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[the-u]

The Obsession of Never Receiving (2023)

About this work, I was inspired from Billie Eilish’s interview in Allure Magazine. She said, “women should know — you don’t have to be exceptional.  You can just be a person, and you should get awards for just being”. In my memories, I craved becoming a perfect or exceptional person, I was ashamed of my flaws, my looks, even my body shape. Gradually, I was imprisoned by the binary way of thinking where everything is black and white. Therefore, the‘Self-doubt and Self-acceptance’, all shaped me.

At first, I wanted to create my work in an all-black space and use light as the only source of light. However, since it was my first-time shooting video with Bolex, I was worried about the inevitable errors and ended up changing the location to a natural environment. In addition, I have prepared foundation, eyeshadow and lipstick as props for my shoot, which are smooth and flawless skin as the standard of femininity and beauty. On the other hand, I also made some Additive, I want to make look like blood.

Finally, this work is called “The Obsession of Never Receiving”, it shows my unspeakable traumatic experience, as well as the space of my own autonomous mind. My inner disgust and frustration of body imperfections, also the subtle aesthetics of such obsession.

[the-u]

Fuses – Carolee Schneemann (1967)

Details: 23 min, 16mm, color and silent video

The work from 1967 is filmed and edited by Carolee Schneemann, the main scene is record Schneemann having sex with her partner James Tenney. Also, her cat Kitch as an ‘objective’ observer, she is ignorant of human sexuality. Thus, sexual action as a subjective phenomenon to reproduce the whole visual experience, the logic of heteronormative and patriarchal structure is disrupted.

That sentiment reminded me of the film Window Water Baby Moving by Stan Brakhage, this work describes his wife giving birth, making man feel weird comfortable about delivery rooms, which caused by the male dominating. However, Schneemann tries to reclaim the female body from male gaze, no objectification or fetishization of the woman. In the Fuses, Schneemann through staining and directly drawing on the celluloid itself, to create the video conception. In particular, my favorite part is interweaving with that of landscape, visiting the beach and sunshine illuminating the room, everything is poetic. At that moment, I can imagine intimacy transcends known temporal boundaries, which are framed within the liberalism.

[the-u]

The Scary Movie – Peggy Ahwesh (1993)

Details: 8:16 mins, 16mm film transferred to digital video, black and white video

The Scary Movie of Peggy Ahwesh, 1993 is a single channel 16mm film transferred to digital video. Two actresses perform a short scene but no narrative. The first girl plays a harpist with a black cape, fake eyebrows and mustache, especially gloves and plastic claws are highlights. Another girl’s face is measured by a metal tool. In the end, the two girls dance happily together, the whole video looks like their game.

The film evokes Halloween home movies, two girls play a dual role as ‘doctor/killer’ and ‘patient/hand lover’, which create scary scenarios. For example, aluminum foil knife was stabbed into the chest of one of the girls, when it was broken, it looked like a penis. Also, a scene of creepy stroking by an ambiguously gendered hand or masculine hand, while this hand has been domesticated. In this film it is the male who 'lacks’, but props and performing forms highlight the male character's continued presence in the ‘narrative’. The other hand, the film’s violent scene is accompanied by zany music, such as creaking doors, yelling, fake gunfire and quarrel voice. The erratic camera movements, repetitive shots and bad soundtracks are all reflected the consistent violence against women characters.

[the-u]

A Biography of Lilith – Lynne Sachs (1997) 

Details: 35min, 16mm, color and b/w, sound video

Lynne Sachs has always been my favorite experimental filmmaker, she committed to a dialogue between practice and cinematic theory, her works are based on the feminist approach to the creation of images and sounds.

A Biography of Lilith is a documentary and alternative narrative. Firstly, I was interested to see how the artist reshaped an ancient myth into a modern story, the myth Lilith refused to lay under Adam during sex, while he disagreed, she fled to gain her independence, the modern Lilith considered what she wanted life, including working as a bar dancer and giving up a baby. Whatever the myth or modern Lilith, they all choose their own cultural value meanings, because the female’s meanings are imposed upon by social. Lynne Sachs recomposes a poetic and bloody real experience in every woman, which is an attempt to press against the harmful constrictions within culture. Secondly, this work’s sound design inspires me to experiment audio sound, which combines natural sound and interviewee sound, to echo visual’s content conception.

[the-u]

Miss Melissa and Mr Fish at 2:31 pm – Peng Yun (2013) 

Details: 7:49 mins, video and sound work

This video work by Chinese artist Peng Yun from 2013 presents the opening frame of a still life painting, followed by a woman’s hand touching the fish’s body, before the woman’s hand begins to destroy the fish’s body. Until the emotion reaches its peak, the woman's hand leaves the frame.

In 2019, I visited this work at White Rabbit Gallery. A close-up shot caught my eye, as the woman’s red-painted nails delves deeply into the mouth of the fish, which indicates female masturbation and sexuality. For my opinion, due to the social context of patriarchy, female sexuality is unsayable, unseen and undoable, while this work through a series of actions of strokes, enters and destroys, it subtly explores the feminist consciousness awakened through sexual identity. Soon, the video transitions into erotic and disturbing imagery, which shows ‘the suffering of never receiving a response’. Second of all, the sound aspect was inspiring me, it is filled with a lot of noise and current sound, and sometimes filled with similar human shouts, which together create the effect of impaired sound quality. Hence, sound aspect also creates invisible form of ‘the suffering of never receiving a response’.

[the-u]

Fountain – Patty Chang (1999)

Details: 5:30 mins, digital video

In 1999, Patty Chang produced the mentioned work, in which did not have the main narrative content, while focuses more on her performance. At first, Chang stared intently at a reflection of herself but emotionless. Then, she leans into the mirror, her breath causes a break-up to the order of the image, which leads to the surface begins to ripple. After minutes, her lips go on to make contact with that surface. There are many interesting things to analyze this work, Chang shows a relatively single action sequence, that gazing itself and sucking water surface. Nevertheless, I thought she was more like kissing her reflection as the video goes on, the whole movement sequence conveys a complex mix of self-loathing and self-healing. In one sense, Fountain addresses standards of beauty, representations of Asian women, and an externalized self-image unfold around the male gaze. Therefore, the work is an introspection on how we see the world and how the world recalls at us.