thedeniveeph

[thedeniveeph]

Tula: Bakit Di Ka Niya Mahal?

"Hindi kabawasan ang iyong kawasakan sa kakayahan mong magmahal at karapatan mong mahalin."

[thedeniveeph]

Falling, Landi, Landing and A Date | TheDenivee.Ph

I forgot how Gerard and I knew each other. We went to the same college, had several common friends, at one point even took the same course, but certainly never got to meet or learn of each other’s existence. Until we matched on a dating site I had 3 registered accounts in, and things went down from there. 

A week or so ago, I asked if he’d be okay to date me. And he said yes. I disclosed as much as I thought I had to, just so we’re on the same page--this is for my blog, we pay for our own stuff, no one has to treat the other. All we do are show up in date clothes, hang out in a fancier place, have an itinerary, and hopefully, find that we both had a good time after doing so. Writing this down now, seems we both did.

Falling

The Rationale

I haven’t dated in almost 4 years, and it’s a personal choice. I regularly hang out with different male friends, and while I do think these count as dates, they’re platonic ones, which most people my age don’t consider as real dates. So I thought, why not go on one when I have the free time?

Now, the reason I deliberately chose not to date-date in close to 4 years is that I’m scared of expecting and getting attached to certain people and outcomes. My last romantic involvement with a guy ended with him ghosting me, and the last guy I saw on an almost daily basis is the biggest prick I’ve ever seen in my 25 years on earth so far. 

Guys aside, life’s been pretty rough, and bitch ain’t going to date till she knows she’s not in danger of getting overly attached or projecting traumas to others. Hang outs are okay. But a duly labeled date? OFF LIMITS.

Landi

The Guy

Until my antidepressants started kicking in, and thought, who am I kidding? I’m not 21 anymore. I Kiss Dating Goodbye is not the deal. Dates don’t mean marriage. Dates, like most things in life, are risks. And maybe, with the right person, they can be fun ones. Having previously met Gerard, I thought he’d be a good pick. 

He writes, does martial arts, has an interest in philosophy and history, and is big on conversation. He likes coffee. And coffee is life. I know he won’t be a bore. And, he’s flirtatious--in a fun way. I like how he’s upfront with things--what he likes, what he doesn’t, without being rude. He’s also well-spoken but doesn’t have that cocky air. Even if  it weren’t for this write-up, this is someone I won’t mind seeing more of. 

The last time we met before the date, I was bawling my eyes out at one of the campus gardens. He’s kind enough to give me a hug, and he smelled nice, BTW. I kind of wanted to make up for that, and fortunately, I got the chance. 

The Itinerary

We picked Sunday, June 2. The day was just starting, and he got me to open his bag for him to get his wallet. I saw something else 😉 let's not get into that 😂 Though I'd say, what a way to start a date 😉😉😉

Anyway, he drove to our chosen venue, the Quezon Heritage House. It turned out to be closed. A bummer as it was, we chanced upon other spots within the area--like the Presidential Car Museum.It’s cute how excited he got when one of the security guards told us that that museum is open on Sundays.  

I know nothing about cars, and he knows a lot. I did appreciate the aesthetic and specifications of each vehicle, which all seemed to represent its main passenger. Gerard told me about suicide doors, designed to direct air flow out of the car, so when the doors open, they stay open. And so, riders can throw people out and guarantee death. Which is why they're a preferred car feature for mafias.

Gerard taught me a couple of other car-related stuff, and then came my turn to teach him. We stopped by The Coconut House for lunch, got binalot; over lumpia, okoy, gising gising, and bangus, we tried to banter in Fukyuan and Bicolano. I know a bit of Bicolano from my lola, while he knows Fukyuan from his parents.

Apparently, he already mastered the phrase"Ya hiao" (meaning very malandi or promiscuous) and a bunch of other swear words 😂. He was keen on finding speech patterns to remember the phrases more easily, and I had to break it to him that Fukyuan is tricky. "Tao" can mean "steal" or "tear open". Like "Ho" can mean "yes" or "rain". I'm so amused by how determined he was to try to remember and practice the phrases. I, on the other hand, remember "bakong iyo", Bicolano for "isn't it", best.

