theastronautsystem

[theastronautsystem]

HelPol cont.

Hello Helpol tumblr, I did a post earlier about my interest in helpol but my brain has not let me started due to numerous of reasons. I almost have an altar setup, though no way to store it discretely yet.

My own origins have also messed me up.

So I’m Chinese, and my grandmother on my mom’s side is more devout to the Chinese god Guanyin. I also feel a connection through her, but feel a little guilty for my calling towards the Greek gods.

Probably because, I was also raised Catholic. So more trouble than it’s worth. I did all the traditions, but only the mentality stuck. Bc I went to catholic school from preschool to highschool.

So if there are any resources to make a shoebox/discreet altar, pls send them to me 😭

[theastronautsystem]

Hellenistic Polytheism

Hi chat,

been wondering about hellism and where to start. im not the most devout person in the world, and my relationship to religion itself is pretty tedious. the values in helpol intrigue me and bring me a sense of comfort.

so how does one start?

[theastronautsystem]

oh thats me now remembering i can reply to someone ab brain issues. idk i feel Different to a degree

[theastronautsystem]

Also, I don’t even remember when I changed the name. I remember I did it, to some degree but not like, how,

[theastronautsystem]

drumroll pls

DADADADADA

I have been recently been diagnosed with Combined Type ADHD!! I lean more towards inattentive, which I have thought. But I have traits of hyperactivity!!

[theastronautsystem]

silly cheerful moon butch x grumpy sunshine femme

[theastronautsystem]

Whenever you experience intense stress, have a massive meltdown, and then start getting really into a new piece of fiction

[theastronautsystem]

this post is for the people with memory issues

people who's memories are getting worse every day, who's memories are stable but poor, people who can't remember what they did today or yesterday or this week, people who's childhoods are a faded blur. people who have slow greying-out amnesia that seems to just fade in and out of existence, and people who have complete blackouts, and people who have both. people who mourn the happy memories they know they've lost, who fear the bad memories they've lost that still affect them.

people who have "emotional amnesia" that makes it feel like none of their memories are their own, because there's few or no feelings attached. people who can ONLY remember the feelings from certain or even most memories, not actual events. people who's memory issues scare them or make them angry or make them miserable. people who's memory issues get them called childish or difficult or rude. who can't remember the names or faces of those they love. who are constantly forgetting the things that "you'd remember if you really cared". who misplace everything. who remember so little of their lives that they barely know who they are. people who's memory issues come from trauma/dissociation, ADHD, traumatic brain injury, brain fog/chronic fatigue, drug use, alcoholism. people who have no idea what causes their memory issues. people who's memory issues come from something else entirely.

i love you, you're strong, and you deserve support and care for what you're going through. memory issues can be frustrating and upsetting and disabling, and your suffering deserves to be recognized. whether you're soaring through recovery or are only ever going to get worse, you deserve good things in life and to live the fullest you can, regardless of how much you remember.

[theastronautsystem]

Some of the people I have seen say they have non-disordered plurality have a lot of extreme dissociative symptoms from what they post. System conflicts, huge memory gaps, inability to control switches, extreme depersonalization/derealization symptoms.

This is not to deny someone’s experience, but more of a gentle reminder that if your experiences with plurality causes genuine distress? You may want to learn more about how dissociative disorders impact functions.

I don’t really understand any labels outside of traumagenic and maybe endogenic. I can’t even begin to really wrap my head around plurality not causing dissociation—it’s just not my experience at all. It’s a big reason why I decline arguing in any debates, but I have a pretty good idea of how my DID has impacted me.

I will feel like shit and not understand why because my emotions are highly fragmented. There could be something wrong, I could feel it occasionally, but I have no clue at all why I am experiencing this level of distress.

I know of a major traumatic experience in my childhood that could have caused my DID, but I genuinely remember little to nothing about my life and the factors are endless. When I do find stuff talking about my experiences, it sets me back and almost “triggers me” back into a state where I was during that time (I have no recollection still even after these triggers happen).

Skills and knowledge are somewhat distinctive between parts. Some parts have had full blown meltdowns because they didn’t understand an assignment, and when someone else switched in, they knew exactly what to do.

“Wishing to be a system” played a huge part in my formation, but it wasn’t wishing to be a system. It was wishing I had someone to talk to/had friends surrounding me because I was emotionally neglected as a child—this was around ages 6-10, so this thought process had a lot of impacts. I verbally talked to these parts and they often knew information I never remembered learning, and they often came around the most when I was lonely.

