the-simple-diamond-gall

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—I had a weird dream last night —

It was about me watching YouTube (Markiplier to be exact) and he made this video called “Eating my Christmas tree”

The video started with a POV shot of Mark showing off the tree. There is no commentary, just the camera moving around to show the audience from a few different angles. It was a real wood tree with absolutely NO decorations, NO lights, no nothin’

The room that the tree was in was not decorated for the holidays either… in fact it had no furniture, or windows. There was only an unlit fireplace in the background.

So The video was only showing the small tree in this empty room.

anyway, Markiplier put the camera down and walked into view to stand beside this “Christmas tree”. The tree is about a foot taller than him. There is still no commentary.

—-

At this point in the dream, I’m thinking to myself that this is going to be one of those experimental videos, like his “meow” video, or that time he just admired a banana for ten minutes.

But, no.

—-

Mark just plucks one of the smaller branches off the tree and… well…

It started with a nibble…

Than a tiny nom

Than a bigger nom-nom

And a full on Chomp

The crunch-crunch sounds are quite noisy

It is obvious that he likes the taste of the tree, so he eats more… and more

He rips off one of the lower branches and eats it like corn-on-the-cob. Except it was not corn, and he ate the entire cob.

He shoves the smaller twigs in his mouth, devouring them like Chips and liking the small evergreen needles off his fingers like Cheeto dust

He continues to ravenously consume the tree piece by piece

This continues until the tree is almost bald, with only a couple of green branches left.

And only then, does the tree respond…

The tree is pleased

So while Mark is down on one knee with his head tilted sideways biting the trunk of the tree, trying to chew his way through it, the tree begins to grow a long vine out of its peak. At the end of this vine grows a large fruit that looked like a bushel of grapes that has all fused together into a single lumpy mass.

Mark looks upon the trees gift with reverence in his eyes.

—-

At this point in the dream I’m thinking to myself “since when do evergreen trees have fruit? Or vines? That’s not a pine cone. How unrealistic”

—-

As I watch him open his mouth to eat the fruit, I half expect his jaw to unhinge and swallow it whole. But that doesn’t happen, although he certainly tries to do just that. He only manages to take one large bite, splitting open the flesh of the lumpy fruit causing its purple juice to drip down his chin. He grabs the vine to pull the fruit closer and goes in for another bite and…

The video ends.

—-

Well that was weird…

Anyway, nothing else really happened in that dream, and I woke up not long after.

As someone who doesn’t have dreams very often, or just immediately forgets them within 5 minutes of waking up, I think it’s weird-as-all-heck that I still remember this one well into the afternoon.

Maybe science side of tumblr could explain. lol idk

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STOP

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Anyone else thinks after all that crap with Spinel, he makes one last broadcast saying “Listen, if ANYONE ELSE out there got a problem OR pERSONAL GRUDGE against my mom after all these years, can you PLEASE CALL ME FIRST??

Do Not Come To My House.

Thank you.”

[the-simple-diamond-gall]

“when connie is president what will that make me? first boy?”

honestly I think that might be my favorite (non-singing) line in all of steven universe because it makes my imagine the craziest/best presidential term in U.S. history.

“Mr. Universe, many republicans are claiming that your birth certificate was faked and that you are an illegal alien. What would you say to these allegations?”

“Well definitely not illegal, but I am an alien.”

“you were born outside of the country?”

“no, I was born here”

“then how are you an alien?”

“I mean a literal alien, from outer space. My mother and guardians are all aliens.”

“I’m sorry, what?”

“Well I’m half alien anyway. I thought we made that clear from early on in the campaign?”

(conspiracy theorists have a field day)

“Madam President, why is your husband carrying a huge crystal disc out onto the white house lawn?”

“oh, that’s a warp pad, It lets Gems travel around”

“Isn’t that a security issue?”

“Well only gems can use it, and the only gems on the planet right now are friendly”

(the secret service has their work cut out for them)

and then theres other things- like the time the president and her husband combined into one person at a state dinner. Or how the president is ridiculously badass with a sword. Or how the fist gentleman has five (or possibly six?) adoptive mothers. Or that time the president, her husband, and an insane eldritch monstrosity defended Washington DC from an alien spaceship. (approval ratings skyrocketed)

what I’m saying is: Take some time to imagine the shenanigans President Maheswaran would get up too. It will not disappoint.

[the-simple-diamond-gall]

@jbaxteranimator

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So THAT’S what she meant when she called Steven Starlight.

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Technically this Starlight IS pink and an ex dictator

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Sardonyx and Smoky Quartz remind us that all bodies, big and small, are capable of amazing things in this new Dove commercial!

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If anyone was curious to see the Steven Universe dove commercial.

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It’s so funny how all of the human characters in Steven Universe seem to be so chill about the fact that there are actual aliens just…living in an American town. Just hanging out, out in the open.

Why isn’t Beach City the biggest tourist attraction ever? Why aren’t governments making a big deal about this? Does anyone out of town even know about the gems?

Because if so, the existence of extraterrestrial life would be a significant thing that’d profoundly affect our culture, politics, religion, etc., but people seem to have no response beyond, “Oh yeah, the magical ladies and the half-human half-alien boy they’re raising are nice. Yeah, I guess we’re not alone in the universe or whatever. Anyway,”

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Steven and Bismuth reacting to Garnet splitting.

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Just a friendly remember to eat your flour today

Steven is all of us

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I really like that “Amethyst is the most mature Crystal Gem” and “Amethyst literally turned into a helicopter to escape from talking about her feelings” are both true statements.

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I can’t believe I’m going to say this, but I think you’re officially the most mature Crystal Gem.

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*rewatches Bubbled*

“look i can prove it, i have her rose quartz gem!”

“thats more of a pink-ish red then a real rose quartz red-ish pink.”

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WELL WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO THINK NOW, CREWNIVERSe

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so THAT’S where they keep getting new TVs from