the-skyromano-blog

[the-skyromano-blog]

True true

You are loved.

[the-skyromano-blog]

Chapter II

Henry just called me. He's coming over today with Luke. I told him over the phone today's my last day at the hospital and he seemed to be pretty excited about that. Definitely more than I am. I don't really know why I don't want to leave. I guess it might be because this has been a little get away from my normal life. Not the best get away, but I'm not going to complain. To be honest, there's nothing really wrong with my life. I've got a family, friends, a house, food- those kinds of things that priviledged people have and forget to be thankful for. Well, I'm thankful for them. Most of the time. Even though I love the people I have in my life, somtimes I just wish I didn't have anyone. To me, not having anyone means not having to please anyone, not interrupting people's lives with my problems and not hurting people with my "not that well thought actions". Yea, it'd probably get lonely, but I'm lonely anyway, aren't I? 

- I love you, Sky.

- I know mum. 

I really do. 

- Oh, okay. 

-Mum, you know I love you too.

She really doesn't. 

My dad's sitting on the chair beside my bed, quiet. He's always quiet. Not a man of many words. When he does speak it's usually something like a piece of advice or a prayer. Sometimes he tells jokes and funny stories from his past, but mostly prayers nowadays. My mum's the opposite. She never really stops talking. Specially on the phone. Collegues from work usually call her and they spend hours chatting. I'm happy she enjoys her job. She loves it more than anything in the world. She tells me she loves me all the time, and I know she does. The thing is, knowing is different from feeling. I love her more than I love myself. But well, that's not very hard. 

She doesn't really take care of herself, which is a shame as she used to be stunning as a young adult. She's not unatractive now, just a bit aged. Still beautiful to me. For a woman in her mid fifties, she's looking great. She'd look even better if she'd let me put some mascara and concealer on her. I wanna take care of her, but she just won't le me. My dad likes her "on the go" style. He describes it as natural and easy going.  He hates it when I wear makeup. He keeps saying I'm beautiful and don't need it. I've tried explaining about a million times and he just doesn't seem to understand that I do it for fun. Not going to lie though, I also think I look way better with makeup on. 

I'm not ugly nor beautiful. I would call myself a 5 out of 10. Just in the middle of the scale. Not pretty enough to be average, but also not ugly enough to be hideous. Just in the middle, that awful place where nobody wants to go or get to know.

-Hey Sky! How are you today?

- Oh, I'm good Henry, you ?

-I'm okay, thanks. You seemed pretty focused on your thoughts 

He laughs. I like his laugh. It reminds me a bit of Sponge Bob and that makes me smile. 

-What were you thinking about? 

- Nothing much. Just the stars. 

-Oh, c'mon. You always say that. I'm starting to think you're either lying or hiding a star fetish

I laugh. 

- Well, i garantee you that'd be way more interesting than what I was actually thinking about. 

-Uhm, okay. Well, Luke is going to be here any second. I'm going to the car to get the instruments, be right back.

- Okay. 

Luke's nice. I used to have a crush on him,  but now we're just good friends. His girlfriend is quite nice as well. I don't really understand why they're together, but who am I to decide who my friends should date? 

-Hey beautiful! I've missed you. 

I don't know why he calls me that.

-Hey Luke. You came to see me yesterday, remember?

-Yea, of course I remember. It's not like I've got Alzheimer's. 

I don't like those kind of jokes. 

-Yea... 

- Anyway, where's Henry? He told me he was going to be here. 

-Yea, he just went to the car to get some instruments. I think he might have brought his guitar again. 

-Yea, he might. We know music cheers you up. It's your favourite thing in the world isn't it?

-Yes, you know it is. 

I do really love music. It helps me calm down when I'm anxious or upset. I think I could say I'm addicted to music. I listen to it every second of free time I have. I just like to dive in all the emotions each song brings. It's absolute ecstasy, like the drug, which I've taken a couple times. It's rather hard to explain exactly how it feels. I'd say it's like pure and utter happiness. Like nothing I've ever felt before. The only problem with that is when you come down from that incredible high. You just feel absolutely destroyed by your reality. You want to feel that happiness forever, you don't want to be a part of the real world anymore. Well, at least that's how I feel. I'd much rather live in that happy, colourful world.

-Hey, I'm back. Oh, hi Luke!

-Hey Henry! I see you've brought your ukulele. Nice!

- Yea, I thought it'd cheer Sky up. What should I play?

