thedogsled

[thedogsled]

Stayed up until 1 am drawing this like some kind of absolute nutcase but here

I got a SMALL bit excited abt the swimsuit issue.

[thedogsled]

Hi guys! I'm opening up for commissions (digital, watercolor and acrylic) and selling off my stock of finished paintings so that I can pay to replace some things that are broken around the house. You can see a full list of pieces for sale here. Prices start at $15 and include postage, and paypal is accepted! Re. Commissions, watercolors/acrylics start at $50 for A5 and can be any character, pairing, group etc. from any fandom. Digital commissions start cheaper $20 for a lineart bust etc. right up to the sort of project I spend two weeks doing (see my art). I also do cartoon strips! If you want to enquire about me working on a different project for you (I can write, edit, journal, draw etc.) drop me a DM anytime. I may be a little slow to respond on tumblr because I don't check it as often, but I reliably check bluesky several times a day. Even if you're not interested, I am super grateful for anyone who can share this post for me as well! You have my eternal gratitude, so thanks!

[thedogsled]

☆ Ready to Comply

[thedogsled]

☆ coffee, tea, me?

[thedogsled]

I have other favorite sections of the diary, (Jessica Jones' cameo for example) but the part at the top of Chapter 4 is one of my favorites, so while I'm going to post it here, I would still love you all to go and read the entire thing now that it's all up! Happy Holidays! Full transcription below:

Reverse

When we enter the Danube, the ship begins to follow the path of the flowing water, and the engines don’t have to work so hard as they did fighting their way up the Rhine or the Main. Instead, we are carried downstream, sometimes coasting. The men are more relaxed with the canal and the locks behind us. I am sure they are homesick, because they speak often of their families. They ask me if I have anyone, knowing I do not remember.

But I think of Steve. I think of Brooklyn, even though being there frightened me. I am

Am I homesick? The thought of going there again is frightening to me. I can’t imagine it would be a good idea, for Brooklyn or for me. But the thought of never doing so fills me with despair as well.

Page 91 

Picture of young Steve (bad memory recall)

At the docks or by the river, sometimes on a good day at Coney Island, Steve and I spend so much time together. We know all of each other’s secrets and we will take them to the grave/

He’s so young in some of the memories that he wouldn’t be recognizable at all except for the feeling that comes alongside them: this boy is Steve. Steve sitting at the playground with a bruised knee; Steve using a dustbin lid as a shield. Steve Steve Steve Steve.

Reverse

I have chosen my path, at least for right now. I am on the other side of the planet, speaking another language. The only difference is that now I don’t fight for HYDRA, nor will I ever fight for anyone against my will ever again. Nor kill. I do not know who I am. I know I am the Winter Soldier and I know I am James Buchanan Barnes, but neither of those things are who I am now. Both men killed. I don’t know what I should hope to be, if anything other at all than invisible.

That’s what I want for now. If nobody can see me then I don’t have to be. I don’t have to be the Winter Soldier. I don’t have to be “ Bucky”. I don’t have to be anyone at all, for anybody. I know it’s selfish. I know I’m afraid. I know I’m guilty.

Page 92

I can hear the water rushing in my ears. I know that I jumped, that I am plunging into it, face first and reaching, reaching.

I heard a scream. I didn’t realize I was the one screaming. Watching him fall, as I fell. Me falling. Him falling. Into the water. Into the ice. Into the future. Dying and dying over and over again.

Reaching for him, finding him, taking hold as he never could and swimming, pulling, dragging, fighting until we’re on the shore. One arm, the other dislocated, fighting against the current, for breath. 

Why does this

I can’t see it yet but it’s close. There’s nothing more frustrating than this feeling, trying to remember. He’s alive, and as the river’s water drips off me I feel nothing but shame. Reverse

In the bank, there was a file. Paperwork. A few things. I have disposed of most of them. Perhaps I should have added this then. I don’t like looking at it. It has been loose in this book since I found it and I should place it now, so that I no longer have to wonder where it should go.