At one point we were able to kind of converse in Fukyuan. And he said, "Bagay tayong mag-usap in Fukyuan. Or pwede rin namang bagay tayong dalawa."

To which I replied, "Pwede both?"

We stopped by for coconut-infused ice cream right outside the resto and took a few photos. We agreed to go elsewhere for coffee and his perfume-shopping, and he was still putting the phrases to practice. Cute, bakong iyo? 😁

The Banter

Undoubtly a highlight of the date, was picking his new scent. We parked on the new wing of SM North Edsa and immediately spotted a scent -making kiosk.

I picked out scents that I liked, and the staff explained that perfumes all have top, middle, and bottom notes. I pointed out that all my picks were bottom notes.

"Ahh, mahilig ka pala sa bottom ha?" He said, jokingly, eyebrows raising with a naughty smile. The salesperson then added that the bottom notes linger longer than the top and middle, making them the base scent.

"O, kaya ko gusto yung bottom. Kasi they stay!" I said nonchalantly, to which he and the staff smiled. While waiting for him to finalize his top picks, he showed me a photo of him standing beside a fire extinguisher. And I remarked, "Aba, at talagang nagpose ka katabi ng fire extinguisher. Kasi you're hot!" I think I pulled a good one. He gave me a high-five.

He finally chose the notes for his scent and we stopped by for coffee at another kiosk nearby. He said, "Masarap magkape, kape-ling ka." I laughed and gave him a high-five.

We took a few selfies and sent one to a friend before going back to the scent kiosk to pick up his new perfume. It has that "fresh out of the shower" vibe that's not overpowering but definitely fragrant. I kidded, "Now you smell perfect for flirting because you only need to get close and whoever you flirt with will know you smell nice."

He sat close to me and joked, "Do I?"

Then came the subtlest, but I guess, the best parts of the date.

Landing

The Escalator

Gerard has a way of turning the smallest things into a learning experience, and I like that. So I'm not surprised that the highlight of the date was when he taught me to ride the escalator without looking at the steps. I'm not good with stairs or escalators--I often end up tripping and once even needed stitches for my chin because of it.

"Don't look. The escalator is moving and you need to move with it. You don't want to time your steps when the surface is moving. You will land on something. Maybe not perfectly on your feet. But you can always correct that when it happens."

Now, I don't know what amuses me more--how he turned that moment into a teaching moment, or how I'm turning it into a learning moment. Maybe it's not about the fear of falling as much as it is about the fear of not landing how and where you feel you should. Falling is easy. No force. No thought. Just freefall. But landing? The initial thrill of the fall...then the anxiety of the impending landing. The physical and mental preparations that come before, during, and after the landing. The pressure of having to be on your feet when you hit surface. Then again...when you're not on your feet by then, you can get up, and correct it with a step back, forward, or in place, can you? Seems so.

The Rest of the Date

A few escalator rides after, we did some of his shopping. I found he has a more refined sartorial taste than I have. And I also found he computes the cost of wear per purchase, which I thought to be very Chinoy...and oddly sexy in that it made so much sense. 😂 we took a mirror selfie because I thought we look good together. 😉

We closed the date with thank you's.

"Thank you for coming with me."

"Thank you for agreeing to this date."

"Sorry it's nothing grand."

"It's the company that counts."

Indeed, it is. For this date, it's the company that made it such. Falling, landi, and landing--learning and relearning all about them in one date. Who'd have thought? Thank you, my date.

Now, I'd very much like to visit the Quezon Heritage House for real when it's open. And maybe catch a whiff of that perfume I helped formulate. So, thank you, next?

[thedeniveeph]

Easy Sosyal Dessert: Taro Cheesecake

My aunt shared her recipe for no-bake cheesecake a while back, and I tried experimenting with flavors. My most recent creation was a hit with the fam. If my younger brother says it's not bad, then it must be good 😋

And good things are worth sharing, so here's how to whip up a pasosyal yet easy dessert, like the no-bake taro cheesecake.

What You Need

For the crust:

1 cup crushed graham

2 tbsp white sugar

1/4 cup melted butter

For the cake:

225 g cream cheese

1 cup white sugar

250 g all purpose cream

2 sachets Nestea Taro Milk Tea

1 sachet Knox gelatin

What to Do

Mix graham, sugar, and butter together in a largw bowl. Transfer to tray, and flatten to cover the entire container.