- We don't believe what's on TV by twenty one pilots is a good one

- I know Sky, I love that song. Let's go for it.

We sing it. We really sing it. Like there's no tomorrow. That's our way of celebrating my last day here. The only thing I don't really get is why we're celebrating. Tomorrow, I leave my bubble and go live in the real world. Again. I'm better now, but I don't know if I can handle it. Maybe a few parties will help. We'll see.

[the-skyromano-blog]

the way i treat myself is nothing short of abuse i am my own worst enemy

a.m (via ashleymacleanblog)

True story bro

[the-skyromano-blog]

Chapter I

I've been in this hospital for a week now. They told me I needed to wait until all the pills  got flushed out of my system. I don't like it here... Well, at least my friends come visit me all the time. Luke and Henry have come visit me already. They come everyday. They're my best friends... I wish I hadn't hurt them like that. But what's done, is done.

I hate having to wear this hospital gawn. I miss wearing jeans and t shirts. Actually, I miss a lot of things. I miss the happy look in my family's eyes, I miss going to school, I miss walking back home everyday.... I miss all that, but it's all gone now, innit? It's all gone, and it's all my fault. I couldn't just have a miserable life, I had to make everybody else's miserable too. But I guess that's me: I destroy everything I touch. I mean, I'm not important enough to make everyone's life miserable, but I hurt them anyway.

My mum is devastated. She doesn't do much nowadays. Her life has basically stopped because of me. Well, it shouldn't have. She stays with me in my room every second of everyday. It's quite tiering, but I guess that's what I get for hurting her so much. Don't get me wrong, I love her to bits, but sometimes I just wish I could be alone, even if it's for just one second.

- Are you okay sweetie? You look a bit upset.

Im always a bit upset. I wish she'd get that.

- I'm okay mum. Just a bit tired, thats all.

-Oh, okay. Do you want me to go get your breakfast? It might be your last day here at the hospital.

-Really? I didn't know that! I can finally go home?!

I dont want to go home.

- Yea sweetie, you can go home. Okay, let me just get your father so I can go talk to the nurse.

My dad is waiting outside the room. I guess thats all he does nowadays. Wait. Wait until i get better, wait until we can go home, wait until his happy and joyful daughter comes back. Well dad, Im sorry to tell you, but she might not come back.

-Sky. I'm going to stay here with you until you mother somes back, okay?

-Okay, dad.

-Do you mind if I pray a little bit?

-No, dad, not at all.

I do mind, but if it makes him happy, I can bear it. I'm not religious at all, I've never really been into religious studies at school. My parents never made me pray or practice their beliefs. I'm thankful for that. They're still religious though. At least they aren't super catholic or something. Sorry if that offends you but I don't think they'd be so open minded with my lack of religion if they were .

My dad is a pretty nice guy. He always looks angry, but I guess that's just his face. Brown eyes, wide shoulders, big feet, that's him. He's overweight too. Those characteristics usually scare people. Specially my friends. He doesn't scare me anymore. He doesn't trust anybody. Well, maybe anybody but my mum. He doesn't trust me anymore.

I miss Jake. I wish he was here, but he has school. He's always so sweet to me and so understanding. He always has been. I guess he couldn't understand what I did this time. I hope I don't lose him. I wouldn't want to be alone in this world, more than I already am. Well, I just wish he comes visit me today. He hasn't come since it happened.

My mum brings me breakfast.

-Here you go, sweetie.

-Thanks mum.... You know I'm a vegetarian, right?

- Yes, I do. Why?

-You brought me eggs and sausages.

-Oh, sorry honey. I'll bring you something else.

-You don't have to. I'm not hungry.

I am actually starving. But I wouldn't mind losing a couple kilograms, so it's better if I don't eat. I know they won't notice. Nobody ever does. But again, that's me: invisible.

[the-skyromano-blog]

Introduction

FIVE:

    Everything goes black. How did I get here? I can't remember anything at all! It's so quiet.... I feel good. Really good.

FOUR:

    Why am I here anyway? There must be a reason... There's no one here but me. I'm alone, finally alone.

THREE:

    But what if I don't want to be alone? What if I already feel lonely? What do I do then? Do I look for somebody else? Do I cry?

TWO:

    No, I hate crying. Hold it in... C'mon. Okay, how do I get out? I wanna get out of here!

ONE:

    I hear something. Sirens, people screaming... I feel light headed. What's happening? What's wrong with me?!

BOOM.