When I see myself in the ice it doesn’t look like me. Sleeping. So peaceful I could be something harmless. But I remember more than fragments now. Time on the ship has let me see more than I ever could before. This is the face HYDRA saw. The face of an innocent man turned into a monster. Loss of innocence. Me. Зимний Солдат.

Looking at this picture hurts. It feels as though it somehow carves a pit into my stomach.

Page 93

Picture from WS file, Bucky in ice (Credit: @youneedtostrut)

Written: It isn't really sleep. Sleep isn't peaceful. Being in the ice was like not existing at all. Quiet.

Reverse

We were on a train. It was a mission from before there were any missions. Before HYDRA when I was with Steve and the Howling Commandos behind enemy lines. In Europe, during the war. I took the shield. We practiced with it together. That’s how I know how to use it. We would play catch. I protected him, and then. 

The wind roaring in my ears. Screaming, thundering wheels on the tracks. Screaming. An impact. I couldn’t have known what would happen. I can sense the incorrect stance now, the shield held too straight when I should have used it to glance away the projectile. Instead, it carries me off the train.

I hold on. He reaches for me. And as I scream I fall and fall and fall.

Page 94

Here on this ship, I sleep and I dream, and it’s clearer than it has ever been. There are nightmares. That is why I cry. I see Steve reaching for me. I see the snow. I see Zola. I hear my own scream, my own cries and sobs. I am frozen. Defrosted. Experimented on. Frozen again. Left in a dark, cold cell. Shown a newspaper telling me that Steve Rogers, Captain America, is dead.

I feel despair and fear and hunger and despair again. There’s unimaginable pain and humiliation. I hardly sleep. The new arm hurts my shoulder and I try and claw it off, make them operate on me again and again. I don’t know how long it lasts. How long I keep fighting, resisting. When they begin to introduce electricity, the fading starts. The timelessness. The disconnect.

[thedogsled]

Chapter 3 is now up! In which Bucky wanders France and stirs up some old memories. Also: more cats

If you want a chance to win this journal, check it out here!

Starting bid is $50 for 27,000 words of handwritten, illustrated fic, bound in black leather. A ONE OF A KIND, lovingly put together journal of Bucky's experiences after Captain America: The Winter Soldier.

[thedogsled]

You can now read this journal on AO3 (handwritten with the text underneath!) The first two chapters are up now, third part on Christmas Eve, fourth part on Christmas Day. I hope you all enjoy it! Link to the journal here!

If you want a chance to win this journal, check it out here!

Starting bid is $50 for 27,000 words of handwritten, illustrated fic, bound in black leather. A ONE OF A KIND, lovingly put together journal of Bucky's experiences after Captain America: The Winter Soldier.

[thedogsled]

omg look at him! He's gonna rule these streets :D Gorgeous boy

If there is a character, I will turn it into a cat hehe

Big thanks to @thedogsled for the idea <3

[thedogsled]

★I tried to shout, "I decide", but my voice betrayed me, breaking into a whisper: "Enough"★

[thedogsled]

Ahem. . .

Self promo time! On Patreon you can order one color sketch per month for $8 or two color moderately detailed and with background illustrations per month for $20 so, Don't miss it!

Also, reopening commissions ❤️‍🔥

[thedogsled]

Some Captain America/Winter Soldier stuff ^^ ⭐️💥❄️

[thedogsled]

☃️❄️🎄

my tumblr did strange things today… with this video… i add it here now… sry for the spam x_x

[thedogsled]

Patreon Reward Card ☺️..

[thedogsled]

[thedogsled]

The last.. finally 😬

[thedogsled]

I made again some nonsense hehe.. edit of a drawing I made once 😸...

Also with this programm it’s possible to save the stuff as life photo for smartphone backgrounds 😅 :3

The original drawing

[thedogsled]

Sryy i like the style of this guy haha xD Winter Soldier 🙈❄️