Refrigerate for 10 mins.

Beat cream cheese in bowl for 5-10 mins until texture is smooth. If using mixer, 5 mins will do.

Mix in cream, sugar, and 2 sachets of Nestea Taro Milk Tea. Stir well for 5-10 mins until there are minimal to no coagulates and air pockets.

Dissolve 1 sachet of Knox gelatin in 1/2 cup of hot water and pour into the mixture. Stir again.

Pour the cake mixture over the graham crust from earlier.

Refrigerate for 2-3 hours.

Enjoy 😋

Let me know what you think once you tried this dessert out! Sinfully pasosyal yet easy to do!

[thedeniveeph]

What’s Up? | TheDenivee.Ph

What’s up? God. What’s ahead? God knows what. 

Those answers, I haven’t realized, until they began to hit really hard. Fresh out of a dream job that ended up getting the best of me, I have to grapple with the pain of turning my back on something I’ve wanted for so long, and truly did believe I earned for myself. 

Where I Was

What started as free blog features and write-ups turned into a freelance social media management contract. Which later turned into a full-time position in one of the key departments. Me ending up in that job, was three years in the making. And when I finally had my first day there, it was then that I really saw it for myself--God doesn’t only make things possible. He makes things happen.

On my last day, which was sooner than I thought it would be, I can only say, “Thank You, Lord”. For the many boxes of damaged items I’ve had to sort through during one of my first weeks at work. For the grand opening events I’ve had to spearhead without even having that much of a clue with what I should really be doing. For the hundreds of social media captions and graphics I spurred out. For the videos I wrote, directed, and starred in. For the collaterals I had to bring from one store to the other. For the money I had to shell out on occasion because the cheque hasn’t been signed on time. For the realizations that not everyone will see things the way you do...especially not if it’s your own worth as a person. 

For the people who helped me through these things along the way. For the meals we shared and plans for pranks we were thinking about. For the nights I cried because I felt I wasn’t doing enough, and still I also felt I was running out...physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. For those who shared the same sentiments. For the eleven months that gradually left me with no other choice but to go back to God. 

Where God Is 

God has been there all along, sending in both the trials and triumphs. He’s there through my spiritually adept co-workers. There through the bottle of Holy Water on my desk. There through the challenging times when I prefer being right to being kind. God was there when He broke me through the very things He built me with. The very things that made me believe in Him again, like the job, He broke me with. I guess that’s the humbling. I guess that’s the much-needed unraveling. 

I got exhausted with the face I had to keep on. Tired with the secrets I felt I had to keep. I was doing so much to avoid the healing I so need, because angst, resentment, and brokenness were propelling me to what I thought was the top. I was doing what I loved. What could be better? As it turned out, doing what I love with it loving me back and not wearing me down, is definitely better. And, until He broke it to me through His devastating ways, I would have painted the pain in rose-scented colors, and saw it in them, too. 

Having been told that I have proven nothing, would have been simply humbling. Having been told that I am not qualified to do my job, despite being able to do everything that was asked, beyond what should have been fairly required, would have been just. Before all these, I didn’t think I deserve better because I thought what I had was already the best. 

It was great, definitely unforgettable and not the least bit regrettable. But there was so much about it that I had to keep to myself, until I eventually got so tired of doing that too. Through the months of sustenance, and beyond that big breakdown that came after, God is there. 

My mom has been praying for me, seeing how I was breaking despite the joy I once had with it, or maybe, will always have. My worst day at work had me breaking down in front of her and my dad for the first time in many years. Which led to a slew of revelations, that later led, and continues to lead, into more secrets being shared rather than kept. That is one of the biggest breakthroughs I have had in years, in my personal life. And I believe this is just one of the many.

God’s Up

I’d already say life is so much better, if only because my time keeping secrets from my loved ones is, mostly, up. But I know that as my days pass in faith, life will only ever get better. So, what’s been, is, and will be, up? I say God, and God knows what. And whatever that could turn out to be, it’s going to be exciting.