I don’t have a stable identity, and I haven’t had one for the entirety of my life. If I try to sit and think about it, my head will turn to TV static and shut off any chance of understanding my situation. I spend about 80-90% of my time going through the motions of life without any acknowledgment of my identity, thoughts, feelings, sensations, or perceptions in life.

Trauma doesn’t have to be a serious case of SA or physical abuse, it is possible it could be years of emotional neglect causing you to turn inward. Bullying, oppression, poverty, disability, physical illness, messy divorces/parents NOT divorcing, war, and many other issues are extremely taxing on a child.

This disorder is covert and nearly undetectable in most cases. Sometimes this means that it’s nearly impossible to see in ourselves. The whole point is to hide and make sure we “function” correctly in society, even at the expense of ourselves. It’s a coping mechanism our brain decided was the safest route to survive.

Identity disruptions, memory gaps, and all these things are not stable, concrete experiences. They are fluid. They can be wildly inconsistent, and you don’t have to be on the far end of the spectrum to experience these issues.

I’m not saying this as a genuine diagnosis of “You MUST have DID” because there are many different aspects that could impact this. I know that there are also like- labels that encompass different aspects that include trauma. However, this is just something I have noticed while scrolling through tumblr recently. This also isn’t targeted in any way, but if it resonates with you, I think learning about DID in medical contexts isn’t a bad idea (or at least learning of dissociation).

I have seen that a big reason many people get nervous to interact with traumagenic spaces is because of how aggressive and toxic they can be, which I understand is definitely a problem we see. It’s definitely a product of how DID is and what societal hatred does to marginalized communities. I take a very chilled and laid back approach to pretty much anything, so if you feel too scared to interact with the traumagenic community, I don’t mind trying to help!

[theastronautsystem]

If you grew up constantly apologizing and then apologizing for apologizing and you were/are afraid (or unable) to express your emotions and feelings because it was seen as “manipulative”, or for any reason, I love you and I hope you’re having a good day

[theastronautsystem]

Everyone tells you “communication is key” to every problem you have in life. Whether it be with friends, family, or partners, “communication fixes all.”

But when you grow up in a house that doesn’t communicate.. When you only know aggression and silence.. When you only know how to bury it all down into separate pieces of yourself..

You don’t know what communication is. You don’t know how to communicate that something bothers you. You just bury it all over again, not understanding why you’re so angry and so upset about things. You feel like shit but you don’t know why you feel like shit. You can never piece it together, but you just feel like shit.

The conversation happens, and you get into your normal position. You get ready to feel that corner against your back, and you get ready to growl and snap and bite. You feel like a feral animal being threatened and persecuted for something you didn’t—or maybe did—do. You’re ready to snap and fight back against anything they say.

But then you come into contact with what communication is supposed to be. Kind, caring, understanding, open. At first, you try to get into that normal position, but there is no corner. Even when you snap and lash, all they do is just put a hand on your head and tell you “I see you” without even saying the words.

I can feel that little scared animal within me melting away. I think I understand what people mean by “communication is key” now.

[theastronautsystem]

Butch who doesn't know you're flirting with them

Butch who just thinks you're being nice

Butch who literally responds to every compliment with an aloof "Thanks :)"

Butch who thinks that you are just a very friendly person and this is how you probably act with everyone

[theastronautsystem]

me: *is aroace* *does not want a romantic relationship*

also me:

[theastronautsystem]

IH-havers how did you know that your sleep was fucked. Because i know i have insomnia and have meds for that, but even without meds years ago i slept a lot. so its worrying me that something might be up

[theastronautsystem]

Actually wait sleep issues have been occurring since I was in middle school. WELP

[theastronautsystem]

like, i know 14 hours of sleep isn't normal, but ive been sleeping that much regularly AND I AM STILL TIRED wtf is up with me

[theastronautsystem]

ᐟᐟ ☆ Nocturlance ‧͙̩̩͙❆ ͙͛ ˚₊⋆

Nocturlance (or Astrolance) -- A gender identity connected to the feeling of the night sky, illuminated by the stars, the snow glittering in the moonlight, the clouds that are illuminated by the soft light of the moon and you can feel the cold air on your skin.

"The stars in the night sky look like diamonds in the dark, their twinkling light a reminder of the beauty of the night. The snow, illuminated by the moonlight gives the night an ethereal quality, like you are in some magical realm. The clouds are like a blanket of soft white, shielding you from the cold air.

When you look at the night sky, the stars, the snow, clouds and cold air, it is easy to understand why so many people are mesmerized by the beauty of the night. It is a feeling of peace and wonderment that can't be found anywhere else."

TL;DR: Nocturlance (Astrolance) -- a gender identity connected to the night sky, stars, snow, winter themes and cold air