the-worms-in-your-bones - Tumblr blog

[the-worms-in-your-bones]

Me meeting a genie: Okay, so my first wish is for 1000 dollars a day, deposited to my bank account without any way of tracing it to anything illegal. I want this money to come from the ten richest people in America (100 dollars each), withdrawn under the guise of nebulous, random purchases and surcharges. It would probably be best to split the money into a myriad of smaller fees, though, to reduce the likelihood of anyone noticing. Got all that?

Genie: um

Me, continuing on without a care: For my SECOND wish, I want you to give me the ability to learn any given phoneme, so that I can learn to pronounce new languages perfectly. If you're willing, it'd be nice if it were a little easier to memorize new languages too, but if that's not cool, I'm perfectly fine doing all the legwork myself I mostly just want to be capable of pronouncing things correctly.

Genie, now staring at me like I'm insane: ......okaaayyy?....

Me: For my third wish. I want to always have great ideas for gifts for people. Every birthday, every holiday, I want to be able to come up with something they'd really like, with enough time to actually get it for them.

Genie, just staring at me

Me: I can provide you with a written document if that would help.

[the-worms-in-your-bones]

my kitty cat was wandering around going ‘mrrph?” so i was like “in here!” he goes “mrrph!” shoves open my bedroom door with his big round head and FLOPS on me. as in hard enough that he made a little “oof” noise when he did it. followed by a category five purring event. there’s good in this world mr frodo etc

[the-worms-in-your-bones]

politely requesting to be groomed

[the-worms-in-your-bones]

[the-worms-in-your-bones]

guys my phone understands the doctor so well

[the-worms-in-your-bones]

i am sitting on the couch, i hear tapping on the door behind me, i turn around and see this

what do i do

[the-worms-in-your-bones]

i hate when i send someone a meme in another language and they're like "uhm... translate? 😒" fucker i sent you a meme where 90% of the words have an english cognate and/or you don't need to know what they're saying to find it funny. can you at least TRY

[the-worms-in-your-bones]

we are going to have to bring back “smex”

[the-worms-in-your-bones]

reblog to give a strawberry to the person you reblogged this from

[the-worms-in-your-bones]

i was cuddling with my boyfriend last night when his shoulder started tensing up (like he was readjusting or gently pushing me off) and when i asked him if he was okay or needed me to move or something he went “no you’re fine, i was just imagining myself pulling a large rope. i didn’t even realize my shoulder was doing that lmao” then refused to elaborate and i have never been as attracted to him as i was in that moment.

[the-worms-in-your-bones]

[the-worms-in-your-bones]

matching roberts!master and eighth doctor icons by @finniigan

[the-worms-in-your-bones]

hrghh another long and difficult day... TUMBLR!! fetch me a photo of The Fictional Character .....

[the-worms-in-your-bones]

listening to wtnv in 2024 makes me understand immediately why tumblr over a decade ago thought this shit was the coolest thing ever. it casually but flawlessly parodies the us surveillance state, ultra-militarized police forces, inane human resource bureaucracies and the blasé of the suburban middle class all within the span of three episodes with a very tongue in cheek slice of life format that doesn’t sound possible on paper but is executed absolutely absurdly well

[the-worms-in-your-bones]

A hummingbird thought a man’s orange hat was a flower [x]

[the-worms-in-your-bones]

[the-worms-in-your-bones]