Celon. It’ll be super cool. Bëor: Can we name the land when we get there???? Finrod: Uh …. sure. As long as no one else did. Finrod: *leads them on an adventure; takes them near the borders of Doriath* Bëor: We shall call it: the Encampment! Finrod: Estolad. Bëor: NICE THANKS. About a year later … Finrod: Alright cool, I need to go home though, no offense or anything. Bëor: Wait - no - let me go with you. Finrod: What, okay sure.  Bëor: *serves Finrod in Nargothrond*

[the-silmarillion-for-dummies]

Finrod & The Men

Finrod: So, you guys are new. What’s your story? Bëor: Well, it’s a long one! Finrod: I’ve literally got ages. Bëor: Alright, alright, since you asked so kindly ... once upon a time, under the rising of the sun, men were born in Hildórien. Finrod: And then? Bëor: ... that’s it. Finrod: What do you mean? Bëor: ... that’s it. We just happened. Finrod: ... Bëor: ... Finrod: ... That’s it? Bëor: Look, man, there was some dark stuff that happened a long time ago and we don’t like to think about it okay. We just want to go west and find the Light and be happy. Finrod: You want to talk about dark stuff - LOL. Bëor: What? Finrod: Nah, never mind you wouldn’t get it. Firstborn inside jokes. Bëor: What Finrod: ... nothing, nothing. Finrod: Are there more of you or ... Bëor: Oh yeah, totes. One group is called the Haladin, and they went on the eastern slopes and there’s another, huge group that was going west, too, but they slow af so we ditched them. Finrod: Huh. N i c e.

[the-silmarillion-for-dummies]

Just letting you know that you accidentally switched Finrod to Fingon in your Finrod Meets the Men post. You might want to edit that.

Eep! Thank you!